Scott free

As I sit here all crusty-eyed, balloon-headed and lung buttery, I ask myself why...WHY did I think I could possibly avoid getting the damn sickness Ron brought home last week??! Haha, vitamins and exercise...HA HA fucking HAH! All I can do now is suffer through it and hope for the best.

Thanksgiving dressing

A quick email to a friend regarding my Thanksgiving weekend...

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Did you guys have a nice Thanksgiving? Mine was just lovely. It was just six of us, which was so wonderful... Mom, Dad, bro Steve, cousin Mark (the matchmaker) Ron and I. My parents were so cool...we were all sitting on the couch and they came out with six glasses of champagne and a card to toast our engagement. AWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! My dad made a little speech and then my cousin Mark. It was so sweet I was still curlin' mah toes an hour afterwards! I also had my first cigar outside with the men. Well, my cousin and my dad. My brother and Ron were like, "EWWww!" Cigars are good when you're drunk. Or drinking... I finished it yesterday and it tasted like SHIT! I shoulda hadda beer first...

We went to Ron's moms for her birthday and a psuedo-Thanksgiving/leftover celebration on Saturday. That was really fun, too. His mom is so nice! She pulled out the 'ol photo albums and I got to see a whole lotta darlin' little boy Ronnie pictures! I kept saying, "Aww, lookit duh lil' pooooooooooopiessss!", like a dork. I also got a great picture of Ron from when he was in Hawii, visiting a friend. The friend happened to have a cockatoo and since I'm the bird freak he asked his mom to find it. OH MAN! He looks so cute! He was 25 and had a really hard body, a tan and lots of blond highlights in his hair. Ooooh sexy sexy! Then of course he's got a sulfur-crested cockatoo on his shoulder! I asked his mom if I could borrow it so I could make a copy...it's so cute! I had it out on the coffee table and he kept turning it over 'cause he didn't want to look at it. Poor guy, it makes him all self concious 'cause he was in such good shape! He still is, mostly. 'Cept for the developing beer gut... He's gotta work on that one. I don't wanna be a nag though, don't wanna start that shit! Although, women are very prone to nagging. The key is catching yourself before you get carried away.

Okay, gotta work 'cause I'm busy as hell again. It's never just an even flow here. Fuck. Talk to you later.

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Yes, as the email stated, I am buried at work today. I'm going to have to try my best to put on a positive attitude toward this FUCKING TIME OF...ahem...this time year because I'm just tired of it. Why can't Christmas be more like Thanksgiving? All the damn greetings and gifts and bullshit. I'm overwhelmed. But I'll put on a fucking HAPPY FACE and get through it like I always do.

My weekend wasn't THAT lovely, actually. Ron was sick. That means I was sick, too. Not really, I just spent the majority of the weekend catering to Mr. I. M. Sickie. And just as I figured, I have a scratchy throat today. I'm hoping it doesn't turn into anything major because I have to work this week. My boss is out of town again and we are slammed. We finally got our container of merchandise from Poland in on the 23rd (yes, the fucking DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING when everyone gets to go home early!) and so we have tons of stocking to do. Not to mention all the backorders we have to send out. Ron and my brother Steve were nice to help us unload the container, as it was a very very last minute deal. We didn't find out exactly when it would arrive until the AFTERNOON before!

That reminds me of something funny, however... I was so pissed when I found out about the container's arrival. I KNEW it would happen like that because it's always inconvenient. My brother had said he'd help like he did last year and has Mondays and Tuesdays off. It would have been perfect for the container to arrive on one of those days, right? Well, when I found out that it was arriving on Wednesday, I called my brother right away. He didn't answer his phone so I tried IMing him. Here's the thing...my brother and boss BOTH have the same name of STEVE and are BOTH on my IM list. So the IM goes like this...

ME: "Steve..."

BOSS: "Yes?"

Now, at this point I think to ask why he isn't answering his cell phone. This surely would have prevented me from going into the cussfest that ensued....

ME: "Well guess what! The goddamnedmutherfuckingsonovvabitch CONTAINER is coming in tomorrow!"

ME AGAIN: "Of course it can't come AFTER fucking Thanksgiving! Heavens NO!"

ME AGAIN: "So now you probaby can't fucking do it because you have to fucking WORK tomorrow! Right???! DAMNIT??"

