Mickey's arrival

I have little bit of cute, exciting news on the bird front this past weekend. Well, it's exciting to us bird/animal freaks anyway...



Before we left to grab some lunch on Saturday afternoon, I'd rolled my bird cages out onto the balcony for some sun and fresh air. Punkin' and Pickles the lovebirds have their own big cage and Toby the parrotlet has his own medium cage. I like to put them out every week or so to let them get a change of scenery while I clean the birdy area. This time it was imperative that I clean up some, due to our little ant infestation that morning. We'd gotten the lovely pestering cat awakening from Stanley and Henry that morning...the 7 a.m. whiney meows and jumping on and off the bed. So far the ants had only found the cat food and I wanted to keep it that way.


After lunch we picked up a few movies to watch when we got home. I fell asleep for a nap toward the end of the first movie and woke to Ron excitedly talking about a wild lovebird hanging out on top of Punkin' and Pickles' cage. I groggily walked outside and heard a familiar chirp in the distance. Then I saw him on the apartment roof across the driveway, a normal colored Peachfaced lovebird. It didn't take long for him to fly back over and land on the lovebird cage again. I could tell he'd been someone's pet, as he was pulling on the toys and climbing the cage bars with ease. Ron managed to snap a picture of him just chillin' on the top of the boy's house...







There he is sittin' on his little hauches, all fluffed up and tired.



He'd get very close at times, climbing over Toby's cage, flitting to the balcony railing... I tried to catch him with my hands a few times and that was just a joke. He'd fly, sometimes just out of my reach to other side of the balcony, sometimes across to the apartment roof. All the while Ron was cheering me on, telling me to do 'my birdy thing'. He thought the whole thing was so awesome, a 'wild bird' showing up our birds' calls. I don't think Ron would have let me keep this little guy if I'd have brought him home after I'd found him say, in the yard at work. But being witness to this random event he said enthusiastically, "You can keep him if you can catch him!" It didn't take me long to realize that this bird was just recently someone's pet. It was obvious that although he wasn't hand tame, he was somewhat used to people and the captive environment. I'd say he'd only been free for 24 hours at the most, as we'd never seen him before. Though I wonder if he could have flown a long distance...



Anyway, I did my birdy thing by setting up an extra cage with food, water and toys and placing it on top of the lovebird cage. It has two little doors, one at the top and one on the side. I also put out a little colorful wooden play gym, complete with ladders and bells, right next to the open side door, to further entice him. Then Ron and I watched and waited inside, just behind the door, ready to swing into action as soon as the time was right. Finally, as dusk approached we saw him hop into the cage to eat. I bolted out to close the doors and just like that, we've got a new flock member. We danced around thrilled that we'd saved the poor little guy from almost certain demise. Pet birds, especially the smaller ones, are no challenge to the crows and hawks that are all too common in our area, which is just below the nearby mountains. Of course, if we hear of someone looking for their lost bird we will return him... But somehow I don't think that'll be the case. To most people, it's "just a bird". SO...his name is Mickey. Hehe!



That night he ate and ate and continued to eat when we brought them all into the house a little while later. He's spent most of his time thus far on the highest perch, only coming down to eat. He's still frightened from the ordeal and being in a new place so he hasn't moved much or made any noise. I'm keeping him separated from the others for now, probably for about a month. I need to get him into the vet to be checked for any illness before I can allow him near the rest of the flock. I'll probably do that when I get home from my trip to New York next week...



Which brings me to my other news... I'm going to New York to visit my friend Marguerite! I'm leaving this Friday the 21st and staying until the 26th. Just a short little jaunt, but it'll be very fun. New York is a lovely place to visit and I'm excited to see my friend again. I haven't seen her in almost a year again. I'm also going to try to see my friends Rich and Devin. Devin is the one that Melanie and I went to visit in 2005. He had separated from his boyfriend, Rich, in 2004 when they were living together in California. They happend to be Melanie's ex-boyfriend's roommates and that's how we met them. We became pretty close friends with Devin and then he decided to go on an adventure to teach English in China for a few years. Well, that stint is now over and he's moving back to New York where they are both from. Once again he'll be living with Rich. Obviously they communicated here and there when Devin came for visits. Then Rich moved back to New York and Devin's following. I hope we can at least have dinner... Which reminds me, I need to email Rich and tell 'im I'm coming!



So life goes on... Having a new bird fly into my life is an interesting distraction. I continue to be passive aggressive in the way of my marriage. We're doing okay, but continue to bicker and fight over our communication problems. It's like we're living parallel lives instead of as a team. We're not working together on things, neither is trying...and neither wants to. One of the biggest problems is that I'm not getting the emotional support I need. Ron doesn't seem to understand what I need. He doesn't understand that telling me the way things are, telling me he knows everything, is NOT the way to get through to me. I know I need to do something but I'm terribly afraid and depressed about it. I keep putting it off... I've tried to explain but I guess I'm not doing it right. Then I don't feel like dealing with it so I ignore it.



Shit, I need to get to work again. I always do this... I don't know why I can't write at home. Back to work for me! Bye for now...

Illiteracy taken to a new level

This is an old one that I just recently became aware of. Just goes to show the wonders of the internetz never cease.

As featured on somethingawful.com, a gem from the site, "Yahoo Answers". A question and answer site, it is meant to stimulate the curious mind. Ah, but ends up doing anything than that, thanks to all the weirdos, idiots and time-wasters that clog the lines. All it ends up being is yet another ignorant corner of the net, where mostly teenagers banter in their native stupid text-speak. One beautiful example of illiteracy found on the site was made into a flash cartoon that this particular 'net weirdo needs to stop repeating before she drives her husband nuts. Warning, it loops...

http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf

I think it made me stupid just watching the thing again, as I could NOT make the damn link work no matter how hard I tried. Well, it wasn't that hard, considering I'm now completely out of coffee time to work on this lame shit. I must go do my job. Damnit.

I'm doing okay... How 'bout some cute pictures?

