A trend...six wierd things

Everyone seems to be doing this one, too. Looks like fun so I gotta try it! Let's see...six wierd things about myself...

1. I'll put the strangest thing first. I like the feeling of fuzzy things on my lips, especially my upper lip. I still have my two stuffed elephants, Eddie and Ellie, from when I was a baby. My grandparents gave the elephants to me as an infant and I slept with them until I was five or six. They have tufts of fuzz at the end of their trunks and I used to fall asleep while sucking my thumb and rubbing the fuzzy end on my upper lip. The habit carried on to other things...the ends of my hair, hangnails, baby heads, anything velvet, the short teeny hairs near the noses of dogs and cats (my poor dog Cindy...I'd scream "HIIIii NINNY!", grab her head and rub my lip on her muzzle!) and the very tip of people's noses. I LOVE those leeeeeeetle teeeeeeeeeny white hairs...Ron's got a ton of 'em! I've got him trained now. He assumes the position (sitting still) while I gently rub my upper lip on the tip of his nose. Gotta get my fix! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh...

2. As I mentioned in yesterday's list, I like critters...ALL of them. As I've also mentioned before, I really like snails and rollie pollies. Still, to this day. If I see a snail on the sidewalk, I have to move it to safety. If a weird bug lands near me, I gotta check it out. Even dead things...gotta poke at it with a stick. Gross, I know.

3. My favorite word is "poop". It seems to some that I have a certain "fecal fixation". However, I just like potty talk and the word "poop". It's such a cute word! I don't mind talking about gross things and get a kick out of it. I also have many nicknames for my pets, especially Stanley, that center around poop..."Poopie Hole", "Turd Brain", "Anus Head" and my favorite, "Little AAAaasshoooole".

4. I speak my own strange language. I love to make up words... "Fiffle", "Pipplie-popple", "Bloob" and "Foof" are some of my favorites. When I'm in one of my wierd moods, I'll say things like, "Who's gotta whipple in muh wheee wheeee whiiizzz?!" or "Putcher tytes onna gha-laaassss!" Often times I speak wierdo to my pets, "Howsa muh lil' anus heayed?" "Muh cyuute lil' teeeny tiiiiinies!" "C'mere muh buzzard beerdie beerd beeeerrrd!"

5. I've had a missing eye tooth since I lost the baby tooth. It just never came in. I wore a fake tooth while I had braces, and now I have a fake tooth on a retainer. I was supposed to get an implant years ago, but the retainer has been working out just fine. I always take it out at night. Sometimes I forget to wear it! But no one really notices 'cause it's on the side. My favorite thing to do to new people I meet is say, "Wanna see a trick? Lookit this tooth..." And then pop it out. The looks I get are priceless. I scared the shit outta Ron on our second date! Hehehehe!

6. I have the uncanny ability to bark like a dog and sound just like one. I'm pretty good. I used to love to just bark and get all the dogs in the neighborhood going! Though I'm not as good as some...I saw this one chick on Animal Planet that blew my mind! I love to bark back at dogs when they come snarling, barking and growling up to the gate as I'm walking or jogging by...especially if there are bushes and I don't expect them and they scare the shit outta me. I just gotta get the last bark! And it's great to continue along and see someone staring at me. Hehehe!

Okay, that's it. I'll leave you with a flashback. Later!

Taken from SFG and Fuzzball

First off, if you haven't already seen this on Fuzzball's page, CHECK IT OUT NOW! Fucking HILARIOUS! Robot Chicken totally rocks...

I've been meaning to do this little thing that I saw first on Southern Fried Girl's page and then on Fuzzballs's page, so I thought I'd give it a go. I agree with many of the things Fuzzball said and have added my remarks in parenthesis to those particular things. So here 'tizz:

I am...scared about the future. (DAMN right I'm scared about the future! That's the main thing that feeds my general anxiety)

I said...I love you and have a wonderful day to Ron this morning before I left. I say that every morning and will do so forever.

I want...to find a job that makes me happy. (This is something I really want, too, although I do LIKE my current job. It's not too stressful and that helps a lot. But I have this nagging feeling that there is so much more out there for me)

I wish...that people, as a whole, weren't so goddamned selfish, destructive and just plain STUPID.

I hate...that people hate so damn much. (I agree, and this hate is fueled by so much IGNORANCE...see above)

I miss...my cousin Danny, my uncle Alan and my uncle Bob. Awesome people who passed away from this earth WAY too soon.

I fear...too many fucking things.

I hear...robins singing outside, above the low hum of my computer. This really is a nice place to work.

I wonder...if all this stress I put on myself will kill me.

I regret...not starting this blogging shit sooner, it's a lot of fun!

I am not...good at accepting compliments. Loooooow self esteem, right here. (Yup, same here. If I could only believe in myself and my abilities)

I dance...on tables, speakers, anything...when I get drunk enough.

I sing...in the car A LOT. I love singing along with my favorite music, but not in front of anyone, of course!

I cry...every other fuckin' day. I'm a big, emotional baby.

I'm not always...happy. And I suck at faking it. When I'm down, everyone around me is down. Gotta learn to fake it more 'cause it sucks to be a downer.

I made...a great dinner for Ron last week. I really enjoy cooking when I'm in the mood and he loves it. I can't wait unitl we have a compatible schedule so I can do this more often. Heart of Man = Stomach of Man. I'm not stupid.

I write...and doodle all over my desk blotter at work. It's time to change the month now. It's still on January of 2006 and it's FULL of my workday musings.

I confuse...a lot of people with my outlandish behavior. It's fun!

I need...to do a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. (Agreed...I'm too much of a procrastinator)

I should...quit working on this and do my...uh...work? Yea, that's what a job is right? And there are many other things that I should do but just plain don't wanna...yet.

I start...feeling sick to my stomach when I'm really anxious.

I finish...Ron's sentences sometimes. This is a great thing!

I believe in...Not much right now. I need to change my negative perspective.

I know...that I'm an underachiever. (Yes, and I DO know why...I'm lazy)

I can...have whatever I want, if I could only get over some of the things listed above...

I can't...seem to get over some of the things listed above...

I see...the good in people. Then I get screwed over by most of them. Then I give them a second chance. Then I get screwed again. *sigh* (Yep, same here. That's why I have very few true friends)

I blog...too much at work.

