*Cough* *Cough* *HACK*

Just a quick note... I didn't go to work yesterday 'cause I still felt awful. Today, thanks to Dayquil, I feel slightly less awful. But still pretty fucking awful. Cough drops make me nauseous. I'm just trying to get through this workday. Only forever more to go!

Oh, and one more thing... Do we REALLY need shows like "Hogan Knows Best?" I got my fill of watching spoiled rich families with sixty-five jillion little yappy dogs from "The Ozzbournes", thank you very much. Sunday night, while I was up hacking, I flipped to the Hogan show and watched it because there was a very VERY CUTE baby chimpanzee on it. And of course the dumb fucks kept calling it a "monkey". AAAAAAAAHJGHGHGHG!!!!!! That kind of ignrance drives me NUTS. That whole family is so damn stupid they don't deserve to live.

That's it for now. I gotta get this work done so I can go home. Bleheghghghg...

Forget about me, remember them

Oh yea, it IS Memorial Day isn't it? Thoughts and prayers to all of you who have been involved in a fight for our country. Whether it be you or your loved ones, then or now, THANK YOU. We get so wrapped up in ourselves, don't we? *sigh* I just hope this all ends soon. I can't stand it. Hatred and War. Humans suck.

What better time than now?

What better time to get sick than the first three day weekend I've had in months, humm? That scratchy throat I had on Wednesday turned into a bit of a cough on Thursday. Thought I'd get away with that until Friday night rolled around and I felt like SHIT. I was out with Lisa and Paulette for my birthday dinner and I had to make it an early evening 'cause I started to feel awful. Saturday I was supposed to go wedding dress shopping with my mom and aunts, but woke up with a FEVER. Now it's already Monday, the last day of a long weekend spent resting and trying to get rid of this sickness. BLEH! Fuck! Oh well...

Art Parts

I pulled out a painting I did and took pictures of parts of it, since I couldn't fit the whole thing in and get all the details. I'll start with my favorite part of it...



I love how the skull turned out. I cut that out from a magazine and painted from it. I'll post more parts of this painting later. Happy three day weekend, to those of you who have one. Later!

A trend...six wierd things

Everyone seems to be doing this one, too. Looks like fun so I gotta try it! Let's see...six wierd things about myself...

1. I'll put the strangest thing first. I like the feeling of fuzzy things on my lips, especially my upper lip. I still have my two stuffed elephants, Eddie and Ellie, from when I was a baby. My grandparents gave the elephants to me as an infant and I slept with them until I was five or six. They have tufts of fuzz at the end of their trunks and I used to fall asleep while sucking my thumb and rubbing the fuzzy end on my upper lip. The habit carried on to other things...the ends of my hair, hangnails, baby heads, anything velvet, the short teeny hairs near the noses of dogs and cats (my poor dog Cindy...I'd scream "HIIIii NINNY!", grab her head and rub my lip on her muzzle!) and the very tip of people's noses. I LOVE those leeeeeeetle teeeeeeeeeny white hairs...Ron's got a ton of 'em! I've got him trained now. He assumes the position (sitting still) while I gently rub my upper lip on the tip of his nose. Gotta get my fix! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh...

2. As I mentioned in yesterday's list, I like critters...ALL of them. As I've also mentioned before, I really like snails and rollie pollies. Still, to this day. If I see a snail on the sidewalk, I have to move it to safety. If a weird bug lands near me, I gotta check it out. Even dead things...gotta poke at it with a stick. Gross, I know.

3. My favorite word is "poop". It seems to some that I have a certain "fecal fixation". However, I just like potty talk and the word "poop". It's such a cute word! I don't mind talking about gross things and get a kick out of it. I also have many nicknames for my pets, especially Stanley, that center around poop..."Poopie Hole", "Turd Brain", "Anus Head" and my favorite, "Little AAAaasshoooole".

4. I speak my own strange language. I love to make up words... "Fiffle", "Pipplie-popple", "Bloob" and "Foof" are some of my favorites. When I'm in one of my wierd moods, I'll say things like, "Who's gotta whipple in muh wheee wheeee whiiizzz?!" or "Putcher tytes onna gha-laaassss!" Often times I speak wierdo to my pets, "Howsa muh lil' anus heayed?" "Muh cyuute lil' teeeny tiiiiinies!" "C'mere muh buzzard beerdie beerd beeeerrrd!"

