Flying

Shit! It's been a week already?! I guess it's time for an update. I just got in and I'm organizing my day. May as well stick an entry into my morning. This is probably going to take me about three hours to write, as I'm working in between. Like right now, I'm gonna put a pause on this and go up to get my coffee. Then I have to go over some things with the boss before she leaves for some meetings.

Okay, back to the desk... *sip* SO. It's been a fast, but good week. The biggest news is that Ron and I have found an apartment! WOOOOOOOooooHOOOOooooooo!!!! It's actually in my old building where I had my first apartment. I'm renting the back house from the same landlord and he called me up one day last week to tell me a place was available. I'd asked him a few months ago if there was anything in his area and to try to keep an eye out for me. I love the area, it's about 15 miles north of where we live now, in shitsville. A little bit further of a drive to work, but it's so worth it. We checked it out last week, it's a large one bedroom. Only $300 more than what we're paying now, for a lot more room and closet space. Enough room for two full grown adults. Think of that... It's got a walk-in closet in the bedroom, central air/heat and a DISHWASHER! Joy... Ah, but moving is going to be such a BITCH. We've got tons of things to organize and throw out. Two words...STORAGE UNITS. Ron's got two of them. But it's gonna be like Christmas in July! I'm sure he's going to rediscover things he forgot about years ago. This is going to be a nice, new beginning for us and I'm looking so forward to it...as you can imagine after all of my constant bitching about wanting to leave the craphouse I live in now. Even though it's going to be stressful, it's going to be a fun kind of stress.

In other haps, my cousin Mark (the one who introduced Ron and I) married his longtime girlfriend this past Sunday. Finally. They've been together 13 fucking years. Yep, two months ago he called Ron up and said they'd decided to up and do it. Hmmm...so I guess he just needed a kick in the ass from his best friend. It was a nice, budget wedding. Simple and lovely. We had a great time and saw quite a few of the same people who'd graced our wedding. And the food was so very good. You know what I love about salad bars? You can start out with a teeny pile of lettuce and still end up with a gargantuan salad. I love baby corn.

Yea.

Well let's see...I guess that's it for now. At least I'm in a good mood this week. Let's keep it up, shall we? I actually have to concetrate now. Work is calling. I'd like to get some things done today. I mean, DONE done. Have I mentioned how much I love working with my boss lately? She's RAD. I'm so happy she came back.

Later!

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, huh...

So the four-hundred-and-FIRST entry is much more interesting (well, to me anyway) than its predecessor. I stumbled across this article on msn this morning and found it quite interesting... This makes so much sense to me. Maybe I CAN deal with my anxiety disorder and its resulting depression on my own...someday. Thanks there, lil 'ol Hara Estroff Marano...

Q: What is the best way to deal with depression and anxiety?

A: Quickly and definitively. Whatever kicks them off, depression and anxiety both are maintained by styles of thinking that magnify the initial insult and alter the workings of the brain in such a way that the longer an episode exists, the less it takes to set off future episodes.

Anxiety and depression are probably two faces of the same coin. Surveys have long shown that 60 percent to 70 percent of people with major depression also have an anxiety disorder, and half of those suffering anxiety also exhibit clinical depression symptoms.

The stress response system is overactive in both disorders. Excess activity of the stress response system sends emotional centers of the brain into overdrive so that negative events make a disproportionate impact and hijack rational response systems. You literally can’t think straight. You ruminate over and over about the difficulties and disappointments you encounter until that’s all you can focus on. (YES! THAT'S HOW IT FEELS!!!)

Researchers believe that some people react with anxiety to stressful life events, seeing danger lurking ahead everywhere—in applying for a job, asking for a favor, asking for a date. And some go beyond anxiety to become depressed, a kind of shutdown in response to anticipated danger. People who have either condition typically overestimate the risk in a situation and underestimate their own resources for coping. (OH MAN am I guilty of this!)

Rather than developing the skills to handle situations that make them uncomfortable, sufferers merely avoid what they fear. (Uh-huh *cough* art career *cough*) Often enough, a lack of social skills is at the root. Some types of anxiety—panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and social phobia—are particularly associated with depression.

The fact that anxiety usually precedes the development of depression presents a huge opportunity for the prevention of depression. Young people especially are not likely to outgrow anxiety on their own; they need to be taught specific mental skills.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) gets at response patterns central to both conditions. And the drugs most commonly used against depression have also been proven effective against an array of anxiety disorders.

Although medication and CBT are equally effective in reducing anxiety/depression, CBT is better at preventing return of the disorder. Patients like it better, too, because it allows them to feel responsible for their own success. (That would be nice.) What’s more, the active coping that CBT encourages creates new brain circuits that circumvent the dysfunctional response pathways.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches people to monitor the environment for the troubling emotional land mines that seem to set them off. That actually changes metabolic activity in the cortex, the thinking brain, to modulate mood states. It works from the top down. Drugs, by contrast, work from the bottom up, modulating neurotransmitters in the brainstem, which drive basic emotional behaviors.

Treatment with CBT averages 12 to 15 weeks, and patients can expect to see significant improvement by six weeks. Drug therapy is typically recommended for months, if not years.
Exercise is an important adjunct to any therapy. (Uh-huh...YES) Exercise directly alters levels of neurohormones involved in circuits of emotion. It calms the hyperactivity of the nervous system and improves function of the brain's emotion-sensing network. It also improves the ability of the body to tolerate stress. What’s more, it reduces negative thinking and changes people’s perception of themselves, providing a sense of personal mastery and positive self-regard.

Hmmmm...

HOW many??

Wow, apparently this is my 400th post. Amazing. I didn't know I had it in me. I had no idea I could spew so much bullshit into cyberspace. Ah, but here I am. Wasting time... Well, it's more like waking up. I'm having the most difficult time waking up this morning. Got into work, got a few things organized, made coffee...now I'm trying to start my first project of the day and decided to write a blog entry instead. Even though I have nothing to talk about. I read other blogs that talk about politics, pertinent issues of the time, news, amazing life events or just plain great humor. What do I have? Hmmm... "Today I'm gonna go jogging." "Today I'm gonna do laundry." "That bitch hurt my feelings." "Look at my stupid doodles." Fascinating, I know.

