Fine fine fine

Monday morning sucks. I'm not having a good one. The old "Pit of Despair" is back, sitting in my gut right now. I can physically feel it pulling on my heart. An ache. A longing. To just get out of here. The monotany that is life. My thoughts race and I can't concentrate, my eyes well up with tears and I cry for a few minutes, I sit and stare into space...cycles over and over, not necessarily in that order. I hate these feelings.

My weekend was good, despite the fact that I am so down this morning. I got together with Melanie for baked artichokes on Friday night, which was fun. She's been in the process of moving into her boyfriends house these past few weeks. Ivan inherited a two bedroom house from his grandparents when they passed away. He was raised by them, mostly, as his parents had their own problems. So I got to see the progress of her moving on Friday.

Speaking of moving, I don't think I ever mentioned what's been going down. Melanie owns a one bedroom condo that she bought about five years ago. She was considering letting Ron and I rent or lease it from her because it's bigger than the little backhouse we're in now and we could still save money. She told us last week that she's decided to go ahead and sell it to pay off some of her bills. Poor thing deliberated over it a lot 'cause she knew it would disappointing to us. But I had a feeling it might turn out this way. We would have been able to save money, but I guess this is for the best. I remember living there with her for two months when I'd moved out of the ex's and was waiting for the back house to be ready... I didn't like a few things about it. Plus, entering a deal like this with my best friend makes me a little nervous.

So anyway, Friday night was good. I hadn't seen Melanie in a few weeks and enjoyed hanging out with her and Ivan. Ron didn't come 'cause he was tired and didn't feel like hearing Melanie and I squealing over artichokes. That's fine...I don't blame him! But when I saw all of Melanie's stuff in that big house, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. I was really looking forward to moving into a bigger place. Ron would have been able to start sorting through his massive piles of stuff that his has in storage, I would have been able to set up my 55 gallon fish tank...we would have been able to spread out a little. I feel like we're never going to be able to afford to have a bigger place without really struggling. Rent is fucking INSANE over here. And I'm sick and TIRED of being crammed into this tiny house. But it's for the best.

Yea.

Saturday was Rons company picnic. It was at a gorgeous park with a lake. Your typical company shindig... Burgers an' dawgs, a raffle, games and six billion kids. Ron is older and he's just beginning (as of 3 years ago) as an electrician. He is an apprentice right now, next year is his last year of schooling. He works with a whole lotta youngins who think they're hot shit. Daddy or Uncle (the company owners) got them into the business. They still live at home and own huge trucks and boats. I got to meet some of them on Saturday. Well, the ones who were polite enough to actually introduce themselves, that is. Don't you just love standing there and feeling invisible while your friend/significant other blabs away with someone who doesn't even BOTHER to offer his name or ask yours? So much fun. I guess I shoulda exposed my titties.

The situation made me clam up...it reminded me a little of the times I'd go to work parties with my ex. A bunch of firemen...city, county and forestry (forestry firemen are lowest paid monkeys of the bunch, this is what my ex was and he was always kissing ASS to get in witht he big boys on the city or county) talking shop the WHOLE motherfucking time. "OOooh, sexy firemen!", you say. Being with my ex made me lose a lot of respect for firemen, lemme tell ya. Plus my uncle Tom, who passed away three years ago from lung cancer (of course), was an LA City Fire captain. So I've been around the lot of 'em. Don't get me wrong, I've still got respect for firemen, those who work hard...but many, many of them let their jobs go to their heads. That's how I felt about these guys. I guess it's due to my overall impression, I wasn't interested in talking to them at all. So I just sat there and smiled while Ron talked shop with them. Then Ron wanted to go play volleyball with them...I wasn't interested. I went off by myself to check out the lake for a bit. Found a huge snail shell, watched a crane eat, watched the duckies swim by. Much more relaxing than sitting at picnic tables with a bunch of strangers. Total social overload for someone who can't stand people.

Ron WAS cool through it all though. He was sweet and did introduce me, when he remembered. I had no qualms about his behavior that day. Overall it was a good time and we were only there for a total of about two and a half hours. Ron could tell I was a little down afterward so we stopped for some yummies and movies. He had also bought a DVD of Faith No More for us to watch. I really enjoyed watching that when we got home, helped cheer me up a lot! Heh...

Sunday was supposed to be the car show at the museum, but we decided to put that off for a bit because we wanted to go to a concert instead. Ron got us tickets to check out Anthrax, he hadn't seen them in about ten years. We were both very disappointed with the show. The drinks were more than a rip off, the opening bands were horrible (barking metal...NOT my thing at all) and Anthrax played like shit. AND we had your basic stringy-haired freak flinging his sweaty hair in front of us. I was lucky and didn't get hit with the delicate spray of sweat, most of it was caught by the large black man in front of me. Poor guy... We left the show early because we were bored out of our minds. Oh well, it was a concert experience for me. Though I really wish I could have gone to all the great shows that Ron got to see during 90s. He's always talking about how he saw Nirvana at this place, Mr. Bungle at another, Faith No More, PEARL JAM (have I told you I HATE him sometimes?), Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Morrissey... *sigh*

That was my weekend and that' s all for now. I have to go pack shit. I don' wanna. All I wanna do is...you guessed it...go home and sleep. I'm bored out of my mind. I need a change. I need an adventure. It's too expensive... But I'm not doomed to this meager existence. I have faith that it'll get better.

