Happy Berfday to meh and other bullshit

Haha! Remember this one? I'm not sure if I posted it here before... I probably did. I made it for Ron's birthday in October. I printed it all perdy on photo paper n' shyt.

So today's my day. It's been lovely so far. This morning I got the usual birthday song from my parents, except this time I wasn't able to answer the phone so they left the message on my cell. I'm so glad I have it recorded, it is simply priceless! Thanks, Mom n' Dad, I love you so very much, too.

In my quest to find this birthday drawing, I read some of my older posts, which I haven't done in ages. I was much happier at this time last year. My mind was in a completely different place. Interesting... As I've said a million times before, the year went by very quickly.

Damnit, I just spent way too much time trying to find a rare sketch from SNL that features Bill Murray and a bunch of parrots dressed up as little characters. Ron and I saw it and couldn't stop laughing, it was the cutest thing! I wanted to post it here but it's taking too much time to find. Shit!

Oh well, another not-so-interesting entry for today...

Actually, there's one thing that's sorta bothering me. I finally got off of Shitspace, right? Well, now I find myself on Fakebook and it's the same thing, except this time I actually know all of my friends. They're either cool people I've met on the 'net, or people I've met through the years. Then there are some from high school. You know, I really fucking hated high school and all the posers I had to deal with then. It feels like I'm kind of dealing with it again on Fakebook. I don't like when people add me and then never say anything to me again. Especially when it's my birthday and I see them on there and I happen to comment on something they posted.

Okay, I know, this is lame. I really don't like the chick anyway. She's from the group of friends from high school, more Melanie's "cool" friends from back then, the ones she met her boyfriend though. They're some of the idiots we went camping with last summer, whose drunken uncle died in the river. I've been trying to link it, but for some reason it won't work. If you wanna read the original post about it, go back to June 2008.

So this one chick "L", who was also camping with us and from the high school "cool" group, has been hanging out with Melanie some over the past year. Melanie is everyone's friend. She is social and happy and doesn't have all the stupid hang ups I do. Anyway, "L" had added me months back, I don't know why. I guess because she knew me from high school and also from the disaster trip. So I see that they had their first BBQ of the summer at Melanie and Ivan's (her boyfriend). I commented on it and so did a bunch of other retards. So I'm feeling kind of insecure and bad that I wasn't invited to this "party" of sorts. It was at Melanie's, after all.

Why do I care? Well, something else happened on that camping trip that I'm totally ashamed of. One of the guys hit on me. I'll call him Manwhore. He was also married (not anymore) at the time. Tequila took over and next thing ya know we're walking off by ourselves, only to be followed by Melanie and broken apart. No, we didn't make out, but I know the guy wanted to. Manwhore nd his brother are Ivan's friends from way back. They were neighbors. It was their uncle who died. Their dad was also there, another alcoholic who was three sheets to the wind the whole time. I know it was partially the tequila, but I really didn't care about going off with this guy. I was mad at Ron and admit that I liked the attention. It was so stupid though. The very next day, Manwhore was flirting with another chick from another camping group. He did so right up until his panicking uncle floated by in the river...

Then there was the funeral. So these guys and their family are drinkers. I went to the funeral, along with the other people from the camping group and other dicks from high school who knew the boys, the family and their uncle. It was okay, but I'm so glad I left when I did. It turns out that shit went sour a little after midnight. Manwhore had locked himself in the bathroom with yet another chick. Melanie was with the group, yelling at him to get out. My name was brought up... Anyway, it was very awkward and stupid and I shouldn't care about that particular group of people. They're assholes. Sometimes I really don't like Melanie's taste in people. Just because she likes them doesn't mean I have to.

Oh yea, and the last thing that really pisses me off... I remember Ivan mentioning to me, in a half drunken state about two weeks after the incident, that I was the strongest swimmer in the group and probably could have saved him. What the fuck is that shit? That right there changed my opinion about the guy. I mean, you NEVER say that to someone. How RUDE.

Again and again I ask myself... WHY do I let these little, insignificant things bother me? Because I'm so insecure and wear my emotions on my sleeve. Actually, it's more like a giant neon billboard. And I'm passive aggressive. I can never tell people how much they piss me off to their faces. I never stand up for myself the right way. That and I'm constantly comparing myself to others. In my eyes, everyone is more accomplished, makes more money and just...just has more. Christ, I really need to get a grip. That's a terrible way to look at things. Okay, so I know these things about myself. I can't fix them, it's how I'm wired. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable in my own skin...that's what's holding me back.

This was another entry written in spurts. I need to stop now and really concentrate again. It's that time of day and if I distract myself I'll never get anything done. It's my birthday but I should really do SOME work. I mean, I am being PAID and all.