Actually, I DO have some news. I'm so proud of Ron. In a few weeks he's going to be graduating. He has completed his four year electricians apprenticeship program! He's been working very hard and it's finally going to start paying off for him. The actual ceremony is on July 21st. I want to do something special for him, but I'm not quite sure what that is yet. I wanna surprise him... Muh lil' kewdie. I hope this means that someday soon, maybe in the next year or so, he'll be able to start working days. I'm SO TIRED of this schedule of his. Now that the schooling is over, he's going to be working late every night during the week. He used to have class on Wednesdays and get home a little early... Now it's FIVE nights of lonliness. Just more time for me to find things to do. There's plenty to do.

Hmmm...what else? Gawd, I feel so blah. I shouldn't write entries when I'm feeling so terribly blah. I think that means I should get back to work. The coffee's kickin' in. I gotta pee. Maybe I'll be back later to write about my navel.

Red, white and poo

Happy day after July 4th. It sucks the holiday had to land right smack in the middle of the week. I would have enjoyed another long weekend. The day was nice, although hot. Welcome to another blistering summer. Maybe we'll get lucky and move into a place with central air conditioning. We had the little window unit pumping away yesterday so my brother, mister-runs-hot-and-starts-to-sweat-when-the-temp-gets-above-65, would be comfortable when he came over to give us our wedding gift...a new BBQ! He came over and put it together so that we could have our holiday BBQ on it. It was a nice time and my brother and Ron got some time to do a little male bonding. Awww... No, we didn't go see fireworks. Too many people, not enough patience.

Nothing much else going on this week. Finally managed to do laundry on MONDAY. Yes, I put it off for the rest of last week and through the weekend before I just did the shit. Oh the piles and piles I had to put away yesterday. I'm feeling better emotionally, but physically not so well. I think I might be coming down with a summer cold. Not a good idea to sit too long in front of the freezing air conditioner. I fell asleep with it blasting last night and woke up in the middle of the night freezing. This morning I was feeling okay, but as the day goes on I'm getting snifflier and snifflier. I've also got a blasted headache. OUCH. The work I'm doing today isn't helping, either. I've had to re-size about a jillion pictures for our website. UGH. sOoOoOoOo tEeEeEeEeEedius. I'm about ready to go home now...an hour early. That would be nice. I shall go home and rest. I've been so lazy in terms of exercise this week. I'd been doing so well but with this heat I haven't had energy at all! And dnow I tink I'mb geddin-guh SICK. WHAHH!!!

Well that's all for another exciting entry. Back to re-sizing a few more pics until my eyeballs DO fall out of my head.

Later.

Well, the days go by

And I still feel kinda shitty. Today is feeling better than yesterday, at least. Not quite so down. I swear, I had absolutely NO energy yesterday. My jog was pathetic. I could barely keep up the pace. Then I went home and just crashed. Maybe it had something to do with getting my blood drawn yesterday morning. I figured it was about time to check on the status of things. I should check on my cholesterol and such, just to be on the safe side. I also went to the doctor to check on my meds. The mood swings have not been settling down and I've been very hard on myself and others...*cough* Ron *cough* So I'm gonna go ahead and up them for the next few months. I figure, what the hell, why be miserable if I don't have to be?

Speaking of miserable, today is laundry day again. Oh joyous of joys. I can't possibly put it off another day. *sigh* The boring monotany that is day to day life. I hate chores. Ah, but I should count myself lucky that I'm even alive another day to do chores. I should be happy that I HAVE chores. Right? I guess I'd rather have monotany than total turmoil. Wasn't that ME complaining a few months ago about how everything was so INSANE? Now that it's calmed down I find myself restless again.

Everything is going to be fine. AAAAAAAaaaand repeat...

Wow, I haven't posted on a Sunday in ages. Here are some of my favorite drawings. Most have been posted at one time or another. One is new, found an old sketch book. Anyway, it's been somewhat of a stormy weekend in terms of mood. It's been kinda sad.

In conclusion...

Yep, still in the birdy mood. I found some lllloverly parrot pics yesterday... Lookit tha perdy scarlet macaws! I love it when they're all fluffy on the perch like that. Just relaxin' away, they is. AWWWwww!!!

Thought about my lil' 'ol situation with the friend last night. Like I said, we have been living different lives for a long time now. She has got a lot on her plate and I have to accept that. If she can't hang out when she visits, that's her choice. I have to give her room and not get all pissy and whiney because it's such a waste of energy. I swear, I could light a medium city for three months with the amount of energy I waste on all these emotions!

Now for the self pep talk...

This anger toward my friend is caused by one simple thing... Insecurity. I keep thinking she's mad at me, or I did something terribly wrong. There is nothing wrong. Let it go. And the stupid letter I wrote to whoreface the other day... I hate that I still have such insecurity that causes such terrible jealousy. What the fuck do I care if she doesn't talk to me any more? It's gone on long enough. It's HER loss, not mine. Again, she's a totally different person than I am. I am not a dork or stupid... Who fucking CARES! Heh, yea Zen... Don't let 'em rent space in my head!

Who's pissing me off now?

In the birdie mood today... I just re-did my MEEEEEEspace page with perty blue hiacynth macaws. I needed a change.

So what's going on this week? It was another nice weekend. No major upsets or anything! Anyway, I'm so relieved to have a new person to help at work. It's even better that she happens to be very nice, efficient, English is her first language AAAAAaand she's POLITE. No more insults from the old shipping lady. The old Philippino shipping lady (the boss' half sister) had left for many months, as she was going to retire in the Philippines. Well, things changed in her relationship with the hubby and we needed her help back here soooo...back she came! With her insults, too! It's so nice to hear how much weight you've gained since you got engaged/married, isn't it? I have gotten better at firing back to her though...mostly friendly fire. I just tell her I'm aware of the weight gain and I'm happy with my body thankyouverymuch. The thing is, she's not the brightest bulb, you know? She doesn't realize how tactless she is. It's pointless to get angry at her 'cause she's basically a nice lady who is set in her ways.

