Amazing things you can do with a laptop

Wow, I just paid my Sprint bill online, while sitting on the toilet takin' a shit.  Amazing, isn't it?  I love this thing.  

"Snowstorm" in California

Well hey, it's been another week already. Since I don't have much to talk about but the same crap, I think I will share the pictures from our little snowboarding adventure in Big Bear last month. I witnessed my first "snowstorm" on the way home. It was kinda scary...

First we have the beautiful slopes. The storm was below us for much of the day.



Then there are the lovely Big Bear accomodations for you to eat your $35 hamburger at...



Uh oh! Storm's comin' in, we'd better leave now! This was around 2 p.m. We'd been there since 8 a.m. so we wuz DUUnnnn...



Perdy...

*Gasp* It's starting to snow!







Oh dear...





Drive, Ron, DRIVE!





Slushies onna wind-ah...



Slushies onna wind-shiiiieeeellddd...



And then, after an hour and a half of sitting in snow traffic...



LOooooooooooks like we MAAAAAAAAAAADE IIIIIiiiiiiit!! Thanks, Barry. *whew*

And that is all for this entry. Oh wait...I posted this kewt pikkture ov Henry man on shitspace and I forgot to put it here, too.



Just lookidim. He did this all by himself. He also knows how to open the sliding door in the hallway. *sigh* Smart cats are a blessing and a curse.

Let's give it another try...

This is Fred the shrimp. Ethel is on the bottom and not visible in this picture. These are the shrimp that have been living in the little eco-globe I've had on my desk for the past two years. The algea that had clouded the sides for the past 6 months just sloughed off one day a few weeks ago and it's been crystal clear like this ever since. I love my little self-contained eco-globe thingy. Melanie gave it to me for my birthday. Every day I take a little break to watch Fred and Ethel do their little shrimpy thing. They get the food they need from the microbes and bacteria in the saltwater and the little tiny clump of algea. The algea also serves as the generator of their oxygen. Cleaning is done by the beneficial nitrifying bacteria, who convert the wastes given off by shrimp into less harmful chemicals. It's a perfect balance and it's beautiful.

The reason I decided to show off my little globe today? Well, I've decided to try my hand (and brain, and patience, and MONEY) at a saltwater aquarium again. Last time I attempted was five years ago, while I was living with my ex. He bought most of the equipment I needed (and didn't waste a second making me feel guilty about it if he wanted something from me) the last time around, so I didn't really get the right stuff. Plus, I had to leave the whole thing when I left him. This time, I've got a nice set up of my own. Uh, not quite set up though. I had to remove the freshwater set up that was in the tank first. Did that on Sunday and brought my surviving fishies to the store I trust for credit. I decided to do this because my tank has been a death trap since I got a snail break out in it about four months ago. Got this stuff called "Had a snail"... Riiight. It helped kill them, but it didn't get rid of ALL OF THEM. You have to kill every LAST ONE of those fuckers 'cause they're asexual. So they'd slowly start coming back and I'd add some more of the chemical to kill them. Their little shelled corpses slowly collected in my gravel. Corpses plus new, waste producing adults, were making my tanks ammonia levels go through the roof. I was gonna have to take the whole thing down anyway, because of the damn snails and the fact that I was bored with it.

Another deciding factor has to do with my friend, Bam. He's got a couple of nice buddies who opened up an aquarium shop in my area. He's been telling me to check it out for at least six months. I FINALLY made my way there this past weekend and was so glad I did. These people, along with the other fish store I trust, are going to help me a lot this time. I almost had it right the last time, I just wasn't patient enough and had some shitty equipment. This time, I'm going to take my time. I'm going to get the best equipment...I'm going to invest all I can so that I can get the result I want. I'm gonna go for the live corals. But that's probably not gonna happen for at least a year or two. I have to let the tank run empty (with live rock only) for the next four to six months. So this week I'm bleaching my tank. By Friday I should be ready to fill the tank with saltwater and get my equipment running. Then I'll be headed to the shop to start accumulating the 30 pounds of cured live rock I will need as my biological filter. Yea, I'm gonna go all fish nerd. WOO! This is gonna be fun!

I almost forgot!

Here are the latest sketches for the book...





I got together with the writer and colorist a few weeks ago to see how things were going. The colorist brought the drawings she'd finished and they were gorgeous. She's doing a beautiful job and I can't wait to see it all put together!

It's been done

This morning...we canned her. I felt bad, I even cried...but it just had to be done. We would have done it last week, but she was out sick until today. Last Wednesday she said she felt like shit, so I didn't think anything of it because she says she feels like shit every day. Turns out, she actually had the flu! So it gave my boss and I ample time to discuss her dismissal, look for a new person, interview a new person (THIS time it's a referral from a close friend) and train the new person. She'll be coming in a few more times for training and she'll officially start working here in two weeks. Wow. We're sneaky little bitches, aren't we?