Crayola moments

I'm so over that drama from the other day. The whole thing is lame. So junior high. I can't blame myself for someone else's personal problems. She has problems that I can't even BEGIN to understand, problems that affect her everyday life, problems that are rooted in a very fucked up childhood. Another set of people who should never have brought a child into this world, who were too immursed in their drug habit to raise a child. Those are the people I like to thank for the state of the world today. Here's a heartfelt FUCK YOU to all those selfish mutherfuckers.

SOH...

Like I said, this girls got A LOTTA issues...manic depression, rock bottom self esteem... One of the most apparent of her issues is trust. When it comes to trust she has the mentality of a 15 year old gangster girl. You know the type...

"EH, BITCH...you wanna say 'dat chit to my FACE?! HUH fucker? 'Cause I KNOW you got sum chit to say 'cause I allreddy heard it frum muh homes, BITCH."

Yea.

I don't need this in my life. Friends are supposed to lift you up, not bring you down. I thought I could help this person by being her friend. By being there to listen. It's turned out that ALL I DO is listen. I can't take it anymore. It's time to let this one go and move on to greener pastures.

I'm SO fucking good at being my own therapist, huh? I should listen to myself! Naw, I'm gonna go with my gut on this one. My gut is screaming, "LEAVE IT, WILL YOU??"

On with life... I've had a nice couple of days. Tuesday was cousin Mark's birthday and we threw a little birthday dinner bash for him at my place. My brother Steve came over and made his famous clam pasta. That shit is amazing, man. He's gotta reduce THREE bottles of white wine into this tiny lil' thick sauce. It's quite the process. But the result, OH the result! The five of us (Ron, Steve, Ben, Mark and I) ate like kings. We also drank like, for lack of a better metaphore, fish. I think we went through two cases of beer. That's not counting the wine with dinner and the vodka shots toward the end of the evening. No, I don't remember a few things. Apparently I was laying on the cement outside with Stan. Ron says I came up to him and was all like, "Sssstan is SSssssso fuckin' coool, man. He's...he's such a cool c-c-hat. I love 'im sooo... LOOok! Lookit me hangin' with 'im! We're toadally catcheen crickets for Rosie!" How lovely. I do remember putting a cricket in Rosies cage at some point in the evening. However, things come to me in bits and pieces. I don't remember going to bed. AND OH the state of the house when I got up in the morning! Dishes EVERYWHERE. Potato chips and dried clam bits ALL over the carpet. The stove looked like someone had spilled tar all over it. I had to calm my neat freak self and just walk out of the house or I'd be an hour late for work. Just walk away...

When I got home last night I heard the most wonderful sound...the vacuum running! And it wasn't ME behind it! Ron had cleaned up all the dishes from around the house and was vacuuming up the chip mess when I walked in. Bless his heart. He did most of the dishes last night. Tonight I'll probably finish them.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Saturday is Ron's company picnic. I haven't been to one of those in years! There's gonna be volleyball, body art, all sorts 'o games, food and music. Wooooo! Let's see how the electricians party, man! Then Sunday we're going to a museum of old car parts and shit. I'm not really sure. Sheesh...Ron and his cars. I love it though and am developing my own appreciation for old cars. Seems I have good taste, according to Ron and my dad. Shit though, I think it's about time for me to take him to a bird show. Hahaha! Now eet's MY TURN. Someday soon...

That's about it for now. I've got lots of work to do still. Gotta get out the rest of those backorders. I will leave you with a lovely picture of...



I just LOVE discovering music. It's like, I'd heard of this...I'd heard it, but I hadn't discovered it. Ya know? And I love this shit! I can't believe I didn't get into it sooner!

Later!

They come and go...

Welp, I dun did lost a friend today. I don't think I ever want anything to do with this person again. Calling up one of my closest friends (our mutual friend that I actually met her through 20 years ago) and telling her that I badmouthed her, having her contact ME to find out what it was when I don't even KNOW and THEN refusing to talk to me logically when I apologize and ask her just what is going on is NOT something I can easily forgive. I tried to ask her if the three of us could get together and go over things and she just wouldn't have it. She basically told me to fuck off and die in an email. I seriously had NO IDEA she was upset when I left her house on Saturday. I thought everything was fine. She is a fucking hypersensitive NUTJOB and I don't need this in my life.

What is WRONG with me? WHY IN THE FUCK can't I meet anyone cool?? Am I a bitch? Why are people such assholes?! Why do I EVEN FUCKING CARE?! I'M SO TIRED OF THIS.

RESPECT?

I was thinking again yesterday about how there is such a lack of respect in this world. So many people have no respect for nature, no respect for authority, no repsect for EACH OTHER. It bothers me so much, yet I am just as guilty as the next person... I can be a catty bitch. I let things fly from my mouth that I shouldn't. We are all guilty of that, to some extent, expecially women. We are gossip whores. What sucks is that I really don't have much respect for people in general. I let them bother me too much. Why should I care that so-and-so is a slut, so-and-so drinks too much or that so-and-so is a moody, depressed pain in the ass that takes things WAY THE FUCK too seriously?

I am an ADULT. Not a fucking teenage bitch in the girls bathroom. Everyone has their own problems. If they choose to talk about them, great. If not, great. I have to have enough respect to NEVER open my mouth about things that I am told. I have the capacity to understand that there are certain things that I should never EVER repeat, under ANY circumstances. I mean, I'm not THAT stupid. But sometimes the lines get blurred and I speak out of turn.

