Please stop

FUCK!!!!!!!!!! It seems I Don't have time for shit anymore! WHEN IS IT GOING TO STOP??! My fucking home computer is being an asshole so I'm taking my five alotted seconds to say I'm back and in a horrid mood. I really should have given myself more than a half day recovery. I'm back at fucking work and being BOMBARDED. I had a perfect wedding and honeymoon and now I'm back here being slapped in the face by reality. I hate this. I am so goddamned EXHAUSTED and I just want it to fucking STOP. But I can't. I have to go home and do a mountain of laundry. I'm too tired. It probably won't get done 'til this weekend. I need time to adjust! I'll write again when I have more fucking time.

T-minus two...and a new hair-do!

Two more days. TWO MORE. I'm at work today, unfortunately. Boss doesn't get back until this afternoon. Then I am FREE! FREEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! I will come back a Mrs. Woowoooooo!!!

My previous entry got too long and I neglected to talk about a new toy I'd purchased during my bridesmaid shop-a-thon last Friday. I saved it for today...a day on which I simply cannot concentrate on work because I'M GETTING MARRIED.

Just in case ya didn't know... Yea...

*sniff*

SO...

As I was a-strollin' through the mall, I was stopped by a woman selling these flat-iron thingies at a kiosk in the middle of the mall. You know...one of those things that you just want to say, "NO, thank you.", and move along on your merry way. But something told me to listen as she asked me to sit down and let her try the machine on my hair. It looked like a flat-iron...like one of those crimpers from the 80's but with flat surfaces to fry your hair. It looks sorta like this...



That's just the thing though, this iron works with ionic technology. It doesn't fry your hair at all! The surfaces are ceramic, so the heat flows through them instead of intensifying like metal makes it do. The "ionic action" or whatever, with the ceramic plates dries damp hair, while retaining the moisture within. The results are amazing! I've never seen anything like it.

I sound like a fucking infomercial. I swear, I just typed everything out as it dun flowed outta my thoughts. How utterly generic. Especially those last three sentences! Now all we need is the voiceover,

"AND THAT'S NOT ALL! IT SLICES, DICES AND CLEANS YOUR BUTTHAIR! ALL WITH THE PUSH OF A BUTTON!"

*Canned laughter*

I'm so excited by this stupid thing because I'm no stranger to the ravages of not liking the hair God gave you. Born with kinky curls, wanting smooth strands, I used to chemically straighten my hair. For seven years I slathered that stinking, scorching shit on my scalp. Yea, I know... All for the sake of beauty! More for the immature, stupid desire to be like everyone else. I'd started out just doing just my bangs, the unruliest part of my head of hair, besides the crown (ugh!). I did it at home with one o' them thar kits. Ouch. Two years and many broken off patches of hair later (hmmm, what's that floating by me in the pool?) I decided to forego further hair and scalp damage get the whole nasty process done by a professional. You haven't experienced true vanity until a "beauty" product has damaged a vital body part. And by vital body part I mean MY SKIN. THE LARGEST ORGAN OF THE BODY. The memory of the frisbee-sized scab that peeled off my head like dried Elmers glue off the palm of my hand will be with me forever...or until my brain melts with old age, anyway. Ya know whut's kewl 'bout a head scab? It's got uh buncha teeeeny lil' holes in it! I had to kinda pull it upward through my hair. Gross, but at the same time, so very fascinating!

By year five my former bush head had lost most of its body. The heat styling I had to do! For two more years...every time I washed it. Blow dry. Fizzle. Curling iron. Fizzle FIZZLE. Never would I DREAM of letting it dry naturally after a shampoo, no NO! It'd take hours to dry and end up a frizzy, tangly mop. Think of the matted, grayblack strands of an ancient, filthy mop that's been sitting in a damp corner for ten years. I exaggerate, yes. Didn't SMELL like that, but it certainly felt and looked a helluva lot like that. I also couldn't dream of brushing it. Its elasticity was SHOT. Like brushing bubblegum, even when it was finally dry after the horrid styling ritual. Needless to say, I finally let the roots grow out long enough so that I could cut all the damaged, straightened shit OFF! I couldn't believe my hair after that. The curls had somehow become soft and manageable. My hair wasn't the dry, kinky mess I'd been battling to hide all of those years. Ahhh...hormones. Yes, I guess the 'ol raging teenage hormones had finally calmed down by then and changed the texture of my hair.