I read...all the time, news, blogs, emails, books...love it.

I am aroused by...an open mind.

It pisses me off...that we are fucking up the earth so much day in and day out.

I find...gas prices to be completely and utterly rediculous. I never thought I'd see such a thing.

I like...making people laugh. I'm quite good at being a silly dork, it's lots of fun...I never want to stop.

I love...animals. All of them, even the icky ones. (YES. And I have to add, Ron of course...and Nature. Someday I hope to live in or close to Nature with Ron and lots of animals. Yes...that would be lovely)

Yea, that's better...

Oh yea, and I'm going to start using a slightly bigger font so the pretty italics are a little easier on the eyes. That better? I like it...

Where to start?!

I guess starting from the beginning would make sense, huh. First off, thanks toBunny, Deodand and especially Zoot for your advice. I know, I reeeeeeeeeeeeally need to stop whining and just WRITE. That's all that matters. I can't let the results of a silly poll keep bothering me. I don't know HOW many nice people have told me...I know it's getting old. Okay...'nuff said on that subject.

My birthday weekend was, for lack of a better phrase, ABSOLUTELY FFFFFFAABULOUS!!! Once again I got calls, emails and cards from everyone I care about. It made me feel so wuvved! *EEEEE*

Then Ron had to go and totally outdo himself AGAIN. Okay, he was supposed to have taken half the day off to take me to dinner, right? I thought he would be home around 5:30 or so and we'd head out to sushi or something. Well, I got home and he wasn't there yet...or so I thought. Then I spy (wit myyy lil' eye)a little note tucked at the edge of the doormat that says, "Follow me". Hmmm...'kayyy... I open the front door to see another note strategically placed at the edge of the coffee table that says, "Go to the Bedroom". On the bed I find a beautiful birthday card and another note, "Look at the dresser". I look up to behold a new bouquet of bright pink roses that have replaced the dead ones (I HATE throwing away flowers) from three weeks ago. Next to the roses is another note that reads, "A sweet birthday to your left". I look out the other bedroom door and HOLY SHIT...there's a scrumptious chocolate cheesecake on the floor in front of the bathroom. By this time I'm thinking, "What the hell? How did he do all this before he left? Why hasn't Stan misplaced all these notes and at least tried to get into the cheesecake?" It had a plastic cover, but still, when it comes to food my piggy kitty knows no boundaries! Well on the cheesecake is yet another note that says, "Your birthday surprise is in the bathroom". Okay...

So this whole time I've been reading the notes and my birthday card and smelling the roses I'm totally gushing and squealing with excitement. I'm saying out loud, "OH my God! I can't believe he did this! How sweet! Oooh...ooooh eeee ieyeyeeyeee!", and so on and so forth. I open the bathroom door and there is Ron, sitting on the tub holding a rose. "SURPRISE!", he yells, "I took the whole day off for your birthday!" I then dissolve into a giddy puddle of gushing goo, "OH HONEY! OH TTTTthaaaank YOU! OH OH OH!" I was so surprised to see him sitting there I almost pissed my pants. No joke, I really had to go! Then he directs me to the back patio room, where my gift sat on the seat of his favorite beach cruiser. A new set of car sterio speakers to replace the 'ol crackly ones I'd gotten with the car EIGHT years ago. Again, I explode with delight. I felt like a little girl again. I thanked him profusely, I couldn't stop hugging and kissing him. His thoughtfulness just floors me.

We were gonna go out to dinner, but after all the excitement I was exhausted. We went to dinner on Sunday instead. Ron went ahead and installed my new speakers so that I could marvel at how excellent my car sterio actually sounds. He had gotten me the new Tool album as well, it's the fucking shit, lemme tell ya. It gave me goose bumps as I listened to it on my spankin' new speakers.

I had wanted to have Melanie, her new boyfriend Yvonne (great guy, by the way, it's going very well with them!) and Tyra over that evening to celebrate. And CELEBRATE we did! 'Til 5:30 a.m.! Saturday I slept all day to get refreshed for the Ministry show that Ron had gotten us tickets for a few weeks ago as part of another birthday present. This one I knew about. We were both dying to go to another concert and this one KICKED ASS! I absolutely adore music. I couldn't live without it. I have an appreciation for everything from the blues to barking heavy metal. This show was amazing, complete with flashing lights, a churning mosh pit, juggling drumsticks, mashing guitars, freaks everywhere and a ringing in my ears that lasted 5 hours after we got home! The Revolting Cocks opened and yep, I got a t-shirt. The "Masterbatour" on the back and "Ministry" with "The Revolting Cocks" on the front, surrounding a nice picture of Bush with devil's horns sitting on a missile. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Sunday was spent relaxing and recovering from the previous two eventful evenings. I read all day and actually finished a whole book! I LOVE reading and hadn't had a great book to get completely engulfed in for a very long time. I'd borrowed "Deliverance", and read that bitch from cover to cover. Great book. I'm behind the times, I know. I still haven't even seen the movie! Then Ron and I had a scrumptious shrimp dinner to cap the evening off.

That was my birthday weekend and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I am still tired! I can't wait to go home and go straight to bed. We didn't hit it 'til about 2:30 a.m. I'm bebushelled today. That's it for now... Later!

Some advice, please...thanks :)

I'm still having a great birthday, but something's bothering me. I checked out my progress on Warcrygirl's page and got a little stab in my chest. No one's voted for me. Not ONE person. I don't get it. That kinda hurts. I keep thinking, oh well, it's just a stupid blog, who cares. I'm being lame again. Eesh...

I need some input from some people. How can I get more regular readers? Is there anything I can spruce up? I'm trying to be myself, but that's boring people I guess. I'd appreciate some input from anyone. And please, ask others to read if you'd be so kind. I need some free advertising!

Yea.

M'kay, thanks...I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day!

It's a GREAT day...and something SO CUTE

So far my birthday has been great! Lots of emails and lots of phone calls. Before I know it, the workday will be over and I'll be partyin' it up tonight. I'm gonna have a little shindig at my place after Ron and I go to dinner. Should be lots 'o fuuun! I'm just gonna celebrate the fact that I made it to 29. I haven't done too bad for myself at all! YAY!

