Being here

HI. The last few days have been...um...nice. Not much to say. I always start my entries without thinking about them. There's actually plenty to say since I last updated. My weekend was swell. I went jogging again on Friday. Saturday I went with Melanie to get my passport pictures taken. We also started a list of things we need to do and buy before the trip. This week's goal is to get my passport. I already have an appointment at the Federal building. I just need a certified copy of my birth certificate, which I'm going to try to get after work today. Sunday was the last beach trip of the summer with cousin Mark and the kiddie-pooh. The weather was nice but the water was way too cold to swim. It was an enjoyable day for all, anyhow. 'Cept Ron was a bit hung over from the Saturday night concert he went to with some friends from work. A nice boys night out for him. He got home at 3 a.m. all pumped from the experience. He said he wished I'd have been there 'cause it was so much fun and he missed me. Awww... Of course I was the good girlfriend and told him how happy I was for him that he'd had such a great time and that he needed it. We stayed up 'til 5 a.m., forgetting that we had made plans with Mark for the beach. I couldn't fall asleep because Ron was snoring like a freight train. That's another reason I didn't swim on Sunday. Too tired. After the beach on Sunday we didn't do much. I completely blacked out in the car on the way home. All I remember is getting on the freeway and then we were in my driveway. And my neck was killing me. I did go with Melanie to pick up our plane tickets from her dad. I have tickets in hand... WOO!

Yesterday was a slow day at work. Add the fact that some dipshit at the power company screwed up the works causing a MAJOR blackout... Not a very eventful day. Plenty of daily poo-poo work to do, but I just fibble fabbled around...did what I had to though. After work was an impromptu visit with Lisa. She's the new convert to the girl's side. 'Member her? I don't know how to link entries, but I mention her in one of my first entries. Anyway, I had to drop the keys off at her house 'cause I'd watched her kitties last week while she and her girlfriend were in Hawaii for a wedding. Fun fun. It was nice seeing her. Hadn't really talked to her all summer. I had a lot to tell and so did she. So we ended up talking for hours and then the three of us went to dinner when her girlfriend got home. I'm getting better with the whole thing, it's not quite so weird anymore. She's still having some major emotional problems, however. Poor girl...up and down, UP and DOWN. I can completely relate and tried to offer as much advice as I could. Namely...DON'T EVER stop taking your meds. She stopped over the week of the trip and has become an emotional ball of nerves. This is where my duty as a lifelong friend comes in. Gotta be there for her. Yea, all us fucking nutjobs gotta be there for each other!

Seems it's time for me to stop complaining about not having any friends. Since my little sorry for myself session about three weeks ago, I've gotten quite a few 'hints' that I have pah-lenty of people who care about me. Even little miss popular emailed me yesterday. YUP. The Myspace whore. She seemed quite apologetic. But now I know what kind of person she is. Kinda flighty. I don't "need" her anymore. My little backing off strategy worked for me and for her. Always does. That's life. So simple unless you complicate it.

Speaking of life... A fucking fleeting thing, life. Another email buddy told me yesterday that she lost two of her best friends in a car accident over the weekend. She hadn't talked to them in a few weeks. They died in a rockslide on Sunday. Holy shit. Another thing to blow me away. Put things in perspective, again. So many of those little "perspective setting" happenings. I'm feeling a little weird today, been thinking too much again.

Today marks 10 months with Ron. They've flown. It's almost been a YEAR. A year seems so short, compared to my six year ordeal with dickhead. But a year is a lot when you feel like you've known the person for much longer. Add to that fact the whole way we just mesh...and it's all good. He even got me a card. He left it out for me to discover this morning. It was beautiful. I'm so in love. It's a gift to be in love. Never forget it. Never take it for granted.

Okay, I need to get some work done so I can call Lisa. She needs to talk more. It's time for me to do what I do best...and just be there for her.

PARTY!!! Sure, that's what it is...

YEA! We're havin' FFFuuuun! Gee, is it a pic from last Friday? Why, yes it is! WWhhheeee are DORKS! Yes, yes we ARE!!

Look! We're hanging out! Isn't that exciting! Yea, Ron is sittin' on his amp just being the sexy schmoozer he is.

Portrait of me by Pickles' cage. I was a little 'out of it'. Shoving the camera at Ron..."Take a piccher! Take a piccher!" Dork. Fun being a Dork.

Cha-Cha-Cha-CHINA!!

Well, I officially have a ticket to China. I can't believe this...I'm going to China. I've never left the country and I'm going to China. How foreign can you get?? HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT! WWWEEeeeeeeHOooooooooooo!!!!!! I'm so excited! I'm gonna go fucking BACKPACKING on the fucking WALL! It's time to grab life by the BALLS I tell ya! Okay, okay... I just hope this getting my passport business isn't too complicated. Gonna be starting that process tomorrow, 'cause I ain't got much time! I'm going to CHINA!!!!

More poop

I'm feeling a bit 'Had' at the moment. I'm done spending money on vet appointments for Stanley's teeth for a while. Yesterday's appointment really pissed me off...as stated here in an email to my friend:

----------------------------------------

Stan is doing fine... *sigh* I got totally REEEEEEEEEEEEMED by that second vet I took him to...the cat specialist. I expected it to be expensive, but I guess I expected more of an answer. More of a difinitive answer, at least. I first took him there two weeks ago to be checked out. They took urine and gave him different medications. Cost me $230. They told me to bring him back in two weeks (which was yesterday) and in the meantime, fax in his blood test results (from an earlier vet visit at the other place that cost me $250) so that they could evaluate that along with the urine and rule out any other problems. M'kay... So I go back yesterday and the doctor looks at him for all of five minutes. Tells me that nothing showed up in the urine test and the blood test wasn't extensive enough to see anything, either... It SHOULD HAVE been! That damn blood test alone cost me $50! He said his gums look better though, which they did because of the meds and cortisone shot from two weeks ago. So he just gives me more meds (antibiotics and the same meds from two weeks ago, not sure what they're called but it's a therapy for this gum thing that's helped in the past) and tells me to come back in three weeks again... Okay...yesterday cost me another $130. Can you see a trend here? So I ask them what I'm supposed to do and tell them that I can't afford to keep coming back. The tech "suggests" that I do as much research as I can and see what's out there. Great! THANKS! Basically, these vets don't know what the fuck they're doing about this fucking disease. They're just "trying" new shit and charging me up the ass all the way. I'm sorry, but I'm mad. I've spent $600 on vet bills for Stan this year for his fucking teeth and that's IT. I love him to peices, but this is rediculous. I can't afford this anymore. This cat vet butthead said that he doesn't have it bad enough, where his teeth would have to be removed. He said he's seen much worse cases. Okay, that's some news at least. All the other damn vet kept saying is that his teeth are horrible and he's fat. This vet says he looks just fine. The other vet neglected to tell me that she is so worried about his weight because she's been treating him with cortisone and that is known to increase chances of diabetes in overweight cats. Never told me that... Just he's fat, he's gotta lose weight. HE IS 15 pounds! He's a big cat! Shit, lady! So I am FED the fuck up! I'm going to stretch out the meds they gave me and NOT go back to that place. My next thing is to check out homiopathic treatments...talk to people, do more research. I am done for now. Another expensive lesson learned. When all else fails I'm having his teeth extracted and getting him DENTURES! Shit!
----------------------------------------

