Plans

The weekend turned out...and it turned out SWELL. Almost the complete opposite of last week. Saturday morning I got up early and it was off to meet Melanie (maid of honor) and Lisa (bridesmaid) so that we could drive to my parents house and get together with my mom. Poor mom is freaking the hell out because I haven't done much in terms of wedding planning. The biggest concern right now is setting the place and the date. And you know how men are...I thought I had these things pretty much figured out, until Ron decided to pipe in with HIS opinion. *rolling eyes* So it was imperative that we (the four hens) get together on Saturday to sorta kick things off. The plan for the day was a trip to David's Bridal (a GODSEND of a place) to start looking for a dress and then a sit down lunch, at which we would make lists of what needs to be done first.

The day was a great success. First I registered and then I got to register for Ron to come in and check out the line of tuxes from a company their affiliated with. They made it so Eeeeeeeeeeeasy. I loved almost ALL of the 8 or 9 dresses I tried on. What girl doesn't love standing on a pedestal before a three-way mirror looking at herself in what can only be described as a GLORIOUS dress? I kept turning around and around, standing on my tip-toes, waving my hands around like a retarded fairy. I felt like...like a girl. Like a princess. I know, *gag* I seem to have narrowed it down to six dresses thus far. We made sure to get the item numbers so that I can look the dresses up online and try to decide. And of course we're going to go back. There are the bridesmaids dresses, too. It'll be either just the girls and I, or my mom, too. It was great to have Lisa along because she's been to more weddings, this year alone, than I think I've been to in my lifetime. She knows her shit, especially when it comes to picking out dresses. At lunch we wrote down things like,

#1. PICK THE DAMN DATE AND PLACE!!!
#2. Lists of places and so on and so forth...GO TOGETHER with Ron to check them out!
#3. Design invitations (I want to draw them)
#4. Call here
#5. Call there

You get the idea. I feel much better about the plans. Just take it one step at a time and don't get overwhelmed with all of the bullshit. There is SO MUCH bullshit it's rediculous. I'm like, I don't CARE...I just want a simple wedding with the basics.

After my parents house I went home to take a nap. Melanie went home to finish getting ready for the BBQ we were having that night. Our first "couples evening". Melanie and Ivan, Tyra and Tony and Ron and I. Ron had gone to his cousins, about an hour away, to pick up his long lost surfboard. I had told him about the BBQ earlier in the week and that day. He knew about plans, right? Plans that I had gone ahead and made for us because that's what he wants me to do sometimes. Take charge, right? Well he started tossing back beers with his cousin around 11:30 a.m. He called me at quarter to six saying he was too faded to drive and that he would be home by about 7:45, just as soon as he sobered up some. *sigh* "Okay, honey." I really tried to be understanding, but he could tell I was kinda pissy. And rightfully so. I know he wasn't too crazy about our evening plans but hell, they were PLANS. And I really wanted to see Tyra and her cute little boy. Damnit. So Ron didn't get home until 8:30. He called on the way home, apologizing his head off. I was understanding. "Fine honey, no prob." Really though, it was cool. I didn't want to be too uptight. He got home and we took the short drive to Ivan's. He lives a block away from the street I grew up on. Five minutes away from where I live now. Sweeeeet.

Oh dear, I must cut this short for now. Food's here. I'll finish it a little later. I have to eat lunch now...we got to order out 'cause it was the shipping lady's birthday last week! Woowoo!

AWESOME flowers!

I had been meaning to post a picture of these, too. Someone on the Bird Brainz site I visit regularly (on my sidebar, I'm too lazy to link) posted them. Aren't they awesome?! They're parrot flowers from Thailand. I wish I could find some of these here, let alone keep them alive. I'm good with pets, but plants...uhhhh...not so good. I'm working on it! Nature is astounding, isn't it? I can't wait to move somewhere close to nature, a woodsy place. I'd love to be able to take walks through the woods or a forest during those times I'm feeling overwhelmed by people's destruction. Of everything. Every day. Which I've been feeling quite often lately. Okay, back to work for me.

Proofread, me? Naaawwww... And some more art parts!

I should have proofed that entry from last night... I moved a sentence and forgot to erase it from where I moved it from. DUH. Has anyone caught that? No? Good!

Now look at another part of my painting. Look at it! DAMNIT!



Yay! And in case you forgot, this is the other part of it that I posted before. I'll be posting one more section of it and then I'll post the whole thing. After that I'll link it in my sidebar. I think. I'm not sure yet...

And now something I forgot about. Had some good times with my cousin Mark and brother Steve a little while back. Here they are with my brother's friend, Ben.



Of course they're not stoned! Why do you ask?! Hehehehe!

From when Mark gave us a little private concert...



He's quite the talented player. I love to watch him play, it's amazing. I wish I knew how to play an instrument!

OH, and I'm feeling linky today. Here's another ~Flashback~. Now I'm going to get through the rest of this day. I want to have a nice weekend, I need to and I will...NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Gotcher servers workin' FINALLY...and other shit...

I had a nice entry in my head this morning, but every time I've tried blogger it's been down for maintenance! The waiting has been killing me!!! And it killed my inspiration as well, unfortunately. I'll just ramble like I always do.

Yea...

When I got into work this morning I got my usual number of spam emails in my Outlook account. I need to find a way to block the damn spam (oooo, that rhymes...catchy ain't it?) because it pisses me off. The names they use to get their stupid ass penis-enlargement drug emails through are fucking insane! Some examples...

*Purls H. Earthlings* ~ Yea! Earthlings! I think I knew him in high school!

*Nudism C. Predicament* ~ OOoooh, right! I worked with good 'ol Nudism at one of my temp jobs...

*Bacon L. Tidewaters* ~ OH NO! How on earth did my fat ex boyfriend find me?!

Insane, I tell you...INSANE! And who FALLS FOR THIS?! WHOEVER IT IS, STOP! YOUR PENIS IS FINE THE WAY IT IS!!!

OH yea!