5. I've had a missing eye tooth since I lost the baby tooth. It just never came in. I wore a fake tooth while I had braces, and now I have a fake tooth on a retainer. I was supposed to get an implant years ago, but the retainer has been working out just fine. I always take it out at night. Sometimes I forget to wear it! But no one really notices 'cause it's on the side. My favorite thing to do to new people I meet is say, "Wanna see a trick? Lookit this tooth..." And then pop it out. The looks I get are priceless. I scared the shit outta Ron on our second date! Hehehehe!

6. I have the uncanny ability to bark like a dog and sound just like one. I'm pretty good. I used to love to just bark and get all the dogs in the neighborhood going! Though I'm not as good as some...I saw this one chick on Animal Planet that blew my mind! I love to bark back at dogs when they come snarling, barking and growling up to the gate as I'm walking or jogging by...especially if there are bushes and I don't expect them and they scare the shit outta me. I just gotta get the last bark! And it's great to continue along and see someone staring at me. Hehehe!

Okay, that's it. I'll leave you with a flashback. Later!

Taken from SFG and Fuzzball

First off, if you haven't already seen this on Fuzzball's page, CHECK IT OUT NOW! Fucking HILARIOUS! Robot Chicken totally rocks...

I've been meaning to do this little thing that I saw first on Southern Fried Girl's page and then on Fuzzballs's page, so I thought I'd give it a go. I agree with many of the things Fuzzball said and have added my remarks in parenthesis to those particular things. So here 'tizz:

I am...scared about the future. (DAMN right I'm scared about the future! That's the main thing that feeds my general anxiety)

I said...I love you and have a wonderful day to Ron this morning before I left. I say that every morning and will do so forever.

I want...to find a job that makes me happy. (This is something I really want, too, although I do LIKE my current job. It's not too stressful and that helps a lot. But I have this nagging feeling that there is so much more out there for me)

I wish...that people, as a whole, weren't so goddamned selfish, destructive and just plain STUPID.

I hate...that people hate so damn much. (I agree, and this hate is fueled by so much IGNORANCE...see above)

I miss...my cousin Danny, my uncle Alan and my uncle Bob. Awesome people who passed away from this earth WAY too soon.

I fear...too many fucking things.

I hear...robins singing outside, above the low hum of my computer. This really is a nice place to work.

I wonder...if all this stress I put on myself will kill me.

I regret...not starting this blogging shit sooner, it's a lot of fun!

I am not...good at accepting compliments. Loooooow self esteem, right here. (Yup, same here. If I could only believe in myself and my abilities)

I dance...on tables, speakers, anything...when I get drunk enough.

I sing...in the car A LOT. I love singing along with my favorite music, but not in front of anyone, of course!

I cry...every other fuckin' day. I'm a big, emotional baby.

I'm not always...happy. And I suck at faking it. When I'm down, everyone around me is down. Gotta learn to fake it more 'cause it sucks to be a downer.

I made...a great dinner for Ron last week. I really enjoy cooking when I'm in the mood and he loves it. I can't wait unitl we have a compatible schedule so I can do this more often. Heart of Man = Stomach of Man. I'm not stupid.

I write...and doodle all over my desk blotter at work. It's time to change the month now. It's still on January of 2006 and it's FULL of my workday musings.

I confuse...a lot of people with my outlandish behavior. It's fun!

I need...to do a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. (Agreed...I'm too much of a procrastinator)

I should...quit working on this and do my...uh...work? Yea, that's what a job is right? And there are many other things that I should do but just plain don't wanna...yet.

I start...feeling sick to my stomach when I'm really anxious.

I finish...Ron's sentences sometimes. This is a great thing!

I believe in...Not much right now. I need to change my negative perspective.

I know...that I'm an underachiever. (Yes, and I DO know why...I'm lazy)

I can...have whatever I want, if I could only get over some of the things listed above...

I can't...seem to get over some of the things listed above...

