MOOOoooooooving!

We're moooving, we're MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOviiiinngggg!!!! YAAAAY! I can't wait 'til we're in the new place! It's WONDERFUL!

Okay, that's it for now.

Cockatoo rights

After reading this, yet another heart wrenching story of neglect and self mutilation, I came across this passage written by the creator of mytoos.com. I have to say that I agree, wholeheartedly...



"I feel that this particular species should not be bred and sold. I feel that only institutions and zoos with the proper facilities should be allowed to own them. Private individuals with the means to supply huge aviaries should be licensed to keep them. As their habitat will surely one day disappear, that's still no reason for every Tom, Dick and Mary to own one. I would rather see them become extinct as to see them suffer for 75 years in a cage. And yes they WILL suffer, just as you would if placed in a prison, even a good one, for a lifetime. They will lose their owners to death.... or be abused or neglected... or shoved around to many homes... or just become a mere commodity that will wind up in a rescue somewhere. And even if they find a loving home, nothing less than free flight will free them mentally and emotionally. Again, these are INTELLIGENT, EMOTIONAL creatures unlike any other in the bird world. They are almost humans with wings, and I know a little about how that feels, and what it means to lose a big part of your life. Many of you cant understand this.


Look, I'm not someone who thinks animals have souls or natural "rights"(I don't agree with this one sentence). God himself gave us dominion over these animals, to care for and treat with compassion. We all must do what we think is right by them... but in our selfishness to "protect" them, we are really doing many of them more harm in the long run. They become prisoner companions at best."

Aaah

Happy Thursday. I'm doing much better today. It's hot this week, but I'm still up for a long jog after work. I've been in the mood to exercise a lot lately. I like how my shins don't feel like they're going to split anymore. Keeping it up for three days a week has really helped. I don't like to skip it anymore. Not to mention what it does for my mood... It's so true that exercise helps with depression.

Not doing anything on the moving front yet. I want to move so badly but am really not looking forward to the actual physical labor of moving...as can be expected. Been trying to get ahold of the damn landlord so that we can start getting some things done... We want to start taking stuff over there this coming weekend...only thing is, the landlord is out of town. He left me with the number of the other landlord, but she is not returning my calls. Of course this is making Ron all the more impatient because he's trying to get shit together. We've got refridgerators to move and get rid of, a kitchen table to pick up and couches to get rid of. Some pretty heavy duty shit that I'm really not looking forward to. Especially in this heat. It also seems like everything is in limbo again because of the move. Before it was, "Once the wedding is over..." and now it's, "Once we mooove..." AGH. I want to be DONE AND SETTLED already! I've been in a state of disruption forever! But it's going to be that way for a lot longer. We still have so much to do.

On that note, I'm done with work and outta here. BYE BYE!

Lump

I'm so bored I don't know what to write. Shouldn't be bored, lots to do. Can't wait to move, work is fine, life is fine. Nothing to update about, really. Had a great weekend with Ron and now it's time for another week alone. I'm hoping to hang out with the lady from work. She invited me over last week. Said we should hang out sometime. That'd be cool.

*sigh*

Uhhhh... I am just out of it. I wanna go home so badly. Can't. Gotta work. Gotta jog. Gotta go pooh.

Later.

Insane fan

Guess what??? I finally met Mike Patton!



HAHAHA! Yea right... The look on his face just screams, "Get this crazy bitch offa me!" Hehehehehe, first it was the scanner and now it's photoshop. It's insane what one can do with a powerful computer these days.

Simpsonize Me

HAH! It's me as a Simpson. Just go here and upload a picture of yourself. It's kind of a pain in the ass because it doesn't work about 5 times out of 10. Keep trying and it should eventually work. I did this at my brother's last night. It's just TOO silly. Look at that face!!! HAHAHA!!! I love the eyebrows, I must say. Teehee!

Toosdee

It be Toosdee. Blee blah blo. I am so... I don't know. Not able to concentrate? What else is new? I hafta do statements. I'm putting it off.

