Fluffy Thanks

Just look at that sweet turkey face. Of course the majority thinks they're stupid, but I know better. I've been considering becoming a 'tarian, I mean it does come with the animal lover territory. I know I need to make a change in my diet if I want to at least stay close to the weight I am now for the long term. Less would be nice and more is not an option.

The first thing I need to do is cut out all fast food. I may as well be eating trash. Next comes the processed foods/meats. Speaking of processed meats...ever try a meat stick? No, not jerky... A thin, processed stick of hard, greasy meat parts. I picked up a few for a friend that was over for football on Sunday. He'd requested jerky and I got him these, thinking they'd be better. He and Ron already knew better and wouldn't touch them. Mind you, I had gotten them for the boys. I'm not too crazy about jerky, but I thought I'd take a bite. It tasted like the recipe consisted of shredded cardboard and wood dust combined with old bacon grease and gristle, squeezed into skinny logs and fried to a reddish brown in old french fry vat oil. YUMMEH!

I've got to get some things done so that I can leave early today. I am so tired of this place and oh so happy to be able spend a few days off. Did I mention that the holidays are going to be more relaxed this year? It's great, I get to spend tomorrow with friends. Ron and I are going to Melanie's brother's house for a nice, intimate and relaxing day. There will only be six of us total. AND her brother is a fish tank addict like me. I hear he's got at least two tanks now since I've been to there. He also has a couple of sweet kitties that he keeps indoors. I'm looking forward to playing with them. It's gonna be a good day. I'm also looking forward to making my yam recipe. Sweet, mashed yams whipped with milk, butter and eggs with a brown sugar and butter topping sprinkled with pecans. *slup* I cannah wait!

Oh and thanks very much to my few loyal readers/'net buds for your sweet comments. I appreciate knowing that I'm not alone in my struggles. That's why I continue to spew this shit into infinity. Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Couldn't have read this at a better time

I know... It's just one of those stories that's floating around the internet to make us feel better about our own situations, given the trying times we are going through. I received this email a few days ago and got around to opening it today. Once again, how very appropriate...

THE HOT CHOCOLATE STORY

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups-porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite -- telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said:'Notice that all the nice looking; expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups...And then you began eyeing each others cups.

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate we have.The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.

It's true...you make what you're worth

*sigh*


What was I saying earlier about my illustrious career? Well, I heard it on the Tom Leykis show. He happened to be talking about the evil of Unions and strikes and got into the fact that one usually makes what they are worth. They end up getting back what they put into their career. Makes complete sense to me.

It's just what I was saying earlier... I have so much potential, I'm very smart but I have this shitty attitude and horrible...I don't know...FEAR of life. I guess that's general anxiety for ya. I know, it's just a cop out, right? GRRRR! Ah, but it seems I don't like anything that leads to great success. Including, but not limited to: Stress, persistence, school, change, lots of work, long hours, responsibility (that's a big one, always afraid I'm onna fuck something up and when I think like that of course I DO)... It all scares the holy hell outta me. If I want to make what I'm worth, I have to put forth more of an effort. NO shit?! I know, it's so obvious is blinding.

I have to admit that I'm a weak person and generally lazy. Wow...what a difference from a few weeks ago when I was fresh with the whole job search thing. Touting myself, all high on the possibility of change. It only took a bit for reality to come back n' slap me upside the 'ol melon.

I had to come home and write this... Now I have to go out and jog in the dark, chilly evening. Must. Force. Myself. Hey, at least I have some discipline, eh?

OH MY GAWD

GUESS WHAT???!!!! Ron got us tickets to see Fantomas in San Francisco on New Years Eve! Who is Fantomas, you ask? Why, it's only one of MIKE PATTON'S BANDS! I GET TO SEE HIM LIVE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronnie poopie head really wanted to go to a Patton show together and was thrilled to report to me last week that Fantomas would be coming to California this year. Unfortunately they're not doing L.A., but SF is just fine and dandy. We needed to go back there again anyway, since our last trip wasn't all that fantastic. This time we will be taking a plane. No more 10 hour train/bus rides for us. Anyway, now I have that to look forward to...plus Metallica on December 13th. Ron, the concert addict, sure does keep us hoppin' doesn't he.