And now...now they have wonderful stying products and tools for naturally curly hair. So it only took me about 25 years to learn to style the lambs wool atop my head. Take a gander at the lovely results of the magical ionic styling tool...

Before...


(My hair was actually quite a bit shorter here!)

After...


(Aaaaaaahhhhh)

And another one with it pulled back...


Isn't that lovely?

Okay, now it's time to get things wrapped up at work. I am being a total space cadet today. Must. Finish. Now.

Less than

A week from now I will be a married woman. Wow. I will also be on a much needed vacation. A real one, not the week I spent at home in January, worrying about all the stuff I had to do. I can't WAIT. I mentioned we're going to Cancun, right? Yea! Travel to a new destination! My brain is already on vacation. I'm just a useless pile of romantic, excited thoughts. And tirednessessessss... I'm exhausted. Every day has been full. I'm not used to being this busy and I don't LIKE IT. MAKE IT STOP. It will, it will...

The weekend started with a shopping trip on Friday night. I hate shopping. I'd known that I had to get my bridesmaids gifts for the rehearsal dinner for WEEKS but waited 'til the last minute. Put it off 'til this past Wednesday, then Thursday and finally did it Friday because I'd painted myself into a corner. Originally, I was going to get the girls each an elegant pearl/swarvoski (however you spell it) crystal necklace to wear at the wedding. Then I thought I wanted to be original and get them pretty fish pins. You know me and fish... I wanted them to be tropical marine fish, hand painted or decorated in pretty sparklies or some shit like that. Waiting 'til the last minute certainly closed the window on that one. As I was shopping, I noticed many pretty, different looking necklaces. I finally came upon some gorgeous sterling silver and mother-of-pearl dragonfly pendants on delicate sterling silver chains. Four of them. ON SALE! Perfect. Not too fancy (they can wear them again!) and not too weird... It was like when I went shopping for my wedding shoes a few weeks ago. The light shone down upon them as the angels sang, "Ahhhhh-leh-loooooooo-YAaahh!!" The girls loved them.


On to the last official hoopla...the rehearsal dinner. Unfortunately, he garden area of the hotel where we will be getting married is not available for rehearsals (unless you check the last minute, one or two days before the wedding...yea right!) so my boss kindly allowed me to have the rehearsal in the parking lot/yard at the office. She's been out of town and it's just been me here, so it was perfect. Plus it's right down the street from the hotel. After running through the ceremony a few times (SO much fun!) we all headed to dinner at a cozy little Italain restaurant a few miles down the road from my work and the hotel. Rons mom did a BEAUTIFUL job on the dinner. She even made baskets of grapes, wine and cheese as center pieces for each of us take home. They were gorgeous! She'd made a larger, special one for the bride and groom! And the speech she gave! Then my dads speech! I was floored! It was just... *sigh* Perfect. I'm not used to being the center of attention, can you tell?

So I think I'm perdy much ready. Yea. Perdy much. Mmmm-hmmm. Gonna do all the last last LAST minute stuff this week. Can't forget to pack for the honeymoon! Woooooo!!!!!! I spent yesterday doing the housework I'd put off for weeks and weeks. Mainly dusting. I dusted everything, vacuumed, mopped and rearranged the clutter. Now I don't have to do anything but maintenance until things calm down again. Actually...until we move! Nope...haven't found a place yet. Thought we did, but the lady is being kind of flakey. We will really start looking soon. But I've started putting all my little knick-knacks in boxes and throwing things out. Prepping to move sooooooooon!