We had a great weekend. First of all, what IS it with bands that like to fuck with their fans? Just because you're a success doesn't mean you can just stand up on stage and basically pick your ass with a guitar string. Friday night I went to a Melvins concert with my brother. I was expecting some great punk. I think they played five chords the whole show. Fuckers didn't even stay on for an hour and NO ENCORE. What the fuck is THAT shit?! Assholes. It wasn't one of their better shows and unfortunately it was the first show of theirs that I'd seen. But I made it fun. I pushed myself all the way up to the front. Got flail my arms on the stage. I loved being squished and knocked around by a bunch of idiots. I was laughing hysterically as I bounced from one sweaty dork to the next. Ahhh...the lovely Troub. What a great place for a show. I love the intimacy. The band is like RIGHT THERE. Too bad they sucked this time.

Saturday was a hot, lazy day. I discovered little bruises on my thighs from the night before. Cool...battle scars. We managed to run a few errands in the morning and then spent the rest of the day lazing around. Sunday was the annual family beer bust. We had so much fun, especially Ron. He loves my big family because he comes from such a small one. It was a day of eating, drinking, beer pong and poker. I also smoked a lovely cigar. My brother Eric is part of a cigar club and I tried one of his stogies a few years back...mmmmm... Now I like to join the men and have a ceee-garrr at the family gatherings. Heh, Ron came by while I was gripping it in my teeth, trying to light it... He's all, "Yep, that's my wyyyfff!" All the while he's turning green.

This weekend can't be so lax. No...we really have to start getting serious about packing. I have to start putting things aside to bring to Good Will and such. I'm finally going to depart from the old pans, dishes and kitchen utensils that I took from my grandparents house when I first moved out on my own. I also have old blankets, comforters and towels to ditch. It's going to be so great starting out fresh! I tell you, knowing we're going to be moving has improved my overall mood so much!

I guess it's time to get on with my boring day. Fuck. I don't WANNA do statements! And then it's laundry day. AGAIN! Yea, I've put it off for another week. This morning I had no clothes to choose from. I'm almost going to have an underwear emergency. Unless I go shopping like I did last time I put off laundry. Ugh...

More phun with photoshop

I had to take a break and do this real quick... My brother had taken this picture of me rubbing my back on his door jamb. He was like, "Oh my God, it totally looks like you're taking a piss!" Welp, why not make it so?

An exercise in futility?

"Instead of writing in your blog, why don't you work on getting some digital art up?" I don't answer that it's SO MUCH easier to babble in a blog. No, instead I answer, "Yea, I should." Because I KNOW I should. But I don't. I imagine that I will be more into the art thing once we move. That's it. I'll do it when we moooooooooooove. That's the proper way to put things off, isn't it? Mmmm-hmmm, I know ALL about putting things off. It's my specialty. With that, welcome to another episode of, "I should be working, but my thoughts got in the way."

A shout out to the lovely Cathie for her continued support and to the newly confirmed lurker, Emily for coming out of the shadows. Hey girls! Thanks for saying hello. I will not whine any further. For now.

It's another entry of in between tasks. I started this about an hour ago. I should talk about something, huh. OH! The weekend! It was nice. Verr' verr' niiiiice. It was also gorgeful. That's my new word for stuffing yourself all weekend. Saturday was Ron's graduation ceremony that involved a scrumptious dinner of a big slab 'o beef, veggies and mashed potatoes with strawberry cheesecake for dessert. Luciousness. Then came Sunday with its glorious marinated, barbequed shrimp. Ron and I made FOUR POUNDS of shrimp and we, along with my brother and our friend Bam, eatithed it alluth. Peeling and de-pooping four pounds of shrimp is a big, smelly ordeal. Yea, the prep was a huge undertaking, but so worth it. And the marinade Ron put together! A coupla bottles of Italian dressing, some hot sauce, lemon juice...who knew it could be so amazing. When that man cooks, he COoOoOooks!