I'm so proud of Ron lately...he's been trying very hard to make me happy since our troublesome time not too long ago. Things have been good. There has been a lot more respect on both sides. Lots of talking things through as well. I feel good about our future.

I managed to make it through one of the most boring weekends of my life... I had to work all weekend. We'd planned back in September to sell some of our overstocks (some that we've had for years) over this particular weekend at the local parish during the Saturday night, Sunday morning and Sunday evening masses. You know, it's the hellidays so people are starting to shop. So we set up three tables of merchandise for the church goers to pick through as they filed in and out of church. I was in Part of the proceeds were to benefit the scholarship program at the school. The rest went to our company. We did pretty well and managed to raise a good chunk of money. Too bad it's for selling crap I don't care about for a cause I can't give a shit less about. Oh well, at least I still have a job and am back to making the same amount of money I was before the cut backs last month. I'm still keeping my eyes open though. I just don't want to take anything, ya know? I can live with having a job instead of a career.

If I really wanted to make anything of myself, I could have by now. I guess it's a combination of not believing in myself enough, fear and plain old laziness. I get so angry at myself about it sometimes. I feel like such a failure. There are so many people out there making it happen with their art on the internet, in the movies, on the streets, in the papers and magazines...while I sit idle and uninspired. I know, I've been screwed because I'm just so dumb and screwable. I have a sign on my forehead that says "Take advantage of me, I'm stupid". That sign shows up plain as day when I'm feeling especially insecure. It's so easy to tell yourself not to be insecure and to believe in yourself. It's just so hard for me to do.

Enough with the downward spiral. I've gotta feel up UP UP for my jog this afternoon. I'm going around the lovely park near my apartment again this evening. I'd been working out in at the Y gym for a while, but now I need to go outside again. I still take advantage of the pool at the Y, but I can't always go to the gym. I miss the solitude of jogging outside in the quiet hilly area near my place. I'm not in the mood to look at that guy on the stationary bike, with the blank stare on his face and sweat dripping off the tip of his chin while his legs pump like crazy as he climbs the imaginary hill in his head. Niether do I want to see the dude who looks like a warewolf. Eck.

Alright, it's the end of another rambling, right off the top of my head entry. Later...

Because I had to do it one more time, okay?

I'm on one of those stupid rolls again. I'm trying to practice finishing things faster. These are very simple and fun and I wanna keep it that way. Now I'm going to do real work. Here I go.

Because I had to, okay?

Tady loves Mike Patton, too. Teehee! I liked the picture of him (of course) especially because he's making another silly face. Him and his expressions. Yea. I should concentrate now. Come back here, concentration! Uh-oh...there it goes.

We CAN live with them!

Summer Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Sept 16 th 2008

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Speaking of Hell...

The baby shower was it. Then again, I probably made it that way for myself. I can't seem to help it. I'd better or I'm going to drive friends away like an angry bull. Typical Taurus behavior I suppose. Gotta yoke that beast in order to move on with life. Keep my damn big mouth shut. Stop thinking about it so much. Thinking thinking thinking. I should be doing something productive instead of slowly driving myself crazy with my own anger.

Hell Explained by a Chemistry student

The following is an actual question given on University of Washington chemistry mid term. Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

Another Spayshall human and...other shit

I'm going to a baby shower this Saturday. Yea, it's a really unique situation you see, mom-to-be is going to be a rare 'single mom'. Seems she got knocked up and the guy took off. Can you believe it?! So now we're all going to get together and celebrate this momentous occasion. Another person coming into the world is so wonderful, dontcha know. So special, so amazing, so...so UNPLANNED. My favorite kind of situation to encourage with smiles, well wishes and gifts.

*sigh*

I know, why go then? I was invited, of course. She's a friend of my Lisa darling who I never get to see anymore because she rarely has a free moment to pee, much less hang out and relax. This is a high school friend of Lisa's and nice enough, though quite obviously stupid. I'm sorry, she just is. Getting knocked up by a stranger (apparently, I don't know the whole story I'm just a catty bitch) and moving home with mom is not cool in my book. So I offered to help my poor, frazzled friend with the party because, as usual, she is so busy and stressed out over the ten thousand commitments she always seems to have. This is in addition to a film industry job that is a 'nightmare'...and I believe her when she says that. She is a sweetheart and the ultimate 'people pleaser', that one. Keeping this up will put her on the steady path to an early grave.

