Smellin' the roses

Well, I applied for my passport this morning. My appointment was at nine so I took a few hours off of work to drive downtown to the Federal Building. So it should be ready by Monday! My first passport! Wow! Isn't that exciting?? Yea. I guess. It's good for me to have one though. Everyone has to travel at least a little bit. Anyway, I was going to have them mail it to me. Since I paid (through the nose) for the process to be expidited, I'm supposed to get it by next Wednesday. Melanie told me that I should go pick it up on Monday, however, because we still need to get our Visas and that process takes at least a week. FUCK! I'm leaving in less than two weeks! Damn! I'm so excited AND SCARED! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Not much else going on today. Work is slow. I'm unmotivated when work is slow. What else is new? Despite all my exciting travel plans I'm feeling a little blah today. Not sure why. Lately I've been thinking that my 'feeling blah' is so selfish, given that all my belongings aren't floating down a river. I have that feeling again, like I need to accomplish something but I just damn don't feel like it. I'd rather smell the roses. Listen to the birds. Watch the sun set. Life is so short... I can't believe I'm almost 30. The next step is supposed to be getting married, starting a family, a mortgage... Bah. Do I want that? I want to get married, but... I don't know. Sometimes I just want to play it by ear. Let time go by and see what happens. That doesn't make sense. I might miss something.

Tonight I'm supposed to go have coffee with a chick I haven't seen in about ten years. She was a neighbor of mine. I ran into her mother at the grocery store a few weeks ago and she gave me her daughter's cell phone number, saying how much she'd probably LOVE to hear from me. We had an on and off, weird friendship. Actually, she's the evil one from an old entry. I don't know how to link entries yet. The particular entry was called "A tribute" and it's in one of my June entries. So I called her up and yes, she would LOVE to get together. Should be interesting, if anything. I'd like to see if she's changed at all.

Tonight it also jogging night. I am in NO mood to do anything. I feel so lazy today. This is precisely the reason why I SHOULD go jogging. Mabye it'll give me some fucking energy. Eck.

Tomorrow is Friday. Yay. I'll be back.

Sticky clod

I'm tired on this hump day. Ty-er-ed. My left knee is sore. I didn't stretch enough yesterday before I did my exercises. Yesterday was "focus on bad areas" day. Namely my butt and my abs. Some of those butt exercises made me contort myself in such a way that I must've pulled something or other. Ow. Advil and coffee will make it go away.

Last night was busy. I got into the cleaning mood, but still managed to avoid doing things that really need to be done... Laundry, fish tank, car wash... I'm very anal about my fish tank and I feel bad that I haven't been in the mood to clean it lately. I only have to really clean it about once every two months. It only involves draining the tank a little less than halfway, bleaching the plastic plants (1 part bleach to 5 parts water) and cleaning out the filters. I should do this on the weekend, but I've been so LAY-ZEE. The tank doesn't even look bad, to normal people anyway. There's a little algea on the plants and glass and the water's not as sparkly. Ugh. That's not as important as laundry. I'm runnin' outta undies again. And my car is a rolling dirt clod again. Even the steering wheel cover is kinda sticky. Ew. That's a new development from this weekend. Ron drove it some. Hmmm...

So maybe I'll get to laundry tonight. I dunno. I have to get something done but I'm in no mood. I know, I'm gonna go hit up the coffee pot again. Yea. Later.

Being here

HI. The last few days have been...um...nice. Not much to say. I always start my entries without thinking about them. There's actually plenty to say since I last updated. My weekend was swell. I went jogging again on Friday. Saturday I went with Melanie to get my passport pictures taken. We also started a list of things we need to do and buy before the trip. This week's goal is to get my passport. I already have an appointment at the Federal building. I just need a certified copy of my birth certificate, which I'm going to try to get after work today. Sunday was the last beach trip of the summer with cousin Mark and the kiddie-pooh. The weather was nice but the water was way too cold to swim. It was an enjoyable day for all, anyhow. 'Cept Ron was a bit hung over from the Saturday night concert he went to with some friends from work. A nice boys night out for him. He got home at 3 a.m. all pumped from the experience. He said he wished I'd have been there 'cause it was so much fun and he missed me. Awww... Of course I was the good girlfriend and told him how happy I was for him that he'd had such a great time and that he needed it. We stayed up 'til 5 a.m., forgetting that we had made plans with Mark for the beach. I couldn't fall asleep because Ron was snoring like a freight train. That's another reason I didn't swim on Sunday. Too tired. After the beach on Sunday we didn't do much. I completely blacked out in the car on the way home. All I remember is getting on the freeway and then we were in my driveway. And my neck was killing me. I did go with Melanie to pick up our plane tickets from her dad. I have tickets in hand... WOO!

Yesterday was a slow day at work. Add the fact that some dipshit at the power company screwed up the works causing a MAJOR blackout... Not a very eventful day. Plenty of daily poo-poo work to do, but I just fibble fabbled around...did what I had to though. After work was an impromptu visit with Lisa. She's the new convert to the girl's side. 'Member her? I don't know how to link entries, but I mention her in one of my first entries. Anyway, I had to drop the keys off at her house 'cause I'd watched her kitties last week while she and her girlfriend were in Hawaii for a wedding. Fun fun. It was nice seeing her. Hadn't really talked to her all summer. I had a lot to tell and so did she. So we ended up talking for hours and then the three of us went to dinner when her girlfriend got home. I'm getting better with the whole thing, it's not quite so weird anymore. She's still having some major emotional problems, however. Poor girl...up and down, UP and DOWN. I can completely relate and tried to offer as much advice as I could. Namely...DON'T EVER stop taking your meds. She stopped over the week of the trip and has become an emotional ball of nerves. This is where my duty as a lifelong friend comes in. Gotta be there for her. Yea, all us fucking nutjobs gotta be there for each other!

Seems it's time for me to stop complaining about not having any friends. Since my little sorry for myself session about three weeks ago, I've gotten quite a few 'hints' that I have pah-lenty of people who care about me. Even little miss popular emailed me yesterday. YUP. The Myspace whore. She seemed quite apologetic. But now I know what kind of person she is. Kinda flighty. I don't "need" her anymore. My little backing off strategy worked for me and for her. Always does. That's life. So simple unless you complicate it.

Speaking of life... A fucking fleeting thing, life. Another email buddy told me yesterday that she lost two of her best friends in a car accident over the weekend. She hadn't talked to them in a few weeks. They died in a rockslide on Sunday. Holy shit. Another thing to blow me away. Put things in perspective, again. So many of those little "perspective setting" happenings. I'm feeling a little weird today, been thinking too much again.

Today marks 10 months with Ron. They've flown. It's almost been a YEAR. A year seems so short, compared to my six year ordeal with dickhead. But a year is a lot when you feel like you've known the person for much longer. Add to that fact the whole way we just mesh...and it's all good. He even got me a card. He left it out for me to discover this morning. It was beautiful. I'm so in love. It's a gift to be in love. Never forget it. Never take it for granted.

Okay, I need to get some work done so I can call Lisa. She needs to talk more. It's time for me to do what I do best...and just be there for her.

PARTY!!! Sure, that's what it is...

YEA! We're havin' FFFuuuun! Gee, is it a pic from last Friday? Why, yes it is! WWhhheeee are DORKS! Yes, yes we ARE!!

Look! We're hanging out! Isn't that exciting! Yea, Ron is sittin' on his amp just being the sexy schmoozer he is.

Portrait of me by Pickles' cage. I was a little 'out of it'. Shoving the camera at Ron..."Take a piccher! Take a piccher!" Dork. Fun being a Dork.

Cha-Cha-Cha-CHINA!!

Well, I officially have a ticket to China. I can't believe this...I'm going to China. I've never left the country and I'm going to China. How foreign can you get?? HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT! WWWEEeeeeeeHOooooooooooo!!!!!! I'm so excited! I'm gonna go fucking BACKPACKING on the fucking WALL! It's time to grab life by the BALLS I tell ya! Okay, okay... I just hope this getting my passport business isn't too complicated. Gonna be starting that process tomorrow, 'cause I ain't got much time! I'm going to CHINA!!!!

More poop

I'm feeling a bit 'Had' at the moment. I'm done spending money on vet appointments for Stanley's teeth for a while. Yesterday's appointment really pissed me off...as stated here in an email to my friend:

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Stan is doing fine... *sigh* I got totally REEEEEEEEEEEEMED by that second vet I took him to...the cat specialist. I expected it to be expensive, but I guess I expected more of an answer. More of a difinitive answer, at least. I first took him there two weeks ago to be checked out. They took urine and gave him different medications. Cost me $230. They told me to bring him back in two weeks (which was yesterday) and in the meantime, fax in his blood test results (from an earlier vet visit at the other place that cost me $250) so that they could evaluate that along with the urine and rule out any other problems. M'kay... So I go back yesterday and the doctor looks at him for all of five minutes. Tells me that nothing showed up in the urine test and the blood test wasn't extensive enough to see anything, either... It SHOULD HAVE been! That damn blood test alone cost me $50! He said his gums look better though, which they did because of the meds and cortisone shot from two weeks ago. So he just gives me more meds (antibiotics and the same meds from two weeks ago, not sure what they're called but it's a therapy for this gum thing that's helped in the past) and tells me to come back in three weeks again... Okay...yesterday cost me another $130. Can you see a trend here? So I ask them what I'm supposed to do and tell them that I can't afford to keep coming back. The tech "suggests" that I do as much research as I can and see what's out there. Great! THANKS! Basically, these vets don't know what the fuck they're doing about this fucking disease. They're just "trying" new shit and charging me up the ass all the way. I'm sorry, but I'm mad. I've spent $600 on vet bills for Stan this year for his fucking teeth and that's IT. I love him to peices, but this is rediculous. I can't afford this anymore. This cat vet butthead said that he doesn't have it bad enough, where his teeth would have to be removed. He said he's seen much worse cases. Okay, that's some news at least. All the other damn vet kept saying is that his teeth are horrible and he's fat. This vet says he looks just fine. The other vet neglected to tell me that she is so worried about his weight because she's been treating him with cortisone and that is known to increase chances of diabetes in overweight cats. Never told me that... Just he's fat, he's gotta lose weight. HE IS 15 pounds! He's a big cat! Shit, lady! So I am FED the fuck up! I'm going to stretch out the meds they gave me and NOT go back to that place. My next thing is to check out homiopathic treatments...talk to people, do more research. I am done for now. Another expensive lesson learned. When all else fails I'm having his teeth extracted and getting him DENTURES! Shit!
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So that's that. It's been a nice week. Last night Melanie called and talked more about going to China to stay with our friend Devon at the end of this month. She's going to stay a week. She had told me last week when she came over. I was amazed that she was already doing it. I asked her how and she told me...it's not as expensive as I thought! Then she asked if I'd like to go, too, 'cause it's a once in a lifetime thing to have someone you know staying in the orient. What the hell! I'm gonna do it! Now it's just scrambling to get my Visa and Passport. Her dad is an avid traveler, so he's looking into tickets for me. Hopefully it'll all work out. I don't have much time, but this is really something I want to do. An experience for the non-traveler. It'll be good for me...don't stress out. Hehehe...