Now I remember what I was going to talk about... I was listening to the annoying local radio DJs this morning, a rare thing for me because I hate the radio. I happened to tune in as they were talking about animation, a little bit of a sore subject for me. I rambled a bit about it in this entry. Anyway, they were talking to a guy (now I forgot his name and the name of his site, DAMNIT) who opened an animation studio (in some state that I also forget now) for animators who do it the old fashioned way...BY HAND. I came in when the guy was talking about how Disney has downsized so much since they do the majority of animation on computers now. He went on the compare works of art such as "Snow White" with "Toy Story" and how each is unique in its own way. He said that hand-drawn animation, when it is done right, is beautiful and takes so much effort. It shoul!dn't be completely wiped out by computer animation. It should continue to be appreciated for the art that it is. For the skill that it takes. I don't blame the DJs for getting bored with the guy because he did go on and on in a dry boring way and even used the word "Golly" twice! But he made some valid points that the DJs just didn't get because they haven't an INKLING of artistic sense when it comes to illustration and animation. Actually, they don't have much sense with music either, but that's beside the point. They kept saying stupid shit like, "But the computer animated movies look so cool!" and "Everything looks so real!"

ARUGHGUGHGHGHGHH!!!!!!! DUMBASSES!!!!!!! YOU HAVE NO CLUE!!!!!!

It pissed me off so I had to turn it. Mass produced shit is what it is to me. Countless video games (I detest most video games), stupid cartoons and full length animated movies that all look the fucking SAME to me. I have absolutely NO desire to see "Over the Hedge". More fucking computer animated animals. Art is such a difficult field because so much of it has been done before. However, I do want to see "Cars". And I DO like other movies like the Shreks and the Toy Stories and the Ice Ages. But they don't even come close to the hand-drawn ones, in my opinion. Sure, you can use computers to help the process...but for the WHOLE project?! Sure! Just churn them out so you can make more and more and MORE MONEY! Because we all know that Sonofabitchgoddamnmutherfucking MONEY rules the world!

Ooooh...that's another thing I was thinking about. How would we function as a society without MONEY? Ah, but that's a topic for another entry. For now I'm just happy because I think that I've figured out FOR SURE that I NEVER want to work in the field of animation. If I do anything, it will be illustration. People can use computers for THAT, too, but that's okay...I guess. You know what it is? I'm getting older and becoming resistant to change. All these whipper-snappers who have got patience for NOTHING but instant gratification! All this newfangled hodgepodge! Why, when *I* was a kid... Heh. Can't be resistant to change. But I have a right to my opinion!

And before I sign off... Good news! The MP3 player works! I'm finally with the times there! Now I get to do what I've been wanting to do for a while now...but I had to hold back because it was better than having nothing. I have to try to jog with my CD player, for old times sake. Then when it starts to skip I will first, remove my precious CD and THEN I get to THROW it as HARD as I can! Be it against a wall or the sidewalk, I want to see that piece o' shit SHATTER!!! MUUUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I'm insane. That's fine. EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!! DErrrrr!

Well put...sorta

The lovely Onewetleg let the raw emotions fly in this beautiful entry. Haven't we all felt the same way at times? It's called being a woman. We are the emotional equivalent of rocket science.

It's so hard not to be insecure sometimes. That entry made me think of my own, similiar self deprecating questions. Some more of those nasty what ifs. What if he fell in love with me and then discovered who I REALLY am and is disappointed? Am I too boring? Am I too needy? Am I too anxious? Too weak? Why am I depressed? Why can't I relax and do it later? Why does it matter? WHY don't I pay attention?!

It all works out in the end. We're human. Take the good with the bad and don't dwell on it. Remind yourself a trillion times, the same shit will come back until it's resolved. Life is complex but simple. Over and over and over again. Choose your battles!

And yes, men who flirt from the passenger seat are kinda scummy. But they're everywhere...on construction sites, mowing lawns, in the grocery store, walking down the street, on MYSPACE. They all want the same thing. Some of them are cute and it's a little less abrasive. It's great to have my own man who sees more to me. I have to convince myself that it's enough. I'm enough. He's worth it, worth everything.

I will end this stupid, ranting attempt at being creative with my words with this:

It's delightful to pick all the chocolate chips out of pre-made cookie dough, eat the chips and then roll up the dough into a worm and suck it down. Do this only AFTER eating succulent baked artichokes...with happy melty mozerella cheese, bread crumbs and dripping garlic butter. And WINE. Lord GOD, don't forget the wine!!! I am blessed with a tongue! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Good to know

It's always good to be reminded that you are attractive. Especially when you've been feeling a tad less like pond scum in past weeks. Yesterday evening, as I was driving home from picking up Melanie's birthday gift, I received a compliment from a cute fellow in the car next to me. I was sitting at a red light, blasting the Gnarles Barkley CD I'd purchased over the weekend (GREAT, by the way) when I heard,

"Hey! Excuse me!" I roll down my window to speak to the fellow in the passenger seat of what I assume is his buddy's car.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry, but would you happen to know where the nearest {Gas ripoff station} is?"

Mind you, I've lived in the same city my ENTIRE life. However, when confronted with questions of this nature, ESPECIALLY coming from a cute stranger, I am almost always at a loss. Aware of my surroundings? Me? Of course not! I am terrible at knowing where the nearest ANYTHING is and usually have to look it up if I am in need. So I sit there and try...try to keep the heat from rising past my neck, try to come up with an answer...quick, yew eeeediot!!!

"Uh, yea...you might try making a left on the next street. I'm pretty sure (always covers your ass) there's one a few blocks up." *genuine smile*

"Okay, so make a left here? Cool, thanks a lot." *smiles back*

By now the heat has undeniably risen to my face and I turn my head as I roll up the window partway. I'm thinking, "Look cool, don't look embarrassed...relaaaxxx...ah, look busy!" So I take a cigarette from my newly purchased pack. *flick* *flick* *PUUuufffffff* *Aaaahhh* Felt good. My first cigarette in days, as I've cut way back due to the phlegm fest in my chest. As I'm finishing blowing out the first puff, I hear,

"Hey!"

Roll down window again, "Yes?" *smile*

"I just wanted to tell you that you looked really sexy when you lit your cigarette just then..."

All attempts at keeping from blushing are now completely obliterated. HUGE FLUSH. FIRE. SMOKE FROM EARS.