What in the holy fuck am I rambling about? My mouth has gotten me into a lot of trouble lately. Seems I said something to someone about someone else that I shouldn't have. I don't even remember what it was. But it was enough to upset someone SO MUCH that they had to call a certain someone ELSE and have a little hissy fit... When asked what the fuck was so upsetting, they were told to call ME because I said it. The three of us have been friends for years (20 to be exact) and I don't remember exactly what it was I said, but I think it had something to do with what happened 13 years ago. Some little, insignificant thing. Or so I thought. We were children! The three of us really need to get together and sort this out like adults. I feel like I'm in fucking Jr. High again. I don't have time to dwell on this kind of shit...

Coo' breeze onna rocks

What another fantabulous weekend! This is how the sky looked ALL weekend... Say it with me now, AAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...

The horrid heat wave from hell broke on Friday. The sky was a beautiful, cool steel grey as I drove to work Friday morning. Thanks so much to the powers that be! We have tolerable weather again! I will be sure to enjoy it because August, another month known for it's shitty hot weather, is almost underway...

Yesterday was our annual family picnic at my aunts house. The annual "beer bust" as we call it. It's for my mom's side of the family, which is quite large! Ron had come with me last year and had a great time meeting everyone. This year he got to get to know everyone better and even meet a few cousins he hadn't met before. It was a wonderful time, everyone congratulated us on our engagement and setting the date. I was always the youngest, before my older cousins started having kids, and everyone made me feel so special 'cause I'm graduating to marriage. Yes, now it's MY turn! Muahahahaha!

Shit, I don't really have time to write, I have tons of work to do. The boss is off to another convention this week and I've got end of the month shit to do, backorders to fill and a that damn huge mailing to get out. These are the only times I miss that little annoying woman that used to work here. She finally retired and left for the Pilly Peens a few weeks ago. Now I am truely ALL ALONE. I love it...for now. 'Kay, BACK to work! I might be back later today.

Pet pics, anyone?

*sigh* It's a busy day at work. I have a headache. I wanna go home. I needed to break the monotany (working on a mailing...stuffing envelopes, sealing them...YUCK) and post something. Why not some recent pictures of my lovely pets? They're kinda blurry again. I need a new digicam. Mine is too moody. Sometimes it takes GREAT pics and other times they're blurry shit. Oh well. Here's a few...



"So I'm HOT. Whatsit to YOU, bitch?"



Awww, Ron's talking to the birdies while they're doing their thing... They're so damn fast I can't get a good pic of them without it blurring most of the time. Dammit!



Close up of Pickles preening. He doesn't over-preen anymore. I'm so happy that he seems much less nuerotic lately. His chest has been feathered for almost THREE MONTHS! This hasn't happened since he started the pluck habit three years ago. Praying and knocking on wood that he won't revert when changes start to happen...mainly moving. I'm prepared though. I won't get upset. Yea, right.



There's a lil' preenin' Punkin'. Awwww... I can hardly tell them apart now. But their personalities are so different. It's so cool.



"I'm STILL HOT. This isn't any better..."

There you have it. Isn't that exciting?! I'm so bored today. I gotta get back to this stupid mailing. I promised my boss I'd have it done today. No more putting off. Fuck.

And I MUST work out today. I'm gonna hang out at the office and do my stair-stepping, sit-ups, push-ups and other little strengthening things workout routine. It's a bit cooler today. I'm praying this trend continues so that I can start jogging again next week. I miss it so much and feel like a lazy blob again.

'Kay...over and out.

*Ksscchhtt*

Nanny day

Yes, he is Italian. Of course... OOOOOOhhhh *flutter* *flutter* Heeeeeeehhhhhhh fffffffeeeeeeeeglieslealiflndmmdssmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

*sniff* *blink**blink*

I'm so weird...when I get fixated on something I just gotta read all abouttit an' shit. Yea.

*ahem*

*AHEM*

So...

Today was an odd day at work, for I did not spend it at "work". I spent it taking my boss' daughter to and from her doctors appointments. She is the daughter of the company owner and is in town from their home in Poland. She's half Polish and half Filipino, an interesting and exotic combo I must say. A very bright, sweet and pretty girl...though a bit spoiled. But I think that's usually a given with the higher class.

So this morning I picked her up from her friends house where she is staying for the next two and a half weeks. The plan was to take her to her two appointments and hang out in the area until she was done, since it would be a complete waste of time and gas to go back to the office. It was kind of a nice little field day to be "Nanny for the Day". I quite enjoyed it, yes. Except for the stopping here and there part. First appointment (wait wait go for a walk wait), lunch, next appointment(wait wait go for a walk wait), drug store, bank, office, drug store, cleaners, back to friends house, home. It doesn't seem like THAT much, but it is in this heat. The air conditioner in my car needs a charge. No more putting that shit off 'cause I don't think this gawdawful heat is ever gonna subside. *sigh* At least each stop was air conditioned. And I enjoyed talking to her, it was easy conversation. Heh...thinking back...she probably thinks I'm such a weirdo! I can't help but act silly around young people sometimes! I enjoy getting that "you're nuts" look from people, 'specially the youngin's... Why is that?

It was an overall good and different from the norm day. Now I'm hot and tired. I think I'm gonna go ahead and hit it. The sack, that is. Nighty...

It's been a long time since...

I've had a crush on a celebrity, well musician... I like musicians as opposed to movie stars or other such celebs. I'm a huge fan of music, whereas movies and t.v. I can take or leave. The last musician obsession I had was with Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam. I still have a special place in my heart for him, as he got me through high school. I have scrap books overflowing with the guy. I was a horny teenager and he was my only outlet since I couldn't POSSIBLY bring myself to talk to guys. Sad, but true.