Okay, you gotta check this little guy out. If he isn't the CUTEST DAMN thing, I don't know what is. Just like animals, the little ones just melt my heart. Then they grow up...hehe.

That's about it for now. I'm going to get to work on something so that this day will go faster and I can go home and start the PaRtY!!!! WOO WOO! Oh yea, and here's a link back to last years birthday just for the helluvit.



Later!

Make the right choice

Oh yes, and once again I am part of a Warcrygirl button poll. The poll is on her side panel. You gotta scroll doooowwwnnn... Vote for me if you wanna make the right choice. Haha, right. What a pathetic campaign I run... It doesn't matter (yes it does) who wins (yes it does) because I know I'm cool (no I don't) and that's ALL that matters (no it's not). Little "feel sorry for me" guilt tactics right there. Ya see? Ah, but who am I kidding. THAT never works (yes it does). Okay, enough already. I'm out. (For now).

Birthday thoughts

It's the day before my 29th birthday. I can't believe it's been another year already.
My twenties are coming to a close. I am an adult, as I have been for the past ten years. Although, I still don't feel completely adult. And I never want to. It's important to me that I hold on to the child inside for always. Don't let that innocence go, don't let the world take it away.

Happy Birthday to me. This year is going to be another great year, just like the last one.

Pork chops

I just HAD to share this email I got. This momma tiger was depressed 'cause her cubs died shortly after birth. Awwww... So the zoo tried to find some abandoned cubs she could foster. They were unable to find tiger cubs so they got creative! HAHA!



She's a happy camper now! GAWD I love animals...

How it turned out...

Oh yea, and this is how the artichoke fest turned out last year. The fest is this coming weekend again and I don't think Melanie and I will be able to even try to go this time. I'm going to request an artichoke bake party for my birthday, that should work out just fine!

Another day, another dollar

Is it Wednesday already? I'm still amazed at how time flies now that I'm getting older. I can't believe my birthday is in two days. I am going to be 29, entering the very last year of my twenties. It's true, it's all downhill after 25. Man...26, 27 and 28 just flew the hell on by. But that's okay. I don't mind at all. I'm looking forward to my thirties. That's the time when I work on becoming a responsible adult. Work on it. Yea.

I'm excited because Ron is only going work a half day on Friday, so he'll be home when I get home at five...wooooooweeeeee!!! He's gonna take me out for muh bertdee. Then on Saturday night we're going to a Ministry concert. Oh yes, and none other than the Revolting Cocks are opening. Gotta get a t-shirt! I'm so looking forward to rockin' out! We've been seeing quite a bit of live music the past few weeks. Two weeks ago we went to see Lisa's girlfriend, Paulette, play with her band at a little dumpy bar. I'd forgotten how talented she is. It was a great little show. She'll be playing a bigger, better place next month and we are THERE. Last week we went to see Melanie's brother's friend and his band, I think they were called Grand Daddy Purple or something like that. Another good time with good music. It's fun to visit Hollywood on occasion and watch all the drunken freaks come out and do their thing. But then it's even better to get the fuck outta that shithole.

So that's it for now...I need to get some work done. Tonight I'm going to go to my brothers area to jog those hills again. I'm in need of a good workout. This time I won't get lost!

Ah, and before I go, here's a great email I got the other day...

Later!

A pick me up...

I'm feeling a little down this morning, as I usually do on Mondays. I know, shit, what the hell else is new? Then I read a blog entry that made me think. The author asked that we list a few things in our lives that we coud never grow tired of. As a person who often struggles with depression and sadness, it always helps to think of the little blessings in life.

I could never grow tired of my friends and family. I am very blessed to have a couple of wonderful, close friends and a very close family. There are times when I feel very lonely, but I don't think I can even begin to understand the true meaning of lonliness. My friends and family have always been there for me.

I could never grow tired of art. I love the world of art...music, literature, visual arts...the world would be such a dull place without artistic influence. I am very thankful for my artistic ability. It doesn't matter if I use it to make money or if I just do it for me. I enjoy having such an outlet.

I could never grow tired of my pets and animals and nature in general. These things help me to relax. There is nothing like the unconditional love you receive from a pet. There is also nothing like walking through nature, listening to bird song, smelling the plants, feeling the breeze...it does wonders for the soul. I also love thunderstorms and rain, natures way of cleaning house. It's always fun to watch a good thunderstorm.

I could never grow tired of laughing. I love to be silly and laugh. I love making people say, "What the hell? You are nuts!" It's so much fun to just let go. I never want to lose my inner child. It's important to be able to let go and be silly. It helps balance things out in this stressful world we live in.

I could never grow tired of loving. I am very lucky to have a partner who also really appreciates the above listed things. He's taught me to appreciate them even more. As I've said before, I know that relationships are hard work and I am up for the challenge. I can't wait to build a life with this person. I am very fortunate to have found him.

Okay, it's time to get to work. I've been thinking and worrying too much again. Once again, I have to remember the little things.

Good 'ol Chat rooms...

I haven't been in a chat room in probably about 5 years. I decided to visit the Myspace forums. Wow, they certainly haven't changed at all! This shit is fucking hilarious...don't you think? Quite entertaining, for a little while at least. Then it gets a bit depressing to see how much the English language gets slaughtered. Here's a little snippet from one of the rooms:

Karima: yall bore me 2 death

elizabeth: what ever

Biracial Butterfly: O TRE I STILL WANT 2 FEED UKRAZIE

DEE: IIIIIGHTTRE: IF U THINK IM HOT HIT 11

BRENDAN: how u people doin

Joseph: riley your not on my friend thing

johny: WHO LIVE S IN SD PRWSS 1

Elizabeth: dose any one wanna chat wit me

Remi: then take yo ass somewhere else

{LEA}: o if u add me then yea

Karima: 11

slm: i willD.

West: AY WELL IM BOUT TO GET SOME CUTTY SO IM OUT Y'ALL

Karima: fuck u remi

Sarah: hey everyone

slm: u have aim

jason: anybody wanna chat im new in this i dont know what im doin some one wanna help with some things

TRE: 1 PERSON THINKS IM HOTTRE: LOL

TRE: DAMN

Karima: i have aim

{LEA}: no sorry

Remi: u cant

Biracial Butterfly: ME 2 JASON

slm: so what are uup tooI want to feel, what love is?

