Happy Birthday to me!

Yaaaaaay! I'm 34 years old today and I feel like I just turned 7. Some of the gifts people have given me are so fun! I got a dirty jokes book and some Mad Libs! Woo! I haven't done those in ages!

Last night Ron took me to see 'Hesher'... Great movie, but kind of a black comedy. I'd recommend it though...well for those who like potty humor.

Well, cheers to another year of being me and accepting myself for who I am. Gotta remember to treat myself right. Time to go relax before heading out for a nice steak dinner with my wonderful husband tonight.

I forgot to mention...

One of the reasons Ron and I are continuing to do better is the fact that he's slowed way down on his drinking. I am so proud of him. He's also quit smoking for the most part. He only smokes when he's drinking too much and I'm so happy to see him cutting way back on both. It's helped me cut back on my drinking as well. We've also been attending counseling together, which is HUGE. It took me years to get him to agree to come to my therapist with me and air some of his issues. He finally understands why I go to a therapist and that it doesn't make you 'weak' to admit you have problems. This therapist is great because he can relate to both of us and has great ideas and solutions. He has been there, as a former alcoholic/addict he knows his shit. He's also been divorced and has been working as a couples counselor for years. I've had tons of experience with different therapists throughout my life, from the age of 12, and I can easily say that this is the best therapist I've ever had.

I'm so glad that he's helping us. One of our other problems was the division of labor. I was doing everything around the house and it made me so anxious. I'm learning to compromise and not worry if things get a little messy. Ron is learning to help me out by doing dishes, vacuuming and putting his clothes away/picking up after himself. It's great, and all I had to do was calm down and ask him nicely instead of doing everything myself and holding in the resentment. I know it'll never be perfect, but no relationship is. All I have to do is relax and talk to him.

I should also mention that in addition to getting more hours, I was put on the company payroll in January and no longer work through the temp agency. Yay! So there is hope... I don't want to have to find another job because I love it here. I also love the fact that it is SO CLOSE TO HOME. It takes me all of six minutes to get here in the morning and I can go home for lunch!

I'm so thrilled that I don't have to go to that stupid damn catalog conference in Chicago, too. Every May, we'd have to leave on a Sunday, usually Mother's Day, to spend three days in Chicago peddling our overexpensive bullshit products to a bunch of snooty assholes. Not to mention we always had to leave at some ungodly hour on Sunday morning. Last year I had to spend the night at my boss' house so I could be up at 3 a.m. so we could make the 6 a.m. flight. Pure hell. I can say I'll miss the bar, though. There were some nice regulars, including the bartenders. I headed there every day after our meetings to avoid spending too much time with my arrogant boss and her equally arrogant friend from New York. I was so tired of going to dinners with them and hearing my boss brag about her spoiled, bitchy daughter who is going to Stanford. Then the friend would bring up his business and his 5,000 square foot house. I had NOTHING in common with those people and I never have to see them again. Hooraayyyy!!!!

So yay me for making some much needed changes in my life. I'm off to have a nice day at work now.

It's been AGES

I know... I haven't had time to post in here like I used to. I also haven't had much to say, even though there has been a lot going on.

Marriage continues to have its ups and downs, but I am very happy to say that we are on the up and up now. We've had to learn a lot about each other in the four years we've been married and it hasn't been easy. Most of the difficulties had to do with learning how to communicate with each other effictively and I think we've figured it out. It's the simple fact that marriage is a partnership and we continued to try to be individuals. We are in the process of working out what we need to do to be happy as a couple and it is working out nicely. The most important discovery we've made is that we really do love each other and our marriage is worth it.

I'm thrilled to report that I finally got snowboarding down this year. I'm not fast and don't do jumps, but I can get down the hill safely and comfortably while actually have fun! I'd gotten a season pass for this year and it was great. My boss had given me Fridays off so that I could hit the mountain with Melanie while she was unemployed. It was great and I learned so much. Now she is finally employed and I have more hours, which are good things but... I'm going to miss the mountain. Next year we're probably going to have to be weekend warriors again, but at least I've finally learned the basics and can enjoy myself.

