Style

Yesterday I did something that I haven't done in ages. I went to Soooopercuts for a hair trim... Yes, I'd been going to my regular guy for about five years and lately it's been hit or miss. The last two haircuts I've had to go back to him the next week and ask him to fix it. I hated the way his last haircut was growing out. I want my hair to be about medium length to long (a little past the tops of my shoulders) for my wedding and that means I'm going to wait about six months before my next trim. I couldn't stand the way it was growing, it looked like a football helmet...the layers were retarded. Too long on the bottom, too short on the sides...yuck! So instead of calling my regular guy and having to wait two weeks for an appointment, I just walked right into the local Soopercuts and got a simple cut. I saved money, too, and that's ALWAYS a good thing! The girl who did it was very sweet and gentle. I noticed how she was slow and calculated and didn't yank the hell outta my head like my regular guy sometimes does. Now I'm very happy with the results. I can wake up in the morning and just shake my head and have a lovely 'do without hassle. Yay! I'll try to get a pic of it soon...

After my haircut I met up with my friend Janine at my house and we went for a nice, long walk. We both like to exercise and want to try to walk or bike ride together at least once a week. I've been hanging out with her a lot lately and it's been great. We've known each other for such a long time, since we were about 10 years old... She was closer to my friend Lisa, they had met in summer school. The three of us would play together as kids. I'd see her at Lisa's parties every now and again. We hooked up about five years ago at one of Lisa's gigs and hung out a lot for about a year and then lost touch again. Lisa mentioned her about six months ago and I asked for her email address. She was happy to hear from me...she had been through a lot and needed someone to talk to. So we've sorta been there for each other lately and it's nice. I enjoy her company and I like having another girlfriend to confide in. Especially one that shares some of my interests...we've also introduced new things to each other.

Man...it's slow at work again. Oh well, more time to start researching wedding plans. Yea...I'm gonna start soon. I swear! Yea, mom! I'm on it!

I'm okay

I'm feeling better this week. I exercised yesterday for the first time in a little over a month. I always forget what a difference a little raising of the heart rate makes. It's back to the routine, gotta get out and be active at least three times a week for a minimum of 30 minutes. I figure I'll fall into my usual pattern of two to three times a week for a while, slack off for a week or two, go back to it for a month and so on... That seems to be my pattern when it comes to regular exercise. I have to get out and look for a new pair of rollerblades so I can add some more variety. I looked this past weekend and was not at ALL thrilled with the selection. Seems styles have changed a bit since my last pair. That pair was stolen over two years ago. They were a boot style, got them about 8 years ago. The rollerblades of today look like ugly biker shoes with wheels attached. Ugh... Gotta keep looking, I'm sure I'll find something I like. I can't wait to skate again!

There isn't much going on. I guess that's good because I really have to start thinking about and planning my wedding! My mom has started getting antsy now that the holidays...she wants to get together and start working on the guest list. First thing's first! I'm a little nervous about the whole planning thing, as I always get about big projects. But this is supposed to be fun, I'm sure it will be once I get started. I'm not at all sure where I want it. I know I want a Catholic ceremony in a Catholic church. That's about as far as I've gotten. I need to start perusing magazines and the internet for ideas. I don't want anything huge...

So is anyone from Blogspot reading this yet? I've tried linking this to my old diary and so far no luck. Meaning, I haven't figured it out yet. I guess I can start fresh here, as I haven't really been doing this whole publishing myself on the internet for too long yet. It's almost been a year. Woopie. I'm being so boring today. Someone tag me with questions or whatever... Hell, I don't know... Bye for now.

Morose

It's the new year...why do I feel so down? I don't know. Everything is fine, really. I managed to make it through another holiday season without going insane. I got to ring in the new year with those I love. I have plenty to look forward to. What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like shit? It's time to just suck it up and move on, like I've had to do so many times before. This year is going to be great...or at least just as good as the last year was. Right. Life is good. I'm going to live it one day at a time. Don't worry about a thing...

2006

I haven't really been in the mood to update lately...not to mention I've been busy. Spent the past week closing up 2005 at the office among other things. My home computer has been broken again, although Melanie and I finally found time this past long weekend to get together and reformat it. I still have a few more things to do to it before I risk getting on the internet. Anyway, Happy New Year. It's 2006! I'll be back later.

Wow!

OH MAN!! This site is SO much easier to work with. I'm very glad I switched. It's so pertiful!!! I get to post pictures RIGHT onto my blog, instead of uploading my ass off. YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

Now I have to work on moving all of old entries from the past year over to here. I will essentially be posting backwards, a few entries a day until it's all done. I love the way it automatically archives my entries! Okay, I'm acting like I just got a new toy... Well, I guess I did! Back to archiving I go!

