Tangeant

I am terribly down today for no good reason, again. Lame lame lame. Everyone writes about their unhappiness. I shouldn't be yet another one of them. I have plenty of things to be happy about. I have a fun month to look forward to. I don't want to have to list things again. No reason. I don't want to go home. I'll have to clean and I don't feel like cleaning. I can't stop cleaning lately. I don't know what to do with myself. Ron goes back to working nights. I won't see him for a while. I can't depend on him for all my happiness. I have work to do but I'm spacing out again. Why am I sad? What can I do? Suck it up. Go on. That's what everyone does. Everything is fine. What if...?? Don't worry about it.

I'm lonely here at work. I want someone to talk to. Everyone is busy. I should be busy. I am busy. But I don't wanna do it. What do I do? Sleep? I did that. I can't sleep anymore. Exercise? I really need to exercise. Maybe tomorrow. I'll get back into the groove tomorrow. Today is another random day. I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know. I wanna go somewhere. But where? How? I wanna go.

What's next?

I know what it is I need, yet I'm STILL too afraid to do anything about it. I've always been this way. I need to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. Will I ever do it? There are so many things to do in this life. When will I have to courage to make myself do something that I've never done before? How long will I continue to just exist day in and day out? This continues to sit in the back of my mind and will be there until I decide to do something about it. There is something out there for me. Fuck, just HOW many other people in their twenties think this way? Just like I had my doubts about love, I have my doubts about...uh...life. What else is there? I found love again. I can make that work and it won't always be easy but I'm up for THAT challenge. But what's my other passion? I need other things. I'll find it, or them, or whatever the fuck it is I'm looking for. See, but I always wait for things to come to me. What can I do differently? *gulp* Go after it? Me?? YIKES! We'll see...someday...I think...

Snackie

It's the beginning of another short week. How glorious. July is a lax month around here so it's good for taking days off and leaving early. Ron, me and my cousins are going to a Judas Priest concert this coming Friday...wooooheeee!! I get to leave work early again. Then we're going to see Robert Plant on the 24th, so I took the 25th and the 26th off for a little mini vacation. I'm also looking forward to that week because a friend I haven't seen in a year will be home. He's a friend of Melanie and I who we started hanging out with a lot a few years ago. He was one of the roommates of her ex-boyfriend. He lived there with his boyfriend. He's a very nice, eccentric gay guy who is the type that keeps you guessing. Very fun to be around. It'll be great seeing him again. Melanie took those days off, too, because we're hoping to get some camping in that week. Let's just see if we can pull it off this time. Not another disaster like the artichoke fest!

So July is supposed to be a busy month. Ron is going to visit his grandma in Alaska, we're going to concerts, camping... Plus, I'm getting my new bird! I think I'll be able to pick him up by the end of the month. We went to the parrot store on Saturday and the owner/breeder said that we should come back in a week, that they should be ready to be out in the open by then. I'm very excited about that. This will be the last pet I'm going to get for a very long time. I have determined that the reason for Pickle's horrible plucking this time around is the fact that he's lonely. Everyone keeps asking me why I don't just get him a female and put them in the same cage. It's because he's been without a 'mate' the entire four years I've had him and to introduce him to a female (which are very aggressive by nature) that would be living in his cage at this time in his life would be a huge pain in the ass. The chance of them getting along without tearing each other apart would be kind of slim, not to mention that it would probably stress poor Pickles out even more. Plus, I don't want another lovebird, I already HAVE one. I want to try something else. Lovebirds are LOUD and two of them with their piercing chirps in my living room would not be fun. Parrotlets are considerably more quiet than the parakeets and lovebirds. I also don't want him humping the real thing because I DON'T want babies. There are enough lovebird breeders out there. So I've completely thought this through and feel that I've made the right decision. I will be sticking with it. NO MORE PETS!

I had a wonderful long weekend. But it flew, as usual. Friday we went on a nice, scenic bike ride at the park. Then we stayed up almost all night playing video games and Scrabble. Saturday looked lovely enough to go to the beach, but once we got there we were disappointed to engulfed by a hideous fog that just got thicker as we went along so we just turned around and drove back home. We were tired, of course, by the time we got home so we took a loooooooooooong afternoon nap. Then we got up and cooked this huge snackie-dinner. Well, Ron did. We just ate and ate like lil' piggies. We decided to dub the night "snackie evening" because it's all we did was snack. First we split some ramen soup with veggies in it. Then Ron made garlic bread and salad, then we had more soup (bean and ham with cheese), then vanilla icecream with chocolate drizzle. *Whew* We were full. Sunday it was off to his mom's for a BBQ...yummy chicken, pasta salad and beeeeeeeans. It was fun talking to his mom, she's cool and I felt so comfortable. We got home that night and were both just farting up a storm. We were speaking ass. It was great... Yesterday was spent tooling around again, watching the Twilight Zone Marathon, making snacks, playing on the computer...at which time I changed my template AGAIN. I think I'm going to keep it this way for a long time. I even figured out how to add some lovely pictures. And OH the snacks Ron made...we started out with these little bagel pizzas that blew me away! Cream cheese, thin tomato slices, garlic powder and mozzarella. Put 'em in the oven for 20 minutes and it's HEAVEN! Then we had the BBQ chicken salad with garlic bread again. So naturally we farted garlic chicken all night. Mmmmmmm!

