The Haps

Ah, reporting to the diary after an eventful few days. Well, not all THAT eventful, given the fact that it's so fucking hot again. No, I won't start another complaining about the heat rant. I promise.

First off that Toby bird is a piggy! He eats three times as much as Pickles! It's because he's such an energetic little fellow, constantly hopping from toy to toy and peeping gleefully the whole time. Little turbo Toby! And I was worried he wouldn't eat enough or adjust well. So far he's doing great and he's cute as a button. I love that saying...cute as a button. It's cute as a button. 'Kay, yea... I'm very happy with Toby...he's curious and playful and adjusting very well so far to his new surroundings and me. He just needs to settle into the routine now. He's still pretty apprehensive about me reaching into his cage to take him out but eventually he'll calm down and get into the routine as Pickles has. I'll have to try to get a picture of him, he's so pretty. I didn't realize how many colors of green and blue he had. And he's just going to get more and more gorgeous as he molts because he's got great eating habits. He's going to help me improve Pickles' eating habits, I'm sure. They did a great job with him and I'm very glad I decided to buy a bird from this particular store. They really know their shit!

Okay, on to my weekend. Friday night Ron came with me to drop Caramel off at her new home. Bless his heart, this place was in timbuck-fucking-toooo. It would have taken us only an hour to get there, but Ron pulled the typical guy-that-thinks-he-knows-where-he's-going-don't-ask-for-directions-my-mind-is-a-map thing. Ended up taking an hour and forty-five gas guzzling minutes ONE way. We got home much faster at least and I was very happy to have the company on the drive. Although the drive was the pain in the ass, I couldn't have been happier to see Caramel's new real esatate. And what a sweet couple! They were exactly our age and we had a lovely time chatting and joking with them while we watched the rats to see how they all got along. The cage this girl had for her two rats was a ferret cage, so it was HUGE. It had all kinds of toys...ropes, ladders, tubes, balls, platforms and hideaways...a rat theme park in a cage! She told me how she lets them out every day, feeds them fresh veggies and treats every day...just wonderful! These were her only pets so she doted on them, of course. The three rats got along famously. It wasn't long (after sniffing every orifice on Caramel) before they were playing and chasing each other all around the giant cage. I was so happy and relieved when I left. The girl is going to keep me updated on her progress, too. So far I've gotten an email from her telling me how great they all get along and that she'll send me a picture of the three of them cuddling. AAWWWWWWwwww!!!! What a happy ending. Whew!

On to Saturday, another blazing day. Ron and I decided to head to the beach for a bike ride. It was great fun until we were on our way back to the car. We had decided to park the car up on the streets, near a cool car show that was going on. So we parked, checked out the cars for while (Ron drooled over them) and then rode down to the bike trail by the sand. We about 15 miles north of the beach we parked at, to a strip of bars and restaurants along the docks of another beach. Once we got there we proceded to drink yummy beers at this bar Ron used to go to with his surfer buddies. Ron has exquisite taste in imported beer and before long I was kinda sorta shitfaced. I just had to try that one...aaaand this one...and, um...that one and this one. We made sure to sit around and sober up some before we made the ride back...by which time it was beginning to get dark. On the way back things got scary because I lost Ron. He got way ahead of me, as he always does and I kept expecting him to come back to get me...as he always does. So when I didn't see him for a long while I started to panic. Naturally. I decided to start asking people if they had cell phones I could use. Ron had his, but I didn't have mine...my first mistake. Before long I found a woman with a cell phone and she let me use it, although begrudgingly it seemed. I was obviously worried and upset, tears streaming down my face. She didn't seem to care...she had an attitude like, "would you hurry up, you stupid bitch..." So I tried his phone and he wasn't answering. I gave her the phone back and thanked her. She took it and gave me a weird look, something between a half smirk and a frown and walked off without a word. I thought...strange...m'kay, fuck you too bitch. Then I hurried on my way, panicking and crying the whole way. I reached the bottom of the street we'd parked on in no time, it seemed, because I was pedaling like a mutherfucker. Still crying and looking all around, not knowing what to do... I heard a woman call out to me. There was a nice couple in a van...ahhhh....I told them the whole scenario and they offered to let me use their cell phone. He still didn't answer and they offerend to take me and my bike back to the car to see if he was there. There ARE nice people in this world! So they took me to the car and in the meantime Ron called their cell...THANK GOD! He was on his way to the car...

It turns out that Ron had stopped to pee along the trail and I just merrily sailed right past him. It must have been in a spot where there were a lot of people and I didn't see him at all. He waited and waited for me to show up and then ended up back tracking to try to find me. He noticed a missed call on his cell and quickly called the number back. This was the woman who's phone I'd used first. I don't know what that woman's problem was, but she was extremely rude to Ron. He told me how she started actually YELLING at him, "Why aren't you with your girlfriend?! You should keep track of your girlfriend, she's with the police now!" Then she hung up on him. I was apalled when I heard that! How dare her assume such things! Ron was so angry that he called her back and said, "I'm sorry, we got off on the wrong foot..." And she says, "Yea, whatever..." To which he replies, "FUUUUCK YOOOOUUUUU!!!!" *click* By this time he had really started panicking, too, and was riding like a maniac through the stupid people who just INSISTED on walking on the bike trail. In trying to avoid hitting a couple, Ron ended up flying off the trail and crashing in the sand. He cut his wrist pretty badly. By the time he got to me, he was all dishevelled and upset. He was actually crying! Poor, poor guy... I felt so bad! I started crying and apologizing all over him. He started crying and apologizing all over me. It was like a fucking corny ass movie! "I'm so sorry!" "NO, I'M sorry!" "No, no no! I'm sorry! I thought I'd lost you!!" Eeesh. To lighten the mood I told him that while I'd been waiting for him by the car, I had to pee so bad that I'd just pulled down my shorts, sat on the edge of the curb and whizzed in the street. That picture, along with the still apparent puddle running under the car, set us both off laughing like dorks. Then we got the fuck outta there. We both blamed ourselves for the incident and promised NEVER to lose track of each other like that again. Little scary lesson there. We were so lucky nothing happened.

So that was Saturday...whew. Sunday we spent lounging, drinking homemade margaritas and watching movies all day. Then we got some crazy chicken and ate like pigs. Mmmmmmm...I was blowing the covers off the bed with my lovely, loud farts all night. DAMN those pinto beans!

I finally finally FINALLY went grocery shopping yesterday. I can't believe how long I put it off this time. Then I came home and cleaned up the mountain of weekend dishes. We weren't even home that much and we managed to dirty a shitload of dishes. But I finally have some energy again, even though it's hot out. I'm in the mood to get my exercise routine back on track. So tonight I'm staying at the office to do a small workout. Hopefully it'll be cool enough on Thursday for me to go for a short jog. I can't go too long without exercise or I feel like shit. It's almost time, I'd better wrap up...

Kinks are smoothin'

OH boy oh boy oh boyyy!!! Lil' Toby beerrdie beeerd is hoooome! Yaaayy!! I picked his tiny ass up after work yesterday. What a little pistol he is! He kept looking at me, cocking his little head to the side and eyeing me on and off all the way home. All the while he chirped to the radio with his cute little teeny chirp. Once I got him home, I took him over in his little carrying cage and showed him to Pickles, who chirped his approval...well, he made all sorts of noises at Toby...it was adorable. Then I took him out of the carrier to hold him a bit before I put him in his cage. He did NOT like that...he was nipping and nipping and that soon turned to BITING...OUCH! Actually, it wasn't too bad, he wasn't drawing blood like Apples the parakeet used to do. He was just scared to death, being in an entirely new place and all. So I finally took the hint and put him in his cage to settle in. I just have to work with him little by little and he's sure to come around once he's more comfortable with his new surroundings. Yesterday was a lot for him to take.

The lady at the store was great, too. She sent me off with all sorts of free stuff...three new toys, tons of good food and a new little carrying cage. So Toby is set. Although, I have to bring him in Saturday or Sunday for a weigh in, just to make sure he's not losing too much weight from being stressed and not eating enough. I hope he eats some of the millet spray I put in his cage this morning before I left. I like to call millet bird pot. The little tight groupings of seeds are all lined up on a big stem, just like pot buds... Hehe...and birds got nuts for it. They LOVE it.

Oh yea, and a funny thing happened when I was picking Toby up. A guy came in at the same time I did to pick up his little parrotlet. His was from the same clutch as mine. He brought in the cage he bought for the bird to bring him home in. The cage happened to be the EXACT same one I had gotten for Toby...'cept it was black and mine is white. The bird store lady saw it and RIGHT away said,"Oh, that's the perfect size for one parrotlet, that's PLENTY big!" HAHA! I so wanted to tell her about the pink elephant her husband tried to sell me! All I said was, "COOL! I have the same one!" Isn't that awesome?! I know...I get excited over the lamest things.

Very good news on the Caramel front! Wednesday, Ron and I had gone to the local Pe*co to see if they would take her. As it turned out, they had too many rats up for adoption already and couldn't take in another one. So we left and on the way home Ron told me that he wanted to keep Caramel and would take on most of the responsibility for her. What a sweetheart. Here he is, allergic to her, and he wanted to keep her. He said he'd go out and buy her one of those hamster balls to run around in and some more cage accessories. AWWW.... I thought this would be fine, at least until I found someone to adopt her. Well, yesterday I got an email from a woman who wants her! She's got two other female rats that are around Caramel's age and a huge cage to put them all in! I was so relieved and I let her know in my email with WAY too many enthusiastic THANK YOOOUUUs!!!!...I'm sure... So Caramel has a home to go to, one that is much better than what Ron and I would have been able to provide for her. The only catch is that the lady lives kinda far from me, about an hour or so. I'm just going to leave tonight when the traffic dies down I guess. I want to get her out of that lonely cage and into her new, lovely home as soon as possible.