What else is new? One of my big fish died over the weekend. *sigh* A moment of silence for Eddie, the clown loach. Loaches are my favorite, dammit! Now poor Mike is left without a buddy to join him in aimlessly paddling up and down the walls of the tank. I will have to buy a replacement when we move. I am not taking on anything else in the weeks to come...I need to start concentrating on packing. Oh yea, moving...you hafta pack your shit before you can move it. At least I'm an expert at moving fish tanks now. I've got the 5 gallon bottles and the cooler all ready!

M'kay, this is becoming a bit TOO distracting now. I think I'll go put my full attention to the afternoons tasks. I must get these things done.

Another weekend

Hello. I'm settled with the fact that I have no regular readers of my boring life. That's not a problem, usually. Until I'm feeling lonely, that is. Then it becomes shitty. I'm so glad it's the weekend and I'll be able to spend some time with Ron. I always miss him so much by the time Friday rolls around. I've been feeling a little more isolated than usual lately. It's always the same...I don't want to go OUT and meet people, I just want them to come to me. Where are you? Come entertain me, I'm bored. I need something to distract me while I work.

So...I'm looking forward to Ron's graduation tomorrow night. I'm also looking forward to giving him his gift. He's been wanting an MP3 player for quite some time now and I got him one. Now he can block out all the idiots he works with. I guess there's going to be a nice ceremony and dinner. Woopie.

Sunday is a BBQ with my brother and another of Ron's friends. We're gonna make some butterfly shrimp, too! Ron's got a new recipe he wants to try out. It's probably going to be yet another day of overindulgence, so I've gotta get some jogging in today. I think I'm gonna go for a swim as well.

Well, happy Friday. I'm off to get something accomplished.

Flying

Shit! It's been a week already?! I guess it's time for an update. I just got in and I'm organizing my day. May as well stick an entry into my morning. This is probably going to take me about three hours to write, as I'm working in between. Like right now, I'm gonna put a pause on this and go up to get my coffee. Then I have to go over some things with the boss before she leaves for some meetings.

Okay, back to the desk... *sip* SO. It's been a fast, but good week. The biggest news is that Ron and I have found an apartment! WOOOOOOOooooHOOOOooooooo!!!! It's actually in my old building where I had my first apartment. I'm renting the back house from the same landlord and he called me up one day last week to tell me a place was available. I'd asked him a few months ago if there was anything in his area and to try to keep an eye out for me. I love the area, it's about 15 miles north of where we live now, in shitsville. A little bit further of a drive to work, but it's so worth it. We checked it out last week, it's a large one bedroom. Only $300 more than what we're paying now, for a lot more room and closet space. Enough room for two full grown adults. Think of that... It's got a walk-in closet in the bedroom, central air/heat and a DISHWASHER! Joy... Ah, but moving is going to be such a BITCH. We've got tons of things to organize and throw out. Two words...STORAGE UNITS. Ron's got two of them. But it's gonna be like Christmas in July! I'm sure he's going to rediscover things he forgot about years ago. This is going to be a nice, new beginning for us and I'm looking so forward to it...as you can imagine after all of my constant bitching about wanting to leave the craphouse I live in now. Even though it's going to be stressful, it's going to be a fun kind of stress.

In other haps, my cousin Mark (the one who introduced Ron and I) married his longtime girlfriend this past Sunday. Finally. They've been together 13 fucking years. Yep, two months ago he called Ron up and said they'd decided to up and do it. Hmmm...so I guess he just needed a kick in the ass from his best friend. It was a nice, budget wedding. Simple and lovely. We had a great time and saw quite a few of the same people who'd graced our wedding. And the food was so very good. You know what I love about salad bars? You can start out with a teeny pile of lettuce and still end up with a gargantuan salad. I love baby corn.

Yea.

Well let's see...I guess that's it for now. At least I'm in a good mood this week. Let's keep it up, shall we? I actually have to concetrate now. Work is calling. I'd like to get some things done today. I mean, DONE done. Have I mentioned how much I love working with my boss lately? She's RAD. I'm so happy she came back.

Later!

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, huh...