Okay now, so how about the latest in friends who let me down? I know, who's pissing me off now... Well, lemme tell ya! I've been insulted by a longtime friend this time. We've been friends since high school. She's always been a sort of difficult person to get along with. It doesn't help that I put her on this pedistal... She's either very sweet and saying or writing the nicest things to me or she's rude as hell. But some people are like that. Since we met on swim team in tenth grade, we've certainly had our ups and downs. I chose to deal with it because she was such a cool and interesting person to me back then. Many of the downs had to do with jealousy (there's that ugly word again!) on my part. You know, the typical insecure lame shit...the ugly duckling next to the gorgeous, popular blonde. I have to say that by the end of high school, she really did help me feel better about myself. We had a great summer before she left for college.

Her leaving for college was just the beginning. She didn't have the greatest childhood and wanted to get out of her home town. I can't say I blame her there! I admire that she has been travelling abroad and studying ever since. She comes to visit her parents and old friends about once or twice a year. Things were fine with the occasional visits and nice birthday cards up until wedding planning started. We'd had a wonderful visit last August and then came the holidays. I wondered why she cancelled our get together at the last minute before she had to leave...she left me a message on my cell. I got peeved and didn't call her back. Then I received an email explaining that things really DID come up and she just didn't have time to visit with me and...why would she want to spend her precious little time at home visiting with someone who didn't even CONSIDER her as a bridesmaid? And so the email argument ensued. Well gee, as I mentioned before, I see her once or twice a year if I'm lucky... My favorite line from one of her emails, "I thought I was your real friend..." 'Kay. If YOU'RE my REAL friend...shit, I shudder to think. Her even MENTIONING something like that to me, in the rude manner that she did, finally took her off of that pedistal I'd put her on so many years before. I really shouldn't be insulted. This was BOUND to happen. We've been going in different directions for years! She's adventurous, bold and brave...I am afraid of change, nervous and scared to leave this place that I've been wanting to leave for SO LONG. I admire her, I really do. It's just time to let her go as well...

Some more backround while I'm at it... She's the one with the 13 year old autistic brother who has really taken to me over the past year. He's a sweetheart and very into pets. I've taken my birdies to their house had a couple of play dates with him...with and without his sister being there. Then he got my phone number. I'm not sure if I or his sister gave it to him, but he has been calling almost every day for the past 8 months or so. I've talked to his parents and to him, trying to get him to call less but it hasn't helped. Of course, he is autistic and it's not his fault. Now I take advantage of caller i.d... I do enjoy talking to him, when I'm in the mood. But not every single day. Or even every single week! I don't even talk to my best friend that much! And I hate talking on the phone! But it's not fair to take my bad feelings for his sister out on him... He called the other morning at 7:30, as I was getting ready for work. I've told him before not to call me in the morning or past 9 at night. He needs reminders of course because he just doesn't have the capacity to understand time and such... That particular morning I was in a bad mood 'cause...well, I HATE mornings. So I was a little short with him and told him I'd call him back later. I didn't get home 'til late and forgot to call him. He called again the next day to tell me that the reason for his morning call was that his sister was home. Oh goodie! So I talked to him some and then his sister. Turns out she's got a paid internship in New York! Yaayy! I'm very happy for her because she's worked her ASS off for it... So she'll only be in town for a little while, she's not sure how long, before it's off to New York for the summer. Gone again. Yea.

Weekend goes by, she and I had sorta discussed touching bases on Monday. Her brother calls Monday evening and we talk awhile. I ask to speak to his sister so we can discuss getting together before she goes again. I hear him asking her...then he gets back on and tells me she's busy visiting with her grandparents that she hasn't seen in a long time. The same grandparents, I think, that she told me she was visiting for two weeks this past month. I'm not sure though... I ask if tomorrow night is good. I hear him ask and then, "Well, she's really busy..." She didn't even get on the phone with me. So I told her brother to have her call me when she has the time....BUH BYE...

I don't know... I think I'm being too sensitive again. But last time I checked, SHE was my friend and not her 13 year old brother. Oh, but she made it to my wedding! She made sure to point that out in a recent email. It was a lot for her, I have to admit. She was 8 hours away, writing a thesis and getting ready to graduate for a two year program. Plus I'd mentioned I'd try to make it to her graduation...that was right after my wedding. Who the fuck was I kidding?! But I really should have at least sent a card. I did purchase a card and gift a few weeks ago when I finally had time. I was going to give it to her when we got together this month. I felt guilty and emailed her telling her thank you for coming and all that...and also sent her a thank you for the lovely gift... I don't know if she got either though, 'cause she was supposed to be in New York and then in Arizona at her grandparents during the past few weeks.

So there you have it. The long, boring story. Gawd, women are so lame! We have all these damn *feelings*. I'm just going to leave the ball in her court. Leave her alone. Let her be mad at me for whatever it is I did. And NOT take it out on her little brother.

THE END.

Pretties

Well, good 'ol Zen is at it again! These bracelets are her latest works. Aren't they GORGEOUS?! Look at the little birdie!!! I love them, she sent them to me as a wedding gift. She is the sweetest thing. I still owe her a fairy painting! Shit, I really have to get back on the art. The fairy painting is the perfect way to do it. I just have to find a nice painting place... Thank you, Zen!

Then we have the wedding bling I never showed you. A better picture of my engagement ring, too. Ron was so romantic. He bought the set together when we got engaged in November 2005. He kept the wedding ring hidden from me for a year and a half! I was ssssooooo surprised to see it when he slipped it on my finger during the ceremony. Many people told me how they say the split-second expression of awe on my face! It's such a beautiful set, I love it. So elegant and simple, my favorite!

So there you have it, the jewelry I'm wearing today. Happy Friday!

What are you so mad at?

