Sunday was the best. The first visit to the beach this year. We went with my cousin Mark and his son, Mason again. It was a gray morning, like it usually is in June, and so we didn't get as much of an early start as we usually do. Once we left we only drove about halfway there and then pulled off the freeway to have lunch at a lovely little bar and grill. Two beers and a philly cheese steak later, we were off to the beach. We went to one that's a little further up the coast than our usual one. It had many more rocks, some of them with little caves to explore. All we did was walk around and explore and then lay on the beach for a while. The water was way too cold to even put a toe in. But it's so nice to listen to...I can think of nothing more relaxing than the swoosh-swoosh-swooshing of the ocean.
We only spent about an hour there and then decided to go home and have a BBQ. Ron made his fabulous BBQ burritos. And we drank lots and lots and lots 'o beer. I've pretty much quit drinking beer, especially during the week. It just makes me feel so damn bloated. Not to mention the fact that I've lost 8 pounds since quitting! But I've also been watching my portions... Anyway, I allowed myself to splurge on Sunday. And SPLURGE I did!!! I'm a lightweight again and after five beers I was fuh-ay-ded. You know how it is when you've got a good buzz happening and then the FOOD comes in? Yea, I munched and munched. Mmmm-bobba!!
I also loaded a whole lotta music onto my player. That thing is great, it plays music, videos and holds pictures too! You put an album on it and it downloads all the info from the internet...song names, album cover, release date... I can't believe I went so long without one! I'm such a techno-phobe. It's still not going to replace my CDs though, because it only holds 500 songs. It'll be cool to put albums on and then take them off. Yay, I wuv my new toy!
Okay, that's about all the shit I'm spewing today. I'm off to go home and be alone. *sigh* I don't feel like being alone tonight. I tried to make plans but they fell through the last minute so now I have nothing to do. I'm feeling extra lonely today. I know I should enjoy it, but I don't feel like it. I don't wanna go home.
I'm a little depressed today, too. Ron has been much better, but there's still an issue and it's making me feel bad. The issue is me, really. He thinks I'm a ditzoid. He hasn't outright CALLED me that...he just says that he worries a lot about me because I don't seem to be all there. I forget things, I don't listen, etc. I tell him that this is just how I am...I'm a ditzy, on Mars...I've always been that way, regardless of the pot I've smoked. Hell, I've made it THIS far. But now he's making me nervous and therefore, I do the duh's more often. He says he doesn't want to do the extra WORK it takes to deal with that. He also wants me to quit Paxil. He says that it will cause birth defects and the sooner I get off it the better. I don't want to, but I do. But I'm so afraid. He still doesn't understand. I feel like he's not satisfied with the way that I am. Like he wants more from me. "What are your goals?", he asks. I honestly don't know. I don't have any. What ARE my goals? I don't care.
I just feel like a huge dork lately, too. Like no one cares or understands. I'm worried about a lot of things. I don't know. I'm just making myself feel worse right now. I'd better go.
1 comment:
FINALLY! I'm able to comment! I don't know why, but for the past few days the comment box would pop up blank. And that was very annoying!!! Okay- Ron needs to like, start supporting you and stuff. Because that is what a relationship is about. He knows you're ditzy, and if he can't deal with that, then if I were you, I'd tell him where the door is. You don't need to be treated or chastised like a child. You are a grown woman. Instead of going off Paxil, ask your doctor about alternatives. You shouldn't do something you are not comfortable with. And our lives are full of goals, be it little ones or big ones. For some people it's a goal to make it through the day without having a drink. I mean, what are HIS goals??? What exactly does he want out of this relationship? Some people are meant to be presidents, and some people are meant to be plumbers, but as long as we're making it in the world, I don't see what the big deal is. I hope you took that alone time to sort out your own thoughts. Sometimes it's good to have alone time, to really think about things and life. And I guess distance makes the heart grow fonder? Well it is for me! Whenever I'm not around Mr. B I get kind of depressed!!! I hope things get better and I hope you can figure out what to do in situations like these! I'll leave you alone now!!!
much love xxxxxooooo
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