That last post is the last time I felt good. I stopped taking my anti-anxiety/depression pills in April, thinking I could do without them. I was WRONG. Things started to really decline in August and have gotten worse and worse. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Thursday.
My marriage is doing okay, but we've really had our ups and downs. Work is also okay, but is very stressful and exhausting. Just keeps getting busier and busier, which is good but so very draining. I still don't make enough money. Even my pets are stressing me out. The new bird I got doesn't get along with one of the others and it's such a pain in the ass to let them out. It used to be fun. The salt tank is not as perfect as it was before, I can't clean it every week like I used to. The cats are doing okay, but Stan had to go to the vet to get more teeth out again and it was very expensive.
All I can seem to do is think negative negative negative. I am tired all the time. I've managed to keep up a little exercising, but it is terribly hard. I can't stop feeling sorry for myself and thinking I'm a failure. I know I'll get through it. I must for my husband, friends and family... I just feel so alone.
Hoping the pills will help get rid of this pit in my stomach so I can get a little spirit back and start making the changes I keep putting off.
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I can't dance for shit...
...But I'm glad I tried a Zumba class with my friend Cathy yesterday. I was in the mood for something different because I have become so burnt out with jogging. What a fun time! I was about 20 mintues late so I didn't get the impact of a full hour, but it was so fun to just jump around all spastic-like with my uncoordinated ass. I feel a little sore today, such a nice feeling that I haven't had in quite a while. It's the feeling of muscles I forgot I had. I do believe I will be going to the class again tomorrow. It's probably not something I'm going to do all the time because it's a little far away and in a somewhat crappy part of town. I needed to try something different and it helped. Maybe I'll find a local class soon.
In other exciting news... I finally got a new-ER car! After driving my faithful 1994 Honda Accord for 14 years, I am now the proud owner of (well, when I pay it off) a lovely 2001 Honda Accord. Yea... I like the Hondas. Ron found it for me online a few weeks ago. It is so fun to drive! I still have the old girl, affectionately named 'Scratch' due to all of her boo-boos, because I just can't give her up. We had a new engine put in about 4 years ago and she is otherwise in good shape so we figured it would be good to keep her as backup.
As the summer months come on, work has become crazy. It's a great thing, but I am so tired of working full time already. I wanted it so badly and now I'm burnt out. I wish we could afford for me to work part time but that ain't gonna happen for a long time. Probably never, since Ron was out of work for a long time and we want to save up to buy a house sometime before 2020. If I were on my own I would probaby just live in an apartment forever. Houses make me nervous. Heh... What doesn't? Plus, I'd like to possibly retire. It looks like I'm going to be working until I drop dead at this point. Yay.
Well that's it for now. Just thought I'd scribble on here a bit for my lunch break. Back to work for me!
In other exciting news... I finally got a new-ER car! After driving my faithful 1994 Honda Accord for 14 years, I am now the proud owner of (well, when I pay it off) a lovely 2001 Honda Accord. Yea... I like the Hondas. Ron found it for me online a few weeks ago. It is so fun to drive! I still have the old girl, affectionately named 'Scratch' due to all of her boo-boos, because I just can't give her up. We had a new engine put in about 4 years ago and she is otherwise in good shape so we figured it would be good to keep her as backup.
As the summer months come on, work has become crazy. It's a great thing, but I am so tired of working full time already. I wanted it so badly and now I'm burnt out. I wish we could afford for me to work part time but that ain't gonna happen for a long time. Probably never, since Ron was out of work for a long time and we want to save up to buy a house sometime before 2020. If I were on my own I would probaby just live in an apartment forever. Houses make me nervous. Heh... What doesn't? Plus, I'd like to possibly retire. It looks like I'm going to be working until I drop dead at this point. Yay.
Well that's it for now. Just thought I'd scribble on here a bit for my lunch break. Back to work for me!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Blogger has changed... And so has the season!
Time is going by too quickly. In two days I will be 35. Fuck. The year is almost half over. I know I mention this in most of the few posts I've written lately but... Fuck... Time is flying. Ron and I have already been married for 5 years. Shit!
Other than the fact that time seems to be dragging me through life at lightening speed, there is not much else going on. I'm just living and trying to enjoy life. Still trying to exercise regularly, still eating and drinking too much, still have pets... Still have a JOB. The same one, too. In' 'nat somethin'? I'm working full time and it's pretty busy most days. I don't have the time (there's that word again) to write here during the day like I used to.
I am happy for the most part. Still have my down days, but it's been like that since I can remember. As part of my 'therapy', I try to catch myself when I'm thinking negatively in order to replace those awful thoughts with good ones. Works sometimes...
The thing that's bothering me the most lately is that I can't seem to do what I like for money. It always goes to shit. I think it is mostly to do with the negative thought processes that cause me to act out and fuck up the situation. I can't seem to 'enjoy' drawing anymore and it makes me sad. I so want to be able to sit down, relax, listen to music and doodle like I used to. It's not happening. My doodler is clogged. To look at my notebooks and scheduler at work, you wouldn't be able to tell. It's better than nothing, I guess.
I also don't 'enjoy' pet sitting very much anymore. It's because it turned into most dog walking, which I am not a huge fan of. Well, I got tired of it anyway. Especially since I have had unleashed dogs come charging at me and my dogs on more than one occasion. I had it happen to be twice in one day last month. It's a good thing I have a loud voice and was able to scare them away by yelling my fool head off. Bastards. I don't blame the dogs, of course, but their irresponsible owners, I will probably continue to try to pet sit here and there, but I can't imagine turning it into a business. BLEH...
The last pet gig I had with the old lady ended a little badly. I've explained the situation so many times though, I am tired of talking about it. Turns out this woman needed a whole lot more from me than I was able to give her. I should have asked her in the beginning how long she expected me to walk her dogs for her. She paid me well and was very generous. She would give me food, pet toys, and all sorts of other little things. She was very nice. TOO nice. She was also very depressed and had hoarding tendencies. One day I was overwhelmed with work and life in general. I shouldn't have tried to walk her dogs that day, as she noticed my distress and told me I didn't have to help her anymore in the most guilt-grinding way. I decided it was best for me not to continue working for her.
So for the most part, I continue to fight the general melancholy, but it hasn't taken over. My boss just walked in so I need to get back to work.
Later... Maybe not much later. We'll see...
Other than the fact that time seems to be dragging me through life at lightening speed, there is not much else going on. I'm just living and trying to enjoy life. Still trying to exercise regularly, still eating and drinking too much, still have pets... Still have a JOB. The same one, too. In' 'nat somethin'? I'm working full time and it's pretty busy most days. I don't have the time (there's that word again) to write here during the day like I used to.
I am happy for the most part. Still have my down days, but it's been like that since I can remember. As part of my 'therapy', I try to catch myself when I'm thinking negatively in order to replace those awful thoughts with good ones. Works sometimes...
The thing that's bothering me the most lately is that I can't seem to do what I like for money. It always goes to shit. I think it is mostly to do with the negative thought processes that cause me to act out and fuck up the situation. I can't seem to 'enjoy' drawing anymore and it makes me sad. I so want to be able to sit down, relax, listen to music and doodle like I used to. It's not happening. My doodler is clogged. To look at my notebooks and scheduler at work, you wouldn't be able to tell. It's better than nothing, I guess.
I also don't 'enjoy' pet sitting very much anymore. It's because it turned into most dog walking, which I am not a huge fan of. Well, I got tired of it anyway. Especially since I have had unleashed dogs come charging at me and my dogs on more than one occasion. I had it happen to be twice in one day last month. It's a good thing I have a loud voice and was able to scare them away by yelling my fool head off. Bastards. I don't blame the dogs, of course, but their irresponsible owners, I will probably continue to try to pet sit here and there, but I can't imagine turning it into a business. BLEH...
The last pet gig I had with the old lady ended a little badly. I've explained the situation so many times though, I am tired of talking about it. Turns out this woman needed a whole lot more from me than I was able to give her. I should have asked her in the beginning how long she expected me to walk her dogs for her. She paid me well and was very generous. She would give me food, pet toys, and all sorts of other little things. She was very nice. TOO nice. She was also very depressed and had hoarding tendencies. One day I was overwhelmed with work and life in general. I shouldn't have tried to walk her dogs that day, as she noticed my distress and told me I didn't have to help her anymore in the most guilt-grinding way. I decided it was best for me not to continue working for her.