"Why...uh...why, thank you!" *stoopid grin*

"I think you're very pretty. I see a ring on your finger...engaged?"

"Y-yes, yea" *BLUSH*

"Awwww...damn, well I woulda asked you out right here and now!"

I answered with,

"Well, cool...it's good to know...you know...I still...I..." Looking for the right words, trying not to fumble too much 'cause this guy is cute and he knows I think he's cute and it's just one of those silly, fun, awkward situations... He finishes my sentence with...

"You can get 'em. Yes, you're very attractive."

"Why, thank you very much." *gushing smile* "You know, you made my day..."

"Well that's awesome, glad I could do that for ya!"

Then we started talking a little, where ya from, whatsyername and just as I was thinking that this could possibly be the longest red light in the history of this city I grew up in, the light changed.

"Take it easy! Take care! You too!"

I drove home the rest of the way all fluffy chested, hot and flustered...but happy. I was also hoping that there was at least a gas station, nevermind that particular one, in the direction I'd told them to go!

But I needed that little confidence boost. Who doesn't enjoy something like that? We always forget the positive things so quickly and remember that bad shit (put downs, failures, weaknesses) forever.

I didn't tell Ron right away, I actually still haven't. I was at Melanie's by the time he got home last night. I was gonna tell him but didn't really find the right time. We talked about other importnat things. And I felt I needed to listen to him. Then we watched a movie and went to bed.

I'm just a little worried about Ron. He seems very stressed in the past few months. It's so understandable, so many people, especially men, get overwhelmed at the prospect of marriage and starting a whole new life. I think it would be a very good idea for us to go to pre-marital counseling. It's not like we have major problems and I still want to marry him. It's just that we both have issues. They've come into the light a few times and we need to discuss them further, we need to try to make this transition into married life as smooth as possible. I think that he feels a bit too pressured by me, along with everything else in his life...like I've been too needy or something. We just have to talk...seriously.

This is why I hate his schedule. It could go on like this until the end of the year. It's so hard to fit everything in on the weekends. He wants to unwind and sleep a lot, do a few things here and there, but mostly relax. That leaves little time to talk seriously. I don't know where in the hell the weekends go, honestly. In the meantime, I'll continue to be supportive, as I always try to do. I have to be there for him and not be a disappointment, like everyone else in his life.

Oooh, where did the time go? It's slow today. I have to eat lunch. Later!

In a nutshell

My weekend, summed up:

Sick
Unbearably HOT
Cranky
Krappy
Entirely
Draining

This affliction has decided to move and camp out in my sinuses. There's nothing more satisfying than a nice, pounding sinus headache. Then there are my lungs... You know those commercials with the greenish-yellow blob monsters that move into the lungs? I've got a newlywed couple making themselves at home right now. Mmmm, coughing fits that make you gag and almost spew all that tea you've been drinking to wash this shit out of your system...fantastic!

*sigh* *cough*

I actually wanted to come to work this morning because at least there's AIR CONDITIONING at the office. It was pure misery at my house all weekend. Which put both of us in nothing less than a horrid mood. Again I will proclaim my utter hatred of summer...

I FUCKING HATE SUMMER!!!!!

...until I get a nice house with air conditioning, that is. Then it will be bearable. But I spent the whole weekend moping around with hot-air-balloon-head and exhausted, sweaty body. And Ron was fed up and impatient again. I don't blame him for getting this way, but it's still no fun. I tried to be a little enthusiastic here and there, I tried not to let his mood get me down...but it was damn near impossible.

We did manage to have SOME fun. We got out of the hotbox house and burned money at the local movie theater, joining the stupid masses to see X-men 3. My opinion of it? They should have left well enough alone. This one was too fucking Hollywood for me. A general disappointment. Plus I'm really not into comics and the movies based on them. I mean, they're okay to see once or twice...but it's always the same thing to me. Muscular men with special powers jumping around in tights. *Yawn* That was Sunday...on Saturday we got some yummy breakfast at our favorite little cafe and then went to pick out my MP3 player. I was gonna get an i-pod, but decided against it. I remember talking about players with my brother and deciding that i-pods are just too exclusive. You can only use THEIR software, play certain files, blah blah... So I settled on a middle-of-the-line general Samsung MP3 player that holds 500 songs and will display JPEGs and other picture and sound files. Yay. Good enough for me.

I was going to go shopping for Melanie's gift on Friday after work but was too tired. I went home and went to bed so I could be up with Ron for a few hours. So I slept for about five hours, woke up and hung out with Ron while he played his Grand Turismo game for about the 45 billionth hour this week. What in the HELL is with today's video games?! Too fucking complicated for me...there are races on that game that take TWENTY-FOUR fucking hours to complete! Christ! So I got bored with that and took some more codine to go to sleep. No more fucking codine, man, I couldn't wake UP Saturday...and then the weekend dragged on as described above.

Tonight I'm definately going to shop for Melanie's gift so I can go by her house tonight and give it to her. I need to talk to a girlfriend. All these moods and Ron being a shit and the wedding planning is stressing me out. I better get back to work. Later!

*Whew* Is THAT it? Cool!

Thanks for the well wishes, I feel better today. Though I am still somewhat woozy from the cough medicine I took last night. Alriiiiiiiiight for codine!!! I managed to get through the rest of the day on Wednesday, went home and relaxed and went to bed nice and early. It's been a wonderfully short week.

Yesterday I felt okay so it was back to work. However, my boss sent me home early because he said I sounded horrible. I didn't complain! It's always fun to be sent home early 'cause you sound like complete shit. So once again I rested up and took medicine. AND I got to hang out with Ronnie poop for a few hours before he left for work! BONUS! Now I'm at work, alone again. The boss went back home to his family for the weekend and the shipping lady is on vacation this week. I'm especially thankful that the shipping lady isn't here because she just LOVES to talk my ear off and I am NOT in any sort of mood for that today. Aaahhh, a nice quiet day alone to do my work and reflect on what I want to do this weekend. Hopefully we'll make it to the beach for a bikeride. I'd also love to get my ipod for when I get back to jogging next week. For WHEN I do...'cause ya know I'm gonna do it. Yes I am! Gotta start motivating myself now, ya know...

