Drowning

Hi. I'm having a hard time again. Not really in the mood to write. Things'er shit-teee. My mom is still in the hospital with a staph infection in her foot from stepping on the eeeensy weeeeensy piece of wire two weeks ago. She's had diabetes for 41 years and now is the time I'm really starting to worry about her. I got off of work early to make the drive to visit her yesterday, that was nice.

The weekend was horrible. I'm working on changing things, but my procrastination and turning a blind eye to what's going on is not helping. I honestly don't know how to deal with Ron anymore. His constant negative attitude, putting people down, putting me down, hating the world, everyone is stupid, everything is unfair... He's going to drink himself to death and I don't wanna hang around and get sucked down with him. That's what's happening. He says he's going to do things and never does because he's too t-i-r-e-d. No one ever does anything for him, no one every gives him anything, he's had to work so hard all his life, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah, blah. Then he turns it around on me... Well, *I* never do the things he asks, why should he do the things I ask? I'm so sick of his never ending circular arguing. I'm realizing that it's NOT me, it's him.

What's really driving me crazy is him saying one thing and doing another. He says he doesn't hate life, but his actions speak otherwise. He is a miserable man and he's dragging me down with him. I know...how many times can I say the same thing? I'm so tired of the constant complaining and negative shit. I am losing my mind and sinking into a terrible depression. I have to do something about it. Going to the couselor tonight to see where to start.

Hell, at least I have work. I feel horrible for saying those awful things about my boss a few months ago. I don't hate her. Sure, she's got a type A personality, can be an obnoxious busy body and likes money, but she's still a good person and she believes in me and trusts me. I'm not going to turn on her anymore, it's the least I can do. I can't lose my job and my freedom, I don't know what I'd do.

Okay, time to think positive...or try. I'm just drowning in my own shit right now and I'm so tired of it.