Apologies

I've been reading some blogs today in between my tasks. I discovered a new one today, Randomandodd. I came across an entry of hers that really made me think...in terms of my ex...

It's about time that I start to let go of the anger and the 'feeling of being wronged' that I've been holding on to for the past year. Well, I HAVE started to let it go, as I've mentioned in other posts...it's just not gone yet. I'm still healing. This is normal. Hell, it's all I knew for so long. Anyway, here are some things that I feel I should apologize to HIM for. As, nothing is EVER one sided. I have to start forgiving and forgetting so that I can move on. Here are the ones that really touched me. Thanks, Random.

1. "I'm sorry I called when I shouldn't have. It's better to leave well enough alone."

I would have had none of the awful hell I went through the very last time we got back together and tried again...during the time he was dealing with the fact he'd knocked up some chick he didn't love. I wouldn't have turned into a horrible, jealous monster. I should never have called him that drunken night in January. It was so selfish of me.

2. "Sorry for not being 'the one' and wasting your time."

Three years of happiness, thinking we'd get married... Then three years of breaking up with him and getting back together with him, making him think I wanted to work things out and eventually get married. Another selfish act. Which leads to...

3. "I'm sorry I pushed you away because I didn't know how to just tell you that I wasn't happy with you anymore." ...and get it the FUCK overwith!!!

Yup, today is another day of thinking too much. I'm analyzing again. Thinking about getting married leads to thinking about relationship patterns and a huge, sordid list of "what ifs". All I can do is learn from my mistakes, just like every other human being.

That's it for now.

Ba-a-ck to lyfe, ba-a-ck to re-al-ity

It's slow today at work and I'm dying for the weekend to arrive. This week has been boring. I miss Ron, I've barely seen him all week because by the time I get home from work he's at work. Then I have to spend the night at my brother's for the cat. Although last night was fun, I met him for his 'lunch' hour for dinner after I got off of work. His work is not too far from mine so we met halfway for din din.

I'm feeling down again this week. Not really DOWN, just...bleh. Bored. Not sure what to do with myself. It'll pass as it always does. All I feel like doing is lying around watching t.v. or sleeping. And I wouldn't mind doing those things with Ron. Yea, I'm a dork. I miss him. We've only been together a year though. Once we're married (I do believe we will be getting married perty damn soon...as we're both ready) I'll cherish alone time. Speaking of that...that's actually another thing I have to look forward to. Getting married! I'm excited. Really I am. I'm just...eh...this week. But I should put that one (getting married) on my list of why I should be happy. The list I MUST run through my head when I feel this way. Even though it doesn't help with the blob in my stomach.

Since I got back from my trip is when this feeling started again. Vacation's over. Back to life, baaaack to real-it-eee. I've had a horrid time getting out of bed in the morning. I'm not feeling very motivated at work because of the slow down. Actually, I'm just plain not feeling motivated at all. I hate it when I feel this way, like every day is just a chore. That's an awful way to live life. I know.

Well I'm looking forward to tonight at least. I'm meeting my friend for dinner at the Shabu Shabu place. I see her about once every three or four months. An old friend from one of my temp jobs, Rosemary. I think I may have mentioned her before. She's very open minded and is great to talk to. She always has wonderful advice, too. Not that I really need any right now. But I'm sure she'll help me get out of this mood some. Being social helps. And tomorrow is Friday. But I still hafta get outta cozy bed in the morning. Fuck.

Okay, there are a few things that I can work on. I should do them. The end of the day is coming soon. I can't wait.

Some highlights

Here are some highlights from the China trip written in an email to my friend last week. I haven't been in the mood to write about the trip much in here 'cause I'm a little tired of talking about it at the moment. I've been a broken record for a week...

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HAHA! No! But I DID pick up the "Chinaman's Squat" while I was there! When I got home I seriously hugged my toilet! I'm sure with all of your camping, you've had to take a squattin' shit... It's NOT easy man! Indoor plumbing is a wonderful thing. Especially a full sized toilet with a 'trap'...you know the curvy pipe in the back? That totally keeps the shit smell out...I never knew it worked so well.