Moving on

Ah, moving on to a blog... I started an online diary last year and found it very addicting. It's so much fun to see myself actually published on the internet!! I had been in complete darkness when it came to such a thing, only to discover and love the idea. I know, it took me long enough. So here I am, starting fresh. I'm going to post select diary entries just as soon as I figure out all the in and outs of this place. So far so good, it's much easier to navigate and post nice looking entries on this site. Okay, here I go!

HOHOHO Hahaha Heeheehee

This is a little cartoon I drew in someones Christmas card. It came out so well I just had to scan it and post it...

Silly silly...

Drunken Fire

An email to my friend about a random (this past) Tuesday night...

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Holy SHIT I haven't gotten that WASTED in a long time. Especially on a Tuesday night! Seriously, dude...WAY-YAY-STEEEDDD! I was slurring and falling all over myself by the end of the night. I RARELY do that, I don't like to be so...so wishy-washy outta control. It was fun though! I remember at one point we had turned on the broiler to make barbequed chicken... Well I'd forgotten about a piece of garlic bread that I'd put back in the oven the other night, to keep it warm so I could eat it later...you know...yea. I have not one, not two but THREE fucking loud ass smoke alarms, only one of which I've disabled. So those two muthers started going off like crazy. I smelled the smoke and figured (in my slurrybrainblurred state) that it was just some crumbs left over from something in the oven. Yea, they'll burn off. This is how stupid drunks start fires, I know. It's a new low for me! We managed to get the alarm in the kitchen to stop, but the one in the bedroom would not give up! Ron got up on the cat stool and held a blanket over the screaming thing to dull some of the piercingness (yes, that's a word!) and by this time I couldn't stop laughing. He's like, "Go get rid of it, whatever it is, PLEASE!" Then I fall down on the bed laughing and he's all, "NOOOoooo!!! Go get it!!! Gooooooo!!!!" So I flail into the kitchen to see smoke POURING out of the oven. What the hELL??? I open the oven and there's the garlic bread in the oven bag ON FIRE! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I pat it out with my oven mitten and take the black mass to the front door, open it and toss the fucker out! Then I open all the windows, most of which remained open all night because we just passed out in bed after having mad monkey sex...hehehehehehe!!!!! Um, yea...so I guess you hadda be there...we were retards last night. High class, man. Crazy drunken idiots, who throught the Grace of God, did not burn the house down. We even lived to play dominos later on, too. There's nothing like throwing dominos at a sleeping cat and watching him jump ten feet! Whoooheee!!! Party!

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Okay, I'd better watch it with the yager. After reading that again I'm almost embarrassed to post it! Almost...

Hustle and Bustle...BITCH!

All I had to do was put up the Christmas tree in order to get into the spirit. I feel much better after looking at a sparkling tree. I'm ready to head out tonight and do what's become a tradition for me, last minute shopping. ALRIIIGHT!!! Let's get it on!

We didn't get the tree up until last night because Ron didn't get a stand on Monday night. He got home and was like, "I can't believe how much they want for a two foot tree!!! And THEN they wanted $7.99 for a stand!!! I can build one for less!!!" Ah, yes...those ever-efficient men with building skills. "Eye kin build ya one outta an ol' plastic bowl an' some wood planks!" Of course you can!!! And that will last us forever, right? I told him I'd go out and get a stand, no problem.