I don't know. For some reason, lately... I can't help myself. I keep flipping people off. Mostly people driving like shitheads...while I'm trying to cross the street. Some dude turns right in front of me before I can step off the curb to cross. *flip* Some asshole punks gun the engine at a stop sign and start to go as I step off the curb to cross? This one was particularly bad...I didn't just *flip*, no, I ran out and jumped in front of the car as it came to a screeching halt a foot in front of me and *flip*... I'm going to get myself KILLED! There is an anger inside that won't stop. Well, it's simply GOT to stop. Going around flipping people off isn't exactly going to solve anything, now is it?

How 'bout I try another way of releasing my anger? How about writing a letter? I've seen it done on countless diaries and blogs. Here goes:

Dear Prick Driver:

Is it too much to ask that you be the least bit considerate of the people around you? Obviously, it is. I hate you. I wish I could launch a granade (from a safe distance, of course) into your precious BMW/Mercedes/Hummer/Explorer/Escalade/trendy new Mustang and watch the lovely shower of shrapnel. That's not an option, unfortunately. Instead, I must learn to deal with your repeated rudeness. You're so important, aren't you? Gotta get where you're goin'! Gotta make more money for yourself! Take Take Take! FUCK YOU.

Sincerely,

Seacreature

And how about another one to that fucking whore I can't seem to take off of my MEMEMEspace friends list. All she does is piss me off now. I simply MUST get over it. I'm a million times the person she is. I don't understand this strange obsession I have with her. Well, it's probably because I'm jealous of her. I've gotta let this go. Why is this still hurting me? I know...now that all the wedding shit is over, I'm back to the same old dork. Pondering things that I can do nothing about.

Ahem...

Dear Whoreface,

Hi, remember me? We used to email back and forth all the time...until you joined MEMEMEspace and turned into a major attention whore. I have to admit, at first I thought you were the typical spoiled blonde. Little miss married to her boyfriend from sixth grade, popped out kids at 20, never had to work a day in her life...*eyeroll* Then as we talked, I found out that you have had plenty of hard times. You lost your sister, something I could never claim to understand, your mom is a psycho bitch from hell, you were broke...A LOT. I gained some respect for you, especially in learning that you homeschool your boys. I was also happy to find out that you love pets, especially birds, and that you have an artistic sense and like to paint.

I really enjoyed our emails and thought we were building a sort of friendship. You especially helped me through a very tough time with my ex. I thought maybe someday we'd get to hang out because we certainly seemed to have a lot in common. And the way you always said you "loved" me and that we were like "twins" all the time. I felt like I had finally made a new friend. It would have been great to have gone camping with you and your family. I know you live like, 8 hours away, you have a family and travelling far isn't something that's all that feasible but... I thought there might be a chance we could meet halfway or something. You even told me a few years ago that you might be able to have me come up for my birthday.

Then you joined MEMEMEspace. The emails quickly dwindled to almost nothing because you were now too busy making all sorts of new friends to bother with me. I had been on the site before and had taken down my profile because I thought it wasn't something for me. Well it certainly was for you! I decided to join up again 'cause, well, it IS addicting and fun. Somewhat. But it's still not really all that great to me. Heh...and I SAY I hate trends yet there I am with a stupid profile back up. Anyway, now I'm lucky if I get the occasional one or two-sentence message from you about one of my posts or pictures. You're still cool to me, but it's not like it was before.

Now you've got so many friends, many of which seem to adore you. And they're all in your town so you all get to go out and party, camp and have fun all the time...up north in that beautiful area you live in. In your big, beautiful house, in that lovely neighborhood that's so close to nature. You don't have to work. You just get up and take care of your boys and your big house full of pets. Then you sit on MEEEspace and spruce up your page, which I can't even stand to look at because it's full of tons of pictures of you having fun with all of your tons of friends. And your husband works during the DAY and comes home to you at night. I'm jealous because I wish I had that kind of life. I know, it always looks better from afar. I know I sound so stupid, especially since I've written to you a couple of times about the way I feel and have gotten very mediocre responses. I really should just give up and delete you. I don't know why I always open your bulletins, just to sneer at them...at the way they sound so completely OPPOSITE of what you seemed to be a few years ago.

I guess you ARE the typical blonde I thought you were at first. I feel so stupid for thinking you were anything else. Thanks for hurting me.

Sincerely,

The ever-insecure Seacreature

Hmmm...that was nice. Didn't really help though. Just made me more depressed. I'd better get back to work.

He needs a good lickin'

That'll show 'im.

Getting into the Drawing mood...and the infamous FLAKES

Look! Sketches for another illustration project!!! I'm trying to get myself into the drawing mood again. I swear, I could totally be a successful freelance artist if I wasn't so fucking scatterbrained and uninspired. Not to mention all the shit that's going on in my life right now. Once all of my wedding thank yous are out, I've got some work cut out for me. These are some character roughs. I have about ten ink drawings to do for this guy. Gawd I wish I had a studio to work in. Or at least a fucking kitchen TABLE to work on. With LIGHT. I guess I could do some at work or go to the library...

I'm pretty pissed about my other children's book project. I don't know what the fuck happened to the lady I was working with, but I haven't heard from her in almost a year. Last I talked to her she'd moved to Colorado because her mother-in-law was sick. She'd given me a new cell number and said she'd email me with a new email addy as soon as she got her computer set up. After not hearing from her for months, I tried calling the cell number and it'd been disconnected... *sigh* I cannot tell you how many times this woman told me that this was, "Definately going to happen." All her promises... This is her dream, it's going to get done, there are publishers who are interested, it's a wonderful idea, etc., etc... I always thought, I'll believe it when I see it. Well she's got my drawings so I think I'd better do some research. I don't think she'd fuck me over and publish without my consent, as we've worked together on the project for years...but after dealing with a lot of flakes, I'm beginning to have my doubts. Especially since I've had the same email addy and cell number and have not heard anything from her. Bitch.