So that's that. It's been a nice week. Last night Melanie called and talked more about going to China to stay with our friend Devon at the end of this month. She's going to stay a week. She had told me last week when she came over. I was amazed that she was already doing it. I asked her how and she told me...it's not as expensive as I thought! Then she asked if I'd like to go, too, 'cause it's a once in a lifetime thing to have someone you know staying in the orient. What the hell! I'm gonna do it! Now it's just scrambling to get my Visa and Passport. Her dad is an avid traveler, so he's looking into tickets for me. Hopefully it'll all work out. I don't have much time, but this is really something I want to do. An experience for the non-traveler. It'll be good for me...don't stress out. Hehehe...

Hmmm, not much else going on. Toby is still cute as hell and I'm going to try to get pics of him this weekend. I had him and Pickles out on the playstand last night and they're getting along okay...'cept when Pickles decides to be a little brat. But I think he's pretty happy about having another lil' birdy inna house. Yea...'cause I can tell, ya know? The birdies...they talk to me. *blink* *blink*

Plans for this weekend? One last beach trip with Ron, cousin Mark and his son. We're going to "the rock" beach again. It's just beautiful there. It's damn overcast today. I love it for a change, but it's not good beach weather. Oh well, we may just stay in and cuddle all weekend.

Back to work...I have errands to run. And then after work, I gots to run. Then I'm gonna go home and do a big poop. Yea. What IS it with the word poop, you ask? I'm just a weirdo. Later!

Alcoholic

Is it Tuesday already? UUGHGHGhgghgrrghghaaa!!! Poop turd shit holes! How can the long weekend go by so quickly? Why? WHYY??? It seems like only yesterday that I was slurring the words, "...and it's only FRY-daayy!"

My little get end of the summer get together turned out to be a blast. I've even got pictures!!! ...for a later entry. Those pictures will be included with the ones that I will be taking of Toby sometime in the near future. Didn't want to scare him with the camera contraption right away. I'm really bad at taking pictures, too. It's always like, "AH hell! You're right! I should have brought a camera!" The pics from Friday are really nothing terribly exiting. Lessee...we've got one of Melanie and I with half of her face cut off, a blurry pic of Stan and I with half MY face cut off... I think there's one of everyone sitting in the livingroom. Well, the livingroom/den/dining area. That's all I can remember at the moment.

It was the perfect social gathering of friends and everyone was so comfortable with each other. I'm still so amazed when this happens because hey, I ain't exactly the "social butterfly". Small, intimate gatherings of two or three people are my thing. There were actually FIVE of my friends IN MY HOUSE on Friday night! Melanie, Tyra, Dave, Mike and of course, Ron. Wait...he doesn't count. Does he? Well, I'll make him count. Hehehe! It was great though. We stayed up 'til the wee hours just talking, laughing and being plain silly.

Once again I will say, I could NEVER ever do this with my ex...have people over and be drinking and smoking (out) together. He'd always be afraid the cops were on their way to bust us all and therefore, eradicate all chances of him ever (ever) becoming a city or county fireman. NO offense to all city, county fireman/cops/good, straight people. Your services are of utmost importance to society. My ex's main problem was not accepting me for who I was around these certain friends. I could never actually BE myself around these people if he was there. So, you're in a field that doesn't allow drugs. You were never into them. So what, you still have to accept ME for who I AM. I'm sorry, I'm an artist. I like to drink and smoke. I like to, uh, travel in my mind. Yea, that's it! These are bad habits, I know, but I really try to keep them in check (bad excuse...ahem). I don't let things get too out of hand. He didn't give me credit for having a brain and knowing when enough is enough. And of course, I don't plan on "partying" for the rest of my life. I CAN'T when (and if) I have kids! Hell no!!!

Ron, by the way, has quit "partying" so much since he's over 30. I'm thinking I'll be slowing things down around 30 as well. His last drug experience was on his 30th birthday. Also, his current occupation does not allow for drugs anymore, as he gets random drug tests. He does have an affection for beer though and doesn't hesitate to have a few after a hard day...or...um...a day. But he's not into hard alcohol, I've found. Poor guy has gotten more than one nasty hangover from drinking too much vodka with me.

Gawd, I sound like an alocholic drug addict! But I'm not! Like I've said before, *singsong voice* I can quit whenever I want! No really, there comes a time in life when that shit's gotta stop. I never went away to college, I was a good girl all through highschool... Hell, it's okay to use my twenties to get some of this shit out of my system. Just don't let it take over. I have a head on my shoulders that works MOST of the time, so I know this. Really.

On to the rest of my weekend. BORE. RING. We were gonna go on a bike ride, run various errands, have a bbq, go to the beach, go to the movies, lalalalalala... The only thing we managed to peel our asses off the couch for was the bbq last night. It was just too fucking HOT to do anything else. I wanted to exercise but I was too tired! I should stick to the theme and say that it had to do with the copious (nice word, I like it!) amounts of cannibus inhaled by me...bad, bad girl!!! It wasn't yer typical stuff, however... I don't know WHERE my brother got this but I was in a fucking COMA for an hour after smoking. Then came the munchies. Holy beee-jeebus the munchies!!! Okay, so all I did was sit around and eat all weekend. Again. This is becoming an all too regular thing. I am a loser. Shit.

Oh well, back on track come today. I can't lay around any more. My back was killing me this morning...from all the laying around. I'm going for a jog tonight...or tomorrow. Either way I have to get some exercise again. For now I'm going to work on finishing my workday without anymore distractions. I must use what few brain cells remain. Fuck, that's not funny...

Thinking Thankful

I feel it's somewhat necessary for me to post something about the tragedy in New Orleans... It's awful to think about. I can't believe what's happened. Yet another reminder that I should be thankful for what I have. It's so easy to say, "Be thankful for what you have, it could be taken away at ANY moment", without really THINKING about it. Well, in light of what's happened over there...I'm thinking. Yes. And I'm thankful. And I'm praying...