OH BOY was I wrong to think I could go out twelve days before Christmas (the infamous 12 days) and get a tree stand on my first try. There must have been record sales in tree stands this year because EVERYONE was OUT OF THEM. I tried two Save-Ons, a Wallgreens, a Longs Drugs, OSH and Home Depot. I finally got smart and tried calling the places before I wasted my time going there to look only to be told mockingly that, "We're ALL sold out!" When I called Home Depot on Tuesday night, I was told that they had a shipment come in earlier in the evening and that it just had to be received, they'd have them out on Wednesday. This was after I'd visted three other stores so I went home defeated. Last night I thought I'd try the Longs and the other Save-On that's near my work. NOPE, NUTHIN'. So on my way to the car from store number FIVE I called Ron and said, "Honey, next time just SPEND THE FUCKING $7.99!" How mean-spirited of me to do that to him after he's done so much for me. "Hi, you've reached 1-800-BITCH. For a list of little insignificant things to bitch about, press one..." I happened to pick a terrible day to slather the shit on Ron, as he'd had an awful day at work. His drill broke, then his wrench broke, then his truck started making noises and THEN his LOVELY and thoughtful fiancee calls him to yell in his ear about a stupid tree stand! He's all, "Just come home, I'll take care of it!" And I'm like, "NNOooooo, I don't want you to have to do it, I'LL DO IT! WAHH WAHHH!!!" and so on and so forth. So I head over to Home Depot with it in my head that they have done all their receiving and that I can get the fucking stand and go home. But I have to call first JUST TO MAKE SURE. The first dildo to answer the phone says that they're out. I tell him about they little receiving thing and he says he'll transfer me over to gardening, where they should know. After two minutes of annoying holiday music, I get transferred to electrical, where dildo number two says, and I quote, because these are the WORST words to say to a CUSTOMER, "I have NO idea", to which I promptly answer, "Well could you transfer me to someone WHO DOES??!" in my most irritated voice. Three more minutes of holly jolly finally gets me to gardening where I am told that yes, they do in fact have stands. SCORE!!!!! So I go and get the sonovvabitch and go home to an upset Ron...

We were supposed to go to Sears so that he could get a new drill, we had talked about it earlier in the day and I completely forgot with all of my grumpiness over the assholes who bought MY TREE STAND!!! DAMMIT!! I felt so guilty. Ron was tired and sullen all night, but he set up the tree on the stand and even vacuumed up the needles on the carpet when he was done. OH YEA, and he'd even done the dishes 'cause he got home before me! Ughghghg... He pepped up a bit when he saw the pretty tree though. I also put out some other cute little decorations. In between my decorating, I gave him many a guilt-ridden-I'm-SO-SORRY-stare. BAH! Oh well, I just know that I have to try to control these moody outbursts because Ron is right, life is too short for them. I don't need the stress. Now it's time to convince myself. Working on it.

That's it for now. I think I'm going to post the email I sent to a friend about Tuesday night...once I got home the party started. That's later...gotta do some work. Bye bye!

Relaxation on a Saturday night

Saturday night! I'm just doooin' the do for a Saturday... Last night Melanie came over and stayed 'til about two, then I stayed up 'til four. I woke up this afternoon at 12:45 p.m. I then proceded to turn on t.v. and watch movies all afternoon. I now have HBO and Cinemax thanks to calling my cable company to go over my bill. I received my bill after I'd had my box turned back on after they'd blocked it about a month ago (when I had a shit cow, I wrote about it a few entries ago) and they'd billed me wrong. You know, 'cause people can never ever get anything right the first time. It all turned out for the best...turns out they have a special going on (they ALWAYS do) in which I can get my regular and expanded cable PLUS HBO and Cinemax for the same price I'd normally pay for just the regular/expanded cable. Hurrah!!!! I have MOVIES!! So I sat on my ass all day 'til Ron got home from the side electrical job he's doing for Melanie's dad. Then my friend Janine came over and we chatted for a bit. A great, relaxing Saturday. I also uploaded more pics...of THE BIRRRDSSS!!!

Here are Punkin' and Pickles. Pickles is the one taking a bath in the glass of water. They look EXACTLY alike! HOWFUCKINGEVERRRRR Pickles is going through yet another "mood" and is starting to pluck a bit...AFUCKINGGAIN. HOWFUCKINGEVERRRRR I've completely given up on trying to doctor Pickles. I'm NOT going to worry about his obnoxious nuerotic behavior anymore (for the next few weeks at least until this phase is over) because I've officially done ALL that I can. Really though, I think I've done all I can I now I must accept that I made a HUGE mistake getting him so attached to me. I can only hope that he'll possibly tire of it and stop as he gets older. I'm happy to have two lovebirds! They're beautiful birds with tons of personality. And Punkin' has turned out to be such a sweetie. I'm not too sure about the sex, "she" could still be a "he" because behavior hasn't told me anything yet and it's hard to tell from appearance alone. Punkin' is afraid of me, but that's just fine because I expect it from a new bird. She's not too much of a biter, she hasn't even bitten me as much as Toby has. She's doing very well. I've learned to be very patient with birds in general. If I'm lucky, she'll come around.

And now some pictures of cuteness...

The lil' 'ol LOVERRRrrrssss!!!

And the very image of relaxation. This should be in the dictionary.

*MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM* *smack* *smack* *AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh*

Cats are so good at this, aren't they? I should look at this picture whenever I'm feeling anxious.

I've been writing in this diary for almost a year. My anniversary is in February. That's pretty cool. I really enjoy writing in this thing. Now it's time to look at this entry.