So the four-hundred-and-FIRST entry is much more interesting (well, to me anyway) than its predecessor. I stumbled across this article on msn this morning and found it quite interesting... This makes so much sense to me. Maybe I CAN deal with my anxiety disorder and its resulting depression on my own...someday. Thanks there, lil 'ol Hara Estroff Marano...

Q: What is the best way to deal with depression and anxiety?

A: Quickly and definitively. Whatever kicks them off, depression and anxiety both are maintained by styles of thinking that magnify the initial insult and alter the workings of the brain in such a way that the longer an episode exists, the less it takes to set off future episodes.

Anxiety and depression are probably two faces of the same coin. Surveys have long shown that 60 percent to 70 percent of people with major depression also have an anxiety disorder, and half of those suffering anxiety also exhibit clinical depression symptoms.

The stress response system is overactive in both disorders. Excess activity of the stress response system sends emotional centers of the brain into overdrive so that negative events make a disproportionate impact and hijack rational response systems. You literally can’t think straight. You ruminate over and over about the difficulties and disappointments you encounter until that’s all you can focus on. (YES! THAT'S HOW IT FEELS!!!)

Researchers believe that some people react with anxiety to stressful life events, seeing danger lurking ahead everywhere—in applying for a job, asking for a favor, asking for a date. And some go beyond anxiety to become depressed, a kind of shutdown in response to anticipated danger. People who have either condition typically overestimate the risk in a situation and underestimate their own resources for coping. (OH MAN am I guilty of this!)

Rather than developing the skills to handle situations that make them uncomfortable, sufferers merely avoid what they fear. (Uh-huh *cough* art career *cough*) Often enough, a lack of social skills is at the root. Some types of anxiety—panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and social phobia—are particularly associated with depression.

The fact that anxiety usually precedes the development of depression presents a huge opportunity for the prevention of depression. Young people especially are not likely to outgrow anxiety on their own; they need to be taught specific mental skills.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) gets at response patterns central to both conditions. And the drugs most commonly used against depression have also been proven effective against an array of anxiety disorders.

Although medication and CBT are equally effective in reducing anxiety/depression, CBT is better at preventing return of the disorder. Patients like it better, too, because it allows them to feel responsible for their own success. (That would be nice.) What’s more, the active coping that CBT encourages creates new brain circuits that circumvent the dysfunctional response pathways.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches people to monitor the environment for the troubling emotional land mines that seem to set them off. That actually changes metabolic activity in the cortex, the thinking brain, to modulate mood states. It works from the top down. Drugs, by contrast, work from the bottom up, modulating neurotransmitters in the brainstem, which drive basic emotional behaviors.

Treatment with CBT averages 12 to 15 weeks, and patients can expect to see significant improvement by six weeks. Drug therapy is typically recommended for months, if not years.
Exercise is an important adjunct to any therapy. (Uh-huh...YES) Exercise directly alters levels of neurohormones involved in circuits of emotion. It calms the hyperactivity of the nervous system and improves function of the brain's emotion-sensing network. It also improves the ability of the body to tolerate stress. What’s more, it reduces negative thinking and changes people’s perception of themselves, providing a sense of personal mastery and positive self-regard.

Hmmmm...

HOW many??

Wow, apparently this is my 400th post. Amazing. I didn't know I had it in me. I had no idea I could spew so much bullshit into cyberspace. Ah, but here I am. Wasting time... Well, it's more like waking up. I'm having the most difficult time waking up this morning. Got into work, got a few things organized, made coffee...now I'm trying to start my first project of the day and decided to write a blog entry instead. Even though I have nothing to talk about. I read other blogs that talk about politics, pertinent issues of the time, news, amazing life events or just plain great humor. What do I have? Hmmm... "Today I'm gonna go jogging." "Today I'm gonna do laundry." "That bitch hurt my feelings." "Look at my stupid doodles." Fascinating, I know.

