You're not alone

Although you my feel that way. Wow, it's been a week. I'm getting bored with blogging again. Things are gonna change, I can feel it. "SOOOyyyy...un PERDIDOORRrrr!!! I'ma loser bay-beeehhh...so why don't ya kill me! Get crazy with duh cheeze whiz!"

Ahem...

Okay, hilights from Christmas...

*Ron and I loved each other's gifts. My favorite by far...autographed pic of Mike Patton.
*My stomach felt like shit all weekend.
*My neice is a sweet, thoughtful girl...my nephew is a typical 16 year old selfish asshole.
*The food was okay, not homemade this year.
*Finally got a George Forman grill, thanks mom and dad!
*Tequila

Onward to the new year...

Mmmfffmmmffmfmffmmm...Bbbllleeeccchhh

OoOoOoOoOooOOooooOOoohhh...my hay-ed. Not feeling too hot this morning. Annual work holiday party yesterday. If you wanna call it a party. The four of us...boss, Ron, the cleaning lady and I, ate lunch together. Had a little soiree, we did. What made it a soiree instead of just a plain 'ol lunch party, you ask?



Yep, that was the work fridge yesterday. WAS. It's considerably more empty of alcoholic beverages today thanks to our efforts. At least I didn't mix like I did at the holiday party two years ago. I learned my lesson the hard way. Ah yes, what a lovely memory... Let us diverge to the story of that particular work holiday party, shall we? My boss and I, my brother Steve and his friend Bill had our celebratory sushie lunch together that day. There I was, all proud of myself for always having been a "resposible drinker" never having spewed my gut loot after downing a few too many, EVER. "I'm fine", I thought, after two glasses of champagne (DEADLY) and two more glasses of wine. "I'm swell", I still thought, after two beers and a vodka and water drink. "Ev-er-ee-thingz juss daaaaandy", runs through my slushy mind after two MORE beers (by this time my boss had gone home and we'd left my workplace to go hang Bill's place) and a toke off a pipe.

We continued to hang out, drink I think I had one more beer) listen to music, talk...and then...*gurgle* *gurgle* "UH-OH" *gurgle* "SHIT" *gurgle* "I godda go to thu..." *bleeuurrbblshtthffff* You ever try to hold back the inevitable? Silly question, I know. By now my brother had left and it was just Bill and I listening to music while I tried to sober up enough to drive home. Bill's passed out on the bed and I'm over on the couch fighting the waves of nausea. For a half an hour. Until I finally realized I had to get to the bathroom before I...too late. Puked down the front of my sweater. Of course, before the puke landed on my sweater I was feebly trying to hold it in my mouth. Ugh...I'm making myself feel worse as I write this. I look over at Bill and he is indeed passed out. I go into the bathroom and proceed to puke more 'cause, you know, holding it in my mouth with all it's acid-y goodness doesn't quite help with keeping those waves of nausea from becoming behemoth bursts of barf. During my misery I manage to miss the toilet, not entirely, and get some of that lumpy, foamy goodness on the bathroom carpet. I then proceed to try to clean myself and the floor up with none other than WET TOILET PAPER. I couldn't very well use the guys towels. I was fucking MORTIFIED. I came out of the bathroom and Bill was awake. He knew what was going on. I think it was three a.m. when I was finally able to stumble outta there and drive home. Bill followed me to the freeway to make sure I was okay. I shudder to think of the state I left his bathroom...I don't remember how well I did with the wet toilet paper! Haven't spoken to him since, as he was just an aquaintence of my brother's who happened to help us unload our container that year.

The next morning, after two hours of "sleep", I made my hungover way to work. I felt horrid but had to go to work because my boss had left to spend the holidays with his family in the midwest. I had to run the office. While running to the bathroom every ten minutes or so to drive the porcelain bus. My boss called to check in and I tried my best not to sound demolished. Oh the hell. By the time the end of the day finally came, I was feeling a little better because I'd managed to keep some dry bread down.

I'm proud to say that I haven't done anything that horrible drinking-wise since. Well, only once. But I only puked once and then it was over. Today I just feel a tinge of squeemish tummy. The headache was squelched some by my friends aspirin and tea. I was smart to stick with mostly beer yesterday. Had some wine with lunch. The cleaning lady left first, then Ron had to go to work and it was just my boss and I hangin' for a while. It was fun talking to him, he's such a nice down to earth guy. He left 'cause he had to get up waaay early this morning to catch a plane back home. I stayed and tooled on the internet a bit 'til I felt good enough to drive. Got home at about nine, got undressed and went to bed. I should have downed some more water before I hit it though, 'cause I had those thirsty dreams again. I hate those. Then I woke up with leather tongue when Ron got home. He brought be a glass of water after saying, "PHEW...you smell like alcohol!" Thanks, honey. I'm glad I felt good enough to drive well. If I'd have gotten pulled over...shit, I don't even wanna think about it. Heh. And I downed that glass of water like I hadn't had a drink in days. Spilled it all over the bed. Asked for more and did the same thing, this time spilling it on my front. Then I zonked out on my wet bed. Joy.