Buddies

There's Caramel (the one with the lighter colored head)curled up with one of her new buddies, Shrew. Shrew is a dumbo rat. You can't see it in the picture, but dumbo rats have bigger ears that are on the sides of their heads. They're pretty funny looking little mutants. Hehehe... Shrew was a bit aggressive toward Caramel at first, kept chasing her and getting in little scuffs with her while we watched. It wasn't long 'til they settled down though. Not much longer (the next day, actually) 'til they were cuddling like this. AAAAaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

Soooprize, sooooprize!

Last night I got home and Ron had a surprise for me. Just because. I know...nausiating, isn't it? He may have his faults, but who the hell doesn't? He has proven to be such a thoughtful, caring man so many times over in the months that we've been dating. I guess I should enjoy it while it lasts and most importantly, REMEMBER these things when times get tough...as they inevitably do in all relationships. It's just the nature of the beast. I know it's still just the beginning, but we're just building the foundation of love that is needed for long term survival. Yes, uh-huh. I sound like Doctor fucking Phil. Anyway, when I got home last night he was like, "Go to the fridge and look over your right shoulder...follow the red flower..." So I do just that and what do I see? On my bookshelf is a little square wrapped in the Sunday funnies with a red hibiscus flower taped to it like a bow. Awwwww... I go over and sit on the couch next to him to open it. He got me the 4 DVD set of old Warner Brothers cartoons! I have been wanting that since it came out a year ago! I had mentioned this about three weeks ago, when we went music shopping. I had seen it on the shelf then and I couldn't afford it. Wow. He remembered. Damn, he's so fucking thoughtful!!!! I love him so much... 'Kay, don't puke...I'm sorry...

OH! One more thing... If that's not enough, later on in the evening he rescued Pickles off of the garage ROOF! Yes, I know all about birds and how they can fly even if they only have ONE flight feather and a slight breeze. 'Cept I didn't think about that yesterday when I took Pickles and Toby outside to show my neighbor's little girl. She reached up to pet Pickles again, after she'd pet him several times, and for some reason he freaked and took off. I just stood there slack-jawed, watching my pet fly onto the roof...waaayyy the hell outta reach. What was the FIRST thing outta my stupid mouth? "OH SHIT (naturally) I'd better clip him!" If I get him back alive, that is. If a fucking CROW or HAWK doesn't swoop down and grab his little bright colored, vulnerable as hell ass off the ROOF, THAT IS!!!! AAAAAA!!!! Amazing, I did not panic. I didn't have time to! Ron to the rescue! *Blaring trumpets* The guy scaled the fucking garage WALL. He jumped up and got ahold of the roof with his hands and lifted himself onto the roof, all in about 5 seconds! It was quite funny watching a grown man chase a waddling little bird around. Pickles: "Peep peep peep peep PEEEEPP!!!!" Ron: "Good bird, gooooooood bird. C'mere...c'mere...it's okay...GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT! C'mere...c'mere..." Eventually he was able to get Pickles to fly down to me...well, the ground anyway. *whew* Thank you, honey!!!!

Last night was pretty damn fun. After the bird fiasco we went in the house to commence watching cartoons. Aaahhhh... The simple life.

I'm looking forward to the long weekend, of course. Who the hell wouldn't be?? Tonight I'm having some friends over for an end of the summer party. We might barbeque, we might not. Who knows. We're just gonna party and see what happens. It'll be Melanie, Tyra, Mike and his friend Bam (nickname of course, I still don't know what his real name is) Ron and I. Just a little get together, gonna play things by ear. Melanie and I just LOVE playing things by ear! Mmmm-hmmm! We'll see what happens! Should be lots of fun.

I don't know what's up for the rest of the weekend. I'll probably spend tomorrow recovering from tonight. I really want to go on a nice bike ride again, perhaps a trail in the valley or something...since it's cooled down and all. Yup, the wind started blowing Monday evening and that usually means a change in the weather. It's gradually gotten cooler all week. Happy happy joy joy. I was able to exercise this week, too. Tuesday I did a full body muscle workout and Thursday I went for a jog. It felt great and I feel all skinny today. Well, not skinny...but, uh...muscular I guess. I will never be skinny, nor do I ever want to be. I like to be athletic looking. A little well distributed cellulite is not a bad thing. Just so long as I have a nice shape, which I do. This semi-regular exercise really helps me to keep in overall good shape. Not to mention, it helps me not feel so bad when I pig out.

Ah hell, Ron just called and he got another fucking parking ticket from parking on my street last night. He was on the wrong side again. Damnit! I hate my street. There's NEVER any parking and you gotta watch the signs like a hawk. They're like..."NO PARKING on Wednesdays between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m., NO PARKING on Friday between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m...." Gotta make sure you read the signs! Ugh.

Alrighty, time to get a little work done before I head out to get lunch for the three of us. We did very well in sales last month so we's gonna celebrate! Woowoowoooooo!!! Lookin' forward to a nice, huge sandwich. I didn't eat much dinner last night and therefore I am getting hungry.

Bye bye!

The Haps

Ah, reporting to the diary after an eventful few days. Well, not all THAT eventful, given the fact that it's so fucking hot again. No, I won't start another complaining about the heat rant. I promise.

First off that Toby bird is a piggy! He eats three times as much as Pickles! It's because he's such an energetic little fellow, constantly hopping from toy to toy and peeping gleefully the whole time. Little turbo Toby! And I was worried he wouldn't eat enough or adjust well. So far he's doing great and he's cute as a button. I love that saying...cute as a button. It's cute as a button. 'Kay, yea... I'm very happy with Toby...he's curious and playful and adjusting very well so far to his new surroundings and me. He just needs to settle into the routine now. He's still pretty apprehensive about me reaching into his cage to take him out but eventually he'll calm down and get into the routine as Pickles has. I'll have to try to get a picture of him, he's so pretty. I didn't realize how many colors of green and blue he had. And he's just going to get more and more gorgeous as he molts because he's got great eating habits. He's going to help me improve Pickles' eating habits, I'm sure. They did a great job with him and I'm very glad I decided to buy a bird from this particular store. They really know their shit!