The trip though, was wonderful from beginning to end. We got tons of pictures and even some videos! Melanie got these cool disposable digital video cameras. It was so much fun to 'document' our trip and all of the pics and videos turned out great! We lived among the people in our friend Devins hutong (a small grouping of small apartments with a little courtyard), walked up and down those dusty streets and used the public bathroom at the end of the street a lot. Ya couldn't shit in Devins toilet hole 'cause the plumbing couldn't take it. Most of the people didn't have indoor plumbing in their hutongs so there are public bathrooms everywhere. Some of the stories I have... Like the brawl our friends got into with the owners of a Peking duck restaurant. The customer isn't always right in China, nor are they immune to insults! Picture Melanie and I standing outside while Devin and his friend Harry (our wonderful, native host, I don't know what we would have done in terms of the language barrier if it weren't for him) are yelling back and forth at the owner and his wife! We had walked out (or tried to) because, instead of replacing our cold duck as Harry requested when we finally got the rest of the meal, the owner just took it away and insulted him! Devin was trying to get Harry to just give them the money and leave it alone, but he kept fighting. A hostess even came up and slapped him!! Then there was the full body message we got from Chinese prostitutes... Um, that one was my fault. We had been walking around and around looking for a good deal and this last place looked nice to me. I was tired of walking around looking and wanted to get the damn message already! I'm like, "SIGH, can't we just stay HERE??" I didn't find out until afterwards that they were actually prostitutes! Then of course there was the whole partying (with hash and beer) on the Great Wall experience. We hiked that mother fucker, slept in a tower, watched the sunrise and then hiked back. I'll send you some pics of the wall...yes, those curves go UP and DOOOooowwwnnn... and it's a million years old so the shit's falling apart. Crazy fucking hike! Oh yea, and to top it all off...their little girl doggie, Subway, was in heat the whole week!

Everyone was right, too... It seemd like forever until the trip. When it was finally time to go and all through the trip (which flew) everything was so surreal. Now I'm back and it's all over and I'm like..."What? It's over already?" Bleh. I'm still tired from the trip. It was 19 hours with a layover in Shanghai on the way there and 15 hours with a layover in Shanghai on the way back. Fuuuuck. I've never experienced a plane ride that horribly long before...

***************************************

So there. Some highlights. Woopie. It's time to go home now. I'm hungry.

FAH-LAASSHH

It's a rainy Tuesday. The first major storm of the season. What a storm it's been! Last week must have been summer's last sputter 'cause it was pretty damn hot during the day. On Saturday was an abrupt change in the weather. Lots of wind and much much cooler. Finally, some fall weather. I am very ready for it. Sunday brought clouds and by the evening, thunderstorms. OH how I LOVE thunderstorms!! Yes, I've mentioned this before. All of Sunday night and into Monday afternoon we had some knarly thunderstorms! THUNDERSTORMS! YAAAAYYY FOR THUNDERSTORMS!!! FLASH! FLASH! BOOM BOOM BASH!!! Uh huh. Yeaup. Them there thunderstorms is fun.

And that's all for the excitement. Life goes on. Not much happening this week. I'm pet sitting again. This time for my brother. He adopted a little black boy kitty from his old apartment. He's a really friendly, sweet boy with lots of personality. So the bro is gone until Friday and asked that I look after little Frankie man. It would be very easy except for one thing, Frankie is an outdoor kitty. My brother works nights so the kitty is out all afternoon and evening and doesn't usually return until about 10 or 11 at night. Then he sleeps inside, of course. So I have to spend the nights there. Ugh... It's fine, I just like to stay home once I get home. Ron doesn't get home from work until late so I'm not gonna see him all week. Oh well... At least it's just one cat and not a dog that'll shit all over the carpet.

Hmmm...what else... I did the shitload of laundry I had over the weekend. Felt soooooo wonderful to get it all done. The only shitty thing I have left to do is grocery shopping. I'm a little tiffed at Ron 'cause he said he'd do it last week during the day while I was at work. He put it off until the weekend and we were both gonna go, but that didn't happen. So he said he'd go yesterday...nope...he overslept...so he said he'd go last night after class...nope, too tired...so he said he'd go today...nope, overslept... ARRGUGHG! Yea, it's a little irritating when someone says they'll do something and they don't. It's no big deal, I know, I'm just a little pissy 'cause the kitchen is like Mother Hubbard's and now EYE have to go or it looks like it'll never get done. No prob. I'll do it tomorrow. Really. With all the other things Ron does. He IS very thoughtful. He's just a typical human male. I can't blame him for that. But I can still get irritated with him.