That's it for this boring entry, now it's time to finish things up for the day. I've been going back and forth and I can't do that anymore. It's time to concentrate.

Lightbulb

I was just checking emails and got a great idea. I'm going to try to find Caramel a home through the people I know. I don't want to leave her life up to some pet store. Granted, she only has about two more years to live...but still...she deserves more of a chance.

So here's the email:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey everyone,

I was wondering if you could please help me find a home for my little girl rat, Caramel. I lost her cage-mate, Swirl this past week. And I mean LOST. It really sucks, she was cool. I was getting a little too lenient letting them run around on my porch, thinking they'd stay in the general area. They did pretty good, actually. I've only lost each of them once before...hehe... I have nice neighbors.

It's a long story...I've had to keep them outside because Ron is allergic to them, especially the pee-ridden cage. I have to clean that sonuvvabitch every other day if I want to keep it in the house. Actually, EVERY day. Letting them in is a pain because I'm so anal about my place and I don't want them chewing on things, peeing and hoarding food in corners...that's already happened. *sigh*

Anyway, Swirl was the very tame and outgoing one. Caramel followed her lead. She's very shy, but very sweet and tame. Now she's lonely and I really don't want to get another rat. It's so hard to find ones with good personalities and I just have too many pets. I'm getting a second bird soon, and I just don't have the time to clean all these cages when it comes down to it. I'm feeling guilty, if you can't tell... I'm pet-alchoholic, I must stop! OIY!

But Caramel is really sweet, if any of you happen to want her. I want to try to find her a home myself (preferably through people I know), before I hand her over to a pet store where her fate is unknown.

Any leads would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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I hope this works. Maybe this will teach me to consider all things BEFORE purchasing my next pet. The key is waiting a certain amount of time. This is one of those situations where there just ain't no instant gratification.

Ughgh

I don't know why, but I'm very depressed today. Well, part of it is that I've lost Swirl...AGAIN. I'm so stupid stupid stupid. I opened the cage door when I got home yesterday, checked on them a couple times... All was well, Swirl was climbing the screen door as usual. Then I checked again and couldn't find her. Damnit! When am I gonna learn?? She's my favorite. If I can't find her I'm going to take Caramel to the little pet store and have them find her a home. I don't want to get another one and I don't want her to be alone. I'm tired of this. I have too many pets. Too many cages to clean and it's starting to stress me out. I can't afford all of these animals anymore. Stans fucking teeth are breaking my bank. I can't afford groceries because of that fucking vet bill from two weeks ago. Plus, Pickles has plucked the hell out of his chest again. And he won't stop humping his toys. *sigh* I'm a bad mom. I'm just down today. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm having trouble concentrating. I'm feeling so lazy and stupid. I have to work. I don't want to! But what else is there to do? I don't want to work, I don't want to grocery shop, I don't want to go home, I don't want to exercise, I don't want to eat... I just want to sleep. Fuck.

*Yawn*

Yet another Friday it is. Hurray!! It's been another tired week for me. I've been so very t-i-r-e-d since Sunday. I made the mistake of going to bed very late the other night again so I made up for that by hitting it at 8:30 last night. I feel like an old woman. At least I'm not as out of it this morning as I have been all week. I don't know what it is, I've just been drained. I've made a doctor's appointment for myself at the end of next month...when my new insurance kicks in. I think I'm going to get a couple of tests done, just to make sure things are in the right.

There's not much to report. It's been a boring week. Mostly because I'm low on funds and I've been too exhausted to do anything. I haven't even exercised. Work has been slow, too. Not many sales going on so I've had to resort to other projects. I'm almost all caught up on things I'd been putting off. Ron's been working alot and I've been sleeping a lot so it seems like I've barely seen him at all this week. I miss him. I hope he gets off of work early tonight like he did last Friday. THIS time I'll be awake when he gets home.

I'm thinking of going to the park after work today. I want to take a walk, listen to the birdies sing tweedle-deee and lay in the grass. Then I'm going to pick up a nice dinner. I've been going straight home after work all week and I don't feel like doing that today. I'm in the mood for something different.

Well, that's it for now. Shit this is boring. I can't wait for this day to be over. I'm really looking forward to the park and a nice yummy chicken dinner from Boston Market. Oooh yea...there ya go.

Finished

My my...a few entries ago I said I'd finish my "bullshit" entry. Now I forgot just what the hell I was getting at.

I guess it was the fact that I felt kind of useless and shitty that day, especially since I'd run out of pills. Well, I got some more on Friday (huge RIP OFF since I canceled my shitty health plan) and I feel better. No more cotton head.

Anyway, about work...when I returned from my trip I got a huge lecture from my bosses regarding my mistakes. It was then I realized that I really needed an attitude adjustment at work. No matter how much I thought I didn't like it, this was my job and I had to start being serious about it because I'd be fucked without it. That's when I started to get serious, paying attention to details and improving my overall work ethic. It's been almost a year since then, and I've continued to do a good job. I've gotten a few compliments on my improvement from both my bosses as well.

