As usual, I have forgiven Melanie, even though she didn't even know I was mad. Heh... Well, she invited me over for artichokes so I think she might have had an idea. But the reason for her odd behavior last week is indeed rooted in the turmoil she is experiencing lately. All the things she had started to build are crumbling down around her. First off, she lost her well-paying job last month and is now home and unemployed. Second, she has finally decided once and for all (I hope, I reeeally reeeally hope) to leave that pile of weird she's been dating and living with for the past 3 + years. He refuses to move to the next level and get married and have a family, which is what Melanie has always pictured herself doing. He also refuses to try to compromise and barely even talks to her. Every time she tries to bring it up it's, "Not now, this is not the right time." But she doesn't want to have to force him so she's given up. They're not in love anymore and just tolerate each other. Poor thing... Now she has the complicated task of finding a new place to live and moving out of a house that she'd been settling in.
The reason she'd said she was tired and just left that evening is because she hadn't slept in two days. She apologized for being such an airhead as to think she could actually exercise in that condition. I can't hold a grudge because I feel terrible for her. That pussy she lives with has done nothing but dissapoint her and now she has to start all over again. The good news is that she received plenty of severence pay from work and has enough to do some fun things for herself for a while. She's leaving next week for France to stay with her cousin for a month. She might even stay there for 6 months if her cousin doesn't decide to move to Cali, then they might get a place together. So she's got a bit of a plan in the works, which is great. I wish her luck and will help her during this very difficult time. She may be somewhat flakey, but she's really helped me in the past.
Who knows? She'll probably meet someone else, have a whirlwind romance and be pregnant by next year! Ugh... That'd be the first of my close friends to do such a thing, but if it's what she wants I have no choice but to be supportive. Besides, it'll be cool to be the weird/fun "auntie" to my good friend's kids. I think...
The whole thing makes me all the more glad I'm not chasing the same old life that everyone else seems to be. I found out last night that Melanie really does want the baby on her hip, dinner in the oven, laundry all over the house life. I just sat there and told her how much of the opposite I am. Then I sympathized with her because I feel very badly for her. I want her to be happy and I hope she finds it soon.
Enough about Melanie... How am I doing? Just fine, actually! I'm continuing to not overthink things. I'm also recognizing the triggers that start Ron and I fighting and at least half was me. Bitchy, angry 'ol me. I discovered that I've been so angry past months that it's ruining me. I've also discovered, once again, that meds work wonders when you remember to take them every day!
Alright, it's time to finish up and get outta here for my jog. Bye bye...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Not even a phone call
Okay, I really love my friend Melanie. Most of the time I understand what motivates her to do the things she does, just as she usually understands my motives. The events of the past couple of days, however, have hurt my feelings. I totally understand that she can be flakey, as can I, especially when we're going through the depressies. But shit, when we make tentative plans and she's gonna flake, she doesn't even bother to call.
Since Melanie is out of work at the moment and doesn't get home as late as she used to, we've been trying to get together for bike rides more often. On Wednesday we agreed to meet at my house at 5:30. It's a given that Melanie is always at least 15 - 30 minutes late so I didn't expect her there until sixish. I get home around 5:40 and call her again (I'd left a message on her home phone when I left work, her cell was off) and she tells me she's getting ready to leave. Okay, so it'll be about 20 or 30 more minutes...mind you, she's only 10 - 15 minutes away. I get my workout clothes on, do a few stretches and then sit in front of the t.v. to wait. For some reason I was watching that Tyler Somebody or Other meets the Browns. Ugh! What a fucking LAMEASS, horribly written, unbelieveably predictable poor excuse for a sitcom! But I sometimes like to watch this shit, just to piss myself off. And I wonder why I have issues... So 6:30 comes and goes, I'm thinking the usual, "Where the hell IS she??" and I try her cell to see if she's on the way. It's still off. No one answers the home phone so she must be on the way. By 6:50 I've had it. I want to get my exercising overwith. I hate working out late because it fucks my whole evening up. So I decide to grab the bike and do a few circles around the block while waiting because she's obviously on her way.