I have SO learned my lesson from this fiasco. I will NOT get any more pets. Everyone keeps telling me, "Pfft, oh yea...FAMOUS last words!" This time I mean it though. I feel awful for running out and getting all these animals without thinking of how it'll be in the long run. That's so immature of me. I have to be a responsible adult now and take good care of the pets that I already have. It's going to stay at Stanley cat, Pickles bird, Toby bird, Rosie tarantula and fishies. That is enough. The next time I get an urge I will definately think of all that I went through this year. However, I AM proud of myself, as I should be. I DID manage to find homes for my unwanted pets. It all turned out for the best.

Last night turned out to be a blast. Ron and I went out for sushie. It was a special treat, as we can't afford to do it often. We went for the "All you can eat" special and it was wonderful. We stuffed ourselves to duh gills! Yes, oh so appropriate a saying when it comes to sushie, doncha 'tink? I actually think it's better when you don't get to do it so often, makes it all the more appreciated. Afterwards we went over to Melanie's house to hang 'cause I hadn't seen her in a while. A couple of Melanie's guy friends were there, too. We all had a great time being silly and laughing. Ron fits in so well with my friends, it's wonderful... I can't express how absolutely fabulous it is to have a boyfriend that I don't have to worry about embarrassing me. I didn't realize how important this was to a relationship. I'd always separated my friends and boyfriend when I was dating dickhead. Although I don't have too many friends, it's still important to me that I be comfortable having them around my boyfriend.

Well that's it for now. I can't wait 'til this day is over. I'm so glad it's Friday. It's hot as fuck out again. Oh well. I'll be sure to drink plenty of beer.

Nads

Okay, WHO IN THE HELL thought it would be cool to have fake NADS hanging from the back of their truck/SUV???!! WHO??!! What in the FUCK is THAT??

When I first came upon this atrocity, the said nads were in a black "sac" of sorts dangling from the trailer hitch of a very stupid looking truck which was an obvious "penis extension" to its lame driver. You know the kind of truck, accessorized to the tee and complete with the elevation reserved for a fucking RIG. One knew these particular dangling objects were meant to represent nads due to their authentic "one-hanging-just-a-smidge-lower-than-the-other" disposition.

I had hoped this phenomenon would not catch on, as it is completely lame, absurd, atrocious, disgusting and all of a string of many more unflattering descriptive words that I would be able to tack onto this sentence. To my ultimate dismay it seems to be in its infancy of doing just that...catching on, becoming somewhat of a trend. In the past six months since my first sighting, have been SIX more...and they're not all black anymore. Some have been just silver balls and others...others have actually been PINK. The most disturbing sighting thus far was yesterday's. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw pink ones hanging from what I like to refer to as "a pregnant rollerskate". I think it was a Geo or an Aspire or some other cheap, gas efficient pile. WHY???? I thought these obnoxious things were reserved only for those with the "balls" to drive huge, gas guzzling monsters! HUH??!

Of course this is just my opinion, but what is UP with these?? I simply HATE utterly retarded trends like these. This fits right in with those fucking "Calvin pissing" stickers. 'Member those? AARRGGHGHGHG!!!! OH and don't forget the dorks driving the huge SUVs with the "Family" stick figure stickers on the back window. "Look! This is how many fuckheaded lametards (like me) I'VE added to the overpopulated world thus far!" Yea, I know...me and my harsh opinions. People will do what they want and I have no control over it.

Sorry...I just can't help it. My inner cynic takes control, especially in the cyber pages of this diary where it is free to roam. It's much better to let it out here than let it get me killed in the real world. I should learn to control it and not let these miniscule things get to me so much. Ron tells me that often. I find myself telling HIM that, too. Just go on with life, do whatcher gonna do and don't worry so much about all the stupid, harmless things that other people do. Yea, in writing this I see just what a knitpicking BITCH I am. Oh well...just another thing to work on I guess. But I STILL HATE those fucking NADS!!! Hehehehehe!!!

Cat's Ass

Ya know, if I didn't have pets I'd be fucking rich. I knew yesterday's vet visit would be expensive, I just KNEW it. Too bad I love that fucking cat so much. Shithead. Why does he have to be so CUTE? WHY? Animals...ugh... Just WAIT 'til I have kids! Man oh man... The things that bring joy to my life are/will be worth their expense.

I'm glad I took him to another vet...it was a good idea to get another opinion/treatment option. 'Cept it's costing me so damn much to even find out what exactly is WRONG. But we're getting closer. I got another perspective from a vet who treats cats and ONLY cats. He knows what he's doing and he's seen Stanley's affliction several times. He told me that Stan's case isn't as bad as others he's seen and treated, which made me feel a little better. He told me not to bother brushing his teeth, which was another relief. It just irritates his tender gums all the more. He also gave me a different kind of medicine to ease the inflamation and pain for the time being, until we find out what's going on and can decide what the ultimate treatment will be. Oh yea, and he took a urine specimen. Poor, poor Stan. He had NO idea he could be forced to pee, I'm SURE. He actually gave me the "treatment" for a little while when we got home. That's rare for him. He was pissed...literally! I'm glad I brought him in though. I feel like we've made progress. I just hope we get to the bottom of this damn problem.

I got a call from the vaggie doctor yesterday, too. Good news, the biopsy came back as she thought it would...just the virus and nothing else. Thank you, oh wonderful vaggie doctor, thank you! I'll have to go back in four months for another test. She said it sometimes takes up to a year to go away. 'Til then I have to take my vitamins and quit this smoking thing. All the better time to make Ron get into a more healthy lifestyle. He really needs to quit smoking, too. He's cut down a lot since I've met him, but he needs to call it quits for good. Damnit. Fucking VICES...

I feel so out of it today. I don't want to do a thing. It's another slow day at work. I just want this day to end. I hate feeling this way and I hope it passes. I feel apprehensive, worried, depressed, anxious... Not to extremes, but it's there. It makes me so afraid to quit my medication. If I'm still feeling this way while I'm on it, imagine how I'd feel without it! Simple solution...stay on the medication. It's almost been a full year of taking it regularly and not skipping doses. It's helping a lot. I'm also trying to quit drinking so much. I haven't been up to exercising as much in the past month so I'm trying not to eat and drink as much. Especially beer. Beer is a very fattening culprit. I need to find more positive things to do besides smoke and drink. Not healthy at all.

Ugh...tonight is laundry night. I was gonna do the Caramel deed tonight, but that's going to have to wait until tomorrow now. Ron and I both have a ton of laundry to do. I don't think I'll want to do anything else after that. Once again it's all I feel like doing is going home and going to bed. I'm letting life overwhelm me again. I have to take it one day at a time. It's eleven a.m. now. I only have five more hours to go. Let them be productive. I have to take my mind off of this lump in my stomach. Look forward to going home and seeing Ron. Be happy for him, he deserves it. Life goes on..."long after the thrill 'o livin' is gone..." Hehehe, I need to get that album...as soon as I'm done paying off vaggie and vet bills.

Swell weekend

What a nice weekend. I even got some cleaning done! I still have a shitload of laundry and grocery shopping to do, but those things WILL get done this week. I've been putting them off for long enough.

So Friday's drive to the airport was just as completely shitty as I thought it would be. Altogether, I was on the road for three and a half hours. I surprised myself at how calm I was...the entire time. I didn't get frustrated or upset at the crawling traffic ONCE! I guess I'd sufficiently psyched myself up for it. It's probably because I knew it was Friday and that I had nothing to do but relax when I got home. Which is just what I did.

Saturday I was supposed to bring Caramel to the pet store. I didn't get around to it because I had wanted Ron to go with me and he was busy running errands all day. I've planned to do the deed on Tuesday, with Ron. I...I just need the support... So instead of dealing with that, I put it off to go to the bird store for another visit with Toby. I spent an hour and a half sitting with poopsie and listening to all the other parrots talk and scream. It was relaxing. For some reason all the parrot noise was comforting to me. Probably because I was in the mood for it. I don't know if I could handle all that noise on a regular basis though. Hence my choice of tiny birds with relatively small voices. By the end of my visit, Toby was nestled in my shirt between my boobs...a pocket parrot's favorite place to be. Every time I hold Pickles, he's gotta make at least one trip down there to cuddle and make his little birdy-purr noise of contentment. It's so cute, sounds like a little buzz. Toby's just a youngun' though, only about 10 weeks old. He's going to need a lot more bonding time. What's great is the fact that he's not petrified of humans. I've never started out with a hand-fed baby bird before. Hand-fed doesn't necessarily guarantee a tame bird, you still have to work to bond with them and keep them tame. But it's easier because you don't have to deal with a bird that shits itself when it sees you coming at it. Getting past that stage takes a lot of patience and understanding. I was able to do it with Pickles and Leonard, but I don't want to deal with that again. So Toby will be ready to come home by Thursday of this week. He's been eating solid adult food for the past week or so. YAY!

After the birdy visit I wasn't in the mood to do much else but lay around and watch movies with Ron. It was nasty hot again on Saturday and that just turned me into a puddle of sweaty pooh. We got some fast food and set up a comfy bed in front of the t.v. for a nice evening of movie watching. Sunday we got up fairly early 'cause Ron had more to do and I REALLY had to clean the house. Then we were going to my parents for a bbq. So I got on the dusting, vacuuming and mopping while he did his thing. We were done and ready to go by 1:00 p.m. Amazing! We got to my parents by about 2:15 and enjoyed a lovely afternoon of chatting, drinks and ribs. It had been WAY too long since I'd gone out to visit my parents. They've only seen Ron a few times since I've started dating him. It was nice to spend some time, just the four of us, so my parents could get to know Ron some more. All in all it was a great time...

By the time we got home I was exhausted. I don't know why...probably the combination of the heat, lots of yummy food and, of course, the flow of beer and wine. So after a little winding down it was off to bed to sleep like the dead 'til the alarm went off this morning.

I'm here alone again today, which is nice. It's not too busy. I'm going to leave about ten minutes early so I can get Stan to the vet. I made an appointment at a cats-only vet to get some input on what else can be done about his teeth. The other vet is reluctant to just go ahead and remove the bad teeth so I want to see what this one says. I'm tired of spending money on antibiotics and medications that don't work. I'll probably go by whatever this vet says. I just want to ease poor Stan's mouth pain.

