Tired

Is it over yet? GAWD. This day is crawling. I'm so fucking tired and my head is spinning. I hope I'm not getting sick. I'm going to have to take it easy on the exercising tonight. I have to do something though, because I know I'm gonna be a bad girl this weekend in Vegas. Not bad in that I'll be gambling...HELL NO. Just bad in the food and drink department. Not to mention the smoking department. Vices are lovely, aren't they?

I'm going to think pleasant thoughts tonight before going to bed. I don't wanna have another shitty night, I just can't take it anymore! Last night I had trouble falling back to sleep because my mind was reeling over power trippers again. Ron had some shit stories from his tough work day and his best friend is being a pussy whipped retard again. People who think they have power. Bleh. Arrogance, ignorance, popularity contests. It seems like no one has heard of the word HUMILITY anymore. No one is humble. Even on the blogs. Some people think they're SUCH hot shit. Eh, but that's just the internet where not everything is what it seems.

That's another thing that's been bugging me. People who are so busy or so popular or so WHATever that they can't even find the time to call or write. There is something that's been bothering me and I need to get over it. By now I know that this is just the way she is and that she's a really nice person...but my friend Kim flaked on me HARD a few weeks ago. She's never been good at returning calls or calling when she says she's going to and this one just threw me for a loop. I'M always the one who tries so damn hard to keep in touch, as she lives two hours away from me. But this hurt me. I realize that she's very busy with her horse training job and that leaves her many of her weekends pretty booked, but we haven't seen each other in over a year.

I emailed her at the end of January telling her that I really miss her and that I'd like to try to plan a weekend in the not too distant future...thinking that she'd give me a weekend that was two weeks to a month away. Well, I get a return email from her about a week later on a Thursday in which she excitedly tells me how well everything is going and that she wants to invite Ron and I down to see her new place. Her 7th or 8th new place in the last three years. The girl moves...A LOT. So I guess that's another thing that keeps her busy, I have to be fair. I know she is busy. If I were that busy and moved that much I would probably have exploded from the raw nerves by now. Anyway, she extends this invitation through an email on Thursday morning and I write back at once accepting this last minute offer, telling her that we'll probably leave early Saturday morning because Ron works until late Friday.

Now, I really thought I'd hear from her by email that day. Or Friday morning at least, because that's how it usually is when we're making plans. Unfortunately, I do not hear from her for the rest of the day. Or night. I call on Friday and leave a message. No callback on my cell or home phone. At all. Nothing. All. Weekend. Long. Of course I go about my weekend business wondering what in the hell happened. Did someone die??? Is someone hurt??? Monday rolls around and there is no email from her. No message when I get home from work on Monday. So I call her again Monday evening and leave a message (I always have to leave a message because she never answers her cell or home phone. I tell you, the girl is IMPOSSIBLE to get ahold of. This time I say I'm WORRIED. Is everything OKAY?! What. The. FUCK. I FINALLY get an email on TUESDAY saying that she was busier than she thought she'd be over that particular weekend, she's got shit to do the next and NEXT weekends, maybe we can shoot for the NEXT weekend blah blah. No apology. I write back and tell her that I am glad everything is okay and that I would really appreciate a PHONE CALL next time we have LAST MINUTE tentative plans. LAST fucking MINUTE is the key here. Then I go on to tell her to please just let me know when she'll be free again. Kee-ryst. I get an email a few days later, still no formal apology (one that I think I deserve, am I wrong??) telling me that she's only got a minute (I hate it when people tell me this, I don't fucking care HOW LONG you have to give me the time of day) but maybe we can do something on blah blah weekend because she doesn't think she'll have to work as much that weekend. I haven't heard a word about the subject in the last three weeks. However, I DID receive TWO mass emails about her new cat and pony. I wrote back to the first one because I'm so happy she finally got a kitty...she's been wanting one. The second one just pissed me off. Gee whiz, another mass email! THANKS for the time! I know you don't have any!

I think I'm being a little too sensitive about this. I've decided to just let her be. It's pointless getting all huffy at her, especially since it's been so long since the incident. She's a sweet girl and has a lot on her mind, all the time. She is also the type of person who can never be idle. I, on the other hand, like to smell the roses. A little too much. That's why I'm not a career oriented person. I still miss her though and I'm still hurt. I'll let it go. I just can't be bothered by people who are so busy. Or people who are self important. Sometimes I just want to scream, at no one in particular, "WHO IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??" Hell, I know Kim knows and that's great for her. I'm happy for her because it took her a long time to find out. But other people...you'd think the sun rises and sets from their ass crack. Fuck, I gotta go home and get my damn jog overwith so I can veg in fronna the t.v. and eat. Later...