New things

It's always nice be spoiled a little when you're feeling down. Over the weekend, Ronnie darling got me a new cell phone. It's one of those blackberry-like flip phones, with an actual keyboard. Now I can join the masses in ignoring the world and texting to my heart's content. Watch out, friends! Here come the pointless texts about the color of my poop!

Just kidding.


I have to keep it under control. I don't want to become addicted... Though I think it's already too late. DAMN EVIL CELL PHONES! My brain is going to rot. Some more.


Yes, Saturday was a good day. We also got Ron's Sirius satellite radio installed while we had some margaritas and guac at the nearby El Torito. The radio wasn't quite finished when we were done with lunch, so we headed over to the OL' Nave (I'm dropping too many names in this one...) and got me some capris. Three pairs of those and some cute t-shirts. We also stopped by the pet store to get the birds small play gym to move around the house. Then we got a new dish rack at BBAB. Hehe... Beebab. The old dish rack was all rusty and nasty in places. I can't believe how long I had it...I think 7 or 8 years. Utterly rediculous. Oh yes, and Ron got a few video games. So we covered all our bases and it felt good.

Sunday was more fun and errands... Ron gave one of the 17 bikes (of course I exaggerate...there were only 5) in our livingroom to a work friend for his kid, so we drove that to the guy's house. Then we had to return the dish rack because it was missing the silverware caddy. Once we got home I sat down to paint a little. I still haven't gotten the paints, new brushes and canvases I ordered last week so I grabbed a small old painting from college and painted over that. It's interesting to pick up a brush after it's been a few years. Heh...I need a little practice. But Mr. Fishy is turning out good. I'm gonna try to finish him this week. I'm so painfully slow...

That's about it for now. Other than I have a damn sore throat that won't go away. One side of my throat is all pully and painful. It's been doing this for a few days. I also have a headache in my eyes on and off. I haven't been sick in ages. I wonder if it has to do with the severe change in weather we had last week. On Monday and Tuesday it got up to 100, Wednesday dropped to 75 and by Friday it was in the mid sixties! Gotta love California... Anyway, I hope it goes away without turning into something dreadful.

Later...

The Slap Chop

Have you seen this commercial?!  "You're gonna LOVE my nuts!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Rock n' Roll HIDEOUS and Happy Anniversary to us!

We rented "Rock n' Roll High School" for the hell of it this past weekend. I'm sorry to those who like the Ramones but I cannot stand them. I think all of their songs sound the damn same. Then I finally got around to seeing this movie and GAWD ALMIGHTY is this guy HID-EE-OUS. Not only does he have this nasty face, his body is just WEIRD. He's all gangly and skinny but somehow he's got woman hips! Rent the movie, check out his woman hips and nasty patch in his jeans that looks like he pissed his pants. EEWWW! I guess rock stardom really does blind the women.

(Edit: Yes, Prolifique, that was one of the lamest movies I have ever seen.  I got distracted around the middle of it and started doing other things.  What a pile of shit.)

Speaking of rock stars, my lovely Mike Patton has finally decided to get the old Faith No More back together for a reunion tour in FUCKING EUROPE. Thanks, asshole! You'd better come to the US! Oh, but we're all a bunch of neanderthals here and he supposedly *hates* LA. Can't say I blame him. But his favorite place in the US in San Franscisco... I guess it's the artsy fartsy up north thing. I don't know. I just feel so...so slighted. Anus head. I'm mad at you, Mike! Humph!

So I'm trying to get all geared up to actually create some finished artwork. As in finished and matted. Gotta do a physical portfolio before I can do a digital one. I visited my artist friend Vicky on Sunday, the colorist who worked with me on that stupid children's book that went to hell. Hey, at least not all is lost, I made a great new friend out of it! She is such an awesome and talented artist. I can learn so much from her! I already did, by taking notes of all the supplies I will need to start bringing the countless sketches I have to LIFE. I'm going to start experimenting with water colors and black ink. I've been putting off this dreaded portfolio since high school. It's one of those 'big assignments' that scares me. All I have to do is START. It will happen.

Today is our 2nd wedding anniversary. It was a tough year, but by golly we dun made it! We celebrated with a wonderful prime rib dinner at Lawry's restaurant on Sunday. A beautifully, elegant place with beyond fabulous food. The evening would have been perfect, except for the fucking sqealing baby at the next table. NO where is sacred, not even a fancy restaurant. Why can't people hire a damn babysitter anymore?!