A wonderful wonderful waste of time, isn't it? FASCINATING.

They're all over the place

There are too many of these families in this world. Wouldn't you agree?

Stormy

Wow, this is a REAL picture. If it weren't for the lighting, this monster wouldn't even be able to be seen as it hurtles its way toward distruction. I couldn't imagine how scary these things must be. "Quick!!! Ruth Ann, Bobbi Joe, Mary Jane, Rootie Tootie, Bennie Hahna, Willie Nillie, Angel Dust, Joe Dirt...get into the cellar!!! NOOOoooowww!!!!!!!!"

Yea.

This picture is kinda how I feel inside this week. I was in such a great mood last week and over the weekend. Then CRASH BOOM BAM, sad I am. Hehe. Little rhyme there. So I'm just feeling low. I'm letting my insignificant worries take over again and I'm physically exhausted. And maybe I had a little TOO much fun over the weekend, I don't know. I miss Ron a lot. Damn, I'm too co-dependent! I just hate coming home to an empty house every day during the week. *sigh* *HEAVY SIGH*

Well it humpy hump day already so I think I can, I think I can, I think I CAN make it! Though I wasn't sure yesterday after work... I had a complete and total ballistic panic attack because our security gate that leads into the back lot of the building (where there's all sorts of stuff, including merchandise and a PORSCHE) wouldn't go down. I noticed it was up as I was packing my car to leave. This made me very nervous because my boss is in Poland, it was after five and it's impossible to get ahold of the gate service guy, even during business hours. I remembered that we'd had this same problem six months ago and it turned out to be a button that was stuck on one of the remotes. I'm the only one with a remote, as my boss' was probably at his house. So I got mine out of my cars glovebox and started fooling with the button. Nothing. Panic. So I got the ladder from inside and pulled the release chain that's attached to the motor. It would come down and then go right back up. After doing this several times I felt the panic start to surge through me. Tired. Depressed. Want to go home. No one to help me. Don't know what to do. Don't know what to do. Can't think clearly. I try to repeat my mantra...calm down, don't cray, calm down, panicking isn't going to do anything CALM DOWN STUPID! Deep breath. Then I remember...the reset button! There's gotta be one! Got back up on the ladder and THERE IT WAS! Pressed it, nothing happens. Pressed again...nothing. PANIC. CRY. PANIC. STOP. Breathe... Press another button right next to it. Gate comes down...*wheewwwwww*

I was so relieved it felt like my brain was melting and pouring out of my ears. That's what it feels like, to me, when a panic attack is over. Light headed. Beating in my brain. I tested my remote a few times and the gate worked fine. So I left. I felt horrible on the drive home. Pathetic for not being able to control myself in a situation. No one saw though, I was all alone. I guess it's another lesson in what panicking helps...absolutely NOTHING. My poor body. The stress coursing through it isn't good for me, I'm sure. I got home, sat down and tried to concentrate on relaxing. But I had tons of laundry to do. I went to it and when I was finally done I laid down on the couch, watched t.v. and promptly fell asleep.

Today I feel a bit better. I'm going to exercise after work again. I haven't since last week. I've just been too tired this week. But it should make me feel much better afterwards. Then I'm going to go home and take a nice, hot shower and make myself a yummy dinner. There's something to look forward to. I guess. M'kay...that's it for now.

I FINISHED something!

Inspired, I pulled out the sketchbook and colored in one of my drawings from a few months ago. Don't ask me what it is. I don't know what to call it yet. It's an idea I got when I went to an art museum last year.



It's a tad on the blurry side, but I'm low tech over here. And I still don't know how to use my digicam. I'm sure there's a way to get the fucker to focus better, I'm just too lazy to read the extensive handbook. The damn thing is two inches thick!

Oh yea, and take a look at my side bar...I put links to all my art posts. Isn't that lovely?

One more thing...

I can't believe I've been at my job for THREE years on the 11th of this month! This year I'm not gonna ask for a raise. I need to earn the next one by just doing a good job. This brought back some memories. I wonder if Melanie and I will ACTUALLY make it to the 'choke fest this year. Something tells me we might not 'cause *singsong* sheeee's got a new boooyyyfrieeeend! Anyway, 'nuff said for now.

Self portraits and more!

My mom's parents holding me about two months after I was born...



This picture was up in the hallway in one of my moms collages for at least 15 years. It's significant to me because I never met my grandma Gertrude. She passed away about a month after this was taken. She was only 62. She died of a hemorrage at the base of her brain. *sigh*

Since I'm such a dork, I've named two consecutive Angelfish Gertrude. The first Gertrude was about three when I had to give her, along with all the other fish in my tank, to the fish store for credit. This was right after I moved out of the ex's place and into Melanie's for a few months. The cat and birds were enough for her to take in. Once moved and settled, I set up the tank and used my store credit to get another Gerdie...



Gerdie number two...isn't she lovely? She's about two years old.


Anyway, I believe I inherited my most of my problem with anxiety and depression from grandma Gerdie. My mom grew up in a predominately happy household, however my grandma didn't like taking her meds and that created some particularly difficult times. My mom and her sisters (2) turned out pretty normal due to the fact that my grandpa has a very strong personality. He was a professional boxer for a time and then became a police detective. He's still going strong today, at 95. Well, his body is strong but the dementia is setting in...much to his childrens dismay. He's made things very difficult because he insists on living on his own still. And it really doesn't help that he lives in timbuck-too. Very far from the family. Maybe THIS year they'll get him into a home. ANYway...my grandma, Gerdie. I'm sorry I never met her. My brothers say she was awesome. My grandpa remarried not too long after Gerdie passed...a bitch from hell...but that's another very long and sordid story... At least she's not around anymore, but she lived 'til the ripe age of 92! Ugh...

On to more self portraits! I was fooling around with the camera last Friday and got some fun self portraits...



SASS-AY!!!!



Are you fucking SERIOUS?



What the fuck EV-ERRRrrr



Nice to meet you!