BOSS: "Julie! This is your boss, downstairs!!!"

I almost shit my pants. I got that rush of adreneline all over my body and my head felt like it was gonna float away. I was mortified. I sat there like that for about two minutes until my boss called to say he was leaving the office to get some things together and try to find some help. He asked that I find out if my brother could still do it and see if Ron might possibly be able to lend a hand. I'm like, "Oh-oh-oh-kay..." It turned out just like it always does. Fine. Fine only after I proceed to throw a panicked tantrum. And I'll say it again...I'm ONE LUCKY little bitch to have such a cool boss. Initially, he was confused by my obscene ramblings, but once he realized that the message was OBVIOUSLY not meant for him he thought it was hilarious! I am SUCH a dork. But at least everyone expects nothing less!

I really need to work now. I have to try to have a nice day. I feel shitty. I just started my damn period, my throat is scratchy and I have a headache. And Ron is being a butthead. OH JOY.

Never Ending

Note to self: Never EVER watch a movie like "War of the Worlds" RIGHT before going to BED...lest this leads to NIGHTMARES ALL NIGHT LONG. The kind that you're so glad to wake from, yet upon drifting back to sleep only return to the exact place you left off! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Yes, definately an afternoon flick. Especially when I've been having nothing but weird, vivid dreams lately. ESPECIALLY. Talk about baiting the hook.

Dreams and reality

I was having a nightmare early this morning and was very thankful that Ron woke me from it when he came to bed at 3:30 a.m. I don't know why, but I've been having the strangest dreams lately. Many of them include my old highschool and classmates from elementary school. And it's not so much the scenery in the dream, it's the overall mood of it.

Last nights dream was awful both emotionally and visually. The first thing I remember is being at the doctor's office in a horrible state. I had large staples running up and down the length of my thighs and butt cheeks. Not standard, surgical staples like one would get to close up a wound... No, these were heavy duty staples that are used in heavy duty office staplers. The strangest thing was the way they were embedded in my skin. First of all, they weren't bent in the way that staples bend when you cha-chunk them into papers. These only had one side bent in that manner. The other side of the staple looked as though it had been carefully inserted into the very top layer of my epidermis. Not quite all the way to the blood layer. You could see the staple under the transparent skin. There were also about five small pairs of scissors, each with one sharp, stainless steel blade inserted in the same manner as the staples had been. And it actually hurt. I felt pain, the kind of pain that disappears the very instant you wake up.

The main emotion in the dream was that of intense fear. Fear that I was being poisoned by the metal, fear of the pain and, most evident, fear of the people who had done this to me. Cruel, malicious gangster girls...or "Cholas" who were members of a large and menacing Mexican gang that tormented the city for years. They had targeted me and were going to induce torture to no end before they finally killed me. I hadn't seen the girls in my dream, nor had I heard them tell me these things. I just knew...and they had just performed this particular act of torture on me when the dream began.

I nervously waited in the dank waiting room at the doctors office as the doctor took each and every one of the 20 other people in the room, ahead of me. Next thing I knew the doctor was getting ready to leave. I got up and limped after him as he was gathering his coat and keys. I chased him down the hallway, feeling the instruments in my leg move as I struggled to keep up. I caught him as he was opening the door to the parking lot, grabbing his coat and pleading with him to help me. Some of the staples and scissors had caused bleeding... He just looked at me and said he was sorry, but he was out of time for the day...and with that, roughly pulled his coat from my grip and disappeared through the huge metal doors that slammed behind him. I immediatly heaved the door open and screamed a very angry and frustrated, "FUCK YOU!!!" at his beemer as it exited the lot.

As the dream continued I ended up in another dimly-lit room, removing the staples and scissors with my own hands. The process was slow and I felt a dull pain as I pulled each one out. It was very strange that I actually felt them sliding out. Completely gross! By the time I was done my legs were covered in what looked like bloody scratches. Oozing, bloody scratches. Okay...I'll stop now. The last part of the dream involved driving home in the middle of the night. I distinctly remember the panicked feeling I had as I reached over to lock my car doors, fearing that the Cholas were on the prowl. Weird as hell. What the fuck does this dream mean?? I know I'm not anxious about my recent engagement...if anything it's a happy, exicted anxiousness... Hmmmmm...

