It's been a good week. Yesterday I hung around after work and played with photoshop again. Guess what? Mike Patton now has two lovebirds, look!
Hehehe... Yea. So I'm feeling like I need a change in the job situation because I'm almost at my five year mark at this company. When the asshole (ex-boss) left last January, I thought I'd stick around and see what would happen. The year flew and here I am. I think it's about time for me to move on. I have to start looking at other options because I know that I can't stay here much longer. I do not like the industry I'm in. I never have. I just put up with it because I needed to learn and get some tenure at a company. Now I've reached my goal of five years and it's time to start looking. I need more people around, a more interesting industry and more benefits. Actually, SOME benefits would be nice. I like small companies, but this place is TOO small. Most of all, I'm really ready for a CHANGE.One step at a time...I can do this.
In case you haven't noticed, I seem to be in a sort of rut lately. Granted, I just got married, I'm working on my art more, doing more at work and living in a different place than I was a year ago, but... I'm in a rut. It's time for a big change and I think it needs to happen with my career path. I guess it takes someone telling you that you're basically wasting your time, that you're being taken advantage of and not getting paid what you're worth. Not only is that humbling, it's also quite depressing. Now I feel like I've been settling, that I haven't moved on because I am afraid of it. There is so much out there that I'm not even aware of because I've been resting my laurels at this place. I am afraid that I'm not good enough, that I can't take the stress... All excuses.But I guess on the other hand, I AM happy with where I'm at. I can handle what I do on a daily basis, without extreme stress. Yes, sometimes it's boring, but not all the time. Still, my gut is telling me the free ride is over, that it's really time to move on. I've been pushing the feeling aside and it's time to really examine my options. As scary as it seems, I have to push aside my stupid, anxious fears and get a resume together. A brand-spankin' new resume...put it out there. It can't hurt to put out some feelers. I don't have to settle for less. I will be worth more, eventually. For now I can tell myself I'm doing fine. Life is not about having things, about being important. I'm doing the best that I want to do right now. It's up to me to move on.
...is liking people, not wanting people to like you.Don't Judge.Don't Expect.Do be real.
I went to the pet store last Thursday to get Rosie some crickets and happened to start a conversation with a nice woman about what we feed our cats. That lead to talking about our love of animals in general and me saying I also love to draw animals and to draw in general. Next thing ya know, the lady introduced herself and invited me to come by the book store she works at sometime. She said there are lots of friendly artists and animal lovers that hang out there and at the coffee shop in the front. The store happens to be only a few blocks from where I work, so I decided to visit it on Friday night.I'm SO glad I did! The lady (Lily) made me feel very welcomed and introduced me to some of the "regulars". The book store was awesome, carrying lots of rare books and gifts. After looking around the store for a bit I decided get a smoothie from the coffee shop, sit down and draw at one of the cozy little tables. Before long I was talking to the regulars, drawing and relaxing. It was a great social exercise and I'm going to do it much more often. It's just that easy! AND I got a drawing that I've been dreading done. Well, not all done, but sketched. It's turning out perfect! I'll be sure to post it when I'm done.The weekend was nice and lazy. I got nothing else done. Well, except for spending WAY too much money at the bird store on Saturday night. Ron had to go to one of his far away storage units and there happens to be a cool bird store nearby. I asked him to drop me there while he got the things he needed from storage. I didn't want him there 'rushing' me. Well...maybe I should have had him stay! I was like, "OH, they need this toy and that toy and this food and that cozy house..." I got them another hanging "boingy" rope toy so that we could hang it from a hook across the livingroom from their cages. I made it into a hanging play gym with lots of toys so they can fly back and forth. Now they've got three "stations" for when they're out...the playgym on top of their cages, the baskets in front of the window in the kitchen and the boingy above the fish tank. Spoiled much? Naaahhh!!Okay, well I'm off to finish up for the day. Boss is back and things are rollin'. Later!