I'm glad to help Lisa any time though. She and Melanie are the greatest friends and are always there when I need them. Well, Lisa's there when she's not running around and stressing. I'm going to do a cute little project, outlined here. It's a cute idea and I'm going to try to elaborate a bit.

I have a new favorite tv show called, "It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia". That shit is fucking insane and hilarious. Ron discovered it one Thursday night and we've been recording it ever since. Apparently, it's in it's FOURTH season! I'm gonna have to catch up. Here's a clip to tell what it's mainly about...poop.

Hmmmm, I guess I'm feeling linky today. I've been following this lovely blogger for a long time now. I must sat that I love her newest endeavor, it's given me something to think about. I wonder if I can do some of those things. Very interesting...

Oh yes, and work is work. I've been back to my regular schedule lately, the cut back lasted only a week. I'm keeping my eyes open, but I'm also trying my best to get over bad feelings toward my boss. She is who she is. I am who I am. And so it goes...no reason to get my panties all knotted up.

HOW many has it been now?

Ron and I went to another fun concert together last night. Another metal show and my neck is achin' from all the headbangin' . Let's have a list, shall we? In the past four years we have been to:

~Anthrax
~Judas Priest
~Led Zepplin
~Iron Maiden
~Down
~Clutch
~Secret Cheifs 3
~Morrissey
~Mudvayne

I think I've left out a couple but I can't think of any more right now. They always turn out to be so much fun, even when I don't feel like going to Hollywood. Actually, I NEVER feel like going to Hollywood. It's fine in small doses, but the place just disgusts me. And the tuh-RAFF-ic. It was awful last night because we had to deal with rush hour. Then we arrive at our destination only to find that the concert has been moved to another venue that's about five miles away. I'm so glad Ron's mom gave him that navigation gizmo. It came in real handy getting us outta that little fix. They'd pushed the show back an hour so we didn't miss a thing, so it worked out swell.

Our enjoyment of the show was aided by the gallons of beer we proceeded to consume. You can't have metal without beer, no sirreee. I'm not even regretting it today because I was sure to drink plenty of water when we got home last night. Plenty of water to wash down the wonderfully nutritious Del Taco dinner I ate in a matter of minutes. I kinda got sloshed because I decided to skip dinner and wait 'til after the show to grab something on the way home. So I was drunk and starving on the way home, not a good combo. I'm just glad I didn't do anything more embarrassing than dumping two thirds of my last beer on my shoes without even realizing it. Hey...it was dark. No one noticed...'cept Ron of course. Which made me drape my arms around his neck and laugh hysterically in his face for about five minutes. Heh. Yea. He didn't even have to tell me about it, I remember it all. At least he was amused and not annoyed. It was a lot of fun.

The weekend was also nice. Saturday I went to a wine tasting party that my new friend Erica threw. She works for a wine club, it's kinda like Mary Kay but with wine instead of makeup. So we all got together and tasted various wines with various chocolates, cheeses, crackers and little sandwiches. A lovely time. After that I skeedaddled over to my little 'ol friend Paul's 15th birthday party. I always have to mention that Paul is the sweet autistic kid whose sister I went to high school with. I actually think I have more in common with that kid than I ever did with his sister. He's got social problems, loves animals and his newest obsession is his fish tank. Hmmm...sounds like me when I was 15. He was so excited to get yet another gift certificate for Petco from me, as he was saving up to buy a brand new canister filter for his lovely tank. I also got him a cool little pirate skeleton figurine tank decoration. He's the easiest person to shop for! Ha! I actually remember getting my first canister filter when I was about 14 or 15. I still have it and was using it up until I switched to saltwater last year. Innat sumthin'? Heh. Yay.