I've mentioned before that I was disappointed that I didn't get another raise at my two year anniversary in May. Now I realize that I don't deserve it. When I was feeling low the other day, this made me sad. I still have some earning to do regarding raises. My boss deserves the raise he got, because he works hard to get business and our sales have improved immensely over the past year. I, on the other hand, need to continue to be consistent. Maybe I'll see something in the next six months or so...maybe not. But I have a job and that's the most important thing.

The pills played a big part in my improvement at work. I was feeling so low and the horrible pit in my stomach was back with a vengeance. I cried on the way to work almost every morning. I had that awful feeling like there was nothing to look forward to. I got on the pills and my mind sharpened, my mood was raised and I felt like a had a purpose. That's how it continues to be...most of the time.

Awright, I'm out. I simply must sleep. I'm still tired from the weekend!

FINALLY!

Oh what a beau-ooooooooootiful weekend! When I say beautiful, I mean BEAUTIFUL! It was sunny AAaalll weekend for a change. We got a bit of a break from the "June Gloom". So yesterday, Ron and I FINALLY got to go to the beach that he's been trying to take me to for the past month. It's this little private, rocky beach just on the other side of a more popular beach. He used to take his dog there all the time. It was very nostalgic for him because his dog passed away a little over a year ago. He was very VERY attached to his doggie, as I can completely understand...given my preoccupation with pets.

The best part was that there were very few people around. It was so relaxing laying on the sand, with only the ocean and the wind to listen to. Plus it's a very pretty beach, with big, black rocks sitting in various places. We set up our spot next to the particular rock that he and his dog always sat by. It was a bit of a hike to get down the hill from the small, dirt parking lot to the beach. I almost ate it going down AND back up. Next time I'm not gonna wear flip-flops!! The drive there was very enjoyable, too...you get off the freeway and go through a lovely canyon surrounded by hills and mountains for about 20 minutes and then you hit the coast and drive along that for another ten. We both got nice and burnt, he a little worse than I. We were very bad and didn't wear any sunscreen this time. I wanted to start working on covering up the rediculous blotches I got from my last beach trip. He just wanted some color. Poor fella got a little more than he'd bargained for. Next time, definately sunscreen...but with a little less SPF. We just laid out and relaxed, didn't swim this time because the water was just tooooo cold. We watched a little boy go in with his boogie board, get up to his ankles and trot right out! Haha! All of the few surfers were wearing full body suits. Add the constant wind and there was just NO way...

When we got home from the beach, Ron made this wonderful, wonderful, DEEEEEeeelicious bbq chicken salad. It was so simple, yet soooo goooooood. First he boiled the chicken to make it nice and juicy. Then he broiled it in bbq sauce for about 15 minutes. Then added it to mixed greens, mozerella cheese, and mushroom with ranch dressing. On the side was garlic toast, made with sourdough rolls...and don't forget the BEEERRR!!! Yummy YUM!!! A day at the beach always takes a lot out of you, even if you don't swim. This meal was the perfect ending to the perfect day.

Saturday was spent running errands. I had mine and he had his. I took Stanley to the vet, which cost a pretty large chunk o' change. But the little bastard is worth it. Turns out they have a new therapy for the chronic gum infection he has. I asked the vet if it could be an underlying cause, like kidney failure or diabetes and she told me it wasn't. She had a name for what he has, but I can't think of it at the moment. But at least there is a new treatment that has had some marked success. Plus it's so much easier for him to take, I don't have to shove a pill in his sore mouth. The new pills are soft, chewable and taste like tuna. So he just eats 'em up! I hope this treatment works for him...

Once we were done with all of our errands, we just sat around and relaxed. We each did our own thing for a while, he practiced on bass guitar and I did some drawing, cleaned out the closet some, played around on the computer and started a little sculpting project with some clay I found in the closet. Then I had to show him all of the drawings I have from when I was little. Well, not ALL of them...there are thousands! I was SUCH a doodler. It was so much fun showing him that stuff. Then we played video games forever. It was lovely.

I finally got to bring the parakeets to work today to give to my coworker. She's going to get a ride home from her husband instead of taking the bus. Hurray! I set up an old cage with a few toys and perches and gave her the whole package. Lord knows I need to get rid of some cages. Nice to have one less cage to clean...for a little while anyway. The new bird will be in the cage alone and is even smaller than the parakeets so I probably won't have to clean that cage as much. Plus, birds don't stink. That's the wonderful thing about them. Their poop doesn't stink unless it's accumulated for weeks. I wish I could say the same for the rats. Although the girls aren't as smelly as the boys.

There's the weekend rundown. Now it's time for me to get to work. Yea, that little thing I sometimes do here...at work. Hehehe! It's slow now that it's summer though. So I have a bit more time for this. Yay...

Another damn BIRD

Okay, this is Pickles. He looks just like that photo I posted last week. He has all his feathers and looks fantastic.
He still retains the bad plucking habit he developed two years ago when I had to board him for a week. I didn't see him for five whole days and by the time I did, he had plucked his chest bald. Parrots sometimes do that when they go through a stressful situation. The poor thing thought I'd abandoned him and freaked out. So every now and again he'll pluck a little hole in his chest feathers. It sucks and I feel awful when he does it. At least now he's progressed to the point that he doesn't pluck them bald anymore, and he doesn't do it again right away once they're grown back. Yea, more fun with my digicam.
I'm all parrot happy right now, given that I will be getting a new little guy in the next month or so. I've been reading all I can about parrotlets. It's a very fun hobby and makes me so happy. I know, me and my pets.