So for the most part, I continue to fight the general melancholy, but it hasn't taken over. My boss just walked in so I need to get back to work.
Later... Maybe not much later. We'll see...
Friday, February 03, 2012
That last post...
I had been trying to post forEVER, but there was something wrong with the java shit on this computer.
Work and life have been so busy that I haven't had much time at all to devote to blogging. I've kind of gotten out of it, obviously. But I still like to come by and post a little something here and there.
Here is a quick list of things that have gone on in the last few months.
~I am THRILLED that we are through the holidays. I was not in the mood for them at all this year. Once again I didn't even decorate. We got through them and they were okay.
~Still snowboarding here and there, but not as much. Plus, this is a shitty winter. Glad I didn't buy a season pass. Still learning and getting better and better though. Slow and steady!
~Ron is still out of work but joined the union and is hoping to be working by spring. *crossing figners, toes and everything else.
~My job is going fine and I am busy full time.
~I have a new pet sitting/dog walking gig for a very sweet older woman with hip problems. I am helping her out a lot by walking her 3 dogs 3 times a week. She is paying me nicely, too. I really enjoy helping her though, and would do it for free, but a little extra cash is always nice. My friend Lucy referred me to her and I am so grateful.
~The pets are okay, but we had a loss last week. Punkin' the lovie suddenly passed. We think it was an anuerysm due to head trauma he suffered a few years ago. Very sad and we miss him a lot. Going to look into rescuing another male when the time is right. I love having a nice flock for Pickles lovie to enjoy.
~A good long distance friend of mine killed herself in early January. I had actually met her on the internet. We talked and wrote to each other a lot. I had never developed such a great relationship with someone I met on the internet. We connected. She was an awesome and very interesting person. I am very sad that she was in so much pain and that she is gone. I am also angry at her for being so selfish. I miss you, damnit!
~Speaking of friends, many of mine seem to be changing. I am losing contact with a few. I have given up on those who can't take the time to contact me. I am tired of always being the one making the effort. Goodbye, assholes.
~I still can't find creativity... I am not in the mood. But I doodle here and there so that's better than nothing I guess.
That's about all for now. I need to work. Just thought I'd take my lunch time to scribble some here.
Work and life have been so busy that I haven't had much time at all to devote to blogging. I've kind of gotten out of it, obviously. But I still like to come by and post a little something here and there.
Here is a quick list of things that have gone on in the last few months.
~I am THRILLED that we are through the holidays. I was not in the mood for them at all this year. Once again I didn't even decorate. We got through them and they were okay.
~Still snowboarding here and there, but not as much. Plus, this is a shitty winter. Glad I didn't buy a season pass. Still learning and getting better and better though. Slow and steady!
~Ron is still out of work but joined the union and is hoping to be working by spring. *crossing figners, toes and everything else.
~My job is going fine and I am busy full time.
~I have a new pet sitting/dog walking gig for a very sweet older woman with hip problems. I am helping her out a lot by walking her 3 dogs 3 times a week. She is paying me nicely, too. I really enjoy helping her though, and would do it for free, but a little extra cash is always nice. My friend Lucy referred me to her and I am so grateful.
~The pets are okay, but we had a loss last week. Punkin' the lovie suddenly passed. We think it was an anuerysm due to head trauma he suffered a few years ago. Very sad and we miss him a lot. Going to look into rescuing another male when the time is right. I love having a nice flock for Pickles lovie to enjoy.
~A good long distance friend of mine killed herself in early January. I had actually met her on the internet. We talked and wrote to each other a lot. I had never developed such a great relationship with someone I met on the internet. We connected. She was an awesome and very interesting person. I am very sad that she was in so much pain and that she is gone. I am also angry at her for being so selfish. I miss you, damnit!
~Speaking of friends, many of mine seem to be changing. I am losing contact with a few. I have given up on those who can't take the time to contact me. I am tired of always being the one making the effort. Goodbye, assholes.
~I still can't find creativity... I am not in the mood. But I doodle here and there so that's better than nothing I guess.
That's about all for now. I need to work. Just thought I'd take my lunch time to scribble some here.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Little tiny Ron
I'm so glad my husband doesn't read this... :p That means I get to sneak a cute picture of him in! He's been going through stuff and cleaning out his storage units (finally!) and came across this adorable picture of himself. I think he was about 6 or 7 years old. He was living in Alaska at the time...THE North Pole. This was his neighbor's kitty and he looks so thrilled to hold it. Isn't he the cutest little white-haired child?! SQUEEE!!!!
I'm so proud of him for going through all of his crap in storage. He's finally going to throw out and donate some things, as well as combine everything into one larger unit so that he can save money on it. We've got some lovely furniture that his mom was storing for us when she moved back to Alaska last year. Since we haven't been able to get a house, we have to continue to store things. Why not get a bigger unit and throw shit out? I've been asking him for years and he's finally doing it. Yay!
Everything is going fine. Work continues (finally got a raise, go me!) and I'm full time now. I also got a new desk at work and it's beautiful. I was working on a hodge-podge mess of a card table and part of an old desk. Now I have shelves and DRAWERS! It's the little things...
Our SeaWorld trip was a blast, but too short. We were only gone a total of 30 hours. It was wonderful though. I have some adorable pictures from the dolphin experience that I need to post one of these days. Ron bought professional pictures they took. They all turned out sweet!
The only thing that's bugging me lately is my friend Melanie has been acting very distant lately. I can just tell... It seems like she is just...I don't know... Bored and irritated with me. She doesn't share things with me like she used to. I can't explain it. We just don't seem to be on the same page anymore. I even brought it up to her in an email, to which she replied that she 'didn't know how to respond' but 'agrees that things have been different for a while now'. Then left it at that. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! I went to her house a few days later to hang out and it was like we were aquaintances. I tried bringing it up again and she just brushed me off with a 'if that's the way you feel'. She's got this fake ass laugh, too. Something is UP.
I'm going to try my best not to let it bother me though. I think she's depressed. She's never been the best housekeeper and lately it has gotten really bad. That's a sign to me, I feel bad for her and wish I could help her. Yet I don't want to overstep my bounds or be rude. I just have to try my best to be supportive, continue to invite her to do things and leave it at that. But I have to admit that I haven't wanted to hang out with her lately because of her attitude and overall flakeyness. The dynamic continues... Whenever we've got plans I seem to always be waiting for her to get ready or show up. She is always late and it is beyond annoying.
Anyway, I'm going to let it go for now. These things happen. I've got to get back to work. I just thought I'd stop by here for a quick update since the boss is gone. Maybe I'll post those dolphin pics soon! Bye bye for now...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Time keeps passing
Funny... I'm supposed to be writing a blog for my work website and I'm here instead. I must get it done though, while I finally have some time. It's been a very busy summer at work and I've been working full time hours. I can finally afford to have a little fun with my money. Just a little fun though. Ron has been back to work for a while, which has really helped as well. I'm hoping he will continue to work, but am dreading his going back to nights in the fall. I've had him home in the evenings for the past 8 months and it's going to be hard to get used to him being gone again. I'll learn to enjoy my own company (I love alone time, really) and independence once more. I'm not alone anyway, I've got cats and birds to keep me company.
I always have to marvel at how time passes, especially since I'm not writing in here as often anymore. Last time I wrote in here was MAY?! Whutt??? Two months went by in a flash. Before I know it it's gonna be fall again. We haven't even made it to the beach or gone camping yet. No fun trips for us this year. Actually, we did go to a Soundgarden concert last week, which was so very fun. Also, Ron is planning on taking me to SeaWorld in late August. I haven't been there since I was about 12 and he has never been there, so it should be a blast. He's also going to get me in to swim with the dolphins! I'm such a nerd, but I've always wanted to do that. I wanted to do it in Hawaii, but that'll come someday I guess. I'm happy to get a chance to do it no matter where it is. We also have a 'Hawaii Fund' going, so maybe I'll get to see that place some day before it becomes completely overcrowded with tourists and their brats. All I can say is that I'm tired of watching others go there who don't even appreciate it like I would (read extremely jealous). My last boss went to Hawaii with her spoiled older daughter a few years ago and I got to see pictures of them relaxing, enjoying the beauty and even swimming with rays. Then I get to see pics of my current boss' trip there and his spoiled kids swimming with dolphins. GAH. I have to think that it will happen, I just have to be positive and make it happen.
