On with the show

I'm still at work, even though my boss said I could go home early. This is a sad state of affairs...why in the hell am I still here? Well, because I brought my sketchbook in today because my boss was going to be out of the office most of the day and I wanted to use his scanner to finally get some of my paper sketches onto the 'puter. I really need to invest in a scanner for home...

Anyway, here are some of my doodle pages. I've been doodling like this since I was very little. Just sit me down with some paper and a pen or pencil and I am entertained for hours. Just drawing whatever comes into my warped little mind. Today's theme is "Doodles done on my work notes pages"

This is from when I worked at an asphalt maintenance company back in 1999.

These are from when I worked at a telecomm company in 2002-2003.

And this was an ongoing work while I was temping at some company (I don't remember the name, there were so many) back in 2000.

My mind does wander, doesn't it...

Yea

It's Friday. I'm so glad... I'm tired as hell today, too. My cousin Nick (the brother of my cousin, Mark) is in town for a week and we got together last night at a bar. It was me, Nick, Mark, my brother Steve and his friend Ben. I wish Ron could have been there, it was so much fun! We did what is exepected, got all shitfaced and talked about old times. It was great seeing Nick again, I hope he moves back to LA... He moved to Minnesota with my uncle about ten years ago. It'd be awesome if he came back.

So, I've been thinking, I'm gonna start a new rule with my blogging. I've made the mistake of trying to latch onto other groups, leaving notes for people in other REALLY POPULAR bloggers comments sections. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm not gonna try to play their fucking games if they're just going to ignore me. I'm gonna be ME and write about my life and not give a flying fuck who reads it. Who CARES how many "hits" I get, or whatever. This is NOT a contest...even though I've entered another button contest in another feeble attempt to get some looks... But still, I've been doing this wrong. I need to go through blogs and try to find ones that I'm really interested in and comment there. I'm through jumping up and down in the backround yelling, "lookit me!" "lookit me!" No really, I am. I just get intimidated and envious when I look at these people's blogs. Why do I feel so self conscious?? That's so lame of me. This is supposed to be fun and it's making me feel bad.

No more. Like my few, nice readers have told me before... I just need to keep it up and enjoy it. That's what I'm gonna do. I'll continue doing my own thing. I shouldn't forget that I do have REAL friends online and offline. When it comes down to it, I have much more going on in my life than to have to fret about what strangers think, say or don't say.

Blurb

Oh yea... And I wanted to thank the few of you who have left me nice comments. I really enjoy getting a little bit of feedback here and there. Especially after my little whine fest a few weeks ago.

I know I'm too sensitive, but I kinda bothers me when I leave people comments and they just ignore me. But I've been known to take things the wrong way. I guess I'm not really up on the blogger...um...social principles? At least I'm better than I was in the beginning. I can be a real catty bitch sometimes (I think that's kind of inherent in women, in' it?) and in one of my first diary entries I ragged on this one diarist in an extremely rude and insensitive manner. In an ENTRY. Not a note...not a comment... She was on my "list of reads"....one of the first diaries I'd ever read. Well, her friends came back at me...but very politely. They shamed me. Then the actual person I'd dogged wrote me a nice comment, wishing me a happy birthday! That sent my foot right into my mouth, down my throat and out my ass. Needless to say, I changed the entry and then wrote another entry apologizing profusely for my BAD bad manners. She was very gracious toward me for a while after that. A lesson in humility!

But yea...I know that just because I wanna be your friend or, in this case...uh...blogger buddy? Internet cohort? Doesn't mean you gotta be mine. As I've been told, these things take time and patience. What does it matter anyway? In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't.

I appreciate the support, though. I'm not gonna make this a career or anything, but it's a lot of fun to write about shit and get feedback. It's still pretty new to me, as you know. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that people make money doing this. I guess I'm a bit of a simpleton when it comes to computers. I saw that Dooce had opened up her comments a few days ago and HOLY SHIT...over 1500!!! Wow! It's awesome that she's come so far in five years.

I am just a very down to earth person (when I'm not being a catty bitch, shame on me!) and will never become any sort of celebrity because I can't stand them as a whole. I couldn't handle it and I just don't have it in me. I'm not a performer, just a weirdo. I mentioned in a post a long time ago that I can't stand arrogance and even the hint of pretentiousness. It drives me insane. I don't need a fucking hoard of devoted followers. Just some nice people.

So thanks, nice people. BIG, friendly smile to ya!

Birdy play date

What a great time I had last night. I visited Paul (my friend Marguerite's 12 yr. old autistic brother) and brought Punkin' and Pickles along. Paul has his own cockatiel named Gloria and so we had a birdy play date. We've done this about five times now, and it's so much fun! Paul had never met Punkin' and loved how she flew around the room. He laughed and laughed when she'd come flying at me, landing in my hair! His little Gloria is so beautiful, sweet and sooo tame! She's not a normal grey cockatiel like his last one...she's what's called a cinnamon pearl mutation. This is not his bird, but she looks a lot like this...