Okay, it's time to get back to work. Break's over. I'll be back later.

Woe is me

I am bored. I want to go home. I have to drive my boss to the airport. The shitty, FAR AWAY airport. Sunnuvabitchhole. FAAAWWKKK!!! At least it's Friday. I will try to remember that as my butt is falling asleep from sitting in traffic for two hours. I'm rushing to finish things so I can forward the phones and we can hit the road as soon as possible.

My dreaded doctor's appointment went well yesterday. All she saw was a common virus that causes slightly abnormal cells. Some people get it easily, some don't. It's supposed to go away on it's own. I just have to quit smoking and take vitamins. Quitting smoking shouldn't be too terribly hard since I barely smoke as it is. She also took a biopsy to make sure there is nothing else. I'm a little worried about that, but she'd said that everything looked fine so it should be okay. It's just a precaution.

I've exhausted all avenues in trying to find Caramel rat a home. I feel awful about the whole ordeal. I've tried the internet, friends, aquaintences, schools... No one wants her. So I'm going to have to resort to the pet store. I have a couple in mind that should slim her chances of being snake food. There are some nice people at these places that I'm sure will understand.

I just can't give her the attention she needs, especially since I'm getting this new bird. Between the two birds and the cat, my attention is stretched far enough. I try to say hi to her and pet her for a little while each day. I bring in her cage when Ron's not there and open up the top so she can run around...although she never comes out, she's so shy and easily stressed. She really needs a rat buddy. I can't get her one because two rats is even more of a smelly pain. This sucks...I CANNOT EVER get any more damn pets!! It's not fair to the animal! I should never have gotten these rats! Why do I feel so damn guilty?? It's because I would always think down on people who did what I am now DOING to innocent animals. Well THIS time I'm learning my lesson. Damnit.

Well I'd better get going. I have quite a bit to do before it's off to the land of the asphalt. I fucking HATE driving to the fucking AIRPORT!!! ARRUGHGGHHGGH!!!

Humpiness

Hurray for Wednesday! I'm happy it's hump day...and that's about the only thing I'm happy about. I'm very tired today. I really need to get back on track. Everything has been so screwed up this month...actually this summer... I feel like I'm always tired.

Yesterday I got some good news about the children's book project I did illustrations for. My partner called to tell me that the very first publisher she sent a manuscript to, six months ago, has decided to review it for publishing. She received the letter on Monday. Now, she's sent a manuscript to several publishers over the past six months since we finished it and this was the very first one. Pretty exciting! I never hold my breath when it comes to these things though. I'm just happy to get my stuff out there. We'll see where it goes...but so far so good!

Speaking of children's books, last night I finally made it over to Marguerite's parent's house (she's been living in France for the past three years (we've been good friends since highschool) and went over a children's book idea that her dad had. He and I had been discussing collaboration on a project for years. He writes for fun and has written three movies and two short stories over the past 10 years. A few months ago he had given me a copy of a children's book that was inspired by Marguerite when she was 5 or 6 years old. It's an adorable story that explains emotions to children using colors. So he'd asked me to develop a child character and I got around to it last week. We set up a get together to look at my drawings last night. He really liked them. We were able to decide how much of the story needed to be edited and make an outline of drawings that needed to be done. This is just the preliminary stuff though...and who knows how long this project will go on or if we'll even finish it. It's just a fun learning exercise anyway, which is cool. Plus, what's a get together of two artists without plenty of wine and pot? Hence my tiredness today...

Well I'm hoping to get my new bird THIS weekend... I've decided on a name for him...Toby. His cage is all set up in the living room and I've been brushing up on my parrot rearing skills by reading that parrot book I got last month. Yay. Can't wait 'til the weekend.

I miss Ron and I just wanna go home and cuddle with him because I'm feeling down again today. I'm worried about my doctor's appointment tomorrow. I hope it's not too expensive and I REALLY hope there's nothing terribly wrong with me! I just wanna go home after work, but I have to drive to my other doctor's to get my file. Ugh... Me and my mood. I know, the usual. Tonight I really need to stay sober and go to sleep early. I had a terrible time getting out of bed this morning and was almost late to work again. I should be in a better mood tomorrow...I'm going to try. But I just want to get through today and it's going so slow. I just wanna do what I gotta do so I can go to bed. I'm so lazy.

Analyze THIS

Fuck I think too much. I'm fucking insane! I was reading through my entries this past week and I'm exhausted by my own thoughts!! I simply must learn to relax! All of this overanalyzing and justifying is simply unnecessary. The stress will kill me, literally.

Pfft! RELAX?? What's that??! It's more like contentment. Someone who can say they're almost completely content with themselves/life is rich to me. That's what we're all striving for, right? Of course!! Happiness and contentment. Treasures that get buried deeper and deeper as the world progresses.

I'll just have to keep reading and writing until I make some progress. Hell, I already have! For now... Until I forget about it again tomorrow.

Great to hear from you!

I got a call from Kim last night...my friend who lives a few hours away from me. Kim is another animal lover like me, we met at one of my temp jobs about five years ago. She's the one who lost her beloved dog, Dakota. Poor, poor girl. She and I talk on the phone and email from time to time...not as much this summer because we've both been pretty busy. She has been especially busy because of her new horse training job. It's so wonderful that she's finally gotten that off the ground. That's been her dream. It was very nice hearing from her and we talked for a long while...caught each other up on everything. We may not see each other or talk as much as we'd like to, but when we do it counts. After our conversation, I felt very good. I didn't realize how much I miss her. We really need to plan a get together soon

Yesterday after work I went to the bird store to check out parrotlet cages. I went to the place I'm getting him from to get their perspective on what size cage I should start him out in. Then I was going to compare their prices/cages to those at a cage warehouse Ron had told me about.

I shouldda gone to the warehouse first and foremost. *sigh*

The first cage the guy showed me was fuckingrediculouslyhuge, as I thought it would be. Salesmen. Fuck. This thing was the size of a fucking TRAILER. The dimensions were something like 36" tall by 24" wide by 28" long. Mind you, this is for a FIVE INCH BIRD. Oh, but he's "very active" and "no cage is too big." DUDE...COME ON! I'm thinking..."no way no way no way NO WAY..." I calmly ask, "How much?" $280. Uh-huh. No way no way no way no waaaayyyyyy!!! That's $120 MORE than the bird I'm purchasing. I usually go by the rule that the cage should cost less than the bird. I know that sometimes it doesn't work out like that, but it does in MY budget. I asked what the next size down would be and it was only about 4 inches smaller all around and cost $20 less. I said I understood that the bird needs a good sized cage, but I still needed to go a BIT smaller (shiiit) which brought him to finally show me something that resembled normal dimensions for a tiny ass bird. Although I thought the last model was a tad ugly, it would do and I agreed to it. He said he'd bring one in white today, when I'd scheduled to see the bird again and inquire with the breeder (his wife, who wasn't there yesterday) on when the bird would be ready to come home...whether it be tomorrow or next week.

With that I left and went to the cage depot, as I choose to call it. HOLY SHIT! Walls and walls and WALLS of cages cages CAGES! All kinds of different models and sizes to choose from, all at great prices. Needless to say, I was there only ten minutes and I had already picked out and bought the perfect cage, complete with a stand. It was one I'd had in mind, sorta in the shape of a house with a little mock "roof" on top. Very cute, same size as Pickles' cage and will fit nicely into my livingroom...unlike that disproportionate pink elephant of a cage I was first shown at the other store. I don't care WHAT that guy says, this cage, at 18" x 18" x 24" is plenty big for a single tiny parrotlet. He'll just have to jump back...and forth. Shit! I'm gonna let him out for playtime almost daily. He can run around the outside of his cage, the separate playgym I have set up on top of Pickles' cage, my body... Give me a break! Anyway, I sorta made an ass outta myself though (what the fuck ELSE is new, I seem to be doing that A LOT lately) and called the guy back at the other store to tell him not to bring in the cage today, that I'd found one. Of course he asked how big it was, how much...I just fibbed a bit on the size, said it's about as big as the last one he showed me, which it WAS...gave him the low price I paid, which was the truth... He just said, "Ooh-kay", and then I thanked him and he hung up. I didn't really know how else to handle the situation. I mean, better to tell him that I found a cage and not make him waste his time bringing in a cage I wasn't going to get. Better to get it overwith yesterday instead of going into the store today and having to tell him. Although I should have thought about what I was going to say a little more before I called him. I sorta sat there hemmin' and hawin', the awkward situation that it was... "Hi, your cages suck, I bought one that will actually fit into my livingroom at a way more reasonable price somewhere else so you can just shove THAT sale right up your ass!" So when I go there today to see baby, NO mention of the cage. I won't say a word. Chances are he forgot anyway.

Okay, time to finish things so I can get out of here on time and get to the bird store so I'll have time to play with my little guy. Then I gotta get home to Ron and give him lots 'o lovins. He's had a particularly tough week, too. Maybe I'll be on later to add some more sensless babble to this thing.

Me and my emotions...letting GO

Yesterday was one of those days that was too much for me to tolerate emotionally. After everyone had left work for the day I sat alone at my desk and bawled my eyes out. It was just one of those days...I was feeling sorry for myself. Ron called in the middle of my sniffle session and I couldn't hold back the tears long enough to talk like nothing was wrong. I'm terrible at that. Espcially when I'm in the middle of it. He consoled me over the phone and told me to calm down and come home to relax and tell him all about it. So even though I wasn't done with what I'd intended to do, I got the hell outta the office and drove home. Through my pathetic tears I told him all about Dakota's death, my pap results, feeling like an ass at work (even though everything is fine and I DID get my raise after all) and my lonliness. He just listened, hugged and consoled me some more. We sat down with a couple of beers and talked calmly after my tears stopped. He made me feel so much better and I was finally able to relax. Then I wanted to be alone and he let me be while I went into my room to read. Then I put on my headphones and fell asleep to some tunes. Next thing I knew it was midnight and I had headphones on my neck and cord twisted around my shoulders. But my bottom half was covered with a blanket a la Ron. Sweetie pie.