Oh yea, and during the dream I couldn't get enough water. I was dying of thirst. I can attribute that to my relatively low consumption of water last night. Add to that fact the relatively stiff drink I had with dinner (one that so very knocked me out on the couch that I didn't even hear or feel Pickles flutter over to my shoulder from his cage that I'd left open during their playtime) and we have total dehydration. Needless to say that when I awoke to Ron getting into bed I had such a dry mouth that my tongue was stuck firmly to the roof of my mouth. EWWWW!!!!

So I get up to get guzzle a drink out of the bathroom faucet and come back to bed. Now awake, I ask Ron how his day was because he seemed a little upset as he escorted my drowsy ass to bed when he got home from work at about 11:30. He then uloaded his awful day on me, siting his best friend and the people at work for taking it just over the top of shitty. This is another thing that I love about Ron. It was now my turn to make him feel better. He empowers me in such a way that it feels so good to listen to him and make suggestions. We go back and forth with this and it feels wonderful. It's not just him patting me on the back and telling me that I'm not crazy, or telling me that, "he doesn't know what the tell me"... But still, his being upset kept him awake for a bit longer and in turn, kept me awake. So I'm fucking tired today. But I could tell he had been holding some things in and I made sure to drive home the fact that he NEEDS to TALK TO ME when he feels bad. It's only human to hate seeing the ones you love upset. That's another reason why people need support from each other.

I don't want to get into all that we talked about but I will say one thing, I HATE, with every fiber of my being, powertripping, egotistical, arrogant assholes. They seem to be surrounding and closing in on me. Makes it so difficult to keep up with the positive attitude. But self assurance and positive attitude are the tools that are supposed to get us through this. Right?

Punkin'

OH YEA! And another new development... I got Pickles a birdy buddy. Another lovebird named Pumpkin. I'm not sure if it's a boy or a girl, but they seem to be getting along fine. I got little Punkin' on Saturday. I brought Pickles in to my favorite parrot store and they happened to have one, lone lovebird. I put the cages side by side for about an hour and they seemed fine so I brought him/her home. So far so good, but Pickles still wants his mama too much. Oh well, now it's time to start Operation Ignor Oboxious Bird Behavior like I started before. I'm hope that with time they'll really become 'lovebirds'... I'll post a pic of the two of them. They're so cute! I can barely tell them apart! Now this is THE LAST animal addition to my household. I swear. NO MORE. Shit, I have THREE birds again. Came around full circle, didn't I...

Calming

OH BOY oh boy... Ron sure handles my panic attacks well. He's so calm about it. This particular crying freak out was over my cable being turned off. It's a long story, but he called them back for me and straightened things out. I had misunderstood the lady I'd talked to, thinking I'd have to pay more to get it turned back on. This of course led me to panic and cry because I can't AFFORD to pay more and I NEED MY BASIC CABLE DAMMIT! It's the fucking simple things in life, okay? I want my ANIMAL PLANET and COMEDY CENTRAL!!!!! So I called Ronnie poop. And Ronnie poop rescued me again. First, he calmed me like he always does in a very nonthreatening, gentle way. Then he called them and gave them hell. He's SO good at working with people to get what he wants. That's one of his great strengths. So he worked it all out with them and I should have my cable back by Friday. And since I have to wait so long, he made sure that I received a credit as well. GO RON!!!! Thank you, honey pile.

Day Two in China

And now I will finally continue with my China trip pictures. These are from our second full day there. We spent the day walking around and checking out the temples that were practically around the corner from Devin's place.

Actually, I'll start out with the night before day two...we went to Tianemen Square which was another awesome, historic experience.

On our way back from the square I got an action shot of Melanie and Devin...

This was in an area of shops around a big lake in Beijing. A local gathering place where there was live music and such. We got bombarded by many Chinese people saying,"Hi, Hello, HELLO, HI THERE, Hi, Hello!!!" to the foreign tourists. We were quite eyecatching, the three white folks and one Chinese man. I tried to get a shot of the Chinese Starbucks but you couldn't make out the sign (the most important part) because it was overexposed.

On to the next day. This is a candid shot caught by Devin that morning as she came outta the public bathroom ('member, there's one on EVERY corner!), completely oblivious 'cause she just woke up.

Hey there! Everything come out alright?

Before we left for the temples I had to take some random pictures...