The new job is not so new anymore and it's going great. My boss is a very nice guy. It's so nicee working for a man again. My old boss was such a manipulative bitch and I never want to see her again. I'm hoping we continue to be busy so that I can continue to get more hours. I'm up to 30 now and it would be perfect, except that Ron has been out of work for the past four months. The company he worked for hadn't exactly laid him off, just told him that there were not enough jobs at the time and that he would be brought back on as soon as there was work. Well, that was at the end of December... It seems that they are looking out for their own, as in giving all available work to family members of the owner, rather than those who actually do a good job. So Ron is starting to seriously look for work and I hope he finds something soon. Things are kinda tight and it sucks.

I've also been pet sitting on and off, both for my boss and for friends. I've decided that I don't really want to make it a business, as it's too unpredictable. But it's very fun to do on the side and I will continue to do it that way, just like I do with my art. Little projects here and there are so fun and I want to keep it that way. I've never been one who likes to turn the things I enjoy into stressful work. I actually had a great gig going for a while... An old mutual acquaintence from high school had me walking her adorable 5 year old lab mix on the weekends for a few months. It would have been great if it could have lasted, but it turns out the dog had an illness that was undetectable until she got really sick and died. She just stopped eating one day. I noticed she was acting really sick one weekend and notified the owner, who said she'd noticed a difference in behavior in the weeks prior. It turns out the poor thing had twisted intestines...or something like that. After the owner took her in for emergency surgery, she died a few hours later. I actually don't know exactly what it was, as the owner was so upset when she told me and I didn't want to press. Plus, I was bawling myself. That was in the beginning of March and I haven't heard much from the owner since. I feel awful about it still, but the owner and I know it wasn't my fault. That dog loved me and we had a wonderful time while it lasted.

I also have a little art project I'm working on with an old friend. I don't want to get too much into it here, or anywhere else actually. I find that talking about it too much seems to jinx it. I'm just hoping to get something finished and actually published some day. I think this will be a great opportunity for that and I love working with this woman. So that's that... For now...

The pets are all doing fine. Stanley cat is almost 11 and Henry cat is 5. They are both such wonderful kitties. The four birds are well and enjoy their fly time a few times a week. I finally decided on a name for my little gecko, too. We call 'her' Pat because we're not exactly sure about the sex. I just like to think it's a girl because of those big, adorable eyes that look like they have white lashes. Geckos are SO ADORABLE! I still have the lovely saltwater tank and recently added a small freshwater tank in the kitchen. It was a 3 gallon but that was way too small, so I upgraded to a 10 gallon in late January. It's been fun, but I'm trying to cut back on pet spending. The salt tank just had a few hardy corals in it. I had to do a take-down and rebuild on it that included replacing half of the sand and removing some rocks. Things had started to look a little 'brown' and some of the corals were dying. I figured I'd just do an all fish tank and not get so into the corals for now. I'm not going to be getting any more corals for a while, as they're so damn expensive. But the fact that I've maintained things so well is the reason the system is still quite healthy.

Oh yes, one more thing... I'm still happily childfree. Wheee! I'm coming to terms with it and trying my best to be positive and happy for those who choose to have children. The only problem has been my deep seated insecurities...feeling like less of a woman because I've chosen to skip the whole thing. I'm trying not to identify myself as being childfree so much. It's just part of who I am and so what? There is nothing wrong with me. I know that if I did do it, I'd probably be a wonderful mom...just miserable and bored on the inside. Not to mention full of constant worry. I'm already an anxious mess about taking care of myself! I'm happy that I know myself enough and have put enough thought into the whole thing to realize that it's not for me. Now I have to be confident about it. I also don't want to defend my choice by saying, "I love children!" or "I don't hate kids!" because the truth of the matter is that neither is true. At this point in my life, I am indifferent to them. Just like certain people are indifferent to pets or fish tanks. So there. Heh.

Well, I'm pretty sure that's it for now. I have work to do and must concentrate again. Boss will be in soon. Maybe I'll be back before the year is up.

Later!