It's my best friend Melanie's birthday today, we're exactly two weeks apart. The poor girl has the same sickness I do, came down with it last weekend as well. Needless to say we're probably going to take it easy tonight, we won't be able to party it up tonight like we usually do. I'm hoping to do the baked artichokes tonight, since we haven't done it lately. Bring over some 'chokes, red wine and brownies for a little dinner thing. I have to go shopping for her gift today after work 'cause I ALWAYS put this shit off 'til the last minute ya know. It's...it's more fun that way. Yea, that's it! That and I couldn't think (or didn't think) of what to get her 'til today. I figured it out this morning though. She had to borrow my camping/lawn chair last weekend for the trip she went on with her boyfriend. So I'm gonna pick up one of those cool folding chairs with the cup holders for her. *Ssssshh* Don't tell! It's a sooprise!

Funny thing...as I read my comments this morning, a couple of you mentioned an MTV show, "Sweet 16" in response to my complaints about that stupid Hogan show. I had never seen it before last night, when I happened to catch a snippet of it on David Spade's Showbiz Show. OH. MY. GOD. Fucking WRONG!!! What is with this focus on and fascination with the disgustingly spoiled?! MTV has so many shows like this...what was that one where the rich assholes show you around their homes? ARGHGHG!!! I just want to reach through the television and mutilate these people! David is right, no WONDER other countries hate us so much! Fucking spoiled Americans!
Ugh...it was so quiet this morning and now the damn phone keeps ringing. It's FRIDAY! I'm LAZY! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! All these stupid special requests and yadda yadda that I don't feel like dealing with. Oye.

Now I shall leave you with a couple of entries from last year... ~Flashback 1~ and ~Flashback 2~. See, Zoot, I'm using the squiggly lines! Hehehehe! Thanks for the idea... Later!

*Cough* *Cough* *HACK*

Just a quick note... I didn't go to work yesterday 'cause I still felt awful. Today, thanks to Dayquil, I feel slightly less awful. But still pretty fucking awful. Cough drops make me nauseous. I'm just trying to get through this workday. Only forever more to go!

Oh, and one more thing... Do we REALLY need shows like "Hogan Knows Best?" I got my fill of watching spoiled rich families with sixty-five jillion little yappy dogs from "The Ozzbournes", thank you very much. Sunday night, while I was up hacking, I flipped to the Hogan show and watched it because there was a very VERY CUTE baby chimpanzee on it. And of course the dumb fucks kept calling it a "monkey". AAAAAAAAHJGHGHGHG!!!!!! That kind of ignrance drives me NUTS. That whole family is so damn stupid they don't deserve to live.

That's it for now. I gotta get this work done so I can go home. Bleheghghghg...

Forget about me, remember them

Oh yea, it IS Memorial Day isn't it? Thoughts and prayers to all of you who have been involved in a fight for our country. Whether it be you or your loved ones, then or now, THANK YOU. We get so wrapped up in ourselves, don't we? *sigh* I just hope this all ends soon. I can't stand it. Hatred and War. Humans suck.

What better time than now?

What better time to get sick than the first three day weekend I've had in months, humm? That scratchy throat I had on Wednesday turned into a bit of a cough on Thursday. Thought I'd get away with that until Friday night rolled around and I felt like SHIT. I was out with Lisa and Paulette for my birthday dinner and I had to make it an early evening 'cause I started to feel awful. Saturday I was supposed to go wedding dress shopping with my mom and aunts, but woke up with a FEVER. Now it's already Monday, the last day of a long weekend spent resting and trying to get rid of this sickness. BLEH! Fuck! Oh well...

Art Parts

I pulled out a painting I did and took pictures of parts of it, since I couldn't fit the whole thing in and get all the details. I'll start with my favorite part of it...



I love how the skull turned out. I cut that out from a magazine and painted from it. I'll post more parts of this painting later. Happy three day weekend, to those of you who have one. Later!

A trend...six wierd things

Everyone seems to be doing this one, too. Looks like fun so I gotta try it! Let's see...six wierd things about myself...

1. I'll put the strangest thing first. I like the feeling of fuzzy things on my lips, especially my upper lip. I still have my two stuffed elephants, Eddie and Ellie, from when I was a baby. My grandparents gave the elephants to me as an infant and I slept with them until I was five or six. They have tufts of fuzz at the end of their trunks and I used to fall asleep while sucking my thumb and rubbing the fuzzy end on my upper lip. The habit carried on to other things...the ends of my hair, hangnails, baby heads, anything velvet, the short teeny hairs near the noses of dogs and cats (my poor dog Cindy...I'd scream "HIIIii NINNY!", grab her head and rub my lip on her muzzle!) and the very tip of people's noses. I LOVE those leeeeeeetle teeeeeeeeeny white hairs...Ron's got a ton of 'em! I've got him trained now. He assumes the position (sitting still) while I gently rub my upper lip on the tip of his nose. Gotta get my fix! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh...

2. As I mentioned in yesterday's list, I like critters...ALL of them. As I've also mentioned before, I really like snails and rollie pollies. Still, to this day. If I see a snail on the sidewalk, I have to move it to safety. If a weird bug lands near me, I gotta check it out. Even dead things...gotta poke at it with a stick. Gross, I know.

3. My favorite word is "poop". It seems to some that I have a certain "fecal fixation". However, I just like potty talk and the word "poop". It's such a cute word! I don't mind talking about gross things and get a kick out of it. I also have many nicknames for my pets, especially Stanley, that center around poop..."Poopie Hole", "Turd Brain", "Anus Head" and my favorite, "Little AAAaasshoooole".

4. I speak my own strange language. I love to make up words... "Fiffle", "Pipplie-popple", "Bloob" and "Foof" are some of my favorites. When I'm in one of my wierd moods, I'll say things like, "Who's gotta whipple in muh wheee wheeee whiiizzz?!" or "Putcher tytes onna gha-laaassss!" Often times I speak wierdo to my pets, "Howsa muh lil' anus heayed?" "Muh cyuute lil' teeeny tiiiiinies!" "C'mere muh buzzard beerdie beerd beeeerrrd!"