Hmmm, not much else going on. Toby is still cute as hell and I'm going to try to get pics of him this weekend. I had him and Pickles out on the playstand last night and they're getting along okay...'cept when Pickles decides to be a little brat. But I think he's pretty happy about having another lil' birdy inna house. Yea...'cause I can tell, ya know? The birdies...they talk to me. *blink* *blink*

Plans for this weekend? One last beach trip with Ron, cousin Mark and his son. We're going to "the rock" beach again. It's just beautiful there. It's damn overcast today. I love it for a change, but it's not good beach weather. Oh well, we may just stay in and cuddle all weekend.

Back to work...I have errands to run. And then after work, I gots to run. Then I'm gonna go home and do a big poop. Yea. What IS it with the word poop, you ask? I'm just a weirdo. Later!

Alcoholic

Is it Tuesday already? UUGHGHGhgghgrrghghaaa!!! Poop turd shit holes! How can the long weekend go by so quickly? Why? WHYY??? It seems like only yesterday that I was slurring the words, "...and it's only FRY-daayy!"

My little get end of the summer get together turned out to be a blast. I've even got pictures!!! ...for a later entry. Those pictures will be included with the ones that I will be taking of Toby sometime in the near future. Didn't want to scare him with the camera contraption right away. I'm really bad at taking pictures, too. It's always like, "AH hell! You're right! I should have brought a camera!" The pics from Friday are really nothing terribly exiting. Lessee...we've got one of Melanie and I with half of her face cut off, a blurry pic of Stan and I with half MY face cut off... I think there's one of everyone sitting in the livingroom. Well, the livingroom/den/dining area. That's all I can remember at the moment.

It was the perfect social gathering of friends and everyone was so comfortable with each other. I'm still so amazed when this happens because hey, I ain't exactly the "social butterfly". Small, intimate gatherings of two or three people are my thing. There were actually FIVE of my friends IN MY HOUSE on Friday night! Melanie, Tyra, Dave, Mike and of course, Ron. Wait...he doesn't count. Does he? Well, I'll make him count. Hehehe! It was great though. We stayed up 'til the wee hours just talking, laughing and being plain silly.

Once again I will say, I could NEVER ever do this with my ex...have people over and be drinking and smoking (out) together. He'd always be afraid the cops were on their way to bust us all and therefore, eradicate all chances of him ever (ever) becoming a city or county fireman. NO offense to all city, county fireman/cops/good, straight people. Your services are of utmost importance to society. My ex's main problem was not accepting me for who I was around these certain friends. I could never actually BE myself around these people if he was there. So, you're in a field that doesn't allow drugs. You were never into them. So what, you still have to accept ME for who I AM. I'm sorry, I'm an artist. I like to drink and smoke. I like to, uh, travel in my mind. Yea, that's it! These are bad habits, I know, but I really try to keep them in check (bad excuse...ahem). I don't let things get too out of hand. He didn't give me credit for having a brain and knowing when enough is enough. And of course, I don't plan on "partying" for the rest of my life. I CAN'T when (and if) I have kids! Hell no!!!

Ron, by the way, has quit "partying" so much since he's over 30. I'm thinking I'll be slowing things down around 30 as well. His last drug experience was on his 30th birthday. Also, his current occupation does not allow for drugs anymore, as he gets random drug tests. He does have an affection for beer though and doesn't hesitate to have a few after a hard day...or...um...a day. But he's not into hard alcohol, I've found. Poor guy has gotten more than one nasty hangover from drinking too much vodka with me.

Gawd, I sound like an alocholic drug addict! But I'm not! Like I've said before, *singsong voice* I can quit whenever I want! No really, there comes a time in life when that shit's gotta stop. I never went away to college, I was a good girl all through highschool... Hell, it's okay to use my twenties to get some of this shit out of my system. Just don't let it take over. I have a head on my shoulders that works MOST of the time, so I know this. Really.

On to the rest of my weekend. BORE. RING. We were gonna go on a bike ride, run various errands, have a bbq, go to the beach, go to the movies, lalalalalala... The only thing we managed to peel our asses off the couch for was the bbq last night. It was just too fucking HOT to do anything else. I wanted to exercise but I was too tired! I should stick to the theme and say that it had to do with the copious (nice word, I like it!) amounts of cannibus inhaled by me...bad, bad girl!!! It wasn't yer typical stuff, however... I don't know WHERE my brother got this but I was in a fucking COMA for an hour after smoking. Then came the munchies. Holy beee-jeebus the munchies!!! Okay, so all I did was sit around and eat all weekend. Again. This is becoming an all too regular thing. I am a loser. Shit.

Oh well, back on track come today. I can't lay around any more. My back was killing me this morning...from all the laying around. I'm going for a jog tonight...or tomorrow. Either way I have to get some exercise again. For now I'm going to work on finishing my workday without anymore distractions. I must use what few brain cells remain. Fuck, that's not funny...

Thinking Thankful

I feel it's somewhat necessary for me to post something about the tragedy in New Orleans... It's awful to think about. I can't believe what's happened. Yet another reminder that I should be thankful for what I have. It's so easy to say, "Be thankful for what you have, it could be taken away at ANY moment", without really THINKING about it. Well, in light of what's happened over there...I'm thinking. Yes. And I'm thankful. And I'm praying...

Buddies

There's Caramel (the one with the lighter colored head)curled up with one of her new buddies, Shrew. Shrew is a dumbo rat. You can't see it in the picture, but dumbo rats have bigger ears that are on the sides of their heads. They're pretty funny looking little mutants. Hehehe... Shrew was a bit aggressive toward Caramel at first, kept chasing her and getting in little scuffs with her while we watched. It wasn't long 'til they settled down though. Not much longer (the next day, actually) 'til they were cuddling like this. AAAAaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

Soooprize, sooooprize!

Last night I got home and Ron had a surprise for me. Just because. I know...nausiating, isn't it? He may have his faults, but who the hell doesn't? He has proven to be such a thoughtful, caring man so many times over in the months that we've been dating. I guess I should enjoy it while it lasts and most importantly, REMEMBER these things when times get tough...as they inevitably do in all relationships. It's just the nature of the beast. I know it's still just the beginning, but we're just building the foundation of love that is needed for long term survival. Yes, uh-huh. I sound like Doctor fucking Phil. Anyway, when I got home last night he was like, "Go to the fridge and look over your right shoulder...follow the red flower..." So I do just that and what do I see? On my bookshelf is a little square wrapped in the Sunday funnies with a red hibiscus flower taped to it like a bow. Awwwww... I go over and sit on the couch next to him to open it. He got me the 4 DVD set of old Warner Brothers cartoons! I have been wanting that since it came out a year ago! I had mentioned this about three weeks ago, when we went music shopping. I had seen it on the shelf then and I couldn't afford it. Wow. He remembered. Damn, he's so fucking thoughtful!!!! I love him so much... 'Kay, don't puke...I'm sorry...

OH! One more thing... If that's not enough, later on in the evening he rescued Pickles off of the garage ROOF! Yes, I know all about birds and how they can fly even if they only have ONE flight feather and a slight breeze. 'Cept I didn't think about that yesterday when I took Pickles and Toby outside to show my neighbor's little girl. She reached up to pet Pickles again, after she'd pet him several times, and for some reason he freaked and took off. I just stood there slack-jawed, watching my pet fly onto the roof...waaayyy the hell outta reach. What was the FIRST thing outta my stupid mouth? "OH SHIT (naturally) I'd better clip him!" If I get him back alive, that is. If a fucking CROW or HAWK doesn't swoop down and grab his little bright colored, vulnerable as hell ass off the ROOF, THAT IS!!!! AAAAAA!!!! Amazing, I did not panic. I didn't have time to! Ron to the rescue! *Blaring trumpets* The guy scaled the fucking garage WALL. He jumped up and got ahold of the roof with his hands and lifted himself onto the roof, all in about 5 seconds! It was quite funny watching a grown man chase a waddling little bird around. Pickles: "Peep peep peep peep PEEEEPP!!!!" Ron: "Good bird, gooooooood bird. C'mere...c'mere...it's okay...GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT! C'mere...c'mere..." Eventually he was able to get Pickles to fly down to me...well, the ground anyway. *whew* Thank you, honey!!!!

Last night was pretty damn fun. After the bird fiasco we went in the house to commence watching cartoons. Aaahhhh... The simple life.