Ron is the bike fan so there are several pictures of old bikes that I saw all over the place. I even got hit by one! Not too hard though, I was just trying to avoid being hit by a car when a bike came sailing past my arm, cutting a nice little triangle outta my wrist. Pedestrians DO NOT have the right of way there. I'd like it to be that way here. It would really help my road rage to be able to just mow down that stupid mutherfucker who decided to just step off the curb without looking... And I wish I would have gotten a picture of the dirty look I got from that particular Chinaman bicyclist. Hmmm, I wish I coulda gotten MANY pictures of all the dirty looks we got. Them people is always mad. Gee, I wunner why??

This is the view down the little hallway to the outside of the Hutong. I was ready to go.

And off we went...Devin closing the doors at the front of the Hutong entrance.

And then we made it outside the Hutong. This is what the "streets" look like. Many people make a living from their home. The front of their Hutong is the shop/bakery/whatever and they live in the back.

Oooooooooh! Another old bike! These were all over the place. The back part was used to carry food, laundry, children, pets, trash...

And I just had to get this lovely picture of the back of a Chinese car. I think they'd curse us if they saw the rediculous, overpriced, gas guzzling fucking SUV MONSTERS we all drive here. I really admire their economy... It's 'cause they have to, I know. They're not free and spoiled like us Americans.

After about 15 minutes of walking, we arrived at the first temple, Confusious Temple. It's mostly courtyard with a few temples spread out on the grounds. Unfortunately, the main temple was under construction and we couldn't go in. But it was still beautiful, not to mention serene... There were these amazing trees all around, covering the courtyard with dappled sunlight...

An altar to Confusious...I didn't realize that I was stepping on some incense offerings as I took this picture. Melanie's like, "Uh, Julie..." Don't worry, I bowed and apologized!

Inside one of the temples... I can't believe the gorgeous artistic detail! That's one of the things I love about Chinese culture, their amazing artwork. Everything is art to them...

Even the trashcans...

Yes, that's a Confusious trashcan. Lovely, ain't it?

On to the Buddhist temple...

Yea dude, I'm a fucking tourist, get the fuck outta my picture!!

There were a lot of temples to Buddha. Who'duh thunk it? Pfft...

Oooh, and they were burning incense and making offerings all over the place!

We had to do it, too. Gotta be respectful to duh Buddha.

Make some wishes!!

More amazing artistic detail. Wow...

Here we have the three of us doing our "handshake"...

Devin started this little ditty when he came to visit us over the summer. Every time we'd do/see/say something cool out came the hands for the handshake. Making it all the way to fucking China to visit our friend makes for a whole lotta handshakes! We had to catch one of them... I know, I know, we're just TOOO CORNY, aren't we?! Hehe!

So we visited two whole temples and all that walking around in awe made us tired and hungry. This is on our way back home to get ready for dinner...

Devin's all..."Hey birdlady! Oooooh, BIRDS! What are they??" Why, they're Myna birds! WOW! COOL! AWESUUMMM!!!!! Yea. These guys are famous for their parrotlike mimicking ablility. I think I posted this pic in one of my other deleted China trip entries. Here it is again. Birdies. Yay.

And then we ended the day with a wonderful Chinese dinner din din. Oh yummy yummy dumplin's!!!!

Okay, that's it for now. Next is an organized entry on our backpacking trip to The Great Wall.

Thar she blows!

This is the best picture I could get for now... As with all of my pictures, it's a little blurry. So LOOK! THERE IT IS! A RING!! ISN'T THAT EXCITING???? Hehe... I love it though, it's just my style. Very simple and elegant. I love the setting, right around the center diamond are three little ones set in the band on each side. Makes it all sparkly n' such. So sparkly n' such that I've almost rearended people while admiring it in the car. You know, 'cause I just GOTTA look at it every ten seconds. Yea. There it is... Woowooweewah. Happy Day!

Announcement

I have kind of a lot to write about, but I wanted to post this announcement first and foremost...

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!! I'M ENGAGED I'M ENGAGED I'M ENGAGED I'M ENGAAAAGED!!!!!!!!!!!

As of yesterday, November 13, 2005 at 4:30 p.m. We were at the beach that we had gone to all summer, the one with the big rock that he and his beloved dog used to hang out at... He had told me on Thursday that he wanted to go on a nice, romantic picnic at the beach for our anniversary on Sunday. Me, being the typical woman, thought that would be the perfect way to spend our anniversary.

