You're not alone

Although you my feel that way. Wow, it's been a week. I'm getting bored with blogging again. Things are gonna change, I can feel it. "SOOOyyyy...un PERDIDOORRrrr!!! I'ma loser bay-beeehhh...so why don't ya kill me! Get crazy with duh cheeze whiz!"

Ahem...

Okay, hilights from Christmas...

*Ron and I loved each other's gifts. My favorite by far...autographed pic of Mike Patton.
*My stomach felt like shit all weekend.
*My neice is a sweet, thoughtful girl...my nephew is a typical 16 year old selfish asshole.
*The food was okay, not homemade this year.
*Finally got a George Forman grill, thanks mom and dad!
*Tequila

Onward to the new year...

Mmmfffmmmffmfmffmmm...Bbbllleeeccchhh

OoOoOoOoOooOOooooOOoohhh...my hay-ed. Not feeling too hot this morning. Annual work holiday party yesterday. If you wanna call it a party. The four of us...boss, Ron, the cleaning lady and I, ate lunch together. Had a little soiree, we did. What made it a soiree instead of just a plain 'ol lunch party, you ask?



Yep, that was the work fridge yesterday. WAS. It's considerably more empty of alcoholic beverages today thanks to our efforts. At least I didn't mix like I did at the holiday party two years ago. I learned my lesson the hard way. Ah yes, what a lovely memory... Let us diverge to the story of that particular work holiday party, shall we? My boss and I, my brother Steve and his friend Bill had our celebratory sushie lunch together that day. There I was, all proud of myself for always having been a "resposible drinker" never having spewed my gut loot after downing a few too many, EVER. "I'm fine", I thought, after two glasses of champagne (DEADLY) and two more glasses of wine. "I'm swell", I still thought, after two beers and a vodka and water drink. "Ev-er-ee-thingz juss daaaaandy", runs through my slushy mind after two MORE beers (by this time my boss had gone home and we'd left my workplace to go hang Bill's place) and a toke off a pipe.

We continued to hang out, drink I think I had one more beer) listen to music, talk...and then...*gurgle* *gurgle* "UH-OH" *gurgle* "SHIT" *gurgle* "I godda go to thu..." *bleeuurrbblshtthffff* You ever try to hold back the inevitable? Silly question, I know. By now my brother had left and it was just Bill and I listening to music while I tried to sober up enough to drive home. Bill's passed out on the bed and I'm over on the couch fighting the waves of nausea. For a half an hour. Until I finally realized I had to get to the bathroom before I...too late. Puked down the front of my sweater. Of course, before the puke landed on my sweater I was feebly trying to hold it in my mouth. Ugh...I'm making myself feel worse as I write this. I look over at Bill and he is indeed passed out. I go into the bathroom and proceed to puke more 'cause, you know, holding it in my mouth with all it's acid-y goodness doesn't quite help with keeping those waves of nausea from becoming behemoth bursts of barf. During my misery I manage to miss the toilet, not entirely, and get some of that lumpy, foamy goodness on the bathroom carpet. I then proceed to try to clean myself and the floor up with none other than WET TOILET PAPER. I couldn't very well use the guys towels. I was fucking MORTIFIED. I came out of the bathroom and Bill was awake. He knew what was going on. I think it was three a.m. when I was finally able to stumble outta there and drive home. Bill followed me to the freeway to make sure I was okay. I shudder to think of the state I left his bathroom...I don't remember how well I did with the wet toilet paper! Haven't spoken to him since, as he was just an aquaintence of my brother's who happened to help us unload our container that year.

The next morning, after two hours of "sleep", I made my hungover way to work. I felt horrid but had to go to work because my boss had left to spend the holidays with his family in the midwest. I had to run the office. While running to the bathroom every ten minutes or so to drive the porcelain bus. My boss called to check in and I tried my best not to sound demolished. Oh the hell. By the time the end of the day finally came, I was feeling a little better because I'd managed to keep some dry bread down.

