I managed to make something

Here is the company Christmas card. Isn't that lovely? Every year I have to make one and this year was very difficult. But I managed. I'm not too thrilled with it but it's okay. I didn't want to spend too much time on it. Those are the same clouds I used in another picture I did a while back. I'm glad I kept that file because they were perfect for this.

Oh yes, I actually do have something somewhat exciting to report! I think I've figured out a way to make some extra money during this very difficult time. I'm going to start a pet sitting business. It's probably going to start with mostly dogs and cats but I'm eventually going to concentrate on exotics. Birds, fish tanks (salt n' fresh), reptiles, bugs, rats, mice, sugargliders, skunks, alligators... Whatever the hell people have 'cause I ain't afraid a nuthin'! I figure that if I want to get back into the pet industry that this is the best way to do it.

I haven't done any Christmas shopping at all. I just wish we could celebrate without all the cards, decorations and overall trash that this season produces. I'm so tired of trying to figure out what the fuck to get everyone. I guess it helps to have a better attitude, yea? Heh...

Speaking of gifts, I have a friend whose birthday is right around Christmas. She's always been a popular people pleaser so she's got many friends. Anyway, I received her Christmas/birthday 'wishlist' by email the other day. Handbags, accessories, gift cards, spa visits... It must be nice to have so many friends and family to expect this shit from. I guess that's why she runs herself ragged doing things with and for others. She's a very nice person, but a big drama queen who is constantly busy busy busy busy. Wanna hang out with her? Better make plans at least a week ahead of time. She also loves to be the center of attention. Every year there's a surprise party or a trip to Disneyland for the birthday. Then I get this list. I can't help but feel pretty damn insulted, but maybe that's just me. I mean, who the fuck does she think she is? A fucking celebrity?!

I guess I'm actually kind of irritated with her. We can never just have an impromptu hang out. She's always got somewhere to be, someone to visit, errands to run... Last night we finally saw each other. It had been several months. I'm glad she invited our other mutual friend because I thought it was just going to be the three of us and of course it wasn't. She had arranged to get together with some other friends from some job she had a few years ago. So we met up at some nasty dive bar and after three drinks and an hour of them talking about work and pretty much ignoring us, I'd had it and left. Mutual friend left about 20 minutes later, I found out, because they just kept talking about work. This friend has a tendancy to be rude like that. I don't think I'm gonna see her for a while. She doesn't have the time, anyway.

Well, I'm at work again and I need to concentrate. I'll be back next week...maybe before Christmas. Woop.

Later!

When are the Hellidays gonna be OVER?

Only two more weeks of this shit and we can get back to normal. I haven't even done any shopping yet. It's hard to think about shopping when my hours are going to be cut in half again come January. Not only that, my actual pay will be cut also. I suppose I deserve it for staying at this shitty job for so long and not having the courage or confidence to leave and try something else. I have a horrible work ethic and I really don't know what to do. I don't WANNA work, but I have to.

Everything is okay at home still. Trying to actually work on things instead of cry about how horrible it all is.

In other news, I continue to play stupid Fakebook games. That's about it. I have to get out of here now and go get my damn Christmas cards. Most people on my list are just getting a card. I've told them the same. No gifts, please! I'm so tired of the season mainly because of all the lame consumerism. It's bullshit and I won't deal with it. The end... For now...

Just LOOK at it!

Thank you to my lovely internet friend for this. You know who you are... I love it and had to send it to all my friends, especially my birdy friends. Look at that adorably detailed teeny tiny kitchen! AAA!!! I love miniatures and would love to collect some...if I had the room.

So yea, I'm still alive. I'm ashamed to admit that this place has taken a backseat to the mindless games on Fakebook. Well, they're just the current internet sensation to help me pass the day. Stupid time-wasters like 'Farmville', 'Fish World' and 'Cafe World' distract me from reality as well as provide me with pointless goals that make me feel productive. They actually have helped make me more productive at work, as they help me set a sort of schedule.

It goes kinda like this... Start task/project, check on farm, finish task, check on fish tank, go back to project put off last week, check cafe, do a little of project and put off again to check on fish tank. I know it's bad, but my productivity really isn't affected too much. I need something to distract myself with during the day or I'll go crazy. Lately it's been the stupid games because they keep me from thinking too much.

I've actually laid off going to that childfree site I used to frequent because it's one of the things that puts a negative spin on my thinking. I mean, it's okay to visit and let off steam, but I really don't want to think about it so much anymore. Especially THAT shit. So I don't want kids. So the fuck what. I have to turn it into a more positive thing and not make such a big deal about it. All it does is make me look insecure and angry and I want to get rid of those feelings. Well, I know I'll never be completely rid of them (maybe the insecurity if I'm lucky) but it does help to back off a bit.

Well tomorrow is another visit with the counselor with Ron. This will help decide our next course of action. Things have been okay and we're both in 'trying' mode again. I've also got plans in case things don't work. I've got alternatives, I just don't feel all the way ready to pick up and go right now. I'm scared, of course, but I cannot take one more fight like the one we had a few weeks ago. It's way too emotionally taxing. I'm just trying to keep myself together and be calm. But I'm not doing enough to help my depression. I guess I have to want to help myself rather than continue to feel bad. I wish I could dig this black spot out of my chest. For now I have to chip away at it the best I can by telling myself it's gonna be okay. It's not that bad...