I'm also trying my damndest not to let my art go to hell. I've been so uninspired these days. I wish I could enjoy it like I used to. I'm continuing to work on another project and hope to get it done soon. I also hope it goes somewhere this time, maybe even gets published. That would be wonderful. I have to continue to try to get published, no matter how long it takes or how old I get. I'm too good to let it go.
I suppose I should get back to working on my work blog. I want to get a good chunk hammered out before I go to lunch. I'll try to update here a little more than every few months.
Later!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Happy Birthday to me!
Yaaaaaay! I'm 34 years old today and I feel like I just turned 7. Some of the gifts people have given me are so fun! I got a dirty jokes book and some Mad Libs! Woo! I haven't done those in ages!
Last night Ron took me to see 'Hesher'... Great movie, but kind of a black comedy. I'd recommend it though...well for those who like potty humor.
Well, cheers to another year of being me and accepting myself for who I am. Gotta remember to treat myself right. Time to go relax before heading out for a nice steak dinner with my wonderful husband tonight.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
I forgot to mention...
One of the reasons Ron and I are continuing to do better is the fact that he's slowed way down on his drinking. I am so proud of him. He's also quit smoking for the most part. He only smokes when he's drinking too much and I'm so happy to see him cutting way back on both. It's helped me cut back on my drinking as well. We've also been attending counseling together, which is HUGE. It took me years to get him to agree to come to my therapist with me and air some of his issues. He finally understands why I go to a therapist and that it doesn't make you 'weak' to admit you have problems. This therapist is great because he can relate to both of us and has great ideas and solutions. He has been there, as a former alcoholic/addict he knows his shit. He's also been divorced and has been working as a couples counselor for years. I've had tons of experience with different therapists throughout my life, from the age of 12, and I can easily say that this is the best therapist I've ever had.
I'm so glad that he's helping us. One of our other problems was the division of labor. I was doing everything around the house and it made me so anxious. I'm learning to compromise and not worry if things get a little messy. Ron is learning to help me out by doing dishes, vacuuming and putting his clothes away/picking up after himself. It's great, and all I had to do was calm down and ask him nicely instead of doing everything myself and holding in the resentment. I know it'll never be perfect, but no relationship is. All I have to do is relax and talk to him.
I should also mention that in addition to getting more hours, I was put on the company payroll in January and no longer work through the temp agency. Yay! So there is hope... I don't want to have to find another job because I love it here. I also love the fact that it is SO CLOSE TO HOME. It takes me all of six minutes to get here in the morning and I can go home for lunch!
I'm so thrilled that I don't have to go to that stupid damn catalog conference in Chicago, too. Every May, we'd have to leave on a Sunday, usually Mother's Day, to spend three days in Chicago peddling our overexpensive bullshit products to a bunch of snooty assholes. Not to mention we always had to leave at some ungodly hour on Sunday morning. Last year I had to spend the night at my boss' house so I could be up at 3 a.m. so we could make the 6 a.m. flight. Pure hell. I can say I'll miss the bar, though. There were some nice regulars, including the bartenders. I headed there every day after our meetings to avoid spending too much time with my arrogant boss and her equally arrogant friend from New York. I was so tired of going to dinners with them and hearing my boss brag about her spoiled, bitchy daughter who is going to Stanford. Then the friend would bring up his business and his 5,000 square foot house. I had NOTHING in common with those people and I never have to see them again. Hooraayyyy!!!!
So yay me for making some much needed changes in my life. I'm off to have a nice day at work now.
I'm so glad that he's helping us. One of our other problems was the division of labor. I was doing everything around the house and it made me so anxious. I'm learning to compromise and not worry if things get a little messy. Ron is learning to help me out by doing dishes, vacuuming and putting his clothes away/picking up after himself. It's great, and all I had to do was calm down and ask him nicely instead of doing everything myself and holding in the resentment. I know it'll never be perfect, but no relationship is. All I have to do is relax and talk to him.
I should also mention that in addition to getting more hours, I was put on the company payroll in January and no longer work through the temp agency. Yay! So there is hope... I don't want to have to find another job because I love it here. I also love the fact that it is SO CLOSE TO HOME. It takes me all of six minutes to get here in the morning and I can go home for lunch!
I'm so thrilled that I don't have to go to that stupid damn catalog conference in Chicago, too. Every May, we'd have to leave on a Sunday, usually Mother's Day, to spend three days in Chicago peddling our overexpensive bullshit products to a bunch of snooty assholes. Not to mention we always had to leave at some ungodly hour on Sunday morning. Last year I had to spend the night at my boss' house so I could be up at 3 a.m. so we could make the 6 a.m. flight. Pure hell. I can say I'll miss the bar, though. There were some nice regulars, including the bartenders. I headed there every day after our meetings to avoid spending too much time with my arrogant boss and her equally arrogant friend from New York. I was so tired of going to dinners with them and hearing my boss brag about her spoiled, bitchy daughter who is going to Stanford. Then the friend would bring up his business and his 5,000 square foot house. I had NOTHING in common with those people and I never have to see them again. Hooraayyyy!!!!
So yay me for making some much needed changes in my life. I'm off to have a nice day at work now.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
It's been AGES
I know... I haven't had time to post in here like I used to. I also haven't had much to say, even though there has been a lot going on.
Marriage continues to have its ups and downs, but I am very happy to say that we are on the up and up now. We've had to learn a lot about each other in the four years we've been married and it hasn't been easy. Most of the difficulties had to do with learning how to communicate with each other effictively and I think we've figured it out. It's the simple fact that marriage is a partnership and we continued to try to be individuals. We are in the process of working out what we need to do to be happy as a couple and it is working out nicely. The most important discovery we've made is that we really do love each other and our marriage is worth it.
I'm thrilled to report that I finally got snowboarding down this year. I'm not fast and don't do jumps, but I can get down the hill safely and comfortably while actually have fun! I'd gotten a season pass for this year and it was great. My boss had given me Fridays off so that I could hit the mountain with Melanie while she was unemployed. It was great and I learned so much. Now she is finally employed and I have more hours, which are good things but... I'm going to miss the mountain. Next year we're probably going to have to be weekend warriors again, but at least I've finally learned the basics and can enjoy myself.
The new job is not so new anymore and it's going great. My boss is a very nice guy. It's so nicee working for a man again. My old boss was such a manipulative bitch and I never want to see her again. I'm hoping we continue to be busy so that I can continue to get more hours. I'm up to 30 now and it would be perfect, except that Ron has been out of work for the past four months. The company he worked for hadn't exactly laid him off, just told him that there were not enough jobs at the time and that he would be brought back on as soon as there was work. Well, that was at the end of December... It seems that they are looking out for their own, as in giving all available work to family members of the owner, rather than those who actually do a good job. So Ron is starting to seriously look for work and I hope he finds something soon. Things are kinda tight and it sucks.
I've also been pet sitting on and off, both for my boss and for friends. I've decided that I don't really want to make it a business, as it's too unpredictable. But it's very fun to do on the side and I will continue to do it that way, just like I do with my art. Little projects here and there are so fun and I want to keep it that way. I've never been one who likes to turn the things I enjoy into stressful work. I actually had a great gig going for a while... An old mutual acquaintence from high school had me walking her adorable 5 year old lab mix on the weekends for a few months. It would have been great if it could have lasted, but it turns out the dog had an illness that was undetectable until she got really sick and died. She just stopped eating one day. I noticed she was acting really sick one weekend and notified the owner, who said she'd noticed a difference in behavior in the weeks prior. It turns out the poor thing had twisted intestines...or something like that. After the owner took her in for emergency surgery, she died a few hours later. I actually don't know exactly what it was, as the owner was so upset when she told me and I didn't want to press. Plus, I was bawling myself. That was in the beginning of March and I haven't heard much from the owner since. I feel awful about it still, but the owner and I know it wasn't my fault. That dog loved me and we had a wonderful time while it lasted.