Soon-to-be-let-go came in looking all gaunt and exhausted, with the usual scowl on her face. I was cordial, until my boss came in and sat her down for the talk. I felt all sorts of nervous and sad so I made a quick exit to the kitchen to make my coffee. I was still in earshot and heard my boss apologizing and her explaining her situation, through tears. Seems the troubles keeping her from doing her job properly are a little bigger than I thought. You were right, Witty, I don't think she is going to live in that mansion forever. Seems they're going to have to sell. Say it with me now, AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! I DO feel bad for them, it must be hard to have to scale down. But it's difficult for me to feel bad for anyone who owns a home in Californa right now. I'm just a little blinded by envy that I know I must get over. For now I'm gonna be a bitch... Awe, you're gonna have to sell and get something smaller, possibly without a yard the size of a baseball field. Boo-fucking-Hoo. Their house is not in forclosure or anything, they're just having a hard time because her husbands business is not doing that well. Not as well as he was doing when he worked for a big company, anyway. He was let go from that job, in the same industry, a few years back and decided to start his own business. Well, times change, businesses change, industries change...it sucks. But life must go on, huh.

I think that she was working just so they could keep up the lifestyle. I mean, you could tell little missy was used to the finer things in life. Well, not as fine as SOME, but... I had been to that giant house and saw that they were want for nothing. Sure, the kids are going to private school, the kids each have their own rooms filled with toys, there is nice furniture and antiques, missy charged lunch on the credit card almost every day, got her nails done...didn't look at all like they were struggling. It's because things have been going downhill for them, as they do for many people. They couldn't afford their lifestyle and keep that house as well. Yea. Boo-fucking-Hoo. It happens to the best of us, eh? Good thing her husband has a good head on his shoulders, right? Yea, count your blessings. We've all got problems. At least I don't have to hear about hers anymore.

Scrunch up yer face...

...and do a lil' dance, shake a lil' turd out the bottom of yer pa-ants!

Such beautiful lyrics, don't you think? Heard that on the radio the other morning and almost swallowed my cigarette. What would we do without artists? It'd be a boring, boring world...

I couldn't FIND him!

Toby flew off my shoulder and into the bedroom. I shooed the cats away and looked for him on the floor, on the window, on the pictures...
"Toby? Where ARE you Toby?! TOBY???!!! Where ARE YOU?
Nothing. No answer. No chirps. No buzzes. No beeps.
Silence...
...
...
...
...
...
OH THERE HE IS!!!


Little turd watched me searching for him for about ten minutes. And no, that's not a giant bag of weed behind him, it's actually a birds nest.
Yea. I had to share. He's such a darling liddle birdie bird.

That, and I had a nice rest of the week. Crazy woman was out sick yesterday and today so we got a much needed break from her incessant screaming. We also got a chance to interview another person for her position. A friend of a cousin... Nice girl, I think we're going to hire her. But first we gotta send missy packing. It's s'posed to go down on Monday. Let's see how it goes... *gulp*

Have a great weekend, ya'll.

A reminder

I found something today that really touched my heart...

I've had this little pink box in the back seat of my car forever, one of the few stragglers from the move. It usually resides in the closet or under the bed and it hasn't quite made it back there. This little box contains a few items from childhood, religious items. Holy cards, a crystal rosary, my very first bible, all from my First Communion when I was 7 years old. These items brought me back...didn't help that I was listening to Sirus and there happened to be a hip hop song playing...Heavy D. and the Boyz...I listened to them when I was 12.

As I sorted through, I came upon some more holy cards...these were different though. These were collected by my paternal grandmother, Antoinette. I miss her so. There were also various medals, Catholic medals of course. And then there were the pictures. Pictures from the 80s. Pictures of my family, my extended family, mama's old friends... And my uncle Alan. A Navy picture, I don't think he was more than 19. My uncle passed away from AIDS in 1991. He's another one I miss so much. Seeing that picture made my heart break and my eyes instantly fill with tears. Then I turned it over and read the prayer:

Who, Me?

I need to be forgiven
So many times a day
So often do I slip and fall
Be Merciful, I pray!
And help me not be Critical
When others faults I see
For so many times, my Lord
The same faults are in me.
Sound familiar? Just read the last entry over. This little discovery fell into place with so many other little things that have been happening for me lately. Good things. Things that have made me think seriously about where my life is going. I think I've hit some sort of milestone or something. It's like, I can see what I need to do...and for once I'm excited! NOT scared! Thank you for the reminder...

