Well, Melanie helped me out AGAIN in my time of need. She ended up coming to my rescue when I was stranded at work on Wednesday. Actually, it was her lovely boyfriend who picked me up. He is such a sweetheart. Melanie picked me up yesterday without a problem. Then she, her boyfriend and I went to dinner and had a good 'ol time. *sigh*...I really want to get the hell out of L.A. one day soon and the only one I'm really going to miss is Melanie. I feel like she is my only real friend. Besides Ron, OBVIOUSLY. As I've grown older, I've grown apart from my friends. She's the only one I've actually grown closer to. She's like a sister to me now. I am very lucky to have Melanie and Ron because some people have absolutely NO one.
I know it's quite common, but I feel like I'm surrounded by people and yet, still so very lonely. I miss Ron every day... I find myself reaching out to people I used to know on Myspace, even the ones I really don't care for. What a waste of time. Nothing irks me more than being friendly toward these people and getting NOTHING in response. Fuck you, asshole. Seriously, why do I BOTHER? I know it's a waste of energy to get so caught up in this crap. I realize that, I really do. But I long to go to a place where the people are friendly and open and not trying to boost an ego or cover up some insecurity. I know that most of us are insecure in our own way, but seriously, what is everyone so fucking afraid of?! I seriously have to stop letting these stupid things bother me.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it here, but I actually wrote this person a long email a few weeks ago. I was alone on a Friday night, waiting for Ron to get home. This is the woman I met on a parrot site a few years ago. The Bird Brainz site on my side panel. After a few dozen emails, it seemed like we had a lot in common. I was sorely mistaken. Last year she joined Myspace and I've watched her turn into a completely different person. I just wanted to find out why she suddenly stopped confiding in me, why her emails went from, "I love you, you're so great, omigawd we have SO much in common, we're TWINS, we HAVE to meet and go camping blah blah blah..." to two or three sentences about the weather. Well, not about the WEATHER, but you know what I mean. I'm glad I wrote that email, it felt good to get all those feelings out. I needed some closure. She sent me a nice answer, too. She basically said that she didn't mean to hurt my feelings, that she was going through a very lonely time when we started emailing. Now she's back to her "social butterfly" self. I am certainly no social butterfly. I'm more like a social...uh...pill bug. Or snail. Yea, snails aren't very social. A very sensitive snail who tries way too fucking hard and really needs to get a life.
Okay, enough about that shit...
Anyway, there are no plans for this weekend, in particular, though I do hope to get the fuck out of my hot house at some point. Apparently, it's supposed to be nothing less than a scorcher for at least the next four days. Beach, here we come. I am definately going to head to the toy store after work today and get myself what I like to call a ghetto pool. Aaahhh...the bright-colored plastic with little seahorses and starfish staring up at me. I thought of getting one several times last year, but never got around to it. I have to do it today. I need a water refuge, no matter how small. That, coupled with a twelver of a favorite brew, equals cool relief. Ron might very well come home to a bikini-clad me, sleeping in my little oasis in the middle of the livingroom.
Okay, I'm avoiding work as usual. I'll leave you with some more ~flashbacks~ from last year. I've got more than one... Apparently June 2005 was a busy month in writing!
Okay, shit...I know...that's enough! Those are for those of you who really like to READ. Ha.
Later.
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