I see...the good in people. Then I get screwed over by most of them. Then I give them a second chance. Then I get screwed again. *sigh* (Yep, same here. That's why I have very few true friends)

I blog...too much at work.

I read...all the time, news, blogs, emails, books...love it.

I am aroused by...an open mind.

It pisses me off...that we are fucking up the earth so much day in and day out.

I find...gas prices to be completely and utterly rediculous. I never thought I'd see such a thing.

I like...making people laugh. I'm quite good at being a silly dork, it's lots of fun...I never want to stop.

I love...animals. All of them, even the icky ones. (YES. And I have to add, Ron of course...and Nature. Someday I hope to live in or close to Nature with Ron and lots of animals. Yes...that would be lovely)

Yea, that's better...

Oh yea, and I'm going to start using a slightly bigger font so the pretty italics are a little easier on the eyes. That better? I like it...

Where to start?!

I guess starting from the beginning would make sense, huh. First off, thanks toBunny, Deodand and especially Zoot for your advice. I know, I reeeeeeeeeeeeally need to stop whining and just WRITE. That's all that matters. I can't let the results of a silly poll keep bothering me. I don't know HOW many nice people have told me...I know it's getting old. Okay...'nuff said on that subject.

My birthday weekend was, for lack of a better phrase, ABSOLUTELY FFFFFFAABULOUS!!! Once again I got calls, emails and cards from everyone I care about. It made me feel so wuvved! *EEEEE*

Then Ron had to go and totally outdo himself AGAIN. Okay, he was supposed to have taken half the day off to take me to dinner, right? I thought he would be home around 5:30 or so and we'd head out to sushi or something. Well, I got home and he wasn't there yet...or so I thought. Then I spy (wit myyy lil' eye)a little note tucked at the edge of the doormat that says, "Follow me". Hmmm...'kayyy... I open the front door to see another note strategically placed at the edge of the coffee table that says, "Go to the Bedroom". On the bed I find a beautiful birthday card and another note, "Look at the dresser". I look up to behold a new bouquet of bright pink roses that have replaced the dead ones (I HATE throwing away flowers) from three weeks ago. Next to the roses is another note that reads, "A sweet birthday to your left". I look out the other bedroom door and HOLY SHIT...there's a scrumptious chocolate cheesecake on the floor in front of the bathroom. By this time I'm thinking, "What the hell? How did he do all this before he left? Why hasn't Stan misplaced all these notes and at least tried to get into the cheesecake?" It had a plastic cover, but still, when it comes to food my piggy kitty knows no boundaries! Well on the cheesecake is yet another note that says, "Your birthday surprise is in the bathroom". Okay...

So this whole time I've been reading the notes and my birthday card and smelling the roses I'm totally gushing and squealing with excitement. I'm saying out loud, "OH my God! I can't believe he did this! How sweet! Oooh...ooooh eeee ieyeyeeyeee!", and so on and so forth. I open the bathroom door and there is Ron, sitting on the tub holding a rose. "SURPRISE!", he yells, "I took the whole day off for your birthday!" I then dissolve into a giddy puddle of gushing goo, "OH HONEY! OH TTTTthaaaank YOU! OH OH OH!" I was so surprised to see him sitting there I almost pissed my pants. No joke, I really had to go! Then he directs me to the back patio room, where my gift sat on the seat of his favorite beach cruiser. A new set of car sterio speakers to replace the 'ol crackly ones I'd gotten with the car EIGHT years ago. Again, I explode with delight. I felt like a little girl again. I thanked him profusely, I couldn't stop hugging and kissing him. His thoughtfulness just floors me.

We were gonna go out to dinner, but after all the excitement I was exhausted. We went to dinner on Sunday instead. Ron went ahead and installed my new speakers so that I could marvel at how excellent my car sterio actually sounds. He had gotten me the new Tool album as well, it's the fucking shit, lemme tell ya. It gave me goose bumps as I listened to it on my spankin' new speakers.

