Our Anniversary...and why it's good to think ahead

Yesterday was the anniversary of Ron and my engagement. Wow. That sure flew, didn't it? We had a lovely evening. But not before I had an anxiety attack. I am SUCH a baby. It was the usual stressing over things that needn't be stressed about. In this case, it was getting Ron a little something special. Sometimes I really SUCK at being thoughtful. I'd already gotten him a nice card, but wanted to add a little something else. At the last minute. I'd thought about it all week, decided just a card was fine, that we should just celebrate each other on the day. And then I had to go and change my mind At the last minute. I'll ask myself again. Why OH WHY do I do this to myself?

This is what happened... The day started out fine. I was content with the nice card I'd gotten Ron over the weekend. It had beautiful words and I'd done a very nice drawing in it and that was that. Right? WRONG. At about 2 p.m. on the day of our anniversary, I'd decided that I needed to do a little something else for him. Get a little somethin' special for us as a couple. But for the life of me, I could not figure out what to do. By the time I got off of work I was so desperate and anxious that I called Melanie AND Lisa for suggestions. They suggested great things. Great things that I couldn't possibly get done in the half an hour I had before I needed to be home so we could go to dinner.

I decided there was time to do a little shopping near work. I parked my car near the bank because I that was an errand I needed to run before going home as well. I'd known of this cute gift shop not too far from the bank, full of perfect little lovey-dovey things. I thought of getting us something we could use together on the day, you know, and all that worthless lame crap. I saw another shop I thought might have something I needed (Lisa had suggested getting a nice frame for a formal pic of us, to be taken at a later date) but nothing came close. After wasting time in that shop, I went on to look for the one I'd originally thought of. I couldn't find it. I swear, the sidewalk had opened up and sucked it down. By this time I was starting to panic. And panic over the fact that I was panicking over NOTHING and that I shouldn't pressure myself so damn much. I decided forego the shop for now and head to the bank because I had some checks I needed to get in my account so that I could pay some big bills the next day. The shop would surely be in the direction of the bank, right? Wrong again.

I'm walking to the bank trying to get the rolodex in my mind to STOP so I can concentrate. Ron calls my cell. So I'm talking to Ron when I arrive at the ATM. At this point, there is too much running through my mind. This last minute shopping set me up to have a breakdown while I was at the ATM. I was talking to Ron on the phone and trying to make a deposit. He had called wondering where I was and I told him about the picture idea and how I'd gotten anxious over getting him something special blah, blah...

He's like, "It's okay honey, don't stress. I don't care, just getcher ass home."
I'm like, "I WILL...just as soon as I make this deposit, dammit."

Well, some dude had come up behind me in the meantime and made an irritated noise. I guess was taking longer than my alotted 15 seconds. This was the trigger. Without even turning around or getting off the phone, I told the guy to quit being such an impatient asshole and he, in turn, called me the asshole and blah, blah so on and so forth... Commence complete and total freak out. Suddenly, I couldn't add up what I was depositing (because I can't seem to do things ahead of time and because I am an idiot who has to yell rude things at strangers) so I started asking (screeching pleading) poor Ron to add up my deposit. Of course he could't understand what the fuck I was saying because I was hysterically YELLING and the phone volume was apparently up too loud. He'd kept informing me of this earlier in the coversation and I'd kept fiddling with the buttons on the side of the phone, all while trying to find the shop, the bank, my sanity, etc... It was a beautiful moment in life. But it gets even better... The ATM wanted to get in on the fun. It froze up on me. So I'm standing there yelling and crying and pounding the fucking ATM buttons. I must've looked like such an ASS to the guy behind me and God knows who else on the street. I didn't even turn around to look at the guy behind me because by this time my face was flaming from embarrassment and frustration. I've got tears streaming and snot flying...I literally lauched a snot ball onto the ATM screen. NO joke!

After all this, I got the damn machine to spit out my card and didn't even get to make the deposit. OR get anything for Ron. Fabulous. I had to go home before I had a heart attack. I'd managed to irritate the holy fuck out of Ron because of my sniveling, outlandish, totally INSANE behavior. Lovely. He'd tried as much as he could to calm me down, then ran out of patience and told me to get the hell home. It's so great to piss off your loved one ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY. THAT was my gift to Ron. An anxiety attack.

By the time I got home I'd mostly calmed down. Ron gave me a big hug. He also gave me a beautiful bouqet of flowers and an awesome sketchbook. It's really fancy with gold-edged pages and gold filigree on the cover. And he loved my card. I then took HIM out to a cozy Mexican dinner. We had some margaritas, fajitas and a tostada and traded our plates back and forth. Mmmmm-mmm!

Yes, another incident. I haven't had one in a while. Ron is handling them better, though they frustrate him a lot. As is very understandable. I am not as crazy, anxious and stupid as I think I am. I am fine. Everything is fine. There is no reason to get so worked up over these things! And the battle continues...