THE GREAT WAAAaaallll

I finally uploaded all the pictures I needed for this entry. So here is our backpacking trip on the Great Wall of China, October 5 - October 6, 2005, in all its glory...

We woke up Wednesday morning and got everything together in our backpacks including warm clothing, tent, sleeping bags, snack foods, water, BEER...you know, all the essentials. We headed out around 11:30 a.m.

Yes, behold the streets of China!

We had a very important errand to run before we could actually start our trip, however. Taking little miss horny dawg Soooobway to the vet for bording and a possible (hopeful) spaying. So we walked...

What an amazing city!

Then we arrived at NPH animal hospital and Devin and Harry brought Subway in.

The NPH stands for "Naughty Pets Hospital". I should have gotten a picture of the other side of the sign, which had these very words in English. I don't know WHY I didn't. Instead, I took a picture of the victims sitting outside in the sun.

Devin and Harry took a while inside the vet, trying to find out if they would be able to spay Subway during her stay or not. One thing I noticed during our trip, the Chinese were easily confused by the White Boy and the Chinese Boy. Yea. It took them forever in there. And after forever and some maybes we found for absolute SURE that NO, THEY COULD NOT spay the doggie while she was in HEAT.

From the vet we walked to the bus stop, which took only about ten minutes.

After a two and a half hour bus ride we arrived at the bottom of the mountain where there were a whole lotta little dudes (one of which GRABBED MELANIE'S ASS) waiting at the bus stop to wheel n' deal witcha for a van ride up to the bottom of the Wall.

After another 45 minutes in a tiny van we arrived at Jinshan.

Ooooh, the sign at that starts our journey up to the first tower...

We finally got UP and UP and UP to the actual Wall around dusk. And then it was GROUP SHOT!!

After that we climbed and climbed and climbed... UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN these GIANT sets of STEEP stairs that extended over the mountain for THREE HOURS. As we got further away from the entry tower in Jinshan, the terrian got tough...and crumbly. OH SHIT! The stairs are now a crumbled lump, lets hope it doesn't break away under my foot! We'd stop every few towers to rest. It's a very good thing that we hiked at night. We would have sweat to death during the day. We had plenty of illumination from our headlamps and the beautiful full moon that rose as we trekked away. I didn't get a damn picture of THAT either! I was too exhausted from the climbing to think about being a photographer. After about 15 towers or so, we decided to stop and camp. That's when the fun began! Woo WOOOooooo!!! Party on The Great Wall!!!

Harry was kinda in a bad mood by the time we got up there, so he wasn't too willing to be in any of our silly shots. But he did volunteer some useful information once we got ALL THE WAY to that spot... He said that sometimes there are beggars who hassel tourists for cash. Great timing Harry! Needless to say, we didn't sleep very well that night. But we all piled into the tent when it got unbearably cold outside...

We were awake when dawn started crackin', so we got to the snappin'... O' pics, that is...

YES...

We climbed ALL THAT MOE-FUKKIN' WAY! Now it's time to start back...

Oh dear...

It was when we started on our trip back that we realized that there was NO WAY in HELL we could have stayed more than one night on the wall given the fact that we had packed more BEER than WATER. We had to conserve water on our hike back and we felt like IDIOTS. Oh well, ya live (yes, we were a bit dehydrated but lived) and learn.

And here we are, at the end of our morning hike down the Wall, proud of our accomplishment...

*Whew* I climbed the Great Wall of China. And I have a sweatshirt that says so. Good for me!

Storm a comin'

Just in case anyone was wondering, I am working on getting the rest of the China pictures posted. I'm putting together the Great Wall entry and there are a lot of pictures to sort through. So far I've just uploaded a few. I didn't forget, I'm just putting it off again. But it'll eventually get done.

In the meantime, the week is going okay. Although, I'm upset about something right now and I don't feel like writing about it. I'm doing this entry to take my mind off of it. It's given me an anxiety attack and I have to chill. Yes, I'm chillin'...everything is FINE. JUST FINE. CHILL, JULIE, CHILL FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

Let's see, what else to take my mind off things... My car was broken and is now fixed, thanks to the lovely Ron. He found me a great Honda mechanic that's very close to home. Yay. Uhhh...I've decided that I'm not going to jog anymore, but power walk instead. I just had the 87th person tell me that jogging is horrible for my knees. Okay fine. There are plenty of other exercises I can do. I'm going to do the stair-climb at work today before I go home. I've also asked for another pair of rollerblades for Christmas. I miss my rollerblades, they got stolen out of an ex-boyfriend's van a few years ago. That was just the beginning of the many bad little things that happened over the five months I was with him. That's a whole 'nuther entry, as we say...