So I guess I've resigned myself

To being completely irritated by this woman.  This morning's conversation (whilst I prepared the morning coffee, 'cause she refuses to do so 'cause she doesn't know how 'cause her husband makes such WUNderful coffee in the morning do you think I've started to over use parenthesis?) went as follows:

Her: "I ME I I I I ME ME ME I ME II MEMEMEMEMEME IIIII!!!!!!"

Me: "Oh, really?  That's nice.  Oh, okay.  Hmmm...  Isn't that something..."

Her: "I HAFTA DO THIS AND I HAFTA DO THAT AND WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS AND I'M GONNA DO THAT AND I HAFTA AND I NEED TO AND IIIII MEMEMEMEE I ME IIII MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: "Well, could you please..." 

*interruption*  

Still Me: "I NEED STAMPS, GO GET THEM WHEN YOU ARE OUT..." 

*interruption*

 ..."when you are out..." 

*interruption* 

..."WHEN YOU ARE OUT RETURNING THE WRONG INK CARTRIDGE THAT YOU ORDERED (*I'm thinking* AND GOT ALL PISSED OFF ABOUT [for a change] BECAUSE THEY SENT THE WRONG ONE), PLEASE STOP BY THE POST OFFICE AND BUY STAMPS. Thank you."

Her: "Okay...  III MEMEME I ME I ME II MEMEME III ME I ME..."

Me: "I'm gonna go downstairs now and get my shit started..."

Didn't hear her answer.  Had to get the fuck away.  I'll probably find out today about how much longer I have to put up with this shit.

Oh yea, and what did I say the other day?  That Ron and I would probably talk and shit?  Well, we did and it felt good, again.  I can say that we are making progress.  It just takes dedication and work, like anything else of worth.  And time.  And medication.  

YEA MEDS!  YOU ROCK!  I had to go one more evening without them.  I got there too late on Friday.  They close at five.  When I saw that the pharmacy was closed, I started to breathe heavy and felt a panic coming on...  I called Ron and started whining in his ear.  His sober response, though uncomfortable to hear at that particular time, actually helped me to calm down.  Not before I snapped at him, of course.  "Thanks for your wonderful understanding, darling.  Good bye..." It helped me calm down enough to gather my wits. I found some people still there at the front desk downstairs from the pharmacy.  I calmly explained my dilemma and they tried to help me, but everyone had left the pharmacy department for the day.  With that, I thanked them for their help and went foggily on my way. Oh well, I could live through another dizzy evening, I would just spend it in bed.  I drove home, focusing all of my energy (or as much as I could, anyway) on being calm.

Saturday morning I got my pills, downed a couple and waited for the dizzy, irritable, confused fog in my head to go away.  I tried to avoid fighting with Ron at that time, but it was inevitable.  We fought, but I feel like we gained something.  Because when we'd calmed down and discussed, he said some things that made a lot of sense.  Ah, but saying is one thing and doing is another.  That's where consistency comes in.  I have to be consistent, both in seeing that he respects my wishes AND seeing that I respect his.  Well, the ones that make sense to me, anyway.  HAHAHAHA!  

Okay, I must get on with my day.  I needed to get this out before I got to working.  On to another day of my phone ringing and hearing, "I JUST WANTED TO CHECK WITH YOU, TO MAKE SURE I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FUCK ANYTHING UP, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.  YOU KNOW I ALWAYS WANT TO CHECK WITH YOU..."  Even though I've told her no less than five thousand times how to do almost every task she's asked me about.  For the love of God, the universe and all that is beautiful and sacred, please give me the strength to be patient with this bitch *cough* nice person.

The End.

Then there's the nutjob at work

'Kay...'member the lady we hired at my job to help us with packing, invoicing and answering the phones?  Well, she's not working out too great for us.  I think we're gonna hafta shit can her.  And as much as she irritates me, I do feel bad about it.  It's a love (or rather like)/hate situation with her.  When she started here, I was so excited to have a new person to talk to at this place.  That was my first big mistake...talking to her...or at least TRYING to.  She is the type of person who talks so much that it seriously impedes her ability to get anything done.  She doesn't LISTEN, either.  

I mean, abrasive personality aside, it's gotten to the point where her mistakes are becoming too much and if she is allowed to continue, she will seriously fuck up our business.  She is simply not able to do the job that is required of her.  She can't multitask worth a shit, she's easily overwhelmed, she's afraid to answer the phone and she can't finish a task to full and correct completion.  It's very difficult to do all this new work I have to do, when the person doing my old job is still unable to do it...after SEVEN months.