Yea, I'm still alive. I'm still not in much of the mood to write. These are some of my favorite picutres from recent emails. Notice how the first three are color coordinated. Heh. Have I mentioned how I can't get enough of cute animal pictures? They always make my day, especially when I've been sick.

Yesterday I stayed home from work due to feeling squeamish and having a low grade fever. I figure it's due to the fact that I swallowed a large amount of water while swimming at the beach on Sunday. Mmmmm, yummy. Nothing like a gullet fulla salty poop water. Ugh, it felt bad enough when it happened. I got an unexpected tumble from a large wave and inadvertantly gulped down some of the tasty ocean, much of which felt like it was through my nose. Bwehh... The water actually looked quite clean that day. It was a pretty bluegreen, somewhat clear and I was able to open my eyes underwater to see the bottom. My eyes didn't even sting afterward. I'm very surprised I got sick, but I did and it sucked. At least I got over it pretty quickly. After a few squirty poohs (nice visual, I know) I slept most of the day and by last night I was feeling fine.

Oh yea, this time we went to the beach with my cousin Mark and his son Mason again. We seem to have a love/hate relationship with cousin Mark. I forgot if I mentioned his whole ordeal on here... The fact that he was out of work for 13 years and was supported by his girlfriend, the fact that they suddenly got married a just few months after us, the fact that they just had a baby girl (cousin is 39 and she is 37 or so I think), the fact that they were practically given a house and all new furniture by cousin's in-laws. Though I'm sure the wife bought some of it, she makes pretty decent money and she bought her own big engagement ring.

The girlfriend is nice enough to our faces, but never wants to actually hang out with us. It's weird, she always stays home while we pick up Mark and Mason to do things. Mason actually spends every other weekend with Mark, he lives with mom, the girlfriend Mark knocked up before he met the current wife. Anyway, we enjoyed hanging out with them, but have made a point to kind of let them go a little. Mark never has money, never offers anything...Oh and can't drive, either. So we always have to pick his ass up. That's why we don't do much with them anymore. Believe it or not, it really doesn't have much to do with the baby. Although it doesn't help... Really, given their history, especially Mark's, they are the last people who should be having kids. But I'm trying my best to get over that kind of crap because I'm going to witness countless more people around me, qualified and unqualified, having children. It's not my place to judge them, just so long as they don't judge me for not having them. Hah! Right. But I'm ready for them...

It was funny the other day, I was holding Mark's baby and his wife Trish is like, "I know you don't like kids and all, but you're so good with her..." or some such bullshit. I just smiled and said what I'm probably going to say a million more times in the future, Oh no, I like most kids and babies. Just because I don't want any of my own doesn't mean I don't like them!"

*sigh*

People can be so stupid. I just have to let these things go and quit dwelling... Ah, the story of my life. That's all I have time for at the moment. I have things to get to at work. Some making up to do for yesterday's absence.

More fun from the Onion

This is brilliant!

We Must Preserve The Earth's Dwindling Resources For My Five Children

By Brenda Melford

June 28, 2006

As we move into the 21st century, it is our responsibility to think of the future of the earth—not for ourselves, but for those who will inherit what my husband and I leave behind when we're gone. If we do not join together and do what's best for this, our only planet, there may not be an environment left in which my five children, and their 25 children's 125 children, can grow up and raise large upper-middle-class families of their own. Nothing less than the preservation of my descendents' lifestyle itself is at stake.

Imagine a world devoid of pristine wilderness for my progeny to explore on the weekends in the sport-utility-vehicles of the future, leaving my youngest son, Dylan, with nowhere to blow off steam on off-road adventures. Imagine a world in which my beautiful middle son, Connor, is denied his twice-daily half-hour hot showers because of water shortages. Picture what it would be like for my oldest boy Asher, preparing to start his first semester at Stanford, to have to go without basic amenities such as cable television, satellite radio, central air, or massage chairs, all because of the shortsighted squandering by his parents' generation of our non-renewable energy sources today.

Though it seems like a far-off nightmare, this terrible vision is all too possible. Would you want to live in a world where my five children had to endure such horrible deprivations? I know I wouldn't. If we don't take action now, my daughters Kimmy and Jenna may not be able to blow-dry their hair for 45 minutes to an hour each morning, nor may my future sons-in-law cut their grass atop enormous, diesel-powered riding mowers. In fact, they may not even have lawns—at least not the lush, verdant kind that requires constant watering and pesticide treatment. It's conceivable that one day my five children's spacious yards may be entirely composed of synthetic Astroturf, or—God forbid—those tacky wood chips my sister in Arizona uses.

In a cruel irony, those wood chippings will get more expensive as the world's timber supply continues to shrink. Encroaching urban sprawl has already begun to spoil the view from the porch of our beautiful new summer home on Lake Wakenaka. Sadly, the view from the bay windows of our first summer home, the one we built at our Woodland Acres property six years earlier, has already been ruined by such unchecked development. Must my children grow up in a world where only one of their parents' summer homes is surrounded by the beauty of nature? It's unthinkable, I know, but we must face facts. This is to say nothing of the deleterious impact the destruction of our global ecosystems will have on the wildlife my family enjoys hunting. Biodiversity is crucial to another 100 years of deer-, quail-, duck-, bear-, moose-, bobcat-, and bison-shooting summer recreation for my descendents.

We must take steps immediately to devise safe, alternative energy sources that my future offspring can safely consume. If we don't develop new fuels now, there will be none left for those who issue from my loins to burn and continue to burn for all time. I don't want my 625-odd great-grandchildren to have to wait 20 or 30 precious seconds for their toilets to flush. I don't want their 3,125 children to live in a hellish society where they cannot own their own snowmobiles. And I shudder to think that my 15,625 great-great-great-grandchildren may not be able to have TVs in every room that they can leave on all day and all night. Is it our right to deny my progeny of their gargantuan RVs and motorboats, as well? Of course not.