I also have a little art project I'm working on with an old friend. I don't want to get too much into it here, or anywhere else actually. I find that talking about it too much seems to jinx it. I'm just hoping to get something finished and actually published some day. I think this will be a great opportunity for that and I love working with this woman. So that's that... For now...
The pets are all doing fine. Stanley cat is almost 11 and Henry cat is 5. They are both such wonderful kitties. The four birds are well and enjoy their fly time a few times a week. I finally decided on a name for my little gecko, too. We call 'her' Pat because we're not exactly sure about the sex. I just like to think it's a girl because of those big, adorable eyes that look like they have white lashes. Geckos are SO ADORABLE! I still have the lovely saltwater tank and recently added a small freshwater tank in the kitchen. It was a 3 gallon but that was way too small, so I upgraded to a 10 gallon in late January. It's been fun, but I'm trying to cut back on pet spending. The salt tank just had a few hardy corals in it. I had to do a take-down and rebuild on it that included replacing half of the sand and removing some rocks. Things had started to look a little 'brown' and some of the corals were dying. I figured I'd just do an all fish tank and not get so into the corals for now. I'm not going to be getting any more corals for a while, as they're so damn expensive. But the fact that I've maintained things so well is the reason the system is still quite healthy.
Oh yes, one more thing... I'm still happily childfree. Wheee! I'm coming to terms with it and trying my best to be positive and happy for those who choose to have children. The only problem has been my deep seated insecurities...feeling like less of a woman because I've chosen to skip the whole thing. I'm trying not to identify myself as being childfree so much. It's just part of who I am and so what? There is nothing wrong with me. I know that if I did do it, I'd probably be a wonderful mom...just miserable and bored on the inside. Not to mention full of constant worry. I'm already an anxious mess about taking care of myself! I'm happy that I know myself enough and have put enough thought into the whole thing to realize that it's not for me. Now I have to be confident about it. I also don't want to defend my choice by saying, "I love children!" or "I don't hate kids!" because the truth of the matter is that neither is true. At this point in my life, I am indifferent to them. Just like certain people are indifferent to pets or fish tanks. So there. Heh.
Well, I'm pretty sure that's it for now. I have work to do and must concentrate again. Boss will be in soon. Maybe I'll be back before the year is up.
Later!
Marriage continues to have its ups and downs, but I am very happy to say that we are on the up and up now. We've had to learn a lot about each other in the four years we've been married and it hasn't been easy. Most of the difficulties had to do with learning how to communicate with each other effictively and I think we've figured it out. It's the simple fact that marriage is a partnership and we continued to try to be individuals. We are in the process of working out what we need to do to be happy as a couple and it is working out nicely. The most important discovery we've made is that we really do love each other and our marriage is worth it.
I'm thrilled to report that I finally got snowboarding down this year. I'm not fast and don't do jumps, but I can get down the hill safely and comfortably while actually have fun! I'd gotten a season pass for this year and it was great. My boss had given me Fridays off so that I could hit the mountain with Melanie while she was unemployed. It was great and I learned so much. Now she is finally employed and I have more hours, which are good things but... I'm going to miss the mountain. Next year we're probably going to have to be weekend warriors again, but at least I've finally learned the basics and can enjoy myself.
The new job is not so new anymore and it's going great. My boss is a very nice guy. It's so nicee working for a man again. My old boss was such a manipulative bitch and I never want to see her again. I'm hoping we continue to be busy so that I can continue to get more hours. I'm up to 30 now and it would be perfect, except that Ron has been out of work for the past four months. The company he worked for hadn't exactly laid him off, just told him that there were not enough jobs at the time and that he would be brought back on as soon as there was work. Well, that was at the end of December... It seems that they are looking out for their own, as in giving all available work to family members of the owner, rather than those who actually do a good job. So Ron is starting to seriously look for work and I hope he finds something soon. Things are kinda tight and it sucks.
I've also been pet sitting on and off, both for my boss and for friends. I've decided that I don't really want to make it a business, as it's too unpredictable. But it's very fun to do on the side and I will continue to do it that way, just like I do with my art. Little projects here and there are so fun and I want to keep it that way. I've never been one who likes to turn the things I enjoy into stressful work. I actually had a great gig going for a while... An old mutual acquaintence from high school had me walking her adorable 5 year old lab mix on the weekends for a few months. It would have been great if it could have lasted, but it turns out the dog had an illness that was undetectable until she got really sick and died. She just stopped eating one day. I noticed she was acting really sick one weekend and notified the owner, who said she'd noticed a difference in behavior in the weeks prior. It turns out the poor thing had twisted intestines...or something like that. After the owner took her in for emergency surgery, she died a few hours later. I actually don't know exactly what it was, as the owner was so upset when she told me and I didn't want to press. Plus, I was bawling myself. That was in the beginning of March and I haven't heard much from the owner since. I feel awful about it still, but the owner and I know it wasn't my fault. That dog loved me and we had a wonderful time while it lasted.
I also have a little art project I'm working on with an old friend. I don't want to get too much into it here, or anywhere else actually. I find that talking about it too much seems to jinx it. I'm just hoping to get something finished and actually published some day. I think this will be a great opportunity for that and I love working with this woman. So that's that... For now...
The pets are all doing fine. Stanley cat is almost 11 and Henry cat is 5. They are both such wonderful kitties. The four birds are well and enjoy their fly time a few times a week. I finally decided on a name for my little gecko, too. We call 'her' Pat because we're not exactly sure about the sex. I just like to think it's a girl because of those big, adorable eyes that look like they have white lashes. Geckos are SO ADORABLE! I still have the lovely saltwater tank and recently added a small freshwater tank in the kitchen. It was a 3 gallon but that was way too small, so I upgraded to a 10 gallon in late January. It's been fun, but I'm trying to cut back on pet spending. The salt tank just had a few hardy corals in it. I had to do a take-down and rebuild on it that included replacing half of the sand and removing some rocks. Things had started to look a little 'brown' and some of the corals were dying. I figured I'd just do an all fish tank and not get so into the corals for now. I'm not going to be getting any more corals for a while, as they're so damn expensive. But the fact that I've maintained things so well is the reason the system is still quite healthy.
Oh yes, one more thing... I'm still happily childfree. Wheee! I'm coming to terms with it and trying my best to be positive and happy for those who choose to have children. The only problem has been my deep seated insecurities...feeling like less of a woman because I've chosen to skip the whole thing. I'm trying not to identify myself as being childfree so much. It's just part of who I am and so what? There is nothing wrong with me. I know that if I did do it, I'd probably be a wonderful mom...just miserable and bored on the inside. Not to mention full of constant worry. I'm already an anxious mess about taking care of myself! I'm happy that I know myself enough and have put enough thought into the whole thing to realize that it's not for me. Now I have to be confident about it. I also don't want to defend my choice by saying, "I love children!" or "I don't hate kids!" because the truth of the matter is that neither is true. At this point in my life, I am indifferent to them. Just like certain people are indifferent to pets or fish tanks. So there. Heh.
Well, I'm pretty sure that's it for now. I have work to do and must concentrate again. Boss will be in soon. Maybe I'll be back before the year is up.
Later!
Monday, January 03, 2011
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
October is over...again.
Well I should throw out at least ONE entry before the month is over. It's the end of October already.
It's been an okay year, I guess. Things are still fine. Work is good. Life goes on. I'm just sorta depressed on and off, same old same old.
At least we're going to a couple of Halloween parties this Saturday. Gonna dress up as a devil again. Woo.
Ugh... What else? The pets are fine... My parents are okay... I'm trying to visit them more. My mom just turned 67. It's very scary watching them get old. I feel I really have to make more of an effort to see them. I'm going to need to help them more as they age, since I'm not having any kids and all. Gives me more time for them. I really have to stop thinking about them dying... And my pets, and Ron... I worry so much about that shit.
Well, I should get back to work. Signing out for October...
