Burnt OUT

You know how you need a vacation after a vacation? Yea. That's how I feel today. The SF trip was nice, but not without its pitfalls. I'm still so burnt out. I need more time at home to clean. The house is such a hairy mess it's rediculous. And I'm...just...annoyed today. I'll be back with some pictures from our trip. In the meantime, I need to go put my head in the toilet. Have a nice day.

Officially thirty-SUMthin'

Man, I sure love this time of year. Not only is it my favorite season, it's the time of wedding anniversaries and birthdays! I'm a whole 31 years old today...now officially a thirty-something. This is when time really starts to fly. I guess that means I have to get as much enjoyment out of things as I can. That also means continuing to keep the childish spirit. I can grow older and wiser, but I never want to lose the childish sillies.

The picture of me blowing out the candle is from last year. I miss my long hair, it looks so pretty in that picture. Ever since I gave myself a hair cut, it's taking forever to grow back. I didn't listen to myself, I should never have cut it shorter than ponytail length. *sigh* Oh well, if that's my only regret this year, I'm doing pretty damn great.

I'm looking forward to a few celebrations during this week. Gonna meet my makers (mommy an' daddy) tonight for dinner. And as a special treat, my darling hubby is gonna be home tonight to join us. Yay! This weekend he's taking me to San Francisco for our long overdue weekend trip. He hasn't ever been, and I haven't been there for about 8 years...not since my brother lived there. My parents and I would go up there almost every year to visit my brother, he lived there for about 10 years. It's one of the few cities I can tolerate and I can't wait to experience it with my poopie-head.

Things are continuing to thrive into this second month of the saltwater tank being established. I now have four fish and a whole lotta little critters. Woo. It's looking very nice. The last couple of fish I got are lovely, another tang and a blenny. They're cool because they actually swim out in the open. The week before I left I got a goby. I've seen that guy only once since last Thursday. Damn thing likes to burrow... I don't think I'll be getting another goby because many of them like to stay buried. I should have read up on them before I got one. I hope he's not destroying my invertebrate population in the sand, 'cause I need those little worms and tiny crustaceans. I guess we'll see. I can be confident though, that if mister goby dies, he will promptly be eaten by one or both of the penis snails, who also stay buried most of the time.

Hmmm...what else...

Oh yea! One other exciting thing...I FINALLY got my car air conditioner recharged! It only took me four summers to do it! I'm so happy, I now have air conditioning at home AND in the car! Life is sweet.

Okay, it's time to finish this day at work so I can go home and have fun! Later!

...and his answer...

My husband is fucking hilarious!  Check out his answer to my email from this morning...

"First of all, I love to read and write you moron. Stop forgetting shit. Secondly (Is that a word), I didn't call you last night cuz your messaghe went straight to voicemail cause my phone sucks and I didn't get it til late last night you fruit loop. There is always a reason, sound familiar.

Paragraph form is cool, happy to hear about the solidity of your stool. Wow I can hardly gnoochi.

Your squid analogy was awesome I laughed so hard my lol fell out. I'm gonna call you now so I can hear your backward ebonic euphamisms. See yuh insany..."

HAHAHAHAHA!!!  GAWD I miss him!!!  Fanny head...

Anyway, I just got back from my visit to downtown Chicago.  It was pretty, but I musta walked 40 miles trying to find a damn Chicago dog.  I was starving to death by the time I ate.   I spent the whole afternoon just walking around the city.  Of course I forgot a camera, but I was able to get some nice shots of buildings and lake with my cell phone.  Woo.  I'm just not a city person at all.  I couldn't give a shit.  The architecture was gorgeous and all that but...I don't know, it's just another lousy city full of assholes and filth.  I mean, downtown was gorgeous, but I walked a little past it and it was shithole.  I got solicited several times for money, charity, change...yuck!  Plus, I'm sorta broke so I really couldn't buy anything or do anything.  I was gonna stay 'til 8 p.m. but got bored and left an hour earlier.

Now my feet are killing me.  I should have brought tennis shoes.  I've got these major calluses that I really need to shave off when I get home...  They hurt like hell right now!  EW!  And even my hip joints hurt.  Fuck.  I'm just gonna stay in my room and order room service.  I don't wanna see another human being until tomorrow.  I'm SO homesick.  I wanna go hoooommmeee!  Not only do I miss my hubby, I miss my stupid pets!  I'm so attached to my zoo.  People just don't understand...  I love them like kids.  Man, just wait until I have an actual child...  I have a lotta love to give...