And told him EVERYTHING I feel, AGAIN. It always feels good to get it out. Then we talked like adults. And he explained everything he feels. And just like that, we are 'municatin'. Emotional turmoil is over. Until I decide to freak out again. I will try to be more aware of this as it's coming on. Be rational about it. Stop mulling the same bullshit over in my head until I have no choice but to spew it all over the damn place. I will save the email I sent him in case I've gotta use it again. We WILL continue to move FORWARD.
And it's WONDERFUL!!!! My brother helped me install it (well, he did the whole thing, actually) in my car last night. Ahhh...now I never have to scream and turn the channel when the foo fuckers or red hot chili faggots come on 'cause I've got so many options it's rediculous! I'm so glad I finally did it. I can even listen to it on the internet! I will never want for a different mix of music again.Well, that's about all I'm happy about for now. I had another bad day yesterday. My emotions took over again. I got all carried away with my lonliness. Yep, Ron's back to nights. I'm terrible at masking the fact that I'm VERY PISSED about that.*rrrrrriiiiiiiiiiing**click*Ron ~ "Hi honey, whatcha doin'?Bitchy me ~ "Sitting here watching Two and a Half Men...ALONE. AGAIN." *ssssssssssiiiiiiggggghhhhhhh* Must. Stop. Feeling...sorrrrrry for my...selfff... This isn't going to go on forever, right? I have plenty of things to do, people to see...then why don't I feel like doing it? It's just the big let down. It'll pass and I'll go on with life like I always do. I just wish Ron would try to be more understanding when I need it. I know all about tough love and grin and bear it but, FUCK...it WOULD be nice to get some support when you're down. Even if there is nothing that can be done. Just a few nice words without attitude. Maybe an I don't blame you. Or maybe I didn't hear that part because I was too busy whining and bitching about the inevitable.*sssssssssssssssssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*And Myspace. Don't get me started on that lame shit. If I don't stop getting insulted by people who don't have common courtesy I'm going to have a fucking aneurism. It's not common courtesty they lack, it's TIME. Stop stop STOP expecting! I was doing so well with that after I dropped Whoreface. I actually looked up her stupid name, 'I rock these red chucks' the other day and it didn't come up. Hmmmm...so I went to a picture she'd left a comment on and saw that there is now a TM at the end of her name. I guess I knew it was coming. She is now one of the OFFICIAL whores of Myspace. She must be so proud. No, I didn't go to her page because I just can't take it anymore. Fuck her. Oh wait, everyone already is! Gawd though, you should see the horrible blog I wrote there yesterday. Another rant about hating people. But saying I hate people only denotes how much I hate myself. I think. I don't even fucking know anymore.I wish Ron read this damn thing. Then he might be able to understand me more. Ah, but he's a man and has NO INTEREST in learning how to deal with my emotions. No no, that's way too much WORK for him. Heaven's to Betsy, why on EARTH would he do something so demanding as READING? It's all emotional blather to him and he's doing a great job making it clear that that's just what he thinks. But he tries. He does. Then he doesn't see that I'm trying, too. Boy, the first year of marriage is GREAT.Yea, guess who I just got a call from... Mmmm-hmmm, cover it up and say you're happy honey. I appreciate your honesty. Yup, I'm a big pain in the ass. Thanks.I'd better stop. I'm getting no where.
HI 2008. Happy New Year. It's been good so far. These four days. I hope to continue this trend of lovlies. And it's raining. I'm shitting rainbows over here 'cause I just LOVES the rain! Hmmm...news... We saw Devin yesterday! One day is all we had, but it was fun. So great to see the guy, he's so full of fun energy. Gawd, I think that's it for now. I've been a lurker lately. Not in too much of a mood to write on here. I'm looking forward to the new year. Settling in and living life. Yea. I need to get out more, too. Maybe I'll finally volunteer at a parrot rescue or something so's I can meet new people. As much as I hate people, I sure do like to meet new ones. Especially ones that hate people as much as I do. And when I say people, I mean stupid people. I'm trying not to focus on it, I really am. I'm gonna go have some soup now. This entry brought to you by...My ass.Have a nice day.:)