Actually, I DO have some news. I'm so proud of Ron. In a few weeks he's going to be graduating. He has completed his four year electricians apprenticeship program! He's been working very hard and it's finally going to start paying off for him. The actual ceremony is on July 21st. I want to do something special for him, but I'm not quite sure what that is yet. I wanna surprise him... Muh lil' kewdie. I hope this means that someday soon, maybe in the next year or so, he'll be able to start working days. I'm SO TIRED of this schedule of his. Now that the schooling is over, he's going to be working late every night during the week. He used to have class on Wednesdays and get home a little early... Now it's FIVE nights of lonliness. Just more time for me to find things to do. There's plenty to do.

Hmmm...what else? Gawd, I feel so blah. I shouldn't write entries when I'm feeling so terribly blah. I think that means I should get back to work. The coffee's kickin' in. I gotta pee. Maybe I'll be back later to write about my navel.

Red, white and poo

Happy day after July 4th. It sucks the holiday had to land right smack in the middle of the week. I would have enjoyed another long weekend. The day was nice, although hot. Welcome to another blistering summer. Maybe we'll get lucky and move into a place with central air conditioning. We had the little window unit pumping away yesterday so my brother, mister-runs-hot-and-starts-to-sweat-when-the-temp-gets-above-65, would be comfortable when he came over to give us our wedding gift...a new BBQ! He came over and put it together so that we could have our holiday BBQ on it. It was a nice time and my brother and Ron got some time to do a little male bonding. Awww... No, we didn't go see fireworks. Too many people, not enough patience.

Nothing much else going on this week. Finally managed to do laundry on MONDAY. Yes, I put it off for the rest of last week and through the weekend before I just did the shit. Oh the piles and piles I had to put away yesterday. I'm feeling better emotionally, but physically not so well. I think I might be coming down with a summer cold. Not a good idea to sit too long in front of the freezing air conditioner. I fell asleep with it blasting last night and woke up in the middle of the night freezing. This morning I was feeling okay, but as the day goes on I'm getting snifflier and snifflier. I've also got a blasted headache. OUCH. The work I'm doing today isn't helping, either. I've had to re-size about a jillion pictures for our website. UGH. sOoOoOoOo tEeEeEeEeEedius. I'm about ready to go home now...an hour early. That would be nice. I shall go home and rest. I've been so lazy in terms of exercise this week. I'd been doing so well but with this heat I haven't had energy at all! And dnow I tink I'mb geddin-guh SICK. WHAHH!!!

Well that's all for another exciting entry. Back to re-sizing a few more pics until my eyeballs DO fall out of my head.

Later.

Well, the days go by

And I still feel kinda shitty. Today is feeling better than yesterday, at least. Not quite so down. I swear, I had absolutely NO energy yesterday. My jog was pathetic. I could barely keep up the pace. Then I went home and just crashed. Maybe it had something to do with getting my blood drawn yesterday morning. I figured it was about time to check on the status of things. I should check on my cholesterol and such, just to be on the safe side. I also went to the doctor to check on my meds. The mood swings have not been settling down and I've been very hard on myself and others...*cough* Ron *cough* So I'm gonna go ahead and up them for the next few months. I figure, what the hell, why be miserable if I don't have to be?

Speaking of miserable, today is laundry day again. Oh joyous of joys. I can't possibly put it off another day. *sigh* The boring monotany that is day to day life. I hate chores. Ah, but I should count myself lucky that I'm even alive another day to do chores. I should be happy that I HAVE chores. Right? I guess I'd rather have monotany than total turmoil. Wasn't that ME complaining a few months ago about how everything was so INSANE? Now that it's calmed down I find myself restless again.

Everything is going to be fine. AAAAAAAaaaand repeat...

Wow, I haven't posted on a Sunday in ages. Here are some of my favorite drawings. Most have been posted at one time or another. One is new, found an old sketch book. Anyway, it's been somewhat of a stormy weekend in terms of mood. It's been kinda sad.

In conclusion...

Yep, still in the birdy mood. I found some lllloverly parrot pics yesterday... Lookit tha perdy scarlet macaws! I love it when they're all fluffy on the perch like that. Just relaxin' away, they is. AWWWwww!!!