Okay, I'm off to calm down some more. Yessireee...I'm a well adjusted, emotionally sound person, I am. YUP!

Blubbering freak

After a shitty week of being sick and stressed, the weekend shaped up pretty well. Friday was a rainy, dreary day on top of my raw emotions. By the time I got home I was completely worn out. Ron had been working days (starting at 5:30 a.m.) all week instead of his usual nights, so he was sacked out on the couch when I walked through the door at 4:30 Friday afternoon. I took his silent advice, grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on my cozy bed...kitty all snuggled up to my butt. We slept until 12:30 a.m.! Since we'd each gotten a solid eight hours, we decided to pop in a movie and have a few beers. We went back to bed at about 5 a.m. Not before we had a nice talk about everything that was on our minds. Made me feel a whole helluva lot better. It's great to be able to argue and work things out like adults. Tell each other how it is and not let things fester. That's how a healthy relationship works. And in all that complaining about the passive aggressive nature of my ex, I never stopped to notice that I'M ALSO somewhat passive aggressive. Interesting. Who'da thunk?! Ron has shown me that it's such a waste of time to keep things inside, drop hints or joke instead of addressing the damn issue. Yes, my fear of confrontation is lame. It just creates more stress that I don't need.

Saturday morning I had to get up at 8:00 a.m. to go to a funeral for my friend Lisa's grandma. Since our families have been so close for such a long time (about 35 years) it was a little like losing my own grandma. But it was one of those, "She lived a good, long life" funerals so it wasn't so bad. The ceremony was held at my elementary school church. I hated going there again. It's one of those places that digs up shitty memories. Eight years at that Catholic elementary school. Terrible teachers and terrible classmates that I was stuck with the entire time and me being an emotional/anxious little kid made for a fucked up time in my life. I STILL have dreams about that place. It definately made a huge contribution to my current emotional status. I was itching for the ceremony to end so I could get the fuck outta there.

I enjoyed the rest of the day. The wake was held at at little Italian deli. Lisa and Paulette were cool to hang out with, they didn't irritate me at all. Lisa was very glad that I'd shown up. I almost thought I wouldn't make it since I'd been so sick, but all that sleep finally paid off and I felt fine.

Saturday evening Ron and I met up with my two friends Cathy for dinner and drinks to celebrate our engagement. I had a very good time with them as well. After dinner we played pool for a few hours, which was tons of fun. I hadn't played pool in years. I had some I-don't-really-know-what-I'm-doing-so-I'll-just-do-the-best-or-whatever-I-can luck and played pretty well. I actually impressed Ron, who is a damn good pool player. And once again, Ron impressed me with his fabulous social skills. It felt like we'd all hung out a thousand times before.

Yesterday I got a little stressed over housework again, as I hadn't really done anything all week. I had been trying not to worry about it so much, but I just couldn't help it. It started with the bird cages...Pickles and Punkin's cage was full of Pickles' birdy barf. He had been going at it again on one of his favorite toys all week, and it was spread all over the place. From there everything spiralled...one thing led to another. Crusty birdy barf, I gotta bring the cage outside and spray it down. OH, since I'm doing their cage, I may as well do Toby's cage. Then there were feathers and food all over the floor and carpet so I started sweeping that, OH the couch is dirty I should spray the apholstry cleaner on it, OH the floor needs to be wiped up, OH I need to vacuum but Ron is taking a nap, OH I gotta dust too, the bathroom is gross, OH I gotta sweep up the kitty litter in the back room OH I GOTTA VACUUM!!!!!!!!!! Why is RON STILL SLEEPING?????? OH I GOTTA DO LAUNDRY!!!!!

I tried not to wake Ron as I was sorting laundry, but I can't do anything quietly when I'm stressing out. He woke up all pissy because I was cleaning like a maniac again and why can't I just RELAX because it's SUNDAY... Then he gets up to find that I've started a billion things so now he's feeling bad because he's not helping... Finally I start crying while I'm standing in the middle of my piles of clothes. I start blubbering again about how I don't want to make him mad but this is how I AM, I've been this way my whole life...and in the middle of my blubbering he says what my elementary school principal said many times, "You put SO much undue pressure on yourelf..." That just makes me cry harder. So he gives me a hug and I stand there crying and slobbering all over his shoulder. Then he says, once again, that he is there for me and that I should bring these things up and not let them grow so out of proportion. "We can work through this together, we are a team." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh... I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

OH YEA, and my car broke down this morning. I didn't panic this time. I hadn't gone far from home so I called Ron and he rescued me again. He gave me a ride to work and got the car towed to a Honda specialist. He knows all about Hondas since he worked for them for 10 years, so he was able to pre-diagnose the problem before he got it to the shop. And now I KNOW I'm not gonna get screwed by the mechanic, either! I feel so taken care of. Now I have to take care of work.