*sigh*

Isn't it interesting the lessons life teaches us?  Sometimes it takes awhile, but things always tend to come around full circle in one way or another.  Five years ago, I was in her position.  I can completely empathize with her, as I made many of the mistakes she has made.  And my bosses made me feel just as awful about myself when I fucked up.  The big difference is that I regretted my mistakes, apologized and made sure I did a better job.  I LEARNED from my mistakes.  I realized that no matter what, this was my JOB and I needed it to survive!  Of course, no one is perfect.  I got lucky because the company was in a different place when I started here.  It was much slower.  Now that things have picked up so much, we need a competent person to do this job.  Someone we don't have to check up on all the time.

It's funny because just this past Monday, I mentioned to my boss that I wasn't sure this woman was going to work out for us.  I only mentioned it because the colorist for the book I'm working on is out of a job right now.  She's an intelligent woman who seems like she'd do a better job.  She has LISTENING skills!  I swear, never in my life have I ever understood what an actual skill listening is!  But we need someone for the long haul.  The job is not too glamorous, so we need to right person, one who won't want to leave after a few months.

I feel terrible for not liking this woman, but I can't take it anymore.  She is a sweetheart, basically a good person, but so unbelievably STUPID and OBNOXIOUS that it's making me not want to be around her at all.  I've enjoyed our conversations some days, but most of the time it's all about her.  And she BUTTS IN constantly, so you can't even finish your thought.  She'll jump in and finish it for you, often before she even knows what you're getting at!  Oh, and she's LOUD AS ALL HELL.  The woman does not know how to speak below 150 decibels!  I always have to take the phone away from my ear when she calls me to ask one of the same questions she's asked 60,000 times before.  It literally makes me wince...  The worst thing is that she's got uncontrolled anxiety disorder...and EYE KNOW what I'm talking about.  I have seen, first hand now, what I can become if I let my anxiety get out of hand.  The smallest things make her totally fly off the handle...  She said she used to be on meds, but got off of them because she was feeling better.  Typical...  

Another thing that really annoys the hell out of me is the fact that she sounds so ungrateful all the time.  She is always complaining about her kids, her husband, her life is so hard blah blah BLAH.  So the woman had a bad marriage to a drug addict 15 years ago and she is trying to annul that marriage so that her current husband can become Catholic and they can get married in the Church.  Ugh.  I'm sorry, but the Catholic Church is a PAIN IN THE ASS.  They're making her dig up her past and it's made her even more anxious and less able to think about her job.  It's like, NEWS FLASH, that's in the PAST!  I know it's hard to dig it up things, but you have to have a better attitude about it.  She acts like it all went downhill from her ex.  NO!  It didn't!  You met a great guy who gave you two lovely children, A HUGE HOME, STABILITY AND HE DOES THE FUCKING DISHES.  What more do you want?!  The ex is GONE!  Just rehash it to the fucking church and CHILL THE GODDAMN FUCK OUT! 

I would give my right tit to have a husband who would put up with as much SHIT as this woman puts her husband through!  Well, paint me green with jealousy 'cause my husband is never home, her husband  works from home and is always there at her beck and call.  She forgot her lunch?  No problem, hubby will drop it by.  She forgot the checkbook, no problem, hubby will drop it by.  She forgot to pick up the roast for dinner?  No problem, hubby will pick it up.  Oh, but he's an asshole because he hangs up on her all the time.  Gee, can we say COPING MECHANISM?!  If she screamed at me over the phone all the time, I'd hang up on her ass, too!  Then we have the house they live in.  Can we say HUH-EEWWWGE???  I don't think I'm EVER going to be able to afford a fucking one bedroom shack in California and here she is with a 5 bedroom, 3 bath 3200 square foot FORTRESS.  And she and my rich boss are always talking about real estate and shit because my boss happens to be doing her 1.2 million dollar piece of shit house over.  Meaning, tearing it to the ground an rebuilding it.  The woman lived in a 4 story 10,000 square foot mansion in Poland.  This house doesn't even come close to meeting her grand standards...

AnYwAy...I'm such a bitch.  You can't blame me though, this woman is an obnoxious little troll with halitosis.  She cannot do her job right.  She talks your ear off, doesn't even know what she's talking about half the time, is your typical spoiled, stupid American, SCREAMS everything she says, talks about coddling her children, gets terribly defensive whenever we discover yet ANOTHER mistake, breaks down crying, yelling, carrying on...  UGH!  She hasn't been in the work force for 15 years, so she has NO idea how to use a computer...yesterday she called my computer a SERVER for Chrissakes!!!!  She doesn't seem to know how good she has it here.  She would not have lasted NEARLY as long at a bigger company...or at most other companies, for that matter.  She talks incessantly about how much the boss bothers her, how much the boss is condescending toward her, blah blah blah blah blah.  I try to advise her not to let the boss get her so upset, that she should respect the woman, that she's just that way and DEAL WITH IT LIKE AN ADULT, YOU MORON!!!!!