This was obviously taken at a totally different time. I could wear my hair in a ponytail. I can't wait to be able to do that again. I should never have cut my hair above my shoulders...it sucks! When I'm having a bad hair day, it's so great to be able to put it up. AND when I'm jogging. I get slapped with it now. I think it's almost long enough again...I should give it a shot, actually. Yea. Tomorrow. It looks nice now 'cause I just washed it.

'Kay, off to nigh-night!

Pewie

I'm bizzy bizzy bizzy here at work and suddenly the wonderful smell of popcorn enters my nostrils. Then, just as suddenly, the pleasant smell turns bad. Awful bad. Burnt popcorn stench now permeates the office. Thanks, shipping lady. I needed that.

FrAh-GeE Ot

For some reason, I seemed to be simply FACsinated by frogs during my brief (*uhhmm* 3 year) stint at Jooonier college. Here it is in yet another medium...acrilic paints.



I tore this picture from a National Geographic magazine article on poison dart frogs. The assignment was to paint a realistic picture, whether it be from a magazine, book or from your own personal collection. I was flippin' for ideas and BOOM. Done. I don't remember what it's like to feel that way about painting. It was so easy. Not a chore. I miss it. I know, all I have to do is pull out a brush. Just pull. And the rest will flow. Right?

Hhmmmm-bleeehhhh

I was too sick to go to work today, but NOT too sick to add an entry! Ah, but I feel much better now. I don't know if the shrimp we had on yesterday was bad or what...I kept waking up with searing stomach pain all night. And the GAS...um...I guess I'll spare you the gas... So I stayed home today and drank lotsa tea. Now I finally feel better. It's weird though, because the shrimp was delicious. Cooked with plain 'ol garlic and butter on a bed of rice and veggies. It went down smooth enough. I dunno, my stomach is moody sometimes. But a day of tea, bedrest and farting is enough to make me feel fine.

The rest of the weekend was nice, we got a lot done. Got a new couch from Lisa, rearranged the livingroom again, cleaned up the backyard some... 'Twas lovely. I guess that's it for now. I 'tink I'll have anudder cup 'o tea. Buh-bye fer now!

Almost got it

Shit! I meant to post this earlier! I would have gotten it right smack on the day, too! Here it is, April 28, 2005.

Tokeland

Wow..."

Not a bad idea, really. It's got benefits. Why not? I just hope it doesn't cause more problems than there already are. There's always the unforseeable. 'Course I'm ALL for it. I've done my share of recreational drugs. In case you couldn't tell. I think we should give it a shot here. Whattah you think?

Shatapp yew EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeediot!!!

Funny I should come across this now. I've been meaning to write about something but I've been too damn lazy. In this entry I mentioned a friend of Melanie's family that had passed away. On April 8th I went to a memorial for her. It was a lovely event presented at the local art museum that she loved to take art classes at. Chelsea was an extraordinary and *different* person. The very definition of an artist. A whimsical, talented artist. She loved animals (cats of course) and drew such bright illustrations of them. She loved cartoons and collected cells. Working on various freelance projects and taking many classes gave her a lot of contacts. One of them happened to be the creator of one of my favorite cartoons...Dee Ren an' Steempy Sho'. Yes and he was at her memorial. Uh-huh and I went up to all nervous-like and introduced myself...nervously. He was naturally polite and cool during the whole 30 second conversation. It was a proud moment.

So as I was doing my usual browsing this morning and I came across a new read to add to my list o' reads. I saw a comment from her on another blog that sparked my interest so I checked it out. In doing so, I discovered that she was into Ren and Stimpy. Awesome! As I was reading, I came across an entry in which she referenced John K, the cartoonist who created the show! I can't believe he has a BLOG! Of course I had to go and leave a lame, ass-kissing, flutterpated comment on it! OH the shame! But I couldn't help it... As an artist, I'm so excited to be able to read the blog of an idol of mine. He is amazing, I tell you. A genious!! There are so many knock-offs of his style it's unbelievable...



The first season was the fucking BEST. You're not a true, hardcore fan if you don't agree. I still quote scenes from those first episodes...A LOT. They're BURNED into my brain now. John was most involved with the first season, until some political network bullshit happened and his creation was taken from him. You can read an interview here. It's wonderful that he's gotten involved with it again!



MY HEEEeroo!!

Yes...so thanks to Deodand, I've found the ultimate blog! Woopie woopie DOOH DOOH! 'Kay, time to skeedaddle. I'm gonna be hangin' with the two Cathies tonight and I don't want to be late, as usual. Later!

Moving right along

Monday, as it continued, turned out to be a pleasant day. After work I headed over to my brother's to check on kitty. I got there at about five p.m. and got changed to go for my jog. I waited a bit for the furpoop to show up, but he didn't so I headed out for a long jog through the hills. It put me in such a good mood, working my way up and down the long streets, gazing at the spectacular view of the city down below. I especially love early evenings in springtime. The angle of the sun, the fragraces of a world in bloom (thank God I don't have any major allergies yet...*knock* *knock*) and the song of mockingbirds, robins and mourning doves. Going up up up those hills and away from the city. Nature puts my mind at ease. So at ease that I got a little lost... The streets all twist and turn into each other up there. I have a good sense of direction so I was able to find my way back...the loooong way. Makes me all the more thankful for daylight savings.

Once done with my exercise, I stayed at Steve's and waited for the kitty. I had to make sure he ate because no one was there to feed him Sunday. He eventually showed up, snuck by while I was watching t.v. and drinking a beer. I heard a familiar crunching over at the corner of the kitchen. I gave him attention, brushed him and loved on him some. He's a little on the nervous side and I'm sure that's due to his growin' up on duh streets, alone in duh 'hood. But Steve gives him so much love and attention that he's almost as laid back as Stanley. You just can't make any sudden moves or the Frankie is across the room or haning from the ceiling fan. Looks wise, he's the exact opposite of Stan. I only have head shots to compare, but ya'll know how chunky Stan is. Frankie is the little skinny black shadow of Stan.



The Stan man.



Liddle Fwankie man.

Yea. So once done at my brother's, I headed home to make dinner for Ronnie poop. Monday's aren't so bad because he has class and gets home between 8 and 9 p.m. This gives me a chance to practice my "wife skills" and make him a nice dinner a few times a week. Mmmmmmm...broiled steak...



Didn't get a pic of the baked potatoes and veggies, but they were plenty good too!