After one trip around the block I come around the corner to see her getting out of her truck. By this time it's probably a bit after 7. An HOUR AND A HALF past the time we'd originally agreed to meet. I say in a partially irritated, partially joking manner as I'm riding up, "I was beginning to think you rode your bike here. What happened?! I mean, an HOUR AND A HALF?!" She replies that she simply, "took her sweet-ass time", which is her M.O. but still, I ask (while smiling to lighten it up), "Not even a PHONE CALL?", to which she answers, "Oh well, you can go then, I'm just gonna go home. I ask why, what's wrong and say I don't understand why she wants to go after loading her bike up and driving all the way over. She says it's no problem, she's just tired and doesn't feel like going after all. Ooookay... We agreed to try again the next day (yesterday) and she asked me to give her a call again when I'm on my way home. Then I take off and get my damn exercise done. Alone. In the dark. Yay.
I call her after work yesterday and it's the same thing... Voicemail. Her phone is off. I leave a message on her home phone asking if she's still up for a ride, telling her it's okay if she's not, just gimme a call on my cell. There's no return call in the next 20 minutes as I head over to the fish store to get some tank stuff. While I'm at the fish store I decide to get another rock to add to my structure. I figure I may as well work on the tank because she's most likely going to flake. I get home by 6:20 and still no phone call to say that she won't make it. She just completely brushed me off. Isn't that nice?
After pissing and moaning about this to Ron and the walls, I realize that it's my good old passive aggressive nature that's made me the doormat again. Melanie knows she can brush me off and I won't do a thing. Why should I though? It's really not worth it to me... Well, it wasn't... Now I'm getting tired of it. She never returns phone calls and flakes on plans a whole helluva lot. But I'm not in much of a position to harp on her because I've been flakey, too. At least I CALL though. Ugh... Whatever. It's been two days of being pissy over this. It doesn't feel good to be brushed off. Good old Julie, she'll always be there if I don't have anything better to do. *HMPH* Fuck that. I'm gonna do it again, just not call her or give a shit. She'll come around when she does. It's really not a big deal I guess.
Since Melanie is out of work at the moment and doesn't get home as late as she used to, we've been trying to get together for bike rides more often. On Wednesday we agreed to meet at my house at 5:30. It's a given that Melanie is always at least 15 - 30 minutes late so I didn't expect her there until sixish. I get home around 5:40 and call her again (I'd left a message on her home phone when I left work, her cell was off) and she tells me she's getting ready to leave. Okay, so it'll be about 20 or 30 more minutes...mind you, she's only 10 - 15 minutes away. I get my workout clothes on, do a few stretches and then sit in front of the t.v. to wait. For some reason I was watching that Tyler Somebody or Other meets the Browns. Ugh! What a fucking LAMEASS, horribly written, unbelieveably predictable poor excuse for a sitcom! But I sometimes like to watch this shit, just to piss myself off. And I wonder why I have issues... So 6:30 comes and goes, I'm thinking the usual, "Where the hell IS she??" and I try her cell to see if she's on the way. It's still off. No one answers the home phone so she must be on the way. By 6:50 I've had it. I want to get my exercising overwith. I hate working out late because it fucks my whole evening up. So I decide to grab the bike and do a few circles around the block while waiting because she's obviously on her way.
After one trip around the block I come around the corner to see her getting out of her truck. By this time it's probably a bit after 7. An HOUR AND A HALF past the time we'd originally agreed to meet. I say in a partially irritated, partially joking manner as I'm riding up, "I was beginning to think you rode your bike here. What happened?! I mean, an HOUR AND A HALF?!" She replies that she simply, "took her sweet-ass time", which is her M.O. but still, I ask (while smiling to lighten it up), "Not even a PHONE CALL?", to which she answers, "Oh well, you can go then, I'm just gonna go home. I ask why, what's wrong and say I don't understand why she wants to go after loading her bike up and driving all the way over. She says it's no problem, she's just tired and doesn't feel like going after all. Ooookay... We agreed to try again the next day (yesterday) and she asked me to give her a call again when I'm on my way home. Then I take off and get my damn exercise done. Alone. In the dark. Yay.