I'm looking forward to the long weekend, of course. Who the hell wouldn't be?? Tonight I'm having some friends over for an end of the summer party. We might barbeque, we might not. Who knows. We're just gonna party and see what happens. It'll be Melanie, Tyra, Mike and his friend Bam (nickname of course, I still don't know what his real name is) Ron and I. Just a little get together, gonna play things by ear. Melanie and I just LOVE playing things by ear! Mmmm-hmmm! We'll see what happens! Should be lots of fun.

I don't know what's up for the rest of the weekend. I'll probably spend tomorrow recovering from tonight. I really want to go on a nice bike ride again, perhaps a trail in the valley or something...since it's cooled down and all. Yup, the wind started blowing Monday evening and that usually means a change in the weather. It's gradually gotten cooler all week. Happy happy joy joy. I was able to exercise this week, too. Tuesday I did a full body muscle workout and Thursday I went for a jog. It felt great and I feel all skinny today. Well, not skinny...but, uh...muscular I guess. I will never be skinny, nor do I ever want to be. I like to be athletic looking. A little well distributed cellulite is not a bad thing. Just so long as I have a nice shape, which I do. This semi-regular exercise really helps me to keep in overall good shape. Not to mention, it helps me not feel so bad when I pig out.

Ah hell, Ron just called and he got another fucking parking ticket from parking on my street last night. He was on the wrong side again. Damnit! I hate my street. There's NEVER any parking and you gotta watch the signs like a hawk. They're like..."NO PARKING on Wednesdays between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m., NO PARKING on Friday between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m...." Gotta make sure you read the signs! Ugh.

Alrighty, time to get a little work done before I head out to get lunch for the three of us. We did very well in sales last month so we's gonna celebrate! Woowoowoooooo!!! Lookin' forward to a nice, huge sandwich. I didn't eat much dinner last night and therefore I am getting hungry.

Bye bye!

The Haps

Ah, reporting to the diary after an eventful few days. Well, not all THAT eventful, given the fact that it's so fucking hot again. No, I won't start another complaining about the heat rant. I promise.

First off that Toby bird is a piggy! He eats three times as much as Pickles! It's because he's such an energetic little fellow, constantly hopping from toy to toy and peeping gleefully the whole time. Little turbo Toby! And I was worried he wouldn't eat enough or adjust well. So far he's doing great and he's cute as a button. I love that saying...cute as a button. It's cute as a button. 'Kay, yea... I'm very happy with Toby...he's curious and playful and adjusting very well so far to his new surroundings and me. He just needs to settle into the routine now. He's still pretty apprehensive about me reaching into his cage to take him out but eventually he'll calm down and get into the routine as Pickles has. I'll have to try to get a picture of him, he's so pretty. I didn't realize how many colors of green and blue he had. And he's just going to get more and more gorgeous as he molts because he's got great eating habits. He's going to help me improve Pickles' eating habits, I'm sure. They did a great job with him and I'm very glad I decided to buy a bird from this particular store. They really know their shit!

Okay, on to my weekend. Friday night Ron came with me to drop Caramel off at her new home. Bless his heart, this place was in timbuck-fucking-toooo. It would have taken us only an hour to get there, but Ron pulled the typical guy-that-thinks-he-knows-where-he's-going-don't-ask-for-directions-my-mind-is-a-map thing. Ended up taking an hour and forty-five gas guzzling minutes ONE way. We got home much faster at least and I was very happy to have the company on the drive. Although the drive was the pain in the ass, I couldn't have been happier to see Caramel's new real esatate. And what a sweet couple! They were exactly our age and we had a lovely time chatting and joking with them while we watched the rats to see how they all got along. The cage this girl had for her two rats was a ferret cage, so it was HUGE. It had all kinds of toys...ropes, ladders, tubes, balls, platforms and hideaways...a rat theme park in a cage! She told me how she lets them out every day, feeds them fresh veggies and treats every day...just wonderful! These were her only pets so she doted on them, of course. The three rats got along famously. It wasn't long (after sniffing every orifice on Caramel) before they were playing and chasing each other all around the giant cage. I was so happy and relieved when I left. The girl is going to keep me updated on her progress, too. So far I've gotten an email from her telling me how great they all get along and that she'll send me a picture of the three of them cuddling. AAWWWWWWwwww!!!! What a happy ending. Whew!

On to Saturday, another blazing day. Ron and I decided to head to the beach for a bike ride. It was great fun until we were on our way back to the car. We had decided to park the car up on the streets, near a cool car show that was going on. So we parked, checked out the cars for while (Ron drooled over them) and then rode down to the bike trail by the sand. We about 15 miles north of the beach we parked at, to a strip of bars and restaurants along the docks of another beach. Once we got there we proceded to drink yummy beers at this bar Ron used to go to with his surfer buddies. Ron has exquisite taste in imported beer and before long I was kinda sorta shitfaced. I just had to try that one...aaaand this one...and, um...that one and this one. We made sure to sit around and sober up some before we made the ride back...by which time it was beginning to get dark. On the way back things got scary because I lost Ron. He got way ahead of me, as he always does and I kept expecting him to come back to get me...as he always does. So when I didn't see him for a long while I started to panic. Naturally. I decided to start asking people if they had cell phones I could use. Ron had his, but I didn't have mine...my first mistake. Before long I found a woman with a cell phone and she let me use it, although begrudgingly it seemed. I was obviously worried and upset, tears streaming down my face. She didn't seem to care...she had an attitude like, "would you hurry up, you stupid bitch..." So I tried his phone and he wasn't answering. I gave her the phone back and thanked her. She took it and gave me a weird look, something between a half smirk and a frown and walked off without a word. I thought...strange...m'kay, fuck you too bitch. Then I hurried on my way, panicking and crying the whole way. I reached the bottom of the street we'd parked on in no time, it seemed, because I was pedaling like a mutherfucker. Still crying and looking all around, not knowing what to do... I heard a woman call out to me. There was a nice couple in a van...ahhhh....I told them the whole scenario and they offered to let me use their cell phone. He still didn't answer and they offerend to take me and my bike back to the car to see if he was there. There ARE nice people in this world! So they took me to the car and in the meantime Ron called their cell...THANK GOD! He was on his way to the car...

It turns out that Ron had stopped to pee along the trail and I just merrily sailed right past him. It must have been in a spot where there were a lot of people and I didn't see him at all. He waited and waited for me to show up and then ended up back tracking to try to find me. He noticed a missed call on his cell and quickly called the number back. This was the woman who's phone I'd used first. I don't know what that woman's problem was, but she was extremely rude to Ron. He told me how she started actually YELLING at him, "Why aren't you with your girlfriend?! You should keep track of your girlfriend, she's with the police now!" Then she hung up on him. I was apalled when I heard that! How dare her assume such things! Ron was so angry that he called her back and said, "I'm sorry, we got off on the wrong foot..." And she says, "Yea, whatever..." To which he replies, "FUUUUCK YOOOOUUUUU!!!!" *click* By this time he had really started panicking, too, and was riding like a maniac through the stupid people who just INSISTED on walking on the bike trail. In trying to avoid hitting a couple, Ron ended up flying off the trail and crashing in the sand. He cut his wrist pretty badly. By the time he got to me, he was all dishevelled and upset. He was actually crying! Poor, poor guy... I felt so bad! I started crying and apologizing all over him. He started crying and apologizing all over me. It was like a fucking corny ass movie! "I'm so sorry!" "NO, I'M sorry!" "No, no no! I'm sorry! I thought I'd lost you!!" Eeesh. To lighten the mood I told him that while I'd been waiting for him by the car, I had to pee so bad that I'd just pulled down my shorts, sat on the edge of the curb and whizzed in the street. That picture, along with the still apparent puddle running under the car, set us both off laughing like dorks. Then we got the fuck outta there. We both blamed ourselves for the incident and promised NEVER to lose track of each other like that again. Little scary lesson there. We were so lucky nothing happened.

So that was Saturday...whew. Sunday we spent lounging, drinking homemade margaritas and watching movies all day. Then we got some crazy chicken and ate like pigs. Mmmmmmm...I was blowing the covers off the bed with my lovely, loud farts all night. DAMN those pinto beans!

I finally finally FINALLY went grocery shopping yesterday. I can't believe how long I put it off this time. Then I came home and cleaned up the mountain of weekend dishes. We weren't even home that much and we managed to dirty a shitload of dishes. But I finally have some energy again, even though it's hot out. I'm in the mood to get my exercise routine back on track. So tonight I'm staying at the office to do a small workout. Hopefully it'll be cool enough on Thursday for me to go for a short jog. I can't go too long without exercise or I feel like shit. It's almost time, I'd better wrap up...

Kinks are smoothin'

OH boy oh boy oh boyyy!!! Lil' Toby beerrdie beeerd is hoooome! Yaaayy!! I picked his tiny ass up after work yesterday. What a little pistol he is! He kept looking at me, cocking his little head to the side and eyeing me on and off all the way home. All the while he chirped to the radio with his cute little teeny chirp. Once I got him home, I took him over in his little carrying cage and showed him to Pickles, who chirped his approval...well, he made all sorts of noises at Toby...it was adorable. Then I took him out of the carrier to hold him a bit before I put him in his cage. He did NOT like that...he was nipping and nipping and that soon turned to BITING...OUCH! Actually, it wasn't too bad, he wasn't drawing blood like Apples the parakeet used to do. He was just scared to death, being in an entirely new place and all. So I finally took the hint and put him in his cage to settle in. I just have to work with him little by little and he's sure to come around once he's more comfortable with his new surroundings. Yesterday was a lot for him to take.

The lady at the store was great, too. She sent me off with all sorts of free stuff...three new toys, tons of good food and a new little carrying cage. So Toby is set. Although, I have to bring him in Saturday or Sunday for a weigh in, just to make sure he's not losing too much weight from being stressed and not eating enough. I hope he eats some of the millet spray I put in his cage this morning before I left. I like to call millet bird pot. The little tight groupings of seeds are all lined up on a big stem, just like pot buds... Hehe...and birds got nuts for it. They LOVE it.