We cannot, in good conscience, lay such a burden on tomorrow's generations of Melfords. My children are the future. And at the end of the day, isn't it family—my family—that truly matters.

A Sure Sign the World's in the Toilet...or is it just our heads?

So I've been trying to find a psychiatrist in Los Angeles, I need to get these meds adjusted. The anxiety has started to distort my world and is causing me quite a bit of misery. Ron's not having a good time with it, either. In my quest for a prescribing doctor, I've discovered that getting an appointment before next year is like trying to find a pearl earring at the bottom of the ocean. It seems that the majority of Los Angeles area and surrounding counties is on some sort of anti-depressant. I wonder if it's a West Coast thing because there are so many pansy, emotionally sensitive artists living here. We all need a boost in our sagging self esteem during these increasingly difficult times. I'm sure the United States as a whole is dotted with many mentally struggling individuals, hell I've read it on so many blogs! I find it alarming that there are so many people who can't cope without the help of drugs, prescribed or not, myself included. What the fuck is going on?? Is the world really that shitty?

I think it has to do with the fact that emotional disorders are indeed hereditary and are often passed on down the line, unbeknownst to parents. Many just don't think that far ahead. Maybe they think their fantastic and amazing parental skills will somehow erase the generations of mental illness. It's this delusional thinking that's contaminated the gene pool with so many head cases. We are all suffering from some mass Stockholm Syndrome, our captor being our own fucked up minds.

It's time to pick up the phone and try yet another doctor, one I went to about 10 years back. He might be able to squeeze me in by Thanksgiving. He must be patting himself on the back plenty, with all those hundred dollar bills, for getting into his chosen profession. It looks like we're always going to need ourselves a good head shrinker.

It's more phun with photoshop!

Sometimes cute baby pictures need a little help.

BWAH! I know... Juvenile... Speaking of which...

I think the "Towlie Eyes" are a nice touch, don't you? I'm sorry, I just had to...

Beautiful example of your tax dollars at work

I just love The Onion. I always forget about it. Guess it's time to add it to my lil' 'ol sidebar.

This one my me cry I laughed so hard... Oh man, I'm wiping the tears away right now. Ssshit... *whew* Okay, gotta get to work now. Just had to share.

Start July right, with a nice uneven burn

Ron and I finally made it to the beach this past Sunday. It was a great day, 'cept for all of the annoying people of course. It's been a hot week and that sent most of the huge population of Los Angeles to the coast. I wonder what the hoards must have looked like from the sky as they moved in and darkened the edges, peppering the water. We tried to make it an early day, arriving at about 10:30 a.m. It's best to get there as early as possible before every ounce of parking is sucked up. Get there at noon and you're screwed. Next week we plan on getting there by 9 a.m. so as to be out of there by the time the place is overrun.

It was good to get out and exercise tolerance for my fellow human beings. I didn't do toooo bad, but could have done better. I could have saved the loud remarks about all the yuppie clone families pushing huge strollers. Strollers. Strollers, everywhere strollers. And screeching contributions. Then there were the loud teenagers, including the ones shouting to each other over our table while we were trying to have breakfast. I know, eating at a bar and grill at the BEACH, we've gotta expect the entitled local asshole teenagers to be all over the place. This group had to split up because they were too big for the tables. So one group sat at the table to the right of us, one group to the left of us. It would have been okay if they had sorted their shit before they sat down. But no... They had to bellow across our table.

I'd had enough after a couple of exchanges and yelled, "Do you HAVE to shout over our HEADS?! FUuuuck!"

Nothing but blank stares. No 'sorry', no nothing. At least they shut up...for a little while. They were drinking, and like I said, it's way too much to expect at a BAR.

Oh yes, and to the other side of us? A father with three chillun. They were quiet for the most part. I can block out their loud little voices if they're not saying something obnoxious like, "EEEEewwww, I don' LYKE EHGGZ! Youuu ead it! I don' WUH-NUH ead dit!" That was actually last week...

I couldn't help but notice the one little girl, she looked about four, tear open some sugar packets and start to gingerly sprinkle them all over the floor around her chair. It only took dad about two packets to notice and then quietly tell her to stop... To which she responded by tearing open another packet *behind her back* and sprinkling as much as she could back there. I don't think dad noticed at all that time. I had to turn back to Ron before I went over there myself and did what my mom would have done to me. Deliberate disobedience like that made my mom furious. She'd have yanked my arms out and grabbed those sugar packets, then while giving me a good stinging pinch under the chin she'd hiss at my face through clenched teeth, "You stop that RIGHT NOW, you hear me? Don't you DARE disobey me again!"

Ah, but who in the hell wants to get caught disciplining their children these days? It's so...so...uncool. They have to pretend that it doesn't bother them. I guess I have to do that as well. Ron really hates it when I get all bitchy about the kids. Gawd, I'm only 32 and young people are pissing me off so much. If I continue this way, I'll end up isolating myself. That's not good at all. I'm already feeling very lonely, though I'm surrounded by thousands of people. It's called 'crazy' when that starts to happen.

So yea... Uhm... The beach. Yes, the beach was nice because the weather was gorgeous. It was the perfect summer day. We found a spot a little further behind the growing crowd at the water line and laid out our old towels. It wasn't long before we needed to visit the water and we couldn't believe how warm it was. "Warm" in California means it's over 60 degrees. If it hits 69-70 it's like bathwate, that usually doesn't occur until late August. But we were happy not to have to endure the numb feet and legs while trying our best to get used to it. I don't do well with the freezing water anymore and would much rather just skip the swim if it means I won't have a heart attack when a wave crashes over my shoulders.

Sunday was great though... Ron did some boogie boarding while I swam out past the waves to do a few laps back and forth. Then we laid out some before heading back into the water for refreshment. I'm surprised Ron didn't mow down a few kids while he was boarding, I saw a few close calls. I watched one kid ducked under the waves just as Ron zoomed overhead with this look of sheer joy on his face. It was cute. I'm glad I didn't board though, I probably would have shaved some heads and backs.