I call her after work yesterday and it's the same thing... Voicemail. Her phone is off. I leave a message on her home phone asking if she's still up for a ride, telling her it's okay if she's not, just gimme a call on my cell. There's no return call in the next 20 minutes as I head over to the fish store to get some tank stuff. While I'm at the fish store I decide to get another rock to add to my structure. I figure I may as well work on the tank because she's most likely going to flake. I get home by 6:20 and still no phone call to say that she won't make it. She just completely brushed me off. Isn't that nice?
After pissing and moaning about this to Ron and the walls, I realize that it's my good old passive aggressive nature that's made me the doormat again. Melanie knows she can brush me off and I won't do a thing. Why should I though? It's really not worth it to me... Well, it wasn't... Now I'm getting tired of it. She never returns phone calls and flakes on plans a whole helluva lot. But I'm not in much of a position to harp on her because I've been flakey, too. At least I CALL though. Ugh... Whatever. It's been two days of being pissy over this. It doesn't feel good to be brushed off. Good old Julie, she'll always be there if I don't have anything better to do. *HMPH* Fuck that. I'm gonna do it again, just not call her or give a shit. She'll come around when she does. It's really not a big deal I guess.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wouldn't it be HEALTHY to think this way?
The noble mind wishing to benefit others is extremely fruitful. It is the principal source of happiness, courage,and success in life. When our minds are full of suspicion and ill will, we automatically feel that others think badly of us. These negative feelings colour all our relations with our fellow human beings. More often than not they lead to unhappiness. -The Dalai Lama
A common thought, as taken from a post on Fakebook. Don't go coloring your relations with negative thoughts now! That will ruin EVERything. Too bad this has become such a habit of mine...and many others.
Wow, I'm having a horrible time concentrating today. I'm slowly going through this pile of paid invoices, stamping them and filing them little by little as I do other things... Eat a little from my bowl of soggy cereal, sip the coffee, open a new document, call about a purchase order, check work email, check personal email, back to stamping and filing, prepare payroll, check my reminders, call boss back... Oh hell, I gotta call the boss back. I've also been trying to download pictures from my cell phone but the damn computer can't see the connection. I thought it got the stupid drivers! Ugh!
Okay, enough of a stupid entry for now. Damnit, I always think of so many interesting things to write about while on the way to work in the morning but I just can't get them out. It all disappears the minute I walk through the door. Oh well, I guess I'm not destined to be a writer because content always eludes me. Now I really have to go, the phone is ringing again. Maybe I'll be back with some pics if I can ever figure this damn phone out.
Later!
A common thought, as taken from a post on Fakebook. Don't go coloring your relations with negative thoughts now! That will ruin EVERything. Too bad this has become such a habit of mine...and many others.
Wow, I'm having a horrible time concentrating today. I'm slowly going through this pile of paid invoices, stamping them and filing them little by little as I do other things... Eat a little from my bowl of soggy cereal, sip the coffee, open a new document, call about a purchase order, check work email, check personal email, back to stamping and filing, prepare payroll, check my reminders, call boss back... Oh hell, I gotta call the boss back. I've also been trying to download pictures from my cell phone but the damn computer can't see the connection. I thought it got the stupid drivers! Ugh!
Okay, enough of a stupid entry for now. Damnit, I always think of so many interesting things to write about while on the way to work in the morning but I just can't get them out. It all disappears the minute I walk through the door. Oh well, I guess I'm not destined to be a writer because content always eludes me. Now I really have to go, the phone is ringing again. Maybe I'll be back with some pics if I can ever figure this damn phone out.
Later!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Medz
I forgot to mention my appointment this morning... It went well and I'm doing the right thing by keeping up the doctor visits and updates on the medication. Everything is going to be juuuuuusstt fiiiiine. Yea.
Yesteryear...Some old MS Paint Art
My dad sent these to me the other day. He found them on our old PC. I must have done these when I was twelve or so. Seeing these again was such a fun trip down memory lane. Ahhh, to be young, carefree and creative...