After dinner we went ahead and did what we do best...lounged around. I played with the birdies some, too. Pickles needed some love...



AAAhhhhhhhhhhh.... Head skritches...muh faveriiit.







Hi Tobe!!!



And then Melanie called with the good news that her date went very well. She went out with a guy that she knew casually from a group of friends she used to hang out and go camping with in highschool. Turns out he had a crush on her back then!!! HAH! They had a lot of fun together on Sunday and I'm so very happy for her. He sounds like a cool guy so far. Woowoo! Joy for Melanie!

I gotta pee like the dickens so I'm gonna go do that 'fore I make a mess. I should also get to work, we've got orders today!!! Yaaayyy!!!

The AMAZING year 2004!!!

"Scientists from the Rand Corp. have created this model to illustrate how a home computer could look in the year 2004. However, the needed technology will not be economically feasible for the average home. Also the scientists readily admit that the computer will require not yet invented technology to actually work, but 50 years from now scientific progress is expected to solve these problems. With teletype interface and the Fortran language, the computer will be easy to use."

************************************************************************************

From Popular Mechanics magazine in 1954. Wow...crazy to think about, huh. Funny, too! Hehehehehe! Lookit that thing! It's a MONSTER! HAHAHA!!! Ooooh..."teletype interface"... Interesting how "scientific progress" is a lot further along than we, the mere public, can even begin to know. That's how it is today, anyway. The government's got so much shit up it's sleeve it's downright scary...

I have some things to do, then I'll be back to write about yesterday and share some pictures. Some pictures I actually TOOK LAST NIGHT! Wow! It was a good evening... Bye for now!

A year ago

It's time for another link to the past! Yes! To a time when I was babbling about it being a Monday again. And my broken computer. Check it out... April 25, 2005.

Now I think I'll try asking my readers a question... Hi, readers. How are you today? Um, that's not the question...actually my question is this... How far back in the archives have you guys gone? Have you read most of the year? Is this linking back thing at ALL interesting? Thanks for any input. It is now time for me to finish my excruciatingly boring day. Later!

Whizzy

That weekend dun did WHIZZED on by, dinnit? Is...is it Monday again already? Why am I always asking that question? I should KNOW by now, shouldn't I? Weekends are NEVER long enough, even when they're five days long.

So the weekend was spent pretty much as pictured above...if the dog were a couch, that is. Ron and I are so good at being lazy. Although we did manage to get some things done. I did some of my compulsive cleaning, of course. With all these pets I just can't let a weekend go by without at least a little vacuuming and dusting. Plus, I finally got to that thick build-up of dust on the ceiling fan blades in the bedroom. Yay. WHAT an accomplishment! Ron sorted through his huge pile 'o mail and changed his trucks oil. We also made it to the grocery store (I love it when we go together, makes the task so much more tolerable) and to T@rget for some other crap we'd been putting off getting. We were going to catch a movie but just never got to it. We went home and lumped around instead.

Isn't that just inbelieveably exciting? Couldn't ya just SHIT? I know, this blog is simply fascinating, isn't it? All the constant DRAMA! Haha...heh. Hee. *Yawn* Well you should know, if you don't already 'cause it's probably pretty damn obvious, that I just write whatever the fuck spills over the brim of my brain. Whutever pops up. No drafts here! This is the real deal! I never plan anything! Ah, speaking of planning, I HAVE to figure out whether I want a traditional church wedding or if I want to just have to ceremony at the reception site. I have to do this soon because my mom and all the other clucking chickens (women) in my family are saying it's gotta get done sOoN!!! EeeEeEeeehhh!!!! I have to PLAN??! Shit!

Hmmm, any other news I can blather on about? Ah yes, Melanie had a date yesterday. It's been a little while since she's had a boyfriend and she hasn't had much of an opportunity (or selection of decent men) to date so I was very happy to hear the news. I have yet to find out how it went. It was a lunch date and she was going to call me last night to tell me about it. I didn't hear from her so I'm hoping that's a good thing. I'm simply going to have to call her tonight and find out all the juicy details, I guess. I probably won't write about ALL the details...if I even remember to write about it at all...me being so spur of the moment in here.

This week I'll be cat sitting for my brother Steve again. He's spending the week up north and needs me to keep on eye on his little black kitty, Frankie. Steve wants me to spend a couple of nights there with kitty, just so he continues to be secure in the fact that there is always someone 'at the 'ol homestead' for him and to encourage him to get his little black ass home and off the streets. Ugh...outdoor cats! But it wouldn't be fair to keep the poor guy inside full time because Steve's place is tiny and Frankie was a stray before he chose my brother to buy food for him and shed all over. I don't mind helping out when it comes to the little hair mans...even when they cost a fortune at the vet, shed all over the furniture, puke on the carpet, shit in the kitchen, walk on your face at 4:30 a.m. and especially when they tip over the glass of water sitting RIGHTNEXT to the dirty ashtray spilling a WET pile of ashes onto the carpet. Just like children, they make it all worthwhile in the end. Mmm-hmm...that they do.

With that, I think it's time to get back to work. It's a slow day and I need to get to the put-off pile. I'll probably post a little later with some links to the past. Bye for now....

Another self portrait

I think this is from first grade. MAN, those NOSTRILS. I have the ability to open and close my nostrils (not all the way closed, I'm not a seal...although that would be REALLY COOL) or "flange" them, as I like to call it. OOOh boy how I used to freak people out when I did that! A common response to this little flaring of the nose holes? Don't inhale you'll suck (whatever happened to be in close proximity) right into those things!" Thankfully my nose is now in proportion to my face...mostly. I still have huge nostrils though. But gone are the days when I used to be called "monkey nose" or "pig face". Kids are so brutal. Unfortunately, so are some adults...

Now,

here is

a random link to the past. The end of last March. Crazy how time flies as you get older...

Cool pics of Hailstorm & Sunsetmoonrise

I was cleaning out my photobucket when I came across these...



This is that accidental shot I got of the hail coming down. I was trying to get the following shot...



...when my camera tilted up and went off. Turned out pretty damn cool, I must say. Hehe, gotta love Californians. We freak the hell out whenever there is any sort of "weather" to speak of.