Oh yea, and a funny thing happened when I was picking Toby up. A guy came in at the same time I did to pick up his little parrotlet. His was from the same clutch as mine. He brought in the cage he bought for the bird to bring him home in. The cage happened to be the EXACT same one I had gotten for Toby...'cept it was black and mine is white. The bird store lady saw it and RIGHT away said,"Oh, that's the perfect size for one parrotlet, that's PLENTY big!" HAHA! I so wanted to tell her about the pink elephant her husband tried to sell me! All I said was, "COOL! I have the same one!" Isn't that awesome?! I know...I get excited over the lamest things.

Very good news on the Caramel front! Wednesday, Ron and I had gone to the local Pe*co to see if they would take her. As it turned out, they had too many rats up for adoption already and couldn't take in another one. So we left and on the way home Ron told me that he wanted to keep Caramel and would take on most of the responsibility for her. What a sweetheart. Here he is, allergic to her, and he wanted to keep her. He said he'd go out and buy her one of those hamster balls to run around in and some more cage accessories. AWWW.... I thought this would be fine, at least until I found someone to adopt her. Well, yesterday I got an email from a woman who wants her! She's got two other female rats that are around Caramel's age and a huge cage to put them all in! I was so relieved and I let her know in my email with WAY too many enthusiastic THANK YOOOUUUs!!!!...I'm sure... So Caramel has a home to go to, one that is much better than what Ron and I would have been able to provide for her. The only catch is that the lady lives kinda far from me, about an hour or so. I'm just going to leave tonight when the traffic dies down I guess. I want to get her out of that lonely cage and into her new, lovely home as soon as possible.

I have SO learned my lesson from this fiasco. I will NOT get any more pets. Everyone keeps telling me, "Pfft, oh yea...FAMOUS last words!" This time I mean it though. I feel awful for running out and getting all these animals without thinking of how it'll be in the long run. That's so immature of me. I have to be a responsible adult now and take good care of the pets that I already have. It's going to stay at Stanley cat, Pickles bird, Toby bird, Rosie tarantula and fishies. That is enough. The next time I get an urge I will definately think of all that I went through this year. However, I AM proud of myself, as I should be. I DID manage to find homes for my unwanted pets. It all turned out for the best.

Last night turned out to be a blast. Ron and I went out for sushie. It was a special treat, as we can't afford to do it often. We went for the "All you can eat" special and it was wonderful. We stuffed ourselves to duh gills! Yes, oh so appropriate a saying when it comes to sushie, doncha 'tink? I actually think it's better when you don't get to do it so often, makes it all the more appreciated. Afterwards we went over to Melanie's house to hang 'cause I hadn't seen her in a while. A couple of Melanie's guy friends were there, too. We all had a great time being silly and laughing. Ron fits in so well with my friends, it's wonderful... I can't express how absolutely fabulous it is to have a boyfriend that I don't have to worry about embarrassing me. I didn't realize how important this was to a relationship. I'd always separated my friends and boyfriend when I was dating dickhead. Although I don't have too many friends, it's still important to me that I be comfortable having them around my boyfriend.

Well that's it for now. I can't wait 'til this day is over. I'm so glad it's Friday. It's hot as fuck out again. Oh well. I'll be sure to drink plenty of beer.

Nads

Okay, WHO IN THE HELL thought it would be cool to have fake NADS hanging from the back of their truck/SUV???!! WHO??!! What in the FUCK is THAT??

When I first came upon this atrocity, the said nads were in a black "sac" of sorts dangling from the trailer hitch of a very stupid looking truck which was an obvious "penis extension" to its lame driver. You know the kind of truck, accessorized to the tee and complete with the elevation reserved for a fucking RIG. One knew these particular dangling objects were meant to represent nads due to their authentic "one-hanging-just-a-smidge-lower-than-the-other" disposition.

I had hoped this phenomenon would not catch on, as it is completely lame, absurd, atrocious, disgusting and all of a string of many more unflattering descriptive words that I would be able to tack onto this sentence. To my ultimate dismay it seems to be in its infancy of doing just that...catching on, becoming somewhat of a trend. In the past six months since my first sighting, have been SIX more...and they're not all black anymore. Some have been just silver balls and others...others have actually been PINK. The most disturbing sighting thus far was yesterday's. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw pink ones hanging from what I like to refer to as "a pregnant rollerskate". I think it was a Geo or an Aspire or some other cheap, gas efficient pile. WHY???? I thought these obnoxious things were reserved only for those with the "balls" to drive huge, gas guzzling monsters! HUH??!

Of course this is just my opinion, but what is UP with these?? I simply HATE utterly retarded trends like these. This fits right in with those fucking "Calvin pissing" stickers. 'Member those? AARRGGHGHGHG!!!! OH and don't forget the dorks driving the huge SUVs with the "Family" stick figure stickers on the back window. "Look! This is how many fuckheaded lametards (like me) I'VE added to the overpopulated world thus far!" Yea, I know...me and my harsh opinions. People will do what they want and I have no control over it.

Sorry...I just can't help it. My inner cynic takes control, especially in the cyber pages of this diary where it is free to roam. It's much better to let it out here than let it get me killed in the real world. I should learn to control it and not let these miniscule things get to me so much. Ron tells me that often. I find myself telling HIM that, too. Just go on with life, do whatcher gonna do and don't worry so much about all the stupid, harmless things that other people do. Yea, in writing this I see just what a knitpicking BITCH I am. Oh well...just another thing to work on I guess. But I STILL HATE those fucking NADS!!! Hehehehehe!!!

Cat's Ass

Ya know, if I didn't have pets I'd be fucking rich. I knew yesterday's vet visit would be expensive, I just KNEW it. Too bad I love that fucking cat so much. Shithead. Why does he have to be so CUTE? WHY? Animals...ugh... Just WAIT 'til I have kids! Man oh man... The things that bring joy to my life are/will be worth their expense.

I'm glad I took him to another vet...it was a good idea to get another opinion/treatment option. 'Cept it's costing me so damn much to even find out what exactly is WRONG. But we're getting closer. I got another perspective from a vet who treats cats and ONLY cats. He knows what he's doing and he's seen Stanley's affliction several times. He told me that Stan's case isn't as bad as others he's seen and treated, which made me feel a little better. He told me not to bother brushing his teeth, which was another relief. It just irritates his tender gums all the more. He also gave me a different kind of medicine to ease the inflamation and pain for the time being, until we find out what's going on and can decide what the ultimate treatment will be. Oh yea, and he took a urine specimen. Poor, poor Stan. He had NO idea he could be forced to pee, I'm SURE. He actually gave me the "treatment" for a little while when we got home. That's rare for him. He was pissed...literally! I'm glad I brought him in though. I feel like we've made progress. I just hope we get to the bottom of this damn problem.

I got a call from the vaggie doctor yesterday, too. Good news, the biopsy came back as she thought it would...just the virus and nothing else. Thank you, oh wonderful vaggie doctor, thank you! I'll have to go back in four months for another test. She said it sometimes takes up to a year to go away. 'Til then I have to take my vitamins and quit this smoking thing. All the better time to make Ron get into a more healthy lifestyle. He really needs to quit smoking, too. He's cut down a lot since I've met him, but he needs to call it quits for good. Damnit. Fucking VICES...

I feel so out of it today. I don't want to do a thing. It's another slow day at work. I just want this day to end. I hate feeling this way and I hope it passes. I feel apprehensive, worried, depressed, anxious... Not to extremes, but it's there. It makes me so afraid to quit my medication. If I'm still feeling this way while I'm on it, imagine how I'd feel without it! Simple solution...stay on the medication. It's almost been a full year of taking it regularly and not skipping doses. It's helping a lot. I'm also trying to quit drinking so much. I haven't been up to exercising as much in the past month so I'm trying not to eat and drink as much. Especially beer. Beer is a very fattening culprit. I need to find more positive things to do besides smoke and drink. Not healthy at all.

Ugh...tonight is laundry night. I was gonna do the Caramel deed tonight, but that's going to have to wait until tomorrow now. Ron and I both have a ton of laundry to do. I don't think I'll want to do anything else after that. Once again it's all I feel like doing is going home and going to bed. I'm letting life overwhelm me again. I have to take it one day at a time. It's eleven a.m. now. I only have five more hours to go. Let them be productive. I have to take my mind off of this lump in my stomach. Look forward to going home and seeing Ron. Be happy for him, he deserves it. Life goes on..."long after the thrill 'o livin' is gone..." Hehehe, I need to get that album...as soon as I'm done paying off vaggie and vet bills.

Swell weekend

What a nice weekend. I even got some cleaning done! I still have a shitload of laundry and grocery shopping to do, but those things WILL get done this week. I've been putting them off for long enough.

So Friday's drive to the airport was just as completely shitty as I thought it would be. Altogether, I was on the road for three and a half hours. I surprised myself at how calm I was...the entire time. I didn't get frustrated or upset at the crawling traffic ONCE! I guess I'd sufficiently psyched myself up for it. It's probably because I knew it was Friday and that I had nothing to do but relax when I got home. Which is just what I did.

Saturday I was supposed to bring Caramel to the pet store. I didn't get around to it because I had wanted Ron to go with me and he was busy running errands all day. I've planned to do the deed on Tuesday, with Ron. I...I just need the support... So instead of dealing with that, I put it off to go to the bird store for another visit with Toby. I spent an hour and a half sitting with poopsie and listening to all the other parrots talk and scream. It was relaxing. For some reason all the parrot noise was comforting to me. Probably because I was in the mood for it. I don't know if I could handle all that noise on a regular basis though. Hence my choice of tiny birds with relatively small voices. By the end of my visit, Toby was nestled in my shirt between my boobs...a pocket parrot's favorite place to be. Every time I hold Pickles, he's gotta make at least one trip down there to cuddle and make his little birdy-purr noise of contentment. It's so cute, sounds like a little buzz. Toby's just a youngun' though, only about 10 weeks old. He's going to need a lot more bonding time. What's great is the fact that he's not petrified of humans. I've never started out with a hand-fed baby bird before. Hand-fed doesn't necessarily guarantee a tame bird, you still have to work to bond with them and keep them tame. But it's easier because you don't have to deal with a bird that shits itself when it sees you coming at it. Getting past that stage takes a lot of patience and understanding. I was able to do it with Pickles and Leonard, but I don't want to deal with that again. So Toby will be ready to come home by Thursday of this week. He's been eating solid adult food for the past week or so. YAY!

