Last nights dream was awful both emotionally and visually. The first thing I remember is being at the doctor's office in a horrible state. I had large staples running up and down the length of my thighs and butt cheeks. Not standard, surgical staples like one would get to close up a wound... No, these were heavy duty staples that are used in heavy duty office staplers. The strangest thing was the way they were embedded in my skin. First of all, they weren't bent in the way that staples bend when you cha-chunk them into papers. These only had one side bent in that manner. The other side of the staple looked as though it had been carefully inserted into the very top layer of my epidermis. Not quite all the way to the blood layer. You could see the staple under the transparent skin. There were also about five small pairs of scissors, each with one sharp, stainless steel blade inserted in the same manner as the staples had been. And it actually hurt. I felt pain, the kind of pain that disappears the very instant you wake up.
The main emotion in the dream was that of intense fear. Fear that I was being poisoned by the metal, fear of the pain and, most evident, fear of the people who had done this to me. Cruel, malicious gangster girls...or "Cholas" who were members of a large and menacing Mexican gang that tormented the city for years. They had targeted me and were going to induce torture to no end before they finally killed me. I hadn't seen the girls in my dream, nor had I heard them tell me these things. I just knew...and they had just performed this particular act of torture on me when the dream began.
I nervously waited in the dank waiting room at the doctors office as the doctor took each and every one of the 20 other people in the room, ahead of me. Next thing I knew the doctor was getting ready to leave. I got up and limped after him as he was gathering his coat and keys. I chased him down the hallway, feeling the instruments in my leg move as I struggled to keep up. I caught him as he was opening the door to the parking lot, grabbing his coat and pleading with him to help me. Some of the staples and scissors had caused bleeding... He just looked at me and said he was sorry, but he was out of time for the day...and with that, roughly pulled his coat from my grip and disappeared through the huge metal doors that slammed behind him. I immediatly heaved the door open and screamed a very angry and frustrated, "FUCK YOU!!!" at his beemer as it exited the lot.
As the dream continued I ended up in another dimly-lit room, removing the staples and scissors with my own hands. The process was slow and I felt a dull pain as I pulled each one out. It was very strange that I actually felt them sliding out. Completely gross! By the time I was done my legs were covered in what looked like bloody scratches. Oozing, bloody scratches. Okay...I'll stop now. The last part of the dream involved driving home in the middle of the night. I distinctly remember the panicked feeling I had as I reached over to lock my car doors, fearing that the Cholas were on the prowl. Weird as hell. What the fuck does this dream mean?? I know I'm not anxious about my recent engagement...if anything it's a happy, exicted anxiousness... Hmmmmm...
Oh yea, and during the dream I couldn't get enough water. I was dying of thirst. I can attribute that to my relatively low consumption of water last night. Add to that fact the relatively stiff drink I had with dinner (one that so very knocked me out on the couch that I didn't even hear or feel Pickles flutter over to my shoulder from his cage that I'd left open during their playtime) and we have total dehydration. Needless to say that when I awoke to Ron getting into bed I had such a dry mouth that my tongue was stuck firmly to the roof of my mouth. EWWWW!!!!
So I get up to get guzzle a drink out of the bathroom faucet and come back to bed. Now awake, I ask Ron how his day was because he seemed a little upset as he escorted my drowsy ass to bed when he got home from work at about 11:30. He then uloaded his awful day on me, siting his best friend and the people at work for taking it just over the top of shitty. This is another thing that I love about Ron. It was now my turn to make him feel better. He empowers me in such a way that it feels so good to listen to him and make suggestions. We go back and forth with this and it feels wonderful. It's not just him patting me on the back and telling me that I'm not crazy, or telling me that, "he doesn't know what the tell me"... But still, his being upset kept him awake for a bit longer and in turn, kept me awake. So I'm fucking tired today. But I could tell he had been holding some things in and I made sure to drive home the fact that he NEEDS to TALK TO ME when he feels bad. It's only human to hate seeing the ones you love upset. That's another reason why people need support from each other.
I don't want to get into all that we talked about but I will say one thing, I HATE, with every fiber of my being, powertripping, egotistical, arrogant assholes. They seem to be surrounding and closing in on me. Makes it so difficult to keep up with the positive attitude. But self assurance and positive attitude are the tools that are supposed to get us through this. Right?
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