Hairy Girl

This here is a fluffy picture of Rosie muh Chilean Rose Tarantula. She'da beaut.
I was going through my camera while avoiding the laundry fold fest and came upon this picture. It turned out particularly well, I think. She shows up nicely against the blue of my jeans. Thought I'd throw it up here. I took this when I was cleaning out her enclosure a few months ago. I like 'er, she's such a mellow spider. I love how slowly and fluidly her legs move.

So...guess it's time to stop avoiding. Then I can come back here and finish last night's bullshit. Onward...

Drugs

Ugh. Tired. PMS is knocking at my door. Actually, it's already been let in. Now I feel shitty, but it should be over soon. BLEEEeecchhchchh...

I got to bed laaaaate last night. "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" was a lot better than I'd expected it to be. I laughed and I even cried. It was mostly lighthearted but there were some touching scenes in there that had me tearing up. And the girls were great together, great little actresses. After the movie went we to dinner and met up with a couple of other friends. So that made the evening stretch out a bit. I didn't get home 'til almost midnight. Ron was up and I hung out with him 'til about 1:30. Oh how I hated to see this morning.

Work was a little weird today. I'm already kind of moody because of PMS and the fact that I'm low on pills. Yes, the evil pills...

I've been taking Paxil since I broke up with Arn this past September. I've been on and off anxiety/depression meds since I was 18. The first thing I took was Zoloft and that helped a lot with my overall mood. It really helped with my social anxiety and depression that became very apparent when I entered college. Zoloft helped me feel more comfortable in my skin. I took it for about a year and then got off of it for 3 years. I started to take Paxil on and off when Arn and I started to have problems. This was around the time my parents and I moved out of the house I grew up in and about 45 minutes away to Orange County. I wasn't ready to move out on my own so I went with my parents to start over in a new town. I didn't want to go to school so I started looking for work and got into the temp thing. I was often in between jobs and this stressed me out a helluva lot. Taking Paxil was expensive (still is) because I never had insurance. So I got into the bad habit of 'stretching it out'. I mean, $60 - $70 for a bottle of 30 pills naturally started to take its toll on my thin wallet.

Trying to make them last played havoc on my brain so I got off of them again. A year or so later, back on them and this time, skipping doses all the more. With this kind of medication, you're supposed to let it build up in your system. It takes 2 - 3 weeks to actually start working. But skipping around made me feel like shit, I was always having withdrawal symptoms. It feels like my head is stuffed with cotton. I'm absent minded, moody and irritable, I cry at the drop of a hat. I haven't done the stretch out, skipping doses thing the entire nine months I've been on them again. But they're even more expensive. I was lucky to make them last until I got paid today. I started biting them in half on Thursday. The lower dosage is giving me a little bit of the withdrawal feeling, but not as much...cotton head and irritablility are the most prominent symtoms right now.

That's why I was feeling fucked at work today. Well, that and the fact that I got about four hours of sleep. I am a huge PUSSY when it comes to sleep deprivation. One night of less than my usual 6 to 8 hours and I feel right about shitty all day.

I got an email from my boss instructing me to give him a raise. It made me feel bad because...*sniff*...EYE wanted one! But I feel like I don't deserve one. Not yet, anyway. I got a substantial one last year and I feel like I still have some earning to do. I was very depressed last year, especially when I'd first gotten my job. The job was supposed to be temporary (I was still very much in that state of mind) while I looked for a company I could stay at, one with better benefits. So I really didn't care about my job and treated it so. I didn't pay attention to what I was doing...and during this time I was on and off my pills. Again. I got a raise at 6 months and another at 9, then a niiiiiice one at my year mark. Right after that raise and my trip to New York, they discovered I was making a lot of mistakes.

Fuck, I gotta pee and I'm tired. I'm not done yet but hell...I'll continue it tomorrow. Feeling random right now. Later.

Meatball

Yesterday ended well. I went for a jog around the track at my old highschool. I'm glad I've started going there to jog for a change. It's yet another place I can get a workout. I think next time I jog it'll be around work again.

After my jog I made an incredible meatloaf. It was like a giant meatball. Just an egg, some breadcrumbs and spaghetti sauce from the night before. Then as a cute garnish I put sliced tomatoes across the top. It turned out delicious, very moist. I had mac & cheese and peas on the side. Wow, another real meal complete with proteins, carbs and greens. I'm going to have to stop this cycle and have brownies for dinner tonight.

It's about time for my chocolate fiend to come out. Yup, it's the dreaded period week. I'm feeling a bit depressed/pissy today. Yet another mood in which I do not feel like doing a damn thing. I just want to get through this day. I'm looking forward to this evening out with the girls. Melanie invited me to see a free movie at her work, the one about the girls and the traveling pants. True corn that I wouldn't pay for. I love that shit though. I need to take in some stupid, brainless, fluffy movies occasionally...especially if they're free.

I didn't watch any t.v. last night. I've done that quite a few nights lately. Just been listening to music and reading. Either that or cleaning and organizing. Now if I could just sit down and draw. That's next on my agenda. If I had one. Agenda? What the fuck is that?