I'm s'posed to go grocery shopping after work today. It's been such a long and busy day that I think I'm going to skip it. AGAIN. I'm so bad. I know I'll have to go to get some essentials I'll need for the trip...deoderant, contact lense solution, toothpaste...I just don't want to get a whole lotta food that we won't be here to eat. I'd rather put it off until we get back, quite honestly. Well, put off the big shopping anyway. I will have to make myself pick up a few things. Just not today. My back and neck are killing me. I want to be laid out and stretched on a rack at this point. I need a chiropractor! I sound like a bowl of rice crispies when I move my arms, neck and upper body! That can't be good.

I go poddy and go home now. It's been a long day. 'Bye bye.

Dappled

When experiencing high levels of stress, imagine you are here...

You want some?

Pictures from the infamous bachelorette party... I've got a few of 'em, thanks to my lovely friend Rosemary. Melanie and Lisa are still compiling the rest of the evidence onto a friendly looking DVD. I must be patient. Until then, however, I would like to share a few pics...



I decided to make it a pre-wedding party theme...every time I receive a pair of thong undies, they go on my head. It was a beautiful outfit and I was even able to wear the sexy top that night...

Unfortunately, you can't really see the top in this beautiful group shot taken at dinner...



I was wearing a sweater over it. This was before I really started drinking and being an idiot.

Earlier in the day there was this guy, the lovely man who we asked to serenade the bride-to-be on our little old scavenger hunt walk. Yes, the activity for that Saturday was to run down a list of things that the bride was to do...



One of which was to have a guy, any guy, sing to me. We came up on this dude and just HAD to ask him. Yea, I know...it was great! Got the whole show, including boobie flexing. Don't ask me what song he sang though, sadly I can't remember! Later in the day we came upon a blues singin' dude with a guitar and everything! Got three songs outta him! Of course, that was because he wanted tips...you know, open guitar case and all...

Some other things from my to do list that I actually got done included:

1. Kiss a guy on the cheek.
2. Ask married strangers for their advice on marriage/good luck wishes.
3. Sing loudly, "Here comes the bride", when entering all establishments.
4. Find a man with the same name as the groom...I actually didn't get this one done, though I tried! Couldn't find ONE! Rons were rare in San Diego that weekend...
5. Remove bra from under shirt (while keeping the shirt on) in front of strange men...

That last one was the most fun. By the time we got to that one, I'd had a good amount of alcohol. I did it on the sidewalk in front a bar, into which we had gotten whisked by a lovely group of men enjoying a bachelor party... A very cute man by the name of Chad (was it?) bought us all a round of shots. Everyone in town was so friendly that weekend. There seemed to be a lot of bachelor/ette parties going on. After the shot and taking a nice picture with Rod (not Ron, DAMN) I went outside and did the bra deed in front of all these cute men, who were heartily cheering me on. Joyous. And we got it all on video! Then I put the bra on over my shirt and we proceeded back to the hotel for a much needed detox and rest.

Shit, I gotta go again. So much to do and I hate getting on the 'puter at night 'cause I've just been so tired lately. I wonder why...

ELEVEN MORE DAYS. Wow.

Well, just ONE thing...

...about the weekend. I made up a new dance!! It's called, "Taking A Crap". Go ahead and guess how it's done. Just guess! I think I've started a new craze...

Less than three weeks

This past weekend marked the three week countdown to the wedding. As of today, I have less than three weeks. I feel the same...so excited, so happy, SO READY FOR THIS SHIT TO BE OVERWITH. I'll just keep thinking about laying on the beach in Cancun. That's going to be soon...oh so very wonderfully soon. Then we get to come back and start looking for a place to move. Ah, moving...another fun task. Nevermind that, I'm getting ahead of myself.

This past weekend was also my fabulous bachelorette party weekend. Once again, Melanie and Lisa outdid themselves. It was perfect. I got to have some great fun with my beautiful friends. Unfortunately, I don't have time to write about it at the moment. I will try to come back tonight or tomorrow to bang out an entry about it. There are tons of hilights and tons of pictures. There's also more video! But alas, lunch is now over and I must return to work so that I can leave at a decent time to go shopping for more wedding crap.

Bye for now...