5. I've had a missing eye tooth since I lost the baby tooth. It just never came in. I wore a fake tooth while I had braces, and now I have a fake tooth on a retainer. I was supposed to get an implant years ago, but the retainer has been working out just fine. I always take it out at night. Sometimes I forget to wear it! But no one really notices 'cause it's on the side. My favorite thing to do to new people I meet is say, "Wanna see a trick? Lookit this tooth..." And then pop it out. The looks I get are priceless. I scared the shit outta Ron on our second date! Hehehehe!

6. I have the uncanny ability to bark like a dog and sound just like one. I'm pretty good. I used to love to just bark and get all the dogs in the neighborhood going! Though I'm not as good as some...I saw this one chick on Animal Planet that blew my mind! I love to bark back at dogs when they come snarling, barking and growling up to the gate as I'm walking or jogging by...especially if there are bushes and I don't expect them and they scare the shit outta me. I just gotta get the last bark! And it's great to continue along and see someone staring at me. Hehehe!

Okay, that's it. I'll leave you with a flashback. Later!

Taken from SFG and Fuzzball

First off, if you haven't already seen this on Fuzzball's page, CHECK IT OUT NOW! Fucking HILARIOUS! Robot Chicken totally rocks...

I've been meaning to do this little thing that I saw first on Southern Fried Girl's page and then on Fuzzballs's page, so I thought I'd give it a go. I agree with many of the things Fuzzball said and have added my remarks in parenthesis to those particular things. So here 'tizz:

I am...scared about the future. (DAMN right I'm scared about the future! That's the main thing that feeds my general anxiety)

I said...I love you and have a wonderful day to Ron this morning before I left. I say that every morning and will do so forever.

I want...to find a job that makes me happy. (This is something I really want, too, although I do LIKE my current job. It's not too stressful and that helps a lot. But I have this nagging feeling that there is so much more out there for me)

I wish...that people, as a whole, weren't so goddamned selfish, destructive and just plain STUPID.

I hate...that people hate so damn much. (I agree, and this hate is fueled by so much IGNORANCE...see above)

I miss...my cousin Danny, my uncle Alan and my uncle Bob. Awesome people who passed away from this earth WAY too soon.

I fear...too many fucking things.

I hear...robins singing outside, above the low hum of my computer. This really is a nice place to work.

I wonder...if all this stress I put on myself will kill me.

I regret...not starting this blogging shit sooner, it's a lot of fun!

I am not...good at accepting compliments. Loooooow self esteem, right here. (Yup, same here. If I could only believe in myself and my abilities)

I dance...on tables, speakers, anything...when I get drunk enough.

I sing...in the car A LOT. I love singing along with my favorite music, but not in front of anyone, of course!

I cry...every other fuckin' day. I'm a big, emotional baby.

I'm not always...happy. And I suck at faking it. When I'm down, everyone around me is down. Gotta learn to fake it more 'cause it sucks to be a downer.

I made...a great dinner for Ron last week. I really enjoy cooking when I'm in the mood and he loves it. I can't wait unitl we have a compatible schedule so I can do this more often. Heart of Man = Stomach of Man. I'm not stupid.

I write...and doodle all over my desk blotter at work. It's time to change the month now. It's still on January of 2006 and it's FULL of my workday musings.

I confuse...a lot of people with my outlandish behavior. It's fun!

I need...to do a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. (Agreed...I'm too much of a procrastinator)

I should...quit working on this and do my...uh...work? Yea, that's what a job is right? And there are many other things that I should do but just plain don't wanna...yet.

I start...feeling sick to my stomach when I'm really anxious.

I finish...Ron's sentences sometimes. This is a great thing!

I believe in...Not much right now. I need to change my negative perspective.

I know...that I'm an underachiever. (Yes, and I DO know why...I'm lazy)

I can...have whatever I want, if I could only get over some of the things listed above...

I can't...seem to get over some of the things listed above...

I see...the good in people. Then I get screwed over by most of them. Then I give them a second chance. Then I get screwed again. *sigh* (Yep, same here. That's why I have very few true friends)

I blog...too much at work.

I read...all the time, news, blogs, emails, books...love it.

I am aroused by...an open mind.

It pisses me off...that we are fucking up the earth so much day in and day out.

I find...gas prices to be completely and utterly rediculous. I never thought I'd see such a thing.

I like...making people laugh. I'm quite good at being a silly dork, it's lots of fun...I never want to stop.

I love...animals. All of them, even the icky ones. (YES. And I have to add, Ron of course...and Nature. Someday I hope to live in or close to Nature with Ron and lots of animals. Yes...that would be lovely)

Yea, that's better...

Oh yea, and I'm going to start using a slightly bigger font so the pretty italics are a little easier on the eyes. That better? I like it...

Where to start?!

I guess starting from the beginning would make sense, huh. First off, thanks toBunny, Deodand and especially Zoot for your advice. I know, I reeeeeeeeeeeeally need to stop whining and just WRITE. That's all that matters. I can't let the results of a silly poll keep bothering me. I don't know HOW many nice people have told me...I know it's getting old. Okay...'nuff said on that subject.

My birthday weekend was, for lack of a better phrase, ABSOLUTELY FFFFFFAABULOUS!!! Once again I got calls, emails and cards from everyone I care about. It made me feel so wuvved! *EEEEE*

Then Ron had to go and totally outdo himself AGAIN. Okay, he was supposed to have taken half the day off to take me to dinner, right? I thought he would be home around 5:30 or so and we'd head out to sushi or something. Well, I got home and he wasn't there yet...or so I thought. Then I spy (wit myyy lil' eye)a little note tucked at the edge of the doormat that says, "Follow me". Hmmm...'kayyy... I open the front door to see another note strategically placed at the edge of the coffee table that says, "Go to the Bedroom". On the bed I find a beautiful birthday card and another note, "Look at the dresser". I look up to behold a new bouquet of bright pink roses that have replaced the dead ones (I HATE throwing away flowers) from three weeks ago. Next to the roses is another note that reads, "A sweet birthday to your left". I look out the other bedroom door and HOLY SHIT...there's a scrumptious chocolate cheesecake on the floor in front of the bathroom. By this time I'm thinking, "What the hell? How did he do all this before he left? Why hasn't Stan misplaced all these notes and at least tried to get into the cheesecake?" It had a plastic cover, but still, when it comes to food my piggy kitty knows no boundaries! Well on the cheesecake is yet another note that says, "Your birthday surprise is in the bathroom". Okay...