Bye bye...

Dirty Harry

It's been a tough week for Ron and I. Sickness, work stress, changing work schedules, a messy house and stress about the future have put us both in a very bad place these past few days.

All we really need to do is sort through things one day at a time. He's trying to do that, I guess, as all men have their own "system". Most of the time women just don't get that "system". He says that I have to respect his stuff and I say that he has to respect the way I like my living space...which is neat and orderly. I have to realize that it can't always be that way. I really have to work on letting things go because I'm going to drive him (and myself) crazy if I don't. It's all about compromise. Not flying off the handle and having an anxiety attack (he calls it "theatrics"...cute) over the state of my house. I'm making it much bigger than it really is. A very common reaction among those plagued by anxiety. I have to try harder to understand that he is at a crossroads in life, that he is not where he wants to be and that he has been essentially living out of a bag for six months. He's stressed to the max, but doesn't show it. Just the same, he has to try harder to understand my anxiety.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that he has never just lived alone. He's always had to put up with other people's standards, whether it be his asshole dad or his stupid roommates. I, on the other hand, have had the wonderful freedom of living alone and having my own rules. Compro-fucking-mise. Being an adult sucks. Yes, there is more to life. Enjoy it. Don't be afraid!

Fuck this.

Scott free

As I sit here all crusty-eyed, balloon-headed and lung buttery, I ask myself why...WHY did I think I could possibly avoid getting the damn sickness Ron brought home last week??! Haha, vitamins and exercise...HA HA fucking HAH! All I can do now is suffer through it and hope for the best.

Thanksgiving dressing

A quick email to a friend regarding my Thanksgiving weekend...

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Did you guys have a nice Thanksgiving? Mine was just lovely. It was just six of us, which was so wonderful... Mom, Dad, bro Steve, cousin Mark (the matchmaker) Ron and I. My parents were so cool...we were all sitting on the couch and they came out with six glasses of champagne and a card to toast our engagement. AWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! My dad made a little speech and then my cousin Mark. It was so sweet I was still curlin' mah toes an hour afterwards! I also had my first cigar outside with the men. Well, my cousin and my dad. My brother and Ron were like, "EWWww!" Cigars are good when you're drunk. Or drinking... I finished it yesterday and it tasted like SHIT! I shoulda hadda beer first...

We went to Ron's moms for her birthday and a psuedo-Thanksgiving/leftover celebration on Saturday. That was really fun, too. His mom is so nice! She pulled out the 'ol photo albums and I got to see a whole lotta darlin' little boy Ronnie pictures! I kept saying, "Aww, lookit duh lil' pooooooooooopiessss!", like a dork. I also got a great picture of Ron from when he was in Hawii, visiting a friend. The friend happened to have a cockatoo and since I'm the bird freak he asked his mom to find it. OH MAN! He looks so cute! He was 25 and had a really hard body, a tan and lots of blond highlights in his hair. Ooooh sexy sexy! Then of course he's got a sulfur-crested cockatoo on his shoulder! I asked his mom if I could borrow it so I could make a copy...it's so cute! I had it out on the coffee table and he kept turning it over 'cause he didn't want to look at it. Poor guy, it makes him all self concious 'cause he was in such good shape! He still is, mostly. 'Cept for the developing beer gut... He's gotta work on that one. I don't wanna be a nag though, don't wanna start that shit! Although, women are very prone to nagging. The key is catching yourself before you get carried away.

Okay, gotta work 'cause I'm busy as hell again. It's never just an even flow here. Fuck. Talk to you later.

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Yes, as the email stated, I am buried at work today. I'm going to have to try my best to put on a positive attitude toward this FUCKING TIME OF...ahem...this time year because I'm just tired of it. Why can't Christmas be more like Thanksgiving? All the damn greetings and gifts and bullshit. I'm overwhelmed. But I'll put on a fucking HAPPY FACE and get through it like I always do.