Oh yea, and it was my mom's birthday on Sunday. The family (mom, dad, other brother and sister-in-law, brother's MIL, neice, nephew, Ron and I) all met at an Outb@ck. That place is delicious. Yum yum YUMMY! And my mom LOVED the little tea set I got her from China. But when we were done eating and opening gifts, the ladies just kept gabbing and gabbing. I'm not really that close to my sis-in-law or her mom...or my oldest brother, for that matter...so I started getting bored. I mean, I love them all, it's just that we don't have much in common at all. We're opposites. I'm much closer to the brother I'm cat sitting for. He's a weirdo, like me. Anyway, I got so bored I started doing something I always used to do at restaurants when I was little and my parents kept talking and talking...I started making 'experiments' out of my water. Adding leftovers, salt, pepper, lemon, sugar, etc. to my glass of water and stirring it around. Fascinating. Yes, I'm still 10 in my mind. But I've established that already. Ron got a kick out of it. He was the only one.

Okay, I was just taking a little break from work. Time to get back to it. Gotta get the shipments out. I'm going to leave on time today for the first time since I got back from China. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.

Boring Entry over and out.

*KKSSHHHTT*

Toby and Pickles

Finally, a picture of Toby... MY Toby. Even though he looks like all the other parrotlets I've posted, he's MINE. Yea.

In't he cute?! Little tiny guy...My adorable little guy. He's warming up to me quite well. My favorite thing about him so far is his curiosity and playfulness. The minute I put a new toy in his cage, he's gotta check it out and play with it. I love it!

In Pickles news, I have started making some changes in the way I treat him. I am always complaining about how he regurgitates, humps (both mating behaviors) and plucks. He gets obsessed with mating and is always humping or regurgitating on his favorite toys. Well, before I left for China I took the hump/regurge toys out of his cage. This was to make cleanings easier on Ron, so he didn't have to clean up the piles of barf left by mister horny as he makes love to his twirly rope. The twirly rope is Pickles' favorite thing. It's what he's sitting on right here...

He just LOVES to puke on that thing. I finally took it out of his cage, along with another fuzzy toy he likes to hump. He preferres soft/fuzzy toys for his pleasuring.

I was gone for a week, too. Ya see, I made a mistake with Pickles...he is so bonded to me that he thinks of me as his mate. The past two springtime/mating seasons have been hell with him. He gets so obsessed, almost everytime I come over to play with him he starts doing the mating dance and humping his favorite toys. Stupid me has just let him do it, thinking it would take his mind off of plucking. It hasn't. Ever. So I've decided to try something new. Since I've gotten home, Pickles has made friends with Ron. Ron worked with him while I was gone. Before I left, Pickles would bite him when he stuck his fingers through the bars. When I got home, Ron showed me how Pickles not only doesn't bite through the bars, he lets him PET him too! Then he showed me a 'surprise'. He picked up one of Stan's old squeeky toys and started squeeking it at Pickles. Pickles started MIMICKING IT!!! It was so awesome!!!! Seeing those things made me realize A. Ron is an animal lover just like me and has the patience needed to get to know a parrot (priceless to me) and B. This is JUST what I needed to start changing Pickles undesired behavior.

I've decided to take away all but one of his hump toys. He had five! I've also decided to ignore his mating behavior when he does it towards me. Now when he makes the regurge motion and I just put him down. If he does it on the one hump toy I left for him (only to play with when he's out on the playstand on top of his cage) I walk away. I AM his object of sexual desire and this is WRONG. For more reasons than one, I know. I try to take his mind off sex by redirecting him, too. I've started 'communicating' with him with the squeaky toys as well as encouraging him to play with other toys. I ring bells, show him different ways to play with the toys... Parrots are so much smarter than people give them credit for. I've read so many books and articles about them and I can't believe I didn't try this sooner. And all the books say that you shouldn't develope a sexual relationship with your parrot. It's a lot easier to do so than one would think. Just petting them on the back gets them stimulated when they're sexually mature!!

Now I have the tools though...a parrot's favorite thing, once they're bonded and used to you, is attention from you. Their next favorite thing is vocal stimulation or any kind of interesting noise...bells, beeps, squeeks, speech... So if Pickles starts either sexual stuff or plucking, I know to redirect his behavior or just ignore it. That's how parrots learn. Positive reinforcement...works so well for them, and all pets! Isn't that wonderful??!