We'd had enough by about 3:30 and gathered ourselves to go. On the ride home we discovered that during all the people watching, swimming and laying out, we hadn't reapplied the sunblock enough. We're now sporting the blotchy, uneven burned look of stupid tourists. Yes, I was sure to have Ron spray it on my many scary back moles, but didn't get my legs enough. I also didn't get my stomach or the cavernous gap between my boobs. I've even got spray marks, it's beautiful. I guess I'll have to work on evening things out next time. I've also made an appointment at the dermatologist so that I can get those dark back moles taken care of, I'm starting to worry.

Trying to sleep that night with krispy legs was fun. I kept waking myself up every time I moved. The aloe gel was soothing to put on at first, but the discomfort would come when it dried, leaving the skin tight and sticky. Yea, pulling my legs apart when they stuck together was like having my skin peeled off. I'm so thankful for the air conditioning, which we had to leave on that night or we'd have burst into flames. Ahhh...sunburn...brings me back. I can't do this to myself anymore though, it's really not worth it. Not to mention how rediculous it looks.

Next week we're going to make a point to go out again. Maybe I can keep my nasty comments to myself and quit complaining. It's pointless and just makes me all the more miserable. Just let it go of the anger and ignore it. Until next time I let go of the dental floss leash that holds my emotions in "check".

Feeling out of place

I know...more pictures of my cat! What did you expect? Since I seem to be lacking excitment in my life lately, I decided to bring Stanley to work yesterday. My boss is on vacation so my animal loving coworker and I decided to have another pet day. That's lovley coworker posing with him, she's such a sweetie. I love that she adores animals as much as I do. She has a dog and a rabbit at home.

The last time I brought Stan to work with me was about five years ago, when my ex-boss was out of town on business and I was left alone at the office for a few weeks. When Stanley was a teenaged kitty, he had much more energy and curiosity so he seemed to enjoy exploring the large office building. Well, he'll be nine years old this coming October so he's becoming an old hair man... He's entering the old homebody stage, set in his ways. He felt nervous and out of place all day, didn't touch his food or water until I brought it over to his comfort spot under my desk, where he spent the majority of the day. I did bring him to the upstairs office once to see what he'd do, but he just cowered under the main desk, in between all the wires and crap. The server happens to be under that desk so I had to get him out of there...cat hair in the computer system spells future disaster for sure.

No more outings for kitty, unless he has no choice... He's okay with being indoors most of the time. I do let them outside on the weekends occasionally, but they rarely spend too much time out there. They're usually back inside napping after only about an hour.

So what else is new in my boring life? Well, I must say I happen to be feeling a little out of place with my friends. More like one friend, really... Okay, so I've been avoiding Fakebook, right? I've been trying anyway. I go to visit the few friends I like on there and that's been it. Maybe play a few games or take some stupid quizzes, not too much. I try to avoid looking at things that might upset my rediculously delicate feelings. This morning I saw it again. More pictures from that Liza chick showing the 4th of July 'celebration'. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, except for the fact that once again my 'best' friend Melanie was in them. Yea... The one I emailed and called on Friday to see what they were doing for the 4th. The one who didn't return my call all weekend, then returned my email on Monday apologizing for not calling me back, adding that she'd spent the weekend not doing much but sunning herself. I know, get over it right? So what if Melanie wants to hang out with 'the gang'. I'm not invited anymore. All those 'mutual friends' I thought Melanie and I had are really just friends with Melanie. They don't give a flying shit about me.

I realize Melanie is not in a good place in her life right now. The poor thing is losing her job in less than a month (she's known she was laid off for five months now), she's living with a boyfriend who is very difficult (we're going through very similiar relationship issues, actually, 'sept he won't marry her) and she's just had a shitty year altogether and is burnt the hell out. I can't help but wonder if I'm just a reminder of bad times to her. I wonder if that's the reason she seems to be avoiding me... Not returning my calls or emails for days and such. Really, I'm not contacting her a lot at all. I'm totally giving her space and respect that she's got a lot going on. I just can't help but feel a little hurt. I guess I'm too much of a jealous person. What is the point? Should I even bother mentioning this to her? I wonder if I'll just throw it out there next time we get together, if it's not too far into the future... "SOooo, what'd you guys end up doin' on the 4th?" She'll probably tell me they went to a party.

It's not a big deal, I know. I just feel so disconnected from everything lately. I guess I could try to get off my ass and contact people...they just seem to be moving on with their lives without me. I should get used to it. That's how life works. It's happened to me before, friends come and go, sometimes it's the same people. You'll disconnect for years and then something brings you together.

Hell, it's time to get back to my work. I need to concentrate on my tasks and stop worrying endlessly.

Oh yea, one other thing... Chris, if you happen to be reading this, could you please give me a password to your page? Thanks...

Later.

...and in case you're wondering...

I'm doing okay today. The weekend was okay as well. Not good, but not too bad either.

We didn't do anything for the 4th, just went to see 'The Hangover'. Eh. It was funny but a little too over-hyped as usual. It certainly wasn't worth the trip to the theater, full frontal male nudity or not. I really could have lived with not seeing a nasty China man's junk. Have I mentioned that I cannot STAND the theater anymore? As if sitting through the previews isn't bad enough, the damn 20 minutes of pure commercials is way past annoying. Now I have to pay more to watch loads of commercials, it's just wrong. Fuck the movies.

The rest of the weekend was okay, I got some house cleaning done. Whoo. The place is still a cluttered mess, but there's nothing I can do about it. Gotta learn to work around it or go crazy. I don't wanna go crazy... Not this week anyway.

I'd better get on with my work. I have to finish something before the day is done. Bye for now...

Wow, I guess it could be a lot worse

I feel like such a spoiled American woman after reading this...

Joys of A Muslim Woman

by Nonie Darwish


In the Muslim faith a Muslim man can marry a child as young as 1 year old and have sexual intimacy with this child, consummating the marriage by 9.