After the birdy visit I wasn't in the mood to do much else but lay around and watch movies with Ron. It was nasty hot again on Saturday and that just turned me into a puddle of sweaty pooh. We got some fast food and set up a comfy bed in front of the t.v. for a nice evening of movie watching. Sunday we got up fairly early 'cause Ron had more to do and I REALLY had to clean the house. Then we were going to my parents for a bbq. So I got on the dusting, vacuuming and mopping while he did his thing. We were done and ready to go by 1:00 p.m. Amazing! We got to my parents by about 2:15 and enjoyed a lovely afternoon of chatting, drinks and ribs. It had been WAY too long since I'd gone out to visit my parents. They've only seen Ron a few times since I've started dating him. It was nice to spend some time, just the four of us, so my parents could get to know Ron some more. All in all it was a great time...

By the time we got home I was exhausted. I don't know why...probably the combination of the heat, lots of yummy food and, of course, the flow of beer and wine. So after a little winding down it was off to bed to sleep like the dead 'til the alarm went off this morning.

I'm here alone again today, which is nice. It's not too busy. I'm going to leave about ten minutes early so I can get Stan to the vet. I made an appointment at a cats-only vet to get some input on what else can be done about his teeth. The other vet is reluctant to just go ahead and remove the bad teeth so I want to see what this one says. I'm tired of spending money on antibiotics and medications that don't work. I'll probably go by whatever this vet says. I just want to ease poor Stan's mouth pain.

Okay, it's time to get back to work. Break's over. I'll be back later.

Woe is me

I am bored. I want to go home. I have to drive my boss to the airport. The shitty, FAR AWAY airport. Sunnuvabitchhole. FAAAWWKKK!!! At least it's Friday. I will try to remember that as my butt is falling asleep from sitting in traffic for two hours. I'm rushing to finish things so I can forward the phones and we can hit the road as soon as possible.

My dreaded doctor's appointment went well yesterday. All she saw was a common virus that causes slightly abnormal cells. Some people get it easily, some don't. It's supposed to go away on it's own. I just have to quit smoking and take vitamins. Quitting smoking shouldn't be too terribly hard since I barely smoke as it is. She also took a biopsy to make sure there is nothing else. I'm a little worried about that, but she'd said that everything looked fine so it should be okay. It's just a precaution.

I've exhausted all avenues in trying to find Caramel rat a home. I feel awful about the whole ordeal. I've tried the internet, friends, aquaintences, schools... No one wants her. So I'm going to have to resort to the pet store. I have a couple in mind that should slim her chances of being snake food. There are some nice people at these places that I'm sure will understand.

I just can't give her the attention she needs, especially since I'm getting this new bird. Between the two birds and the cat, my attention is stretched far enough. I try to say hi to her and pet her for a little while each day. I bring in her cage when Ron's not there and open up the top so she can run around...although she never comes out, she's so shy and easily stressed. She really needs a rat buddy. I can't get her one because two rats is even more of a smelly pain. This sucks...I CANNOT EVER get any more damn pets!! It's not fair to the animal! I should never have gotten these rats! Why do I feel so damn guilty?? It's because I would always think down on people who did what I am now DOING to innocent animals. Well THIS time I'm learning my lesson. Damnit.

Well I'd better get going. I have quite a bit to do before it's off to the land of the asphalt. I fucking HATE driving to the fucking AIRPORT!!! ARRUGHGGHHGGH!!!

Humpiness

Hurray for Wednesday! I'm happy it's hump day...and that's about the only thing I'm happy about. I'm very tired today. I really need to get back on track. Everything has been so screwed up this month...actually this summer... I feel like I'm always tired.

Yesterday I got some good news about the children's book project I did illustrations for. My partner called to tell me that the very first publisher she sent a manuscript to, six months ago, has decided to review it for publishing. She received the letter on Monday. Now, she's sent a manuscript to several publishers over the past six months since we finished it and this was the very first one. Pretty exciting! I never hold my breath when it comes to these things though. I'm just happy to get my stuff out there. We'll see where it goes...but so far so good!

Speaking of children's books, last night I finally made it over to Marguerite's parent's house (she's been living in France for the past three years (we've been good friends since highschool) and went over a children's book idea that her dad had. He and I had been discussing collaboration on a project for years. He writes for fun and has written three movies and two short stories over the past 10 years. A few months ago he had given me a copy of a children's book that was inspired by Marguerite when she was 5 or 6 years old. It's an adorable story that explains emotions to children using colors. So he'd asked me to develop a child character and I got around to it last week. We set up a get together to look at my drawings last night. He really liked them. We were able to decide how much of the story needed to be edited and make an outline of drawings that needed to be done. This is just the preliminary stuff though...and who knows how long this project will go on or if we'll even finish it. It's just a fun learning exercise anyway, which is cool. Plus, what's a get together of two artists without plenty of wine and pot? Hence my tiredness today...

Well I'm hoping to get my new bird THIS weekend... I've decided on a name for him...Toby. His cage is all set up in the living room and I've been brushing up on my parrot rearing skills by reading that parrot book I got last month. Yay. Can't wait 'til the weekend.

I miss Ron and I just wanna go home and cuddle with him because I'm feeling down again today. I'm worried about my doctor's appointment tomorrow. I hope it's not too expensive and I REALLY hope there's nothing terribly wrong with me! I just wanna go home after work, but I have to drive to my other doctor's to get my file. Ugh... Me and my mood. I know, the usual. Tonight I really need to stay sober and go to sleep early. I had a terrible time getting out of bed this morning and was almost late to work again. I should be in a better mood tomorrow...I'm going to try. But I just want to get through today and it's going so slow. I just wanna do what I gotta do so I can go to bed. I'm so lazy.

Analyze THIS

Fuck I think too much. I'm fucking insane! I was reading through my entries this past week and I'm exhausted by my own thoughts!! I simply must learn to relax! All of this overanalyzing and justifying is simply unnecessary. The stress will kill me, literally.

Pfft! RELAX?? What's that??! It's more like contentment. Someone who can say they're almost completely content with themselves/life is rich to me. That's what we're all striving for, right? Of course!! Happiness and contentment. Treasures that get buried deeper and deeper as the world progresses.

I'll just have to keep reading and writing until I make some progress. Hell, I already have! For now... Until I forget about it again tomorrow.

Great to hear from you!

I got a call from Kim last night...my friend who lives a few hours away from me. Kim is another animal lover like me, we met at one of my temp jobs about five years ago. She's the one who lost her beloved dog, Dakota. Poor, poor girl. She and I talk on the phone and email from time to time...not as much this summer because we've both been pretty busy. She has been especially busy because of her new horse training job. It's so wonderful that she's finally gotten that off the ground. That's been her dream. It was very nice hearing from her and we talked for a long while...caught each other up on everything. We may not see each other or talk as much as we'd like to, but when we do it counts. After our conversation, I felt very good. I didn't realize how much I miss her. We really need to plan a get together soon

Yesterday after work I went to the bird store to check out parrotlet cages. I went to the place I'm getting him from to get their perspective on what size cage I should start him out in. Then I was going to compare their prices/cages to those at a cage warehouse Ron had told me about.

I shouldda gone to the warehouse first and foremost. *sigh*

The first cage the guy showed me was fuckingrediculouslyhuge, as I thought it would be. Salesmen. Fuck. This thing was the size of a fucking TRAILER. The dimensions were something like 36" tall by 24" wide by 28" long. Mind you, this is for a FIVE INCH BIRD. Oh, but he's "very active" and "no cage is too big." DUDE...COME ON! I'm thinking..."no way no way no way NO WAY..." I calmly ask, "How much?" $280. Uh-huh. No way no way no way no waaaayyyyyy!!! That's $120 MORE than the bird I'm purchasing. I usually go by the rule that the cage should cost less than the bird. I know that sometimes it doesn't work out like that, but it does in MY budget. I asked what the next size down would be and it was only about 4 inches smaller all around and cost $20 less. I said I understood that the bird needs a good sized cage, but I still needed to go a BIT smaller (shiiit) which brought him to finally show me something that resembled normal dimensions for a tiny ass bird. Although I thought the last model was a tad ugly, it would do and I agreed to it. He said he'd bring one in white today, when I'd scheduled to see the bird again and inquire with the breeder (his wife, who wasn't there yesterday) on when the bird would be ready to come home...whether it be tomorrow or next week.

With that I left and went to the cage depot, as I choose to call it. HOLY SHIT! Walls and walls and WALLS of cages cages CAGES! All kinds of different models and sizes to choose from, all at great prices. Needless to say, I was there only ten minutes and I had already picked out and bought the perfect cage, complete with a stand. It was one I'd had in mind, sorta in the shape of a house with a little mock "roof" on top. Very cute, same size as Pickles' cage and will fit nicely into my livingroom...unlike that disproportionate pink elephant of a cage I was first shown at the other store. I don't care WHAT that guy says, this cage, at 18" x 18" x 24" is plenty big for a single tiny parrotlet. He'll just have to jump back...and forth. Shit! I'm gonna let him out for playtime almost daily. He can run around the outside of his cage, the separate playgym I have set up on top of Pickles' cage, my body... Give me a break! Anyway, I sorta made an ass outta myself though (what the fuck ELSE is new, I seem to be doing that A LOT lately) and called the guy back at the other store to tell him not to bring in the cage today, that I'd found one. Of course he asked how big it was, how much...I just fibbed a bit on the size, said it's about as big as the last one he showed me, which it WAS...gave him the low price I paid, which was the truth... He just said, "Ooh-kay", and then I thanked him and he hung up. I didn't really know how else to handle the situation. I mean, better to tell him that I found a cage and not make him waste his time bringing in a cage I wasn't going to get. Better to get it overwith yesterday instead of going into the store today and having to tell him. Although I should have thought about what I was going to say a little more before I called him. I sorta sat there hemmin' and hawin', the awkward situation that it was... "Hi, your cages suck, I bought one that will actually fit into my livingroom at a way more reasonable price somewhere else so you can just shove THAT sale right up your ass!" So when I go there today to see baby, NO mention of the cage. I won't say a word. Chances are he forgot anyway.