Such a gorgeous girl. Always preening herself. She mostly just sat there on Paul's or my shoulder and watched my birds fly around like, "What in the fuck are these things? They're so LOUD and obnoxious!" Cockatiels are laid back birds. Of course they all have different personalities and some are more rambuncious than others, but cockatiels in general are gentle and calm. Why didn't I get one of those instead of my very energetic lovebirds and parrotlet? Because I think they're boring and common. Lovebirds are very common too, lots of people have them. This is due to the fact that they are prolific as hell, beautiful (the normals are lovely and then you have the many gorgeous mutations) and fairly cheap. But many people who have lovebirds don't have the patience to tame them and usually keep them in an aviary or in pairs in a large cage. An older lovebird is a bit of a challenge to tame. I guess my point is, I like the challenge...

Yea.

And it's cool to have at least one tame lovebird. It makes having the untame one much easier. Untame Punkin' has become very attached to tame Pickles, as lovebirds do, and follows him around everywhere. Pickles loves to fly to me, as I've been training him to do it and rewarding him much of the time with a generous serving of millet seed...or what I like to call, birdie pot. So last night, Pickles flies to my shoulder or I pick him up and next thing I know Punkin' is landing on my head, shoulder or chest. Works out well!

Anyway, last night was a lot of fun. Paul's parents ordered Chinese and it was fabulous. They just remodeled a few rooms in the house as well. I've been to that house so many times over the years and it's so cool to watch it change for the better. They have great taste. The t.v. room, where we ate dinner, used to be this tiny tiny room. Now it's expanded and they have a gorgeous new HD t.v. in there. So we watched the tail end of a cheesy movie (Armogeddon...OH the cheese) while we ate dinner. I was also able to tell Paul that I don't like the phone calls every single night. He had started that again and I didn't have the heart to tell him over the phone. I wanted to tell him in person. I told him that I don't like talking on the phone very much in general, that I'm happy to be his friend and really enjoy talking to him, but could we talk maybe once or twice a week instead... Maybe give ME a chance to call him. He was very sweet about it and as far as I could tell, his feelings weren't hurt at all. I always worry over confrontations! Even with a little boy!!

A funny thing happened on the way home. I was driving along and I looked to my left to change lanes and BEHOLD...



Hehehehe! Wasn't I just blathering on about these little guys yesterday?? Yup, little guy was crawling up my driver's side window. So I rolled it down just enough to stick my arm out to pluck 'im off the window. I put him on top of my steering wheel and watched as he slowly crawled toward the two o'clock position. Yes, I am easily amused. By the time we got home, he was already past that point and had left a beautiful slimy trail on my steering wheel cover. I put him in a bush and went in the house to get a wet cloth to wipe down my wheel. Eww... Snail trails are NOT cute.

Okay, that's about it for now. It's Thursday and I've got to make some more collection calls. PAY UP, BASTARDS!!!

Snailz

While jogging last night, I came across a snail all curled up in its shell right in the middle of the sidewalk. A prime squish candidate. I gently picked it up and tossed it in the nearby bushes. I did this because, well, I have a weird confession to make...I think snails are cute. I know, I know... My love of critters goes above and beyond mere mammals. It's a sickness.

When I was a little girl I would sometimes collect snails in plastic cups, much to my mother's disgust. "Why in the hell can't you be like NORMAL little girls and like horses and play with dolls?!", she would exclaim in frustration when she'd come across one of my "collections". The "Snailville" I'd created in a shoebox and hidden under my bed was enough to make my parents seriously consider therapy. Ah, but that would come later in life...

So this is my tribute to my little slimey buddies, the snails... With their cute little eye stalks that retract when you touch them with the tip of your finger. I used to love to watch as the stalk extended again...the tiny black dot would magically appear..."boop"...at the end.

Oh, and I mustn't forget my pals, the rollie pollies. Sow bugs. Little crustaceans that live under rocks. They didn't do so well in my shoebox society, as I didn't know what exactly it was that they ate. But they were sure fun to "roll" down my toilet paper tube of fun. Uroll 'em and tape a few together and you've got an amazing rollie pollie slide! Put the buggers in a glass of water, or even your water-filled baton, and watch them crawl along. Amazing! They can "breathe" under water!!

There you have it, a disgusting bit of my childhood. I just HAD to share...

Myspace, will you be my friend?