Yesterday morning I got out of the shower and went to the bedroom to get dressed... On the dresser was a beautiful bouquet of roses and a card. So I thought it would be the perfect time to give him the lovely anniversary card and candy I'd gotten him earlier in the week. And I shouldn't call it candy...no no no... The word "candy" does not do chocolate justice. Especially THIS chocolate. Six different, GIGANTIC pieces of heavenly chocolate bliss. Oh yea, and the old "Love Coupons", 'member those? I know, enough to gag a maggot. Corny as hell, but it's fun. Anyway, I found "Love Cheques" instead. From the "Bank of Eros". Fucking hilarious and corny. I had to get them! He loved them, got a good laugh too!

After the exchange he packed up the picnic lunch he'd gotten on Saturday... Roastbeef sammies on huge onion rolls with potato salad. And apple cider to drink. We got there at about three p.m., laid out our blanket next to the rock and ate a splendid lunch. We were STARVING by the time we got there, which made the sandwiches taste all the better. After about an hour of eating and enjoying the surroundings, we got ready to leave 'cause it IS November and it was starting to get a little chilly. We hiked up the hill to the car and after we'd loaded our stuff, Ron said we should go over to the edge of the cliff and look at the pretty scenery...something we've done almost every time we've gone to that beach 'cause it's just so damn nice and relaxing to look at. No really, I had NO IDEA.

We stood there and had a cigarette, watching the sun start to turn orange, marveling at the full moon that has appeared exactly opposite the setting sun... Next thing ya know he looks at me and says, "Happy Anniversary, I love you so much...and there's something I want to ask you..." *Ding* inside my head, rush of adrenaline to my toes and fingertips, I start to get that dizzy, am I really here?? feeling 'cause we women (at least the little princess that's inside all of us)are all too familiar with those last seven words... He gets down on one knee and says my full name and and and and, "Will you marry me?" My answer? "YES, OH HONEY, YES YES YES! I WILL I WILL!!!" Then, he says, "And of course I have to make it official..." He pulls the little box out of his pocket, opens it up and presents me with a gorgeous ring that he picked out all by himself. It is absolutely perfect, very tasteful, simple and elegant. I'll have to post a picture of it soon 'cause words won't do it justice. Words never do these types of things justice. I hugged him tightly and started crying, repeating the words, "Oh honey, oh HONEY, OH HONEY!!!" Then, as if on cue, five parrots flew over our heads and into the sunset. Stop rolling your eyes!!!! Hehehehe! It was the epitome of a romantic enagement and it was perfect. By ourselves on the edge of a cliff, looking at the ocean and the sunset. It's a very simple formula and this man has got it DOWN! Most importantly, I've never been so sure about anything in my life. It's a very wonderful feeling, to say the least.

I told my parents and Melanie right away. Gonna make the rest of the announcements today...

Dangling birdy barf

I guess I was just a leeeeeeeetle hyped up about Pickles yesterday. I really want to get him all squared away with a birdy buddy. When I get an idea in my head that involves a new pet, I'm ON IT. I had thought of calling the lady at the good parrot store where I got Toby, but she wasn't going to be there until later. I wanted to get a new bird NOW if I could. So I went to the shitty pet store where I usually get Rosie's crickets. I hadn't given her dinner in a little over a week so I needed to go to that pet store anyway and it's right on the way home. The reputable store is far away, of course. So I thought I'd give this shithole a try since they always have plenty of lovebirds. It being so close gave me time to run home and get my birdy so that I could see if he got along with any of their birds.

The store is run by a woman who I like to call "Backwoods Bitch". Two words...NINE CATS. Anyone with nine fucking cats has problems. Anyway, I don't know why I went there expecting any help whatsoever, as this woman has always been kinda rude and her employees don't know their asses from a hole inna ground (I love that statement). I made the mistake of asking one of her employees if I could bring in my bird. I should have gone directly to Backwoods 'cause it would have saved me time and gas. Of course when I arrive at the store with Pickles, the woman I'd asked is gone. Backwoods is busy so one of her teenage employees tried to help me. Tried. I asked him if we could put my bird in a separate, divided cage with each of the four lovebirds that they had in stock. I explained my situation, that I needed a mate for my nuerotic, spoiled bird, that he has to pick it out...blah blah. The kid was stumped. He understood what I wanted, but didn't know how to deliver. He was like, "Uhhh...where should we put them...duhhhh...." I'm like, "Do you have any extra cages in the back?" This is a fucking PET STORE. HELLO! DO YOU HAVE A SPARE FUCKING CAGE????