Okay, on to my weekend. Friday night Ron came with me to drop Caramel off at her new home. Bless his heart, this place was in timbuck-fucking-toooo. It would have taken us only an hour to get there, but Ron pulled the typical guy-that-thinks-he-knows-where-he's-going-don't-ask-for-directions-my-mind-is-a-map thing. Ended up taking an hour and forty-five gas guzzling minutes ONE way. We got home much faster at least and I was very happy to have the company on the drive. Although the drive was the pain in the ass, I couldn't have been happier to see Caramel's new real esatate. And what a sweet couple! They were exactly our age and we had a lovely time chatting and joking with them while we watched the rats to see how they all got along. The cage this girl had for her two rats was a ferret cage, so it was HUGE. It had all kinds of toys...ropes, ladders, tubes, balls, platforms and hideaways...a rat theme park in a cage! She told me how she lets them out every day, feeds them fresh veggies and treats every day...just wonderful! These were her only pets so she doted on them, of course. The three rats got along famously. It wasn't long (after sniffing every orifice on Caramel) before they were playing and chasing each other all around the giant cage. I was so happy and relieved when I left. The girl is going to keep me updated on her progress, too. So far I've gotten an email from her telling me how great they all get along and that she'll send me a picture of the three of them cuddling. AAWWWWWWwwww!!!! What a happy ending. Whew!

On to Saturday, another blazing day. Ron and I decided to head to the beach for a bike ride. It was great fun until we were on our way back to the car. We had decided to park the car up on the streets, near a cool car show that was going on. So we parked, checked out the cars for while (Ron drooled over them) and then rode down to the bike trail by the sand. We about 15 miles north of the beach we parked at, to a strip of bars and restaurants along the docks of another beach. Once we got there we proceded to drink yummy beers at this bar Ron used to go to with his surfer buddies. Ron has exquisite taste in imported beer and before long I was kinda sorta shitfaced. I just had to try that one...aaaand this one...and, um...that one and this one. We made sure to sit around and sober up some before we made the ride back...by which time it was beginning to get dark. On the way back things got scary because I lost Ron. He got way ahead of me, as he always does and I kept expecting him to come back to get me...as he always does. So when I didn't see him for a long while I started to panic. Naturally. I decided to start asking people if they had cell phones I could use. Ron had his, but I didn't have mine...my first mistake. Before long I found a woman with a cell phone and she let me use it, although begrudgingly it seemed. I was obviously worried and upset, tears streaming down my face. She didn't seem to care...she had an attitude like, "would you hurry up, you stupid bitch..." So I tried his phone and he wasn't answering. I gave her the phone back and thanked her. She took it and gave me a weird look, something between a half smirk and a frown and walked off without a word. I thought...strange...m'kay, fuck you too bitch. Then I hurried on my way, panicking and crying the whole way. I reached the bottom of the street we'd parked on in no time, it seemed, because I was pedaling like a mutherfucker. Still crying and looking all around, not knowing what to do... I heard a woman call out to me. There was a nice couple in a van...ahhhh....I told them the whole scenario and they offered to let me use their cell phone. He still didn't answer and they offerend to take me and my bike back to the car to see if he was there. There ARE nice people in this world! So they took me to the car and in the meantime Ron called their cell...THANK GOD! He was on his way to the car...

It turns out that Ron had stopped to pee along the trail and I just merrily sailed right past him. It must have been in a spot where there were a lot of people and I didn't see him at all. He waited and waited for me to show up and then ended up back tracking to try to find me. He noticed a missed call on his cell and quickly called the number back. This was the woman who's phone I'd used first. I don't know what that woman's problem was, but she was extremely rude to Ron. He told me how she started actually YELLING at him, "Why aren't you with your girlfriend?! You should keep track of your girlfriend, she's with the police now!" Then she hung up on him. I was apalled when I heard that! How dare her assume such things! Ron was so angry that he called her back and said, "I'm sorry, we got off on the wrong foot..." And she says, "Yea, whatever..." To which he replies, "FUUUUCK YOOOOUUUUU!!!!" *click* By this time he had really started panicking, too, and was riding like a maniac through the stupid people who just INSISTED on walking on the bike trail. In trying to avoid hitting a couple, Ron ended up flying off the trail and crashing in the sand. He cut his wrist pretty badly. By the time he got to me, he was all dishevelled and upset. He was actually crying! Poor, poor guy... I felt so bad! I started crying and apologizing all over him. He started crying and apologizing all over me. It was like a fucking corny ass movie! "I'm so sorry!" "NO, I'M sorry!" "No, no no! I'm sorry! I thought I'd lost you!!" Eeesh. To lighten the mood I told him that while I'd been waiting for him by the car, I had to pee so bad that I'd just pulled down my shorts, sat on the edge of the curb and whizzed in the street. That picture, along with the still apparent puddle running under the car, set us both off laughing like dorks. Then we got the fuck outta there. We both blamed ourselves for the incident and promised NEVER to lose track of each other like that again. Little scary lesson there. We were so lucky nothing happened.

So that was Saturday...whew. Sunday we spent lounging, drinking homemade margaritas and watching movies all day. Then we got some crazy chicken and ate like pigs. Mmmmmmm...I was blowing the covers off the bed with my lovely, loud farts all night. DAMN those pinto beans!

I finally finally FINALLY went grocery shopping yesterday. I can't believe how long I put it off this time. Then I came home and cleaned up the mountain of weekend dishes. We weren't even home that much and we managed to dirty a shitload of dishes. But I finally have some energy again, even though it's hot out. I'm in the mood to get my exercise routine back on track. So tonight I'm staying at the office to do a small workout. Hopefully it'll be cool enough on Thursday for me to go for a short jog. I can't go too long without exercise or I feel like shit. It's almost time, I'd better wrap up...

Kinks are smoothin'

OH boy oh boy oh boyyy!!! Lil' Toby beerrdie beeerd is hoooome! Yaaayy!! I picked his tiny ass up after work yesterday. What a little pistol he is! He kept looking at me, cocking his little head to the side and eyeing me on and off all the way home. All the while he chirped to the radio with his cute little teeny chirp. Once I got him home, I took him over in his little carrying cage and showed him to Pickles, who chirped his approval...well, he made all sorts of noises at Toby...it was adorable. Then I took him out of the carrier to hold him a bit before I put him in his cage. He did NOT like that...he was nipping and nipping and that soon turned to BITING...OUCH! Actually, it wasn't too bad, he wasn't drawing blood like Apples the parakeet used to do. He was just scared to death, being in an entirely new place and all. So I finally took the hint and put him in his cage to settle in. I just have to work with him little by little and he's sure to come around once he's more comfortable with his new surroundings. Yesterday was a lot for him to take.

The lady at the store was great, too. She sent me off with all sorts of free stuff...three new toys, tons of good food and a new little carrying cage. So Toby is set. Although, I have to bring him in Saturday or Sunday for a weigh in, just to make sure he's not losing too much weight from being stressed and not eating enough. I hope he eats some of the millet spray I put in his cage this morning before I left. I like to call millet bird pot. The little tight groupings of seeds are all lined up on a big stem, just like pot buds... Hehe...and birds got nuts for it. They LOVE it.

