Ah yes, the crazy girl. Speaking of crazy, I had a consultation with the psychiatry nurse last Friday. She's gonna send me a therapist referral soon, so that I can start getting this baby shit outta the way. Yes, baby shit. I need to get to the bottom of why I don't want any kids. I feel so alone in this decision. It's amazing how the world is so geared toward breeding. I've never noticed it before. Well, it doesn't help that the subject is sitting on my brain like diarreah...oozing and settling into the cracks. Mmmm...what an image that conjures up, huh?
Ya know, I love being nasty. And graphic. And gross. And plain old juvenile. It's fun. I dont't wanna stop. It's true, I don't wanna grow up. That might be part of it... Another part of it is the fact that I'm a nervous wreck. I don't want to pass that on. I don't want to deal with all the pain and misery. I know there are good parts but there's still a lotta pain and misery. I remember it. I was a child once. I don't wanna deal with all that shit. Is that so wrong? Does that sound like a big pile of excuses? No...it doesn't. I feel the way I do for a reason. There is ALWAYS a reason. I'm just a little foggy on it .
So the therapist....er...the nurse. She was okay. Typical family lady. I brought up my main issue and was met with the usual, "It's good you think about this now..." and "You'll want to be sure to have all issues out of the way before you have children." I dunno...I feel like everyone in my life thinks I'd change my mind of the circumstances were different. My mom agrees with my reasons and seems to understand, but will "still say you'd change your mind if your husband were more mature and responsible and you were able to be a stay at home mom at for the first few years..." Yea. Here we go again with the "What if's" huh.
*sigh*
We'll see who I'm referred to. And then we'll see if we can get Ron in there, too. We have to settle our differences on this. It's only healthy. I just wish I had the courage to get on with it. I guess I am. One step at a time...
2 comments:
It honestly Annoys. The. Piss. out of me that people treat the choice not to have children as so abnormal. I don't want the responsbility of caring for another human being for the next eighteen years (and more, since kids are leaving the nest later and later and do tend to come back). I don't want the expense they bring. I don't want the stress. I don't want the germs. I don't want to pass on my particular cocktail of genetic crap. I don't want to bring another human into an overpopulated world and strain our resources further. I don't want to doom a child to living in a world that scares the crap of ME, an adult. I don't want to deal with the noise, the activity level, the clinginess, or the mess of a child.
I don't want kids. And there's nothing wrong with that. *hugs*
Whoa. It sounds like people think you need some sort of treatment because you don't want kids. The hell? The desire not to have kids is not a psychological disorder. It's a lifestyle choice, and it does not require therapy or need to be "fixed."
Maybe a marriage counselor could help with your communication with your husband about kids, but ultimately, if one wants kids and the other doesn't, that's not something people generally change.
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