Hey, this shit gets me excited. It's a hobby and I love it. I love my birds...all my pets. It's my duty to make their lives as comfortable as possible.

So that's it for now. And no, I'm NOT going to get a life!

It's Allright...da-doodah-dee-doodle-dee

The day is over and I'm not an idiot anymore. All has been resolved. The best part is that what I was beating myself up over wasn't even worth it. My boss was completely understanding and told me that it wasn't my fault. Everything is fine. I needn't worry.

I feel much much better now, obviously. Very tired though. Stressing out sure does take a lot outta ya. I think I'm going to go home and skip doing laundry and/or grocery shopping AGAIN. I'm really gonna have to break down and do some laundry tomorrow though 'cause the underwear is diminishing yet again. 'Nuther lazy week.

Time to head home. Maybe I'll post some more pics tonight. I'll probably be on the computer some. I'm purging all the spyware shit off of it again tonight. Gotta do another major cleaning. Something about my computer, man... It just screams, "Come and FUCK with me!!!" Okay, buh buh bye.

Head in my ass

Sometimes I really hate being me. I am so fucking stupid. I fucked up at work with the fucking phones AGAIN. My boss is trying to cut costs and had me get rid of a couple of phone lines. So, trying to be efficient, I called the phone company last night before I left and got it all done. Wrong. I had the line with the security system removed and now they have to come out and it's gonna cost MORE money. FUCK! I'm never going to be able to do ANYTHING right. How in the fuck am I ever going to get anywhere in life if I can't even follow simple directions without confusing and fucking up the whole thing??? I HATE it when I do these things because I KNOW better! I just have a DUH moment and it's over!!! Me and my fucking DUH moments!!! I'm so tired of them! I'm so fucking STUPID!!!!!

Okay, I know this is totally negative and I really shouldn't put myself down. That's the reason I keep fucking up. I don't believe in myself. I need to have more confidence in my ability. I am NOT stupid!!! HAHAHA!!! Sure...

I'm having a horrid morning. Then Ron called to say that there is a fucking plumber at my house digging the place up because there is a leak in the water main. The plumber says that the landlord had gotten permission from me. Unless I'm losing my mind (which is very well possible) I don't remember authorizing that! The dickhead landlord didn't even call me last night to REMIND me that a plumber would be coming!!! ASSHOLE!

I'm just having a mild panic attack today. Seems everything is wrong. But it's not. Just panicking again. I know this phone thing is just a blip and these things happen. It's just that I could have done it right and I didn't. I'm lame. No I'm not. Yes I am. I think I need a career that involves only sticking my head squarely up my ass. I'm good at that.

I'm back

Whew. I'm at my first day at work, back from China. WOW what an amazing trip. Completely and totally amazing. I will remember this experience for a lifetime. Now I'm trying to adjust to everyday life again. It's weird. I'm loaded at work. I should get back to it. I'll post pics and talk about my trip when I have more time and am back to normal.

I'm HERE!

Helloh-oh-oh from CHINA baby!!! Yea, Devin's got DSL. Perty dayam cool. I am having SUCH a fucking blast I can't even beGIN to explain it here. 'Course I don't have the time. The wonderful details of this trip will come out, I'm sure, over time. I have only been here about a day and a half and I already have tons of fantastic pictures. Melanie also has a disposable digital video camera! We've taken about four 'movies' so far and they are fucking side-splitting hilarious!!!! Naturally. 'Cause ya just KNOW my friends and I are so damn funny.

So that's about all I can go into now. I'll be posting some pics just as soon as I get around to it. Which could be sooner...or later.

Oh yes, and it's amazing how uncomfortable and LONG a 14 hour plane ride can be. Wow. I really didn't understand the meaning of travel. Great experience. I'm so fucking glad I did this. I NEEDED this!!!!

Blah

Oh yea. I'm bored so I'll add another entry. I had a great weekend. I got some fantastic High Tech hiking boots that are the most comfortable shoes I've ever worn. I also got me a lovely sleeping bag, the first one I've ever owned. Now I get to go camping and hiking more often. Woopie woopie woo woo.

Friday night I got together with an old friend that I hadn't seen in about five years. No, not the neighbor. She didn't call last week so whatever. We'll try again when I get back. Anyway, the old friend and I had a blast catching up. Then Ron got home and we had even more fun. Wee.