Since I've been with Ron it's been Mike Patton this and Mike Patton that... He's SUCH a genious blah blah blah blah Faith No More yadda yadda Mr. Bungle blah blah Fantomas yadda yadda yadda Peeping Tom bloobiditty blahblitty... I was like, "Oh yea, he's cool...I've heard that and I like that" and so on and so forth. A few months ago I decided to look the guy up on the 'net for some current pics. Hadn't seen what he looked like really since the '90s.

*BOING*

He's FUCKING HOT, MAAAN!!!! Woowooooo!!!! Hubba hubba nibbly dooh-dah! And I'm pretty sure he's an Italian stallion, too! He's got that look. And naturally, we Italians are SUCH artistic geniouses...

MMmmmm-hmmm, I'm still a huge nerd. It's fun to have a little crush since I haven't in so very long. I will now continue to download and print pictures of the lovely Mike Patton for a new scrapbook. Heeeeeee.

Dorkus signing off...

Confusion

I seem to have "lost" a post. I thought I had posted something before that last post. Apparently it was lost. I don't get it. It must be somewhere, but I'm not gonna look for it. Maybe I'll come across it someday.

So, about this past weekend. It started out with a disagreement, just like I thought it would. But we got over that one pretty quickly and moved on to have another nice, but hotter-than-fuck weekend. We escaped the heat as much as we could by going out to eat, seeing "Superman" (FINALLY...and it was good, too) and going to the beach. Seriously though, this hot fucking hell wave can end anytime soon. ANY TIME. PLEASE!

*ahem*

As usual, I was panicking on Friday when I posted that entry. My brain was in total "panic and feeling sorry for myself" mode. I know I am not a nag. I am a normal human being. I keep questioning myself and my abilities. I can handle a relationship. I can handle building a healthy marriage. Just tell myself that I can do it. Tell myself the right way to deal with situations. And DO IT. I've probably said this before and I'll say it again because it makes sense... How we deal with things ultimately determines our overall happiness. We can choose to be bitter and angry and feel sorry for ourselves or we can skip all that shit. We didn't exactly skip it on Friday night, but we reached another agreement. I had to have an emotional breakdown, too. Everything combined into one, big cryfest. It felt good. When all is said and done, everything is fine fine fine.

I am having a difficult time concentrating again. Things to do, things to do. I gotta go for now. Concentrate so I don't get confused. No more mindless babble...for now...

Weekend of the 14th

The stupid draft I started last week...

**********************************

So much to write, so little motivation to do so. Oh well, here we go. Once I get going it usually starts flowin'. I guess I'll start with the weekend. It was another good one, albeit a hot one. As with anything though, I've started to get used to it. Eventually your body just says, "Fuck it", and you learn to live with whatever discomfort may be upon you. It's the survival instict and it works in mysterious ways!

Friday afternoon I arrived home from work to be greated by a smiling Ron. What a nice change from weeks past. Not having to wait for him to get home. Man, I want it to be like this always. Always happy to see each other when we get home for the day. Not letting the complications of life cloud the happiness we feel when we see each other. I want to keep that alive. Anyway, I got home and let the birdies out to fly around while I sat with Ron and we contemplated what we would be doing for the evening. I wanted to spend time with Devin, since he would be leaving in a few days. But the plans were not to my liking. Devin and Melanie wanted to check out a club they'd heard about. Guess where it was? Yup, downtown toward Rich's area. Ron and I did not want to go, especially since I'd complained profusely to Ron about the prior evening. Therefore, when Melanie called to ask if we'd be joining her, Devin and Ivon for the trek to meet Rich and his lawyer friend for dinner at the club, I politely declined. Not only did I not have the money to spend on the amount of drinks it would take to allow me to loosen up and have fun, I did not feel like leaving the house and going on another long drive. I needed a break.

We had a delightful Friday evening and were so glad we decided to stay home. First we went to the market to get a baked chicken and some beer. Then off to El Pollo Loco for one of their delicious Mexican ceasar salads. I threw on some refried beans when we got home and we made ourselves some yummy yummy YUMMMMMMYYYY soft tacos. Yes, they were yummy. No wait...YUMMMMMMMY. Seven 'm's worth. After a few beers it was time for nighty night. It must be the weather because I've had this incredible craving for tacos and burritos lately. I've had something to that effect almost every day for two weeks. It's the weather. It's too hot to do anything else. Besides maybe a bbq chicken salad. We're overdue for one of those.

Rons survival instict (not to mention the weather report) told him that we had to get the fuck outta Dodge on Saturday and head toward cooler temps. Fast. And EARLY. Saturday was 106 degress in LA. ONE-HUNDRED-AND-SIX. We made plans to meet with Rich, Devin, Melanie and Ivan for breakfast near the beach to start out our day. Turns out that Devin doesn't like the beach, so he and Rich spent the day together while the rest of us had a beautiful day. I couldn't believe how HOT it was down there. It must've been at least 85 - 90. We should have been more attentive with the sun screen 'cause each of us got at least at little burned. My face got too burnt... But it was a great day. I finally got to SWIM and had a glorious time playing in the ocean. It was way overdue. There is nothing like swimming in the ocean and I'm going to miss it a lot when and if we move away from here.

