Blubbering freak

After a shitty week of being sick and stressed, the weekend shaped up pretty well. Friday was a rainy, dreary day on top of my raw emotions. By the time I got home I was completely worn out. Ron had been working days (starting at 5:30 a.m.) all week instead of his usual nights, so he was sacked out on the couch when I walked through the door at 4:30 Friday afternoon. I took his silent advice, grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on my cozy bed...kitty all snuggled up to my butt. We slept until 12:30 a.m.! Since we'd each gotten a solid eight hours, we decided to pop in a movie and have a few beers. We went back to bed at about 5 a.m. Not before we had a nice talk about everything that was on our minds. Made me feel a whole helluva lot better. It's great to be able to argue and work things out like adults. Tell each other how it is and not let things fester. That's how a healthy relationship works. And in all that complaining about the passive aggressive nature of my ex, I never stopped to notice that I'M ALSO somewhat passive aggressive. Interesting. Who'da thunk?! Ron has shown me that it's such a waste of time to keep things inside, drop hints or joke instead of addressing the damn issue. Yes, my fear of confrontation is lame. It just creates more stress that I don't need.

Saturday morning I had to get up at 8:00 a.m. to go to a funeral for my friend Lisa's grandma. Since our families have been so close for such a long time (about 35 years) it was a little like losing my own grandma. But it was one of those, "She lived a good, long life" funerals so it wasn't so bad. The ceremony was held at my elementary school church. I hated going there again. It's one of those places that digs up shitty memories. Eight years at that Catholic elementary school. Terrible teachers and terrible classmates that I was stuck with the entire time and me being an emotional/anxious little kid made for a fucked up time in my life. I STILL have dreams about that place. It definately made a huge contribution to my current emotional status. I was itching for the ceremony to end so I could get the fuck outta there.

I enjoyed the rest of the day. The wake was held at at little Italian deli. Lisa and Paulette were cool to hang out with, they didn't irritate me at all. Lisa was very glad that I'd shown up. I almost thought I wouldn't make it since I'd been so sick, but all that sleep finally paid off and I felt fine.

Saturday evening Ron and I met up with my two friends Cathy for dinner and drinks to celebrate our engagement. I had a very good time with them as well. After dinner we played pool for a few hours, which was tons of fun. I hadn't played pool in years. I had some I-don't-really-know-what-I'm-doing-so-I'll-just-do-the-best-or-whatever-I-can luck and played pretty well. I actually impressed Ron, who is a damn good pool player. And once again, Ron impressed me with his fabulous social skills. It felt like we'd all hung out a thousand times before.

Yesterday I got a little stressed over housework again, as I hadn't really done anything all week. I had been trying not to worry about it so much, but I just couldn't help it. It started with the bird cages...Pickles and Punkin's cage was full of Pickles' birdy barf. He had been going at it again on one of his favorite toys all week, and it was spread all over the place. From there everything spiralled...one thing led to another. Crusty birdy barf, I gotta bring the cage outside and spray it down. OH, since I'm doing their cage, I may as well do Toby's cage. Then there were feathers and food all over the floor and carpet so I started sweeping that, OH the couch is dirty I should spray the apholstry cleaner on it, OH the floor needs to be wiped up, OH I need to vacuum but Ron is taking a nap, OH I gotta dust too, the bathroom is gross, OH I gotta sweep up the kitty litter in the back room OH I GOTTA VACUUM!!!!!!!!!! Why is RON STILL SLEEPING?????? OH I GOTTA DO LAUNDRY!!!!!

I tried not to wake Ron as I was sorting laundry, but I can't do anything quietly when I'm stressing out. He woke up all pissy because I was cleaning like a maniac again and why can't I just RELAX because it's SUNDAY... Then he gets up to find that I've started a billion things so now he's feeling bad because he's not helping... Finally I start crying while I'm standing in the middle of my piles of clothes. I start blubbering again about how I don't want to make him mad but this is how I AM, I've been this way my whole life...and in the middle of my blubbering he says what my elementary school principal said many times, "You put SO much undue pressure on yourelf..." That just makes me cry harder. So he gives me a hug and I stand there crying and slobbering all over his shoulder. Then he says, once again, that he is there for me and that I should bring these things up and not let them grow so out of proportion. "We can work through this together, we are a team." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh... I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

OH YEA, and my car broke down this morning. I didn't panic this time. I hadn't gone far from home so I called Ron and he rescued me again. He gave me a ride to work and got the car towed to a Honda specialist. He knows all about Hondas since he worked for them for 10 years, so he was able to pre-diagnose the problem before he got it to the shop. And now I KNOW I'm not gonna get screwed by the mechanic, either! I feel so taken care of. Now I have to take care of work.

Bye bye...