Thought about my lil' 'ol situation with the friend last night. Like I said, we have been living different lives for a long time now. She has got a lot on her plate and I have to accept that. If she can't hang out when she visits, that's her choice. I have to give her room and not get all pissy and whiney because it's such a waste of energy. I swear, I could light a medium city for three months with the amount of energy I waste on all these emotions!

Now for the self pep talk...

This anger toward my friend is caused by one simple thing... Insecurity. I keep thinking she's mad at me, or I did something terribly wrong. There is nothing wrong. Let it go. And the stupid letter I wrote to whoreface the other day... I hate that I still have such insecurity that causes such terrible jealousy. What the fuck do I care if she doesn't talk to me any more? It's gone on long enough. It's HER loss, not mine. Again, she's a totally different person than I am. I am not a dork or stupid... Who fucking CARES! Heh, yea Zen... Don't let 'em rent space in my head!

Who's pissing me off now?

In the birdie mood today... I just re-did my MEEEEEEspace page with perty blue hiacynth macaws. I needed a change.

So what's going on this week? It was another nice weekend. No major upsets or anything! Anyway, I'm so relieved to have a new person to help at work. It's even better that she happens to be very nice, efficient, English is her first language AAAAAaand she's POLITE. No more insults from the old shipping lady. The old Philippino shipping lady (the boss' half sister) had left for many months, as she was going to retire in the Philippines. Well, things changed in her relationship with the hubby and we needed her help back here soooo...back she came! With her insults, too! It's so nice to hear how much weight you've gained since you got engaged/married, isn't it? I have gotten better at firing back to her though...mostly friendly fire. I just tell her I'm aware of the weight gain and I'm happy with my body thankyouverymuch. The thing is, she's not the brightest bulb, you know? She doesn't realize how tactless she is. It's pointless to get angry at her 'cause she's basically a nice lady who is set in her ways.

Okay now, so how about the latest in friends who let me down? I know, who's pissing me off now... Well, lemme tell ya! I've been insulted by a longtime friend this time. We've been friends since high school. She's always been a sort of difficult person to get along with. It doesn't help that I put her on this pedistal... She's either very sweet and saying or writing the nicest things to me or she's rude as hell. But some people are like that. Since we met on swim team in tenth grade, we've certainly had our ups and downs. I chose to deal with it because she was such a cool and interesting person to me back then. Many of the downs had to do with jealousy (there's that ugly word again!) on my part. You know, the typical insecure lame shit...the ugly duckling next to the gorgeous, popular blonde. I have to say that by the end of high school, she really did help me feel better about myself. We had a great summer before she left for college.

Her leaving for college was just the beginning. She didn't have the greatest childhood and wanted to get out of her home town. I can't say I blame her there! I admire that she has been travelling abroad and studying ever since. She comes to visit her parents and old friends about once or twice a year. Things were fine with the occasional visits and nice birthday cards up until wedding planning started. We'd had a wonderful visit last August and then came the holidays. I wondered why she cancelled our get together at the last minute before she had to leave...she left me a message on my cell. I got peeved and didn't call her back. Then I received an email explaining that things really DID come up and she just didn't have time to visit with me and...why would she want to spend her precious little time at home visiting with someone who didn't even CONSIDER her as a bridesmaid? And so the email argument ensued. Well gee, as I mentioned before, I see her once or twice a year if I'm lucky... My favorite line from one of her emails, "I thought I was your real friend..." 'Kay. If YOU'RE my REAL friend...shit, I shudder to think. Her even MENTIONING something like that to me, in the rude manner that she did, finally took her off of that pedistal I'd put her on so many years before. I really shouldn't be insulted. This was BOUND to happen. We've been going in different directions for years! She's adventurous, bold and brave...I am afraid of change, nervous and scared to leave this place that I've been wanting to leave for SO LONG. I admire her, I really do. It's just time to let her go as well...