After the beach we'd planned on having Rich and Devin join us for a Saturday evening BBQ. That wasn't to be however, because we were all exhausted from a long day of sun and exersion. Sunday was BBQ day. Well, it was more like Mexican BBQ, minus the BBQ. More like soft tacos and margaritas night. Melanie and I went to the store to pick up the works...beans, meat, tortillas, cheese, guacamole and plenty o' Cuervo for the makings of a lovely evening of eating, drinking and being merry. And eat, drink and be merry we did. Not a bad way for Devin to spend the last evening of his abbreviated trip. It was so disappointing to all of us that he couldn't stay longer. Ron enjoyed spending more time with Devin on Sunday, as he'd only met him once before. And this was the first time Ron had met Rich. He got to start forming his own opinion of the guy. Rich was much more subdued that evening, probably due to the fact that there were more of us and he was just meeting Ron for the first time. He was his pleasant self, thankfully.

I took Monday, the 17th off of work to just have a day to myself. Although hotter-than-fucking-HELL AGAIN (*sigh*) I enjoyed it. Got some more cleaning done! I finally mopped the floors, it had been too long. I really need to do the floors more often. It's gross to let it go, it's just such a pain in the ass. I don't even have a lot of floor to mop and I still hate it. Not as much as I hate grocery shopping though.

***********************************************
That was my weekend. Last weekend. Now it's time to go on with my hot ass day. Later!

It came crashing down

Things were going great. Things were fine. Until I opened my mouth. Now things are shitty again. Around and around in circles we go. I don't understand. I say the wrong things. We agree on something and everything is fine, and then that same thing goes wrong again and I know nothing, I am just a nag. I am just another one, another thorn. Another stupid, nagging woman. I don't know what to do. This is a recipe for disaster. I'm worried. What are we gonna do?

And it's still hell outside. There is no end in sight. There is no relief. No camping this weekend. Nothing. All I can do is drench my clothes and sit around in my hot house. I'm not looking forward to this weekend.

Wow...

That's a first.

FEeeeeling...

HI. I'm working on another post, but it's gonna take me a little longer than I thought. And I have work to do...eh, that I SHOULD do. Check out my sidebar, I've added the "Essential Facts about ME" page. If you care to learn more, 'cause I KNOW you do, it's over there. See...right...there...to your right. I'm fascinating, aren't I? Hehehe... So a few thoughts on how I feel today...

*Bored
*Unmotivated
*Unable to concentrate
*Somewhat happy
*Tired

Isn't that nice? Everything is fine though. I'm alive. I've been thinking. I even played the guitar again last night. Ron's got it tuned so it's very easy to play. I'm using that to learn the rudimentary hand movements and positions. It's a lot more fun learning to play guitar when it doesn't sound like complete shit. I really need to strengthen the fingers of my left hand and get the rythm down with my right before I can start to really learn notes. I'm starting to get cute little calluses at the ends of my fingers.

Playing guitar last night made me think about how I'm not using my creative energy at all again. I never draw or paint. There are so many things that I need to do. All I have to do is start. It's the same shit over and over again. Creative energy that needs to be expressed.

That's all for now. Gotta run.

Uh-oh, it's a longie...

It's Tuesday and I'm back at work. I decided to take Monday off. The weekend went very well, considering things. I started writing this post on Friday and had to stop to actually work. So I am posting it today. I will post more about the weekend later...

****************************************


It's never fun to have to sit through dinner with someone who insists on stroking their own ego throughout the entire. Dinner. Conversation. You know...it goes kinda like this...

Egocentric: "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ME ME ME ME BLAH BLAH BLAH."

Me: "That's nice, I'm happy for you. I'm glad things are going so well for you. How wonderful."

Egocentric: "BLAH BLAH BLAH ME ME ME ME ME ME BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ME ME ME ME ME BLAH BLAH."

Me: "OH, how lovely... So, uh..."

Egocentric: "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME"

Me: "Really? That's great. So what are..."

Egocentric: "MEMEMEMEME BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHMEMEMEME"

Me: "I... But I've...Uh... Oh... poop...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Devin came back from visiting his family in Indiana yesterday. His ex-boyfriend Rich, who lives down by the beach and closer to the airport than Melanie and I, picked him up and they hung out at Richs' pad for the day. A little backround refresher for you... Rich and Devin were together for 5 years. They lived with Melanie's ex-boyfriend, Dave. That's how we met, and were almost instantly drawn to, Devin. He is eccentric, he is charismatic, he is sincere, he actually LISTENS and RESPONDS during a conversation. As we got to know Devin, we came to find that he is also very spontaneous and unpredictable. This has sort of become his trademark. So Devin is much younger than Rich and has not yet found himself. He loves adventure and travel, hence his decision to break up with Rich and move to Beijing, China two years ago.

Melanie and I were the last to know of his decision to move. We found out only two weeks before he was to leave. Rich recieved the news only days before we did. To say we were shocked is an understatement. We were just starting to really get to know this guy and become friends. It took Rich a long time to get over the hurt, naturally. He was terribly bitter and it's understandable. I don't think he's completely over it quite yet. It doesn't seem like he has let go the tiny glimmer of hope that Devin will get his head out of the clouds, stop travelling the world and come back to him. But that's neither here nor there...

Okay, so Rich and Melanie have still been hanging out on and off since Devin left. Sometimes I'll join them for dinner and a drink or two or seven. And when Devin has visited in the past, Rich has also been invited. In this time, I have gotten to know Rich more and more. I have come to realize that although he is basically a nice guy with a good sense of humor, his personality can become grating. It's all about him and his accomplishments. I can see why someone like Devin couldn't handle being with someone like Rich. Rich was Devin's first serious relationship and, like many many many other first serious relationships, it went on for some time. Until it crashed and burned.