Okay, I think I'm done venting.  We are in the process of looking for someone else.  Yesterday, she had another one of her conniption fits when we pointed out several mistakes she'd made on recent invoices.  Crying, clutching her face, loudly protesting that she SWEARS SHE DID IT RIGHT!!!!  At one point she was even standing at her desk, mumbling through tears and bubbles that her life was just too hard, this was too much to take, in addition to school, the kids, the annulment..."WHAAAH, life is SO HAAAaard!"  OH puke!  DEAL WITH IT LIKE AN ADULT, YOU MORON!!!!!  GET BACK ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ANXIETY MEDICATION, YOU FREAK!!!!!  If I've learned ANYTHING from her, it's the fact that I will NEVER be able to get off of anxiety medication.  NEVER.  I NEVER want to cry and bumble and freak out at my job again.  I've been so lucky in the past.  SO LUCKY.

Speaking of anxiety meds, I managed to run out again.  That's probably why this entry is so terribly long and full of caps.  I have great insurance now and I can't seem to get my shit together enough to pick up more medication BEFORE I RUN OUT.  I went to get it last night after work, made it there by 6:30 and the place was closed.  I thought it closed at 7.  I'm gonna hafta hightail it outta here and get to that damn pharmacy because I'm starting to get the terrible dizzy withdrawals again.  My head spins every time I get up and I feel so irritated, emotional and OUT OF IT.  I heard a song this morning and it made me instantly break into tears.  Look at me, bitching about this "psycho" I work with and I'm one also.  Hell, at least I'm SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE IT AND KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL!  *Ahem*

Anyway, I think I'll post those lyrics later...they're lovely.  I gotta get some more shit done so I can get the fuck out of here, get my meds, go home and sleep.  Geez, what an entry huh?  I'll be back when I can think straight.  Later...

Just when you think...

You couldn't possibly communicate with your husband LESS during the week...

Guess what?  Now he's working at a fucking school that gets shitty cell reception.  So the phone is constantly searching for a signal, therefore depleting the battery unnecessarily.  So he turns it off when he goes to work.  Isn't that great?!  Could I POSSIBLY GET MORE ISOLATED over here??!  On top of that, it hasn't been a great week for us.  We had our usual circular argument about his crap all over the place again.  I think I'm doing better, I think I'm doing what he wants and then he has to get a dig in during one of our stupid phone conversations yesterday.  I tried to ignore it, but I got a little snippy because I am just TIRED of the whole conversation.  So then he goes to work and it's silence all night.  I texted him to no avail.  Then I get up in the morning and leave his sleeping carcass on the couch.  Is this how marriage is supposed to be?  This fucking SUCKS.  I really don't feel like this is healthy.  Okay, enough...I'm sure I'll have an update in a few days about how we talked and blah blah blah...  But will it ever get RESOLVED?  Like I've said before, I see counseling in our future.  

On to other shit...  This week, as a whole, hasn't been too great.  Monday I was stressed at work because I realized just HOW MUCH I have to do.  Both for work and the side project.  So I was trying to get shit done all day, hopping from one thing to the other 'til the day was finally over.  Then I went to meet up with the two girls Cathy for dinner and a hang out 'cause it'd been a while again since we hung out.  Lemme tell ya, trying to get to Cathy's apartment from a different direction (coming from work instead of home) is impossible.  EV-ERy time I try to go to her house from work, I get lost.  I thought I remembered the right way this time, until I found myself all turned around again.  Thank God for cell phones, right?  Well, now that you can only drive with a hands free device, I decided to pull over and call Cathy for directions from where I was.  Yea.  Call Cathy for the first time, start driving, get lost again, call Cathy for the second time, continue driving while she's explaining, think I know where I'm going, hang up, get lost, call for the THIRD time, start having the 'ol familiar panic attack on the phone, breathe, think I'm going the right way and hang up again, call for the FOURTH time (this time I totally freaking out behind the wheel) continue driving to where I think I'm s'posed to go, realize I'm going the wrong way again, scream in the phone to Cathy, apologize for freaking out on her, SUDDENLY REALIZE I'M GOING THE WRONG WAY ON A ONE WAY STREET, start screaming/crying, "OH MY GAWD, IT'S A ONE WAY STREET!!!!!" *BEeeeeeePPpp* *HONK* "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"....

I finally made it to Cathy's a half hour late, but alive.  We had a good laugh at least.  The rest of the night was nice, we ordered some yummy Italian take out, talked and played on our computers.  Yes, come to find out good 'ol Cathie (the other one...hehe) has a MacBook, too!  So she started showing all the fun things I can do with iMovie.  She's so good at that program!  It's supposedly very easy to learn, as are many things on a Mac, but I need time.  I have to break down and read the 'help' instead of trying to figure it out myself.  So that was fun, got home late from that and waited up for Ron.  Got to say hi for about five minutes before I was dead to the world.