Some more backround while I'm at it... She's the one with the 13 year old autistic brother who has really taken to me over the past year. He's a sweetheart and very into pets. I've taken my birdies to their house had a couple of play dates with him...with and without his sister being there. Then he got my phone number. I'm not sure if I or his sister gave it to him, but he has been calling almost every day for the past 8 months or so. I've talked to his parents and to him, trying to get him to call less but it hasn't helped. Of course, he is autistic and it's not his fault. Now I take advantage of caller i.d... I do enjoy talking to him, when I'm in the mood. But not every single day. Or even every single week! I don't even talk to my best friend that much! And I hate talking on the phone! But it's not fair to take my bad feelings for his sister out on him... He called the other morning at 7:30, as I was getting ready for work. I've told him before not to call me in the morning or past 9 at night. He needs reminders of course because he just doesn't have the capacity to understand time and such... That particular morning I was in a bad mood 'cause...well, I HATE mornings. So I was a little short with him and told him I'd call him back later. I didn't get home 'til late and forgot to call him. He called again the next day to tell me that the reason for his morning call was that his sister was home. Oh goodie! So I talked to him some and then his sister. Turns out she's got a paid internship in New York! Yaayy! I'm very happy for her because she's worked her ASS off for it... So she'll only be in town for a little while, she's not sure how long, before it's off to New York for the summer. Gone again. Yea.

Weekend goes by, she and I had sorta discussed touching bases on Monday. Her brother calls Monday evening and we talk awhile. I ask to speak to his sister so we can discuss getting together before she goes again. I hear him asking her...then he gets back on and tells me she's busy visiting with her grandparents that she hasn't seen in a long time. The same grandparents, I think, that she told me she was visiting for two weeks this past month. I'm not sure though... I ask if tomorrow night is good. I hear him ask and then, "Well, she's really busy..." She didn't even get on the phone with me. So I told her brother to have her call me when she has the time....BUH BYE...

I don't know... I think I'm being too sensitive again. But last time I checked, SHE was my friend and not her 13 year old brother. Oh, but she made it to my wedding! She made sure to point that out in a recent email. It was a lot for her, I have to admit. She was 8 hours away, writing a thesis and getting ready to graduate for a two year program. Plus I'd mentioned I'd try to make it to her graduation...that was right after my wedding. Who the fuck was I kidding?! But I really should have at least sent a card. I did purchase a card and gift a few weeks ago when I finally had time. I was going to give it to her when we got together this month. I felt guilty and emailed her telling her thank you for coming and all that...and also sent her a thank you for the lovely gift... I don't know if she got either though, 'cause she was supposed to be in New York and then in Arizona at her grandparents during the past few weeks.

So there you have it. The long, boring story. Gawd, women are so lame! We have all these damn *feelings*. I'm just going to leave the ball in her court. Leave her alone. Let her be mad at me for whatever it is I did. And NOT take it out on her little brother.

THE END.

Pretties

Well, good 'ol Zen is at it again! These bracelets are her latest works. Aren't they GORGEOUS?! Look at the little birdie!!! I love them, she sent them to me as a wedding gift. She is the sweetest thing. I still owe her a fairy painting! Shit, I really have to get back on the art. The fairy painting is the perfect way to do it. I just have to find a nice painting place... Thank you, Zen!

Then we have the wedding bling I never showed you. A better picture of my engagement ring, too. Ron was so romantic. He bought the set together when we got engaged in November 2005. He kept the wedding ring hidden from me for a year and a half! I was ssssooooo surprised to see it when he slipped it on my finger during the ceremony. Many people told me how they say the split-second expression of awe on my face! It's such a beautiful set, I love it. So elegant and simple, my favorite!

So there you have it, the jewelry I'm wearing today. Happy Friday!

What are you so mad at?

I don't know. For some reason, lately... I can't help myself. I keep flipping people off. Mostly people driving like shitheads...while I'm trying to cross the street. Some dude turns right in front of me before I can step off the curb to cross. *flip* Some asshole punks gun the engine at a stop sign and start to go as I step off the curb to cross? This one was particularly bad...I didn't just *flip*, no, I ran out and jumped in front of the car as it came to a screeching halt a foot in front of me and *flip*... I'm going to get myself KILLED! There is an anger inside that won't stop. Well, it's simply GOT to stop. Going around flipping people off isn't exactly going to solve anything, now is it?