I'm posting from the comfort of my home putie tonight. It's all pitter pattery with rain on muh roofie. I gots me a stogie (ciggie) and I'm listening to "Scary Movie Too" on Comedy Cenniatral. Yea. It's good. Ron is gonna be home soon and we're gonna go out to Margarite Monday at the local Mexi 'raunt. Mmmmmm margies!!! If ya wanna make something sound cute, just put an "ie" at the end of it. Poopie, crunchie, birdie, buggie, boobie, Stanie, Picklie, tarantulaie...hehehe, foamie, stovie...okay... I went to the awesome fish store a few blocks from where I work when I got off today. I got me two new little guys, they're a type of cichlid...I forgot the name at the moment. It's orange chromis or something like that. Anyway, it was cool getting new fishies. I haven't for a while. I also got a couple of new plants. They're made of a synthetic type of silk so wave around all realistic like. Then I got the fishies some LIVE bloodworms for a wunnderful treat! Yummy, they're sitting all squirming in a little container in the fridge. Gonna feed them in front of Ron...he'll appreciate that 'fore dinner din.

So I got an email from Lisa today, one of those e-vites to be a "friend" on Myspace.com. This will be the third time I've put a profile up on there. The site kind of intimidates me... I feel a little socially overwhelmed for internet standards. I've decided that I'm being a sensitve dork. It's just a website.

This is my official profile. Nothing exciting... All of the pictures are familiar, humm? Yea so I did it. Whatever. Um, will you be my friend? Hehe...if you happen to have a profile, that'd be cool. Add your name to my HUGE list! HAH! Mmm-hmmm...

Fuck, I've been waiting for Melanie to email me something. I'd better go prod her some. And get ready to goooooooooooo!!!!

Thank you!

I got my two votes! I GOT MY TWO VOTES!!! Hehehe! Thanks you guys. I really 'preciate it. No really, I do. It's at least getting my blog out there a little.

I had a great weekend that included just hangin' with Ron, cleaning my fish tank and lots of sushi. Ron and I went out for sushi last night and stuffed ourselves silly! It was a joyous occasion. Hmmm, fish tank and sushi do not go together in the same sentence.

It's raining today! OH BOY OH BOY! THAT means SNOW!!! THAT means I get to go to the mountains soon to fall on my ass over and over again! Weeee!!!! I'd better have a camera battery by then... Wait, I'm gonna post a reminder on my work calendar right now so I don't forget...there. I'm gonna get one THIS week! YEA!!!! I'm a little excited for a Monday, I don't know why. This is unusual. I'd better put it to work and get done with all the shit I have to do today. It's the end of the month again.

Later!

Niiice one!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Nice

one

Dooce! I love that last one. Very creative!!

Rager

One of these days I'm not gonna be so lucky. I had a little case of road rage this morning. It wasn't so bad, but the little monster...she came out! Let me start out by stating the obvious... LA DRIVERS ARE ASSHOLES! Well, all *other* drivers are assholes, right? It's doesn't matter where you live. I mean, we all know that. All of us with the patience of a badger, that is.

So I'm pulling over to the far left lane to get into the left turn signal lane, right? Well mister dickhead, coming up on my ass at the speed of light, didn't like that I got in front of him. In the span of about 30 feet, he gets out from behind me to go around and squeeze in front of me JUST in time to pull into the turn lane ahead of me. Good job, Mr. Velocity!! EGADS!! No one has an ounce of patience anymore, do they. This pulling in front of me like you're a fucking ambulance on the way to an emergency just PISSES ME the FUCK OFF. It does. That and the fact that people don't seem to know how to use their blinkers anymore...but that's another story. Anyway, what do I do? First my ears get hot. You know the 'ol hot under the collar feeling? Yea. Then I pull up behind the fucker and tap his bumper with mine. *Thump* Now, what in the hell am I thinking, you ask?? Oh, don't worry, I'm not. Thinking that is. I notice out of the corner of my eye that he's getting out of the car. I start fumbling to get my sunglasses outta my purse like I'm oblivious to the whole thing. He gets out, looks at his bumper and gets back into the car. At this point I'm thinking, "See, no damage prickface, just get back in the car and go on your self-important, speedy way!" Then, before I know it, I'm actually SAYING in a somewhat loud voice *out the window* (but not yelling, mind you) "WHUTeverrrrr, ASSHOLE." By this time, the light turns green again and we go. I'm behind him for a few blocks and then he turns. No harm done. Unless he got m plate number and is going to come after me with a machete.

Bad girl, BAD BAD BAD BAD girl. BAD!!! I like scolding myself. It doesn't seem to help though. It's like, yea...I'm a nice person. But I have a nasty temper sometimes. I get so fed up with the world. I have to keep repeating to myself, "Let it slyyyde, let it slyyde, slyyyyde, sah-lyyyyyydde." Like water offa baby's butt, or whatever the hell that saying is.

Much better

Warcrygirl has gone and made it super-duper-ooooper easy for you to vote for me. Instead of going to that link I posted earlier, you can now go

right here

RAH RAH SHISH BOOM BAH!!!! Vote for me!! Yea, that's about it for my cheerleading now. Really it is.