I had wanted to have Melanie, her new boyfriend Yvonne (great guy, by the way, it's going very well with them!) and Tyra over that evening to celebrate. And CELEBRATE we did! 'Til 5:30 a.m.! Saturday I slept all day to get refreshed for the Ministry show that Ron had gotten us tickets for a few weeks ago as part of another birthday present. This one I knew about. We were both dying to go to another concert and this one KICKED ASS! I absolutely adore music. I couldn't live without it. I have an appreciation for everything from the blues to barking heavy metal. This show was amazing, complete with flashing lights, a churning mosh pit, juggling drumsticks, mashing guitars, freaks everywhere and a ringing in my ears that lasted 5 hours after we got home! The Revolting Cocks opened and yep, I got a t-shirt. The "Masterbatour" on the back and "Ministry" with "The Revolting Cocks" on the front, surrounding a nice picture of Bush with devil's horns sitting on a missile. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Sunday was spent relaxing and recovering from the previous two eventful evenings. I read all day and actually finished a whole book! I LOVE reading and hadn't had a great book to get completely engulfed in for a very long time. I'd borrowed "Deliverance", and read that bitch from cover to cover. Great book. I'm behind the times, I know. I still haven't even seen the movie! Then Ron and I had a scrumptious shrimp dinner to cap the evening off.

That was my birthday weekend and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I am still tired! I can't wait to go home and go straight to bed. We didn't hit it 'til about 2:30 a.m. I'm bebushelled today. That's it for now... Later!

Some advice, please...thanks :)

I'm still having a great birthday, but something's bothering me. I checked out my progress on Warcrygirl's page and got a little stab in my chest. No one's voted for me. Not ONE person. I don't get it. That kinda hurts. I keep thinking, oh well, it's just a stupid blog, who cares. I'm being lame again. Eesh...

I need some input from some people. How can I get more regular readers? Is there anything I can spruce up? I'm trying to be myself, but that's boring people I guess. I'd appreciate some input from anyone. And please, ask others to read if you'd be so kind. I need some free advertising!

Yea.

M'kay, thanks...I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day!

It's a GREAT day...and something SO CUTE

So far my birthday has been great! Lots of emails and lots of phone calls. Before I know it, the workday will be over and I'll be partyin' it up tonight. I'm gonna have a little shindig at my place after Ron and I go to dinner. Should be lots 'o fuuun! I'm just gonna celebrate the fact that I made it to 29. I haven't done too bad for myself at all! YAY!

Okay, you gotta check this little guy out. If he isn't the CUTEST DAMN thing, I don't know what is. Just like animals, the little ones just melt my heart. Then they grow up...hehe.

That's about it for now. I'm going to get to work on something so that this day will go faster and I can go home and start the PaRtY!!!! WOO WOO! Oh yea, and here's a link back to last years birthday just for the helluvit.



Later!

Make the right choice

Oh yes, and once again I am part of a Warcrygirl button poll. The poll is on her side panel. You gotta scroll doooowwwnnn... Vote for me if you wanna make the right choice. Haha, right. What a pathetic campaign I run... It doesn't matter (yes it does) who wins (yes it does) because I know I'm cool (no I don't) and that's ALL that matters (no it's not). Little "feel sorry for me" guilt tactics right there. Ya see? Ah, but who am I kidding. THAT never works (yes it does). Okay, enough already. I'm out. (For now).

Birthday thoughts

It's the day before my 29th birthday. I can't believe it's been another year already.
My twenties are coming to a close. I am an adult, as I have been for the past ten years. Although, I still don't feel completely adult. And I never want to. It's important to me that I hold on to the child inside for always. Don't let that innocence go, don't let the world take it away.

Happy Birthday to me. This year is going to be another great year, just like the last one.

Pork chops

I just HAD to share this email I got. This momma tiger was depressed 'cause her cubs died shortly after birth. Awwww... So the zoo tried to find some abandoned cubs she could foster. They were unable to find tiger cubs so they got creative! HAHA!



She's a happy camper now! GAWD I love animals...

How it turned out...

Oh yea, and this is how the artichoke fest turned out last year. The fest is this coming weekend again and I don't think Melanie and I will be able to even try to go this time. I'm going to request an artichoke bake party for my birthday, that should work out just fine!