How 'bout I try another way of releasing my anger? How about writing a letter? I've seen it done on countless diaries and blogs. Here goes:

Dear Prick Driver:

Is it too much to ask that you be the least bit considerate of the people around you? Obviously, it is. I hate you. I wish I could launch a granade (from a safe distance, of course) into your precious BMW/Mercedes/Hummer/Explorer/Escalade/trendy new Mustang and watch the lovely shower of shrapnel. That's not an option, unfortunately. Instead, I must learn to deal with your repeated rudeness. You're so important, aren't you? Gotta get where you're goin'! Gotta make more money for yourself! Take Take Take! FUCK YOU.

Sincerely,

Seacreature

And how about another one to that fucking whore I can't seem to take off of my MEMEMEspace friends list. All she does is piss me off now. I simply MUST get over it. I'm a million times the person she is. I don't understand this strange obsession I have with her. Well, it's probably because I'm jealous of her. I've gotta let this go. Why is this still hurting me? I know...now that all the wedding shit is over, I'm back to the same old dork. Pondering things that I can do nothing about.

Ahem...

Dear Whoreface,

Hi, remember me? We used to email back and forth all the time...until you joined MEMEMEspace and turned into a major attention whore. I have to admit, at first I thought you were the typical spoiled blonde. Little miss married to her boyfriend from sixth grade, popped out kids at 20, never had to work a day in her life...*eyeroll* Then as we talked, I found out that you have had plenty of hard times. You lost your sister, something I could never claim to understand, your mom is a psycho bitch from hell, you were broke...A LOT. I gained some respect for you, especially in learning that you homeschool your boys. I was also happy to find out that you love pets, especially birds, and that you have an artistic sense and like to paint.

I really enjoyed our emails and thought we were building a sort of friendship. You especially helped me through a very tough time with my ex. I thought maybe someday we'd get to hang out because we certainly seemed to have a lot in common. And the way you always said you "loved" me and that we were like "twins" all the time. I felt like I had finally made a new friend. It would have been great to have gone camping with you and your family. I know you live like, 8 hours away, you have a family and travelling far isn't something that's all that feasible but... I thought there might be a chance we could meet halfway or something. You even told me a few years ago that you might be able to have me come up for my birthday.

Then you joined MEMEMEspace. The emails quickly dwindled to almost nothing because you were now too busy making all sorts of new friends to bother with me. I had been on the site before and had taken down my profile because I thought it wasn't something for me. Well it certainly was for you! I decided to join up again 'cause, well, it IS addicting and fun. Somewhat. But it's still not really all that great to me. Heh...and I SAY I hate trends yet there I am with a stupid profile back up. Anyway, now I'm lucky if I get the occasional one or two-sentence message from you about one of my posts or pictures. You're still cool to me, but it's not like it was before.

Now you've got so many friends, many of which seem to adore you. And they're all in your town so you all get to go out and party, camp and have fun all the time...up north in that beautiful area you live in. In your big, beautiful house, in that lovely neighborhood that's so close to nature. You don't have to work. You just get up and take care of your boys and your big house full of pets. Then you sit on MEEEspace and spruce up your page, which I can't even stand to look at because it's full of tons of pictures of you having fun with all of your tons of friends. And your husband works during the DAY and comes home to you at night. I'm jealous because I wish I had that kind of life. I know, it always looks better from afar. I know I sound so stupid, especially since I've written to you a couple of times about the way I feel and have gotten very mediocre responses. I really should just give up and delete you. I don't know why I always open your bulletins, just to sneer at them...at the way they sound so completely OPPOSITE of what you seemed to be a few years ago.

I guess you ARE the typical blonde I thought you were at first. I feel so stupid for thinking you were anything else. Thanks for hurting me.

Sincerely,

The ever-insecure Seacreature

Hmmm...that was nice. Didn't really help though. Just made me more depressed. I'd better get back to work.