Tuesday was okay, I went for a nice jog, the first one I was able to go on since I wrecked my muscles snowboarding.  It was great because my calves didn't hurt like I expected them to.  It'd been a week since I exercised and my calves always get kinda burnie on the first jog in a while.  I guess all that burning on the mountain got 'em in shape!  Anyway, I got home and did my usual shit around the house, let the birds out...  Well, when it was time for birdy bed, everyone complied except for Mr. not hand tamed Punkin'.  Little shit flew out of the cage as I was getting ready to close the door.  So I got pissed and chased his little ass around the apartment, thinking I could kinda knock 'im out of the air onto the floor and cup him in my hands.  That wasn't working too well, especially when I grabbed the big birdie ladder I have and started swinging away, trying to corral him into a spot on the play gym where I could grab him.  Not a good idea.  In my haste, I accidentally knocked the poor guy off the back of the cage...  He hit the floor stunned.  GAWD I HATE THAT!  It made me feel so horrible I picked him up and stood there stroking his little stunned birdy head, crying my eyes out.  Then I could tell he was feeling a little better and coming to because he suddenly started biting the holy shit out of me, as he usually does when I have to restrain him.  I put him back in the cage and notice that his beak was a little scratched up.  I feel like such an asshole...  He seems okay, but he's still kinda quiet.  I'll see how he is tonight when I let them out.  Fuck...  Letting the birds fly free in the house is fun, but I have to remember to be careful.  I hope I don't lose this one.  *sigh*

Well that's about it for now.  I gotta go.  Oh yea, and I'm employing the new rule...when at work, I can only use the Mac to check emails/play around.  No more work computer playing.  I have to concentrate on work.  It's okay to take a break to check email once in a while, but I think having to do it on another computer will help me to cut back some.  Yea.  

Time to go and pick up that prescription I tried to get Tuesday but instead of waiting ten minutes like the little bitch behind the counter said, it turned into 40 minutes and I ran outta patience.  I hate errands.  Fuck.  Shit.  Bye.

Investment in the future

I'm am typing this entry on my brand new MacBook, purchased this past Friday.  I did it.  I invested in my future.  I am going to use this computer as a tool to help me with my art career.  It doesn't matter how long it takes me, I will be successful in one way or another.  Making money is always an option.  But being happy is the most important thing.  I think I'm on my way.  Never have I felt so good about making such a large purchase.  I figure that's a very good thing and I should go with it.  So I am.  And here we go...

Trippy week

My boss and I went to a local convention this week. Although it was pretty close to home, about an hour away (2 hours in horrible LA traffic), we decided to stay at the nearby hotel during the show.

I had dreaded this show for obvious reasons... Spending two whole days with my boss, being away from my husband and pets and all the lousy work that goes into displaying your company at a convention. There's packing the company van with all of the items we'll need, from our products to rubber bands and pens, unpacking the car when we arrive at the convention center, setting up the booth with a nice display of product (we had quite a large one), standing around doing nothing but selling for two business days (9 ~ 6, NO COMPUTER or INTERNET! AAAAAAA!!) and, of course, taking it all down and loading it all back into the car for the trip home. *whew*

Well, once again I am very glad I had this experience. I got a chance to really talk to my boss about what was on my mind. Tuesday night, after we'd set everything up, my boss and I had a nice dinner at the hotel restaurant. It felt so good to just be honest and lay it all out on the table. I was able to see just how many benefits I DO get from this job. I also realized, yet again, just what a great boss I have. She listens. She tries to help me in so many ways. She wants to see me be successful, either at her company or somewhere else. I think that she's more than just a boss to me, she is a mentor as well. I've learned so much from her and I can't forget that.

The last entry was the result of letting someone get into my head again, making me think that they know better than me. Of course they mean well, but...

*sigh*

Damn insecurity! It STILL has to creep up on me! DIE, INSECURITY, DIE!!!! I have to remember that only I know what's best for me. Yes, I am at my five year mark at a company and it made me think about my future goals. That is a very good thing. This trip made me reassess those goals and realize that I am indeed on the right track. I should keep doing what I'm doing because it is right for me. Now, this doesn't mean I'm going to put blinders on and not look at any other opportunities. It's still a good idea to keep your eyes open an' that's what I'ma gonna do. 'Cause I have more talent than I realize. YES I DO!

Now, onto other things... The only other thing, actually...Ron and I went snowboarding in Big Bear on Sunday! Since his mom lives an hour into the trip, Ron decided it would be a great idea to take her to dinner and spend the night on Saturday night, then get up eeeeeeeeearly and head up the rest of the way to Big Bear. It was such a FABULOUS weekend!!! We enjoyed his mom and our day in the snow. I hadn't been boarding since my first time almost two years ago, but it's like I picked up where I left off. Don't get me wrong, I still SUCK, but I'm getting better! Yes, I still fell on my ass several times, but I managed to get more of a feeling for actually staying UP longer. AND, I was wearing all my own gear, including new boots! So I felt much more comfortable and had a great time.