Speaking of flakey bitches, I have gotten disappointed by that friend I mentioned in this entry for the last time. Not Rosemary, she REALLY made up for her flakeness from last year. No, it's my lovely horse loving friend Kim. I invited her to my wedding and received the RSVP saying she would be there. I was really looking forward to having her there. Well, she didn't show up. Two weeks later, after the honeymoon and all the hubbub calmed down, I still hadn't heard from her. I'd expected an email at least because I hadn't gotten a call...or so I thought. I sent her a friendly email saying I'd missed her at the wedding (I really did) and asked what happened. Her response..."OMG, didn't you get my message on your cell the day before your wedding??" Apparently she had gotten some sort of throat ailment that week and the doctor had told her to stay home and rest. So she left a message on my cell...which never even registered on my phone. I NEVER received a message from her. I told her so in my ever-so-friendly response, all the while wishing her well like the total kiss-ass I am. I wasn't mad though. I understood. It's wasn't HER fault she got sick. Still, I thought maybe I'd get a card from her congratulating me. Absolutely NOTHING. No card at all. I'm not asking for a gift or money...just some fucking ackowledgment. Now she HAS invited me to functions and shows at her barn and I haven't had time to go, either. You know....wedding and all. So we've BOTH had lots of life changes going on. I can't fault her for that. Plus we live 2 hours apart. It's so difficult to keep up this friendship and it's not even worth it anymore. I just need to lay off and stop getting so hurt by her. I should be the bigger person. I just won't go out of my way anymore.

Man, I just can't get this entry to be spaced correctly. I don't understand why that happens sometimes. Okay, lunch is over again. Back to work for me. Later...

The show

Oh yea, and here's a really shitty recording of the Secret Cheifs 3 show I went to on May 26th. Unfortunately, this doesn't do the show justice, AT ALL. But I was there man. I was THERE!

It drags on

Happy Tuesday to me. A quick update while I sip my mid-morning coffee... I've finally started writing my thank-yous. What a drag. I love to thank everyone, but it's such a task! My hand got so tired of writing and I only did about fifteen last night! At least I got started though. That's always the hardest part for me.

We had another great weekend and even got another bike ride in with Melanie and Ivan! We're going to try to make it a weekly thing. Every Sunday the four of us want to go on a mid-morning bike ride. Sunday turned out perfect...we met at 10:00 a.m., rode for a good while and then had lunch. Saturday was Melanie's birthday, exactly two weeks after mine. Melanie, Ivan, her brother Michael, his girlfriend Susan, Ron and I all went minature golfing that evening. I hadn't been in AGES! We didn't even keep score, just took turns whackin' the ball every which way. Well, not EVERY which way...mostly toward the hole! Haha! Then there were the video games...you can't go mini-golfing without gettin' in the old video games. So we tokened up and played away. An altogether lovely evening...

Okay, I've got to get some work done so I can sneak in some thank-yous this afternoon! Later!

Cluttered Houses of Misery

This isn't my house, but it sure feels that way... FUCK CALIFORNIA AND ITS FUCKED UP REAL ESTATE MARKET!!!!!!!! Arghghg...once again, I find myself frustrated at my living situation. I know. Why don't I tell an interesting story instead of continuing to complain? Because this is my stupid place to vent, dammit!

About every two to three weeks or so, I find myself getting unbelievably aggravated by the chaotic mess I live in. Well, maybe chaotic is too strong a word... It's actually a somewhat organized mess. It's just TOO MUCH STUFF IN A TINY ASS PLACE. I guess I'm just jealous. I can't help it. I shouldn't go jogging in pretty neighborhoods with huge, gorgeous houses gaping down at me from their luxurious perches on the hills above... I can't help wishing I was some rich fucks pampered cat. Only 15 to 20 years of life? That's fine by me! I'd get to spend it sleeping around a giant house, getting free meals and gazing out the floor to ceiling windows at the birdies and butterflies.

It is inevitable that my thoughts head toward the path of negativity. It goes like this...

"I'm never going to be able to afford a nice house. I'm always going to be poor because I am lazy and worthless. If I want something I have to work really hard for it and I don't wanna! It's too stressful! WAH, WAH, WAH!"

Or the old faithful...

"There are too many goddamned people coming to California and driving up the real estate prices! Get the fuck out, you shitheads!!!"

Such a healthy mantra to keep repeating to oneself. Makes the bitterness just well right up from the depths of the soul. It doesn't help that I got to see my boss' new house this week. She started moving into it last week. It's so lovely and SPAAAAAAACIOUS. Way more room than a single woman needs. It was only 2 million dollars. Yea. I think the original owners bought it for around $400-$500,000.00.

Okay well, that's enough. It's time to elevate the ol' 'tude. It's getting out of hand again. Positive, positive thoughts. We WILL be able to afford a house someday. SOMEDAY SOMEDAY SOME-MUTHERFUCKING-DAY!

Wonderful weekends of happiness

Oh how my mood swings in this here bloggy thingy. Today, after a long and glorious weekend, I am HAPPY. Yes... And have I told you lately that blogs are lame? I'm really surprised that I still keep up with this thing, given that they're so TRENDY and all. I hate trends. Yet, here I am babbling into the latest internet trend when I can just write all this bullshit down on paper. But who the hell wants to do that when you can have cool graphics, links and all sortsa fun shit?! There's just too much time to be wasted on the internet these days. And to that I say, "Time to be wasted? I am GREAT at that!"

Uh-huh.

This was a grand holiday weekend, it was. Ron, cousin Mark and I went to see Secret Cheifs 3 on Saturday night. TIIIIIiiiiiiiiiny venue (One of Mike's favorites! Ron has been to this particular place to see him and his various bands several times) BIG BAND. LOUDER THAN HELL. WONDERFUL performance, altogether. And I gotted a kewl tee-shirt!!! The concert was one of my birthday presents and a lovely one, indeed.

Okay, on the subject of the Secret Cheifs 3...I tried to redeem myself in this entry by correcting the mistaken identity of the dude (I thought might be Trey Spruance) next to Mike in this picture...



...that I'd put in an entry back in February. As you can see, it is not at ALL the guy covered in black in THIS picture of the Secret Cheifs...