Then we have this one that I received in an email. Yes, it is real...happened at the North Pole during the summer. VERY cool, no?



Nature is fucking awesome!! That's it for now. I have to hound people for money now. My FAVORITE.

Happy bunnies

I meant to post these yesterday. I like these. They're so expressive in just the right way. So sarcastic. Like, "Have a nice day and go fuck yourself". Just right for those bad days.

Lalala and a link onna toosdee

Hi, it's me...the incredible bitcher. Today's bitch is about...NOTHING! Woo! I have NOTHING to bitch about today! But, I will post a link to a lovely bitchfest from last year later in this post.

Apparently, Ron's mood has improved. The couple of phone conversations we had during the day were nice and positive and he came home from school last night in a jolly good mood. Jolly jolly good. No attitude, no exhaustion and no fire behind the eyes. Such a relief. I hate to see him unhappy. He's so cute when he's his happy self. Aren't we all? Yea, 'cause he's told me the same thing. Oh yea, he was also feeling a little creative yesterday. I came home to the bed made like this...



Beautiful job, my dear. Nice Mexican blanket frame. Pillows tossed here and there. Tiger print blanket centered nicely. I wish I could have gotten the whole thing in. This is the best shot I could get. I just love it when he gets creative with the bed making. I've come home more than once to my pillows and stuffed animals arranged in different configurations. Yea. We're weird. It's great.

'Kay, so enough about the Ron poop. I've been stressing this week (fuck, what else is new I know) and my neck is very stiff. The base of my skull is sore. I'm going to have to use the heat pad tonight to loosen it up. OUCH. Me and my nerves don't get along. Vodka is the mediator. Vodka and a long hot bath. That sounds like a good way to kick off Operation Re-fucking-lax Before You Kill Yourself.

Speaking of relaxing, I've been keeping up pretty well with jogging three times per week. Exercise is about the only good thing I do for myself. Funny how I'll jog a few miles per week, all the while smoking a few cigarettes per day. I know I should quit. I KNOW. I've been smoking for a few years now and it hasn't gotten to a pack a day or anything. Yea, spoken like a true addict. ANYway...I think jogging has kept me from smoking too much. Sometimes I don't smoke at all on the days I exercise. Isn't that good? Pfft... But yea, I've been trying to push myself a little harder during workouts because afterwards I feel so relaxed. There's nothing like a grueling jog and then a hot shower. And then a cigarette. HA! Just kidding. Maybe...

So yesterday I pushed myself really hard. I took the hilly route near my house. I'm jogging along at my usual slow and steady pace and out of the corner of my eye I see another jogger. OH SHIT! Here comes the competitor in me! ACK! I gotta keep up with her! Wait, she's kinda heavy looking, why is she going so fast??! UGHGHG...PUSH! GET PAST HER! *puff* *puff* *puff* *puff* Ahhh, I made it...but she's keeping up! Gotta...keep...GOING. I managed six blocks at running pace. Now folks, I don't RUN. I JOG. There's a big difference. Especially to a hypocrite like me. I turned down a street so the competitor would be gone and I could go back to my slugs pace so my lungs wouldn't come outta my nose. When I got home my legs felt like lead. I was exhausted. But it felt GOOD. I'm gonna try to make it a point to work it for part of my routine. Start out walking, get warmed up, jog jog jog and then RUN like a bat outta hell for a few blocks. Then jog jog RUN jog RUN. Might work. Might not. Eh, gotta earn those ciggies.

Alright, back to work for me. Here is a link to last year when I was bitching about my computer and a few other things...

Sometime in April 2005

Let's Link!

I've thought of a new thing...why not link to past posts? I've been blogging for a little over a year now and it's fun to go back and see what my mind was up to last year at this time. I think sometimes I'll do "a year ago today" and other times I just do random links. Yea. Let's see how long I keep this up, shall we? Anyway, here's a link to last year...

April 14, 2005

Now, on to my shitty weekend! First of all, Ron's horrendous mood was back with a fury! It was so much worse than it's been in a long time. I understand, mostly, but it's been grating on my nerves, nonetheless. I don't know what the hell to do or say or think lately. Saturday was the worst, all of our plans fell through and that put Ron in a horrible place. He was basically FED UP on Saturday, which resulted in his voicing some pretty dark things. And how did I respond? First I got angry, then I got frustrated and finally I had another emotional meltdown. That got Ron off of his high horse. He was sorry and we had an okay rest of the evening until we crawled off to bed. Easter Sunday morning (or afternoon, when we finally got up) was kinda bickery until we arrived at my parents. Then we both put our moods aside and socialized nicely with the family. I think being with my family helped Ron's mood a lot, as he continued to be happy when we got home last night.

Fuck, I don't know... I'm so tired of shit. It's been hard to keep up with the good attitude when my other half is being so impossible. I know he's got a great heart and he has every right to feel fed up and upset at circumstances. (GOD, the shipping lady is standing here babbling to me and I am SO NOT IN THE MOOD for her. SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!) But he DOES NOT have every right to turn around and be an ASSHOLE to me. I'm going to have to stand my ground. If I don't like what he's doing, I have to fight back and tell him. Which I DID this weekend, thus it was a bickerfest. Whatever. Let's see how this week goes. I'm just gonna do my thing and let him do his thing. It'll be fine.

Oh yea, and it's PMS week too! YAY! But, I've got nothing short of a ton of CHOCOLATE Easter candy to keep the bitch at bay. Today I am going to exercise like a mad woman after work so that I can go home and gorge on chocolate without feeling too guilty. That's the plan. Just as soon as I get through this boring workday. Later!

'Nuther self portrait

I happened to remember that it's time for another self portrait... Another baby self portrait. From the days when my mom used to try to curl my hair with those little velcro curlers. Little did she know about the steel wool head I'd later develope. I still have that crucifix that's on the wall. In't that sumptin'?

Oh yea, and check out the new link, Angryalien.com, I added on my sidebar under my visited websites. It's pretty funny...

Um, is this day ever going to end? *sigh*

Clarity

I feel so much better today. Ron and I had a much needed and long overdue talk last night. Well, this morning actually. I went to bed very early and left a note asking him to wake me when he got home at 2:00 a.m. He came in all rosey from a shower, gently woke me (sniffff mmmmmmmm) and we sat on the couch to relax and talk.