That's what it is...

Boy oh boy oh man oh boy... I was an ANIMAL this weekend! I was a bad girl, yes, but it was nothing a day in bed would not take care of. I'd left work a little early on Friday so that we could get a little bit of a head start. Yea right. Melanie, Tyra and I can't seem to grasp the concept of time constraints. Whatsoever. So a trip that normally takes about four hours took SEVEN AND A HALF in the horrid LA traffic. Good GAWD it was tedious toward the end. It even snowed through part of the drive. The three of us were sitting all stiff and nervous through it because of all the reckless traffic whizzing around us. It's like come ON people, what is your fucking hurry??!! I really don't understand the dumbasses who are completely and totally oblivious to the road conditions.

We finally arrived at 11:00 p.m., kicked off our shoes and kicked off the partying. Lots of snacking, drinking, smoking, music and movies. I suprised myself in that I was able to actually stay awake for three more hours that night. From the way I was feeling on the last leg of the drive, I thought I'd be out after a few beers. Nnnnnope. Melanie's cousin and his roommates were fantastic hosts and kept us entertained.

The next morning we rolled outta bed just before Melanie's bowling tournament at noon. It was at the New Orleans hotel. Tyra and I watched some of the bowling and then headed down to the slots where I lost $40 and Tyra WON $250. It sucks to sit next to a winner. Even if ya are happy for them, it's always nice to win something. I'm gonna whine now...*sigh* I NEEeeeeeeeeever win ANYthing!! WAHHH!!! (scroll down from this entry and go to Warcrygirl's Feb 22nd entry, where you can vote for ME to win duh button!!) *hint* *hint* The slots lost their zeal in the first hour we played. At least we had some beer though. Mighty expensive beer. So after about an hour and a half of brain numbing slots (doodle-dee-doodle-dee-ring-ring-rint-ring-doodle-dee...those things make such annoying sounds), beers and cigarettes we went back to the bowling tournament and watched Melanie finish up.

After bowling it was home to change and go out for a night on the town. YEA!! Night on the moh-fukken town in VEGAS maaaaaan!!!! *ahem* We played pool. Melanie's cousin was out and so we went out with his two roommates and played pool. All of us were tired of the strip so we made it a whatever night. And whatever is just what we did. It included much more drinking and smoking...then back to the house for more of the same and some games of dominos and cards. All fucking night long. Oh yes, and how can I forget to mention that I started acting like a total ass... I didn't drink so much (I usually monitor myself quite well so that I can continue to drink and not pass out in a pile o' puke, proud drunk that I am) that I don't remember what went down with my bad self. I should say, with my bad JACKASS self. Ya see, they had this chair with wheels and this stool with wheels. I look at those things and think immediately, "Entertainment!" So I sat down on that wheelie chair, put my feet up on that wheelie stool and proceeded to scoot myself, caterpillar style, all over the room. Over and over again. Melanie got it on camera. In all my glory. After that I got a pen and paper and doodled the night away. I wish I would have brought those pictures home, some of them were insane! I have no idea what time I finally passed out on the couch, but it was after daylight.

We only got to rest a little bit on Sunday before we had to get on the road. Melanie had been smart and gone to bed BEFORE daybreak because she had one more bowling game that morning. Plus she was the one who was to drive us all home, bless her heart. I tell ya, I had forgotten the meaning of complete and total exhaustion...I mean COMPLETE and TOTAL, man. The drive home was misery as I'm terrible at sleeping in the car. Sure, I got a few winks in...but I couldn't get my head comfortable. Thirty-five pillow positions later, I give up and stay (sorta) awake to keep Melanie company. Tyra was out in the backseat almost the entire time.

I guess that's about it. Nothing too terribly exciting, but fun nontheless. I already talked about Monday...there really wasn't much to say. I slept. And missed Ron. Okay, I'm out for now...gotta finish my work so I can go shopping on the way home.

Warm cuddly pubbles to ya...

Are ya rootin'?

Please, go

here

, scroll down to the poll on February 22nd and vote for me. Even one or two votes would be nice. I don't expect to win. Still fun to play though! Thanks...

OOoUuuch

Still recovering from the weekend. It's a very very good thing I took yesterday off, I really needed it. I slept all day. Of course I hated getting up to go to work this morning....with every fiber of my being. I am not a happy camper today. I still feel like shit.

I hated leaving Ron this morning, and cried again. Yesterday was the first Monday I had off in ages and he had to work in the morning. He usually has Mondays off from work because he works nights and has class Monday nights. But NOOoooo, not yesterday! He had to work in the morning and go to school that night so he didn't get home until fucking 9:00 p.m. At least he got home a little earlier. The rest of the week is the usual 11:30. It's been tough lately because I feel like I never see him.