Anyway, rough times are expected in any marriage. It's getting through them that's the most important thing. I sure do love muh Ronnie-hole.

Underneath a pile of pointless thoughts

Ha! I forgot to post this the other day...from a late Easter greeting I received on Monday.

My mind is flooded with trash and I keep adding to the pile. I don't want to dump the trash, it's comforting. But I'm not accomplishing anything buy constantly worrying about the future and letting all these little things that make me angry crowd my mind! On one hand I know it's wrong and slowly driving me insane. On the other, I don't want to stop!

In trying to keep things simple so that I don't stress so much, I've made my life so boring. There are opportunities everywhere...passing me by because I'm too busy staring at all the uglyness that surrounds me. I continue to compare myself to others. It's so unhealthy to dwell on that crap but I can't seem to make myself stop. I keep concentrating on the bad and forgetting about the good. I can't be happy with who I am and it's making me sink into another depression. Wait...I think I'm already there.

Man, I waste so much time... I spend way too much time on the internet. It makes everything seem so huge and insurmountable to me, yet I'm so drawn to and fascinated by it. All the competition, all the people trying to sell themselves. I'm not good at it. I'm just another boring schmo. See? Negative thoughts again. Around and around and around. It doesn't have to be that way.

Like I say everytime I have this psychobabble with conversation with myself, all I have to do is take it one small step at a time. Think happy thoughts. Life is NOT pointless. There ARE good people out there who care. A big thank you to everyone who cares.

Nothing but shoulds

I got nothin'. My brain is soup. Inspiration, Motivation, Willpower... They elude me. I feel so worthless and shitty again. Where should I go from here? Does anyone have any suggestions? Any offers? Anything interesting? Do I have to keep plugging along? All I feel like doing is laying on the grass and staring at the sky all day long. Where is my spirit? Where is my faith? Where is my individuality? Where is my balance?

I should stay away from that place.
I should stop drinking so much.
I should stop eating so much junk.
I should stop smoking so much.
I should stop bitching and complaining.
I should stop hating myself.

I should be working.
I should be happy.
I should be thankful.
I should be moving on.
I should be learning.
I should be drawing.
I should be painting.
I should be volunteering.
I should be reading.
I should be accomplishing something.

Should, should, should. It's all so pointless. Why do I worry so much about what I should be doing? Meanwhile I continue to sit stagnant. My mental health is suffering. Who really gives a shit? Gotta keep trying, can't give up. I hate being a fucked up, emotional mess.

I was just getting my feet wet...

So the the job opportunity didn't work out. We had a great interview, I felt very comfortable and it went on for about 45 minutes. The woman who conducted it was very nice and even had a sense of humor. But I realized afterward that I'd made a few little typical mistakes. The feedback from the agency was just what I thought it would be... I was very nice and smart, but not quite the right fit. Overall I feel it was a good start, as I haven't actually interviewed in over five years. I'm glad I had the experience because it gave me the little boost in confidence that I needed. I even signed up at a second agency on Friday. They actually called me to come in, as I'd applied to one of their jobs online. Let's hope that having two agencies working will get me at least one temp gig this week. I can always hope...

In other news, Ron and I finally had our visit with therapist as a couple on Saturday. It went perfectly. Now I'm confident in this guy's ability. Ron was very enthusiastic and talked freely about the issues we'd been having. The therapist, M, asked some very helpful questions and gave helpful suggestions. In other words, he did his job. It's always nice when they do what you pay for, in' it? Once again, validation and general help is nice...too bad it's gotta be for a price. Yea, you know it's right when it rhymes. Hehe. At the end we got the option to go as a couple or for me to continue with the one on one. I told Ron that I wanted to continue on my own, with the option of him coming in only when it is imperative. That should work out fine for now.

Oh yes... I had a checkup on my little "device" on Friday. Seems it's "settled in" nicely into the exact right spot. I got to see an ultrasound of my insides for the first time. It was so fun to see my junk on t.v. I have a normal uterus that I'm trying to disable. Lovely...

That's about all for now. I must get back to work and make the most of my three days at the office.

Later!