So I'm kind of bored at the moment. I am lonely for a new girlfriend. Melanie is so lucky, she works with so many cool people. That's the thing that really sucks about this job...there is no one to talk to.

I've made another appointment at the vet for Stanley. He's still got that weird infection in his gums that will NOT go away. Yea, MY cool cat has to have a chronic infection in his mouth that the vet is baffled over. He even had some teeth extracted a few months ago, but the infection is still pretty bad. I've been using an anti-bacterial mouth wash on him and he hates it. First of all because it hurts when I have to open his mouth wide and second of all because cats HATE having shit shoved in their mouths...naturally. So Saturday it's off to the vet to try and resolve this thing once and for all. I'm worried about him because it's not good for his kidneys to have this ongoing infection. Plus, it may be something else that's causing the infection, like diabetes or kidney problems. I think a blood test might be in order for poor poopsie.

It's lunchtime, I guess I'll go eat a little something. Then I have to go to the bank. Then maybe the day will be over. Why am I so depressed? Stupid, stupid. Stop it and be happy. Yes. Happy day.

Later.

Weather gods suck ass

I just have to complain about the fact that naturally, today being MONDAY when Ron and I have to WORK, has to be the most GORGEOUS fucking day! OF COURSE! It couldn't BE any other way!!

We've been trying to go to the beach for the past THREE WEEKENDS and it's been cold each and every one. Only for Monday to roll around and have it be gorgeous. ERG. I know, I know...come August I'm going to be begging for it to cool off again. We have plenty of time to go to the beach. It's...it's just that I wanna use my new fins again DAMNIT!!! Oh well, the time will come soon enough.

It's time for me to go home, but I'm going to stay a little while longer and do the receivables. I could do it tomorrow, but there's a lot of moola and I should deposit it... Also, I want to wait for it to cool down some because not only is it gorgeous, but it's HOT OUT as well. *sigh* And I have to fucking JOG today. *SIGGGHHHH* Gotta work muh butt 'cause I all I did was sit around, eat and watch movies all weekend. Because the weather was so ugly.

Ah, but such is my life!

Ratastrophe

I guess the last time I updated the current haps was last weekend. My elbow is much better. I now have a big, crusty scab that Ron has dubbed "road bacon". Mmmmm, looks quite tasty. It's very thick and I am not EVEN going to attempt to remove it. It's going to stay until it falls off all by itself. But at least my bone stopped aching and it's not so sensitive anymore. It still hurts a little bit, but it's not bothering me enough to where I'm constantly aware of it.

The past week went smoothly at work. My boss from Poland was here and that made it go pretty quickly. If I wasn't helping him, I was working on last minute orders from the show. Kept me nice and busy.

One of my rats, Caramel (the not so smart one) escaped last Wednesday. I had gotten carried away with cleaning the yard and had forgotten that I'd let the rats out to run around on the porch. Caramel doesn't leave the cage much and if she does, she'll just scamper back and forth on the porch. That's what she does when I'm keeping an eye on them...which I usually do. Swirl always follows me around or climbs the screen door to hang out on the doorknob.

Well, I was pulling plants and moving some of Ron's stuff...getting all sweaty and pissed off in the process. I was already in a bad mood and so I wanted to just get things done so I could go inside and relax. When I was done with everything I walked to the porch and noticed Swirl run by. So I picked her up and put her back in the cage, expecting to see Caramel sitting there as usual. Nope, not there...hmmmm...so I looked in the bushes, in the box sitting on the porch for them to play in, all around the sheds, under the hose, under Ron's stuff... After about 30 minutes of just looking around the outside of my house, I moved the search to the front house, the neighbor's yard, the sidewalk. Nowhere to be found. I then determined she was gone, felt awful and retired for the evening. I figured there was still a chance of someone finding her or that she'd come back and be sitting by the cage on the porch. So I periodically checked a few more times before I went to bed.

When Ron got home I was kind of upset. It was a combination of losing Caramel and just plain being in a bad mood for no good reason. Well then HE got on me about moving his weight bench and a few other things without asking him. He wasn't MAD, he was just irritated because he had just mentioned earlier in the day that we should move the stuff when he got home. Apparently I just couldn't wait. So he calmly asked me why I'd done it, if the presence of his stuff was bothering me (I had offered to keep some of his stuff at my house while he's moving) and why I couldn't wait. I just got more frustrated and apologized and told him about the stupid rat...then got all teary eyed. It was so lame. But of course he calmed me down and told me not to worry, that he'd put some of the stuff elsewhere the next day (mostly some bikes he's fixing for a friend, those were the things that made my yard look like a junkyard and pissed me off) and we worked it out just fine. Once again, his demeanor is wonderful when it comes to conflict. He's so mature.

The next day was another busy day at work and I was glad to just be able to come home and relax. No cleaning or working out in order. So I was listening to music and making dinner, when all of a sudden I hear the neighbors talking loudly outside..."What is it?? Where did it go?? Is that a rat?! Ewww!" So I run outside to check out the situation. Sure enough, there's Caramel on the other side of the wall, cowering under the staircase. I apologize profusely to my neighbors, telling them I'll never let my nasty rodents out of my sight again. Then I thank them, grab Caramel and put her in the cage with Swirl for a reunion. I've never met any of these people and they were very nice. I'm sure I'm now known as the weirdo with the rats. Hehehe...whatever. I'm through trying to explain how sweet and smart rats are to people. They can't get past the tail. Most people think of these big, gnarly disgusting things. I don't blame them, because wild rats are gross and carry nasty diseases. But pet store rats are quite different from their wild counterparts. Pet store rats are bred to feed snakes and the like. Some are also bred as pets. There are actually rat enthusiasts out there who breed all kinds of pet quality rats that come in all sorts of colors. And some of these people put their rats in shows! Crazy...just goes to show there's something for everyone. These pictures aren't my actual rats, but they look just like them...