Let's move on to last night, shall we? I was hoping beyond all hope that we wouldn't have to drive all the way down to the damn dirty fucking shithole beach city AGAIN. Unfortunately, I did not hope enough. It wasn't in the stars. Once again, we had to drive down there and have dinner at an overpriced restaurant. We spent the majority of dinner listening to Rich talk about his job. You ever try to tactfully change the subject, only to have it turned RIGHT back around? Both Devin and I tried a few times, unsucessfully. I was only going to have one drink, but as time went on I realized that this was going to be at LEAST a two drink event. I wasted so much money on margaritas...but they were my savior. They helped me get through one of the most boring evenings of my life.

When it seemed as though time were standing still, I decided to play possum. Yes, I feigned sickness so that we could get the fuck OUT of there. I'ma bad girl. It helps that I have a nervous stomach so I know just how to act. I pretended that I had eaten too fast and had gotten terrible gas pains. This has happened to me several times before, usually when I wait too long to eat and then eat too much. So the situation was perfect. However, it took at least another 30-40 minutes from the onset of my "sickness" until we were finally able to leave. Our waitress decided to take our check out on a date. Shit, I was a waitress for only a few years, but tell me, doesn't it make sense to be sure that all of your tables are taken care of and have their checks BEFORE you sit down for your dinner break?!

Oh yes, and I almost forgot to mention the clincher. On the way to meet Rich and Devin Melanie tells me that Rich had told her Devin will be leaving THIS Sunday, the 16th as opposed to next weekend on the 21st or 22nd. Devin, being his unpredictable self, did not tell us of this little detail and we weren't sure if we should even believe it. We had both arranged to have a couple of extra days off of work next week so that we could go camping from Sunday through Tuesday. Devin was supposed to have extended his plane ticket. At dinner Devin confirmed that he would indeed be leaving for China on Sunday. He went on to explain that he did not have enough money to extend his ticket due to the fact that he had run into some unexpected expenses during this trip. Very understandable, but something that would have been nice to know BEFORE the fucking weekend was to start! At least this was Thursday, so I was able to tell my boss today that I will probably only take Monday off and save my other days. I only have a few vacation days left for this year and I need to use them wisely.

That was my evening. Kind of disappointing. So WHO KNOWS what's up for this weekend. This playing things by ear is getting a little old. I'd like to have solid plans for a change.

MORE Phun with Photoshop

I thought I'd make my own little picture really quick, since that seems to be the theme this week. Man, the possibilities are endless, aren't they?



This one's kinda freaky. Imagine THAT flying toward you while you're on vacation. "Wow, lookit the pretty...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

*Ahem*

Well thanks for the congrats you guys! However, I have some news... My parents, Ron and I went to the hotel to make the reservations last night and found out that the garden area that we wanted would not be available on the 28th. THEREFORE, the official date is NOW a week earlier...

******APRIL 21, 2007******

And that is IT. DEFINATELY IT. THE END. Well, the END is the wrong word to use here. This is just the beginning. It's a good beginning. Last night was a little stressful because my mom was being the typical stressed out mother of the bride. I can't blame her, that is typical because the mother always wants everything to be perfect for her daughter. I appreciate that. Really, I do. But my mom has to realize that we have NINE MONTHS to do this. I do realize that time flies, but come on now. We've got plenty of time to finalize everything. And it is not worth stressing over. I want this to be fun.

Now, the reason Ron was able to come with us is because his schedule has changed...for the BETTER! He's ON DAYS!!!! YEEEAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!! He has been moved to a different project with a different crew because they finally finished that shithole government building in the ultimate of shitholes, downtown L.A. He is now in the hot ass valley working 7 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Fucking GREAT! Well, for me...but not really for him at the moment. It's so hard on a person to change schedules like that. It totally screws up ones daily rythm. By the time he gets used to it, school will be back in session and he'll have to switch to nights again. This means he is probably going to be pretty exhausted in the coming weeks. Exhausted and grumpy. I will do my best to put up with it, but I will not lay down and let him treat me like shit. He has been in a wonderful mood lately and last night he suddenly started getting snappy with me. Instead of cowering with my tail between my legs and getting upset, I didn't let it bother me at all. I continued being nice...killed him with kindness, like he always tells me to do with others. And ya know what? It worked!

He only got about two hours of sleep last night because it was horribly hot and he's not used to going to bed at 11:00 p.m. They had given him the day off to get ready for the new schedule, but that's never enough. So tonight I expect him to be tired and grumpy. Therefore, I will continue with my business and let him rest. I will probably end up going out with Melanie anyway, since Devin should be back today. Hopefully we'll go swimming. I have had no luck swimming at Melanie's because she is on the home owners board and they have been telling the tenants that they must be out on the pool deck with their guests while they are swimming. Melanie doesn't like it out there because the pool is not situated to her liking. It's not private enough. There are apartments towering above the pool and sound travels easily. I can understand that...but that is no reason to avoid it completely. I want to swim, dammit!!!! You know, the way my life goes...by the time I get the opportunity to swim, the weather will cool off trememdously. Fuck, I shouldn't even THINK that. Murphy's law rules my world.

Okay, as usual it is time to get back to work. Blehgghghg.

It's Official!

I'm getting a whole lotta cute animal picture emails lately. Lots of photoshopped ones, too. I have to share them. They're TOO cute. Look at that FACE! Yes, that is a koala smoking a joint. He's saying, "EH mon, woncha coom op 'ere an' share 'dis wit' meh." That NOSE. It's so big and it's covered in all those leeeettle teeeeeny hairs that I love to rub my upper lip on! One of my weird habits that I admitted to a while back.

ANYWAY...