Another day, another dollar

Is it Wednesday already? I'm still amazed at how time flies now that I'm getting older. I can't believe my birthday is in two days. I am going to be 29, entering the very last year of my twenties. It's true, it's all downhill after 25. Man...26, 27 and 28 just flew the hell on by. But that's okay. I don't mind at all. I'm looking forward to my thirties. That's the time when I work on becoming a responsible adult. Work on it. Yea.

I'm excited because Ron is only going work a half day on Friday, so he'll be home when I get home at five...wooooooweeeeee!!! He's gonna take me out for muh bertdee. Then on Saturday night we're going to a Ministry concert. Oh yes, and none other than the Revolting Cocks are opening. Gotta get a t-shirt! I'm so looking forward to rockin' out! We've been seeing quite a bit of live music the past few weeks. Two weeks ago we went to see Lisa's girlfriend, Paulette, play with her band at a little dumpy bar. I'd forgotten how talented she is. It was a great little show. She'll be playing a bigger, better place next month and we are THERE. Last week we went to see Melanie's brother's friend and his band, I think they were called Grand Daddy Purple or something like that. Another good time with good music. It's fun to visit Hollywood on occasion and watch all the drunken freaks come out and do their thing. But then it's even better to get the fuck outta that shithole.

So that's it for now...I need to get some work done. Tonight I'm going to go to my brothers area to jog those hills again. I'm in need of a good workout. This time I won't get lost!

Ah, and before I go, here's a great email I got the other day...

Later!

A pick me up...

I'm feeling a little down this morning, as I usually do on Mondays. I know, shit, what the hell else is new? Then I read a blog entry that made me think. The author asked that we list a few things in our lives that we coud never grow tired of. As a person who often struggles with depression and sadness, it always helps to think of the little blessings in life.

I could never grow tired of my friends and family. I am very blessed to have a couple of wonderful, close friends and a very close family. There are times when I feel very lonely, but I don't think I can even begin to understand the true meaning of lonliness. My friends and family have always been there for me.

I could never grow tired of art. I love the world of art...music, literature, visual arts...the world would be such a dull place without artistic influence. I am very thankful for my artistic ability. It doesn't matter if I use it to make money or if I just do it for me. I enjoy having such an outlet.

I could never grow tired of my pets and animals and nature in general. These things help me to relax. There is nothing like the unconditional love you receive from a pet. There is also nothing like walking through nature, listening to bird song, smelling the plants, feeling the breeze...it does wonders for the soul. I also love thunderstorms and rain, natures way of cleaning house. It's always fun to watch a good thunderstorm.

I could never grow tired of laughing. I love to be silly and laugh. I love making people say, "What the hell? You are nuts!" It's so much fun to just let go. I never want to lose my inner child. It's important to be able to let go and be silly. It helps balance things out in this stressful world we live in.

I could never grow tired of loving. I am very lucky to have a partner who also really appreciates the above listed things. He's taught me to appreciate them even more. As I've said before, I know that relationships are hard work and I am up for the challenge. I can't wait to build a life with this person. I am very fortunate to have found him.

Okay, it's time to get to work. I've been thinking and worrying too much again. Once again, I have to remember the little things.

Good 'ol Chat rooms...

I haven't been in a chat room in probably about 5 years. I decided to visit the Myspace forums. Wow, they certainly haven't changed at all! This shit is fucking hilarious...don't you think? Quite entertaining, for a little while at least. Then it gets a bit depressing to see how much the English language gets slaughtered. Here's a little snippet from one of the rooms:

Karima: yall bore me 2 death

elizabeth: what ever

Biracial Butterfly: O TRE I STILL WANT 2 FEED UKRAZIE

DEE: IIIIIGHTTRE: IF U THINK IM HOT HIT 11

BRENDAN: how u people doin

Joseph: riley your not on my friend thing

johny: WHO LIVE S IN SD PRWSS 1

Elizabeth: dose any one wanna chat wit me

Remi: then take yo ass somewhere else

{LEA}: o if u add me then yea

Karima: 11

slm: i willD.

West: AY WELL IM BOUT TO GET SOME CUTTY SO IM OUT Y'ALL

Karima: fuck u remi

Sarah: hey everyone

slm: u have aim

jason: anybody wanna chat im new in this i dont know what im doin some one wanna help with some things

TRE: 1 PERSON THINKS IM HOTTRE: LOL

TRE: DAMN

Karima: i have aim

{LEA}: no sorry

Remi: u cant

Biracial Butterfly: ME 2 JASON

slm: so what are uup tooI want to feel, what love is?