So this whole time I've been reading the notes and my birthday card and smelling the roses I'm totally gushing and squealing with excitement. I'm saying out loud, "OH my God! I can't believe he did this! How sweet! Oooh...ooooh eeee ieyeyeeyeee!", and so on and so forth. I open the bathroom door and there is Ron, sitting on the tub holding a rose. "SURPRISE!", he yells, "I took the whole day off for your birthday!" I then dissolve into a giddy puddle of gushing goo, "OH HONEY! OH TTTTthaaaank YOU! OH OH OH!" I was so surprised to see him sitting there I almost pissed my pants. No joke, I really had to go! Then he directs me to the back patio room, where my gift sat on the seat of his favorite beach cruiser. A new set of car sterio speakers to replace the 'ol crackly ones I'd gotten with the car EIGHT years ago. Again, I explode with delight. I felt like a little girl again. I thanked him profusely, I couldn't stop hugging and kissing him. His thoughtfulness just floors me.

We were gonna go out to dinner, but after all the excitement I was exhausted. We went to dinner on Sunday instead. Ron went ahead and installed my new speakers so that I could marvel at how excellent my car sterio actually sounds. He had gotten me the new Tool album as well, it's the fucking shit, lemme tell ya. It gave me goose bumps as I listened to it on my spankin' new speakers.

I had wanted to have Melanie, her new boyfriend Yvonne (great guy, by the way, it's going very well with them!) and Tyra over that evening to celebrate. And CELEBRATE we did! 'Til 5:30 a.m.! Saturday I slept all day to get refreshed for the Ministry show that Ron had gotten us tickets for a few weeks ago as part of another birthday present. This one I knew about. We were both dying to go to another concert and this one KICKED ASS! I absolutely adore music. I couldn't live without it. I have an appreciation for everything from the blues to barking heavy metal. This show was amazing, complete with flashing lights, a churning mosh pit, juggling drumsticks, mashing guitars, freaks everywhere and a ringing in my ears that lasted 5 hours after we got home! The Revolting Cocks opened and yep, I got a t-shirt. The "Masterbatour" on the back and "Ministry" with "The Revolting Cocks" on the front, surrounding a nice picture of Bush with devil's horns sitting on a missile. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Sunday was spent relaxing and recovering from the previous two eventful evenings. I read all day and actually finished a whole book! I LOVE reading and hadn't had a great book to get completely engulfed in for a very long time. I'd borrowed "Deliverance", and read that bitch from cover to cover. Great book. I'm behind the times, I know. I still haven't even seen the movie! Then Ron and I had a scrumptious shrimp dinner to cap the evening off.

That was my birthday weekend and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I am still tired! I can't wait to go home and go straight to bed. We didn't hit it 'til about 2:30 a.m. I'm bebushelled today. That's it for now... Later!

Some advice, please...thanks :)

I'm still having a great birthday, but something's bothering me. I checked out my progress on Warcrygirl's page and got a little stab in my chest. No one's voted for me. Not ONE person. I don't get it. That kinda hurts. I keep thinking, oh well, it's just a stupid blog, who cares. I'm being lame again. Eesh...

I need some input from some people. How can I get more regular readers? Is there anything I can spruce up? I'm trying to be myself, but that's boring people I guess. I'd appreciate some input from anyone. And please, ask others to read if you'd be so kind. I need some free advertising!

Yea.

M'kay, thanks...I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day!

It's a GREAT day...and something SO CUTE

So far my birthday has been great! Lots of emails and lots of phone calls. Before I know it, the workday will be over and I'll be partyin' it up tonight. I'm gonna have a little shindig at my place after Ron and I go to dinner. Should be lots 'o fuuun! I'm just gonna celebrate the fact that I made it to 29. I haven't done too bad for myself at all! YAY!

Okay, you gotta check this little guy out. If he isn't the CUTEST DAMN thing, I don't know what is. Just like animals, the little ones just melt my heart. Then they grow up...hehe.

That's about it for now. I'm going to get to work on something so that this day will go faster and I can go home and start the PaRtY!!!! WOO WOO! Oh yea, and here's a link back to last years birthday just for the helluvit.



Later!

Make the right choice

Oh yes, and once again I am part of a Warcrygirl button poll. The poll is on her side panel. You gotta scroll doooowwwnnn... Vote for me if you wanna make the right choice. Haha, right. What a pathetic campaign I run... It doesn't matter (yes it does) who wins (yes it does) because I know I'm cool (no I don't) and that's ALL that matters (no it's not). Little "feel sorry for me" guilt tactics right there. Ya see? Ah, but who am I kidding. THAT never works (yes it does). Okay, enough already. I'm out. (For now).

Birthday thoughts

It's the day before my 29th birthday. I can't believe it's been another year already.
My twenties are coming to a close. I am an adult, as I have been for the past ten years. Although, I still don't feel completely adult. And I never want to. It's important to me that I hold on to the child inside for always. Don't let that innocence go, don't let the world take it away.

Happy Birthday to me. This year is going to be another great year, just like the last one.

Pork chops

I just HAD to share this email I got. This momma tiger was depressed 'cause her cubs died shortly after birth. Awwww... So the zoo tried to find some abandoned cubs she could foster. They were unable to find tiger cubs so they got creative! HAHA!



She's a happy camper now! GAWD I love animals...

How it turned out...

Oh yea, and this is how the artichoke fest turned out last year. The fest is this coming weekend again and I don't think Melanie and I will be able to even try to go this time. I'm going to request an artichoke bake party for my birthday, that should work out just fine!

Another day, another dollar

Is it Wednesday already? I'm still amazed at how time flies now that I'm getting older. I can't believe my birthday is in two days. I am going to be 29, entering the very last year of my twenties. It's true, it's all downhill after 25. Man...26, 27 and 28 just flew the hell on by. But that's okay. I don't mind at all. I'm looking forward to my thirties. That's the time when I work on becoming a responsible adult. Work on it. Yea.