I wanted to announce that Ron and I have finally agreed on a wedding date. April 28, 2007. Isn't that wunnnderful? We have also decided on a location. I'm not sure if I mentioned it here before, but we have decided to have it at the Sportmen's Lodge Hotel. Ron and I looked at the facilities and they are just what we want. Simple, rustic, plenty of room and there is even the sound of trickling water from a stream that runs through the place. I'm very excited to be making progress. I'm getting married! I'M GETTING MARRIED! WEEEEeee!!!!!

Everything else is going fine today. It's strange, I kinda feel like I'm on summer vacation. Well, it IS summer and it's slow at work and I AM gonna take a few days off next week. That's 'cause Devin will be back from visiting his parents on Thursday. He will be here until the 22nd, I believe. I have taken Monday through Wednesday of next week off. I hope we will be going camping, like we did last year. I love camping and I don't do it nearly enough. Whatever we do though, I'm sure it'll be fun.

I'm going to go make my lunch. I can't wait any longer, I've been looking forward to it all day! I went grocery shopping yesterday and got all kinds of great stuff. So today I brought in some flour tortillas, sliced turkey and ham, a bag of lettuce, a tomato, an onion and some ranch dressing so that I can make myself a wrap. Or two. Or three. Yea. But I'm gonna go jogging after work, too. Yes I am. Gotta have fuel, right? Haha. I love food...

I'm off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of wraps!

Later!

Fun with Photoshop...and a glorious weekend

HAHA! It's Panda KISS! This shit cracks me up! Aren't they just adorable?! Hehehe! No, I didn't do this. It was sent to me in an email of course. I had to share it.

My weekend was spent well. Friday night I went to a surprise party that Lisa threw for her girlfriend, Paulette's big THREE-OH. Lisa had been swamped at work all week so she needed some last minute party prep help. I picked up the cake and showed up at the restaurant a little early to help put things together. It was fun...and good practice for me, too...just in case I ever decide to throw a surprise party. I am not one to throw parties at all and I think it's about time that I do. Not only is it fun, it's very satisfying to do something like that for someone you love. Paulette was very surprised and happy. The party was held at a new bar and grill type of place in town. It's probably been open for quite some time, but this was my first time there. That's not saying a lot since I really don't get out much! The food was delicious. My favorite had to be the spinach artichoke dip, of course!

Saturday Ron and I had a list of things to do. First we were going to take the new truck to the valley to pick up some bike parts that Rons friend had left for him. His friend, another BMX/bike enthusiast, had worked at a well-known bike shop for years. As a result, he had collected many bike parts in his backyard shed. The friend had a few sudden life changes, he'd gotten a better job and had to move from the house he'd been renting because of new ownership. So he offered Ron these parts (tires, hubs, rims, sticker sets), most of which were brand new and had not been used. We had to get out there and get these things before the new owners showed up on Saturday afternoon and managed to do so in the knick of time. Now Ron's got a whole lotta new parts so that he can start building his bikes...and start getting them sold!

After the pickup we were going to eat breakfast, get the truck insurance, get concert tickets (Ron just found out that one of our favorite bands, Peeping Tom, is playing in LA) and then go home and do laundry. We managed to eat breakfast...then we were too tired to do anything else so we went home to rest. It had started to get hot by the time we were done with breakfast and we were drained from getting up early. On the way home we stopped by the Wherehouse to see if we could get tickets, but their ticket service was temporarily out of service. Damnit. Once we got home we both passed out for a long nap. By the time we woke up we weren't in the mood to do anything but sit around and watch movies. We picked up some pizza and beer and spent the evening being as immobile as possible. Why do what you can put off for yet another day? Uh-huh...

Sunday we had plans to take my parents to another car show. This time it was a vintage GMC truck show. It was lots 'o fun. On the way to my parents we tried again to get tickets. Unfortunately the show in LA is sold out. But we're still going to try to get tickets for the shows in either San Diego or San Francisco. That would be great motivation for a little (much needed) road trip for the two of us. Anyway, the truck show was great and afterwards we went to my parents house for a BBQ. Steaks, baked potatoes and salad. One of my very favorite dinners. It was so much fun hanging out with my parents and Ron. My mom had gotten a new board game for us to play, too. It's called "Scene It" and comes with a DVD full of movie clips and lots of questions. We had a blast playing it!

We got home Sunday night, exhausted...but it was a nice exhausted. So now it's Monday again. Bleh. I still have tons of laundry to do, not to mention grocery shopping. Yuck. And Ron works Monday nights now, too. He'd been going to class on Monday nights (third year electrician classes) from 5 - 9 and the semester was over two weeks ago. He works swing shift and since class was at night on Mondays, he couldn't work those nights. And they couldn't switch him to daytime for just one day a week. Now he has to work five days a week at that stupid federal building they've been working on for the past 4 months. Still shitty swing shift from 5 to 1:30 a.m. I was hoping that when they finish this building they'd be able to move to working on a school again. That way, since school is out for the summer, they'd have a day shift. But so far, word is that they'll probably be going to another damn federal building. Commence weekly loneliness.

Okay, that's it for now. I've got some work to do. Later.

Look UP!

Okay, okay... I will focus on the positive. No one likes a sourpuss. It's time to start bailing the water out of this sinking boat. Again. My arms are tired but I'll just ignore it and keep at it.

Ron got the newer truck yesterday. A 2000 Chevy truck. I real truck. A man truck. Not a poor excuse for a truck...truck. It's bigger, it's longer, it has a center console, AIR CONDITIONING and, to my ultimate girlie pleasure, is ALL ONE COLOR. It even has an alarm! Let's just hope he knows how to use it so that we (and the neighbors) don't get the rude, screaming, middle-of-the-night awakening that alarms are so very well known for.