We knew it was a risk go up on such a stormy predicted weekend, but it turned out perfect. It was a gorgeous day because we were above the storm most of the day, until it moved in at around 2. Then we had to drive down the hill in a snow storm! We were VERY lucky to get off the mountain. Poor Ron was so nervous driving that he got a nose bleed! Poor guy... It was awesome to watch a snowstorm...me being a native Califronian, I think this was my first! Even in the car, driving down scary snowy roads (we were in traffic tho, so it went really slow) I felt so excited and...unbelieveably COZY. Crazy, I know, but it was SO FUN!!! And talk about a hilarious coincidence, we turned on the radio as soon as we got off the mountain and it was Barry Manilow belting out, "Looks like we MADE IIIIiiit!" HAH! Perfect.

So that was my week. In' it LOVELY?! Yea. 'Kay, I've gotta work work work now. I wanna get this shit done so's I kin go HOME! Happy Super Bowl, ya'll!

Bird invasion

It's been a good week. Yesterday I hung around after work and played with photoshop again. Guess what? Mike Patton now has two lovebirds, look!



Hehehe... Yea.

So I'm feeling like I need a change in the job situation because I'm almost at my five year mark at this company. When the asshole (ex-boss) left last January, I thought I'd stick around and see what would happen. The year flew and here I am. I think it's about time for me to move on. I have to start looking at other options because I know that I can't stay here much longer. I do not like the industry I'm in. I never have. I just put up with it because I needed to learn and get some tenure at a company. Now I've reached my goal of five years and it's time to start looking. I need more people around, a more interesting industry and more benefits. Actually, SOME benefits would be nice. I like small companies, but this place is TOO small. Most of all, I'm really ready for a CHANGE.

One step at a time...I can do this.

Afraid of Change

In case you haven't noticed, I seem to be in a sort of rut lately. Granted, I just got married, I'm working on my art more, doing more at work and living in a different place than I was a year ago, but... I'm in a rut. It's time for a big change and I think it needs to happen with my career path. I guess it takes someone telling you that you're basically wasting your time, that you're being taken advantage of and not getting paid what you're worth. Not only is that humbling, it's also quite depressing.

Now I feel like I've been settling, that I haven't moved on because I am afraid of it. There is so much out there that I'm not even aware of because I've been resting my laurels at this place. I am afraid that I'm not good enough, that I can't take the stress... All excuses.

But I guess on the other hand, I AM happy with where I'm at. I can handle what I do on a daily basis, without extreme stress. Yes, sometimes it's boring, but not all the time. Still, my gut is telling me the free ride is over, that it's really time to move on. I've been pushing the feeling aside and it's time to really examine my options. As scary as it seems, I have to push aside my stupid, anxious fears and get a resume together. A brand-spankin' new resume...put it out there. It can't hurt to put out some feelers. I don't have to settle for less. I will be worth more, eventually.

For now I can tell myself I'm doing fine. Life is not about having things, about being important. I'm doing the best that I want to do right now. It's up to me to move on.

The Definition of Friendly...

...is liking people, not wanting people to like you.

Don't Judge.

Don't Expect.

Do be real.

Stop complaining and DO something about it!

I went to the pet store last Thursday to get Rosie some crickets and happened to start a conversation with a nice woman about what we feed our cats. That lead to talking about our love of animals in general and me saying I also love to draw animals and to draw in general. Next thing ya know, the lady introduced herself and invited me to come by the book store she works at sometime. She said there are lots of friendly artists and animal lovers that hang out there and at the coffee shop in the front. The store happens to be only a few blocks from where I work, so I decided to visit it on Friday night.

I'm SO glad I did! The lady (Lily) made me feel very welcomed and introduced me to some of the "regulars". The book store was awesome, carrying lots of rare books and gifts. After looking around the store for a bit I decided get a smoothie from the coffee shop, sit down and draw at one of the cozy little tables. Before long I was talking to the regulars, drawing and relaxing. It was a great social exercise and I'm going to do it much more often. It's just that easy! AND I got a drawing that I've been dreading done. Well, not all done, but sketched. It's turning out perfect! I'll be sure to post it when I'm done.

