Bleh...another down day. I'm not feeling very enthusiastic at all. Ron brought me down last night. We talk on the phone a few times a night while he's at work and our last conversation didn't fare well with me. He was having a bad day (or night, I guess) at work. My attempts at comforting him were futile at best. He just doesn't have patience for people. He's gotten to a point in his life where people have disappointed him so much that he just doesn't have time for it anymore. He expects too much. Gee...doesn't THAT sounds familiar! But sometimes he makes me feel like an idiot. If I hem and haw on something, he jumps on me. He doesn't have time for "bullshit". Of course I've told him how this makes me feel (communicate! communicate!) and he acknowleges it and apologizes. He doesn't mean to make me feel that way and I've told him I understand this. It makes me feel a little helpless though, like I can't make him happy. Like I'm just another annoying person who is taking from him. Logic tells me this is not true. And I know that love isn't the answer to everything, but it sure helps a lot. I like to know that I am helping him. But he's got this attachment to things. People have let him down so much in his life and he turns to his things (mostly his bikes) that make him happy.
I know I'm probably overthinking this. Like I do everything. I just worry too much. I'm trapped. I worry that I'm not making him happy. I worry that he's not gonna have patience for me. I don't need this. I don't know. I feel shitty today. I feel like no one cares about anyone in this world. Everything is going to hell. Why fucking bother? No one cares.
1 comment:
people cannot make people happy - people have to want to be happy before anyone can effect another's happiness for the better... you could climb mountains and it won't make a lick of difference if he doesn't WANT to be happy, NOT that I know your situation. It's just in my experience, some people would rather disengage, disconnect and wallow a bit in either a blame/victim game or ignore their problems or deny opportunities to be happy, fearing that if they believe/go for it, they'll just be disappointed. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you/me... there's my 2 cents.
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