The weekend was lots of fun. I really wish Ron could have gone, not only did I miss him but he'd have had a great time with us. But I'll get into it a little later. I have a few pics from it, too. I'm so glad that Tyra brought her camera because neither of us remembered. Tonight, Janine and Lisa are coming over. I'm not too keen on the idea of visitors, but it's good for me. It'll keep me going so I don't go home and go straight to bed...OH how that sounds tempting. Okay, back to work. Later.

Difficulties

What a difference a good night's sleep makes. I feel so much better this morning. I don't even remember dreaming last night, which is a very good thing. My dreams have been more exhausting than my concious life this week! I went home last night and had a coupla beers, made a yummy dinner, played with the birdies and watched a movie. Ron called me several times, too. Then he came home and slid into bed with me a little early. *woo* *woo* *wink* *wink*

Ahh, doncha wish you had some rolls of this stuff stowed away? For those difficult people in your life. Ouch, man.

I am WAY too sensitive sometimes. Like I've said so many times before, I MUST learn to let it go. People are people and no one is perfect. I think I've written, said or thought that last line about a jillion times... It might sink in some day. What's that other stupid line? Oh yea, "Don't sweat the small stuff." Right. "Be yourself." Of course. I still consider Kim a good friend. I have to remember what a wonderful hostess she's been to me when I've visited her before. Even when she's at MY house she's a great hostess! She's just not so good at keeping in touch. Some people are like that. That's why they come and go in life. I'll just look forward to all the cool people I have yet to meet. I know they're out there.

Well, I'd better get back to packing stuff. I have to leave work early today, we wanna get on the road to Vegas as soon as possible so that we can get ahead of the inevitable BUTTload of traffic. The shipping/wherehouse lady isn't here today so I have to do her job. Her cute little husband is coming home from the pilly-peens today. He was there for FIVE months building their retirement home! I'm so glad she gets to retire soon, she's been working so hard for so long. She deserves to enjoy life now. I'm just worried about who we're going to find to replace her! Her job is NOT easy. Well, it is and it isn't.

'Kay, nuff babbling. Gotta get on with the day...

Tired

Is it over yet? GAWD. This day is crawling. I'm so fucking tired and my head is spinning. I hope I'm not getting sick. I'm going to have to take it easy on the exercising tonight. I have to do something though, because I know I'm gonna be a bad girl this weekend in Vegas. Not bad in that I'll be gambling...HELL NO. Just bad in the food and drink department. Not to mention the smoking department. Vices are lovely, aren't they?

I'm going to think pleasant thoughts tonight before going to bed. I don't wanna have another shitty night, I just can't take it anymore! Last night I had trouble falling back to sleep because my mind was reeling over power trippers again. Ron had some shit stories from his tough work day and his best friend is being a pussy whipped retard again. People who think they have power. Bleh. Arrogance, ignorance, popularity contests. It seems like no one has heard of the word HUMILITY anymore. No one is humble. Even on the blogs. Some people think they're SUCH hot shit. Eh, but that's just the internet where not everything is what it seems.

That's another thing that's been bugging me. People who are so busy or so popular or so WHATever that they can't even find the time to call or write. There is something that's been bothering me and I need to get over it. By now I know that this is just the way she is and that she's a really nice person...but my friend Kim flaked on me HARD a few weeks ago. She's never been good at returning calls or calling when she says she's going to and this one just threw me for a loop. I'M always the one who tries so damn hard to keep in touch, as she lives two hours away from me. But this hurt me. I realize that she's very busy with her horse training job and that leaves her many of her weekends pretty booked, but we haven't seen each other in over a year.

I emailed her at the end of January telling her that I really miss her and that I'd like to try to plan a weekend in the not too distant future...thinking that she'd give me a weekend that was two weeks to a month away. Well, I get a return email from her about a week later on a Thursday in which she excitedly tells me how well everything is going and that she wants to invite Ron and I down to see her new place. Her 7th or 8th new place in the last three years. The girl moves...A LOT. So I guess that's another thing that keeps her busy, I have to be fair. I know she is busy. If I were that busy and moved that much I would probably have exploded from the raw nerves by now. Anyway, she extends this invitation through an email on Thursday morning and I write back at once accepting this last minute offer, telling her that we'll probably leave early Saturday morning because Ron works until late Friday.

