City cage

It's Monday again. The beginning of yet another week. How do I feel? Oh, the usual shitty. I hate Mondays. What else is new? Moving on...

The weekend was nice enough. Saturday we met Rons mom for lunch at a swanky little Italian place. We had a coupon and thought we'd try the place out. The food was fantastic! Definately going to make a return trip someday. I enjoyed seeing Rons mom again, it had been ages. She brought me a little surprise, too... A real birds nest that she'd found in her yard while cleaning the gutters. It even has a tiny egg in it! The perfect addition to my nature collection. It'll look lovely next to Rosie's skin in a bottle.

Sunday we got up early and went to our usual little cafe for breakfast. Then we went to the museum that we'd skipped last weekend. The LA museum of autimotive history. It was cool, took some more pictures of classic cars. They had a shitload of old H*twheels (gotta try to skip the real names of things 'cause I'm getting tons of stupid blog spam) on display. After the museum we rented some fun, lighthearted movies to spend the evening watching.

Yeaup. There you have the highlights of the weekend. Whee.

This morning I came into the office as usual and I opened up my emails while sipping coffee. I came across one from an email buddy in Washington. I met her on a website a few years ago. Very nice girl. Anyway, she had sent me another email over the weekend asking if I'd received her email from last week. I'd read it, but hadn't had a chance to look at the pictures she'd attached. They were of the new property that she and her husband just bought up in Washington state. Beautiful lakefront property. Soooo...I sat back, sipped coffee and checked out the pics so that I could respond to her email. As I looked at picture after picture of the wide open space, of gorgeous trees and hills and lake as far as the eye could see...the little ball of envy and sadness in my gut let loose (again) and I got kinda teary eyed. The little spoiled brat in my head screamed, "I WANT THAT!" I wrote back to her as cheery as I could...but then I couldn't help it. I had to tell her how I felt. Here's part of the email...I'd told her about not being able to move into Melanie's place in the paragraph before this...

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I was just looking forward to a change in scenery. I wanted to set up my 55 gallon tank, too. I'm tired of the tall 30 gallon. I might just do it anyway. I need a change. I really really really REALLY HATE where we live. I know it could be much worse, but 30 years in ***** is more than enough for me. I'm just gonna come right out and say that I am SO ENVIOUS of you guys. There! I said it! I want that scenery so bad. I hate the city, I hate LA, I hate the crowds of people, the pollution, the sirens, the helicopters. I know that we'll get out of here eventually. We're planning on getting to Colorado within about two years. But we have to save money. That means we're probably gonna have to stay at my little shithouse for all that time. *sigh*

I feel bad saying this, but I'm on a roll... I love Ron to peices, but why does he have to be in debt? I'm tired of finding guys who are in debt. I may not make a whole lot of money, but I don't have any debt and I've been responsible. It sucks to have to live like this. I hate this struggling. Ron is being very good and trying his best to pay his bills off and I feel very good that I can help him. And I know we're just starting out. But it's not like we're in our 20s. We have so much catching up to do and it sucks to watch my friends living in lovely houses while I'm stuck in this tiny shithole. I've voiced this to Ron, of course...not too much about the debt thing though. I don't wanna rub it in and make him feel worse. No one needs that. He just had a string of bad luck and made some bad decisions. He's human. I just hate being poor...especially in LA. I'm getting so tired of it. I feel trapped, like I'm never going to be able to get out of here. We've set a goal to work towards and I have believe we can do it. It'll all be worth it blah blah blah. I just hate going through it. I've had ENOUGH of this place...if you couldn't tell...pfft!

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Thank you for sharing the lovely pics, really. It gives me something to look forward to. One day we will have that view, too. It's a great goal to work toward. I think I'm gonna go home and measure that 55 gallon tank and get me a stand. I'll just move some junk over, dammit. I want my tank.

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Ron called a little while after I wrote this email and asked me why I sounded so down all of a sudden. I had to tell him how unhappy I am. He gave me a good idea. He told me to write down all the things that make me unhappy about where we are so that we can sit down and talk it out, put things in perspective. We both know that we're most likely going to have to move out of the backhouse before we can move to Colorado. It's just too small and Ron needs more room to go through all the shit he has in storage. We'll work this out. We're together and I have to be supportive and helpful. That's the only way we'll have a chance to get to the place where we can both be happy. Because neither of us are right now.