Swirl

Caramel

Most common rats that you'll find at a pet store look like these. They're a color mutation that's called "hooded" and they're brown rats, or Norway rats. Black rats, or Roof rats, are the scary ones that people associate most with nastiness.
Awww, hell, there I go again getting off on the animal tangeant. Anyway, I've learned my lesson and I can't trust Caramel and Swirl to stay around. I don't trust my CAT to stay around, that's why he's always in the house. Unless I'm "walking" him outside and watching him closely. I just have to do the same thing with the rats.

Nothing else too exciting to report. My weekend was good, although the weather was ugly. We were going to shoot for the beach again and ended up just staying in all weekend. It was fun though because we just watched movies. I finally got to see "The Butterfly Effect". I had heard how good that movie was but didn't bother with it since I'm so sick of that Ashton Kutcher guy. Well, I have to say, I was impressed with his acting. He's moved up in my book. Although he's still an annoying pretty boy. Hehehe! We also watched "Are we there yet?" which was very corny but had it's funny parts and "Hitch" which was a cute chick flick.

Okay, it's time to get to work. I've got some things to finish before I go.

Bird chronicles

This is a parrotlet...

In'e CUUUuuuute??? Only about 5" long. My peachfaced lovebird...

Is about 6" long. Adorable, and oh so pretty.

Small parrots are so damn cute and they have so much personality. They aren't known for their speaking ability, but they can mimic sounds...and some do talk a little. Male parrotlets will learn to talk, I'm going to try to teach mine some stuff. It'll probably be garbled, like my conure's speech was. Pickles can mimic sounds and he even still mimics some of the speech from my conure. Sometimes when he's in his cage I'll hear a squeaky little "Whatcha doin'" that sounds more like "Oocha dooh". Hehe, only I know what it is. He mostly likes to mimic my laugh. It's so cute, sounds like...ta-tic-ta-tic-ta-tic... Pfft...you'd have to be there!

Leonard, my conure, was a halfmoon conure. She was cool...

I gave her to a nice Mexican family with a little girl. I hope she's doing okay...last I checked she was very happy. I lost contact with them though. I miss her, but she was a pain in the ass. Very very very noisy and messy. It just wasn't the time in my life for a bird like that. I could get another one, but I wanna try something different. I think another tiny bird will be easier for me to deal with. Especially since my zoo has grown so much.

Okay, next entry I talk about the last couple of days. Really. I was going to do it last night, but I fell asleep early. Gotta work now though.

Pretty Macaw

I'm still at work screwing around. I found this awesome picture of a hybrid macaw. I don't know if I'll ever get a large parrot, but if I do...

So very gorgeous. I think this is a Blue and Gold Macaw (actually, I KNOW that's part of it because of the beard)and Scarlet Macaw mix. These guys don't vocalize too much, but when they do they are LOUD. Perty tho. Hmmm....one day....

A tribute...sorta

Oh yea, since I'm listening to music tonight, thought I'd talk about it. I can keep my arm straight while typing so it's comfortable on my hurty elbow.

This month (I don't remember which day exactly) marks the ten year anniversary of the release one of my very favorite CDs. Alanis Morrissette's "Jagged Little Pill". This carries quite a bit of nasatalgia because it was a pivotal time in my life. I was graduating from highschool and entering college. It was only junior college. All of my best friends were going away to college. This album came out at a very significant time because I was going through so much uheaval, changes. Change scares the shit out of me. I can handle gradual changes, as most can 'cause it's just naturally more comfortable. But when there is a string of things happening, it stresses me beyond belief.

I got terrible acne over that summer, adult onset acne. It's one of the worst kind because it NEVER fucking goes AWAY. I went on antibiotics, started using tons more make-up than I ever had. Tried so much bullshit that didn't work. I felt that I looked absolutely hideous. I still hadn't had a real boyfriend in my lifetime. At this time, the end of senior year, I had a little fling with my prom date. He was a nice guy, fun to hang out with. He was in my Art and English classes that year. I was brave and asked him to the dance. He was the first and last (whew) guy I asked to prom. He was the first and last guy that I ever went to a dance with in highschool. Eeesh.

He made a great date. He brought me sunflowers, my favorite flower. We had a blast dancing, I even ripped my dress jumping up and wrapping my legs around him like a complete spazzzzzzz! Derk. So prom was fun, but nothing really happened in terms of getting the 'ol juices flowing. Though, I swear I DID feel a consistent boner on my leg that night *blush* (teeeeh-heee-heeee).