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Once a month is better n' nothin'...
Hi blog! It's been a long time again! Oh so many things to talk about. Not very exciting things though, so here we go...
~First and foremost, thanks to my wonderful friend Cathie for getting us the details right away... We're going to see Faith No More on November 30th! Yaaaay!!!! I get to see my darling Mike Patton perform again! I KNEW those bastards would come to Los Angeles again, I just knew it. They have too many fans here not to. I know Mike hates LA and I really can't say I blame him, but really... It wasn't fair that they were going to reunite and then skip out on us!
~After almost 8 months of being on the day schedule, Ron is back to nights. I must say that it was great having a husband home at night with me, but I did miss the freedom of having the place (and tv) to myself.
~It's football season again! Hurraaayyy! Not that I'm much of a football fan, I just really enjoy the ambiance of the game in the backround while I'm tootlin' around the house/cleaning on Sundays. Plus there's chili dip n' beer!
~The new job is still going very well. I love my new boss, he's so easy to work with and doesn't make me nervous like my old boss did. I'm coming up on the end of my third month here, which means I'm going to get hired on pretty soon, which means I'll get more hours. Gotta call the agency this week and check on the details.
~After months of slacking on and off, I'm finally getting back into a regular exercise routine. It's not doing what it used to for me, especially since I've gained such an appreciation for beer along with my carbs but OH WELL. Something is better than nothing and a little belly ponch and cellulite never hurt no one. Gotta live and enjoy! But one of the things I've really been getting into is bike riding with Melanie. It's a wonderful workout and I get bored with jogging and walking all the time.
~Speaking of exercise, last night I bought my pre-season snowboarding pass! WOOOO! I can't believe I enjoy the sport enough to buy a season pass! I'm so excited...every weekend this winter we're heading to Wrightwood for some glorious boarding fun! And I'm extremely excited to go to Ski-dazzle this year and buy my very own new snowboard that actually fits my height! I borrowed Melanie's for the remainder of last year and it worked great in comparison to that HUGE ass Fat Bob board I was using at first. Talk about tying a log to my legs and throwing myself down a hill. It's so nice to have something I can control... So snowboard season can't come fast enough! Here we come!
~I'm continuing to try to find pet sitting jobs here and there. The cute little business card I made has come in real handy. I'm going to make more professional ones when I'm through the cheap ones I have. But my goal is to just hand them out to friends/friends of friends and see where it goes. It's really just something I want to do on the side, just like my art, because I don't want to get burnt out on it. I'm still regularly working on the neighbor's cess pool tank, which I've finally persuaded him to let me do over. It's in bad shape and needs an overhaul so I get to do that this weekend. Woo!
~I finally got my messed up tattoo redone in late July. The nice lovebirds I'd gotten done for our 1st wedding anniversary in 2008. It got infected and screwed up the color, so after 2 years of shittiness I got it recolored. Then it got infected again. Yes. But it was a different kind of infection in that it was lumpy. But the minute it started to hurt I went to the doctor and got anibiotics so it wouldn't get completely RUINED this time. Thankfully, it healed and looks great...but I think I may be allergic to tat ink. Who knew? I also got the following little tidbit added to my clownfish tattoo. Yes...I'm a dork, but I love it...
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!! I just HAD to do it! Damn pop culture!
~In fish news, I almost lost my darling 2 year old Lyretail Hawkfish last week. He managed to jump out of the tank through a small space in the back. This is him as a lil' baybeee...
Not that great of a pic and it's old. I don't have a current pic, but this one is as good as any...
He's gorgeous with the colors of the sunset and blue eyes.
So I'd just gotten home from work, it was about 6:30 p.m. As I was prepping dinner and putting things away, I noticed Stan cat checking something out behind the tank. He never goes back there so I had to go over to investigate. There was my poor fishy, starting to dry out. I thought he was gone, but I picked him up and he flipped a little so I put him in the tank. He promptly sank down to the bottom, looking all pale with carpet and cat hair stuck to one side of him. I didn't expect him to make it. But about two hours later, there he was on his favorite rock perch, puffing away and all stressed out with carpet still trailing from his gills. After another hour, I reached in with the net and made him swim to get the carpet and hair off. He was back on his perch a few hours later, looking a little better as he'd gotten all of his color back.
Almost a week later and he's back to normal, eating and swimming around happily. *whew*
And that's about it for now. Looking forward to picking up my Diamond Goby today after work. The fish store guys got me a huge one that should survive, as I have a nasty predator Pistol Shrimp hiding in the rocks. Bastard came with one of the rocks and has grown to the size of a small lobster. And of course they're smart and hard to catch. GAH! Anyway, I need mister Goby to help sift the bottom sand because it's always got a fine layer of green algea on it now. Figures...the tank is approaching 3 years old this March. Yes, other women have 3 year old humans (YUCK) and I'd much prefer my 3 year old tank. :P
I'll try to be back before the end of the year. Bye bye for now!
~First and foremost, thanks to my wonderful friend Cathie for getting us the details right away... We're going to see Faith No More on November 30th! Yaaaay!!!! I get to see my darling Mike Patton perform again! I KNEW those bastards would come to Los Angeles again, I just knew it. They have too many fans here not to. I know Mike hates LA and I really can't say I blame him, but really... It wasn't fair that they were going to reunite and then skip out on us!
~After almost 8 months of being on the day schedule, Ron is back to nights. I must say that it was great having a husband home at night with me, but I did miss the freedom of having the place (and tv) to myself.
~It's football season again! Hurraaayyy! Not that I'm much of a football fan, I just really enjoy the ambiance of the game in the backround while I'm tootlin' around the house/cleaning on Sundays. Plus there's chili dip n' beer!
~The new job is still going very well. I love my new boss, he's so easy to work with and doesn't make me nervous like my old boss did. I'm coming up on the end of my third month here, which means I'm going to get hired on pretty soon, which means I'll get more hours. Gotta call the agency this week and check on the details.
~After months of slacking on and off, I'm finally getting back into a regular exercise routine. It's not doing what it used to for me, especially since I've gained such an appreciation for beer along with my carbs but OH WELL. Something is better than nothing and a little belly ponch and cellulite never hurt no one. Gotta live and enjoy! But one of the things I've really been getting into is bike riding with Melanie. It's a wonderful workout and I get bored with jogging and walking all the time.
~Speaking of exercise, last night I bought my pre-season snowboarding pass! WOOOO! I can't believe I enjoy the sport enough to buy a season pass! I'm so excited...every weekend this winter we're heading to Wrightwood for some glorious boarding fun! And I'm extremely excited to go to Ski-dazzle this year and buy my very own new snowboard that actually fits my height! I borrowed Melanie's for the remainder of last year and it worked great in comparison to that HUGE ass Fat Bob board I was using at first. Talk about tying a log to my legs and throwing myself down a hill. It's so nice to have something I can control... So snowboard season can't come fast enough! Here we come!
~I'm continuing to try to find pet sitting jobs here and there. The cute little business card I made has come in real handy. I'm going to make more professional ones when I'm through the cheap ones I have. But my goal is to just hand them out to friends/friends of friends and see where it goes. It's really just something I want to do on the side, just like my art, because I don't want to get burnt out on it. I'm still regularly working on the neighbor's cess pool tank, which I've finally persuaded him to let me do over. It's in bad shape and needs an overhaul so I get to do that this weekend. Woo!
~I finally got my messed up tattoo redone in late July. The nice lovebirds I'd gotten done for our 1st wedding anniversary in 2008. It got infected and screwed up the color, so after 2 years of shittiness I got it recolored. Then it got infected again. Yes. But it was a different kind of infection in that it was lumpy. But the minute it started to hurt I went to the doctor and got anibiotics so it wouldn't get completely RUINED this time. Thankfully, it healed and looks great...but I think I may be allergic to tat ink. Who knew? I also got the following little tidbit added to my clownfish tattoo. Yes...I'm a dork, but I love it...
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!! I just HAD to do it! Damn pop culture!
~In fish news, I almost lost my darling 2 year old Lyretail Hawkfish last week. He managed to jump out of the tank through a small space in the back. This is him as a lil' baybeee...