Sunday was football and bbqing. Very nice.

I still have so many things to do for my trip. Ugh. I don't know where to start. I keep putting things off. I should be excited. I am, it's just that I'm really nervous. What if I forget my underwear?? I always have the 'forgot my underwear' dream before I go on a trip. Hehehehe... Everything will work out. Everything will work out. Everything will work out...

I'm feeling blah again today. Blah blah. I don't wanna blah but I gotta blah. Blah. I should be happy I have blah and that I'm blah. Blah. And the name of this entry will be...

Come ON now, people

I leave in less than three days. Still no passport. It was obviously lost (sitting on some shithead's desk) and I had to have it re-issued yesterday. This is something that should only take 24 hours. I am PRAYING that the green slip they gave me yesterday actually works and I will be walking out of that office with a passport TODAY. Then I have to run to the Visa office and hope it's still open by the time I get there. If not...tomorrow morning. I am stressing out so much. I'm not even ready to go. It's still an illusion.

Munny

Oh yea... And after all that spending last night, I'm even more broke. But again, it's mostly in my head. I need to stop worrying so much about money. It's good to keep tabs, but sometimes I get a little crazy over it. I enjoyed buying those items last night and I'm going to have even MORE fun shopping in CHINA!!! WWwwwwwwoooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Shittin' bricks

Okay, so what was I bitching profusely about the other day? "Having" to hang out with my two friends Cathy? I got together with them last night and had a good time. I put aside all the stupid bullshit that had been swirling through my head on Wednesday. I'll just attribute that bitchfest to the fact that I was in a bad mood that morning when I puked up that entry.

Cathy J. picked me up from my house at 5:30 and we headed out to meet Cathie H. at her work downtown. I was very thankful that Cathy J. offered to drive. She lives close to me so it was easy for us to carpool. I offered her gas money, but she politely declined... Cathie H. works as a production assistant and wanted to show us around the studio. It was very interesting. No really, it was! After the tour we walked to a touristy area speckled with restaurants and shops. We decided to eat at the "

G@oucho

Grill". I had heard of the place, but had never eaten there. It's Argentine cuisine...yes, it rhyms! In' that somethin'? 'Kay... It was yummy, yummy. I had a breaded meat dish served with muh very favorite kinda taters...red skin mashed. MMMMMMmmmmm. That right there made my evening. After dinner we walked around and did the girl thing, talked (gossiped) and shopped. We stopped at this cool little toy/collectors store and I got Ron an awesome addition to his ever-expanding H*twheels collection. He loves old F*ords and I saw a collector's edition set with a '56 Merc (At least I think that's what he said it was when I gave it to him) and a Model T. Darling. I got myself a little glass Koi fish to go with my glass animal collection. Then we had to stop at T*wer Records. Oh no...NOT THE MUSIC STORE! QUICK! TAKE MY WALLET!!! I went nuts. I got FIVE whole CDs!!!! I've been STARVING for new music lately. Before I had to be dragged out of there I got the new Beck album, Ray Charles, The Clash, Gorillaz and an old Foo Fighters... Aaahhhhhh...muuuzik. I'm satisfied for a little while now. After music shopping was a trip to get dessert, ice cream yummy yumm YUMMmmm. Yes, it was a loverly evenin'.

So now it's Friday and I'm stoked, duuuuude! I sure as hell hope to all that is fair that I receive my fucking passport today. I'm starting to shit bricks now. Yes, shit bricks. An old friend used to say that when she got nervous, I thought I'd pay tribute to that. Yea. It had better be in the mail today because I'm probably going to have a nervous breakdown an cuss out another government employee if it doesn't. I shall kneel to the passport gods now... Let us pray...

Oh yea, I finally took some cute pictures of Pickles and Toby. I'll try to post those later. They came out pretty well. I also took a pic of the new set up for Rosie. Ah, what would I do without my pets? Have a life? Hell no!

Nothing else is new at the moment. I'm just waiting for this workday to be over. I'm gonna go jogging again tonight after work. Maybe it'll be even easier than it was on Wednesday. Yes, Wednesday's workout wasn't quite as horrendous as Monday's. It gets easier and easier the more ya do it. What a novel concept! Why in the hell can't I keep it up? I can try... M'kay, time for more coffee. I'ma lil' tired 'cause Ronnie poop kept me up last night. Woowoo.

