
I woke up in a foul mood again this morning. I had nightmares all night again... I think I ate dinner too late last night, I dunno. I went to bed quite early, about 10:30, after I read a little. I didn't get to turn on the computer 'cause I really wasn't in the mood. I DID spend all day in front of one, after all. It was an uneventful evening. I came home to a very clean house and the monsterous pile of dishes that were in the sink that morning were all washed and mostly put away. Lovely Valentines gift...hehe...I made sure to thank Ron. I missed him a lot last night. All I did was go for a jog, make and eat dinner, talk to my mom on the phone (she would NOT stop asking me about how my planning is going. I SUCK at planning things and it was getting frustrating) watch some t.v. and get a little reading in before my eyes started feeling like cotton. I barely remember his arrival home. I think he came in and kissed me goodnight. Did he?
Ugh...the nightmares. I don't recall too many of the details anymore, all I know is that the whole feel was frustration and agony, again. I woke up at one point sweating like mad. Some things I remember have to do with driving, trying to get to my parents house. I knew I had to get on the freeway for a long jaunt, but I COULDN'T. I kept crashing into things, missing the entrance, I had to pee, I had to go to work at a new job that I wasn't sure I was going to keep (I kept going back to this building and helping them with the bookkeeping and shipping and I have no idea what they sold), I had to get lunch, I had to pee, there was a burning building and a whole bunch of parrots on the wire above the building, I had to PEE...then my ex came into the picture. I think I had to pick up his kid or something. What the hell? It was weird, depressing and uncomfortable. And I really had to pee, like, in reality, ya know? But when I woke up I was too lazy to get the fuck up and GO already. I hate that. Thank GOD I didn't just "go" in my dream. Ron would have left me for that one! I mean, I did...found a toilet in the weird work building AND at the Carl's Jr. I got lunch at. But I didn't really go. The last time that happened to me was a long time ago and it was just WRONG.
Yea...
I keep having similiar dreams lately... One type of dream has to do with having to go back to school, whether it be grade school, high school or college. The same feeling of depression and frustration is there as I'm either endlessly looking for my first period class (that I missed along with second and third because I just COULDN'T find the classroom) or I'm trying to find the admin office to figure out my jumbled schedule. All the while, the bell rings and I'm engulfed in bustling students...still completely confused and no one will help me. The other type of dream has to do with my ex suddenly coming back into the picture and trying to replace Ron. I keep thinking that I have to marry my ex and that I'm not allowed to marry Ron. Or my ex and I are together like nothing happened and his kid is with us. WHAT?? Yucky yuck...I hate waking up from those, especially.
So this morning I wasn't happy. I didn't make a big deal or try to scratch out Ron's eyes like I usually do. I just went about my business of getting ready for the day with a slight frown on my face. Work has been okay today. It's still a little slow but I'm working on things...even though I'm having a lot of trouble trying to concentrate...again.
I'm looking foward to this weekend though. It's Vegas weekend with Melanie and Tyra, just like last year. Melanie's got her bowling tournament. Unless there is a funeral this weekend for Mealanie's mom's childhood friend. She died, at 56, of cancer this past Sunday. Yes, another little depressing tidbit. It's so FUN when mortality slaps you upside the head. So I have yet to find out from Melanie when the funeral is. I might try to go if I can. I knew her pretty well...
EN-EEE-way, I'm off to try to concentrate on some more shit. And I gotta eat some lunch 'cause my stomach is screaming. Later...
