I basically need to learn not to let people get to me so much. The same thing I ALWAYS basically need to learn. I'm still way too sensitive and worried about what people think of me. Sometimes I try too hard. Sometimes I let people make me feel like I owe them something. I'm too easily minipulated by my own out of whack sense of guilt. Sometimes I'm too genuine and give too much only to be easily taken advantage of. Sometimes I hold back when I shouldn't... What I should do is sit back and not give such a huge shit about it. No one is worth it until they've proved themselves to me. If they don't like me, fuck 'em! I have to STOP WASTING ENERGY ON THESE FUCKS WHO AREN'T WORTH IT!!!

I guess what got me thinking is the fact that I just stopped talking to my ex's best friend. And he made me feel very bad about myself. All we were doing was instant messaging here and there. Not very much at all, mostly while I was at work and needing some social interaction. But I realized that I really needed to completely cut all ties with him, as I am in a somewhat new and serious relationship now and he was a very very short rebound relationship after my ex. I don't need him in my life, why am I still talking to him? It's not right, to me, because there was sex involved and it's ALL OVER. It was over before it started. I always thought of him as a pervert because he was so obsessed with sex. Gross. I sent him the last instant message, telling him that I was sorry but I didn't think we should talk anymore. He was "hurt" and rude to me in return. He thought we were "friends". I don't believe in being friends with men I've had any sort of sexual or emotional relationship with. I know it's not always that black and white, but it's generally a good idea to cut ties with those people, ESPECIALLY when you are in another serious relationship. Unless you were friends for a long time before it got more "complicated", so to speak, I don't really see a reason to carry on. This fellow betrayed his best friend. I rebounded. That's it. It's over. There are plenty of other people out there who ARE worth my time. This was a situation that made me think of how I need to communicate my feelings better and be more confident. Don't let this guy make me feel bad. I don't owe him anything. I need to let it go, let go of the people that I don't feel are good for me. Don't lead them on, don't sugar coat it. It wasn't cool of me to still be friendly to someone who I didn't really want anything to do with anymore. Boredom again...I wanted to instant message with someone at work. Maybe get a little gossip about the ex. In the end I'm glad because I want NOTHING to do with any of that past. Those people should remain in the past. Time to completely let go.

OH just get OVER it, will you?!

This day sucks. I just found out that my pap results are abnormal for the third time this year. Now I have to go to the fucking gyno AGAIN and get another type of test. I hope my insurance covers it. I hope I don't have cancer or some other disease.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling lonely and sorry for myself lately. I'll snap out of it like I always do... Sometimes it's hard to be all alone at the office day in and day out. I like it because I don't have to deal with assholes, but then I miss people. There are still nice people out there and I want to meet them. But I'm bad at it. Well, there just haven't been very many opportunities to meet new people lately. I know I have a great boyfriend and a couple of very close friends that I've known all of my life...but I long to make more friends. Oh hell, get over it and get on with life...

*sigh*

Okay, so yea...just got back from a meeting with the boss. Seems my approach in asking for a raise was a bit out of character to him. Good thing he knows me well and is very understanding. Another lesson learned by me. Seems I'd psyched myself up for this asking for a raise so much, that I came off with a sort of an attitude that I should not have had. He said it just wasn't like me and he could TELL I was nervous. GAWD I'm lucky. I simply MUST count my lucky stars. Any other company would have kicked me out on my sorry ass by now. So then I got more of an evaluation and took note of a couple of things that I need to improve on...mainly my lateness. Typical, I figured... And I did get the raise I needed! HURRAAAYYY!!!! I am soooooooo damn lucky. Now...keep doing a good job and be consistent and GET MY ASS HERE ON TIME!!!

Now that that's all done I'm very sad about something else... My friend Kim's doggie died of kidney failure yesterday. I got an email from her this morning. I feel like I've lost one of my own pets. Dakota was such a sweetheart. I'm really gonna miss him. I feel so bad for Kim 'cause she was so attached to him. She adopted him as an older dog, so she only got to spend about five years with him. He was one of those animals that had a special spirit. He will be missed. A moment of silence for dear Dakota...

Work follies

Hoo. What a day. First thing that comes to mind is I'M SAH-Oooooh tired!!! Ugh. My boss was at another convention last week and we reaped the benefits of it this week. Oh yea...good 'ol reapin' consisted of 50 billion orders. I misjudged how long getting all the orders ready for shipping 'cause we usually have much less orders to deal with. We are a growing company so we've slowly been getting busier. But the beginning of the summer lagged. This week I've been enundated with orders. Summer is coming to a close and that means bunnis is gon' start pickin' up. It reeeeally started last Monday. You'd think I'd know how much time to give myself. Actually, I think it had to do with the fact that I was just plain BUSY with a million things. We've been picking up as the summer comes to a close. Looks like I'm really going to have to step it up. No more diary updating during the day. I'd much rather have it busy, however, because it couldn't be more true that it makes the day go faster!

Yesterday we had the company meeting...all four of us. This includes the 62 year old Philippino shipping warehouse lady (OH such a treat to work with *uhhsarcasm), the president who started the company ten years ago, the vice-presiden who is a friend the president met at a convention (he was hired for his outstanding marketing skills) and me, the secretary/office manager doer-of-all-pertinent-bullshit employee. There are certainly pluses and minuses in working for a small company. Short, infrequent meetings, cool...no benefits, BAD...being in charge of a lot, cool...being in charge of a lot, BAD...eh...I dunno. The meeting went well and I found out from both the bosses that I'm doing a great job. The subject of a raise for me did not come up during the course of the meeting with the four of us. After about an hour we dispersed again, the president got on the phone and I went downstairs away from her and asked the vice president (my boss) for a raise. I brought it up in my shy-awkward way...stumbling about to get the proper words out of my mouth. *sigh* I still lack so much confidence it's rediculous. I'm never gonna get anywhere in life and I'm always going to be borderline poor if I don't get some more fucking confidence in the workplace! AH! But that's another benefit of a small company! It's not so formal so I can be my assinine self! But I should move past that now and work on being more of a professional. I AM for the most part...but I need to work on. There's ALWAYS room for improooooovement! BAH!! Yea, but I managed to get the message across and with a knowing, friendly smirk my boss said he'd talk to the president and, "see what he could do." Nifty. Rah. Shish-boom-bodily. I done did it. So I'm hoping and praying they can come through with something because I really really really really really really really really really really really could use one. I can't stress that enough.

Oh to be blessed with such artistic talent and to be struggling in a lame secretarial job. Fuck. Ah, but it's no one's fault but my own!

Just screwin' around

HAHAHAHAHA!! Wait! Wait! ONE more entry! I'm sitting here fooling around and had uploaded some pics off my camera. I'd forgotten about these, as they were taken around Christmas.

Me drunk

Me drunk...um...closer

Stanley drunk...well, he was coming off of the sedatives from when he had a major teeth cleaning. He was laying on the floor just like this for HOURS! Hehehehe!

One of my tattoos (I have three) that I drew.

Okay, that's it. I must go now. Really.

Lover

One more thing... This is how much of a lover Pickles is...When he's not hanging out on my shoulder or in my shirt, he's right on my chest waiting for kisses. Birds are weird, a pain in the ass sometimes...but so very worth it. When it comes to pet devotion, there is nothing like a birds love...except, of course, a CHILD's love. Oooh, oooh, that's gonna be fun... I'm sure, I have NO IDEA.

New Baby!

WWWOOOOOHHH!!!! I'm getting my new baby next week!!! I went to the parrot store and picked out my little baby boy parrotlet today. I put down my deposit and they said he should be ready to come home next week! ALRIIIIIGHT!!!! I'm pretty damn excited! I'm gonna go pick out a new cage this week. Ron showed me this great discount pet supplies place so I'll be checking that out for sure.

EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

AWWWWW!!! So cute and little with the cutest chirp!

Pretty soon I'll post a picture of my actual bird. This is just the one I found on the internet. But he looks just like it. I'm happy because Pickles won't have to be alone anymore. He grew all his feathers back from the latest plucking episode but has done it again. Only on one side of his body this time. Yep, once they start... He's been doing it for two years and is normal in every other way. Oh well, he's a happy bird. I give him plenty of attention and I'm not gonna worry about it anymore. Just glad he'll have a friend. This time I'm keeping the new bird! No more new pets for me. I'm still looking for a home for Caramel. I've extended my search to online as well...rat forums and such.

Tonight consists of relaxing with Ron. Hanging around the house, watching movies, playing video games. We ran a few errands earlier today. We also went to the music store and I got myself a new CD and a DVD. I spoiled myself a bit today. I haven't gotten any entertainment in ages. I'm enjoying my new CD, "The Killers" at the moment. I really hated the first song that they put out about a year ago and didn't think I'd ever like them. But the radio kept playing more and more of their songs and I found that I really like them. I usually don't listen to the radio much, but I've been doing so a bit more lately. I think I'm at the age now that I don't really like newer music. I'm picky...

That's about it. I'm gonna go watch another movie with

Stressed

What a week I've had. Just plain exhausting... Both at work and at home. I'm extremely happy that it's Friday and I have nothing planned for this weekend. I need to use this weekend to get the little things done, cleaning, running errands and then just plain relaxing. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.

Last weekend was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed the beach on Saturday and introducing Ron to my extended family at the beer bust on Sunday. It was a little disappointing that there weren't as many people there as there usually are, but it was still a lot of fun. Ron was quite impressive...my mom nearly shit her pants when he gave her the little bell from Alaska. She kept repeating..."I can't believe how THOUGHTFUL he is!!" He was his usual funny self, too. I loved it.