Inconsiderate

I'm an asshole. Cathy J. is right. I'm just being moody. Friendship is about sacrificing a little when you have to. Despite the fact that we're older and somewhat different people than we were in highschool, they still LIKE me and WANT to see me. It's been about three months since we've gotten together. What the fuck is my problem? I'm so damn selfish and inconsiderate sometimes it makes me sick.

Buggin' the PISS

Shit, I woke up PISSED this morning. Just PISSED OFF that I had to get up. I had told Ron to wake me when he got home last night, but he didn't get home until 11:00 in the pee-emm... He said he saw me sleeping soundly and didn't want to bother. Damn it! I miss him! And I am not a morning person. I've mentioned that at least a FEW times in here, humm? Yea. So this morning when I woke up and Ron was sleeping soundly next to me, I was selfishly PISSED (3) that I had to get up and he got to sleep in. ARRRGGHGHG!!! He gets to sleep in every morning! ARRRUGHGHG!!!! But he works hard at his job so he deserves it. Still, it PISSES (4) me off when I hafta get outta my nice, warm bed and he gets to sleep. This morning I guess my PISSEDness (5) showed because, according to Ron, I was slamming drawers and doors a lot. When I got out of the bathroom he was up, said he had to do some laundry. He even offered to do a little of mine. (Awww, now I feel guilty as hell...BAD me). So he goes off to do laundry because he couldn't sleep because I'm such a loud, banging, bitchy morning person. I managed to leave on time but was LATE to work AGAIN. I left at the same time yesterday and was a few minutes early. But no, not this morning. THIS morning there were five thousand trucks going 3 miles an hour and I think I hit every single fucking red light in existence. It's just been one of those mornings. More in my head than in reality. If I would just calm down and stop being in a bad mood, things would be fine. Things are fine. I'm just PISSED (6) for no good reason. Stupid, bitchy me.

Apparently I've flaked on my two friends Cathy too many times lately. I had forgotten about our planned get together last week and when Cathy J. called me on Tuesday night to remind me/find out what the hell was up with me, I told her that I was so sorry...I'd forgotten, blah blah, it was Ron and my anniversary (which it was) yadda hem haw yadda, I'm going to China in two weeks, planning, blah yadda. So she and Cathie H. got together without me. I got another email on Monday from the two of them asking about this Thursday. I basically said sure, so far so good, but something might come up, as a lot has been happening lately. When I sat down to check my emails this morning, there was one from Cathy J. telling me that she needs a final answer on whether or not we're going to get together with Cathie H. tomorrow. I've been soooo shitbrained and flakey with them lately and they just keep tryin'. It's nice of them to want to include me... I hate that I keep leading people on and hurting them more in the long run than if I just come out with the truth. All I have to do is TELL them that I'm freaking out and I don't really feel like going out to dinner or whatever 'cause I just can't afford it right now! Shit, I know how to answer them, but I don't want to disappoint them AGAIN. ARRRGGHGHGHG!!!! I can probably make it tomorrow night. Shit... I'll figger sometin' out. It's really no big deal.

So if the old neighbor calls today I'm supposed to get together with her tonight. We said we'd shoot for this week. Let's see if that happens. With her it'll just be a little outing for coffee and no driving, as she lives only about five blocks from me. My wallet can handle that. Let's see if SHE manages to bug the shit outta me. Buggin' the shit seems to be my motto today. I woke up with my shit totally bugged this morning. Ya know, I'm gonna go TAKE a shit. Maybe that'll help. I'll be back later, hopefully in a better mood.

Boom BOOM Shakka Lakka

I just wanted to say how much I LOVE the weather we're having! No, really, I'm not being sarcastic. We're getting the leftovers from all of the nasty storms that have been swirling about... We've been having thunderstorms since last night. I LOVE thunderstorms! Probably because I live in "sunny" California and we don't get much in terms of "weather" around here. I like the mild weather, but sometimes it gets rather boring. I'll be thinking much differently as soon as I leave this place and end up buried in snow or blown away by a tornado or hurricane. At least you can get away from those... Can't get away from earthquakes.