I love the names I chose for these things. "Kitfat"... Heh. Mkaayyy...
"Dragon Dude". Yes indeedy...
"The doggies", another perfect title for this work.
"Kitty n' things" works well for this one, doncha think?
I hope he finds some of my writings on there as well. In my days of typing practice, I wrote some pretty damn outlandish things. I used to love writing nonsense. Here's a typical example of the insanity,
As I flew through the night on a pin of tinkle, the wind curled into my belly button fuzz making it ripe for the taking.
I swallowed the peas and drank the cube juice as smoke billowed from my nostrils.
Tell the pink toilet that she doesn't need a shitfactor to continue. She can do it all on her pubescense.
Yes. I had the most fun making my brother, friend or whoever I happened to be around during these sudden bursts of crazy, read it back to me while I sat there and giggled like a loon. Such fond memories...
Now it's off to do another day of work and get my ass back to an exercise routine. I'm ashamed to admit the amount of food I ate yesterday during our little football get together. I'll just make it all better by going for a jog today. Maybe that'll get things moving and I can take a nice, cleansing crap when I get home. Wouldn't that be lovely? Bodily functions are a blessing.
Have a nyce day!
I love the names I chose for these things. "Kitfat"... Heh. Mkaayyy...
"Dragon Dude". Yes indeedy...
"The doggies", another perfect title for this work.
"Kitty n' things" works well for this one, doncha think?
I hope he finds some of my writings on there as well. In my days of typing practice, I wrote some pretty damn outlandish things. I used to love writing nonsense. Here's a typical example of the insanity,
As I flew through the night on a pin of tinkle, the wind curled into my belly button fuzz making it ripe for the taking.
I swallowed the peas and drank the cube juice as smoke billowed from my nostrils.
Tell the pink toilet that she doesn't need a shitfactor to continue. She can do it all on her pubescense.
Yes. I had the most fun making my brother, friend or whoever I happened to be around during these sudden bursts of crazy, read it back to me while I sat there and giggled like a loon. Such fond memories...
Now it's off to do another day of work and get my ass back to an exercise routine. I'm ashamed to admit the amount of food I ate yesterday during our little football get together. I'll just make it all better by going for a jog today. Maybe that'll get things moving and I can take a nice, cleansing crap when I get home. Wouldn't that be lovely? Bodily functions are a blessing.
Have a nyce day!
Friday, September 11, 2009
BOOO!
Just another quick update for a Friday. I have just been too lazy to write! Another weekend is upon us. Is it September already?? I'm so glad it's football season again, yet I can't believe it's already here. We're hoping to go to a sports bar on Sunday to kick off the season right.
Not much else going on. I'm just living life and continuing to not overthink and let things bug me *ahem* take my meds *cough* *ahem* Yea, seems I kept forgetting to take my pills. For the past three weeks or so I've made it an absolute point to take my pill at the SAME TIME every morning. It's helping...damnit. I'm going in for an eval on Monday so I can finally see an actual psychiatrist again. I always like to keep these things in check. I don't want to lose my mind. That would be bad. Ver' ver' baaaad.
Okay, once again work beckons. Boss isn't here today so I'm slacking a bit. I can't help it!
Not much else going on. I'm just living life and continuing to not overthink and let things bug me *ahem* take my meds *cough* *ahem* Yea, seems I kept forgetting to take my pills. For the past three weeks or so I've made it an absolute point to take my pill at the SAME TIME every morning. It's helping...damnit. I'm going in for an eval on Monday so I can finally see an actual psychiatrist again. I always like to keep these things in check. I don't want to lose my mind. That would be bad. Ver' ver' baaaad.
Okay, once again work beckons. Boss isn't here today so I'm slacking a bit. I can't help it!
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Trippin's good
In case you haven't noticed, I've continued to have a hard time banging out the entries in here. I'm taking a little break...