It was after prom and during the last few days of school that we started hanging out and consequently, making out. In the back of art class, at his vacationing friends house in the pool, in his room, movie theatre...yadda yadda. Typical teenagers, yes. But sadly to say, this was the first time I'd ever made out with a guy. I'd only shared a couple of shy, uncomfortable-in-my-own-skin, awkward, stiff kisses in my 17 years. Just never got the chance...(I've since "blossomed" and more than made up for it!)...so this little fling got my little fledgling love emotions flaring up like a spark would a pile of old, dry grass. Check 'dat meti-for muddufukkerrzz!!! I've been reading some artistic diary writing lately. It's affecting me. SOOOOOO, yea, where was I? At the beginning of summer, hot pants had a gig at camp as a counselor, so it was bye bye. After that he was going away to college. OH THE HEARTACHE!!

All the while, I was listening to Alanis croon about her failed love affair with the dude from Full House. I'm all..."It's Dave...yea, in't that Dave?" I was so depressed that summer and into the first six months of college. I felt ugly, I had very little self confidence as it was, I was in a whole new environment with no friends, I was alone. Really ALONE. I missed my friends. I started hanging out with the chubby little brat who lived next door that was four years younger than me. I can't believe how I let that little bitch treat me. I hated myself. I went out to eat with her the Valentines Day of my first year of college and my 18th year of being single.

She wasn't exactly a looker. She had pretty face, but a snotty attitude and a fat body. My mother had surmised from the beginning that she was a clingy, self-concious little cunt who enjoyed putting others down in order to feel better about herself. CLASSIC PARENTING OBSERVATION. Yep. So she's never had a boyfriend. She's fawning for some little pre-teen dick and has a passionate love for Jonathan Brandis (poor fellow, I HATE that he killed himself). My passion was still Eddie Vedder and mister prom who was *sniff* gone forever at this point. Thinking back, Eddie was a great highschool boyfriend for me. While I watched my friends get their young hearts tortured by love, I would go home to Eddie and listen to music while looking at his picture. I also loved to draw during this time...hence my incredible artistic ability. So we were eating and I was particularly depressed.

I was telling her about how I was missing hot pants (he had been writing me and said he'd come visit. Then I got the letter in which he said he'd met someone else...heartache turns to obliteration) and how a guy had been a real asshole to me at school. I did my old stupid shy shit habit though, asking a friend in class to tell him I liked him. So immature and insecure of me. So unattractive to the opposite sex. Especially at that age. So he basically said, "Uh, no thanks. I usually go for cuter ones." I found out what a nice "friend" the other person was, as she told me this verbatim. Ouch. Really stabs an acne ridden dork. I'm telling this to the little bitch and I start crying. She says, "Aww, don't cry... you're not THAT ugly..." I got really PISSED at that and demanded we go home. I dropped her off and went straight to my room. I put on Alanis and cried my eyes out. My heart had that horribly heavy feeling. Physically aching.

*Ahem*

It was after this devastation that I (and my parents) decided I needed some counseling. I was miserable. They really started noticing my behavior at certain times. I'd go visit my one friend in college and have a terrible time. It was great seeing her, but I'd get so depressed because I felt so left out. I was jealous of college life, wanted to do it myself but was too afraid. Something was holding me back. I had to take it one step at a time, start with junior college. The self-loathing was rediculous. I'd just end up being stoned all weekend feeling sorry for myself...comparing myself to all the cute college girls. But then I'd hate to leave my friend, leave that life. Only to go back to my own boring life at home.

No guy is going to be attracted to misery. That's one of the first things I learned in counseling after having it beat into my head with a shovel. And being put on zoloft. That shit helped a lot. It's generally prescribed for social anxiety and basic anxiety and depression. The counselor sent me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with these things and put me onna pill. How original. But it helped.

I have come such a long way from ten years ago. I feel I've grown in leaps and bounds. I've survived my first real love relationship, I've finally gotten a permanent job (a feat for a temp-addict who's afraid of a career and can't make up her nervous mind), I've made new friends and strengthened old relationships and I've managed to survive on my own. Not to mention how much all the trials and tribulations have contributed to my overall maturity level.

So that's my little tribute to Alanis Morrissette. Ten years of the pill. Thanks...

OWIE OW OW

Ow! OWWWW!!! OW, GODDAMNIT!! OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! My fucking elbow is KILLING MEEEEEE!!!!
I bruised the bone and it's throbbing like a bitch right now. It gets bad at night. And the boo boo is all tender and sore! OOOWWWW!!!! I haven't had a big, raw scrape in so looooong! Plus I keep brushing it by things (ooh!) and running it into things (ow!) and it KILLS to bend my arm (OIYYY!!!)...ALL while trying to get through the day. FUCK. OUCH! Ooooch! EEEeech!