Not that great of a pic and it's old. I don't have a current pic, but this one is as good as any...
He's gorgeous with the colors of the sunset and blue eyes.
So I'd just gotten home from work, it was about 6:30 p.m. As I was prepping dinner and putting things away, I noticed Stan cat checking something out behind the tank. He never goes back there so I had to go over to investigate. There was my poor fishy, starting to dry out. I thought he was gone, but I picked him up and he flipped a little so I put him in the tank. He promptly sank down to the bottom, looking all pale with carpet and cat hair stuck to one side of him. I didn't expect him to make it. But about two hours later, there he was on his favorite rock perch, puffing away and all stressed out with carpet still trailing from his gills. After another hour, I reached in with the net and made him swim to get the carpet and hair off. He was back on his perch a few hours later, looking a little better as he'd gotten all of his color back.
Almost a week later and he's back to normal, eating and swimming around happily. *whew*
And that's about it for now. Looking forward to picking up my Diamond Goby today after work. The fish store guys got me a huge one that should survive, as I have a nasty predator Pistol Shrimp hiding in the rocks. Bastard came with one of the rocks and has grown to the size of a small lobster. And of course they're smart and hard to catch. GAH! Anyway, I need mister Goby to help sift the bottom sand because it's always got a fine layer of green algea on it now. Figures...the tank is approaching 3 years old this March. Yes, other women have 3 year old humans (YUCK) and I'd much prefer my 3 year old tank. :P
I'll try to be back before the end of the year. Bye bye for now!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
It's going fine, really
Another long time no writin'. All is going just swell. I'm really liking my new job. Everyone is very nice and easy to get along with. The only problem is that it's not full time yet. I know they're planning on hiring me, but they have to wait out the contract with the agency. I agreed to take a few less hours for the time being so that they can afford to keep me on while they work things out. I think the minimum for this agency is two months. I have a meeting planned with my boss for next week so that we can go over when exactly I will be brought on full time. But for now this is working for me. Partly because I've been working part time for so long that I really don't want to go full again! Heh... But I know I have to. At least I'm going in every day now.
It's still kind of surreal not working for that Poopie Co. anymore. I don't miss my old boss at all, although I do miss my co-worker. She was a sweetheart. I really hope she's doing okay. So far I haven't gotten any desperate emails from her so I assume all is well.
Sorry, still no pictures of my new gecko, Charlie. He sure is cute though. Love to watch him 'hunt' and eat crickets. I need to get the camera out and do some downloading. We've taken many fun, random pictures this summer. We still haven't made it to the beach though. It's been very weird weather, quite cold for summer. I'm dreading the inevitable heat wave that's going to come most likely at the end of this month and last on and off through November. There will be fires in them hills!
I know, I'm terribly boring lately. Well, I'd rather be boring than all stressed out. I've been trying my best to keep the stress at a minimum in all areas of my life. It's just not worth it.
It's still kind of surreal not working for that Poopie Co. anymore. I don't miss my old boss at all, although I do miss my co-worker. She was a sweetheart. I really hope she's doing okay. So far I haven't gotten any desperate emails from her so I assume all is well.
Sorry, still no pictures of my new gecko, Charlie. He sure is cute though. Love to watch him 'hunt' and eat crickets. I need to get the camera out and do some downloading. We've taken many fun, random pictures this summer. We still haven't made it to the beach though. It's been very weird weather, quite cold for summer. I'm dreading the inevitable heat wave that's going to come most likely at the end of this month and last on and off through November. There will be fires in them hills!
I know, I'm terribly boring lately. Well, I'd rather be boring than all stressed out. I've been trying my best to keep the stress at a minimum in all areas of my life. It's just not worth it.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Holy CRAP! It's finally happened!
Well I've been sooo very out of the internet loop lately and today I finally have the time and motivation to write in here.
So the biggest news of all is that I have FOUND A NEW JOB! And since I'm so lazy with writing lately and I'm tired of telling the story over and over... I'ma go ahead and copy and paste from an email in which I told a friend about said new job...
"Well I've got some news for you! Guess what?! JUST GUESS. I GOT A NNEEWWW JOOOOOOBBB!!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!! *bells n' whistles* *confetti* *confetti* I'm thrilled to the gills because a.) I finally get to get away from that crazy, snobby boss 'o mine and work in an office with mostly MEN. b.) I no longer have a 40 minute to hour long commute (try 6 minutes...home for lunch, here I come!) and c.) It's FULL TIME and the same position of office manager at a small company! Yaaay!
The company is in the environmental/architectural field in that they locate subsurface utilities, gas lines, cables, underground storage tanks. So it's technicians out on the field n' me in the office making sure all is well.
It's actually a pretty young business (7 years old) and it's growing so the owner (a nice family man in his mid 40's who grew up in the area) is moving to the next step, which was to hire a full time person to help him get there. I have all the right small business experience and I'm actually very excited to be able to use the skills I learned during my 7 year tenure at Poopie Co. Even though my boss was very irritating, I still admire parts of her and am very thankful for what I did manage to squeeze out of her. Yea...couldn't get a lot of money, but I did get knowledge n' that's important..."
That's pretty much it in a little 'ol nutshell. So I'm on my last week at the old job and working every other day while I put in a few hours at the new place until I start full time next week. I'm sure as time goes on my new boss will be annoying in his own way, but hell... What boss isn't? You have to give that to them and respect them for giving you work...until it becomes such that you have to move on for your own good. That's what I'm doing. No hard feelings, just very happy to be able to move on. FUCKINGFINALLY.
There are plenty of other things that are new but I'm not in the mood to write about it at the moment. Oh wait, one thing I should mention... I also got a new pet this past weekend. My little Rosie Tarantula died about six months ago and I really missed having a cute little guy in a ten gallon tank to feed crickets to. Well I was at the fish store replacing one of my bulbs when I gazed upon their vast reptile collection. Before I knew it, I found myself asking what they might suggest as a low maintenance critter that eats crickets and stays small. Dude pulled out a fat tailed gecko and I fell in love. I'll have to post a pic when I get a good one. He is SO ADORABLE!!!
Well, it's time to get to the store n' grab some dinner fixins. I will be back sooner than before, I promise. And I'll post a pic of my latest art project, too! WHOoOoo!
Friday, June 11, 2010
BAROO?
One of my first pet portraits! I did this for a friend. It's actually just the first attempt. I'm not sure if I want to do a pencil version. I quite like the stark black n' white with thick lines. It's kinda my thing. Maybe I'll do another one and shade it with water colors. Yay me! I drawd again! :P
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Number 650
This here is my 650th post on this blog. Has it really been six years? Almost seven? I don't seem to have much to say as of late. There's plenty going on but I don't feel much like writing about it. I usually come here just to check out a few of the blogs on my roll over there.
Nothing has really changed... Still at my job part time, still working on taking care of an animal or two on the side. Still unable to touch my art. I'm getting too emotional over it and it's screwing me. I could be doing pet portraits right now. But I'm too busy being depressed and feeling sorry for myself. Yea, same old shit on a different day.
I'm also trying not to distract myself with too many things online while at work. I started the nasty habit years ago and it's a tough one to quit. I can't take advantage of my employer like that, no matter how shitty they may seem. So facebook, blogs, message boards and the like have taken a backseat to work. By the time I get home I don't feel much like looking at a computer screen anymore. I'm also doing other things on my days off, like looking for jobs and working on my business. Besides, there's not much to say other than I continue to struggle in life and it's my own damn fault.
There are a few good things, though... A neighbor has hired me to take care of his 28 gallon salt tank so I've got my first "client". I've also looked into volunteering at a local parrot sanctuary. Unfortunately, I won't be allowed to handle the birds, but I will be able to help prepare their food n' shyt. I hope to start doing a few days a week this summer.
OH YEA! And now Ron is out of work! Isn't that lovely? I do believe he'll be called right back as soon as they get some contracts going again, but right now it's pretty dry so they're making him stay home. So now we're really poor and both dependent on unemployment benefits...well, until I can get off my lazy, insecure ass and make money with my own business! Right...
That's about it for now. I must go and work on my positive outlook. Yea... That's it!