The dowry is given to the family in exchange for the woman (who becomes his slave) and for the purchase of the private parts of the woman, to use her as a toy.

Even though a woman is abused she can not obtain a divorce. To prove rape, the woman must have (4) male witnesses. Often after a woman has been raped, she is returned to her family and the family must return the dowry. The family has the right to execute her (an honor killing) to restore the honor of the family. Husbands can
beat their wives 'at will' and he does not have to say why he has beaten her.


The husband is permitted to have (4 wives) and a temporary wife for an hour (prostitute) at his discretion. The Shariah Muslim law controls the private as well as the public life of the woman.

In the West World ( America ) Muslim men are starting to demand Shariah Law so the wife can not obtain a divorce and he can have full and complete control of her. It is amazing and alarming how many of our sisters and daughters attending American Universities are now marrying Muslim men and submitting themselves and their children unsuspectingly to the Shariah law.

By passing this on, enlightened American women may avoid becoming a slave
under Shariah Law. Learn more, read: Cruel and Usual Punishment just released in most bookstores. Ripping the West in Two.

Author and lecturer Nonie Darwish says the goal of radical Islamists is to impose Shariah law on the world, ripping Western law an and liberty in two. She recently authored the book, Cruel and Usual Punishment: The Terrifying Global Implications of Islamic Law.

Darwish was born in Cairo and spent her childhood in Egypt and Gaza before emigrating to America in 1978, When she was eight years old, her father died while leading covert attacks on Israel . He was a high- ranking Egyptian military officer stationed with his family in Gaza.

When he died, he was considered a "shahid," a martyr for jihad. His posthumous status earned Nonie and her family an elevated position in Muslim society.

But Darwish developed a skeptical eye at an early age. She questioned her own Muslim culture and upbringing. She e converted to Christianity after hearing a Christian preacher on television. In her latest book, Darwish warns about creeping sharia law -that it is, what it means, and how it is manifested in Islamic countries.

For the West, she says radical Islamists are working to impose sharia on the world. If that happens, Western civilization will be destroyed. In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the U.S. to elect the President!

NN-N-O-O-OO-O-OOOooo!!!

How frightening ignorance can be. Imagine America being in such a position as to be taken over by these horribly backwards beliefs. It's good to pull one's head out of one's own ass occasionally and think about what others have and are going through. It both amazes and boggles my mind that there are beliefs and practices like this that are still at work in the world.

Drowning

Hi. I'm having a hard time again. Not really in the mood to write. Things'er shit-teee. My mom is still in the hospital with a staph infection in her foot from stepping on the eeeensy weeeeensy piece of wire two weeks ago. She's had diabetes for 41 years and now is the time I'm really starting to worry about her. I got off of work early to make the drive to visit her yesterday, that was nice.

The weekend was horrible. I'm working on changing things, but my procrastination and turning a blind eye to what's going on is not helping. I honestly don't know how to deal with Ron anymore. His constant negative attitude, putting people down, putting me down, hating the world, everyone is stupid, everything is unfair... He's going to drink himself to death and I don't wanna hang around and get sucked down with him. That's what's happening. He says he's going to do things and never does because he's too t-i-r-e-d. No one ever does anything for him, no one every gives him anything, he's had to work so hard all his life, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah, blah. Then he turns it around on me... Well, *I* never do the things he asks, why should he do the things I ask? I'm so sick of his never ending circular arguing. I'm realizing that it's NOT me, it's him.

What's really driving me crazy is him saying one thing and doing another. He says he doesn't hate life, but his actions speak otherwise. He is a miserable man and he's dragging me down with him. I know...how many times can I say the same thing? I'm so tired of the constant complaining and negative shit. I am losing my mind and sinking into a terrible depression. I have to do something about it. Going to the couselor tonight to see where to start.

Hell, at least I have work. I feel horrible for saying those awful things about my boss a few months ago. I don't hate her. Sure, she's got a type A personality, can be an obnoxious busy body and likes money, but she's still a good person and she believes in me and trusts me. I'm not going to turn on her anymore, it's the least I can do. I can't lose my job and my freedom, I don't know what I'd do.

Okay, time to think positive...or try. I'm just drowning in my own shit right now and I'm so tired of it.

Silly pictures

I love it when Ron decides to take pictures of me when I'm sleeping. This is a gem from last weekend. I fell asleep on the couch on Friday night. Ron arrives home at midnight or so to find me sacked. That's when he pulls out the camera and starts having fun. Apparently, this is the freaky face I make when he tries to get me to go to bed. I just toss my head n' nod off. Isn't that cute? Hehehe...

Here we have the "toilet art". See the mermaid? Yes, Ron had to take a picture of the random tissue I left in the toilet that night, it happened to take the form of a mermaid. No, that is not piss. I would never post a pic of piss. That's just tissue...

Here we have Stanley submerging his entire head into my glass of water. It was empty, I drank it 'fore I fell asleep. Ron had to get this shot of Stan doing what he does best...scrounging for liquid.
I took this one a while back. I'm not sure if I posted it here before... I think I might have. It's just so cute. Stanley and Henry never cuddle. I think this'll happen more when they get a little older. Henry's only two and Stan is approaching nine. Wow...I can't believe he's almost ten. Muh lil' ol' man.

That's it for now...random uploads from the camera. Have a nice day!

Wake up, America!

I just got this email from my dad.

This guy's youtube video has been so popular that Obama called him personally. He said that he was very disturbed with the video and even invited him to the White House. Obama also said he wanted the White House to handle the Press and not to talk about the video or the White House visit. Interesting...

We the People Stimulus Package

We have become a nation of cowards who bend over backwards for a bunch of dicks who continue to fuck us. Yes, dicks fuck assholes AND pussies! There goes the anger control... AMER-I-KUH, FUHCK YEAH!