It has been confirmed that government employees are retards. Since I returned to work from applying for my expedited passport on Thursday, I have been calling and requesting that they put it in will call when it's ready, instead of mailing it as had been requested on my application. Nope. Once that shit is in writing, there is NO way to change it, apparently. With all the current technology, it is hard to believe that a simple message cannot be received by the powers that be... Ten times...TEN times I checked on the status and was told that they weren't sure, that theywould send another message via email and that I should receive a call from the passport folks. Last night I was told that my passport was ready and that I would be getting a call today with a confirmation number and time at which I should pick it up. This morning was a different story, "Oh, it's been mailed." WHAT???? I hang up and call back..."Looks like they didn't get the message, I'm not sure whether it's being mailed or sent to will call. Try back." I try back an hour later..."Oh, it's been mailed, it was mailed yesterday." Exasperated me,"ARE YOU SURE??? I keep getting a different story each time I call!!" "Oh, no ma'm, I'm sure. It was mailed yesterday. You should get it today or tomorrow." AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHGGGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!! I wanted it today because tonight Melanie and I were going to take them, along with our completed Visa applications, to her uncle. He knows someone at the Embassy who he is going to turn them in to so that we can get our Visas in a timely manner...hopefully within less than a week. This is the part I hate about travelling. Now I'm probably going to have to bring my app and passport to the Embassy downfuckingtown by myself. Melanie's uncle doesn't work so it's convenient for him to help us out. I HOPE it went out yesterday like the assfucks said, so that I get it today in the mail instead of tomorrow. It'll all work out. Don't worry... It'll all work out and it's gonna be SO worth a little frustration. Right?? Of course!

Nothing else too exciting going on. I went jogging again yesterday. It was pure hell again. My calves felt like they had knives sticking out of them. That's what I get for not keeping it up. But I managed to get through the whole workout. I felt GREAT afterwards. Tomorrow I'm going again.

Oh yes, I was in the cleaning mood when I got home from all that miserable jogging so I cleaned the fish tank. I cleaned out both filters and scraped all the algea. I actually enjoy doing that, I don't know why. Now it's sparkling gorgeous. Unfortunately, it seems mister weird fish that I bought a few months ago ate it...or rather, died and WAS eaten. I had a feeling that dragonfish wouldn't make it. He was too slow to get at the food. Oh well, the stupid thing hid all the time anyway. Hey, maybe he's a burrower and he comes out at night. That was a waste of $7 either way. I hate hiders.

Tonight I should go shopping for my hiking boots and sleeping bag for the trip. I don't feel like it. I just want to go home and watch a movie and fade out. The thunderstorms were fun, but cause for a fitful sleep. I'm tired again. Oh well, I think I should at least go check out Sports Chalet and get an idea of what I want. Although I LOATHE the mall and shopping in general... Oh well, I should do it anyway.

Fuck, I gotta get the shipments ready. Boring, boring entry. *yawn*

Eh

It's time to go home. I just wanted to add that I didn't meet up with the old neighbor last night. She called me, apologizing profusely... She had to work until later than she thought. It worked out well because I was so tired last night. So we're just gonna try again next week.

I notice that she seems to have aquired a very "valley girl" talk... Everything is "like" this and "like" that...very valley twangy. Interesting.

That's about it. I gotta go home and get some drinking done.

Hoo-yay

It's Friday! Again! It's a great thing...Friday. Ah, to be an office jockey who lives for the weekends. It's a living...

Yesterday's jog was all the hell I'd imagined it would be. The only fun part of it was using the new headphones Ron got me. They're awesome! The speakers go on my ears and hook behind them like glasses. The part that usually goes around the upper part of the head like a headband, is instead behind my neck. Those suckers STAY on! But the jog itself was misery because I'm a tad bit out of shape. That month or so of 'exercise vacation' is getting me back, big time. I'm not one who sweats too much and I sweat more yesterday than I think I EVER have. My entire back was soaked. There was at least two cups of moisure in the canyon between my boobs as well. Yuck. But I did it, got it overwith and was able to enjoy my homemade Juevos RRRrrrancherossss. And a bowl of ice cream. No beer or alcohol though! Replace one with the other!

This weekend there is going to be a lot of drinking. FOOTBAAAAALLL!!! Woo. We're going to Ron's friend Mitch's for a BBQ and football on Saturday night. Sunday we're meeting some of Ron's work friends at the local H@@ters for beer, hotwings and football. Yay. It's gonna be a guy's weekend for me. Should be fun!