Now, I really thought I'd hear from her by email that day. Or Friday morning at least, because that's how it usually is when we're making plans. Unfortunately, I do not hear from her for the rest of the day. Or night. I call on Friday and leave a message. No callback on my cell or home phone. At all. Nothing. All. Weekend. Long. Of course I go about my weekend business wondering what in the hell happened. Did someone die??? Is someone hurt??? Monday rolls around and there is no email from her. No message when I get home from work on Monday. So I call her again Monday evening and leave a message (I always have to leave a message because she never answers her cell or home phone. I tell you, the girl is IMPOSSIBLE to get ahold of. This time I say I'm WORRIED. Is everything OKAY?! What. The. FUCK. I FINALLY get an email on TUESDAY saying that she was busier than she thought she'd be over that particular weekend, she's got shit to do the next and NEXT weekends, maybe we can shoot for the NEXT weekend blah blah. No apology. I write back and tell her that I am glad everything is okay and that I would really appreciate a PHONE CALL next time we have LAST MINUTE tentative plans. LAST fucking MINUTE is the key here. Then I go on to tell her to please just let me know when she'll be free again. Kee-ryst. I get an email a few days later, still no formal apology (one that I think I deserve, am I wrong??) telling me that she's only got a minute (I hate it when people tell me this, I don't fucking care HOW LONG you have to give me the time of day) but maybe we can do something on blah blah weekend because she doesn't think she'll have to work as much that weekend. I haven't heard a word about the subject in the last three weeks. However, I DID receive TWO mass emails about her new cat and pony. I wrote back to the first one because I'm so happy she finally got a kitty...she's been wanting one. The second one just pissed me off. Gee whiz, another mass email! THANKS for the time! I know you don't have any!

I think I'm being a little too sensitive about this. I've decided to just let her be. It's pointless getting all huffy at her, especially since it's been so long since the incident. She's a sweet girl and has a lot on her mind, all the time. She is also the type of person who can never be idle. I, on the other hand, like to smell the roses. A little too much. That's why I'm not a career oriented person. I still miss her though and I'm still hurt. I'll let it go. I just can't be bothered by people who are so busy. Or people who are self important. Sometimes I just want to scream, at no one in particular, "WHO IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??" Hell, I know Kim knows and that's great for her. I'm happy for her because it took her a long time to find out. But other people...you'd think the sun rises and sets from their ass crack. Fuck, I gotta go home and get my damn jog overwith so I can veg in fronna the t.v. and eat. Later...

Drifting

I missed Ron a lot last night. He was really busy at work and had only had one chance to call me...at two in the afternoon. By the time it was 7:30 and I still hadn't heard from him, I gave him a call to find out he was on a ladder feeding pipe. Ooops, sorry honey...I'll talk to you later. *heavy sigh* I went to sleep on the couch again (on purpose, really) waiting for Ron to get home and wake me so I could possibly spend a little (concious) time with him before heading to bed. I heard him come home and shower. Next thing I know he's smoothing my hair back to give me a nice kiss on the cheek. Mmmm, he smelled like roses...or well, the soap that's in the shower...GOOD. He smelled good! Yea. I slept for a little while longer and then the movie that he'd put on woke me with all it's "fucks" and "fuck yous". I sat up and discovered he'd finally been able rent "Waiting", a hilarious and silly movie about the wait staff at a restaurant. I had tried to rent the damn thing THREE times last week and it was always out. So by this time it was about 12:30 a.m. I sat up, lit a ciggie and watched the rest of the movie with him. It was damn funny! We were rollin'! Totally reminded me of the three years I worked at a small 50's style restaurant while going to jr. college. There were many similarities...the crazy cooks and wait staff, the dorky manager, smoking (and smoking out) behind the place during break, fucking with asshole customers...ahhh, took me back. Good times.

Anyway, I had another fitful night of sleep. After waking up and watching a movie, I had some trouble going to sleep. Ron stayed out in the livingroom and watched another movie. I laid in the bedroom with my mind spinning. Sleep finally came after what seemed like hours...then there was Ron, climbing into bed. I said goodnight, rolled over and had the first of many weird dreams. I was at work, opening the front doors and this couple walked up to me and asked if I'd like to buy some of their candy. I let them in the office with me and right after I closed the doors they attacked me. The man quickly put my arms behind my back while I struggled and struggled, kicking the girl who was trying to bind my legs. Next thing I know, Ron is shaking me awake asking if I'm alright. He said I'd fallen asleep quickly and just as quickly my breathing had gone from calm to frantic. This is the second night this week he's woken me in the middle of a bad dream, saying my breathing was nuts. I don't know...it's weird. He was like, "Holy shit, what the hell is going on??!" Bad dream, honey...bad dream. Again.

The sordid mood did not change once I went back to sleep. More crazy images and situations filled my mind. Here are a few of the things I remember...