My trip to NY to visit Marguerite was wonderful. I didn't take too many pictures, though. I'm not too good at wielding the camera for all those special "moments". But I did get some great shots of Central Park. I'll post some when I get around to it some day. I also got to hang out with Rich and Devin, which was a blast. I took the lovely subway system from Queens to Brooklyn to hang out with the guys on Monday and Tuesday while Marguerite was at work. I really enjoyed those trains, it was so different having freedom without a car. It's amazing how dependent we've become on cars here in L.A.
I find that I really needed this trip, it helped me rearrange my head a little. It helped me realize that my number one concern right now should be learning to relax about life. I've been taking things way too seriously, overthinking them into the ground and sending myself out to that vacant, black sea. It's time to reel it in and stop fishing for blame in those murky depths of despair. I'm paddling back to the clear, blue waters...
Yea.
Meanwhile, the hills near my home are burning like crazy! The weather was so nice and mild when I left last week... I hated coming home to this awful heat wave and huge wildfires everywhere, but I guess it was coming. This is naturally a fuel fire. Not enough rain, but ample time for the underbrush to get nice n' big n' D-R-Y. We've gotten away with murder in terms of the summer weather this year. It's been so nice and mild most days... Anyway, I hope the weather starts to cooperate and they're able to get those wildfires back under control before more homes are lost. I don' lyke it! It's smellies an' yuckies!
Oh yes, and little update on Mickey bird. He's all fine and good healthwise, so I've started to let them all out together. The first day I let him out, the poor guy didn't have his bearings and flew into the ceiling fan, then the window, stunning himself in the process. That's a risk I take letting them be fully flighted... I've been lucky so far. I stroked his little head and put him back in the cage to recover for a bit. I figured I'd call the vet if he wasn't better in a few minutes. He was back to playing with the others within ten minutes. *Whew* After that he learned to maneuver quickly, though. Now he's following the others in circles around the livingroom almost flawlessly.
Well, we've gotten our container of goods in from Europe this week, I'd better get back to it. We've got more back orders to pack and items to count. Joy.
Later!
My trip to NY to visit Marguerite was wonderful. I didn't take too many pictures, though. I'm not too good at wielding the camera for all those special "moments". But I did get some great shots of Central Park. I'll post some when I get around to it some day. I also got to hang out with Rich and Devin, which was a blast. I took the lovely subway system from Queens to Brooklyn to hang out with the guys on Monday and Tuesday while Marguerite was at work. I really enjoyed those trains, it was so different having freedom without a car. It's amazing how dependent we've become on cars here in L.A.
I find that I really needed this trip, it helped me rearrange my head a little. It helped me realize that my number one concern right now should be learning to relax about life. I've been taking things way too seriously, overthinking them into the ground and sending myself out to that vacant, black sea. It's time to reel it in and stop fishing for blame in those murky depths of despair. I'm paddling back to the clear, blue waters...
Yea.
Meanwhile, the hills near my home are burning like crazy! The weather was so nice and mild when I left last week... I hated coming home to this awful heat wave and huge wildfires everywhere, but I guess it was coming. This is naturally a fuel fire. Not enough rain, but ample time for the underbrush to get nice n' big n' D-R-Y. We've gotten away with murder in terms of the summer weather this year. It's been so nice and mild most days... Anyway, I hope the weather starts to cooperate and they're able to get those wildfires back under control before more homes are lost. I don' lyke it! It's smellies an' yuckies!
Oh yes, and little update on Mickey bird. He's all fine and good healthwise, so I've started to let them all out together. The first day I let him out, the poor guy didn't have his bearings and flew into the ceiling fan, then the window, stunning himself in the process. That's a risk I take letting them be fully flighted... I've been lucky so far. I stroked his little head and put him back in the cage to recover for a bit. I figured I'd call the vet if he wasn't better in a few minutes. He was back to playing with the others within ten minutes. *Whew* After that he learned to maneuver quickly, though. Now he's following the others in circles around the livingroom almost flawlessly.
Well, we've gotten our container of goods in from Europe this week, I'd better get back to it. We've got more back orders to pack and items to count. Joy.
Later!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)