I expressed all of my concerns and so did he. He apologized for being such an ass to me the other night. He admitted to really letting things get to him lately, expecting too much from people and not having enough patience. He understood why I was upset and hurt (the guy is really in tune, I tell ya) and came up with solutions. Best of all, he made me feel appreciated. And he's not all hot air. He doesn't just say things to make me feel better and then not follow through. Shit though, we're only human... This new schedule has been such a shit to get used to for both of us. It felt good to clear the air. It always feels so good to just talk, communicate, get the lead out. To get reassurance.

I have to remember that no matter how hard it may be sometimes, I have to let my feelings be known. I've mentioned before that I had a huge problem with that in my last relationship. I struggled inside myself for so long before I said anything. I also have to remember that this is a totally different relationship. It's not healthy to dwell on the past or to compare and contrast relationships. They're all different and they all change over time. Sometimes they grow and other times they choke and die. After this morning, I feel like we are continuing to grow. I feel like we will be able to take on the challenges that life is inevitably going to throw our way, whether we like it or not.

Yea... As I read over this entry...it sounds so generic. So common. That just goes to show that I'm not alone. We all struggle. It's how we go about that struggle that determines whether or not we'll be successful.

***stepping off soap box***

Okay, now it's time to get back to work. Morning coffee break is over. I want to get through this day so that I can go home and go to bed. I did not go back to bed until about 5:30. Time to go get MORE coffee. Yup.

Vicious circle

Bleh...another down day. I'm not feeling very enthusiastic at all. Ron brought me down last night. We talk on the phone a few times a night while he's at work and our last conversation didn't fare well with me. He was having a bad day (or night, I guess) at work. My attempts at comforting him were futile at best. He just doesn't have patience for people. He's gotten to a point in his life where people have disappointed him so much that he just doesn't have time for it anymore. He expects too much. Gee...doesn't THAT sounds familiar! But sometimes he makes me feel like an idiot. If I hem and haw on something, he jumps on me. He doesn't have time for "bullshit". Of course I've told him how this makes me feel (communicate! communicate!) and he acknowleges it and apologizes. He doesn't mean to make me feel that way and I've told him I understand this. It makes me feel a little helpless though, like I can't make him happy. Like I'm just another annoying person who is taking from him. Logic tells me this is not true. And I know that love isn't the answer to everything, but it sure helps a lot. I like to know that I am helping him. But he's got this attachment to things. People have let him down so much in his life and he turns to his things (mostly his bikes) that make him happy.

I know I'm probably overthinking this. Like I do everything. I just worry too much. I'm trapped. I worry that I'm not making him happy. I worry that he's not gonna have patience for me. I don't need this. I don't know. I feel shitty today. I feel like no one cares about anyone in this world. Everything is going to hell. Why fucking bother? No one cares.

Vee is for virus

I LOVE computer nerds! Thanks for fucking up my computer, fellas! I 'preciate it! I haven't been online in almost a week thanks to those assholes...it feels strange. But things are finally back in order, computer wise anyway.

It's been a very busy week at work so far, since I was off last week. Lots of catching up to do. My vacation was, well...relaxing. Ron was working or in class most of the time. I got to sleep in with him though. All I did on my days off was watch movies, eat and do a little spring cleaning/organizing. We were going to go snowboarding on Sunday, but Ron got sick from overworking himself. Poor poopsie. But it's nothing a day of lounging couldn't cure.

My car is working wonderfully. I picked 'er up on Thursday. The new engine is FAB. I'm enjoying zoomin' around town, taking corners like a speed freak. I really didn't realize how overdue she was for just a general tune up. Wow, what a difference it makes! No shit, eh.

That's about it for now. Back to my day. I've got tons to do. Then I get to do LAUNDRY when I get home! OH JOY!!! Later...

Priddy

Something I really REALLY REALLY need to learn to do before I die...scuba dive. I must make it to the Great Barrier Reef some day. I adore the ocean and its inhabitants. I also want to have a successful salt water aquarium (preferably a reef tank) in my livingroom some day. Not too big, just about 100 gallons. I had a 55 gallon one when I was living with my ex a few years ago. It was doing pretty well...until I accidentally baked the fish. They're...um...really sensitive to temperature. High temperature. It's just such an expensive hobby. Like so many other things... Priorities, priorities...

Today is my last day of work, as I'm taking tomorrow and Friday off. Ron just called and said my car is ready so now I won't be stuck at home the whole time. Yay! We'll head on out there tomorrow morning and pick 'er up. I have work to do. I'm daydreaming. I wanna do something else. What? I don't know. I gotta go for now. Fuck.

Sloganize

Oh yea, one more thing... Check out this site www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi. It's hilarious! Start out by putting in your name. Then put anything else in and laugh your ass off! For example, I typed in the words "Shit fling" and this is what it came up with...

"We don't make shit fling. We make shit fling better."

Wonderful time waster, I must say! Well, back to work for me.

Unmotivated

I'm feeling so unmotivated lately. So much to do. So much to write about. But I can't seem to organize it all into an entry. My brain is scattered. It's pouring out and all I want to do is go home and sit in front of the t.v. with a big cup 'o tea.

My car is having her engine swapped this week so I've lost my freedom. I'm completely dependent on the kindness of others for transportation. Thank God for Melanie. I'd really be screwed without her. She's the only one who I wouldn't completely and totally inconvenience when asking for rides home from work. Ron's schedule is working out as far as rides to work go.

Even though we're not going to Big Bear anymore (boohoo) I'm still taking this Thursday and Friday off. I figure I have vacation days and I should use them...why not tack them onto a weekend? I'm looking forward to spending some time with Ron and getting some wedding planning done. Maybe I'll invite my mom over for some lunch and planning. I know she'd probably love that. I HAVE to get to it...and being me, when I HAVE to do something I put it the hell off. Seriously, I'd be fine getting married at the fucking park at this point. I hate planning shit. It stresses me out so much. It's all about just getting started. Once I get started it'll ALL work out. Umm-hmm.

Egads...I'd better get on the shipping for today. We've got nothing short of a shitload of stuff that's gotta get out. Time to end this boring entry and get motivated. Here goes!