Thought patterns

Is May coming to a close already? Man, I really haven't been in the mood to write in here... Once I get started things seem to flow. I have to at least attempt to organize my thoughts. Coming back to read them over would be a good thing also...

What's going on in my world? Oh, it's the usual. I keep slipping and I'm not doing a very good job of keeping myself out of the hole. It's the bad thought patterns that are taking over. Which reminds me, I have homework from the therapist. I have to find a book he suggested that will help me train myself on the concept of cognitive behavioral therapy. I wrote about that in here a while back when I'd read an interesting article about it online. Well, I pretty much quoted the article and posted it in the entry. It was basically about getting and keeping hold of the power of your own mind to keep the anxiety and depression at bay.

Negative thought patterns can predominate so easily. They begin the chain reaction, naturally leading to the bad decisions that result in an unsatisfying life. This perpetuates the sadness. But life is only as shitty as you think it is. My problem lies in the fact that many experiences have trained me to think bad thoughts. I tend to focus on the negative and it contributes to how I handle situations and their results. I've gained other bad habits like drinking and smoking to "deal". Guilt makes me continue to keep them under control, but it's starting to become a struggle. I still have decent habits like managing to keep up somewhat of an exercise schedule, eating decent, keeping the apartment pretty clean (despite all the cat hair and feathers), making it to work every day(though not always on time) and good personal hygene. Yea, I'd better not lose that last one, that's when you know you're in trouble.

How to catch these nasty thoughts that swirl in my brain like flies around shit? The first step is to clean up the shit, right? Wait, no... First I have to kill the thing that's shitting all over my brain. That's the tough part. Change is the sword that will slaughter this beast. Anyone know where I can find this weapon? Within myself? Okay! I'll get RIGHT on it! Tomorrow...