Oh yea, and a funny thing happened when I was picking Toby up. A guy came in at the same time I did to pick up his little parrotlet. His was from the same clutch as mine. He brought in the cage he bought for the bird to bring him home in. The cage happened to be the EXACT same one I had gotten for Toby...'cept it was black and mine is white. The bird store lady saw it and RIGHT away said,"Oh, that's the perfect size for one parrotlet, that's PLENTY big!" HAHA! I so wanted to tell her about the pink elephant her husband tried to sell me! All I said was, "COOL! I have the same one!" Isn't that awesome?! I know...I get excited over the lamest things.

Very good news on the Caramel front! Wednesday, Ron and I had gone to the local Pe*co to see if they would take her. As it turned out, they had too many rats up for adoption already and couldn't take in another one. So we left and on the way home Ron told me that he wanted to keep Caramel and would take on most of the responsibility for her. What a sweetheart. Here he is, allergic to her, and he wanted to keep her. He said he'd go out and buy her one of those hamster balls to run around in and some more cage accessories. AWWW.... I thought this would be fine, at least until I found someone to adopt her. Well, yesterday I got an email from a woman who wants her! She's got two other female rats that are around Caramel's age and a huge cage to put them all in! I was so relieved and I let her know in my email with WAY too many enthusiastic THANK YOOOUUUs!!!!...I'm sure... So Caramel has a home to go to, one that is much better than what Ron and I would have been able to provide for her. The only catch is that the lady lives kinda far from me, about an hour or so. I'm just going to leave tonight when the traffic dies down I guess. I want to get her out of that lonely cage and into her new, lovely home as soon as possible.

I have SO learned my lesson from this fiasco. I will NOT get any more pets. Everyone keeps telling me, "Pfft, oh yea...FAMOUS last words!" This time I mean it though. I feel awful for running out and getting all these animals without thinking of how it'll be in the long run. That's so immature of me. I have to be a responsible adult now and take good care of the pets that I already have. It's going to stay at Stanley cat, Pickles bird, Toby bird, Rosie tarantula and fishies. That is enough. The next time I get an urge I will definately think of all that I went through this year. However, I AM proud of myself, as I should be. I DID manage to find homes for my unwanted pets. It all turned out for the best.

Last night turned out to be a blast. Ron and I went out for sushie. It was a special treat, as we can't afford to do it often. We went for the "All you can eat" special and it was wonderful. We stuffed ourselves to duh gills! Yes, oh so appropriate a saying when it comes to sushie, doncha 'tink? I actually think it's better when you don't get to do it so often, makes it all the more appreciated. Afterwards we went over to Melanie's house to hang 'cause I hadn't seen her in a while. A couple of Melanie's guy friends were there, too. We all had a great time being silly and laughing. Ron fits in so well with my friends, it's wonderful... I can't express how absolutely fabulous it is to have a boyfriend that I don't have to worry about embarrassing me. I didn't realize how important this was to a relationship. I'd always separated my friends and boyfriend when I was dating dickhead. Although I don't have too many friends, it's still important to me that I be comfortable having them around my boyfriend.

Well that's it for now. I can't wait 'til this day is over. I'm so glad it's Friday. It's hot as fuck out again. Oh well. I'll be sure to drink plenty of beer.

Nads

Okay, WHO IN THE HELL thought it would be cool to have fake NADS hanging from the back of their truck/SUV???!! WHO??!! What in the FUCK is THAT??

When I first came upon this atrocity, the said nads were in a black "sac" of sorts dangling from the trailer hitch of a very stupid looking truck which was an obvious "penis extension" to its lame driver. You know the kind of truck, accessorized to the tee and complete with the elevation reserved for a fucking RIG. One knew these particular dangling objects were meant to represent nads due to their authentic "one-hanging-just-a-smidge-lower-than-the-other" disposition.

I had hoped this phenomenon would not catch on, as it is completely lame, absurd, atrocious, disgusting and all of a string of many more unflattering descriptive words that I would be able to tack onto this sentence. To my ultimate dismay it seems to be in its infancy of doing just that...catching on, becoming somewhat of a trend. In the past six months since my first sighting, have been SIX more...and they're not all black anymore. Some have been just silver balls and others...others have actually been PINK. The most disturbing sighting thus far was yesterday's. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw pink ones hanging from what I like to refer to as "a pregnant rollerskate". I think it was a Geo or an Aspire or some other cheap, gas efficient pile. WHY???? I thought these obnoxious things were reserved only for those with the "balls" to drive huge, gas guzzling monsters! HUH??!

Of course this is just my opinion, but what is UP with these?? I simply HATE utterly retarded trends like these. This fits right in with those fucking "Calvin pissing" stickers. 'Member those? AARRGGHGHGHG!!!! OH and don't forget the dorks driving the huge SUVs with the "Family" stick figure stickers on the back window. "Look! This is how many fuckheaded lametards (like me) I'VE added to the overpopulated world thus far!" Yea, I know...me and my harsh opinions. People will do what they want and I have no control over it.

Sorry...I just can't help it. My inner cynic takes control, especially in the cyber pages of this diary where it is free to roam. It's much better to let it out here than let it get me killed in the real world. I should learn to control it and not let these miniscule things get to me so much. Ron tells me that often. I find myself telling HIM that, too. Just go on with life, do whatcher gonna do and don't worry so much about all the stupid, harmless things that other people do. Yea, in writing this I see just what a knitpicking BITCH I am. Oh well...just another thing to work on I guess. But I STILL HATE those fucking NADS!!! Hehehehehe!!!

Cat's Ass

Ya know, if I didn't have pets I'd be fucking rich. I knew yesterday's vet visit would be expensive, I just KNEW it. Too bad I love that fucking cat so much. Shithead. Why does he have to be so CUTE? WHY? Animals...ugh... Just WAIT 'til I have kids! Man oh man... The things that bring joy to my life are/will be worth their expense.

I'm glad I took him to another vet...it was a good idea to get another opinion/treatment option. 'Cept it's costing me so damn much to even find out what exactly is WRONG. But we're getting closer. I got another perspective from a vet who treats cats and ONLY cats. He knows what he's doing and he's seen Stanley's affliction several times. He told me that Stan's case isn't as bad as others he's seen and treated, which made me feel a little better. He told me not to bother brushing his teeth, which was another relief. It just irritates his tender gums all the more. He also gave me a different kind of medicine to ease the inflamation and pain for the time being, until we find out what's going on and can decide what the ultimate treatment will be. Oh yea, and he took a urine specimen. Poor, poor Stan. He had NO idea he could be forced to pee, I'm SURE. He actually gave me the "treatment" for a little while when we got home. That's rare for him. He was pissed...literally! I'm glad I brought him in though. I feel like we've made progress. I just hope we get to the bottom of this damn problem.