Okay, time to finish things so I can get out of here on time and get to the bird store so I'll have time to play with my little guy. Then I gotta get home to Ron and give him lots 'o lovins. He's had a particularly tough week, too. Maybe I'll be on later to add some more sensless babble to this thing.

Me and my emotions...letting GO

Yesterday was one of those days that was too much for me to tolerate emotionally. After everyone had left work for the day I sat alone at my desk and bawled my eyes out. It was just one of those days...I was feeling sorry for myself. Ron called in the middle of my sniffle session and I couldn't hold back the tears long enough to talk like nothing was wrong. I'm terrible at that. Espcially when I'm in the middle of it. He consoled me over the phone and told me to calm down and come home to relax and tell him all about it. So even though I wasn't done with what I'd intended to do, I got the hell outta the office and drove home. Through my pathetic tears I told him all about Dakota's death, my pap results, feeling like an ass at work (even though everything is fine and I DID get my raise after all) and my lonliness. He just listened, hugged and consoled me some more. We sat down with a couple of beers and talked calmly after my tears stopped. He made me feel so much better and I was finally able to relax. Then I wanted to be alone and he let me be while I went into my room to read. Then I put on my headphones and fell asleep to some tunes. Next thing I knew it was midnight and I had headphones on my neck and cord twisted around my shoulders. But my bottom half was covered with a blanket a la Ron. Sweetie pie.

I basically need to learn not to let people get to me so much. The same thing I ALWAYS basically need to learn. I'm still way too sensitive and worried about what people think of me. Sometimes I try too hard. Sometimes I let people make me feel like I owe them something. I'm too easily minipulated by my own out of whack sense of guilt. Sometimes I'm too genuine and give too much only to be easily taken advantage of. Sometimes I hold back when I shouldn't... What I should do is sit back and not give such a huge shit about it. No one is worth it until they've proved themselves to me. If they don't like me, fuck 'em! I have to STOP WASTING ENERGY ON THESE FUCKS WHO AREN'T WORTH IT!!!

I guess what got me thinking is the fact that I just stopped talking to my ex's best friend. And he made me feel very bad about myself. All we were doing was instant messaging here and there. Not very much at all, mostly while I was at work and needing some social interaction. But I realized that I really needed to completely cut all ties with him, as I am in a somewhat new and serious relationship now and he was a very very short rebound relationship after my ex. I don't need him in my life, why am I still talking to him? It's not right, to me, because there was sex involved and it's ALL OVER. It was over before it started. I always thought of him as a pervert because he was so obsessed with sex. Gross. I sent him the last instant message, telling him that I was sorry but I didn't think we should talk anymore. He was "hurt" and rude to me in return. He thought we were "friends". I don't believe in being friends with men I've had any sort of sexual or emotional relationship with. I know it's not always that black and white, but it's generally a good idea to cut ties with those people, ESPECIALLY when you are in another serious relationship. Unless you were friends for a long time before it got more "complicated", so to speak, I don't really see a reason to carry on. This fellow betrayed his best friend. I rebounded. That's it. It's over. There are plenty of other people out there who ARE worth my time. This was a situation that made me think of how I need to communicate my feelings better and be more confident. Don't let this guy make me feel bad. I don't owe him anything. I need to let it go, let go of the people that I don't feel are good for me. Don't lead them on, don't sugar coat it. It wasn't cool of me to still be friendly to someone who I didn't really want anything to do with anymore. Boredom again...I wanted to instant message with someone at work. Maybe get a little gossip about the ex. In the end I'm glad because I want NOTHING to do with any of that past. Those people should remain in the past. Time to completely let go.

OH just get OVER it, will you?!

This day sucks. I just found out that my pap results are abnormal for the third time this year. Now I have to go to the fucking gyno AGAIN and get another type of test. I hope my insurance covers it. I hope I don't have cancer or some other disease.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling lonely and sorry for myself lately. I'll snap out of it like I always do... Sometimes it's hard to be all alone at the office day in and day out. I like it because I don't have to deal with assholes, but then I miss people. There are still nice people out there and I want to meet them. But I'm bad at it. Well, there just haven't been very many opportunities to meet new people lately. I know I have a great boyfriend and a couple of very close friends that I've known all of my life...but I long to make more friends. Oh hell, get over it and get on with life...

*sigh*

Okay, so yea...just got back from a meeting with the boss. Seems my approach in asking for a raise was a bit out of character to him. Good thing he knows me well and is very understanding. Another lesson learned by me. Seems I'd psyched myself up for this asking for a raise so much, that I came off with a sort of an attitude that I should not have had. He said it just wasn't like me and he could TELL I was nervous. GAWD I'm lucky. I simply MUST count my lucky stars. Any other company would have kicked me out on my sorry ass by now. So then I got more of an evaluation and took note of a couple of things that I need to improve on...mainly my lateness. Typical, I figured... And I did get the raise I needed! HURRAAAYYY!!!! I am soooooooo damn lucky. Now...keep doing a good job and be consistent and GET MY ASS HERE ON TIME!!!

Now that that's all done I'm very sad about something else... My friend Kim's doggie died of kidney failure yesterday. I got an email from her this morning. I feel like I've lost one of my own pets. Dakota was such a sweetheart. I'm really gonna miss him. I feel so bad for Kim 'cause she was so attached to him. She adopted him as an older dog, so she only got to spend about five years with him. He was one of those animals that had a special spirit. He will be missed. A moment of silence for dear Dakota...

Work follies

Hoo. What a day. First thing that comes to mind is I'M SAH-Oooooh tired!!! Ugh. My boss was at another convention last week and we reaped the benefits of it this week. Oh yea...good 'ol reapin' consisted of 50 billion orders. I misjudged how long getting all the orders ready for shipping 'cause we usually have much less orders to deal with. We are a growing company so we've slowly been getting busier. But the beginning of the summer lagged. This week I've been enundated with orders. Summer is coming to a close and that means bunnis is gon' start pickin' up. It reeeeally started last Monday. You'd think I'd know how much time to give myself. Actually, I think it had to do with the fact that I was just plain BUSY with a million things. We've been picking up as the summer comes to a close. Looks like I'm really going to have to step it up. No more diary updating during the day. I'd much rather have it busy, however, because it couldn't be more true that it makes the day go faster!

Yesterday we had the company meeting...all four of us. This includes the 62 year old Philippino shipping warehouse lady (OH such a treat to work with *uhhsarcasm), the president who started the company ten years ago, the vice-presiden who is a friend the president met at a convention (he was hired for his outstanding marketing skills) and me, the secretary/office manager doer-of-all-pertinent-bullshit employee. There are certainly pluses and minuses in working for a small company. Short, infrequent meetings, cool...no benefits, BAD...being in charge of a lot, cool...being in charge of a lot, BAD...eh...I dunno. The meeting went well and I found out from both the bosses that I'm doing a great job. The subject of a raise for me did not come up during the course of the meeting with the four of us. After about an hour we dispersed again, the president got on the phone and I went downstairs away from her and asked the vice president (my boss) for a raise. I brought it up in my shy-awkward way...stumbling about to get the proper words out of my mouth. *sigh* I still lack so much confidence it's rediculous. I'm never gonna get anywhere in life and I'm always going to be borderline poor if I don't get some more fucking confidence in the workplace! AH! But that's another benefit of a small company! It's not so formal so I can be my assinine self! But I should move past that now and work on being more of a professional. I AM for the most part...but I need to work on. There's ALWAYS room for improooooovement! BAH!! Yea, but I managed to get the message across and with a knowing, friendly smirk my boss said he'd talk to the president and, "see what he could do." Nifty. Rah. Shish-boom-bodily. I done did it. So I'm hoping and praying they can come through with something because I really really really really really really really really really really really could use one. I can't stress that enough.

Oh to be blessed with such artistic talent and to be struggling in a lame secretarial job. Fuck. Ah, but it's no one's fault but my own!

Just screwin' around

HAHAHAHAHA!! Wait! Wait! ONE more entry! I'm sitting here fooling around and had uploaded some pics off my camera. I'd forgotten about these, as they were taken around Christmas.

Me drunk

Me drunk...um...closer

Stanley drunk...well, he was coming off of the sedatives from when he had a major teeth cleaning. He was laying on the floor just like this for HOURS! Hehehehe!

One of my tattoos (I have three) that I drew.

Okay, that's it. I must go now. Really.

Lover

One more thing... This is how much of a lover Pickles is...When he's not hanging out on my shoulder or in my shirt, he's right on my chest waiting for kisses. Birds are weird, a pain in the ass sometimes...but so very worth it. When it comes to pet devotion, there is nothing like a birds love...except, of course, a CHILD's love. Oooh, oooh, that's gonna be fun... I'm sure, I have NO IDEA.

New Baby!

WWWOOOOOHHH!!!! I'm getting my new baby next week!!! I went to the parrot store and picked out my little baby boy parrotlet today. I put down my deposit and they said he should be ready to come home next week! ALRIIIIIGHT!!!! I'm pretty damn excited! I'm gonna go pick out a new cage this week. Ron showed me this great discount pet supplies place so I'll be checking that out for sure.

EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

AWWWWW!!! So cute and little with the cutest chirp!

Pretty soon I'll post a picture of my actual bird. This is just the one I found on the internet. But he looks just like it. I'm happy because Pickles won't have to be alone anymore. He grew all his feathers back from the latest plucking episode but has done it again. Only on one side of his body this time. Yep, once they start... He's been doing it for two years and is normal in every other way. Oh well, he's a happy bird. I give him plenty of attention and I'm not gonna worry about it anymore. Just glad he'll have a friend. This time I'm keeping the new bird! No more new pets for me. I'm still looking for a home for Caramel. I've extended my search to online as well...rat forums and such.

Tonight consists of relaxing with Ron. Hanging around the house, watching movies, playing video games. We ran a few errands earlier today. We also went to the music store and I got myself a new CD and a DVD. I spoiled myself a bit today. I haven't gotten any entertainment in ages. I'm enjoying my new CD, "The Killers" at the moment. I really hated the first song that they put out about a year ago and didn't think I'd ever like them. But the radio kept playing more and more of their songs and I found that I really like them. I usually don't listen to the radio much, but I've been doing so a bit more lately. I think I'm at the age now that I don't really like newer music. I'm picky...

That's about it. I'm gonna go watch another movie with

Stressed

What a week I've had. Just plain exhausting... Both at work and at home. I'm extremely happy that it's Friday and I have nothing planned for this weekend. I need to use this weekend to get the little things done, cleaning, running errands and then just plain relaxing. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.

Last weekend was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed the beach on Saturday and introducing Ron to my extended family at the beer bust on Sunday. It was a little disappointing that there weren't as many people there as there usually are, but it was still a lot of fun. Ron was quite impressive...my mom nearly shit her pants when he gave her the little bell from Alaska. She kept repeating..."I can't believe how THOUGHTFUL he is!!" He was his usual funny self, too. I loved it.

I had to pet sit this week for an old boss. I worked for her and her husband about five years ago. They were a really nice older couple who ran a small company that sold asphalt maintenance equipment. Man...the weird ass businesses I've worked for... Anyway, her husband passed away about two years ago. We've kept in touch on and off and I mentioned I do pet sitting. She'd always bring her dog into the office during the day, a nervous, but sweet minature german shepherd girl named Andi. She was the type of dog that didn't take easily to strangers but trusted me pretty much right away. Hence, I was asked to pet sit as soon as she needed someone. It was just for a few days this week, Sunday through Wednesday...

Well, it went fine except for the diarreah accidents on the living room rug that happened sometime in the middle of the night on Monday and Tuesday nights... I had attributed these incidents to "missing mommy" syndrome...her widdle tummy being upset 'cause mommy's gone...but it turns out that I had fed her a bit more than she was used to. I was only supposed to give her about an eighth of a HUH-ooooj can of wet dog food mixed with her 1/2 cup dry, as opposed to the third of a can I'd given her each day. That mixed with the fact mommy was gone made her explode. I was okay with the first accident, but waking up to the second one sent me off. It's a long story that I don't feel like writing about...but this week involved depression, an anxiety attack and a horrible headache set off by me stressing myself out for no reason. Well, it wasn't really for NO reason...it's just that I'd had it. Too much has been going on for me to handle lately. Especially since I've been in a "mood" this week, not really wanting to do anything. I ended up staying home from work and sleeping all day on Wednesday. That helped some.

I don't really like having to live in two places. Although I got paid quite well for the few days I spent(she was so sweet and felt so bad about me having to wake up to shit on the rug), I'm not sure if it's worth it. I always have to make sure to go home and take care of my pets as well and after a day or two, this becomes a huge drag. Especially when it's been a very busy couple of weeks. I don't take stress well at all. Not to mention not getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation + stress = huge anxiety attack. I had the attack on Wednesday morning when backing out of the lady's driveway. I had a splitting headache and obviously couldn't drive straight. I went of the curb and the next thing I know I hear scraping on the street. I pull over at the nearest street, get out and look under my car from the BACK and see what looks like a "pipe" falling out of the bottom of my car. I panic, get back into the car and dial Ron. He groggily says he'll be there shortly and calm down, asks me what street I'm on... I just sit in the car all headachy, stressed out and depressed, waiting waiting waiting. I call work and tell 'em what's going on, not sure what time I'll be in... Then I see Ron sail by behind me. I try his cell and he doesn't answer. I get out and run back to the house and he's not there. I panic and panic and start crying...walking back and forth from the house to my car. Finally, after calling him a couple more times, I get into my "broken" car and move it, scraping all the way, back to the house. Ron pulls up a couple of minutes later. He'd gone to four gas stations asking them where "Rose Glen" was and no one knew. I didn't tell him it was actually "Rock Glen". Then he looks at my car and starts laughing hysterically...it was the fucking air spoiler that had partially fallen off. A little non-critical piece of fucking PLASTIC. I was mortified and apologized through tears... He was very understanding and sweet, pulled off the part and said we'd attach it this weekend. We just need to get some gaskets. He told me once again, like so many others have, that I need to calm down and think things through before I start to panic. Me and my snowballing... I hate it...

So after two weeks of being busy busy busy and partying partying partying...I am fucking exhausted. No more. Oh yea, and Devons fairwell was fun. The four of us went to a nice dinner. I couldn't afford it, but oh well. It sucks he had to go. He'll be gone for another year. Hopefully he'll email more this time. That's it for now. Shit, I guess I DID feel like writing about it! Hehe, therapy. Well, work beckons. *sigh* Another stress...boss is back and things are all crazy here. Got a million things to do. Bye bye for now...

My vacation

Finally, I have time to add an entry. What a week! It was a fantastic week though! Simply wonderful! I guess I'll start from the beginning...

Ron's homecoming...ahhhhhhhhh...it was so fucking great! Missing him so much just made the homecoming all the more sweet. He got home at about 11:00 a.m. on Saturday and I was still in bed. I'd had a horrible, horrible dream that morning. It was the first time in my life I'd even had a dream bad enough to make me wake up just bawling. I've had bad dreams and been sad upon waking, or crying in my dream, but never ever like this. I don't remember it anymore, I tried my very best not to think about it. The feeling that it left in my gut was enough. All I remember is that my left knee had something very wrong with it in the dream and I was hobbling around. I was so relieved when I woke up, too. Ohhughg...I've never felt such relief that it was JUST a dream... I sat there crying and crying. Then I got up and walked around the house...it was about 5:45 a.m. I was just limping and crying, not fully awake. It was terrible. I saw Ron's cap sitting on the table and I picked it up and went back to bed, clutching it and crying. I finally fell back to sleep after about an hour.

Okay, so back to the homecoming... I was gently awakened by a hand lightly rubbing my bare leg. As soon as I opened my eyes, he was standing over me all clean from a shower. He smelled delicious. I let out an "Oh poopie..." in a sleepy voice and he climbed in bed and gave me a huge, loving hug. Then we kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed... Then I stripped off my pjs and we made hungry love. Aaahhh...making love after not seeing each other for so long...just fucking beautiful. Afterwards, we got up and went into the living room and he started telling me all about his trip. He came home with treasures, too. He gave me a cute little shot glass, a squeezie bear keychain (ya squeeze it and poo comes outta the end and goes back in), a deck of cards with the Northern Lights on them, a t-shirt with an Alaskan local bar on it and best of all, a beautiful pair of jade (the precious stone of Alaska) turtle earrings. They're simply adorable. He also brought home other goodies...smoked salmon, king salmon filets... Haven't had the filets yet, but we dug into the smoked salmon. We ate a whole, huge filet. It was mudda-fuckin' deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious!!!!! Unfortunately, it must have been a little bad, because within a few hours I was literally peein' out my ass. Mmmmm, yea...gettin' a little graphic here. I did that all night. Ron started getting the poopies Sunday morning. But having the poopies wasn't so bad 'cause we were just home relaxing and watching movies. It was too HOT to do anything else. Sunday was more of the same, pooping and relaxing. We each threw up on Sunday morning, too. Isn't that niiiiiice? I'm not going to be able to indulge in the smoked salmon for a while. Every time I think of it, my stomach turns a little.

Sunday night was the Robert plant concert. It was a lot of fun, but not as fun (or good) as the Judas Priest show. Let me put it this way, Led Zepplin is now officially Dead Zepplin. The thing that we didn't like the most about it was the fact that almost none of the songs sounded like the originals. I didn't even recognize "Black Dog" or "Good Times, Bad times", two of my favorite songs. This particular tour of theirs was called "Mighty Re-arranger. Yea, re-arranged songs...um, no. Good 'ol Robert-don't-call-me-Bob-Plant (Ron's name for him) is now an 'ol man. He even danced like one, swaying back and forth like a dork. Ron expected them to launce into a fuckin' ho-down!! But it was still a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Monday, after some last minute preparations, Melanie, Devon, Rich and I left for the Kern River up north. We left about 4:00, the stoner laggers we are, but didn't hit too terribly much traffic and were outta the grisly city before we knew it. The trip was a fucking BLAST from the minute Melanie backed outta my driveway. Although, Melanie doesn't like to use her air-conditioner, so the drive was kinda hot. We didn't up to the site until about 8:30. Parked the truck in the alotted spots a little way away from the road and hiked down to the river. It was short hike, but we had to climb down a bunch of rocks. I found out in no time that my flip-flops were not going to cut it for the terrain. I had to climb on all fours every time we encountered rocks (a LOT) and I have lil' boo-boos on my feet from them. They sucked. I must get the correct sandals for next time. We got down to the site, and Melanie and I started putting the tent together while the boys went up and got the rest of the stuff. Okay, the TENT. Hehehehehehehehe! I can't even think of the tent without chuckling. Melanie's mom let her borrow a tent for our trip. She said it was a four-person tent, easily. She obviously sent us the wrong tent. Definately the wrong tent. When we took that sucker outta the bag and laid it out, it looked more like a fucking 20 person fortress. It looks complicated, shall we get the directions? Surprise! There ARE none! Woowoo! SOOoooh...Commence blindly assembling a fucking HUGE ASS tent, ten thousand pipes and all...that's when we found it it was gon' be a tad bit more complicated than we thought. The pipes were all different lengths, we didn't know how to put them in the ground, we tried again and again, it collapsed a few times...thus, there we were standing there just totally bewildered by the time the boys got done. So we got Rich involoved. The minute he saw it he was like, "OH shiiittt, heeeeere we fuckin' go!" Now, Rich is a really motivated guy. He likes to accomplish shit. We worked on that fucker for another 45 minutes. But we did it! We got it to stand!!! We were so pround of our finished product. Pretty fucking awesome. Check it out:

Yea, it collapsed on Tuesday, but never once while were were in it and ONLY once. So we were proud of our shelter. We made absolute sure to send Melanie's mom the pictures and give her a good belly laugh. Monday night was the first lovely camp fire. We got buzzed on our vodka and fruit punch and just chilled. Of course we had s'mores. Couldn't WAIT for that shit to happen!! Tuesday was spent doing a little hiking, looking for the perfect spot to play and hang out at the river's edge. We found it only about a five minute rock hike from our campsite. That first dip in the river is indescribable. Something between an orgasm and eating chocolate. OH! OH!!!! AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh..... We spent the whole afternoon basking on the rocks and dippin' in the river. Then we went back to the campsite and sat in the little pool at our little private beach. The fucking definition of relaxation right here, man...

Some more AAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Perfect way to spend the day. Oh yes, and when we arrived back at camp, we were greeted by the sight of our collapsed Chatau ou' Meljulrich...

After putting it back up and securing it a little better (at least the front) with some boulders, we started making the campfire. This was to be the event campfire. The bomb campfire. Theeee shit. We got 'er going and made a dinner we'd been starving for... Chicken breast and pork filets with garlic, salt, pepper, butter and sliced plums sliced on top, baby potatoes and sweet corn onna cob. MMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, so fucking GOOOOOOOOOD!! We wrapped the food in foil with butter, etc and roasted it over the fire in these cool litte cages...ya put the food in the middle, lock it in and cook. The food turned out deeeeee-ah-leeeeee-fuckin'-licious, for lack of a better description. After our gorging session came the s'mores. More sensational mouth bliss. And by this time we were good and buzzed. I loved the moments of silence, just listening to the river rushing and the rythmic singing of the crickets. And the STARS the beautiful, gorgeous, dazzling and ultra-magnificent fucking STARS! GAWD I love camping. It had been too long. I'm so glad we went to the river instead of the Joshua Tree though. We surely would have died a painful death due to the intense desert heat. No shit, eh? It hot enough at the river, which made having a body of cool water nearby very convenient and very perfect. It also came in handy when the s'more-fest got outta hand. By the time I was done, I was covered in marshmallow.

The ending to our perfectly relaxing day came when we literally dragged ourselves to our tents. I was out in about 30 seconds. Unfortunately, we had to leave too early on Wednesday, Rich had to go into work that evening. So it was up and at 'em for another quick dip in the river before we had to start cleaning up and hit the road. I was feeling quite low while packing, it was too soon to leave. I needed at least one more full day of river. On the drive home we stopped at a diner in Kern county and had a delicious breakfast. Then it was the hot drive home. When we got home, Melanie dropped me off at my house and I put my stuff indoors, checked the zoo and went back to her house for a dip in the pool with her and Devon. They got out after a few minutes and I stayed in to swim like a fish. I love swimming so much. I usually swim around like a seal underwater for a while before I start getting into swim team lap mode. Every time I get into a pool I have to do at least one or two laps of each stroke (six years of swim-team in highschool and jr. college drilled this into my brain). So I don' did a little free-style, little breast-stroke, little butterfly (my stroke in highschool woowoo go me) and a little back-stroke. After a some more seal behavior, I had to get out because I felt my eyeballs being slowly disintegrated by the chlorine in the water.

After my swim it was a quick bowl with Melanie and Devon and then I went home to shower (another orgasmic experience, that and getting my filthy ass into the pool) and lay my exhausted, burnt ass on the couch. Ron got home from work and we just chilled before I had to go to bed to get up for work on Thursday.

I simply have to go camping more often. I can't even fully express how much I adore it. This vacation was glorious. Going back to work was horrid. But I'll get into that more in my next entry. It's a good thing I went back Thursday and Friday though, the place would have been a mess. Plus it was nice to get in a couple of days and then have the weekend to look forward to.

This weekend has been great so far. The beach today and tomorrow is our annual family beer bust at my aunts house. Get to show off Ron to more of my extended family. With that I'm going to post. This is, I think, my longest entry yet. I had to get up a few times so my ass wouldn't fall asleep. Later!

Quickie

I have plenty to update about, but no time at the moment. Busy as fuck at work. It was a great vacation though...way too short as usual. The boss is in town so I haven't had much time to do anything else. I'll try to update when I get home tonight and am considerably more relaxed. Later!

The band played on

Just a quick entry before I have to leave work and go home to my hothouse. I'm very happy that it's Friday and the start of a long weekend for me. I made sure to get everything done so I can relax for the weekend. It was quite a busy day for me. It even included stressing out over the phone bill and CRYING to the SBC account manager I have been talking to every fucking month...trying and TRYING to resolve all of these billing issues. I refuse to talk to any more people in any more fucking departments. I cannot BELEIVE the incompetence, it just FLOORS me that they can't fix it after six fucking months!!!! It's driving me insane. I finally broke down because I simply cannot justify paying an $880.00 phone bill when our bills were always between $250 and $400 per month. Each month things have gotten more and more screwed up because some fuckhead in some department did something wrong. I especially want to resolve this bullshit because the owner of the company will be staying here from the 29th of July to the 18th of August! She's a nice lady yadda yadda but her type A personality really gets on my nerves after a (little) while. She's a rich workaholic. We are entirely different people. So yea... Vacation time for me. And soon after I get back, I'm sitting both my bosses and the shipping lady down for a company meeting. We need to communicate a little more than we have been. And I am getting my raise! Hmph!

Yesterday I got to leave work early to go to a doctor's appointment. I wanted to go to an M.D. and see if I could get some help with my costly prescriptions. She helped me out quite a bit. Plus I finally only had to pay a co-pay, instead of full out of pocket like I always have been. Fuck, I don't think I've ever had a decent insurance plan. I also got my third PAP smear of the year. My other two came out with a few abnormal cells. Nothing serious, says gyno, just keep coming back for these goddamned expensive-ass tests. The fact that I had to drive all the way to shits-ville downtown L.A. (the closest gyno my other shitty discount plan could find for me) didn't help at all. I just hope there's nothing too wrong with me. I'll find out in a couple of weeks. I'm going to try not to worry too much. *gulp* I'm tired of all these doctors appointments.

Last night was fun. HOT, but fun. I picked up Devon from Melanie's on my way home from my appointment. He's staying at Melanie's until he leaves to go back to China on the 28th. Since Melanie wasn't home from work yet, we got to spend some time talking. It was fun filling him in on all the ex bullshit and things that Melanie had already heard. It was also quite interesting hearing about his China adventures. Quite interesting INDEED. Then we went to my house and met up with Melanie and Rich. Devon was fascinted by Rosie spider. He actually held her! Everyone is petrified of her, even Ron. Devon has been thinking about getting one because they're so intriguing and cool looking. It helps that they're so low maintenance, too. For dinner we ordered pizza and breadsticks. I totally pigged out. I think it's partly because I waited too long to order and it took a while to arrive. Everyone was starving. I'm a great hostess! Devon and I went out later and got a cherry pie. Ooooh I was bad...of course we were all high so I had twice as much food as I normally would. PIGGY. But it was fun, what the hell! We spent much of the evening out on my cute porch, surrounded by the cool candle torches Melanie gave me for my birthday. Now there's a lovely coat of wax on parts of my plants. Oh, and my porch. It's probably all melted again. Once everyone left, around 10:30 or so, I had another peice of cherry pie (oink) and donned my wet clothes for bed. This time I just put on my shorts and tank top and jumped in the shower to give myself a nice blast of cold water...WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo-eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh... And then, yes, the fffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn........

I'm very excited, only one more sleep 'til I gedda seen Ronnie poopie poopie poop! Okay, I'll stop calling him that...really. Um yea, and I get to sleep in! I don't know how fun that will be in this oppressive heat, but I'll make the best of it. If I have to I'll just wet myself again. No, in the shower... Hehehe...wet myself... I think tomorrow will be spent vegging around (and having lots of sex) with Ron. Can't wait! He said he should be at my house by noon. That's about when I'll want to drag myself out of bed. Maybe Sunday we'll hit the beach before we go to the Robert Plant show. It's a local show, which is great, and it's not until the evening. I hated having to drive all that way to the Priest concert, that sucked. Especially on the way home when we were tired and drunk.

Wow, so much for the "quick entry". I just don't want to go hooooome. It's gonna be so hooooot. I HATE THIS WEATHER! MAKE IT STOP!!! Seriously, should I go pick up a kiddie pool? Have it in the middle of the living room? Hehe, maybe. Maybe I'll go swimming at Melanie's tonight. I'll most likely end up going there to hang with them anyway, seeing as I won't see them Saturday or Sunday. But we will be spending time together camping. We decided to go to the mountains instead, I think I may have mentioned that in my last entry. The desert = complete HELL this time of year. No shit, eh?

Okay, it's time to go. I guess I'll stop off and eat something in air conditioning, somewhere... Not sure where. Maybe get a sandwhich. I don't know. I hope Pickles still has all his feathers when I get home!