Sunday was football and cuddle time with Ron. It was a nice relaxing day during which I did absolutely nothing. I didn't even change out of my pjs. Unfortunately I didn't realize that I was just gearing up for the tremendous headache I would wake to on Monday. OUCH. I don't know why I keep getting these damn things. I think they have to do with mingraine. Though I don't think it is because I don't have nausea or intense sensitivity to light. I hadn't gotten one for a long time... I think it might have to do with all this emotional stress I keep putting on myself. Yea. Have I mentioned I'm emotional? A few thousand times, maybe? Gee, I think that might be it.

I think I need to try harder to get control of my emotions. They rule my life and get in the way. For me it's emotions before logic and that just fucks everything up.

Speaking of fucking up...I must have fucked up my explanation to that little bitch from Pennsylvania's insurance company. They couldn't find fault. Yea, it seems the stupid cop on the scene couldn't figure it out either. All because that little whore insisted that I turned into her. I know I shouldn't, but I fucking give up. Let my car look like scratched up shit, it runs great and that's all I care about. People will screw you every chance they get and I must be wearing a sign on my forehead that's invisible to me. When am I ever going to learn to stand up for myself at the time of an incident? I'm always a fucking day late and a dollar short. UH-oh...the 'fuckings' are starting...that means I'm getting pissed. Here come the emotions! I'd better shut it off and go work on something before I get really mad all over again. I just hope that little cunt gets hers for LYING.

New National Symbol

Yes, I think it makes sense.

Is today already Thursday? In November? Where the hell is the time going? Ron and I are approaching our four year anniversary. It actually feels like it's been longer... How can that be?

I feel like I'm trying to keep my head above water in a great ocean of depression. I start to sink and then I swim like crazy to gasp for breath. I think my heading to the Y to exercise regularly is about the only thing that's helping my mood. The drugs don't seem to work anymore, I just need them so that I don't have crazy withdrawals. I know, I need to continue with couseling. I just feel like everything I do lately is pointless. And it's the same thing...I know what I need to do but I just don't want to do it. Nothing is ever easy. Yea, it's one of those entries again. Must. Feel. Better. I'm gonna go for now.

America, the

...ObamaNation. Nice drawing, by the way. I knew he would win. My feelings are a mixture of relieved and apprehensive. I believe he was the better of the two candidates, though not by much. I mean, we hardly KNOW the guy. And shit, they'd better have some top notch protection going on over there...it'd better be security up the ASS! They guy should wear a fucking bullet proof vest to bed from now on, if he hasn't already been doing so. Let us begin hoping that he's the band aide for this nations boo-boo. Or how 'bout the stitches for this nations gaping wound? Yea. That's more like it.

Let's move on to my fascinating life, shall we? Well, besides keeping my eyes open for a job and tolerating this one to the best of my ability, I seem to have come down with Newpetneedus. Specifically Newbirdneedus. Symptoms include pining over lovely photos of Amazons, visiting various pet and bird stores and staring longingly into cages and begging a good friend for her lovebird. Yea...I'll explain that last one. You see, this sickness seems to have seeped into the part of my brain that controls my sense of right and rude. Last week, I went so far as to ask (actually, beg) a friend for her lovebird. I took it upon myself to think that I could care for her bird better than she could. I thought she was busy doing other things and couldn't give her bird as much time as I could. Let's just say I felt AWFUL right after sending that email off. First of all, how presumsuous and RUDE could I get? She takes care of her pet just fine and I was crazy to ask her such a thing. I'm glad I realized I was being an idiot and apologized.

Then I came across the adorable Bourke's parakeets at the bird store over the weekend. Ron was there with me and I had to at least try to beg him for one...to no avail. You see, we have no current openings at our place for any new pets, as much as I'd like one. I always have to think about the cage cleaning, which Ron threw at me right away... I wish we lived in a house and I had a large aviary in my backyard. All in due time...aaaaaaaaallll in due time...

*sigh*

I have to forget about it and enjoy what I have. Really, I don't need any more birds. I have to save my money for more important things now, as boring as that is. That's life, damnit. Gotta grow up at least a little.

That's all for today. I keep having to do things and I can't write anymore. It's driving me nuts and I can't finish a thought. Bye bye for now...