*Woowoowoowoowoowoowoo*...*Boooooooooooo-Deeeeeeeeeee-Boooooooooooo-Deeeeeeee-Boooooooo-Deeeeeee* - *Bwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-ip*...*Bwooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-ip*...*EEH-EEH-EEH-EEH-EEH-EEH-EEH-EHH*

The multi-annoying sound car alarm. Mans greatest invention.

The trip to my parents was great. I needed that. Even the drive there wasn't so bad. They live about 45 minutes away in no-traffic conditions. I left during rush-hour yesterday and the trip only took an hour and a half. It was an altogether pleasant drive because the weather wasn't too hot and I blasted my music, as always. Once I got there it was all hugs and relaxation. Gawd I'm lucky to have such nice parents. I guess that's why I'm so awesome. *wink* *wink* We picked up some delicious food from the local greasy spoon and proceded to just talk and enjoy ourselves. I unloaded and got some much-needed parental advice.

Yea. Fabulous.

Now it's the weekend again. Joy to the world, the weekend is here. I will spend this weekend spreading joy to all the boys and girls. Particularly to the grumpy boy I live with. And let's see if I can finally take a dip in a real pool, shall we? One in which I cannot touch the bottom with my ass and still not even have a quarter of my body submerged. Or maybe we'll make it to the beach in the new truckie-truck.

Bye bye. *smoochies*

It's not THAT hopeless...I guess

I'm feeling extremely hopeless today. I'm gonna go to my parents house tonight. I miss them so much and I can't stand the thought of going home tonight. No one's there. I need my mommy. Yes, I am a huge, emotional, weak BABY. At least I admit it.

I was telling my friend Marguerite over IM (she's in France again for the summer) how I'm feeling today, and the cutie sent this cool video to cheer me up some. Heh. What a doll. I miss her, too. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and cry now. Later.

How do you restart this thing?

I think I need an adjustment or something. Today I am feeling worse than I did yesterday. I'm so depressed I can't concentrate on anything. This is strange because usually, as the morning goes on, I feel better. Not today. I woke up pretty fine and as the day goes on I feel more and more like crying. I hate this.

I am worried because I know I need to get off of this Paxil. All the horror stories I've read and I just don't think it's helping anymore. I'm scared to death of the withdrawals. I should go to the doctor again, but I'm afraid to do it before the wedding. I just want to keep things how they are until afterwards. But then there will be stress during that time, too. I just have to quit being so weak and deal with life on my own, without drugs. Without. ANY. Drugs.

*Gulp*

When I'm down like this, I like to look at pictures of cute animals...



I seriously wish I were a dog owned by nice people. Wouldn't that be the life? All your needs met, no money worries, sleeping all day... I'm just too fucking lazy, aren't I. Life as a human is just too much work.



Awwww...lookit thu kewt meeeeeeeeeercats!



When I'm hot, I should just imagine doing this. Roll, Roll, Roll in der snooowww!

It's not even noon yet. I should really go grocery shopping after work. YUCK. I'll pick up a couple of things, I guess. I don't know. I'm tired. Maybe later, maybe tomorrow. Whatever. At least I'm still alive and have lots of things going for me. Too bad thinking positive doesn't get rid of this LOUSY feeling.

Not in the mood

Hi... It blows me away just how quickly a four day weekend can fly by. It was a good weekend, though a little too damn hot to do much of anything but sit around. The kiddie pool came in real handy, enabling me to do much of that sitting around in either soggy shorts or a soggy bathingsuit.

We only got to see Devin on Thursday and Friday, he was off to see his family in Indiana by Saturday afternoon. He'll return here on July 13th and will be staying for the following two weeks before heading back to China. That'll give us time to have some more fun and hopefully go camping.

Rons truck has broken down and unfortunately, it's bad. We are in the midst of deciding whether he should fix it since he's invested so much in it over the past months, or just say fuckit, scrap the thing and get a new(er) truck. We looked at a couple of used trucks on Sunday...we just need to weigh out what would be the most feasible thing to do. It sucks and Ron is very stressed over it. I don't blame him at all. We've had so much car trouble and just want to be FREE of it so that we can save money to move. Ugh...

We were supposed to go to Rons moms for the 4th, but it didn't pan out. His mom had some unexpected things come up. I was a little disappointed, as I wanted to get out of the house. I also actually wanted to SEE his mom, it's been quite a while. We spent the day watching movies and drinking beer instead. Not a bad way to spend a holiday. I even surprised myself by playing a few notes on Rons guitar. That was fun...I seem to have an ear for music. I should try to learn an instrument...as I should do a lot of things. *sigh*

Anyway, I made us marinated lemon herb chicken thighs for dinner. I'm very good at throwing shit together in a pan, just making things up and having them turn out deeeeeeeeeelicious! Ron was so blown away that he had six or seven thighs! I don't know, I lost count after four. He's paying for that gluttony today, however. He woke up several times during the night moaning with stomach pain. Poor baby. Men... I should call him and see how he's doing...

Hmf...seems I've written quite a lot for not being in the mood to write. I'm feeling down today. I always get this way after a long weekend. Plus it's been hot and miserable for so long, we usually have a break by now. It's good to be at the cool office for a while. I hope I can go swimming at Melanie's tonight. We've been trying to arrange it but it hasn't been working out... I really need to actually SWIM in a pool. I miss it terribly.

Well, that's it for now. Hope you had a great holiday weekend. Later...