At least I don't think it is. The eye color and shape of the brow don't match. Though I think Trey's the third guy to the right in this picture...



Yea? The eyes kinda match. But the eyebrows... Shit,I fucking give up. I always need a face with a talented person, dammit! Trey had his face covered in hair on Saturday night, that is, when he wasn't wearing the familiar black hood. Fine, be anonymous. You have the right, dude. You're one talented motherfucker! You can check them out in all their weird glory on their lovely site.

As for the rest of the weekend? Wonderfully relaxing. Didn't get a THING done. I have a growing pile of laundry in the bedroom. I was going to get to it on Sunday, but instead enjoyed a relaxing day and a BBQ with Ron. We had our talk and it was good...yet again. Now I feel like we're communicating. I'm glad I married him, of course, he just pisses me the hell off sometimes! No worries...that's what husbands are for, right? Yesterday was a great day, too. Melanie, Ivan, Ron and I went for not one, but TWO great bike rides! One on a trail in the early afternoon and then another up a horrible hill in the early evening. In between we ordered pizza, played video games and watched movies. Yea, it was perfect.

Okay, that's the end of another stupid blog entry. Later...

Blugga blah blah

Good day. Things are continuing to go along and slow down... I even had two days off last week to 'recover' from our trip and I'm still really burnt out. I don't know what it is, but I've been feeling down the past few days. It's probably just the after wedding blues. We had a wedding present opening party at my parents a few weeks ago and we still have a whole lot of cards to open...I just haven't felt like it. We're still on different schedules and I'd like to open the cards together. This past weekend we had a chance but all I did was clean and...shit, I don't even KNOW where most of the weekend went! Then there's the thank you cards. I finally got some earlier this week and have started writing the ones I need to send to all the wonderful vendors who made the day run so smoothly. And then it's on to all the family and friends, who I really appreciate but right now wish they didn't exist.

*sigh*

Another thing that's bothering me is that I feel like we're still in a bit of limbo. I want to MOVE so we can use all of our new stuff. We've got a nice oak kitchen table that my parents gave to us...it's in Rons moms garage. We've got other things that my parents are holding on for us, too. A couch from my grandparents, an antique rocking chair, a refridgerator, a hope chest... We brought home a few of our gifts, but couldn't possibly fit the bulk of them. If the clutter in the house was bad BEFORE the wedding, it's so much worse now. I feel like the walls are closing in. There's nowhere to PUT anything! Not even the mail! I'm trying not to think about it, but there's so much to do before we can move. Are we going to buy or rent? Where? We need to start looking into loans and credit checks and all that bullshit... Then there's Rons storage lockers. TWO of them. FULL. Arughthghghtgh...

Then there's Ron and his moods. I couldn't seem to do anything right last week. He says I have to think things through before I do them. I understand what he means because I am a total space cadet sometimes...but it's only made worse when it's pointed out to me. Then I just get all nervous. And pissed at him. Which has subsided some because he's been all lovely and nice this week. I actually asked him when he called a little while ago, why such a big mood swing? His answer? Because he's trying harder not to be depressed. How sweet. Thanks, hon. I know he's told me a million times that it's not me and I shouldn't be hurt by it. I know I can't be the sole reason for his happiness. He's not mine, but he does have a lot to do with it! It's just that he seems to expect an awful lot from me. And it sucks that he's so unhappy with his life. I don't understand it. So what if he's not where he wants to be right now. We'll get there eventually. And if we don't? Who gives a shit! We have to be happy with what we have. We really need to take some time when we both have the day off to talk. I can't push this stuff away, we need to clarify a few things...especially the division of labor. I need more help around that cluttered mess.

Okay, I'm done whining. I really don't feel like working. Again. Bye bye for now.

And finally,

What you have been waiting for... I have uploaded the first of the wedding pictures. They're not the professional ones, Ron's mom took these. Nice shots. I just got the album from the photographer and those are absolutely FABULOUS! Here, have a taste of these...


A pre-ceremony, veilless shot.


My half of the wedding party and Ron watching me come down the aisle. Yea, pretty self explanitory.


Post ceremony, while we were posing for the photographer.

I love that we have so many pictures of the event, from so many different angles. At this point, we can put all the photos together to make a movie of the whole wedding! Lotta photographers out there. Hehehe!

Okay, that's all I have time for. It took me forty years to upload and shrink these to the right size.

Celebration's over

Yup, it was a happy 30th birthday indeed. My family and friends just keep showing me how much they love me. I'm going to try my best to remember this time when things get shitty and I feel like no one cares. I have a lot of great people in my life.

I guess this birthday bash is the end of the long celebration that began, it seems, right when I got engaged! It just got more and more intense as time went on. Now it's all over. All of it. I'm relieved and kind of sad as well. I suppose that's normal. Back to reality.

Ron is being a doll and doing the grocery shopping for me today. It's been a month and a half since we last did big shopping. That's a record for me. The longest I've gone is a month. I've just been way too beat to go to the store, not to mention it's a task that is way too easy to put off.

Well, not much to say. I'm tired, I think I'll go vegitate in front of the idiot box.

Later...

Hopefully back for good

It's been a helluva coupla weeks, man. I've been terribly busy with work and life and this and that and UGhghghghgh.... First off, Pickles is doing much better. After a week in the travel cage with regular daily doses of medicine, I am pleased to announce that he is using his leg and foot much better than before. So I returned him to his shared home with Punkin'. I'm so glad. He seems to be fine. Now his feathers will come back...soon.



Saturday is the big THREE-OH! YAAAAYY!! Going out to dinner with the two girls Cathy and Emily tonight. I'm very excited to see Emily, as I haven't talked to her in six years! We had a stupid misunderstanding a few years back and have recently gotten back in touch through Cathy. She and Emily have been friends for a long time. I'm glad I decided to email her. It'll be a blast catching up. I'm excited about turning 30. I feel right about it, like this is the beginning of a new phase of life for me. It's starting out on the positive side and I intend to keep it that way!