So, seeing as though I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, I'm 'onna go throw my stinking self in the shower.

CHOW for NOW.  Chow.  Ceao.  How you spell it?  Geez.  I'm Italian and I can't spell Caoe.  cao.  I can't think of it at the moment so BYE.  Or Buy.  Or Bi.  Bie bie.

Emails to your hubby from miles away

Where are your nipples?  Over there, alla way in L.A. I wanna nibble on em'. I wanna smell your fuzzy earlobes. I miss you so damn much I can't stand it. *sigh* I had 65 dreams about you last night. I was trying to find you in most of them. Why didn't you call me back last night? I don't care if you wake me, I wanna talk to you! WHAAAHHH!!!!!

Sorry I bitched in you ear yesterdee. I was pisshole. Today is Chicago day. I slept until noon. I gotta get off my ass and go to the city. It was gorgeous weather the last couple of days and now it's hideous out. I don't wanna go but I really should. I wish you were with me.

I had four screwdrivers before I went to bed last night. I was three deep by the time I went to dinner with Edna, which made things oh so much more tolerable. Then I had pee dreams all night. I was looking for a toilet in between looking for you. And then there were the random Mike Patton appearances. I still hadda pee. I'm so weird.

Oh! I'm finally doing solid poops now. Isn't that great?! No more diarreeehhh! 'Cept my farts smelled like gnocchi this morning. Have you ever eaten a whole baby squid? It's like eating cartilage and eraser, but supposedly it's a delicacy. Yea.

That is all. I miss you and I hadda write you a long ass email, even though you don't like to read or write. Oh well. You'll learn. It's fun to read bullshit.

I love you, anus wart.

Your insane wife

Ooooh, I fit in with the business people...

WOW!  I'm SO cool!  I get to sit tapping away at a laptop and look important like all the other business-type folks here.  Where is here?  Why, it's at a hotel in Chicago.  I'm typing this from my room.  Isn't that AWESOME?  Like, OH MY GAWD!  I get to use the internet, like, ANYWHERE!  Eventually I will get used to it.  It's still kinda new to me.  But man is it a luxury to have something to do in my room, other than reading or watching t.v.  'Cause I ain't leavin' my room for nuthin but eating and drinking.  I have NO desire to hang out with these people.  

So I'm here 'til Thursday.  Today we had six meetings and tomorrow we have about six or seven more.  It's going quite well so far, they really like our stuff and our outlook.  They like what we've done with the company since that loser left us last year.  It's his loss.  He used to come to these meetings with my boss, but seeing as the douchebag screwed us over, it seems he can't show his face around these parts anymore.

If you follow that big, long link up there, you can refresh your memory on what an incredibe pile of shit my old boss turned out to be.  This company had one hell of a year last year.  But we seem to have come through it unscathed...so far anyway.  They like the website and many of them are trying to shift to the web.  It's just hard to get some of the older generations to get into it, but it'll happen.  Slowly but surely, as long as we continue to watch our asses.

I entrusted hubby with the zoo...  He's doing well so far, even let the birdies out for some flight time last night.  I asked him to please let them out at least once while I was gone 'cause they'll get cabin fever if they're caged for four days straight!  I also made sure to go over everything with him so he didn't like...give the fish bird seed or something.  You never know with men...

The saltwater tank is doing just swell.  This is week 10.  I purchased my second fish, a goby, on Friday.  First thing he did when I put him in there was make a burrow in the sand.  He's so cute, he likes to gulp up mouthfuls of sand and sift it out his little gills.  He's also made himself a little home under a rock.  He was eating well before I left, so I'm hoping he'll survive until I get home.  Oh, and Fred the penis snail is still alive!  He only comes out during feeding time and spends most of the time burrowing through the sand bed.  It's great for keeping things clean and moved around, so I got another one!  Now there are two little dicks sticking out of the sand at any given time. Awwww...

Well, it's almost time for dinner so that means I need to head down to the bar and have a drink before I meet the boss.  I dunno though...do I want to risk having to talk to someone?  Oye.  I'm so not in the mood.  Oh well.  I should risk it and at least be a little social.
 

Rectal Symphonies

Oh no, I'm not through yet. Hell no! At least not until my stomach starts behaving iteself again. Though I am feeling a bit better today. Not quite so bloated. Ya wanna know why? Well, ya see, gas has this way of, well...escaping. I knew it eventually had to come out and it chose to do so at about 1:30 this morning.