I got a call from the vaggie doctor yesterday, too. Good news, the biopsy came back as she thought it would...just the virus and nothing else. Thank you, oh wonderful vaggie doctor, thank you! I'll have to go back in four months for another test. She said it sometimes takes up to a year to go away. 'Til then I have to take my vitamins and quit this smoking thing. All the better time to make Ron get into a more healthy lifestyle. He really needs to quit smoking, too. He's cut down a lot since I've met him, but he needs to call it quits for good. Damnit. Fucking VICES...

I feel so out of it today. I don't want to do a thing. It's another slow day at work. I just want this day to end. I hate feeling this way and I hope it passes. I feel apprehensive, worried, depressed, anxious... Not to extremes, but it's there. It makes me so afraid to quit my medication. If I'm still feeling this way while I'm on it, imagine how I'd feel without it! Simple solution...stay on the medication. It's almost been a full year of taking it regularly and not skipping doses. It's helping a lot. I'm also trying to quit drinking so much. I haven't been up to exercising as much in the past month so I'm trying not to eat and drink as much. Especially beer. Beer is a very fattening culprit. I need to find more positive things to do besides smoke and drink. Not healthy at all.

Ugh...tonight is laundry night. I was gonna do the Caramel deed tonight, but that's going to have to wait until tomorrow now. Ron and I both have a ton of laundry to do. I don't think I'll want to do anything else after that. Once again it's all I feel like doing is going home and going to bed. I'm letting life overwhelm me again. I have to take it one day at a time. It's eleven a.m. now. I only have five more hours to go. Let them be productive. I have to take my mind off of this lump in my stomach. Look forward to going home and seeing Ron. Be happy for him, he deserves it. Life goes on..."long after the thrill 'o livin' is gone..." Hehehe, I need to get that album...as soon as I'm done paying off vaggie and vet bills.

Swell weekend

What a nice weekend. I even got some cleaning done! I still have a shitload of laundry and grocery shopping to do, but those things WILL get done this week. I've been putting them off for long enough.

So Friday's drive to the airport was just as completely shitty as I thought it would be. Altogether, I was on the road for three and a half hours. I surprised myself at how calm I was...the entire time. I didn't get frustrated or upset at the crawling traffic ONCE! I guess I'd sufficiently psyched myself up for it. It's probably because I knew it was Friday and that I had nothing to do but relax when I got home. Which is just what I did.

Saturday I was supposed to bring Caramel to the pet store. I didn't get around to it because I had wanted Ron to go with me and he was busy running errands all day. I've planned to do the deed on Tuesday, with Ron. I...I just need the support... So instead of dealing with that, I put it off to go to the bird store for another visit with Toby. I spent an hour and a half sitting with poopsie and listening to all the other parrots talk and scream. It was relaxing. For some reason all the parrot noise was comforting to me. Probably because I was in the mood for it. I don't know if I could handle all that noise on a regular basis though. Hence my choice of tiny birds with relatively small voices. By the end of my visit, Toby was nestled in my shirt between my boobs...a pocket parrot's favorite place to be. Every time I hold Pickles, he's gotta make at least one trip down there to cuddle and make his little birdy-purr noise of contentment. It's so cute, sounds like a little buzz. Toby's just a youngun' though, only about 10 weeks old. He's going to need a lot more bonding time. What's great is the fact that he's not petrified of humans. I've never started out with a hand-fed baby bird before. Hand-fed doesn't necessarily guarantee a tame bird, you still have to work to bond with them and keep them tame. But it's easier because you don't have to deal with a bird that shits itself when it sees you coming at it. Getting past that stage takes a lot of patience and understanding. I was able to do it with Pickles and Leonard, but I don't want to deal with that again. So Toby will be ready to come home by Thursday of this week. He's been eating solid adult food for the past week or so. YAY!

After the birdy visit I wasn't in the mood to do much else but lay around and watch movies with Ron. It was nasty hot again on Saturday and that just turned me into a puddle of sweaty pooh. We got some fast food and set up a comfy bed in front of the t.v. for a nice evening of movie watching. Sunday we got up fairly early 'cause Ron had more to do and I REALLY had to clean the house. Then we were going to my parents for a bbq. So I got on the dusting, vacuuming and mopping while he did his thing. We were done and ready to go by 1:00 p.m. Amazing! We got to my parents by about 2:15 and enjoyed a lovely afternoon of chatting, drinks and ribs. It had been WAY too long since I'd gone out to visit my parents. They've only seen Ron a few times since I've started dating him. It was nice to spend some time, just the four of us, so my parents could get to know Ron some more. All in all it was a great time...

By the time we got home I was exhausted. I don't know why...probably the combination of the heat, lots of yummy food and, of course, the flow of beer and wine. So after a little winding down it was off to bed to sleep like the dead 'til the alarm went off this morning.

I'm here alone again today, which is nice. It's not too busy. I'm going to leave about ten minutes early so I can get Stan to the vet. I made an appointment at a cats-only vet to get some input on what else can be done about his teeth. The other vet is reluctant to just go ahead and remove the bad teeth so I want to see what this one says. I'm tired of spending money on antibiotics and medications that don't work. I'll probably go by whatever this vet says. I just want to ease poor Stan's mouth pain.

Okay, it's time to get back to work. Break's over. I'll be back later.

Woe is me

I am bored. I want to go home. I have to drive my boss to the airport. The shitty, FAR AWAY airport. Sunnuvabitchhole. FAAAWWKKK!!! At least it's Friday. I will try to remember that as my butt is falling asleep from sitting in traffic for two hours. I'm rushing to finish things so I can forward the phones and we can hit the road as soon as possible.

My dreaded doctor's appointment went well yesterday. All she saw was a common virus that causes slightly abnormal cells. Some people get it easily, some don't. It's supposed to go away on it's own. I just have to quit smoking and take vitamins. Quitting smoking shouldn't be too terribly hard since I barely smoke as it is. She also took a biopsy to make sure there is nothing else. I'm a little worried about that, but she'd said that everything looked fine so it should be okay. It's just a precaution.

I've exhausted all avenues in trying to find Caramel rat a home. I feel awful about the whole ordeal. I've tried the internet, friends, aquaintences, schools... No one wants her. So I'm going to have to resort to the pet store. I have a couple in mind that should slim her chances of being snake food. There are some nice people at these places that I'm sure will understand.