As for the title 'o this thing, I just got back from a business trip to Chicago. It was basically a sales and marketing trip. We had to meet with the people who carry our products in their catalogs. Each of the stores that we sell our product to belong to a certain catalog group and they're spread out across the U.S. Since we've had to make so many changes and costs cuts, this was an opportunity to further explain to our clients the changes and why we had to make them. We also showed them our new prices and some new products that we'll be offering. And see-ooo-oan und see-ooo-foath... Instead of sending our precious and expensive merchandise across the country, we decided to prepare a simple Power Point presentation. It was fun...at first... Heh. But I'm so glad I did this, it was good experience for me.

Well I gots to go to get ready for din din. Bye bye fer now!

Bad momma

I been a bad birdie momma, I have. *sigh* I guess it was bound to happen. I got too confident in letting the birds fly around the house and one of them got hurt the other night. Unfortunately, it had to be Pickles. Poor Pickles who has already been through so much stress in his short six years. He needed another reason to pluck.

Monday night Pickles, Punkin' and Toby were out for their usual playtime. I was doing my usual thing, puttering around the house. While I was washing dishes I heard the lovebird alarm/annoyed call, "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!!" Went to investigate and found Pickles with his toenail stuck on the front door screen. The weather has been pure hell this week, we're in the 90's again (This year has SUCKED with all its damn heat waves!) so I had the front door open to circulate the air. Nothing I haven't done a thousand times before. Poor poopie must have panicked like crazy because once I got him free, he couldn't move the leg that had been stuck. After comforting and calming him some, I put him down and he flopped all lame-like, not using the offending leg. I comforted him some more and put him in his little tissue box "bedroom" in the cage. End of birdie playtime. I kept an eye on him for the rest of the evening and noticed that he wouldn't use the leg and continued to nibble and preen it. Shit.

Next morning he was still limping around so I took him to work with me. The vet I needed to call to get a referral from (the one I take Stan to) didn't open 'til 8:30. I called the vets office and discovered the reason why bird enthusiasts always tell bird owners to find a certified avian vet ahead of time, just in case there is an emergency... That's me! I like to learn the hard way. The receptionist tells me that she can't give me any referrals just then because the doctor is not in yet and won't be in until 11:30 or 12 noon. Great. What the hell? One of the first things I had to learn about when I tried working at a vets office as a receptionist was the damn referral list. Anyway, I told her I couldn't wait that long and that I'd just find an emergency clinic myself. But trying to find an emergency clinic that treats birds is like trying to find a stand-up toilet in Beijing, China. And like the toilets in China, vets can either be comfortable to use or...



Ughckghghg... Since I couldn't wait, little miss receptionist actually had a suggestion...there was a vet that treated birds at an emergency clinic that was about 25 minutes from where I worked. Okay, it's in kind of a shitty area, but that means it shouldn't be too expensive. Thank you, buh-bye. I called the clinic to make them aware that I was coming with an injured bird and off I went. It was already starting to get hot as I drove deeper into the valley, reminding me that I cannot go another summer without fixing my cars air conditioner. I finally get to the clinic and after signing in, filling out the appropriate paperwork for new patients and then sitting there for the next 30 minutes pretending to care when all the stupid dog and cat people keep telling me what a lovely "parakeet" I have. I give up on explaining to the unobservant idiots in this world that there are other types of small pet birds besides parakeets. As the lady next to me continues to talk about her case of the shingles (gag) I get called up to the front. The receptionist who had told me to come in then explains to me that the only doctor there who treats birds is about to go into surgery and can't see Pickles until THE NEXT EVENING at SEVEN PEE-EM. Not even the next morning!!! "WHAT?! This is an EMERGENCY. I told you THIS ON THE PHONE!" Time to get pissed. Get me a referral, bitch, or I will break off your fucking blue acrylic talons and shove them up your giant nostrils. I swear, what IS it with women who think twelve-inch fingernails look good?! Uh...1985 called... Of course I was polite, but you know...I was a pissed polite.

I sat back down and stared at the piss on the floor for another ten minutes while they tried to find another avian vet. By this time I was really starting to worry about my poor little birdie. The entire time, on the ride there, during the endless waiting, I talked to Pickles and told him it was gonna be okay. He acted normal, except for the favoring of one leg. That and the plucking. Every time he gets stressed he just rips out patches of feathers. SO awful to watch. Talon girl finally give me the good news that there is an exotic vet, whose specialty is birds (YAY!), will be able to see Pickles. She too, was about to go into surgery so I had to get my ass there fast. So back on the hot freeway, past my work, to another vet in the valley. When I arrived I was happy to see that it was a nice office, not a shitty clinic. I was worried it would be expensive but I had no choice. The other place was gross and crowded with both clients and people behind the counter. This office was cool, clean and there were only two knowlegable receptionists to help me. All around were posters and information pertaining to exotic animals. There were even lovely arcrylic cages built into the wall with a couple of baby parrots for sale...at really good prices I might add. After filling out the paperwork I sat down next to a beautiful display with a Chinese water dragon in it.

Five minutes later I'm called into the exam room where a nice vet tech gently takes Pickles and weighs him. Two minutes after she leaves the doctor, who bears a striking resemblace to Glenn Close, comes in. I explain what happened in my guilt-stricken manner and she immediately puts me at ease. She gently examines Pickles' leg and finds the hurty spot (BEEP!! BEEEEP!!) right away. Truns out he broke his little tiiiiiny birdie femur. AWWWW!!! So Glenn gives me my options. They can either do surgery and put a pin in his leg or just let it heal on its own. She strongly suggested letting it heal on its own since he is such a small, light bird. I agreed because I didn't want risk putting such a small bird under. Not to mention cost. It would probably cost $300 to anesthetize alone. If I have to, depending on the prognosis of course, I will. But if I've got the option... She was very sweet and reassured me that he would be fine. It was a very good experience altogether. And not as expensive as I thought it would be. The good news, after all of this crap, is that I've found a very reputable avian vet...something I should have done a long time ago.