By this time Backwoods saunters over. I explain the situation to her. The whole time I'm talking to her, she's got this expressionless look on her face. I can't explain it...she's always been that way. One of those people with no sense of humor, no personality and NINE CATS. When I'm done she simply states, "Well, I hope you're not planning on getting one of these guys because they're already paired." Uhhh...okay, bitch, that's not what your stupid employee said, but oh well. I didn't tell her this, I just stood there and said..."Oh". I didn't really have a chance to say anything because she started giving me bum advice. She's telling me that I should try getting another kind of bird and putting him in with it 'cause it doesn't HAVE to be another lovebird 'cause she has three different birds in one cage and they all get along fine but she never closes the cage door and she lets them fly around the house and walk on the floor and they're fine with her NINE CATS and the dog and the rats even when she's not home and she's never had a problem 'cause she trusts them and blah blah blah... By this time I'm not listening because she is obviously not going to help me. She's ONE OF THOSE... One of those weird, hoarding pet owners who never knows when to quit and who "doesn't believe" in keeping birds in cages. These "no cages for MY bird" types make me feel guilty sometimes. Then I justify it to myself by thinking that my birds get plenty of attention and out of cage time. It's like crate training a dog, it's good for them to have a safe place to go while you're away or don't feel like dealing with birds flying and shitting all over the house. Anyway, needless to say I left with my 53 cent crickets (it probably irks the hell outta her that I only stop in every once in a while to get three lousy crickets) and nothing else. Yes, thanks a lot for NOTHING, BACKWOODS BITCH!

On my way home I was able to get ahold of the nice, knowlegable lady at the reputable store and she is going to help me find Pickles a suitable cagemate. Now why in the hell didn't I do that in the FIRST place??? I got impatient again. I am letting a bird get to me. I'm losing my mind. It's just...it's just that I want him to be haa-peeee. He will be. I'll get him help now. I've tried all I can by myself. I just can't be what he wants me to be...I can't fit into his cage! Hehe, that's a funny picture... Me all squished in Pickles' cage with him on my shoulder nibbling from a little pile of birdy barf dangling from my earlobe. Mmmm... Not a good way for me to spend the day.

Tye-dee-bowl man

The Ty-de-bowl man lives with me. He's very thorough and dedicated to his job, even if he does leave white hair all over the furniture...

Yu-up, yup...get in there, git it good n' clean, fella!

And you'd better be DAMN sure to get those yellow edges!!

Earnin' his keep, he is.

Dirdy birdy

Well, there's yet another new development on the Pickles front. I've decided that I really need to get him a cagemate. I hadn't written the bird forum I joined when I first got into birds for a long time. So I wrote to the weird parrot people (we're all just NUTS hehe) and got some sound advice. Here is my final response to them in respect to my decision...

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Thanks very much for all of your helpful responses. I do realize that I might very well lose Pickles affection toward me. I have thought about this a lot, especially since he started plucking his feathers. I have had his undying love and affection for four years now. It's been wonderful. However, the more he pines for me and plucks himself, the less important his affection is to me. His health and well being FAR outweigh having him as a buddy to me. I also realize that getting him a cagemate may not completely alleviate his plucking habit. But the bottom line is that he has to think of another BIRD as his mate and NOT me. It is not healthy for him to be this way. Essentially, a bird should not pluck his feathers. It's just not right and it is making me crazy. I don't care if I'll only be able to watch him in the future, I'll be watching a happy bird not a nuerotic freak.

Since I made the mistake of getting him so bonded to me I know that in the end it will only be him who suffers when I inevitably have less time for him. I know there are going to be plenty of changes in my life. I want to get married and start having a family someday and I know I am not going to have the time for Pickles that I have now. And Pickles will be around for a long time. I plan on eventually putting him in an aviary, if I can, with another pair of lovebirds or even cockatiels. I'd love to have an aviary in my backyard someday.