Poor little Ronnie sat on the couch, completely unaware of the explosions that were about to commence in the bathroom, a mere 10 feet from where he sat. I was completely immersed in a dream when I was awakened by intense bubbling in the lower intestines. Oh those bowels, they're reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally not happy these days. It was so weird, I totally felt it happen... From the lower-mid intestinal section, bubblin' on down to the gReAt BoWeLs. Then the *ooop!* You know the *oop* feeling, the one at the "end of the line", where those wonderful little sphincter muscles come into play. Thank goodness for nature's little 'o' rings, lemme tell ya. They help you make it those last crucial inches to toilet seat safety.

So my cheeks hit the seat and we had gas off. I had forgotten the human asshole was capable of such noises. Very, very grotesque noises. It was like a flappy, gassy stream of words, echoing through the bowl. And my ass has a terrible lisp. It sprays what it says sometimes... You can imagine, I don't need to spell out the sound here...

Wasn't long before I was fully awake and giggling like a nutball over the sounds eminating from what seemed like the depths of my soul. Once again, Ron came to investigate and once again, the look on his face was priceless. Imagine how a person would react when they witness a horrific car accident. Yep, hands over the mouth and everything. I musta sat there laughing and spurting for at least 20 minutes. Oh, but what a relief. I think the pasta and meatball dinner I'd had that evening hit the spot in more ways than one. Ah, but I'm Italian and pasta is always my medicine when I'm ready to eat after a stomach episode.

And that concludes yet another poopie entry by the lovely Seacreature, better known as Juliepoo. Have a great poop!

When you're runnin' for home and ya feel somethin' foam...

Owie. I am on the period from hell. I don't think I've had cramps this bad...ever. I was headed for a fun weekend, but we only got to do about half of what we wanted to 'cause I was sick. It started last Wednesday afternoon...I was just feeling a bit queasy and "off". My lower intestines felt like a brick had settled in and wasn't gonna leave. By Friday I felt really crappy, but had to go to work 'cause the boss was still outta town. I worked all day feeling achy and bloated. I went home a little early 'cause I was pulsating hot and bloated. Took my temp and I had a slight fever so I stayed in bed 'til Saturday morning. Well, tried to stay in bed when I wasn't up trying to poop. It's the most aweful feeling when you feel like you're gonna spackle the bowl but only a little diarreah dribbles out. Yea, I tol' ya this was gross. I woke up Saturday feeling a bit better, but still diarreah-y.

So here's the really gross part...which will probably guarantee no one reads this blog ever again...but uh... You know when ya have diarreah and ya really shouldn't fart? Well... I thought I was done. I was standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing my teeth after the poop and a shower. Felt a little gasser comin' on. Bent slightly to let 'er pass. Well, she sure did...all over the cabinets and floor. Yea. Never seen the hubby run so fast in my life. And it's so fun to clean up. Especially with two cats so anxious to check it out. I'm really surprised I didn't puke... It was awful. I must have sprayed more bleach and chemicals all over the sink, the cabinets, the floor...then I used half a roll of paper towels gettin' the shit up. Ugh... I'm not sure which was worse, the time I sat on the toilet and puked all over the floor in front of me (I was holding out my hand to "catch" it at first but it just kept going and going) or this. I dunno...shit or puke? Hmmm...

We only really managed to go see a movie on Saturday. Went to see the 1R0n MaN. It was good, first good movie I've seen in the theater in a long time. By the way, I hate the theater even more than I did before. We got it all, cell phones ringing, babies crying, freezing our asses off toward the middle of the movie and mister ants in his pants kicking my chair. Ah yes. And the comments. OH the comments. *sigh* All that PLUS ten thousand commercials and previews before the main feature. Yay! We pay through the nose for more advertisements! Wow! It's another fucking new car that looks like all the rest of the shiny bubbles on the road! Oh look! ANOTHER new cell phone! *SIGH*

Sunday was spent either in bed or on the couch trying to recover from whatever the fuck this is because I have a crazy busy week coming up. Boss is back tomorrow, which likely means running all over the place. Ow. I feel so bloated right now it's insane. I really need to go take something because I think I'm gonna explode again. I really want to feel better. Please go away, oh nasty stomach bug and period cramps. Please?

Okay, time to finish up here...I have to stay a little late 'cause I went home early. Peace, love and poop.