I'm proud to say that I haven't done anything that horrible drinking-wise since. Well, only once. But I only puked once and then it was over. Today I just feel a tinge of squeemish tummy. The headache was squelched some by my friends aspirin and tea. I was smart to stick with mostly beer yesterday. Had some wine with lunch. The cleaning lady left first, then Ron had to go to work and it was just my boss and I hangin' for a while. It was fun talking to him, he's such a nice down to earth guy. He left 'cause he had to get up waaay early this morning to catch a plane back home. I stayed and tooled on the internet a bit 'til I felt good enough to drive. Got home at about nine, got undressed and went to bed. I should have downed some more water before I hit it though, 'cause I had those thirsty dreams again. I hate those. Then I woke up with leather tongue when Ron got home. He brought be a glass of water after saying, "PHEW...you smell like alcohol!" Thanks, honey. I'm glad I felt good enough to drive well. If I'd have gotten pulled over...shit, I don't even wanna think about it. Heh. And I downed that glass of water like I hadn't had a drink in days. Spilled it all over the bed. Asked for more and did the same thing, this time spilling it on my front. Then I zonked out on my wet bed. Joy.

My, this turned into quite the entry, didn't it? It's slow today, of course. I'm in no mood to work, either. Psshhht. What else is new? But I really should get to a few things. And some dry bread sounds great right about now. Later!

It's okay to be a lil' different...

I just had to save the pictures because I've never seen this before! These are blue and gold macaws, one of the most popular large parrots in the pet trade. I guess you could call them the "typical parrot", as these are what most non-bird people think of when it comes to parrots. They're used in movies and t.v. all the time and their very loud voices are usually dubbed over with some stupid "polly want a cracker" generic parrot voice. Anyway, I've never seen them in white and gold or "lutino" (the common name for the yellow mutation in birds) before now. Interesting... Maybe one day I will own a macaw. Only when I live in a nice house with lots of room out back to build my dream aviary...one with real trees and plants. One day...

Ah...good 'ol moody me. I'm in a great mood for a Monday... Feel much better than I did last week. I'm not feeling bratty or irritated at all, a very rare thing, especially on a Monday. I don't feel like beating the shit out of someone (that stupid bitch yelling into her cell phone, that fuckhead who doesn't use his blinker, that screaming child at the grocery store) quite as much anymore. I guess the main thing that I'm happy about is the fact that I got most of my Christmas shopping done this weekend. HURRAY! I always feel so relieved when I finally get started. Every year I tell myself that next year I'll do it earlier and every year I wait until almost the last minute. Not quite the very last minute (ever) because I know I'll have a nervous breakdown if I do. However, I still don't have much holiday spirit. I wasn't even feeling it at the annual family Christmas party yesterday. It was a lovely day but...I just don't feel it. Oh well, it'll be over before I know it. At least I'm somewhat prepared now. And I'm looking very forward to giving Ron his gifts. SSSSSSSsssssssssssshhhh...it's a soooprise!

Well, I'm off to go work. Got tons to do as usual. I just had to take a break, I've been wrapping gifts we need to get out to our best customers. Now I need to wrap more backorders. JOY! Later...

Why suffer?

"OH whyy do I give val-ua-ble tiiiiiiiiiiime...to people who don't caaaaaaare if IIII...lih-hivv or diiiiiiiie?"

Ahh, again the resolve. My priorities are screwed. Case in point, I STILL give a shit what a whole lotta strangers think of me. As always, the answer is right in front of me. I'll never find what I'm looking for on the internet. The eeeevil eeeeeeeeeeeevil internet. There's plenty more to life.

"Why do III SMILE...at people who I'd MUCH rah-ther...KICK IN THE EYE?"

Moving on...

Happy Birthday, Edvard

Edvard Munch, one of my favorite artists.

Cocky now, aren't we

Heh. I watched this Patton interview again the other day. And while I tootled around YouTube for some more Patton interviews and crud (damn that site is addicting, there's everything from classic Sesame Street clips to drunk Russians...just look that one up, I dare ya)I came across this surprisingly recent interview. Wow. Cocky now, aren't we? Interesting how he's so much different from that 1991 interview. The faint innocence in that first interview has completely vanished from the second. He ain't naive no moh! Well naturally, right? He's done and experienced so much in that large span of SIXTEEN years. I wonder where I'll be in sixteen years. I can only hope I'm happy.