I had to pet sit this week for an old boss. I worked for her and her husband about five years ago. They were a really nice older couple who ran a small company that sold asphalt maintenance equipment. Man...the weird ass businesses I've worked for... Anyway, her husband passed away about two years ago. We've kept in touch on and off and I mentioned I do pet sitting. She'd always bring her dog into the office during the day, a nervous, but sweet minature german shepherd girl named Andi. She was the type of dog that didn't take easily to strangers but trusted me pretty much right away. Hence, I was asked to pet sit as soon as she needed someone. It was just for a few days this week, Sunday through Wednesday...

Well, it went fine except for the diarreah accidents on the living room rug that happened sometime in the middle of the night on Monday and Tuesday nights... I had attributed these incidents to "missing mommy" syndrome...her widdle tummy being upset 'cause mommy's gone...but it turns out that I had fed her a bit more than she was used to. I was only supposed to give her about an eighth of a HUH-ooooj can of wet dog food mixed with her 1/2 cup dry, as opposed to the third of a can I'd given her each day. That mixed with the fact mommy was gone made her explode. I was okay with the first accident, but waking up to the second one sent me off. It's a long story that I don't feel like writing about...but this week involved depression, an anxiety attack and a horrible headache set off by me stressing myself out for no reason. Well, it wasn't really for NO reason...it's just that I'd had it. Too much has been going on for me to handle lately. Especially since I've been in a "mood" this week, not really wanting to do anything. I ended up staying home from work and sleeping all day on Wednesday. That helped some.

I don't really like having to live in two places. Although I got paid quite well for the few days I spent(she was so sweet and felt so bad about me having to wake up to shit on the rug), I'm not sure if it's worth it. I always have to make sure to go home and take care of my pets as well and after a day or two, this becomes a huge drag. Especially when it's been a very busy couple of weeks. I don't take stress well at all. Not to mention not getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation + stress = huge anxiety attack. I had the attack on Wednesday morning when backing out of the lady's driveway. I had a splitting headache and obviously couldn't drive straight. I went of the curb and the next thing I know I hear scraping on the street. I pull over at the nearest street, get out and look under my car from the BACK and see what looks like a "pipe" falling out of the bottom of my car. I panic, get back into the car and dial Ron. He groggily says he'll be there shortly and calm down, asks me what street I'm on... I just sit in the car all headachy, stressed out and depressed, waiting waiting waiting. I call work and tell 'em what's going on, not sure what time I'll be in... Then I see Ron sail by behind me. I try his cell and he doesn't answer. I get out and run back to the house and he's not there. I panic and panic and start crying...walking back and forth from the house to my car. Finally, after calling him a couple more times, I get into my "broken" car and move it, scraping all the way, back to the house. Ron pulls up a couple of minutes later. He'd gone to four gas stations asking them where "Rose Glen" was and no one knew. I didn't tell him it was actually "Rock Glen". Then he looks at my car and starts laughing hysterically...it was the fucking air spoiler that had partially fallen off. A little non-critical piece of fucking PLASTIC. I was mortified and apologized through tears... He was very understanding and sweet, pulled off the part and said we'd attach it this weekend. We just need to get some gaskets. He told me once again, like so many others have, that I need to calm down and think things through before I start to panic. Me and my snowballing... I hate it...

So after two weeks of being busy busy busy and partying partying partying...I am fucking exhausted. No more. Oh yea, and Devons fairwell was fun. The four of us went to a nice dinner. I couldn't afford it, but oh well. It sucks he had to go. He'll be gone for another year. Hopefully he'll email more this time. That's it for now. Shit, I guess I DID feel like writing about it! Hehe, therapy. Well, work beckons. *sigh* Another stress...boss is back and things are all crazy here. Got a million things to do. Bye bye for now...

My vacation

Finally, I have time to add an entry. What a week! It was a fantastic week though! Simply wonderful! I guess I'll start from the beginning...

Ron's homecoming...ahhhhhhhhh...it was so fucking great! Missing him so much just made the homecoming all the more sweet. He got home at about 11:00 a.m. on Saturday and I was still in bed. I'd had a horrible, horrible dream that morning. It was the first time in my life I'd even had a dream bad enough to make me wake up just bawling. I've had bad dreams and been sad upon waking, or crying in my dream, but never ever like this. I don't remember it anymore, I tried my very best not to think about it. The feeling that it left in my gut was enough. All I remember is that my left knee had something very wrong with it in the dream and I was hobbling around. I was so relieved when I woke up, too. Ohhughg...I've never felt such relief that it was JUST a dream... I sat there crying and crying. Then I got up and walked around the house...it was about 5:45 a.m. I was just limping and crying, not fully awake. It was terrible. I saw Ron's cap sitting on the table and I picked it up and went back to bed, clutching it and crying. I finally fell back to sleep after about an hour.

Okay, so back to the homecoming... I was gently awakened by a hand lightly rubbing my bare leg. As soon as I opened my eyes, he was standing over me all clean from a shower. He smelled delicious. I let out an "Oh poopie..." in a sleepy voice and he climbed in bed and gave me a huge, loving hug. Then we kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed... Then I stripped off my pjs and we made hungry love. Aaahhh...making love after not seeing each other for so long...just fucking beautiful. Afterwards, we got up and went into the living room and he started telling me all about his trip. He came home with treasures, too. He gave me a cute little shot glass, a squeezie bear keychain (ya squeeze it and poo comes outta the end and goes back in), a deck of cards with the Northern Lights on them, a t-shirt with an Alaskan local bar on it and best of all, a beautiful pair of jade (the precious stone of Alaska) turtle earrings. They're simply adorable. He also brought home other goodies...smoked salmon, king salmon filets... Haven't had the filets yet, but we dug into the smoked salmon. We ate a whole, huge filet. It was mudda-fuckin' deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious!!!!! Unfortunately, it must have been a little bad, because within a few hours I was literally peein' out my ass. Mmmmm, yea...gettin' a little graphic here. I did that all night. Ron started getting the poopies Sunday morning. But having the poopies wasn't so bad 'cause we were just home relaxing and watching movies. It was too HOT to do anything else. Sunday was more of the same, pooping and relaxing. We each threw up on Sunday morning, too. Isn't that niiiiiice? I'm not going to be able to indulge in the smoked salmon for a while. Every time I think of it, my stomach turns a little.

Sunday night was the Robert plant concert. It was a lot of fun, but not as fun (or good) as the Judas Priest show. Let me put it this way, Led Zepplin is now officially Dead Zepplin. The thing that we didn't like the most about it was the fact that almost none of the songs sounded like the originals. I didn't even recognize "Black Dog" or "Good Times, Bad times", two of my favorite songs. This particular tour of theirs was called "Mighty Re-arranger. Yea, re-arranged songs...um, no. Good 'ol Robert-don't-call-me-Bob-Plant (Ron's name for him) is now an 'ol man. He even danced like one, swaying back and forth like a dork. Ron expected them to launce into a fuckin' ho-down!! But it was still a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Monday, after some last minute preparations, Melanie, Devon, Rich and I left for the Kern River up north. We left about 4:00, the stoner laggers we are, but didn't hit too terribly much traffic and were outta the grisly city before we knew it. The trip was a fucking BLAST from the minute Melanie backed outta my driveway. Although, Melanie doesn't like to use her air-conditioner, so the drive was kinda hot. We didn't up to the site until about 8:30. Parked the truck in the alotted spots a little way away from the road and hiked down to the river. It was short hike, but we had to climb down a bunch of rocks. I found out in no time that my flip-flops were not going to cut it for the terrain. I had to climb on all fours every time we encountered rocks (a LOT) and I have lil' boo-boos on my feet from them. They sucked. I must get the correct sandals for next time. We got down to the site, and Melanie and I started putting the tent together while the boys went up and got the rest of the stuff. Okay, the TENT. Hehehehehehehehe! I can't even think of the tent without chuckling. Melanie's mom let her borrow a tent for our trip. She said it was a four-person tent, easily. She obviously sent us the wrong tent. Definately the wrong tent. When we took that sucker outta the bag and laid it out, it looked more like a fucking 20 person fortress. It looks complicated, shall we get the directions? Surprise! There ARE none! Woowoo! SOOoooh...Commence blindly assembling a fucking HUGE ASS tent, ten thousand pipes and all...that's when we found it it was gon' be a tad bit more complicated than we thought. The pipes were all different lengths, we didn't know how to put them in the ground, we tried again and again, it collapsed a few times...thus, there we were standing there just totally bewildered by the time the boys got done. So we got Rich involoved. The minute he saw it he was like, "OH shiiittt, heeeeere we fuckin' go!" Now, Rich is a really motivated guy. He likes to accomplish shit. We worked on that fucker for another 45 minutes. But we did it! We got it to stand!!! We were so pround of our finished product. Pretty fucking awesome. Check it out:

Yea, it collapsed on Tuesday, but never once while were were in it and ONLY once. So we were proud of our shelter. We made absolute sure to send Melanie's mom the pictures and give her a good belly laugh. Monday night was the first lovely camp fire. We got buzzed on our vodka and fruit punch and just chilled. Of course we had s'mores. Couldn't WAIT for that shit to happen!! Tuesday was spent doing a little hiking, looking for the perfect spot to play and hang out at the river's edge. We found it only about a five minute rock hike from our campsite. That first dip in the river is indescribable. Something between an orgasm and eating chocolate. OH! OH!!!! AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh..... We spent the whole afternoon basking on the rocks and dippin' in the river. Then we went back to the campsite and sat in the little pool at our little private beach. The fucking definition of relaxation right here, man...

Some more AAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Perfect way to spend the day. Oh yes, and when we arrived back at camp, we were greeted by the sight of our collapsed Chatau ou' Meljulrich...