A wonderful wonderful waste of time, isn't it? FASCINATING.

They're all over the place

There are too many of these families in this world. Wouldn't you agree?

Stormy

Wow, this is a REAL picture. If it weren't for the lighting, this monster wouldn't even be able to be seen as it hurtles its way toward distruction. I couldn't imagine how scary these things must be. "Quick!!! Ruth Ann, Bobbi Joe, Mary Jane, Rootie Tootie, Bennie Hahna, Willie Nillie, Angel Dust, Joe Dirt...get into the cellar!!! NOOOoooowww!!!!!!!!"

Yea.

This picture is kinda how I feel inside this week. I was in such a great mood last week and over the weekend. Then CRASH BOOM BAM, sad I am. Hehe. Little rhyme there. So I'm just feeling low. I'm letting my insignificant worries take over again and I'm physically exhausted. And maybe I had a little TOO much fun over the weekend, I don't know. I miss Ron a lot. Damn, I'm too co-dependent! I just hate coming home to an empty house every day during the week. *sigh* *HEAVY SIGH*

Well it humpy hump day already so I think I can, I think I can, I think I CAN make it! Though I wasn't sure yesterday after work... I had a complete and total ballistic panic attack because our security gate that leads into the back lot of the building (where there's all sorts of stuff, including merchandise and a PORSCHE) wouldn't go down. I noticed it was up as I was packing my car to leave. This made me very nervous because my boss is in Poland, it was after five and it's impossible to get ahold of the gate service guy, even during business hours. I remembered that we'd had this same problem six months ago and it turned out to be a button that was stuck on one of the remotes. I'm the only one with a remote, as my boss' was probably at his house. So I got mine out of my cars glovebox and started fooling with the button. Nothing. Panic. So I got the ladder from inside and pulled the release chain that's attached to the motor. It would come down and then go right back up. After doing this several times I felt the panic start to surge through me. Tired. Depressed. Want to go home. No one to help me. Don't know what to do. Don't know what to do. Can't think clearly. I try to repeat my mantra...calm down, don't cray, calm down, panicking isn't going to do anything CALM DOWN STUPID! Deep breath. Then I remember...the reset button! There's gotta be one! Got back up on the ladder and THERE IT WAS! Pressed it, nothing happens. Pressed again...nothing. PANIC. CRY. PANIC. STOP. Breathe... Press another button right next to it. Gate comes down...*wheewwwwww*

I was so relieved it felt like my brain was melting and pouring out of my ears. That's what it feels like, to me, when a panic attack is over. Light headed. Beating in my brain. I tested my remote a few times and the gate worked fine. So I left. I felt horrible on the drive home. Pathetic for not being able to control myself in a situation. No one saw though, I was all alone. I guess it's another lesson in what panicking helps...absolutely NOTHING. My poor body. The stress coursing through it isn't good for me, I'm sure. I got home, sat down and tried to concentrate on relaxing. But I had tons of laundry to do. I went to it and when I was finally done I laid down on the couch, watched t.v. and promptly fell asleep.

Today I feel a bit better. I'm going to exercise after work again. I haven't since last week. I've just been too tired this week. But it should make me feel much better afterwards. Then I'm going to go home and take a nice, hot shower and make myself a yummy dinner. There's something to look forward to. I guess. M'kay...that's it for now.

I FINISHED something!

Inspired, I pulled out the sketchbook and colored in one of my drawings from a few months ago. Don't ask me what it is. I don't know what to call it yet. It's an idea I got when I went to an art museum last year.



It's a tad on the blurry side, but I'm low tech over here. And I still don't know how to use my digicam. I'm sure there's a way to get the fucker to focus better, I'm just too lazy to read the extensive handbook. The damn thing is two inches thick!

Oh yea, and take a look at my side bar...I put links to all my art posts. Isn't that lovely?

One more thing...