Nothing has really changed... Still at my job part time, still working on taking care of an animal or two on the side. Still unable to touch my art. I'm getting too emotional over it and it's screwing me. I could be doing pet portraits right now. But I'm too busy being depressed and feeling sorry for myself. Yea, same old shit on a different day.
I'm also trying not to distract myself with too many things online while at work. I started the nasty habit years ago and it's a tough one to quit. I can't take advantage of my employer like that, no matter how shitty they may seem. So facebook, blogs, message boards and the like have taken a backseat to work. By the time I get home I don't feel much like looking at a computer screen anymore. I'm also doing other things on my days off, like looking for jobs and working on my business. Besides, there's not much to say other than I continue to struggle in life and it's my own damn fault.
There are a few good things, though... A neighbor has hired me to take care of his 28 gallon salt tank so I've got my first "client". I've also looked into volunteering at a local parrot sanctuary. Unfortunately, I won't be allowed to handle the birds, but I will be able to help prepare their food n' shyt. I hope to start doing a few days a week this summer.
OH YEA! And now Ron is out of work! Isn't that lovely? I do believe he'll be called right back as soon as they get some contracts going again, but right now it's pretty dry so they're making him stay home. So now we're really poor and both dependent on unemployment benefits...well, until I can get off my lazy, insecure ass and make money with my own business! Right...
That's about it for now. I must go and work on my positive outlook. Yea... That's it!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Three years...
Well, it certainly hasn't been easy, but we've made it to the three year mark. Happy Anniversary to us. Things may be a bit dysfunctional, but at least it's still mostly happy. Cheers to a better year for both of us.Love you, my great big fannyhead.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Still plugging away, but I learned something new!
Life continues at the usual pace... Just coming here to put down some thoughts...
I'm still plugging away at my shitty job. Still interviewing a bit, but not enough. It's better than nothing though. I'm so worried about my future. I hate it here, it is soul crushing. But I'm doing what I gotta do for now.
After getting our taxes done yesterday, I'm feeling very unorganized. I learned two major lessons, the first being that I REALLY NEED to start deferring some of my meager income into some sort of savings for retirement. I'm so behind and can't believe I haven't done anything yet. I've thought about it, but now it's time to get some much needed financial advice. Second is that I need to save ALL MY RECEIPTS. Especially if I'm thinking of doing any sort of business on my own. But I continue to struggle to get my shit together. I'm managing to scrape it into a big pile right now. The pet sitting business is slow, but coming. I think I might just go ahead and make some business cards to start distributing. I'm hesitant to start a website. I don't know why. Plus, the friend that is helping me is seriously lagging...of course. Well, he's got a baybee on the way so I might end up getting screwed and doing the site myself. New parents tend to drop off the face of the planet.
Another thing worth mention is my weight. I've gained at least 20 pounds. My drinking habits have not helped and I've decided to slow down. Especially with the beer, which I've acquired quite the taste for. I've really been putting it away the past six months or so, and my belly and butt are showing it. Also, the lack of energy has caused me to slow down on exercising. So no more drinking during the week and it's gotta be controlled on the weekends. Maybe I can be a good influence on Ron, who continues to drink way too much beer. I won't say how much because it's embarrassing.
Despite that, I think we're doing pretty well in learning how to deal with each other. The relationship continues to run much smoother. We're trying to appease each other's needs a little more and it helps. I'm also trying my best to stay calm and not let his words or actions get to me... Pretty damn hard and we still slip into an argument here and there. It pains me to see what an alcoholic Ron is. He admits it but doesn't do anything about it. He simply cannot quit drinking so much and won't think it's a real problem until his health is affected. This scares the holy hell out of me, but I am powerless. If I nag, it'll just start an argument. So I have to try to be an example and wait to see if he decides to stop. I'm just not sure how long I can wait while he continues this selfish behavior. The sad thing is that he thinks he has it all under control and he doesn't seem to understand my conern.
So... While I bury those problems, let's get to something positive shall we? I finally, FINALLY learned how to snowboard! I started about three seasons ago and only managed to hit the mountain one to two times a year since. Each time I went I most literally HIT the mountain and was therefore unenthused for a while. Actually, I didn't go at all last year. It took Melanie being unemployed and me being partially unemployed for us to get up there more than a few times so that I could actually make progress and start to learn. She and her brother discovered an awesome bunny slope that is longer and more advanced than the old bunny slope we used to hit on the other side of the mountain. That slope really helped me learn, as well as using a board that was the right size for me. Turns out the board Ron got me was way too big and that's what was keeping me from being able to turn and control the thing without going too fast or falling. We went again on Sunday with her brother, his friend and Ron and it was so fun! I even managed to get down the bunny slope twice without falling and THEN make it down the real, long run down the face of the mountain! I fell about four times on that one, but they were little and much more controlled. Hehe!
Well that's it for now. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed again. Time to do the usual and finish my work so the day goes by and I can go home. Bye for a while...
I'm still plugging away at my shitty job. Still interviewing a bit, but not enough. It's better than nothing though. I'm so worried about my future. I hate it here, it is soul crushing. But I'm doing what I gotta do for now.
After getting our taxes done yesterday, I'm feeling very unorganized. I learned two major lessons, the first being that I REALLY NEED to start deferring some of my meager income into some sort of savings for retirement. I'm so behind and can't believe I haven't done anything yet. I've thought about it, but now it's time to get some much needed financial advice. Second is that I need to save ALL MY RECEIPTS. Especially if I'm thinking of doing any sort of business on my own. But I continue to struggle to get my shit together. I'm managing to scrape it into a big pile right now. The pet sitting business is slow, but coming. I think I might just go ahead and make some business cards to start distributing. I'm hesitant to start a website. I don't know why. Plus, the friend that is helping me is seriously lagging...of course. Well, he's got a baybee on the way so I might end up getting screwed and doing the site myself. New parents tend to drop off the face of the planet.
Another thing worth mention is my weight. I've gained at least 20 pounds. My drinking habits have not helped and I've decided to slow down. Especially with the beer, which I've acquired quite the taste for. I've really been putting it away the past six months or so, and my belly and butt are showing it. Also, the lack of energy has caused me to slow down on exercising. So no more drinking during the week and it's gotta be controlled on the weekends. Maybe I can be a good influence on Ron, who continues to drink way too much beer. I won't say how much because it's embarrassing.
Despite that, I think we're doing pretty well in learning how to deal with each other. The relationship continues to run much smoother. We're trying to appease each other's needs a little more and it helps. I'm also trying my best to stay calm and not let his words or actions get to me... Pretty damn hard and we still slip into an argument here and there. It pains me to see what an alcoholic Ron is. He admits it but doesn't do anything about it. He simply cannot quit drinking so much and won't think it's a real problem until his health is affected. This scares the holy hell out of me, but I am powerless. If I nag, it'll just start an argument. So I have to try to be an example and wait to see if he decides to stop. I'm just not sure how long I can wait while he continues this selfish behavior. The sad thing is that he thinks he has it all under control and he doesn't seem to understand my conern.
So... While I bury those problems, let's get to something positive shall we? I finally, FINALLY learned how to snowboard! I started about three seasons ago and only managed to hit the mountain one to two times a year since. Each time I went I most literally HIT the mountain and was therefore unenthused for a while. Actually, I didn't go at all last year. It took Melanie being unemployed and me being partially unemployed for us to get up there more than a few times so that I could actually make progress and start to learn. She and her brother discovered an awesome bunny slope that is longer and more advanced than the old bunny slope we used to hit on the other side of the mountain. That slope really helped me learn, as well as using a board that was the right size for me. Turns out the board Ron got me was way too big and that's what was keeping me from being able to turn and control the thing without going too fast or falling. We went again on Sunday with her brother, his friend and Ron and it was so fun! I even managed to get down the bunny slope twice without falling and THEN make it down the real, long run down the face of the mountain! I fell about four times on that one, but they were little and much more controlled. Hehe!
Well that's it for now. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed again. Time to do the usual and finish my work so the day goes by and I can go home. Bye for a while...
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
It's not over! I'm still alive!
