Time is going by too quickly. In two days I will be 35. Fuck. The year is almost half over. I know I mention this in most of the few posts I've written lately but... Fuck... Time is flying. Ron and I have already been married for 5 years. Shit!
Other than the fact that time seems to be dragging me through life at lightening speed, there is not much else going on. I'm just living and trying to enjoy life. Still trying to exercise regularly, still eating and drinking too much, still have pets... Still have a JOB. The same one, too. In' 'nat somethin'? I'm working full time and it's pretty busy most days. I don't have the time (there's that word again) to write here during the day like I used to.
I am happy for the most part. Still have my down days, but it's been like that since I can remember. As part of my 'therapy', I try to catch myself when I'm thinking negatively in order to replace those awful thoughts with good ones. Works sometimes...
The thing that's bothering me the most lately is that I can't seem to do what I like for money. It always goes to shit. I think it is mostly to do with the negative thought processes that cause me to act out and fuck up the situation. I can't seem to 'enjoy' drawing anymore and it makes me sad. I so want to be able to sit down, relax, listen to music and doodle like I used to. It's not happening. My doodler is clogged. To look at my notebooks and scheduler at work, you wouldn't be able to tell. It's better than nothing, I guess.
I also don't 'enjoy' pet sitting very much anymore. It's because it turned into most dog walking, which I am not a huge fan of. Well, I got tired of it anyway. Especially since I have had unleashed dogs come charging at me and my dogs on more than one occasion. I had it happen to be twice in one day last month. It's a good thing I have a loud voice and was able to scare them away by yelling my fool head off. Bastards. I don't blame the dogs, of course, but their irresponsible owners, I will probably continue to try to pet sit here and there, but I can't imagine turning it into a business. BLEH...
The last pet gig I had with the old lady ended a little badly. I've explained the situation so many times though, I am tired of talking about it. Turns out this woman needed a whole lot more from me than I was able to give her. I should have asked her in the beginning how long she expected me to walk her dogs for her. She paid me well and was very generous. She would give me food, pet toys, and all sorts of other little things. She was very nice. TOO nice. She was also very depressed and had hoarding tendencies. One day I was overwhelmed with work and life in general. I shouldn't have tried to walk her dogs that day, as she noticed my distress and told me I didn't have to help her anymore in the most guilt-grinding way. I decided it was best for me not to continue working for her.
So for the most part, I continue to fight the general melancholy, but it hasn't taken over. My boss just walked in so I need to get back to work.
Later... Maybe not much later. We'll see...