Crud n' things

Okay, I'm sitting down to relax after a long day. I'm tired tired tired. I didn't even do that much today, either. I had a great weekend though. Friday night was lots of fun, the three of us had a blast just doing bad things...drinking, smoking and gorging ourselves. The baked artichokes were our best yet. We put so much cheese and butter on them I felt like I had a rock in my stomach the next day. And the next day. Lardy-lard. We were going to finish it off with our usual fudgey brownies for dessert, but we were just too full. We had decided to do both a steamed artichoke (as an appetizer) and the baked artichokes as the main. The two chokes I got were HUGE. Melanie got one big one and one scrawny one. We had little scrawn as the boiled appetizer. We dipped the tender leaves in garlic butter and then once we were done sharing that one, we poured our remaining butter onto each of our baking chokes. Sooooooooooooooo gooooooooooooood!!!!! Melanie loved her gift, too. She was very happy with the license plate frame because hers had gotten broken when she was rear-ended a year ago. It was a very enjoyable girls night.
Saturday was nice, Ron and I went over to the movie theaters and saw "Lords of Dogtown" which I really enjoyed. Then we went to Rocky Cola, the restaurant I worked at for three years where I'd met asshole. I had a $25 gift certificate from when I painted the windows there for Christmas. It was fun showing him where I used to work. He got to meet a couple of nice people who are STILL there from the time I was there. Actually, they're managers now. There were also a couple of regulars there. It's nice to venture in there from time to time. Brings back pleasant memories. Oh yea, and earlier in the day, before the movie, we went to get smoked salmon bagels next to the movie theater. We were gonna go to Rocky Cola before the movie, but it was packed because there was a art festival going on. So we got the most DEeeeeeeeeeelicious bagels. They had smoked salmon, purple onions, cream cheese and tomatoes in 'em. Yummy yum! Then we just came home and relaxed on Saturday night. We fell asleep kinda early.
We woke up pretty early on Sunday and drove out to where Ron lives and moved some more of his stuff to storage. Then we went to this awesome bird store that's over there. It's cool because there are free roaming parrots just sitting out on these big, huge hanging playgyms. They come up to you for a head scratch and talk. It's so much fun and they're very well taken care of and happy. They had some parrotlets there, but all of the males were sold. I held a female, but just as I suspected she bit the shit outta me and kept flying away. Actually, even a young male would probably be the same way. Of course they're going to be a little scared. But I want a male because they're supposed to be more laid back, which is something I've noticed in a lot of animals. The males are always more laid back. Makes sense, that's how nature made females. We have to stay on top of things because we're the ones who rear the young. It was fun bringing Ron to the bird store. He was cool, he even acted interested! Hahaha!
After the bird store we went back to my house to go on a fabulous bike ride. We rode about 15 miles to a park that he grew up near. Then on the way home he was riding up a bridge hill (the ones that go over the street for walkers and such) and I went to follow...the hill was a bit too steep so I went to get off my bike and fell right on my elbow. I'm lucky I didn't break it. The cement around the area was so rough it was like falling on sandpaper. So I have this huge hurty on my elbow. OWIE! It bled and bled and bled and bled... It's so sensitive and sore to the touch. So I had to ride all the way home with the wind blowing my hurtin' elbow. Altogether it was about a 25 to 30 mile ride. It felt great though. Once we got home we threw some steaks on the barbie, had a wonderful dinner and watched a movie. Then I fell asleep during the movie because I was smoking and had had a few beers. I was so out of it when he woke me to go to bed. Then we cuddled in bed and before I knew it I was in the mood... Whoo! It was fabulous. Ahhh...passionate lovemaking is wonderful.
That's something I love so much about Ron. He's not obsessed with sex. He doesn't want to do it all the time. He doesn't talk about it all the time. He doesn't have a porn library that's bigger than my wardrobe nor does he really look at porn. Not that I care. Men are visual and enjoy porn, I don't care if they have a few videos and some magazines. That's totally normal. I'm not that insecure. He doesn't have any weird fetishes, either. But he is a horny guy..at the right time. He's juuuust open minded enough, which totally turns me on. I don't know, we're just so in tune when it comes to sex. He doesn't ever make me do anything I don't want to do. That all has to do with the respect thing. He makes me feel like such a woman. Aaaaaaahhhhh....
Anyway, I had a lovely weekend as usual. Work was nice today, too. Kept me busy, but not too crazy. It was my boss' first day back from the conventions he'd gone to in the midwest. I expect tomorrow to be a bit more busy because there are some things we need to work on now that he's here.
I was happy to find out that my co-worker is going to take my parakeets for her granddaughter. Yay! They're going to get a good home! She just had to check with her daughter and she kept forgetting. Her daughter's family loves animals and they have a couple of pets already. I'm going to bring the birds into work on Friday for her to take home. I've got a cage to give her and everything. It's a travel cage though, and I told her as much. She knows that she's going to have to tel her daughter to get a much bigger cage for them to fly in. So I'm happy to have found them a home.
Okay, it's getting late and I haven't eaten dinner yet. Gotta go do some cage cleaning and shower so I can eat and relax. Buh-bye!

One more picture, bear with me...

This is my lovely fish tank. In't it peeeerrty?? Yea. Kinda small, not centered and you can't see any fish whatsoever, but it's still cool to be able to post a picture of it on the internet. Yay, I'm with it...I'm current with the technology. I finally got a digicam. Congratulations to me.

So I just got home from Target, got Melanie a license plate holder to go with her lovely steering wheel cover. Then just to be goofy as hell I threw in some fuzzy dice. Package complete. I'm s'posed to go over there in a few so I should probably get to the dreaded cleaning of the rat cage. I've let the rats out to run around on the porch for now and I can hear Swirl climbing the screen door. I just checked...sure enough... I have to go out there often to check on them. I usually stay outside and watch them, just in case curiosity takes over, which it usually does with Swirl. They're good though, they pretty much stay by the cage...for NOW. Okay, I think that's going to be it for today. More pictures coming, I'm sure...