My weekend wasn't THAT lovely, actually. Ron was sick. That means I was sick, too. Not really, I just spent the majority of the weekend catering to Mr. I. M. Sickie. And just as I figured, I have a scratchy throat today. I'm hoping it doesn't turn into anything major because I have to work this week. My boss is out of town again and we are slammed. We finally got our container of merchandise from Poland in on the 23rd (yes, the fucking DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING when everyone gets to go home early!) and so we have tons of stocking to do. Not to mention all the backorders we have to send out. Ron and my brother Steve were nice to help us unload the container, as it was a very very last minute deal. We didn't find out exactly when it would arrive until the AFTERNOON before!

That reminds me of something funny, however... I was so pissed when I found out about the container's arrival. I KNEW it would happen like that because it's always inconvenient. My brother had said he'd help like he did last year and has Mondays and Tuesdays off. It would have been perfect for the container to arrive on one of those days, right? Well, when I found out that it was arriving on Wednesday, I called my brother right away. He didn't answer his phone so I tried IMing him. Here's the thing...my brother and boss BOTH have the same name of STEVE and are BOTH on my IM list. So the IM goes like this...

ME: "Steve..."

BOSS: "Yes?"

Now, at this point I think to ask why he isn't answering his cell phone. This surely would have prevented me from going into the cussfest that ensued....

ME: "Well guess what! The goddamnedmutherfuckingsonovvabitch CONTAINER is coming in tomorrow!"

ME AGAIN: "Of course it can't come AFTER fucking Thanksgiving! Heavens NO!"

ME AGAIN: "So now you probaby can't fucking do it because you have to fucking WORK tomorrow! Right???! DAMNIT??"

BOSS: "Julie! This is your boss, downstairs!!!"

I almost shit my pants. I got that rush of adreneline all over my body and my head felt like it was gonna float away. I was mortified. I sat there like that for about two minutes until my boss called to say he was leaving the office to get some things together and try to find some help. He asked that I find out if my brother could still do it and see if Ron might possibly be able to lend a hand. I'm like, "Oh-oh-oh-kay..." It turned out just like it always does. Fine. Fine only after I proceed to throw a panicked tantrum. And I'll say it again...I'm ONE LUCKY little bitch to have such a cool boss. Initially, he was confused by my obscene ramblings, but once he realized that the message was OBVIOUSLY not meant for him he thought it was hilarious! I am SUCH a dork. But at least everyone expects nothing less!

I really need to work now. I have to try to have a nice day. I feel shitty. I just started my damn period, my throat is scratchy and I have a headache. And Ron is being a butthead. OH JOY.

Never Ending

Note to self: Never EVER watch a movie like "War of the Worlds" RIGHT before going to BED...lest this leads to NIGHTMARES ALL NIGHT LONG. The kind that you're so glad to wake from, yet upon drifting back to sleep only return to the exact place you left off! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Yes, definately an afternoon flick. Especially when I've been having nothing but weird, vivid dreams lately. ESPECIALLY. Talk about baiting the hook.

Dreams and reality

I was having a nightmare early this morning and was very thankful that Ron woke me from it when he came to bed at 3:30 a.m. I don't know why, but I've been having the strangest dreams lately. Many of them include my old highschool and classmates from elementary school. And it's not so much the scenery in the dream, it's the overall mood of it.

Last nights dream was awful both emotionally and visually. The first thing I remember is being at the doctor's office in a horrible state. I had large staples running up and down the length of my thighs and butt cheeks. Not standard, surgical staples like one would get to close up a wound... No, these were heavy duty staples that are used in heavy duty office staplers. The strangest thing was the way they were embedded in my skin. First of all, they weren't bent in the way that staples bend when you cha-chunk them into papers. These only had one side bent in that manner. The other side of the staple looked as though it had been carefully inserted into the very top layer of my epidermis. Not quite all the way to the blood layer. You could see the staple under the transparent skin. There were also about five small pairs of scissors, each with one sharp, stainless steel blade inserted in the same manner as the staples had been. And it actually hurt. I felt pain, the kind of pain that disappears the very instant you wake up.

The main emotion in the dream was that of intense fear. Fear that I was being poisoned by the metal, fear of the pain and, most evident, fear of the people who had done this to me. Cruel, malicious gangster girls...or "Cholas" who were members of a large and menacing Mexican gang that tormented the city for years. They had targeted me and were going to induce torture to no end before they finally killed me. I hadn't seen the girls in my dream, nor had I heard them tell me these things. I just knew...and they had just performed this particular act of torture on me when the dream began.