After putting it back up and securing it a little better (at least the front) with some boulders, we started making the campfire. This was to be the event campfire. The bomb campfire. Theeee shit. We got 'er going and made a dinner we'd been starving for... Chicken breast and pork filets with garlic, salt, pepper, butter and sliced plums sliced on top, baby potatoes and sweet corn onna cob. MMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, so fucking GOOOOOOOOOD!! We wrapped the food in foil with butter, etc and roasted it over the fire in these cool litte cages...ya put the food in the middle, lock it in and cook. The food turned out deeeeee-ah-leeeeee-fuckin'-licious, for lack of a better description. After our gorging session came the s'mores. More sensational mouth bliss. And by this time we were good and buzzed. I loved the moments of silence, just listening to the river rushing and the rythmic singing of the crickets. And the STARS the beautiful, gorgeous, dazzling and ultra-magnificent fucking STARS! GAWD I love camping. It had been too long. I'm so glad we went to the river instead of the Joshua Tree though. We surely would have died a painful death due to the intense desert heat. No shit, eh? It hot enough at the river, which made having a body of cool water nearby very convenient and very perfect. It also came in handy when the s'more-fest got outta hand. By the time I was done, I was covered in marshmallow.

The ending to our perfectly relaxing day came when we literally dragged ourselves to our tents. I was out in about 30 seconds. Unfortunately, we had to leave too early on Wednesday, Rich had to go into work that evening. So it was up and at 'em for another quick dip in the river before we had to start cleaning up and hit the road. I was feeling quite low while packing, it was too soon to leave. I needed at least one more full day of river. On the drive home we stopped at a diner in Kern county and had a delicious breakfast. Then it was the hot drive home. When we got home, Melanie dropped me off at my house and I put my stuff indoors, checked the zoo and went back to her house for a dip in the pool with her and Devon. They got out after a few minutes and I stayed in to swim like a fish. I love swimming so much. I usually swim around like a seal underwater for a while before I start getting into swim team lap mode. Every time I get into a pool I have to do at least one or two laps of each stroke (six years of swim-team in highschool and jr. college drilled this into my brain). So I don' did a little free-style, little breast-stroke, little butterfly (my stroke in highschool woowoo go me) and a little back-stroke. After a some more seal behavior, I had to get out because I felt my eyeballs being slowly disintegrated by the chlorine in the water.

After my swim it was a quick bowl with Melanie and Devon and then I went home to shower (another orgasmic experience, that and getting my filthy ass into the pool) and lay my exhausted, burnt ass on the couch. Ron got home from work and we just chilled before I had to go to bed to get up for work on Thursday.

I simply have to go camping more often. I can't even fully express how much I adore it. This vacation was glorious. Going back to work was horrid. But I'll get into that more in my next entry. It's a good thing I went back Thursday and Friday though, the place would have been a mess. Plus it was nice to get in a couple of days and then have the weekend to look forward to.

This weekend has been great so far. The beach today and tomorrow is our annual family beer bust at my aunts house. Get to show off Ron to more of my extended family. With that I'm going to post. This is, I think, my longest entry yet. I had to get up a few times so my ass wouldn't fall asleep. Later!

Quickie

I have plenty to update about, but no time at the moment. Busy as fuck at work. It was a great vacation though...way too short as usual. The boss is in town so I haven't had much time to do anything else. I'll try to update when I get home tonight and am considerably more relaxed. Later!

The band played on

Just a quick entry before I have to leave work and go home to my hothouse. I'm very happy that it's Friday and the start of a long weekend for me. I made sure to get everything done so I can relax for the weekend. It was quite a busy day for me. It even included stressing out over the phone bill and CRYING to the SBC account manager I have been talking to every fucking month...trying and TRYING to resolve all of these billing issues. I refuse to talk to any more people in any more fucking departments. I cannot BELEIVE the incompetence, it just FLOORS me that they can't fix it after six fucking months!!!! It's driving me insane. I finally broke down because I simply cannot justify paying an $880.00 phone bill when our bills were always between $250 and $400 per month. Each month things have gotten more and more screwed up because some fuckhead in some department did something wrong. I especially want to resolve this bullshit because the owner of the company will be staying here from the 29th of July to the 18th of August! She's a nice lady yadda yadda but her type A personality really gets on my nerves after a (little) while. She's a rich workaholic. We are entirely different people. So yea... Vacation time for me. And soon after I get back, I'm sitting both my bosses and the shipping lady down for a company meeting. We need to communicate a little more than we have been. And I am getting my raise! Hmph!

Yesterday I got to leave work early to go to a doctor's appointment. I wanted to go to an M.D. and see if I could get some help with my costly prescriptions. She helped me out quite a bit. Plus I finally only had to pay a co-pay, instead of full out of pocket like I always have been. Fuck, I don't think I've ever had a decent insurance plan. I also got my third PAP smear of the year. My other two came out with a few abnormal cells. Nothing serious, says gyno, just keep coming back for these goddamned expensive-ass tests. The fact that I had to drive all the way to shits-ville downtown L.A. (the closest gyno my other shitty discount plan could find for me) didn't help at all. I just hope there's nothing too wrong with me. I'll find out in a couple of weeks. I'm going to try not to worry too much. *gulp* I'm tired of all these doctors appointments.

Last night was fun. HOT, but fun. I picked up Devon from Melanie's on my way home from my appointment. He's staying at Melanie's until he leaves to go back to China on the 28th. Since Melanie wasn't home from work yet, we got to spend some time talking. It was fun filling him in on all the ex bullshit and things that Melanie had already heard. It was also quite interesting hearing about his China adventures. Quite interesting INDEED. Then we went to my house and met up with Melanie and Rich. Devon was fascinted by Rosie spider. He actually held her! Everyone is petrified of her, even Ron. Devon has been thinking about getting one because they're so intriguing and cool looking. It helps that they're so low maintenance, too. For dinner we ordered pizza and breadsticks. I totally pigged out. I think it's partly because I waited too long to order and it took a while to arrive. Everyone was starving. I'm a great hostess! Devon and I went out later and got a cherry pie. Ooooh I was bad...of course we were all high so I had twice as much food as I normally would. PIGGY. But it was fun, what the hell! We spent much of the evening out on my cute porch, surrounded by the cool candle torches Melanie gave me for my birthday. Now there's a lovely coat of wax on parts of my plants. Oh, and my porch. It's probably all melted again. Once everyone left, around 10:30 or so, I had another peice of cherry pie (oink) and donned my wet clothes for bed. This time I just put on my shorts and tank top and jumped in the shower to give myself a nice blast of cold water...WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo-eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh... And then, yes, the fffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn........

I'm very excited, only one more sleep 'til I gedda seen Ronnie poopie poopie poop! Okay, I'll stop calling him that...really. Um yea, and I get to sleep in! I don't know how fun that will be in this oppressive heat, but I'll make the best of it. If I have to I'll just wet myself again. No, in the shower... Hehehe...wet myself... I think tomorrow will be spent vegging around (and having lots of sex) with Ron. Can't wait! He said he should be at my house by noon. That's about when I'll want to drag myself out of bed. Maybe Sunday we'll hit the beach before we go to the Robert Plant show. It's a local show, which is great, and it's not until the evening. I hated having to drive all that way to the Priest concert, that sucked. Especially on the way home when we were tired and drunk.

Wow, so much for the "quick entry". I just don't want to go hooooome. It's gonna be so hooooot. I HATE THIS WEATHER! MAKE IT STOP!!! Seriously, should I go pick up a kiddie pool? Have it in the middle of the living room? Hehe, maybe. Maybe I'll go swimming at Melanie's tonight. I'll most likely end up going there to hang with them anyway, seeing as I won't see them Saturday or Sunday. But we will be spending time together camping. We decided to go to the mountains instead, I think I may have mentioned that in my last entry. The desert = complete HELL this time of year. No shit, eh?

Okay, it's time to go. I guess I'll stop off and eat something in air conditioning, somewhere... Not sure where. Maybe get a sandwhich. I don't know. I hope Pickles still has all his feathers when I get home!

HELL

I HATE SUMMER! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HAAAAAAAAAATE IT!!!! It is so fucking HOT outside! AARRRghghghgh!!! I don't want to go home! My house is going to be MISERABLE! My poor poor pets... Stan has probably gotten into my razors and shaved off all of his fur. Pickles has probably plucked off all of his newly grown, not even fully developed feathers. I might have to break down my cheap ass and turn on my window unit in the bedroom for a little while. It's not like I don't have air conditioning, it's just that I'm too cheap to use it. I have decided that I am DEFINATELY going to ask for a raise. This is rediculous. I'm so fucking TIRED of not being able to afford to live comfortably. If I have to pay for my own damned insurance, then I deserve a fucking raise to help me! Give me a BREAK!AARRRUGGGHGHGHG!!!! *puff* *puff* Okay, calm down... I knew I wasn't going to be offered insurance when I took this job and that I'd eventually have to get it on my own. It still sucks, but that's the way it goes!

That was my little rant for now. For now. For now. The heat is making me crazy crazy crazy... Breathe... So last night was interesting. I went to the Shabu Shabu place and treated myself to a wonderful, expensive meal. It was so very yummy. I had myself a couple of beers with it and got a nice buuuuzzz. I didn't get home from my day until about 7:00. My house was so very nice and suffocatingly hot. I jumped in the shower to soothe the stickies. Turned on all the fans and laid down on my bed, naked and wet. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...ffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn. It felt so gooooooooooooooooooood. I was going to lay there for a little while and cool off. Then I'd planned to water the plants and clean the damn rat cage, let Pickles out for a little while, maybe write some bills. I was thinking of all these things as I laid on my bed in the wonderful fanniness. Next thing I know the phone is ringing at 9:45. Whah? Who? Where? It was Melanie confirming our plans to go pick up Devon from the airport tonight. She's like, "You sound tired, you weren't sleeping were you?" I never like to say that to people who call and wake me so I just said, "No...I...I just haven't been talking all day." MMm-hmmm... No, I didn't fall asleep at 7:30 in the evening, not me. Once I was awake I just managed to drag myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then I put on a wet tank top, put it under the bathtub faucet for a sec, and went back to bed.