The bitch is here

Mrs. P arrived yesterday afternoon. Not a surprise at all, considering my moods last week. Today's outlook is somewhat positive. Gonna keep a good mood this week. Don't think about things that piss me off and/or make me feel guilty, like people asking when we're going to join the parents club (my cousin bugged Ron about it this weekend, seems cousin really wants him to join the misery, I mean, "fun"). Woudn't it be nice if people minded their own fucking business when it comes to these things? Fakebook continues to poke at me and I'm not gonna let that shit get to me, either. I checked it out a little today and tried to have fun. But I have to point out another thing I hate, of course. I can't stand that people I never want to see again keep popping up in the right hand corner. The perfect blonde bitch from swim team, the asshole from biology class... Today I saw my ex's perverted loser best friend, holding a loaf (baybeee) that may very well be his. OH goody! Isn't it fun to watch all the losers breed?! Ugh...

Nope...not gonna get irritated. Really I'm not. Erasing it from my mind right now. HAH! So there!

At least it's a pretty sunny day out. The last few weeks have been almost solid gloom every day. Maybe we'll be able to hit the beach soon. As I said before, I haven't been camping or to the beach yet and it's getting me down. No one invites me and Ron doesn't want to go, says it's too much work and too expensive to get equipment. If I want to go, I have to do some planning and help get the stuff. No big deal I guess, 'cept for I really suck at planning these things. But I can do anything I put my mind to... Uh-huh... If I really want to go I can put something together. We can't afford any real vacation, which is fine with me, but I'd like a little one soon. We need to have some fun doing something new together.

I had a nice weekend, got some things done for a change. I got up early to take the cats to the vet on Saturday. They needed shots, I skipped them last year and they should have them if I'm going to let them out, even as little as I do. I only let them out on the weekends and usually no longer than a few hours. They always come back inside and hang out anyway, even when the door is wide open! It was funny on Saturday, I only had one good carrier, the other was a cardboard box. That thing did nothing to keep Henry inside. Before I knew it he'd clawed his way out of the top and was roaming the car so I had to take it slow and do side streets. He settled on the floor in the back seat though, it was good. They were very good for the vet, too, as usual. Such good kitties. When I got home I did some other things around the house and then we went to that nice Italian place I'd checked out a few weeks ago. Ron loved it and we had another yummy dinner.

We enjoyed Father's Day yesterday, my parents had a lovely bbq at their house. It was my two brothers, sis-in-law, niece and nephew, parents, Ron and I. There was lots of delicious food and we all had a nice time talking. The guys even got a few poker games in. I was upset to find out that my diabetic mother has yet another infection. I'm actually very worried about her, as she'd just gotten over an infected boo-boo on her left leg from an injury she got while garden shopping last month. Just my mom's luck to bang her shin into the dirty shelf of a flower display. It was full of garden dirt n' shit. That infection lasted three weeks and she's had to go to the doctor to get it cleaned twice a week. So now we come to find out that on Friday night, a little splinter-sized piece of metal wire got stuck in the ball of her foot near the toes. She'd been wearing shoes like a good girl, but the little wire somehow got in and got lodged in place. Being diabetic, she didn't notice it until it started hurting the next day and it was off to urgent care again. Yesterday she insisted on doing so much and we (sis-in-law and I) had to force her to sit and relax so we could do the serving. It was a great dinner and I'm glad I saw my parents again, it'd been almost a month. I'm praying the infection doesn't get horrible and spread. I should get a call later today to see what the doctor has advised...

Oh yes, and Friday we had another Pilates class at my boss' house. She invited me to stay for dinner and it was a lovely time. I'm done being mad at my boss. This is my job right now, it's difficult to find another one. Things really aren't as bad as they could be. My boss really isn't the horrible bitch I made her out to be. I mean, yea, she is kinda greedy and can be annoying (hey, she totally admits she's annoying at times) but hell, it really could be so much worse. I've earned what I get. If I want more, I have to work to get it. Life's not fair, deal with it.

Negative Me

What better way to illustrate the way I've been feeling about myself. I felt better yesterday though, it was pretty good for a Monday. It was a busy day at work and I had a great jog for the first time in months. I'm usually dragging myself through workout these days and was surprised at the amount of energy I had.

I'm wondering if the Mrs. P is on her way, as I felt really down this past weekend and slept for most of it again. The end of last week was pretty good. The Lord of the Rings play turned out to be a parody that was quite funny and enjoyable. Then we had Pilates at my boss' house on Friday after work. She's set it up so all three of us can have regular exercise and the company pays for it. So that was nice... But the constant grey weather we've been having for the past two weeks hasn't helped. I know, complaining about the weather again...I'm so predictable. Sunday I had another anxiety attack over housework, much to Ron's dismay. I did what I usually do, started a million things at once, got overwhelmed and freaked out.

It made Ron really mad and I don't blame him. It must be very frustrating to watch your wife move everything (bird cages, cat boxes, trash can, some furniture) out onto the patio, come back in and do dishes, move on to start vacuuming one area, go to the bathroom and start dumping the trash, spray the toilet down with scrubbing bubbles (he went to take a shit and nearly fell off the toilet) and leave that to open the hall closet door and start raving about what a cluttered mess it is, slam that door and pick up the guitar stand and ask where the hell it's gonna go, all the while sighing and carrying on like a spoiled brat. I wonder what the neighbors thought of me yelling, "But I DOOO clean the bird poop off the doors, I DO! SO WHAT if I miss a little sometimes, I ALWAYS FUCKING DOOOO IIIITTTT!!!" I really can't believe he stayed calm for as long as he did. It's only when I started the hysterics that he lost it and yelled at me to calm the fuck down and to do one thing at a time. Then he actually started helping again. He really has been doing better at keeping his shit neater, it's just NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR PSYCHO.

The good thing is that we both apologized for our behavior right away, which is new. I didn't sit and protest like I usually do, I put myself in his place. I understand that I am too crazy about cleaning and that it doesn't have to be perfect like I want it. It's never going to be. I just have to learn to live with it. If I want that many pets in that small of a space, I'm going to have to deal better.