Nope. I'm still writing in here. Nothing very interesting though. I'm too scatterbrained to stick to a theme. Unless that theme is general depression. Heh... No, I'm actually doing fine despite the fact that I'm poor. It could be worse.
So I almost got a new job this week at a real estate development/property management company. ALMOST. But they moved too fast for me, wouldn't even let me go home and think about it. I interviewed last Thursday. Friday they called me to come in on Monday. There was another candidate there when I arrived on Monday morning. We both had to read the company manual and then take a comprehension test. We both sat in the owners office as he went over our tests and grilled us about the wrong answers. Then he had us go back, open the manuals and do the wrong answers over. When we were done with that, he sat us both down and told us we were both hired and that we'd be switching off between that office and another one in the valley. He said we'd get training that afternoon and start putting together our personnell files. Then he said he needed to talk to us separately for about 10 minutes each, I assume to discuss our compensation. The other girl was first so I stepped out and looked around the office a bit. I was terribly nervous and uncomfortable. I really wasn't sure I wanted to accept the job.
While I waited, I walked over to the old receptionist/secretary that we were to replace and tried to make small talk by asking her how long she'd been there. A whopping two weeks and Monday was her last day. Not too surprised, I asked if the boss was 'difficult' and she nodded enthusiastically. We whispered a bit and I told her I still needed to give my two weeks and that I wasn't ready to start the job yet. She said he didn't let her go home and think about it, either. That's when I realized that this was not the environment I wanted to be in, much less one I'm going to last in. A very strict place where we weren't allowed to touch the internet or even personalize our own computers. Man...I've gotten way too spoiled here. Anyway, next thing I know the other girl came out of his office and some auditors arrived and were whisked into his office. No time for me to talk to the guy before we're taken to the break room and told we need to go to lunch because by that time it was 11:45. I'm handed a time card and off we go! I was close to home (one of the perks) so I just drove there on my lunch break. After talking to Ron and Melanie, I called them from home to say I wouldn't be coming back and that I'd decided the position wasn't for me.
I feel like a chicken shit, but I can honestly say I'm glad I didn't take the position. I could just tell by reading the manual and by the way the guy talked to me that this was not going to be a good fit. Not to mention that I'd be working for yet another filthy rich person. In the manual was the list of accounts and files. I got to the page that listed his personal accounts and noticed a beach house, a mountain cabin, cars for each of the kids... Ugh... And he had pictures of his stupid kids and grandkids all over the place. A fambly man. BARF. Hehe...I'm such a bitch. I really don't mind family people if they're not rich, arrogant assholes. And if they don't talk about their kids too much. Hehehe!
Some other exciting news, Ron and I went on 'vacation' to Brian Head resort in Utah this year. He had three days off of work and I had enough time off to combine it into the short vacation. It was the same thing as last year, we spent it at his mom's time share resort. It was beautiful weather and the slopes were great. I'm starting to get the hang of snowboarding. I might just get it this year if I can make it to the mountain a few more times. But the trip was way too short. We got there Thursday night and spent Friday and Saturday, then left Sunday evening after a movie. It sucked having to come home so soon.
That's about all I have time for now. I've been so damn busy at work because I only have two days to do shit and we're starting to get busy for Easter again. I hope I get some more hours soon. My unemployment was delayed and I'm completely broke. It really sucks and makes me feel like such a loser. Maybe one day I'll get a real job. Maybe one day I'll get this pet sitting thing off the ground.
So I almost got a new job this week at a real estate development/property management company. ALMOST. But they moved too fast for me, wouldn't even let me go home and think about it. I interviewed last Thursday. Friday they called me to come in on Monday. There was another candidate there when I arrived on Monday morning. We both had to read the company manual and then take a comprehension test. We both sat in the owners office as he went over our tests and grilled us about the wrong answers. Then he had us go back, open the manuals and do the wrong answers over. When we were done with that, he sat us both down and told us we were both hired and that we'd be switching off between that office and another one in the valley. He said we'd get training that afternoon and start putting together our personnell files. Then he said he needed to talk to us separately for about 10 minutes each, I assume to discuss our compensation. The other girl was first so I stepped out and looked around the office a bit. I was terribly nervous and uncomfortable. I really wasn't sure I wanted to accept the job.
While I waited, I walked over to the old receptionist/secretary that we were to replace and tried to make small talk by asking her how long she'd been there. A whopping two weeks and Monday was her last day. Not too surprised, I asked if the boss was 'difficult' and she nodded enthusiastically. We whispered a bit and I told her I still needed to give my two weeks and that I wasn't ready to start the job yet. She said he didn't let her go home and think about it, either. That's when I realized that this was not the environment I wanted to be in, much less one I'm going to last in. A very strict place where we weren't allowed to touch the internet or even personalize our own computers. Man...I've gotten way too spoiled here. Anyway, next thing I know the other girl came out of his office and some auditors arrived and were whisked into his office. No time for me to talk to the guy before we're taken to the break room and told we need to go to lunch because by that time it was 11:45. I'm handed a time card and off we go! I was close to home (one of the perks) so I just drove there on my lunch break. After talking to Ron and Melanie, I called them from home to say I wouldn't be coming back and that I'd decided the position wasn't for me.
I feel like a chicken shit, but I can honestly say I'm glad I didn't take the position. I could just tell by reading the manual and by the way the guy talked to me that this was not going to be a good fit. Not to mention that I'd be working for yet another filthy rich person. In the manual was the list of accounts and files. I got to the page that listed his personal accounts and noticed a beach house, a mountain cabin, cars for each of the kids... Ugh... And he had pictures of his stupid kids and grandkids all over the place. A fambly man. BARF. Hehe...I'm such a bitch. I really don't mind family people if they're not rich, arrogant assholes. And if they don't talk about their kids too much. Hehehe!
Some other exciting news, Ron and I went on 'vacation' to Brian Head resort in Utah this year. He had three days off of work and I had enough time off to combine it into the short vacation. It was the same thing as last year, we spent it at his mom's time share resort. It was beautiful weather and the slopes were great. I'm starting to get the hang of snowboarding. I might just get it this year if I can make it to the mountain a few more times. But the trip was way too short. We got there Thursday night and spent Friday and Saturday, then left Sunday evening after a movie. It sucked having to come home so soon.
That's about all I have time for now. I've been so damn busy at work because I only have two days to do shit and we're starting to get busy for Easter again. I hope I get some more hours soon. My unemployment was delayed and I'm completely broke. It really sucks and makes me feel like such a loser. Maybe one day I'll get a real job. Maybe one day I'll get this pet sitting thing off the ground.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
New horizons
I'm moving right along in my pet sitting business venture. This is the first version of my logo. I'm getting some new graphics software tomorrow from my friend at the aquarium shop so I can color it a little better. He's going to put Adobe Fireworks on my little 'ol girl. I'm tired of Photoshop and I'd like to see what I can do with this in another program for a change. He's also going to help me build a website. I've got my domain name, too! I'll reveal that a little later in the process when things are a little more concrete. But it's a start to getting myself out there. The business cards will come a little later. A website is a better first step... Then I'll have the address on the cards! In' 'nat sumpthin'? Heh... So I'm going to concentrate on exotics. Birds, reptiles, rodents, insects... Of course I'll offer services for dogs and cats, but my heart with the not so traditional pets. There aren't too many people willing to take your Boa for a weekend or read to your lonely cockatoo while you're on a business trip. Well, maybe there are... But I'd love to be one of them.
In other news, my marriage continues to improve. I don't know what it is... Maybe we just needed to hit rock bottom. I know it's never going to be easy, but I think we're picking up the tools to make this work a little better. And it's so true... In order to make a change in a relationship, or anywhere in life, you need to start with yourself. That's what I've done. I started with this anxiety I keep having over cleaning. I've finally realized that the clean police are not going to break down my door and drag me away to dirty jail for not vacuuming every day. The dishes can wait, too. Keeping up and doing them little by little helps, too. The main thing is that it's doesn't all HAVE to be done NOW. Ron doesn't even nag me. It's ME who keeps putting all this pressure on myself. I don't need it anymore.
That's it for an update. I've gotta eat din din now. Mmmm... Tuna Helper. I am SUCH a cook.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)