I know it'll be somewhat of a bumpy road finding him a buddy, but I am up for the challenge. I will be ready for eggs and do what I have seen suggested here. I will practice responsible "birth control" with my pair if they decide to breed. I don't want to be a breeder, there are simply enough pet breeders and we certainly don't need any more.

Thanks ya'll, I will update you on my progress.

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I didn't WANT another lovebird, but I see now that I have no choice. Having Toby isn't helping, as Pickles is just jealous of him. He needs his own kind in his cage with him. He is driving me INSANE with his attachment to me. I can't climb into his cage and sit with him all day so I'm going to start looking for a little female for him. That will involve taking him to parrot stores and putting him in a divided cage with other lovebirds to see how he reacts toward them. Gotta let him choose his mate. I hope this will make him happy. I just can't be all that he wants me to be.

I'm NOT going to make the same mistake with Toby. I'm not going to spend so much time with him that he bonds to me like velcro. I want him to be independent. I love to watch him play with his toys and talk to him. The way to keep him independent is to only give him about 30 minutes of individual attention each day. Sometimes I'll skip a few days, too. I don't want another overbonded bird. It's a common mistake with first-time parrot owners. Pickles was my first parrot and he was very afraid of me when I brought him home. I wanted a very tame bird so I spent loads of time with him. I didn't think it was too much, but apparently it was. I spoiled him. Now I realize that was selfish of me. So I'm gonna give him a little girl so's he can finally wet his lil' birdy carrot...

And Toby is starting to talk! Well, to ME anyway. I'm the only one who can understand it. It's just little chirps right now, but he's starting to get the syllables down. I've been working on, "Hi, Toby" with him. I say it really slow, H-eye Toe-beeee...three syllables, right? Yesterday I went up to the cage and I heard him sqeak those three syllables in EXACTLY the way I've been saying it to him since I got him. It was so fucking cute I almost shit my pants. Yea. Almost. So I'm gonna keep doing it along with, "Whatcha doin'?" and see if he learns. I'm sure he will. Most likely, no one will be able to understand it but me but it's still so much fun and so adorable.

Alright, it's Monday. Time to work.

Positive things... Gotta REMEMBER them!!

Hehehe, I'm back again! It's a slow Friday at the office and I'm a bit bored. So, on a *positive* note, here are some things I am so very greatful to have in my life... I know, ANOTHER exercise. But it's good for me. I am happy. Today. I want to remember how this feels. For when the dreaded words, "I'm depressed" pass through my mind.

Ron just HAS to be first on my list, for obvious reasons. It won't always be peaches, but I needn't worry so much about our future. We have a wonderful foundation. No one is perfect. Challenges will present themselves. That's a relationship. I know I've said these things before and it may sound like I'm second guessing myself, but really I'm just preparing for the future. When I get carried away, scared about the future and start thinking about all of the unhappy marriages and relationships out there, how my last relationship failed, blah blah blah... I can stop myself and be hopeful, because I am up for the challenges that a relationship and marriage brings. I KNOW that much. I am not other people. I am me. Stop comparing!!! Most importantly, Ron is worth it to me.

Lookit my poopie poop poop man. Little kah-hitty-kah-hhaaatt!!! My pets. If I love PETS this much, think of how much love and joy a child will bring into my life. I am overthinking this children and family business. Letting the "What Ifs" overtake me. Don't. We'll cross that bridge when it comes. Just DON'T.

Friendships. I have meaningful friendships that I forget about when I'm feeling "lonely" and down on myself. This is my friend Marguerite from highschool. We see each other but once or twice a year, but she is still one of my best friends. Our relationship is one of those in which time apart doesn't matter. We get together and everything just falls into place, like she never left. One of those... I love her. We are opposites and that is so good for me. She is in France, studying to be an interpreter. I admire her strength so much. We compliment each other well.

And I can't POSSIBLY forget...

The ones who started it all. My wonderful parents. Not perfect, but pretty damn close. I'm lucky to have great, understanding parents who taught me well and who I love dearly.

Oh yea, and my wonderful artistic talent. I may not know what the fuck to do with it, but it's mine and I'm so grateful to have it. I should post some more pictures of my doodles. That's next. In between the China updates. More later.