The weekend was nice and lazy. I got nothing else done. Well, except for spending WAY too much money at the bird store on Saturday night. Ron had to go to one of his far away storage units and there happens to be a cool bird store nearby. I asked him to drop me there while he got the things he needed from storage. I didn't want him there 'rushing' me. Well...maybe I should have had him stay! I was like, "OH, they need this toy and that toy and this food and that cozy house..." I got them another hanging "boingy" rope toy so that we could hang it from a hook across the livingroom from their cages. I made it into a hanging play gym with lots of toys so they can fly back and forth. Now they've got three "stations" for when they're out...the playgym on top of their cages, the baskets in front of the window in the kitchen and the boingy above the fish tank. Spoiled much? Naaahhh!!

Okay, well I'm off to finish up for the day. Boss is back and things are rollin'. Later!

And then I wrote an email...

And told him EVERYTHING I feel, AGAIN. It always feels good to get it out. Then we talked like adults. And he explained everything he feels. And just like that, we are 'municatin'. Emotional turmoil is over. Until I decide to freak out again. I will try to be more aware of this as it's coming on. Be rational about it. Stop mulling the same bullshit over in my head until I have no choice but to spew it all over the damn place. I will save the email I sent him in case I've gotta use it again. We WILL continue to move FORWARD.

I finally got Sirius

And it's WONDERFUL!!!! My brother helped me install it (well, he did the whole thing, actually) in my car last night. Ahhh...now I never have to scream and turn the channel when the foo fuckers or red hot chili faggots come on 'cause I've got so many options it's rediculous! I'm so glad I finally did it. I can even listen to it on the internet! I will never want for a different mix of music again.

Well, that's about all I'm happy about for now. I had another bad day yesterday. My emotions took over again. I got all carried away with my lonliness. Yep, Ron's back to nights. I'm terrible at masking the fact that I'm VERY PISSED about that.

*rrrrrriiiiiiiiiiing*
*click*

Ron ~ "Hi honey, whatcha doin'?

Bitchy me ~ "Sitting here watching Two and a Half Men...ALONE. AGAIN." *ssssssssssiiiiiiggggghhhhhhh*

Must. Stop. Feeling...sorrrrrry for my...selfff... This isn't going to go on forever, right? I have plenty of things to do, people to see...then why don't I feel like doing it? It's just the big let down. It'll pass and I'll go on with life like I always do. I just wish Ron would try to be more understanding when I need it. I know all about tough love and grin and bear it but, FUCK...it WOULD be nice to get some support when you're down. Even if there is nothing that can be done. Just a few nice words without attitude. Maybe an I don't blame you. Or maybe I didn't hear that part because I was too busy whining and bitching about the inevitable.

*sssssssssssssssssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

And Myspace. Don't get me started on that lame shit. If I don't stop getting insulted by people who don't have common courtesy I'm going to have a fucking aneurism. It's not common courtesty they lack, it's TIME. Stop stop STOP expecting! I was doing so well with that after I dropped Whoreface. I actually looked up her stupid name, 'I rock these red chucks' the other day and it didn't come up. Hmmmm...so I went to a picture she'd left a comment on and saw that there is now a TM at the end of her name. I guess I knew it was coming. She is now one of the OFFICIAL whores of Myspace. She must be so proud. No, I didn't go to her page because I just can't take it anymore. Fuck her. Oh wait, everyone already is! Gawd though, you should see the horrible blog I wrote there yesterday. Another rant about hating people. But saying I hate people only denotes how much I hate myself. I think. I don't even fucking know anymore.

I wish Ron read this damn thing. Then he might be able to understand me more. Ah, but he's a man and has NO INTEREST in learning how to deal with my emotions. No no, that's way too much WORK for him. Heaven's to Betsy, why on EARTH would he do something so demanding as READING? It's all emotional blather to him and he's doing a great job making it clear that that's just what he thinks. But he tries. He does. Then he doesn't see that I'm trying, too. Boy, the first year of marriage is GREAT.

Yea, guess who I just got a call from... Mmmm-hmmm, cover it up and say you're happy honey. I appreciate your honesty. Yup, I'm a big pain in the ass. Thanks.

I'd better stop. I'm getting no where.

It's OH-ATE

HI 2008. Happy New Year. It's been good so far. These four days. I hope to continue this trend of lovlies. And it's raining. I'm shitting rainbows over here 'cause I just LOVES the rain!

Hmmm...news... We saw Devin yesterday! One day is all we had, but it was fun. So great to see the guy, he's so full of fun energy. Gawd, I think that's it for now. I've been a lurker lately. Not in too much of a mood to write on here.

I'm looking forward to the new year. Settling in and living life. Yea. I need to get out more, too. Maybe I'll finally volunteer at a parrot rescue or something so's I can meet new people. As much as I hate people, I sure do like to meet new ones. Especially ones that hate people as much as I do. And when I say people, I mean stupid people. I'm trying not to focus on it, I really am. I'm gonna go have some soup now.

This entry brought to you by...




My ass.



Have a nice day.


:)