Now I have to keep Pickles in his carrier and give him medicine for two weeks. He is not allowed to fly or climb, two of his favorite things to do as a bird. Naturally. I feel so bad for him and I'm so pissed at myself. Another lesson learned the hard way. How many times have I said that? Great adventure huh? Just what I need. I hate to see animals suffer. Well, I'd better go home and check on the little bugger. Gotta make him as comfortable as I can.

Go away, please

Damn, I seem to be having picture posting troubles again. Let's see if it just goes away on its own, shall we?

More Honeymoon Fun!

Well, I've been back a full week already and have finally had time to scan in some of the fun pictures we took in Cancun. The parrot one was sort of the grand finale...these were taken a little earlier in the week. Don't worry, wedding pics are coming up. I just have to get them scanned and/or uploaded next. We saw so many that Ron's mom and uncle had taken when we went to my parents to open our presents on Saturday afternoon! Man, that was so much fun...

Okay, so imagine the scene... Ron and I had just downed three shots of tequila each after we had eaten some dinner. Good thing we did it after we'd eaten or we'd have been fall down drunk instead of silly buzzed! We walk outside and almost immediately get grabbed by a little high-energy Mexican dude (they we all over the place, go figure :P) who puts a hat and pancho on both of us in order to take these delightful shots...


AYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYE!!!!!!!!!!

Just look at that poor burro... Poor Pancho, poopsie. He's got that typical performing animal look in his eyes, "Get this shit overwith so I can eat!" Ron and I took turns petting his face. Lil' guy earns his oats and carrots.



HAHAHA!!! So much fun... Those damn buggers do this to the tourists on purpose, of course, because we just HAD to buy the shots after seeing them. Oh well, it was so worth it.

Friday was our horseback riding experience. These are the complementary shots they took as we rode the shore. First we rode down a trail through the "jungle", as they called it, even though there was no tree cover whatsoever. It was just dense and somewhat tall bushes and trees on either side of us. Ron actually saw an iguana. All I saw were leaves and bark. It was very relieving to get to the beach, where we rode for a bit before we all took a drink break. During the break, the group leaders took us in small groups to ride a horse bareback into the water. I hadn't come prepared, as I wasn't wearing my bathingsuit. But hell if I was gonna pass up such a unique opportunity! I joined the first group and rode a cute white horse (not the original one I was riding because only about four were used to taking people into the water) right on out into the beautiful warm water. Lemme tell ya, I've heard nothing like the sounds a horse makes as it acclimates its large, air-filled body cavity to the water! You know how you have to pop your ears when you're on a plane or underwater to equalize the pressure? Well, that's what a horse does with great burps and groans as it swims. And yes, the horse actually swam a little bit with me on it! It was so weird! Anyway, here are some pics from the day...


Ron on Camache... Isn't he handsome?! I mean Ron, not the horse. Even though that horse is a perdy one!


Me on lil' 'ol Freckles. She was such a sweet, well trained little girl. All she did was follow the others. Didn't give me any trouble at all. You could tell these horses were plenty experienced with that area, the people, the trail and themselves. It was so cute, everyone had their own little horsie pecking order. The whole horseback riding experience turned out to be well worth the few headaches it had... Like having to get up and out early, enduring a grueling, bumpy hour and twenty minute bus ride to and from the ranch (on the way there having to listen to the two nonstop chatterboxes behind us) and the heat. Notice I didn't say "unbearable heat". We were lucky, we were only experiencing "spring heat". BLeAcchHhhccCHh... Glad I don't live there. Yea by the end of the trip we were ready to come home. I missed my babies and having a dry scalp, Ron missed English speaking channels on t.v.

Okay, that's about it for now. Time to get on to the working out part of my day. I must work off the enormous linner (lunch into dinner, yes) we had last night. The Armenian Feast.

For another entry.

Soon.
*


*


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Maybe

Real quick...

I just want to mention that through all of this wedding hoopla I've seen just what beautiful friends I have.

*sigh*

Thanks you guys, I love you...

You, me and birdie

One of my favorite pictures of Ron and I (of course) from our beautiful honeymoon in Cancun. Just look at those sweet faces. All of them. This one was taken on Saturday, our last full day there. In short, we had a blast. So many memories and laughs. The perfect beginning. Something to remember during the hard times.

Before I go, I must mention something we did on our trip that I am SO PROUD of. I went SCUBA DIVING for the first time in my life! We went down 30 feet! Breathing underwater? Piece of cake! I had always dreamed of diving and it just came naturally. But of course I was scared! We practed for a bit in a pool and then it was showtime. A half hour ride on a bumpy speed boat over the gorgeous, very rough, water. But it wasn't the perfect experience. I did get seasick...while under water! Who knew?! I stayed calm and enjoyed the scenery as much as I could before the nausia forced me to signal that I needed to go up. Dammit! And there's nothing quite like puking all over the surface. "If you need to trow out, trow out..." Very sound advice. The yellow-orange eggs and potatoes I'd had for breakfast contrasted nicely against the turquiose of the ocean, I must say. Thank God it was just Ron and I with the instructor. The other two pussies (both overweight men who spent the evening before drinking and partying too much) ended up staying on the boat while the three of us went down. Despite the sickness, I am certain that I am going to get certified. What a magical experience! It felt like a dream.

That's it for now. End of the month bullshit beckons.

I do...

Have pictures of the wedding and the honeymoon and all that fun stuff. Just no time or energy to put them up yet. I was so pissed off yesterday because I tried to take the day off and my boss wouldn't let me. She apparently couldn't get things she really needed to get done last week because she was so busy doing my job. The projects she has to finish are very time consuming and need to get done by next week. Of course I don't blame her, I was just mad that I had to come in to the office while I was exhausted and get completely blasted with tons of shit to do. But gee whiz, isn't that...LIFE? Yea, gotta get a grip. But first I had to come here and throw a little tantrum. I have had to learn to multitask a lot more in the past few months. I wasn't used to being this busy... Oh well, it's good for me. Anyway, I'm off to work. I think Ron fixed the home 'puter so maybe I'll get on there tonight and put some pictures on. Maybe. Right now it's back to work.