-The whole series of dreams was a family get together at my aunt's house. My boss was there. He was crippled and sitting in an armchair in the middle of the kitchen at the beginning.
-More and more people kept showing up. Some were relatives, some I didn't know at all.
-There was a foreign couple who arrived with their two children. The girl was three and the boy was one. They were horrible brats to everyone, yet I was the only one who seemed to notice. At one point in the dream, the kids stole half the guests shoes (we were required to remove them for the party). Everyone else thought they were adorable. I remember at one point I wanted to strangle the little girl.
-I watched white panthers with bright blue eyes mate in the livingroom. They were like, right in my face.
-Ron was at the party with me, but was off getting totally drunk most of the time. He showed up here and there throughout the dream(s) and was a complete ass toward my family the whole time.
-My brother lived in my aunt's attic. He was dying of something, I'm not sure what. All he did was lay and smoke pot. There was lots of ivy growing around his bed posts.
-I went outside to find my shoes that the kids had taken and saw a swarm of ladybugs coming toward me. Most of them flew by, but a few landed on my hands and started biting me. I actually felt the terrible sting. Looking at my hands, there was one particularly huge ladybug on my right index finger, making squeaking noises as it bit and sucked. I watched my finger and hand slowly turn white with blue veins. Then I tried to shake them off. Most came off, except for the huge one. I had to break it in half to get it to release its grip.
-Ron and I had brought my tarantula, Rosie, with us in a clear video cassette case.
-I was talking with some guy about his pet ferrets in a room that was above the attic my brother was in. Half the room had a roof and the other half was outside. We were talking and Ron brought Rosie over. The guy said he had something cool to show me and had me take out my cell phone and put it on the couch. He had Ron put Rosie on the couch next to it and she crawled over toward the phone. The anonymous ferret guy shook my phone a little and Rosie hissed and bit it with two, HUGE sharp fangs. She left what looked like a snakebite on the back of my phone. The centers of the holes turned to a steaming liquid and after a few seconds they lit up an irridescent bluegreen. I put my phone down and had her bite the arm of my glasses. The same thing happened, then the frames got all bent up and the lenses expanded into big pentagons that took on the look of shiny sunglasses. I put them on and looked at myself. They looked rediculous and I started laughing, actually waking myself up.
-Once I was asleep again, I was bringing food to my boss, whos armchair had moved to the backyard.
-I went out the back gate and began searching for my shoes again. I found them, along with many other pairs, in a neighbors garage.
-I went back to the house and sat down in front of my aunt's computer to make a blog entry! HA! I took off my weird glasses and tried to put them on the scanner so that I could post the picture in my blog. The scanner went crazy and my aunt told me to get off the computer.
-I found Ron and told him to gather up Rosie in the casette case because it was time to leave. I got my cell from anonymous guy and noticed the holes had "healed". They looked welded shut.
-Right before I woke up, I was sitting on the toilet and my aunt reached her hand in and gave me my nylons and panties that the bratty kids had also stolen.

What a night! The weird thing about dreams, too, is that they seem so long but they're not. This whole thing was probably only about an hour long. Again, it put me in this mood. I feel like I'm floating through the day. I'm tired. I miss Ron. I have to jog again tonight. Oh yea, and Melanie called yesterday to tell me that Vegas is still on. The funeral isn't going to be until Monday. I'm glad we get to go away, but I MISS RON. I'm not gonna get to see him all weekend again. I'm such a pussy. Speaking of pussies, I'd better remember to buy kitty litter on the way home. That's it for now, my eyes hurt again.

Do I HAVE to?

I woke up in a foul mood again this morning. I had nightmares all night again... I think I ate dinner too late last night, I dunno. I went to bed quite early, about 10:30, after I read a little. I didn't get to turn on the computer 'cause I really wasn't in the mood. I DID spend all day in front of one, after all. It was an uneventful evening. I came home to a very clean house and the monsterous pile of dishes that were in the sink that morning were all washed and mostly put away. Lovely Valentines gift...hehe...I made sure to thank Ron. I missed him a lot last night. All I did was go for a jog, make and eat dinner, talk to my mom on the phone (she would NOT stop asking me about how my planning is going. I SUCK at planning things and it was getting frustrating) watch some t.v. and get a little reading in before my eyes started feeling like cotton. I barely remember his arrival home. I think he came in and kissed me goodnight. Did he?

Ugh...the nightmares. I don't recall too many of the details anymore, all I know is that the whole feel was frustration and agony, again. I woke up at one point sweating like mad. Some things I remember have to do with driving, trying to get to my parents house. I knew I had to get on the freeway for a long jaunt, but I COULDN'T. I kept crashing into things, missing the entrance, I had to pee, I had to go to work at a new job that I wasn't sure I was going to keep (I kept going back to this building and helping them with the bookkeeping and shipping and I have no idea what they sold), I had to get lunch, I had to pee, there was a burning building and a whole bunch of parrots on the wire above the building, I had to PEE...then my ex came into the picture. I think I had to pick up his kid or something. What the hell? It was weird, depressing and uncomfortable. And I really had to pee, like, in reality, ya know? But when I woke up I was too lazy to get the fuck up and GO already. I hate that. Thank GOD I didn't just "go" in my dream. Ron would have left me for that one! I mean, I did...found a toilet in the weird work building AND at the Carl's Jr. I got lunch at. But I didn't really go. The last time that happened to me was a long time ago and it was just WRONG.

Yea...

