I'm really feeling low this week. I mean L-O-W. I'm sorry to be a downer, but I can't help it. I feel horrible. I can't STAND work, I'm letting the same old things bother me and I'm NOT in the fucking "holiday" spirit. Especially since my "bonus" this year is getting paid for the four days I have off in the next two weeks. Then I get my hours cut again. I know I should be thankful to have a job and money coming in. Plus I have a husband who has a very good job. I just want to quit this place. I'M SO TIRED OF IT. But I can't. Then I'll feel even MORE worthless.
Now I have to create a FUCKING Christmas card for this shithole when I'm feeling about as creative as a corpse. I went to the doctor last week and got some new meds that I'm supposed to switch over to, however I don't want to fuck with anything until after the Fantomas concert. I'm very excited about that trip and Ron is trying so hard to make me happy...I really appreciate it...yet I'm still falling into this hole. I'm trying to stay out, I really am, but I can't. I just can't. I don't want to talk to someone, I already know how I feel and what is going on. I know I have to switch these stupid meds, that I wish I had never started taking. I hate being dependent on a pill. I'm afraid of switching because it's gonna make me crazy. It's gonna make me all irritable and foggy. I want to be someone else. Someone who knows how to feel happy about herself and who she is and what she's decided to do with her life. I don't want to be the bitter old lady with 10,000 cats, but it looks like I'm headed that way. This hatred and anger is killing me.
3 comments:
I am so sorry you're feeling down, sweetie.
I hate to say it but: raw food.
Start doing green smoothies in the morning, you will feel better!
Hugs and good vibes and feel betters all over you!!
JJ
Just think if the Christmas card turned out great. You'd feel all smooshie and happy. Art makes me feel like that. I sit on my couch with Guardcat and we totally groove on how wonderful I am. I say: "God I'm awesome". Guardcat says: "You're so not. You're like totally a nerd". I say: "No, I'm not, I'm like beyond awesome. I make art. You only poop and eat mice." Guardcat: "You just made me cry. But you do feed me although you do take some really awesome photos of me when I roll over on my back and you rub my belly. I guess you're like totally ok." Me: "Thanks" (holding back tears)
So maybe you should look at your Christmas card like that. A chance to be totally fucking awesome.
I hear you. I have been really down too. *hugs*
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