In other news, I am completely lame today. This week has been hell because I'm so distracted. I've been putting off...well...everything. Stupid things like washing the car and grocery shopping. It's the same thing. I'm overwhelmed and want to escape. I don't feel like doing all this shit I have to do. I'm still thinking too much. I'm bored, lonely, unmotivated, worried and depressed. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. I don't have to be...there's PLENTY to do. And I miss Ron, he's on that shitty damn schedule again. I'm not letting him know it's bothering me though. No crying! *sigh*

Another thing that's got me down is that I wrote to my cousin on Myspace last week and have heard nothing from her. Same with a couple of the other people. That site makes me feel like I'm in highschool. It makes me feel so insignificant. So stupid. Why should I care? I feel so worthless again today. I'm just dwelling on these feelings, that's why they won't go away. I'm letting fear get in the way. I can't continue to be afraid of life. I don't know. I'm not getting anywhere. Same old crap. I think I'll go get a sandwich.

It's true, I tell you...

Hey, remember bowling night? Well I just received a lovely Christmas card from Cathie with pictures from that night included. Pictures that were taken on an actual FILM camera! They turned out wonderfully, I think.

First off, we have a fairly nice picture of Ron and I. TOGETHER. Without him making a stupid face. I just might FRAME this one! Finally...



We look cheery on this night of bowling and beer. And if you look over there in the left hand corner, you will see the former teen heartthrob in all his bandanna'd glory. Well, not all of it 'cause it's the back of his head.

This adorable picture of Cathy with a "Y" and I gives a frontal view of the Garrett.



Mmmhmm. Woo. OH how I wish it were...



...HE that I would see at some random bowling alley in my hometown. *sigh* I can always hope. I'll get him to do my wedding.

HAH! Later...

No...I'm not, actually.

I was avoiding work again and looked back to see when I'd first posted about Mike Patton. I noticed I called myself a dork there, too. No, I'm not a dork. I just have a crush on Mike Patton. So what. *giggle* *giggle* *swoon* Haha! No really, I'm working I'M WORKING. Blat.

Going my way?

I'd just about shit my pants if I saw Mike hitch hiking. Just about. But I'm sure I'd manage to hold back the shits and tears of joy to pick his fine ass up. I'm not sure, however, if I'd be able to hold back to pukes of nervousness once he got in the car... Heh. Nope, the obsession hasn't faded and Ron keeps feeding it. The internet keeps feeding it, too. Ron and I are such dorks...the other day we were talking about how awesome it would be if Mike could play at our wedding! HAHAHAHAHAA!! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!!!! Yea. *sniff* We are dweebs. Well, I am anyway. I'm totally in love with this guy! I do believe I WILL meet him some day. I've never wanted to meet anyone so badly in my life. Not even Eddie Vedder. I know Eddie, I know...don't be jealous. I was watching the movie "Singles" the other day and that scene with Eddie Vedder...the one where they're watching that nature show about bees on t.v. GAWD. I just wanna...yea...squish 'im, of course! But I wanna squish Mike more! Give him a big hug and say, "Thanks for the genuine entertainment..." Then we shall all go and have a martini...

Ahem...

So this weekend. And the rest of last week. Blur. ALL OF IT. What the fuck is with time FLYING?! It sucks!! Christmas is coming!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! The wedding is coming!!! HOLY FUCK!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Put on the brakes! Put on the fucking BRAKES!!! I have too much to doooo and I...I...I... Need to breathe. I've started thinking of ideas for Christmas. Last year I had no idea what to get Ron and this year I have tons of ideas. I just have to get it all done. Soon. And be all spirited about it and shit.

I'm moving right along on the wedding plans. Got a photographer picked out. I'm pretty sure who I'm gonna go with. I've also found a hairdresser and someone to possibly print my invites. Gonna meet with the invite girl on Friday. Now what I'm really worried about is finding a DJ. Ron keeps saying he knows someone for this and that, but he is lagging. We need to get these things booked! That's the fly in my ointment right now. Making me too nervous. Nuff wedding talk for now...

Then there's work. I'm getting a little burnt out. Lots to do. Bored. I'm worried about my professional future. I know I can't stay here forever. I know that within the next year or two I'm gonna have to move on. *gulp* And of course there's plenty of work to do for the here and now. I gotta get back at it because it's waiting for me. Later...