I'm not trying hard enough. I received the therapy book last Thursday and I have yet to crack it open. Artwork still evades me. Every time I think of sitting down to work on the small paintings I dread it. It's so stupid, I don't know why I'm not in any sort of mood to do it. I just can't get out of this stupid funk. It's probably because deep down, I don't want to. I don't have the energy. EVERYTHING BUGS ME.

ARGH! I just had another shitty phone conversation with Ron. He keeps picking on me again. It's the little things. I can't do anything right. I don't think enough for him. He really seems to have some major control issues... Is that it? It's making me CRAZY, whatever the fuck it is.

Arugula Poops

Last night I needed a salad in a bad way. My pipes were clogged and I had to administer some 'natural' Draino on the system before it harded any more. No, not laxitives... I like my asshole where it is, thanks. I decided to get a salad on the way home. At first I was going to be a good girl and get a few ready-made salads at the market. Then I thought about how I really didn't feel like dealing with shopping, which is often the case. Randomly deciding to stop by Melanie's house on the way home quickly destroyed those plans anyway. Some days I like to take the long way home and her house is right in the middle of the route. She's usually not home at the time I drive by, but yesterday her car was there.

Turns out she had a doctor's appointment and got to come home early. So we chatted for about a half an hour, talking about our weekends and such. I didn't let her know I would have liked to have gone camping, as I have to let that shit go. I just suggested we go camping soon, as I'd like to have a pleasant experience this time. It's easy to talk to Melanie, she's always kinda grounded me. It was a relaxing conversation that soon ventured onto the topic of pooping problems. Like women often do, we discussed our ongoing weight battles and the obstacles we face in trying to keep the bulge at bay. We got to talking about salads and Melanie reminded me of a nice Mediterranean/Italian restaurant that's right down the street from my apartment. I'd last gone there with the ex about six years ago and loved their eggplant parmesian. She told me they had a fantastic arugula and goat cheese salad that I should try. Mmm...goat cheese... It wasn't long until my tummy started growling and I headed home.

When I arrived home, I parked in the garage and then hopped out of the car to walk the two blocks to the restaurant. Upon entering I was pleasantly surprised, the place looked like it had been redone. Come to think of it, I think it was actually a different, less fancy Italian restaurant back when I'd last visited. Well, the new owners did a great job. I ordered my food to go, but the environment was so warm and inviting that I wanted to stay and have a glass of wine while waiting for my mushroom soup and arugula salad. It really helped that it was a Tuesday evening and the place was nearly empty.

The host asked if I wanted a glass of water while I was waiting and I took that as I sign and agreed to some water and a glass of wine. Next thing ya know, he's bringing me some bread with my water n' wine. The water's got a lemon in it...tasty... Then I get my food, all boxed up nicely and ready to go. But I'm not done with my wine and I'm enjoying myself now. I finish the delicious bread and decide to just go ahead and eat my food there. The nice host offers to put my salad on a plate, brings me more water, puts my soup in a bowl... Then I order one more glass 'o wine to go with the food. It was so nice and quiet as I sat there grazing on the salad. I felt the stress slowly melting away. A few minutes later an older man came in talking to himself. I thought he had a bluetooth in his ear, but it turns out he was talking to himself. He sat down, ordered and continued on with his in depth conversation.

"Damn cat, always walking on me at 2 and 3 a.m."

"What are they gonna do in those skinny jeans?"

"How well does he know this country?"

"Really, well what do you say I do about these warts?"

Nice entertainment, I must say. I wonder if he was talking to his dead wife. The mind has interesting ways of coping. The host and waiter kept coming by, asking if everything was okay. I realize that they'd succeeded in their plot to make me stay and spend more money, but hell if I didn't enjoy it. I made sure to tell them both that I'd be back with my husband soon. I have to get Ron to join me soon, I think he'd enjoy it very much. We need a new place to go and this place was a pleasant surprise. It's been right around the corner all this time. I love it when I discover things like that. So my meal was twice as much as I'd planned, who cares. I enjoyed it and that's all that matters.

After my glorious meal, I took my leftover soup and walked home. By the time I walked through the door it was about 8:30, too late the let the birdies out to play. Oh well, they need in-cage nights a few times a week. I was suddenly in a Mike Patton mood, so I turned on the poe-puter and checked out some YouTube vids for a while. Aaahhh...

Oh yea, another thing... In all my 25 years or so of aquarium keeping, I've never once bought a test kit to check my water chemistry. Well, as the salt tank ages, it's important for me to start keeping track of these things. Better safe than sorry, especially when I start getting a few of the more expensive corals. So last night I pulled out my newly acquired test kit and checked the four major perameters that need to be kept under control; pH, ammonia, nitrite and nitrate. Everything was perfect. The tank is now 15 months old (heh, my "baby" is getting older!) and the 5 gallon weekly water changes have kept things going strong. Yay. I know, the things that are exciting to a fish nerd.

What a nice, random Tuesday night. I'm kinda glad Ron works nights sometimes. It's nice to have the freedom to do whatever random shit I want on any given evening... Tomorrow night I'm going to a musical with the two girls Cathy(ie). It's the Lord of the Rings musical. I never was a fan of LOTR, but I figure a musical on stage should be interesting. Let's see what they do without all that computer animation. Hey, I can make fun of it if all else fails...and it'll be nice to see the Cathy(ie)s again.

Yay for random evenings! And yay for arugula poops in the morning!

Craptastic

Yay. I've almost made it through another day. It's been decent, at least it's somewhat busy at work and I have things to do. Full time hours, too...don't forget that. All the things I used to take for granted... And hey, I've got my physical health for now. I should feel good about that. I was able to go jogging yesterday. It wasn't as miserable as I thought it would be.