Old friend, good times

I got together with an old friend the other night (the same old friend who came over about a month ago that I hadn't seen in about five years), who renewed a perspective that I seem to have ditched again...this week, anyway. The old "positive perspective". That shit keeps coming back, in one way or another, to slap me in the face when I sink into the horribly negative, "Fuck the World" frame of mind. She is learning now, what I learned a long time ago. I needed to be reminded. I'm happy to have her in my life again. I really think we can help each other.

How many times have I heard the following phrases?

1. It's all what you make it.
2. It's all about attitude.
3. It only bothers you if you let it.
4. One day at a time. (very important for those of us who are easily overwhelmed, NOT just alcoholics, kay?)
5. What will it matter in 100 years?
6. Don't compare yourself to others. We're all individuals.
7. Know what you want, what you can handle.

...those are just some of the mind exercising phrases that I (and many others) have used over the years. All too common, I know, but all too true just the same. I need to catch myself when I get into these downward spirals that plague me more often than not. The tightness in my upper back, sholder and neck tell me that, most importantly, I need to learn to relax. Life is to enjoy, not to be afraid of.

Fuck, I know I'm gonna read this later and be like, "What a fucking fruity dork I was that day." HA! Oh well, it's just an exercise for muh brain. I've been way too stressed lately and I need to let it go. Let it go...

*wind blowing*
*bells jingling*

First night in China, part twoskie

I guess I should finish our first night in China. There really isn't much left... We just went back to the Hutong and fucked around a bit before we went to bed. Fucking around naturally included pulling out the digi cams and getting to work on further documenting (every last detail) of our trip. We were very excited about this at the beginning of the trip but by the last day we had definately petered out on our camera usage. There comes a time in every trip, I think, when you've simply gotten enough pictures. Between Melanie and I, there were MORE than enough pictures of the trip by the time we finished the Great Wall trip. Anyway, Melanie got a lot of great candid shots.

Like this one of me on the first night, once we got back from our bar outings. Doing what? Taking pictures of course!

The evening went on like so...

That's Devin giving Harry (no, not the dog, but she eventually got some too) a taste of a fruit rollup. He'd never had one 'cause they ain't got those in China. No sireeeee...

I'm observing the tasting... The look of bewilderment on Harry's face during the whole fruit roll up experience was priceless.

What's a livingroom without mannequin parts?

Look! It's Harry and Devin! And all the perty windows! Harry is standing in the doorway to the kitchen. It's small and a bit narrow, but full of lovely windows.

Here's a shot of those SAME windows during the DAY! Woo!

And if you're standing in the kitchen doorway facing outside, turn to your right and you see the lovely bathroom...

And in the bathroom you will find an example of what we had to deal with all week...

There will be NO reading in here. Just drop yer load and get the fuck out. A smelly porcelain hole in the floor. Not rank...just a little smelly-yes-this-is-a-room-with-a-hole-of-water-in-the-floor-that-leads-to-the-depths-of-human-waste-smell. Yea, like I mentioned before, the plumbing SUCKED. We were lucky, however, that Devin even HAD indoor plumbing. The whole structure of the bathroom was a little strange. It had a big water heater mounted on the far wall with the plumbing for the shower hooked up to it. The shower was not a separate stall, rather it was just one of those hand-held showerheads and...the rest of the bathroom. So the whole room got kinda wet and steamy and there was clear tape over the one outlet that was next to the doorway. A few feet back from the shower area was the toilet hole. A few feet from that, against the wall, were the miniature washing machine and pedestal sink...neither of which had hot water. Okay, enough bathroom talk...

After lots of talking, picture taking and generally winding down, we finally got to go to BED. OH GLORIOUS BED!

AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooohhhhhhhheeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Devin had just gotten that couch at IKEA (yes, there's an IKEA in CHINA!) and daaay-am if that thing wasn't comfy! It was nice and huge and came apart in three sections so we were able to move it around and make a wonderful cozy bed. It didn't take us long to fall asleep. We'd been up for about 28 hours at this point.

And last...

The next morning, er, afternoon. We spent most of our first full day in bed. Poor Melanie got sick. I mean pukey sick, poor thing. I guess it was a combo of pure exhaustion and drinking a lot.

Okay, that's it for now.

Oh yea, and I replaced the bar wall drawing with a bigger one, so if you go back to the "First night in China" it should be much better. I'm getting the hang of this. Sorta.