I'm excited because Ron is only going work a half day on Friday, so he'll be home when I get home at five...wooooooweeeeee!!! He's gonna take me out for muh bertdee. Then on Saturday night we're going to a Ministry concert. Oh yes, and none other than the Revolting Cocks are opening. Gotta get a t-shirt! I'm so looking forward to rockin' out! We've been seeing quite a bit of live music the past few weeks. Two weeks ago we went to see Lisa's girlfriend, Paulette, play with her band at a little dumpy bar. I'd forgotten how talented she is. It was a great little show. She'll be playing a bigger, better place next month and we are THERE. Last week we went to see Melanie's brother's friend and his band, I think they were called Grand Daddy Purple or something like that. Another good time with good music. It's fun to visit Hollywood on occasion and watch all the drunken freaks come out and do their thing. But then it's even better to get the fuck outta that shithole.

So that's it for now...I need to get some work done. Tonight I'm going to go to my brothers area to jog those hills again. I'm in need of a good workout. This time I won't get lost!

Ah, and before I go, here's a great email I got the other day...

Later!

A pick me up...

I'm feeling a little down this morning, as I usually do on Mondays. I know, shit, what the hell else is new? Then I read a blog entry that made me think. The author asked that we list a few things in our lives that we coud never grow tired of. As a person who often struggles with depression and sadness, it always helps to think of the little blessings in life.

I could never grow tired of my friends and family. I am very blessed to have a couple of wonderful, close friends and a very close family. There are times when I feel very lonely, but I don't think I can even begin to understand the true meaning of lonliness. My friends and family have always been there for me.

I could never grow tired of art. I love the world of art...music, literature, visual arts...the world would be such a dull place without artistic influence. I am very thankful for my artistic ability. It doesn't matter if I use it to make money or if I just do it for me. I enjoy having such an outlet.

I could never grow tired of my pets and animals and nature in general. These things help me to relax. There is nothing like the unconditional love you receive from a pet. There is also nothing like walking through nature, listening to bird song, smelling the plants, feeling the breeze...it does wonders for the soul. I also love thunderstorms and rain, natures way of cleaning house. It's always fun to watch a good thunderstorm.

I could never grow tired of laughing. I love to be silly and laugh. I love making people say, "What the hell? You are nuts!" It's so much fun to just let go. I never want to lose my inner child. It's important to be able to let go and be silly. It helps balance things out in this stressful world we live in.

I could never grow tired of loving. I am very lucky to have a partner who also really appreciates the above listed things. He's taught me to appreciate them even more. As I've said before, I know that relationships are hard work and I am up for the challenge. I can't wait to build a life with this person. I am very fortunate to have found him.

Okay, it's time to get to work. I've been thinking and worrying too much again. Once again, I have to remember the little things.

Good 'ol Chat rooms...

I haven't been in a chat room in probably about 5 years. I decided to visit the Myspace forums. Wow, they certainly haven't changed at all! This shit is fucking hilarious...don't you think? Quite entertaining, for a little while at least. Then it gets a bit depressing to see how much the English language gets slaughtered. Here's a little snippet from one of the rooms:

Karima: yall bore me 2 death

elizabeth: what ever

Biracial Butterfly: O TRE I STILL WANT 2 FEED UKRAZIE

DEE: IIIIIGHTTRE: IF U THINK IM HOT HIT 11

BRENDAN: how u people doin

Joseph: riley your not on my friend thing

johny: WHO LIVE S IN SD PRWSS 1

Elizabeth: dose any one wanna chat wit me

Remi: then take yo ass somewhere else

{LEA}: o if u add me then yea

Karima: 11

slm: i willD.

West: AY WELL IM BOUT TO GET SOME CUTTY SO IM OUT Y'ALL

Karima: fuck u remi

Sarah: hey everyone

slm: u have aim

jason: anybody wanna chat im new in this i dont know what im doin some one wanna help with some things

TRE: 1 PERSON THINKS IM HOTTRE: LOL

TRE: DAMN

Karima: i have aim

{LEA}: no sorry

Remi: u cant

Biracial Butterfly: ME 2 JASON

slm: so what are uup tooI want to feel, what love is?

A wonderful wonderful waste of time, isn't it? FASCINATING.

They're all over the place

There are too many of these families in this world. Wouldn't you agree?

Stormy

Wow, this is a REAL picture. If it weren't for the lighting, this monster wouldn't even be able to be seen as it hurtles its way toward distruction. I couldn't imagine how scary these things must be. "Quick!!! Ruth Ann, Bobbi Joe, Mary Jane, Rootie Tootie, Bennie Hahna, Willie Nillie, Angel Dust, Joe Dirt...get into the cellar!!! NOOOoooowww!!!!!!!!"

Yea.

This picture is kinda how I feel inside this week. I was in such a great mood last week and over the weekend. Then CRASH BOOM BAM, sad I am. Hehe. Little rhyme there. So I'm just feeling low. I'm letting my insignificant worries take over again and I'm physically exhausted. And maybe I had a little TOO much fun over the weekend, I don't know. I miss Ron a lot. Damn, I'm too co-dependent! I just hate coming home to an empty house every day during the week. *sigh* *HEAVY SIGH*

Well it humpy hump day already so I think I can, I think I can, I think I CAN make it! Though I wasn't sure yesterday after work... I had a complete and total ballistic panic attack because our security gate that leads into the back lot of the building (where there's all sorts of stuff, including merchandise and a PORSCHE) wouldn't go down. I noticed it was up as I was packing my car to leave. This made me very nervous because my boss is in Poland, it was after five and it's impossible to get ahold of the gate service guy, even during business hours. I remembered that we'd had this same problem six months ago and it turned out to be a button that was stuck on one of the remotes. I'm the only one with a remote, as my boss' was probably at his house. So I got mine out of my cars glovebox and started fooling with the button. Nothing. Panic. So I got the ladder from inside and pulled the release chain that's attached to the motor. It would come down and then go right back up. After doing this several times I felt the panic start to surge through me. Tired. Depressed. Want to go home. No one to help me. Don't know what to do. Don't know what to do. Can't think clearly. I try to repeat my mantra...calm down, don't cray, calm down, panicking isn't going to do anything CALM DOWN STUPID! Deep breath. Then I remember...the reset button! There's gotta be one! Got back up on the ladder and THERE IT WAS! Pressed it, nothing happens. Pressed again...nothing. PANIC. CRY. PANIC. STOP. Breathe... Press another button right next to it. Gate comes down...*wheewwwwww*