I keep having similiar dreams lately... One type of dream has to do with having to go back to school, whether it be grade school, high school or college. The same feeling of depression and frustration is there as I'm either endlessly looking for my first period class (that I missed along with second and third because I just COULDN'T find the classroom) or I'm trying to find the admin office to figure out my jumbled schedule. All the while, the bell rings and I'm engulfed in bustling students...still completely confused and no one will help me. The other type of dream has to do with my ex suddenly coming back into the picture and trying to replace Ron. I keep thinking that I have to marry my ex and that I'm not allowed to marry Ron. Or my ex and I are together like nothing happened and his kid is with us. WHAT?? Yucky yuck...I hate waking up from those, especially.

So this morning I wasn't happy. I didn't make a big deal or try to scratch out Ron's eyes like I usually do. I just went about my business of getting ready for the day with a slight frown on my face. Work has been okay today. It's still a little slow but I'm working on things...even though I'm having a lot of trouble trying to concentrate...again.

I'm looking foward to this weekend though. It's Vegas weekend with Melanie and Tyra, just like last year. Melanie's got her bowling tournament. Unless there is a funeral this weekend for Mealanie's mom's childhood friend. She died, at 56, of cancer this past Sunday. Yes, another little depressing tidbit. It's so FUN when mortality slaps you upside the head. So I have yet to find out from Melanie when the funeral is. I might try to go if I can. I knew her pretty well...

EN-EEE-way, I'm off to try to concentrate on some more shit. And I gotta eat some lunch 'cause my stomach is screaming. Later...

Interesting...'nuther silly quiz

Hmmm...not only did I find out that I'm 45% nerd, I also discovered that I'm 55% stupid. I seem to have forgotten a TON of things I learned in high school. I also seem to have fucked up this link because it's supposed to say 45%, not ZERO... What the hell?? Oh well. There, I guess it's been confirmed. My brain IS melting!!

It's amazing

I get a coupla comments and now I'm all blog happy! Gotta do THREE posts today! Lookit meeeeee!!!! Well, the fact that it was kinda slow at work today helps. A lot. Now it's officially "after work" and time for me to go home.

I just wanted to report that I've been checking out some more blogs today and yesterday and have added two newbies to my list 'o links. Catching up on those will keep me busy for a while and so far they're lots of fun. I think I might have to put down the novel I started last week (I'm a SLOW reader of novels, by the way) and melt my eyeballs reading blogs tonight. Uh-huh, I'm trying to make "friends" and I can't do that unless I TRRRYYyyy...so I'm TRYYINNG. I have to make myself heard, dammit! I'm not gonna be a lurker, I can't afford to be if I want more readers. (no, I'm not obsessed...really!) I guess I should try to participate in the "Stuff portrait Fridays" thing, too. That looks like fun. I might do a couple...when... I. Get. Batteries. For. My. Camera. Shit. How many times will I remind myself? Not sure. It'll get done. I wanna participate! Yea yea!!!

I really had no idea this blog thing was so popular before last year. Where the hell have I been? Working or something?? I remember doing the "Myspace.com" thing for a bit, but that got kinda boring to me so I took my profile down after only about six months. Once again, I didn't try hard enough. But all the profiles just melted together after a while. What started me on blogging was one of the first links on my list...good 'ol Nataliedee.com. I stumbled upon that one day while looking for images on Google for a work project. I started reading her diary and it cracked me up! I just LOVE her random drawings. Then I saw that she was linked to Diaryland.com and I instantly got sucked into reading people. Naturally, that led to, "What if I write my OWN diary??" I've seriously NEVER kept a diary IN MY LIFE. Sure, I've kept a few journals for class or jotted down a few dreams in a "dream book" (that reminds me, I found that thing recently and I should post some of my dreams...hilarious!) but never a serious, day to day thing like this. Interesting... Anyway, I should go because tonight is jogging night. Ew. Gotta keep it up though, I'm back in the swing again. 'Cept for I haven't lost a single fucking pound. Oh well, fuck the scale, I always say. Most of the time.

Deep Observations

...On Life. An email I received from my dad today, that I especially liked. Except for number 9, that is. That one's kinda lame. Me being the animal nerd I am, it bugs me when people refer to whales and dolphins as "fish". It's so ignorant. That, and when they refer to chimps as "monkeys". They're APES goddamnit! Okay... *whew*

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keepaway from children."--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a supportgroup for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying toteach you how to swim.'"--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:"Duh."--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway throughmy fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slowlearner."--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in NewYork said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn'tcold enough. Let's go west.'"--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixtyand that's the law."--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is thesame." --Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. Atleast they can find Afghanistan."--A. Whitney Brown

18) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."--Billy Crystal

19) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give youa look that says, 'My God, you're right. I never would've thought ofthat!'"--Dave Barry

20) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.--Unknown, presumed deceased