Head in my ass

Sometimes I really hate being me. I am so fucking stupid. I fucked up at work with the fucking phones AGAIN. My boss is trying to cut costs and had me get rid of a couple of phone lines. So, trying to be efficient, I called the phone company last night before I left and got it all done. Wrong. I had the line with the security system removed and now they have to come out and it's gonna cost MORE money. FUCK! I'm never going to be able to do ANYTHING right. How in the fuck am I ever going to get anywhere in life if I can't even follow simple directions without confusing and fucking up the whole thing??? I HATE it when I do these things because I KNOW better! I just have a DUH moment and it's over!!! Me and my fucking DUH moments!!! I'm so tired of them! I'm so fucking STUPID!!!!!

Okay, I know this is totally negative and I really shouldn't put myself down. That's the reason I keep fucking up. I don't believe in myself. I need to have more confidence in my ability. I am NOT stupid!!! HAHAHA!!! Sure...

I'm having a horrid morning. Then Ron called to say that there is a fucking plumber at my house digging the place up because there is a leak in the water main. The plumber says that the landlord had gotten permission from me. Unless I'm losing my mind (which is very well possible) I don't remember authorizing that! The dickhead landlord didn't even call me last night to REMIND me that a plumber would be coming!!! ASSHOLE!

I'm just having a mild panic attack today. Seems everything is wrong. But it's not. Just panicking again. I know this phone thing is just a blip and these things happen. It's just that I could have done it right and I didn't. I'm lame. No I'm not. Yes I am. I think I need a career that involves only sticking my head squarely up my ass. I'm good at that.