I just can't give her the attention she needs, especially since I'm getting this new bird. Between the two birds and the cat, my attention is stretched far enough. I try to say hi to her and pet her for a little while each day. I bring in her cage when Ron's not there and open up the top so she can run around...although she never comes out, she's so shy and easily stressed. She really needs a rat buddy. I can't get her one because two rats is even more of a smelly pain. This sucks...I CANNOT EVER get any more damn pets!! It's not fair to the animal! I should never have gotten these rats! Why do I feel so damn guilty?? It's because I would always think down on people who did what I am now DOING to innocent animals. Well THIS time I'm learning my lesson. Damnit.

Well I'd better get going. I have quite a bit to do before it's off to the land of the asphalt. I fucking HATE driving to the fucking AIRPORT!!! ARRUGHGGHHGGH!!!

Humpiness

Hurray for Wednesday! I'm happy it's hump day...and that's about the only thing I'm happy about. I'm very tired today. I really need to get back on track. Everything has been so screwed up this month...actually this summer... I feel like I'm always tired.

Yesterday I got some good news about the children's book project I did illustrations for. My partner called to tell me that the very first publisher she sent a manuscript to, six months ago, has decided to review it for publishing. She received the letter on Monday. Now, she's sent a manuscript to several publishers over the past six months since we finished it and this was the very first one. Pretty exciting! I never hold my breath when it comes to these things though. I'm just happy to get my stuff out there. We'll see where it goes...but so far so good!

Speaking of children's books, last night I finally made it over to Marguerite's parent's house (she's been living in France for the past three years (we've been good friends since highschool) and went over a children's book idea that her dad had. He and I had been discussing collaboration on a project for years. He writes for fun and has written three movies and two short stories over the past 10 years. A few months ago he had given me a copy of a children's book that was inspired by Marguerite when she was 5 or 6 years old. It's an adorable story that explains emotions to children using colors. So he'd asked me to develop a child character and I got around to it last week. We set up a get together to look at my drawings last night. He really liked them. We were able to decide how much of the story needed to be edited and make an outline of drawings that needed to be done. This is just the preliminary stuff though...and who knows how long this project will go on or if we'll even finish it. It's just a fun learning exercise anyway, which is cool. Plus, what's a get together of two artists without plenty of wine and pot? Hence my tiredness today...

Well I'm hoping to get my new bird THIS weekend... I've decided on a name for him...Toby. His cage is all set up in the living room and I've been brushing up on my parrot rearing skills by reading that parrot book I got last month. Yay. Can't wait 'til the weekend.

I miss Ron and I just wanna go home and cuddle with him because I'm feeling down again today. I'm worried about my doctor's appointment tomorrow. I hope it's not too expensive and I REALLY hope there's nothing terribly wrong with me! I just wanna go home after work, but I have to drive to my other doctor's to get my file. Ugh... Me and my mood. I know, the usual. Tonight I really need to stay sober and go to sleep early. I had a terrible time getting out of bed this morning and was almost late to work again. I should be in a better mood tomorrow...I'm going to try. But I just want to get through today and it's going so slow. I just wanna do what I gotta do so I can go to bed. I'm so lazy.

Analyze THIS

Fuck I think too much. I'm fucking insane! I was reading through my entries this past week and I'm exhausted by my own thoughts!! I simply must learn to relax! All of this overanalyzing and justifying is simply unnecessary. The stress will kill me, literally.

Pfft! RELAX?? What's that??! It's more like contentment. Someone who can say they're almost completely content with themselves/life is rich to me. That's what we're all striving for, right? Of course!! Happiness and contentment. Treasures that get buried deeper and deeper as the world progresses.

I'll just have to keep reading and writing until I make some progress. Hell, I already have! For now... Until I forget about it again tomorrow.

Great to hear from you!

I got a call from Kim last night...my friend who lives a few hours away from me. Kim is another animal lover like me, we met at one of my temp jobs about five years ago. She's the one who lost her beloved dog, Dakota. Poor, poor girl. She and I talk on the phone and email from time to time...not as much this summer because we've both been pretty busy. She has been especially busy because of her new horse training job. It's so wonderful that she's finally gotten that off the ground. That's been her dream. It was very nice hearing from her and we talked for a long while...caught each other up on everything. We may not see each other or talk as much as we'd like to, but when we do it counts. After our conversation, I felt very good. I didn't realize how much I miss her. We really need to plan a get together soon

Yesterday after work I went to the bird store to check out parrotlet cages. I went to the place I'm getting him from to get their perspective on what size cage I should start him out in. Then I was going to compare their prices/cages to those at a cage warehouse Ron had told me about.

I shouldda gone to the warehouse first and foremost. *sigh*

The first cage the guy showed me was fuckingrediculouslyhuge, as I thought it would be. Salesmen. Fuck. This thing was the size of a fucking TRAILER. The dimensions were something like 36" tall by 24" wide by 28" long. Mind you, this is for a FIVE INCH BIRD. Oh, but he's "very active" and "no cage is too big." DUDE...COME ON! I'm thinking..."no way no way no way NO WAY..." I calmly ask, "How much?" $280. Uh-huh. No way no way no way no waaaayyyyyy!!! That's $120 MORE than the bird I'm purchasing. I usually go by the rule that the cage should cost less than the bird. I know that sometimes it doesn't work out like that, but it does in MY budget. I asked what the next size down would be and it was only about 4 inches smaller all around and cost $20 less. I said I understood that the bird needs a good sized cage, but I still needed to go a BIT smaller (shiiit) which brought him to finally show me something that resembled normal dimensions for a tiny ass bird. Although I thought the last model was a tad ugly, it would do and I agreed to it. He said he'd bring one in white today, when I'd scheduled to see the bird again and inquire with the breeder (his wife, who wasn't there yesterday) on when the bird would be ready to come home...whether it be tomorrow or next week.