I didn't wake up much...had some weird ass dreams. I've had three weird dreams about Ron this week. In each one, it starts out with Ron and I being all lovey... Then as the dream goes on he turns into Arn. I get this sick feeling in my stomach and I'm thinking...wait, what happened here??? I don't remember much else, then I wake up. Yuck! What the hell is that about??? Last night's was depressing because I had this horrible feeling that I was stuck with Arn and Ron was gone. In one part, I was in a car with him and his parents and he was sitting in between the two of them! We were going to his sister's or something, I don't remember. I mainly remember the sick feeling of dread in my gut. Bleh. I can't WAIT for Ron to come home, damnit. This week is hell...literally.

Well I've decided to stay a little late at work again and exercise. There is no way I'll be able to exercise outside or in my house. So I figure I'll do some ab work and then run up and down the stairs a few times to get the heart going. Yea, that should work. Just like being in an airconditioned gym. Okay...here goes...getting motivated now. Later!

Shabu Shabu-eeee

I'm having a good day today. I'm a little sore from last nights workout. I did a workout from my cable t.v. free access on demand dealy again. I did the butt one and the ab one. Ouch. I hadn't worked those areas in a few weeks. I just got back into the cardio/jogging thing a couple of weeks ago and haven't been doing that as regularly as I used to. I go through phases...in everything... But my motto when it comes to exercise has always been "Something is better than nothing". So even working out ONCE a week is better than nothing. But I find that if I work out once a week, I wanna do it at least twice a week. And then if I'm doing it twice a week, I may as well do it three times. But that's where it stops. My average workout schedule is three times a week for 30 minutes which is...BETTER THAN NOTHING! I hate setting unrealistic goals for myself 'cause it just makes me feel shitty.

So anyway, about my day... I had been kicking around the idea of bringing either my cat or my rats to work while my boss was away for quite a while. I've brought Pickles in a few times, but he doesn't take travelling as well as he used to. Well today I finally did it, I brought Stanley cat to work. I had my own "Bring your pets (children to normal people) to work day"! Stan is really good about travelling. He's a very smart and laid back cat. I started when he was a kitten, taking him to my brother's house, my friends houses, my parents and my boyfriends. Just throw the litter box (it has a handle and a lid) in the trunk along with a small paper bag with his food bowls. I also put a plastic bag over the poop end of his pooper scooper so I can put it in the paper bag. Pretty damn easy. I always thought that since he's an indoor cat, he'd enjoy little outings every once in a while. I even took him to my aunts for a family get together one summer. It was for our annual beer bust. I was walking him around the yard on a leash. People thought I was nuts (but it's a given, my family thinking that...they KNOW me) but they were amazed at how well behaved and smart Stan was. So he's been doing very well here at work. He's a people cat, loves meeting new people, so he spent most of the day in the warehouse with the shipping lady. She really appreciates animals, too, so she played with him a lot. She even made him a little toy out of shipping materials! Every now and again he'd come over and jump up on my desk to lick my nose and lounge on my paperwork. As of now, he's laying under my desk sleeping, as he's been awake ALL DAY. Very rare for a cat. He's going to sleep very well tonight. I love Stanley so much, he's like having a dog, but with much less maintenance.

My day has been good though, had some things to do. It hasn't been quite so slow this week. I even got an email back from Kim. I'm happy to hear that she has gotten a job offer with another stable. It seems that her business isn't going so well with her partner. The compatibility between business partners is crucial. Seems her partner is bad in the decision making department and they were having some problems. So Kim has encouraged her partner to go off on her own again so she can go work for this other stable. Good for her. I admire her, she's so strong willed. Her new job sounds like it will be perfect for her, training horses and running a stable.

I'm kind of hanging around work a little late tonight. I don't feel like going home to my hothouse. I miss Ron as usual. Tomorrow night should be fun, I'll be able to get my mind off pining away and go see a friend I haven't seen in a year. Good 'ol Devin is flying in tomorrow night and Melanie and I are gonna go pick 'im up. Yay. He'll be here for a week and we gedda go campin' campin'!!!!! So that should make the rest of the week fly until Ron gets back on Saturday afternoon. I can't fucking WAIT. I'm gonna squeeze him to death when I see him!!! AND do other things of course... A little sexual frustration? Just a TAD. But it's kinda fun 'cause it'll make it all the better when he gets back!!!!!

I'm trying to decide what I want for dinner tonight. Should I be lazy and just get some fast food on the way home? I don't feel like cooking tonight because it's so fucking hot. I feel like spaghetti... Then again, I haven't had Shabu Shabu in a while. My ex and I discovered it and would have it a few times a month. It's quite expensive so I can't do it as much as I used to. I've been meaning to take Ron out for it, but money's been too tight. Same with him...he's been wanting to take me, but it's just too expensive. Ah well...it's a treat and we'll be able to do it together SOME day. Anyway, it's this Japanese dish...I think I've talked about it on here before. The restaurant is set up like a big bar, with the waitresses in the middle. In front of each place setting is a burner with a pot of water, which is turned to boiling once you sit down. The usual shabu shabu meal consists of a plate of fresh veggies: cabbage, spinach, carrots, mushrooms, broccoli, onions and a side of noodles...and another plate of thinly sliced beef. You also get two bowls of different sauces and a bowl of rice. You're supposed to cook the veggies and beef in the water and dip them in the sauces and eat them with the rice. At the end, you're left with a big pot of beef broth that you can eat with your leftover rice...I usually save most of my rice and make a sort of porridge. MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!! OH YEA! I'm totally gonna go get me some Shabu Shabu tonight! It's right down the street from work. So I can leave Stan here and come back to pick 'im up on the way home. Alright! I've made a dinner decision! Something different and outta the ordinary to help me with my lonely duldrums!

Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh!!! Ronnie poopie poop just called my cell phone! He told me all about his adventures in Alaska so far. He says it's gorgeous and so full of nature. In the meantime I'm wailing..."I'M SO JEALOUS! I WANNA GOOOOOO!!! I HATE THE CITY! I WANT NATURE!!!" I'm sure we're gonna visit Alaska together someday. Of course it was wonderful to hear his voice and his silly laugh. I love his laugh. *aauaowoghghgogogghhghg* M'kay....yea....

I guess I'll stop now and finish up some extra things here at work before I go. I may as well get some extra stuff done while I'm waiting for the Shabu Shabu place to open. They serve dinner only so they won't be open 'til 5:00. MMmmm, yummy yummy Shabu Shabu!

Whizzer

Monday Monday...ahhhhhh Monday. Is it Monday again already? Yes, but I am grateful to have a job to go to on this fine, hot and humid summer Monday. Really I am.

I had a nice weekend, I did. Melanie and I did not go swimming on Friday. I didn't think we would. It's not unusual at all for Melanie and I to make grand plans and not follow through with them, as evidenced by the Artichoke Festival trip. But we decided that it would be better to swim on Saturday afternoon after the movie. That didn't happen either. We had a perfectly ligitimate reason, we were just fucking exhausted. As I've said before, I am completely useless if I lose sleep. It's all because we stayed up late hanging out on Friday night. Melanie's guy friends came over (well, they're sorta my friends, too, through her, 'specially Mike 'cause we've both known him since highschool) and we did nothing but get high, eat and play video games. Well, Melanie and two of the guys played video games. I read this fascinating book that Mike had brought over called "Mapping the Mind". Mike just tooled on his laptop like he usually does. The book is about the human brain, complete with it's make up and part functions It's a trailblazer book in that it is one of the first of its kind to compile such information. There are tons of summations of studies from different scientists, pictures of brain scans showing brain activity in light, explanations for why we do the things we do and most interestingly, pyscological studies of people with brain damage, murderers, alcoholics and the brain characteristics found common in each of them. I couldn't stop reading! So much so that I lost track of time and didn't realize it was past MIDNIGHT and I had to get home to Ronnie poop 'cause he was leaving early the next morning! I felt so bad, and needless to say he was a little upset, too. He was like...I'm leaving, what the hell? But then I started dwelling on it and repeating myself, then become quiet and upset. He's like..."Calm down. Do I look mad? Why would I be mad at you? It's over...don't worry about it. Just try to be a little more considerate next time." Yes, of course he was right. I had started feel irritable...a combination of being mad at myself for staying out and losing track of time, Ron having to leave the next day and being high. I was moody and burnt out. I used to do that with my ex and he never understood that. But back then I had wanted to stay at Melanie's getting high and really dreaded going home to the warden...especially feeling the way I did. I never knew how to act. I kind of got this feeling again when I was late Friday night. This is more of what made me mad at myself and mad at the situation. Another stupid waste of energy. Fucking stoner ass. I'm going to need to grow out of this smoking thing eventually, I know. I hate it when I do that kind of stuff though... Okay, don't dwell....

So that was Friday night. I didn't get to bed until 2:30 and had to be up at 7:30 to get ready to go to "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." The showing was so early because it was at the huge theatre complex, 32 theatres altogether, and before it opened for business. So I got up with Ron and kissed him goodbye. As I watched his truck go down the driveway, my lip started to quiver. I went in the house and had a little separation anxiety episode. I cried for a few minutes until the phone rang, and it was a groggy Melanie telling me that she and Rich were on their way. So quick to the bathroom to wash my face. I didn't want Melanie to see me crying over a boyfriend leaving again. She had to deal with my crazy separation depression during the terrible summers my ex was gone for weeks at a time. So lame. Anyway, the movie started at 9:15, but we had to be there by 8:30. We made it there by 8:45, Starbucks in hand. The line was quite long, it looked like every single fucking Warner Brothers employee and their kids went. It was to be expected though, it was a good family movie after all. I enjoyed it thoroughly! Johnny Depp was fantastic, as usual. It had the Tim Burton style, with the swirly designs, snow and dark humor. I liked it a lot better than the original, although the original was very good for it's time. I loved Gene Wilder and his quirkiness and the overall story. The new one was naturally full of computer animation and sometimes was a bit much, but it wasn't tooooo overdone. I enjoyed it and best of all, it was free! Thanks, Mel!