I can't believe I've been at my job for THREE years on the 11th of this month! This year I'm not gonna ask for a raise. I need to earn the next one by just doing a good job. This brought back some memories. I wonder if Melanie and I will ACTUALLY make it to the 'choke fest this year. Something tells me we might not 'cause *singsong* sheeee's got a new boooyyyfrieeeend! Anyway, 'nuff said for now.

Self portraits and more!

My mom's parents holding me about two months after I was born...



This picture was up in the hallway in one of my moms collages for at least 15 years. It's significant to me because I never met my grandma Gertrude. She passed away about a month after this was taken. She was only 62. She died of a hemorrage at the base of her brain. *sigh*

Since I'm such a dork, I've named two consecutive Angelfish Gertrude. The first Gertrude was about three when I had to give her, along with all the other fish in my tank, to the fish store for credit. This was right after I moved out of the ex's place and into Melanie's for a few months. The cat and birds were enough for her to take in. Once moved and settled, I set up the tank and used my store credit to get another Gerdie...



Gerdie number two...isn't she lovely? She's about two years old.


Anyway, I believe I inherited my most of my problem with anxiety and depression from grandma Gerdie. My mom grew up in a predominately happy household, however my grandma didn't like taking her meds and that created some particularly difficult times. My mom and her sisters (2) turned out pretty normal due to the fact that my grandpa has a very strong personality. He was a professional boxer for a time and then became a police detective. He's still going strong today, at 95. Well, his body is strong but the dementia is setting in...much to his childrens dismay. He's made things very difficult because he insists on living on his own still. And it really doesn't help that he lives in timbuck-too. Very far from the family. Maybe THIS year they'll get him into a home. ANYway...my grandma, Gerdie. I'm sorry I never met her. My brothers say she was awesome. My grandpa remarried not too long after Gerdie passed...a bitch from hell...but that's another very long and sordid story... At least she's not around anymore, but she lived 'til the ripe age of 92! Ugh...

On to more self portraits! I was fooling around with the camera last Friday and got some fun self portraits...



SASS-AY!!!!



Are you fucking SERIOUS?



What the fuck EV-ERRRrrr



Nice to meet you!



This was obviously taken at a totally different time. I could wear my hair in a ponytail. I can't wait to be able to do that again. I should never have cut my hair above my shoulders...it sucks! When I'm having a bad hair day, it's so great to be able to put it up. AND when I'm jogging. I get slapped with it now. I think it's almost long enough again...I should give it a shot, actually. Yea. Tomorrow. It looks nice now 'cause I just washed it.

'Kay, off to nigh-night!

Pewie

I'm bizzy bizzy bizzy here at work and suddenly the wonderful smell of popcorn enters my nostrils. Then, just as suddenly, the pleasant smell turns bad. Awful bad. Burnt popcorn stench now permeates the office. Thanks, shipping lady. I needed that.

FrAh-GeE Ot

For some reason, I seemed to be simply FACsinated by frogs during my brief (*uhhmm* 3 year) stint at Jooonier college. Here it is in yet another medium...acrilic paints.



I tore this picture from a National Geographic magazine article on poison dart frogs. The assignment was to paint a realistic picture, whether it be from a magazine, book or from your own personal collection. I was flippin' for ideas and BOOM. Done. I don't remember what it's like to feel that way about painting. It was so easy. Not a chore. I miss it. I know, all I have to do is pull out a brush. Just pull. And the rest will flow. Right?

Hhmmmm-bleeehhhh

I was too sick to go to work today, but NOT too sick to add an entry! Ah, but I feel much better now. I don't know if the shrimp we had on yesterday was bad or what...I kept waking up with searing stomach pain all night. And the GAS...um...I guess I'll spare you the gas... So I stayed home today and drank lotsa tea. Now I finally feel better. It's weird though, because the shrimp was delicious. Cooked with plain 'ol garlic and butter on a bed of rice and veggies. It went down smooth enough. I dunno, my stomach is moody sometimes. But a day of tea, bedrest and farting is enough to make me feel fine.

The rest of the weekend was nice, we got a lot done. Got a new couch from Lisa, rearranged the livingroom again, cleaned up the backyard some... 'Twas lovely. I guess that's it for now. I 'tink I'll have anudder cup 'o tea. Buh-bye fer now!