See how the bad thoughts take over when I let them? What is it, every other week now? I know it's rediculous to carry on like that, but some days I just have to whine. That's what this unlimited server space is for, right? Rambling on about my endless insecurities. I think I should stay away from Fakebook and networking sites in general. Well, I try to keep it at a minimum anyway. There ARE some nice people on there who care.

What helps me is the fact that I am not alone. I try to think about it like that and it helps me feel better, at least for a little while. Moving on until I have another attack of the emotions...

In other exciting news, I finally went to the dentist after 8 years. I only have two cavities to fill... I've never had a cavity filled in my life and I'm 32. Not bad, I must say. I do need a deep cleaning of course, made my first appointment for mid-July. Before then I'd like to get this lousy permanent retainer out from behind my bottom front teeth. It's been in there for almost 17 years and it needs to go so I can keep those teeth clean. I've started flossing regularly again in the past six months and the damn retainer makes it impossible to get to those teeth.

I also need an implant. My front left bicuspid never came in and I've had a fake tooth for almost 20 years. First it was a fake tooth attached to braces and then a fake tooth on a retainer, which I've had ever since. I've replaced the retainer since, but it's time for another new one. Of course the dentist brought up an implant, but that shit is so expensive! I'd rather just keep the retainer, it's a great party trick and scares this shit out of unsuspecting people when you pop out your tooth at 'em. The thing is, the gum around the adjacent tooth is starting to recede so I'm going to have to do something about it pretty soon. I found out a bridge is out of the question now that the receding gum has made the one anchor tooth a little loose. Hell... I figure I'll start with the deep cleaning, get the cavities filled and go from there. At least I finally made it to the dentist.

The next thing I need to do is get these dark moles burnt off before we start going to the beach this summer. I've got two on my back and two on my face that I really want to take care of. They're potentially dangerous and I don't want to expose them to any more sun.

I've got another therapist appointment this Thursday. I was supposed to go last week but canceled it due to lack of funds. I know it's important, but I just don't want to spend my money on it. I have all these other things going on and now that I'm working full time hours again, I want to save! Ugh... Hopefully I'll get my book before the appointment so I can start reading so we can discuss it. Maybe I can get him to cut the price a little, too. Damnit if I didn't find a good therapist OUTSIDE my insurance again. I want to deal with this crap on my own, without meds and without a therapist. HAH! Who am I kidding?

Alright, time to get back to things. Later...

Mornings are bad...

Especially Monday mornings, that's when the pit in my gut feels the worst. I'm feeling a little bit better now that the day is almost over. I'm so dreading going jogging after work. I don't enjoy it anymore. It's just another thing I have to do to get through the day before I can go home and eat and sleep, my two favorite things to do lately. I know I'm going downhill. As always, some days are better than others. Today is not so good. I must exercise so that I don't feel completely worthless.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Just think about so many others who have it way worse than I do. Hell, I don't even have it 'bad'. I'm just a big, whining baby. I'm done whining for now.

Suddenly feeling Monday

Lots of things bothering me and overtaking my mind at the moment, especially after looking at Fakebook. I need to stay away from that place, it's just a painful reminder of what a loser I am.

1. Cousin Mark's stupid wife popped out the kid this weekend. Feeling all angsty and weird about it. Letting myself feel bad. Why? I have to get over it. Now every time someone pops I have to get used to them asking when it's going to happen for us. Ron has reassured me. He said this weekend that he'd like one, but it's just too late. That's his reasoning...it's too late. He's being very good about it, really. I feel bad because I'm always sure to slap him upside the head with angry-toned comments like, "There's no way in hell I'd have the patience for that!" or "You and I would make terrible parents." or "Who is stupid enough to want to raise kids in this fucked up world?!" He agrees with these things but always tells me to calm down and let it go. I have to listen to him or it will remain an issue forever. I just want to get over it but I'm doing a terrible job of trying.

2. I want to go camping. Melanie went with that chick Liza and the group again this weekend. Liza has posted her happy fun in the sun pics, of course. Melanie isn't mad at me, by the way. I made it into a big thing in my head as usual. We got together for a bit on Friday night to exchange birthday gifts, it was nice. She told me how she and Ivan were going to do an overnight camp the next day. I was like, "Oh really? Cool..." on the outside, but kinda sad on the inside again. I wish I could have been there, but my husband and I don't like the group anyway. We only like Melanie. Why can't I just move on from this?

3. I'm so happy for my friend Kim because she's having a blast training horses. Her barn is all up and running and she trains children to ride horses. It's such a wonderful and fulfilling job, perfect for her. She worked so hard to get there and I'm very happy for her. She posted some more pictures of the Dressage show she had over the weekend. Again, I wanted to be there. I commented and said I wanted to go to the next one and she responded right away, telling me the next show is on the 20th. I plan to go, but I'll probably have to go without Ron again. He's never going to meet these people and I want him to so badly... Anyway, I'm gonna go, but this stupid jealousy is going to nag me. I'm going to wish that I had the tenacity and the drive to do what Kim is doing. I'm going to wish I could move there and help her with the business. But no, I'm stuck here.

4. My friend Trya (actually, more Melanie's friend from work, we just all hang out every now and again) finally married the father of her child last year after some drama. Anyway, her husband added me and wanted to use my art skills. He asked me to design a tattoo for him and said he'd pay me. It took me a week, but I did a first sketch and emailed it to him. He never answered my email. A week later I sent it again, and noted on Fakebook that I'd emailed him and asked if he ever got it. No answer again. Today I see he posted his brand new tattoo, designed by someone else. That's fine, but really... He could have at least answered my email. Asshole.

So why do I let all these stupid things bring me down on myself? Feels like everyone else is having a blast while I'm at home watching tv, sleeping and getting drunk and stoned like a fucking loser. I have to get out of this cycle. It's not Ron's fault, it's mine. I don't want to do anything. I feel powerless and worthless. I hate my life and I made it this way. Why can't I just be happy? Why does this horrible jealousy have such a grip on me? I cant' stop. I don't want to stop. I just want to give up. I hate myself.