With that I left and went to the cage depot, as I choose to call it. HOLY SHIT! Walls and walls and WALLS of cages cages CAGES! All kinds of different models and sizes to choose from, all at great prices. Needless to say, I was there only ten minutes and I had already picked out and bought the perfect cage, complete with a stand. It was one I'd had in mind, sorta in the shape of a house with a little mock "roof" on top. Very cute, same size as Pickles' cage and will fit nicely into my livingroom...unlike that disproportionate pink elephant of a cage I was first shown at the other store. I don't care WHAT that guy says, this cage, at 18" x 18" x 24" is plenty big for a single tiny parrotlet. He'll just have to jump back...and forth. Shit! I'm gonna let him out for playtime almost daily. He can run around the outside of his cage, the separate playgym I have set up on top of Pickles' cage, my body... Give me a break! Anyway, I sorta made an ass outta myself though (what the fuck ELSE is new, I seem to be doing that A LOT lately) and called the guy back at the other store to tell him not to bring in the cage today, that I'd found one. Of course he asked how big it was, how much...I just fibbed a bit on the size, said it's about as big as the last one he showed me, which it WAS...gave him the low price I paid, which was the truth... He just said, "Ooh-kay", and then I thanked him and he hung up. I didn't really know how else to handle the situation. I mean, better to tell him that I found a cage and not make him waste his time bringing in a cage I wasn't going to get. Better to get it overwith yesterday instead of going into the store today and having to tell him. Although I should have thought about what I was going to say a little more before I called him. I sorta sat there hemmin' and hawin', the awkward situation that it was... "Hi, your cages suck, I bought one that will actually fit into my livingroom at a way more reasonable price somewhere else so you can just shove THAT sale right up your ass!" So when I go there today to see baby, NO mention of the cage. I won't say a word. Chances are he forgot anyway.

Okay, time to finish things so I can get out of here on time and get to the bird store so I'll have time to play with my little guy. Then I gotta get home to Ron and give him lots 'o lovins. He's had a particularly tough week, too. Maybe I'll be on later to add some more sensless babble to this thing.

Me and my emotions...letting GO

Yesterday was one of those days that was too much for me to tolerate emotionally. After everyone had left work for the day I sat alone at my desk and bawled my eyes out. It was just one of those days...I was feeling sorry for myself. Ron called in the middle of my sniffle session and I couldn't hold back the tears long enough to talk like nothing was wrong. I'm terrible at that. Espcially when I'm in the middle of it. He consoled me over the phone and told me to calm down and come home to relax and tell him all about it. So even though I wasn't done with what I'd intended to do, I got the hell outta the office and drove home. Through my pathetic tears I told him all about Dakota's death, my pap results, feeling like an ass at work (even though everything is fine and I DID get my raise after all) and my lonliness. He just listened, hugged and consoled me some more. We sat down with a couple of beers and talked calmly after my tears stopped. He made me feel so much better and I was finally able to relax. Then I wanted to be alone and he let me be while I went into my room to read. Then I put on my headphones and fell asleep to some tunes. Next thing I knew it was midnight and I had headphones on my neck and cord twisted around my shoulders. But my bottom half was covered with a blanket a la Ron. Sweetie pie.

I basically need to learn not to let people get to me so much. The same thing I ALWAYS basically need to learn. I'm still way too sensitive and worried about what people think of me. Sometimes I try too hard. Sometimes I let people make me feel like I owe them something. I'm too easily minipulated by my own out of whack sense of guilt. Sometimes I'm too genuine and give too much only to be easily taken advantage of. Sometimes I hold back when I shouldn't... What I should do is sit back and not give such a huge shit about it. No one is worth it until they've proved themselves to me. If they don't like me, fuck 'em! I have to STOP WASTING ENERGY ON THESE FUCKS WHO AREN'T WORTH IT!!!

I guess what got me thinking is the fact that I just stopped talking to my ex's best friend. And he made me feel very bad about myself. All we were doing was instant messaging here and there. Not very much at all, mostly while I was at work and needing some social interaction. But I realized that I really needed to completely cut all ties with him, as I am in a somewhat new and serious relationship now and he was a very very short rebound relationship after my ex. I don't need him in my life, why am I still talking to him? It's not right, to me, because there was sex involved and it's ALL OVER. It was over before it started. I always thought of him as a pervert because he was so obsessed with sex. Gross. I sent him the last instant message, telling him that I was sorry but I didn't think we should talk anymore. He was "hurt" and rude to me in return. He thought we were "friends". I don't believe in being friends with men I've had any sort of sexual or emotional relationship with. I know it's not always that black and white, but it's generally a good idea to cut ties with those people, ESPECIALLY when you are in another serious relationship. Unless you were friends for a long time before it got more "complicated", so to speak, I don't really see a reason to carry on. This fellow betrayed his best friend. I rebounded. That's it. It's over. There are plenty of other people out there who ARE worth my time. This was a situation that made me think of how I need to communicate my feelings better and be more confident. Don't let this guy make me feel bad. I don't owe him anything. I need to let it go, let go of the people that I don't feel are good for me. Don't lead them on, don't sugar coat it. It wasn't cool of me to still be friendly to someone who I didn't really want anything to do with anymore. Boredom again...I wanted to instant message with someone at work. Maybe get a little gossip about the ex. In the end I'm glad because I want NOTHING to do with any of that past. Those people should remain in the past. Time to completely let go.

OH just get OVER it, will you?!

This day sucks. I just found out that my pap results are abnormal for the third time this year. Now I have to go to the fucking gyno AGAIN and get another type of test. I hope my insurance covers it. I hope I don't have cancer or some other disease.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling lonely and sorry for myself lately. I'll snap out of it like I always do... Sometimes it's hard to be all alone at the office day in and day out. I like it because I don't have to deal with assholes, but then I miss people. There are still nice people out there and I want to meet them. But I'm bad at it. Well, there just haven't been very many opportunities to meet new people lately. I know I have a great boyfriend and a couple of very close friends that I've known all of my life...but I long to make more friends. Oh hell, get over it and get on with life...

*sigh*

Okay, so yea...just got back from a meeting with the boss. Seems my approach in asking for a raise was a bit out of character to him. Good thing he knows me well and is very understanding. Another lesson learned by me. Seems I'd psyched myself up for this asking for a raise so much, that I came off with a sort of an attitude that I should not have had. He said it just wasn't like me and he could TELL I was nervous. GAWD I'm lucky. I simply MUST count my lucky stars. Any other company would have kicked me out on my sorry ass by now. So then I got more of an evaluation and took note of a couple of things that I need to improve on...mainly my lateness. Typical, I figured... And I did get the raise I needed! HURRAAAYYY!!!! I am soooooooo damn lucky. Now...keep doing a good job and be consistent and GET MY ASS HERE ON TIME!!!

Now that that's all done I'm very sad about something else... My friend Kim's doggie died of kidney failure yesterday. I got an email from her this morning. I feel like I've lost one of my own pets. Dakota was such a sweetheart. I'm really gonna miss him. I feel so bad for Kim 'cause she was so attached to him. She adopted him as an older dog, so she only got to spend about five years with him. He was one of those animals that had a special spirit. He will be missed. A moment of silence for dear Dakota...