Oh man, the shipping lady has decided to come over and babble at me while she works on stuff. Ugh. She's a sweet lil' 'ol lady but...but...*sigh* She always talks about the same things over and over and over and over. She's so excited about her retirement coming up. I'm happy for her, but I really don't need to hear about it a billion, trillion times over. She's gonna retire in the pilly-peens with her husband, who is over there at the moment building their house. But she tends to bash America a lot (over and over and over)...how expensive it is here, the shitty food, blah blah... How the pilly-peeno's are so much better at yadda yadda... Now, in response, I make sure to tell her how LUCKY she is to have been able to come over to this RICH ass (stupid) country and raise her pilly-peeno family with all the money she earned from being ABLE to work here... AND how LUCKY she is to be able to go BACK to the pilly-peens with all this MONEY to retire with! Ugh... Oh good, here comes another order for her to go back to the warehouse (and get the fuck outta my hair) to pack.

Looks like it's time for lunch. I've got my usual Friday work errands to run and then I'm onna get a sammie again. Yay.

Smellin' the roses

Well, I applied for my passport this morning. My appointment was at nine so I took a few hours off of work to drive downtown to the Federal Building. So it should be ready by Monday! My first passport! Wow! Isn't that exciting?? Yea. I guess. It's good for me to have one though. Everyone has to travel at least a little bit. Anyway, I was going to have them mail it to me. Since I paid (through the nose) for the process to be expidited, I'm supposed to get it by next Wednesday. Melanie told me that I should go pick it up on Monday, however, because we still need to get our Visas and that process takes at least a week. FUCK! I'm leaving in less than two weeks! Damn! I'm so excited AND SCARED! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Not much else going on today. Work is slow. I'm unmotivated when work is slow. What else is new? Despite all my exciting travel plans I'm feeling a little blah today. Not sure why. Lately I've been thinking that my 'feeling blah' is so selfish, given that all my belongings aren't floating down a river. I have that feeling again, like I need to accomplish something but I just damn don't feel like it. I'd rather smell the roses. Listen to the birds. Watch the sun set. Life is so short... I can't believe I'm almost 30. The next step is supposed to be getting married, starting a family, a mortgage... Bah. Do I want that? I want to get married, but... I don't know. Sometimes I just want to play it by ear. Let time go by and see what happens. That doesn't make sense. I might miss something.

Tonight I'm supposed to go have coffee with a chick I haven't seen in about ten years. She was a neighbor of mine. I ran into her mother at the grocery store a few weeks ago and she gave me her daughter's cell phone number, saying how much she'd probably LOVE to hear from me. We had an on and off, weird friendship. Actually, she's the evil one from an old entry. I don't know how to link entries yet. The particular entry was called "A tribute" and it's in one of my June entries. So I called her up and yes, she would LOVE to get together. Should be interesting, if anything. I'd like to see if she's changed at all.

Tonight it also jogging night. I am in NO mood to do anything. I feel so lazy today. This is precisely the reason why I SHOULD go jogging. Mabye it'll give me some fucking energy. Eck.

Tomorrow is Friday. Yay. I'll be back.

Sticky clod

I'm tired on this hump day. Ty-er-ed. My left knee is sore. I didn't stretch enough yesterday before I did my exercises. Yesterday was "focus on bad areas" day. Namely my butt and my abs. Some of those butt exercises made me contort myself in such a way that I must've pulled something or other. Ow. Advil and coffee will make it go away.

Last night was busy. I got into the cleaning mood, but still managed to avoid doing things that really need to be done... Laundry, fish tank, car wash... I'm very anal about my fish tank and I feel bad that I haven't been in the mood to clean it lately. I only have to really clean it about once every two months. It only involves draining the tank a little less than halfway, bleaching the plastic plants (1 part bleach to 5 parts water) and cleaning out the filters. I should do this on the weekend, but I've been so LAY-ZEE. The tank doesn't even look bad, to normal people anyway. There's a little algea on the plants and glass and the water's not as sparkly. Ugh. That's not as important as laundry. I'm runnin' outta undies again. And my car is a rolling dirt clod again. Even the steering wheel cover is kinda sticky. Ew. That's a new development from this weekend. Ron drove it some. Hmmm...

So maybe I'll get to laundry tonight. I dunno. I have to get something done but I'm in no mood. I know, I'm gonna go hit up the coffee pot again. Yea. Later.