I was so relieved it felt like my brain was melting and pouring out of my ears. That's what it feels like, to me, when a panic attack is over. Light headed. Beating in my brain. I tested my remote a few times and the gate worked fine. So I left. I felt horrible on the drive home. Pathetic for not being able to control myself in a situation. No one saw though, I was all alone. I guess it's another lesson in what panicking helps...absolutely NOTHING. My poor body. The stress coursing through it isn't good for me, I'm sure. I got home, sat down and tried to concentrate on relaxing. But I had tons of laundry to do. I went to it and when I was finally done I laid down on the couch, watched t.v. and promptly fell asleep.

Today I feel a bit better. I'm going to exercise after work again. I haven't since last week. I've just been too tired this week. But it should make me feel much better afterwards. Then I'm going to go home and take a nice, hot shower and make myself a yummy dinner. There's something to look forward to. I guess. M'kay...that's it for now.

I FINISHED something!

Inspired, I pulled out the sketchbook and colored in one of my drawings from a few months ago. Don't ask me what it is. I don't know what to call it yet. It's an idea I got when I went to an art museum last year.



It's a tad on the blurry side, but I'm low tech over here. And I still don't know how to use my digicam. I'm sure there's a way to get the fucker to focus better, I'm just too lazy to read the extensive handbook. The damn thing is two inches thick!

Oh yea, and take a look at my side bar...I put links to all my art posts. Isn't that lovely?

One more thing...

I can't believe I've been at my job for THREE years on the 11th of this month! This year I'm not gonna ask for a raise. I need to earn the next one by just doing a good job. This brought back some memories. I wonder if Melanie and I will ACTUALLY make it to the 'choke fest this year. Something tells me we might not 'cause *singsong* sheeee's got a new boooyyyfrieeeend! Anyway, 'nuff said for now.

Self portraits and more!

My mom's parents holding me about two months after I was born...



This picture was up in the hallway in one of my moms collages for at least 15 years. It's significant to me because I never met my grandma Gertrude. She passed away about a month after this was taken. She was only 62. She died of a hemorrage at the base of her brain. *sigh*

Since I'm such a dork, I've named two consecutive Angelfish Gertrude. The first Gertrude was about three when I had to give her, along with all the other fish in my tank, to the fish store for credit. This was right after I moved out of the ex's place and into Melanie's for a few months. The cat and birds were enough for her to take in. Once moved and settled, I set up the tank and used my store credit to get another Gerdie...



Gerdie number two...isn't she lovely? She's about two years old.


Anyway, I believe I inherited my most of my problem with anxiety and depression from grandma Gerdie. My mom grew up in a predominately happy household, however my grandma didn't like taking her meds and that created some particularly difficult times. My mom and her sisters (2) turned out pretty normal due to the fact that my grandpa has a very strong personality. He was a professional boxer for a time and then became a police detective. He's still going strong today, at 95. Well, his body is strong but the dementia is setting in...much to his childrens dismay. He's made things very difficult because he insists on living on his own still. And it really doesn't help that he lives in timbuck-too. Very far from the family. Maybe THIS year they'll get him into a home. ANYway...my grandma, Gerdie. I'm sorry I never met her. My brothers say she was awesome. My grandpa remarried not too long after Gerdie passed...a bitch from hell...but that's another very long and sordid story... At least she's not around anymore, but she lived 'til the ripe age of 92! Ugh...

On to more self portraits! I was fooling around with the camera last Friday and got some fun self portraits...



SASS-AY!!!!



Are you fucking SERIOUS?



What the fuck EV-ERRRrrr



Nice to meet you!



This was obviously taken at a totally different time. I could wear my hair in a ponytail. I can't wait to be able to do that again. I should never have cut my hair above my shoulders...it sucks! When I'm having a bad hair day, it's so great to be able to put it up. AND when I'm jogging. I get slapped with it now. I think it's almost long enough again...I should give it a shot, actually. Yea. Tomorrow. It looks nice now 'cause I just washed it.

'Kay, off to nigh-night!

Pewie

I'm bizzy bizzy bizzy here at work and suddenly the wonderful smell of popcorn enters my nostrils. Then, just as suddenly, the pleasant smell turns bad. Awful bad. Burnt popcorn stench now permeates the office. Thanks, shipping lady. I needed that.

FrAh-GeE Ot

For some reason, I seemed to be simply FACsinated by frogs during my brief (*uhhmm* 3 year) stint at Jooonier college. Here it is in yet another medium...acrilic paints.



I tore this picture from a National Geographic magazine article on poison dart frogs. The assignment was to paint a realistic picture, whether it be from a magazine, book or from your own personal collection. I was flippin' for ideas and BOOM. Done. I don't remember what it's like to feel that way about painting. It was so easy. Not a chore. I miss it. I know, all I have to do is pull out a brush. Just pull. And the rest will flow. Right?

Hhmmmm-bleeehhhh

I was too sick to go to work today, but NOT too sick to add an entry! Ah, but I feel much better now. I don't know if the shrimp we had on yesterday was bad or what...I kept waking up with searing stomach pain all night. And the GAS...um...I guess I'll spare you the gas... So I stayed home today and drank lotsa tea. Now I finally feel better. It's weird though, because the shrimp was delicious. Cooked with plain 'ol garlic and butter on a bed of rice and veggies. It went down smooth enough. I dunno, my stomach is moody sometimes. But a day of tea, bedrest and farting is enough to make me feel fine.

The rest of the weekend was nice, we got a lot done. Got a new couch from Lisa, rearranged the livingroom again, cleaned up the backyard some... 'Twas lovely. I guess that's it for now. I 'tink I'll have anudder cup 'o tea. Buh-bye fer now!