After the movie the three of us went out to lunch. I had an overpriced Greek salad with very few olives in it, teeny little tomato cuts and about an american cheese slices worth of goat cheese. It was good though, it's all I needed because I ate so much damn Chinese food on Friday night. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm....crab rangooooooooooooons.... After that, Rich split and the two of us went back to Melanies to smokie-smokie and nappie-wappie. I slept for three hours! When I finally woke up I was starving and wolfed some leftover Chinese. Then it was off to the bookstore, Melanie needed to get her friend at work a gift and I really wanted that Brain book. I haven't read anything intersting in ages. I feel like my brain is melting, it needs some stimulation for a good book. I also got "My Parrot, my friend" a very informative book on the proper husbandry of parrots. A parrot "parenting" book, if you will. The best thing about it is that it has methods of working with your parrot to undo damage that has been done by stress and anxiety. It's even got case studies, many of which have to do with compulsive feather picking birds. WOO WOO!!! Right up our alley, eh Pickies??! I'm gonna read that fucker from cover to cover and start applying things slowly. I hope it helps us. After the bookstore Melanie dropped me home, I did a little cage and house cleaning and then settled into bed to read and listen to music. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh.... And I laid there smelling Rons pillow forever. I miss him so much!! GAWD! I'm so pathetic, I always get like this!!! It's like I have that damn lump in my stomach that's usually there when I'm depressed. Hell, that would mean I'm depressed. I'm doing okay though...yesterday I laid around some and then I got up and took Pickles and Stanley for a walk. I let Stan roam around the yard and had Pickles on my shoulder while I read on the patio for a while. Then I went looking for Stan and he was over in the neighbors (apt. building) yard so I just followed him around some. Not every exciting, walking a cat. He even laid down and relaxed...sprawled out on the cement. But his favorite thing to do was roll in the dirt. It was so cute! We got over to the dirt patch and he looked up at me like, can I? I said, "sure, go ahead, I know you're DYING to..." With that, he flopped down and did the cute kitty roll. Turned himself a nice, light brown. I brushed most of it off before we went in, but he's still a faint brown. The greatest thing is that I hopped the wall after a while and opened my front screen door. Then I put Pickles in the outside cage and sat to read for a while. A few minutes later, Stanley came back around and walked right into the house. It's the best to just let them do what comes natural and not have to give chase to get 'em back in the house. He's pretty good about coming when I call him, too. But I don't let him roam freely because my neighborhood just isn't condusive to that. Too much traffic and kids and shit. So I think letting him roam once a week or so with me keeping an eye on him is better than nothing. Helps with his cabin fever.

MAN I gotta pee. I have to finish up here and go. Gotta get home and exercise since I was too hot and lazy to do it all weekend. It's time to whiz!

OH the HUMIDity!!!!

It's another Friday afternoon. Oh jOy!*!*! I'm still not done with my work and I should be going home in about ten minutes.

Okay, there...40 minutes later and I am done with work. Now I have a shitload of errands to run after work. I saved them all for today because I get paid today (or I paid myself...it's weird doing payroll when my boss is out of town because I sign...well forge...my own check)and most of my errands involve spending money that I haven't had until today. Let's see what I consider a "shitload"...

1. Drop off bank deposit for work.
2. Deposit boss' paycheck since he's outta town AGAIN.
3. Go to Longs to pick up birth control pills (hoping that my new insurance that just kicked in today will a. work b. maybe make these fuckers cost a little less until I change them for something cheaper), mousse, gel and conditioner for the taming of the naturally curly beast. Well, um, all help with the hair with the exception of the birth control pills, of course...
4. Deposit MY paycheck.
5. Go to the pet store for Rosie's weekly cricket ration, bird pellets and seed for Pickles, kitty litter and maybe one new toy for Pickles since he's been feeling so fucked up lately.

Okay, that's not really a shitload but I hate running errands so it is to me. I need to get going pretty soon because I'm going to Melanie's to swim this evening. It isn't so bad when I'm not alone. Hopefully there won't be too many spectators today. Fortunately, it seems most of the people in her building, including the kids, aren't too fond of swimming. At least that's how it was last year and they year before...the few times I did swim there. I simply MUST touch water today though. In addition to being nice and hot, it's also HA-UUoooooooooomiiiid!!! AWRIGHT! It's summer storm time. The deserts get the lightening storms and we get the leftofter humidity. Last night cooled off nicely though, I'm hoping it'll do the same this evening.

So tomorrow morning Ron leaves for Alaska. WWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don' *sniff* I don' *sniff* I don' WAN 'im tah goooooooooooo!!!!!! GAWD I'm gonna miss him. But it's only a week. It's good for us to be apart sometimes. Really. WAHHHHHH!!!!!! I'll be getting up with him, not only to say goodbye, but because I am going with Melanie and Rich to see a free screening of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" a la Warner Brothers. It's great having a friend working there! Hopefully Tyra will be able to go, too. She's feeling better from her ordeal and the tumor is benign...thank God. I think it's kind of lame for a screening to be at 9 a.m., but what the hell, it's free and I SHOULD get my ass out of bed early on a Saturday sometimes. It'll be cool to see that movie and compare it to the classic. I'm actually not a huge fan of the original. I have it, as so many people do because it's a 'cult classic'. But I can't help but think it's terribly cheesy. That's part of the whole appeal, I guess. Eh...

Oh yea, and the dinner was yummy the other night! We had spaghetti and garlic bread again, a favorite for both of us. I'd swear that Ron is Italian he loves that dinner so much! And he loved the sunflower. I told him how happy sunflowers make me feel and that he is my sunflower. AWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...*hurl* I know I know! I'M the CHEEEEEEZMASTER!!!!

Oh shit, I'd better get my ass out the door. It's errand time! Bye bye!!!

Sunflowers

Hmmm, not too much going on today. I'm feeling good about myself because I just asked my boss again if we could get together for a yearly review on my performance. He said not to worry, he wasn't putting me off and that yes, we will be getting together to go over details once he's done with the last of the summer conventions in the beginning of August. He also said that in the meantime, I am doing a great job and that I should be proud of my immense improvement since I started here. Good to hear. I am definately going to bring up a raise when we do talk. I have thought it over and damnit, I DO deserve a raise. I am worth it! I need to be more of a professional and realize my potential. These thoughts are thanks to a talk I had with Ron last night. I was feeling low about my job, money and just being able to get by. He sure did help make me feel better. So his little pep talk got me going...

Good news on Pickles...so far so good with the homeopathic treatment. I got home and opened his cage door last night and he just climbed right up onto his playstand and ate some treats, humped his favorite toy...then sat there for a while. I went up to him and he didn't start going into the crazy mating dance ritual as he's been doing so much lately. It's nothing too significant, but I can see a slight difference in his nuerotic behavior. He's got pinfeathers all over his widdle body. I've been spraying him down with the medicine also, as it's supposed to soothe him as the new feathers poke through. I'm going to continue to be consistent with the meds, it's all I can do...and STOP blaming myself. Today. For now.

Ron is doing okay with Caramel rat being inside the house at night. I've been putting her cage outside during the day and moving her in at night. No horrid allergic reactions from Ron yet. She's got a great habit of peeing and pooping in just one or two of the corners of the cage, so I go ahead and scoop the turds along with cleanin' the cat box. I have become a regular turd tossin' chick! Um yea, now THAT's something to be proud of! That's why my house doesn't stink, anyway. But I feel better with Caramel being in at night. That way she's not all alone.

Tonight is going to be a special dinner...it's our eight month celebration. Just a little recognition thing, nothing too elaborate. I think I'm gonna go by the flower place and pick up a sunflower for Ron, 'cause that's my favorite flower an' he's muh sunflower...(puke puke mush mush)...wooooahahhaghghghhghg!

Later!

Summer's here

Well, it's about time summer started I guess. It's here and miserable. I can't WAIT to go home and swelter in my lovely hothouse. I'm lucky to not live in the dead center of the valley, where it gets really hot. At least I've got some hills around me that help keep things somewhat cool. I just wish I had a pool. I used to go swimming up at my friends house, the family I've babysat and petsat for over the years, but they recently moved to a house without a pool. Too much maintenance...can't say I blame them. Sucks for me though. Melanie's got a pool at her condo, but I really don't feel like swimming in front of all the spectators. What to do, what to do...go home and sweat. Yuck.

I almost flaked on Melanie last night. I had gotten a late start. I got home and started cleaning the house and didn't get to jogging for an hour after I was supposed to. By the time I got home, I was hot, sweaty, tired and just generally run down from the day. I didn't feel like doing laundry. I called her and she said not to feel bad, but she'd come home instead of staying late at work...just for me to come over and do laundry. She usually stays late on Mondays to finish things up. Sooooo of course I felt bad, gathered my clothes up and went over there. I'm glad I did because it's better to get some laundry done than to melt into the couch. I've saved that for tonight. I'm tired again today because I got all stoned with Melanie and then came home and stayed up kinda late watching "American Chopper" with Ron. Well...sorta watching...sorta drooling on his shoulder half asleep. But I didn't get home 'til late again. All because I didn't stick to my schedule.

I'm sad 'cause Ronnie poopie is leaving for Alaska for a WEEK this Saturday. I'm gonna miss him terribly. Hmmm, maybe Pickles gets his separation anxiety from me. I don' want 'im to GOOOOooooo!!!! I'm gonna spend next week sitting in the middle of the livingroom crying and pulling out my hair. I used to freak out when my ex had to leave for weeks at time to fight forest fires. The guy made bank on overtime during the summers because he was always on one fire or another. Here in dry ass desert land California, all the arsonists come out of the woodwork when the temp rises above 90. The shittiest thing was when he'd just be getting home from a three week fire and they'd call him to another one the next hour...so he'd pack up and be gone another three weeks. That was during the time when our relationship was going well. He was an apprentice of sorts and had to do all these fires this one particular summer. It was shitty. At the time when I actually wanted him to get the hell out on fires, he was home all the time. Naturally. But enough about the ex...

I'm really going to miss Ron. But it's good for us to be apart. I guess. I'm all attached to him right now. Oh well, it's only a week. Okay, lunchtime is over. Later...