I nervously waited in the dank waiting room at the doctors office as the doctor took each and every one of the 20 other people in the room, ahead of me. Next thing I knew the doctor was getting ready to leave. I got up and limped after him as he was gathering his coat and keys. I chased him down the hallway, feeling the instruments in my leg move as I struggled to keep up. I caught him as he was opening the door to the parking lot, grabbing his coat and pleading with him to help me. Some of the staples and scissors had caused bleeding... He just looked at me and said he was sorry, but he was out of time for the day...and with that, roughly pulled his coat from my grip and disappeared through the huge metal doors that slammed behind him. I immediatly heaved the door open and screamed a very angry and frustrated, "FUCK YOU!!!" at his beemer as it exited the lot.

As the dream continued I ended up in another dimly-lit room, removing the staples and scissors with my own hands. The process was slow and I felt a dull pain as I pulled each one out. It was very strange that I actually felt them sliding out. Completely gross! By the time I was done my legs were covered in what looked like bloody scratches. Oozing, bloody scratches. Okay...I'll stop now. The last part of the dream involved driving home in the middle of the night. I distinctly remember the panicked feeling I had as I reached over to lock my car doors, fearing that the Cholas were on the prowl. Weird as hell. What the fuck does this dream mean?? I know I'm not anxious about my recent engagement...if anything it's a happy, exicted anxiousness... Hmmmmm...

Oh yea, and during the dream I couldn't get enough water. I was dying of thirst. I can attribute that to my relatively low consumption of water last night. Add to that fact the relatively stiff drink I had with dinner (one that so very knocked me out on the couch that I didn't even hear or feel Pickles flutter over to my shoulder from his cage that I'd left open during their playtime) and we have total dehydration. Needless to say that when I awoke to Ron getting into bed I had such a dry mouth that my tongue was stuck firmly to the roof of my mouth. EWWWW!!!!

So I get up to get guzzle a drink out of the bathroom faucet and come back to bed. Now awake, I ask Ron how his day was because he seemed a little upset as he escorted my drowsy ass to bed when he got home from work at about 11:30. He then uloaded his awful day on me, siting his best friend and the people at work for taking it just over the top of shitty. This is another thing that I love about Ron. It was now my turn to make him feel better. He empowers me in such a way that it feels so good to listen to him and make suggestions. We go back and forth with this and it feels wonderful. It's not just him patting me on the back and telling me that I'm not crazy, or telling me that, "he doesn't know what the tell me"... But still, his being upset kept him awake for a bit longer and in turn, kept me awake. So I'm fucking tired today. But I could tell he had been holding some things in and I made sure to drive home the fact that he NEEDS to TALK TO ME when he feels bad. It's only human to hate seeing the ones you love upset. That's another reason why people need support from each other.

I don't want to get into all that we talked about but I will say one thing, I HATE, with every fiber of my being, powertripping, egotistical, arrogant assholes. They seem to be surrounding and closing in on me. Makes it so difficult to keep up with the positive attitude. But self assurance and positive attitude are the tools that are supposed to get us through this. Right?

Punkin'

OH YEA! And another new development... I got Pickles a birdy buddy. Another lovebird named Pumpkin. I'm not sure if it's a boy or a girl, but they seem to be getting along fine. I got little Punkin' on Saturday. I brought Pickles in to my favorite parrot store and they happened to have one, lone lovebird. I put the cages side by side for about an hour and they seemed fine so I brought him/her home. So far so good, but Pickles still wants his mama too much. Oh well, now it's time to start Operation Ignor Oboxious Bird Behavior like I started before. I'm hope that with time they'll really become 'lovebirds'... I'll post a pic of the two of them. They're so cute! I can barely tell them apart! Now this is THE LAST animal addition to my household. I swear. NO MORE. Shit, I have THREE birds again. Came around full circle, didn't I...

Calming

OH BOY oh boy... Ron sure handles my panic attacks well. He's so calm about it. This particular crying freak out was over my cable being turned off. It's a long story, but he called them back for me and straightened things out. I had misunderstood the lady I'd talked to, thinking I'd have to pay more to get it turned back on. This of course led me to panic and cry because I can't AFFORD to pay more and I NEED MY BASIC CABLE DAMMIT! It's the fucking simple things in life, okay? I want my ANIMAL PLANET and COMEDY CENTRAL!!!!! So I called Ronnie poop. And Ronnie poop rescued me again. First, he calmed me like he always does in a very nonthreatening, gentle way. Then he called them and gave them hell. He's SO good at working with people to get what he wants. That's one of his great strengths. So he worked it all out with them and I should have my cable back by Friday. And since I have to wait so long, he made sure that I received a credit as well. GO RON!!!! Thank you, honey pile.