My, this turned into quite the entry, didn't it? It's slow today, of course. I'm in no mood to work, either. Psshhht. What else is new? But I really should get to a few things. And some dry bread sounds great right about now. Later!

It's okay to be a lil' different...

I just had to save the pictures because I've never seen this before! These are blue and gold macaws, one of the most popular large parrots in the pet trade. I guess you could call them the "typical parrot", as these are what most non-bird people think of when it comes to parrots. They're used in movies and t.v. all the time and their very loud voices are usually dubbed over with some stupid "polly want a cracker" generic parrot voice. Anyway, I've never seen them in white and gold or "lutino" (the common name for the yellow mutation in birds) before now. Interesting... Maybe one day I will own a macaw. Only when I live in a nice house with lots of room out back to build my dream aviary...one with real trees and plants. One day...

Ah...good 'ol moody me. I'm in a great mood for a Monday... Feel much better than I did last week. I'm not feeling bratty or irritated at all, a very rare thing, especially on a Monday. I don't feel like beating the shit out of someone (that stupid bitch yelling into her cell phone, that fuckhead who doesn't use his blinker, that screaming child at the grocery store) quite as much anymore. I guess the main thing that I'm happy about is the fact that I got most of my Christmas shopping done this weekend. HURRAY! I always feel so relieved when I finally get started. Every year I tell myself that next year I'll do it earlier and every year I wait until almost the last minute. Not quite the very last minute (ever) because I know I'll have a nervous breakdown if I do. However, I still don't have much holiday spirit. I wasn't even feeling it at the annual family Christmas party yesterday. It was a lovely day but...I just don't feel it. Oh well, it'll be over before I know it. At least I'm somewhat prepared now. And I'm looking very forward to giving Ron his gifts. SSSSSSSsssssssssssshhhh...it's a soooprise!

Well, I'm off to go work. Got tons to do as usual. I just had to take a break, I've been wrapping gifts we need to get out to our best customers. Now I need to wrap more backorders. JOY! Later...

Why suffer?

"OH whyy do I give val-ua-ble tiiiiiiiiiiime...to people who don't caaaaaaare if IIII...lih-hivv or diiiiiiiie?"

Ahh, again the resolve. My priorities are screwed. Case in point, I STILL give a shit what a whole lotta strangers think of me. As always, the answer is right in front of me. I'll never find what I'm looking for on the internet. The eeeevil eeeeeeeeeeeevil internet. There's plenty more to life.

"Why do III SMILE...at people who I'd MUCH rah-ther...KICK IN THE EYE?"

Moving on...

Happy Birthday, Edvard

Edvard Munch, one of my favorite artists.

Cocky now, aren't we

Heh. I watched this Patton interview again the other day. And while I tootled around YouTube for some more Patton interviews and crud (damn that site is addicting, there's everything from classic Sesame Street clips to drunk Russians...just look that one up, I dare ya)I came across this surprisingly recent interview. Wow. Cocky now, aren't we? Interesting how he's so much different from that 1991 interview. The faint innocence in that first interview has completely vanished from the second. He ain't naive no moh! Well naturally, right? He's done and experienced so much in that large span of SIXTEEN years. I wonder where I'll be in sixteen years. I can only hope I'm happy.

In other news, I am completely lame today. This week has been hell because I'm so distracted. I've been putting off...well...everything. Stupid things like washing the car and grocery shopping. It's the same thing. I'm overwhelmed and want to escape. I don't feel like doing all this shit I have to do. I'm still thinking too much. I'm bored, lonely, unmotivated, worried and depressed. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. I don't have to be...there's PLENTY to do. And I miss Ron, he's on that shitty damn schedule again. I'm not letting him know it's bothering me though. No crying! *sigh*

Another thing that's got me down is that I wrote to my cousin on Myspace last week and have heard nothing from her. Same with a couple of the other people. That site makes me feel like I'm in highschool. It makes me feel so insignificant. So stupid. Why should I care? I feel so worthless again today. I'm just dwelling on these feelings, that's why they won't go away. I'm letting fear get in the way. I can't continue to be afraid of life. I don't know. I'm not getting anywhere. Same old crap. I think I'll go get a sandwich.

It's true, I tell you...

Hey, remember bowling night? Well I just received a lovely Christmas card from Cathie with pictures from that night included. Pictures that were taken on an actual FILM camera! They turned out wonderfully, I think.

First off, we have a fairly nice picture of Ron and I. TOGETHER. Without him making a stupid face. I just might FRAME this one! Finally...



We look cheery on this night of bowling and beer. And if you look over there in the left hand corner, you will see the former teen heartthrob in all his bandanna'd glory. Well, not all of it 'cause it's the back of his head.

This adorable picture of Cathy with a "Y" and I gives a frontal view of the Garrett.



Mmmhmm. Woo. OH how I wish it were...



...HE that I would see at some random bowling alley in my hometown. *sigh* I can always hope. I'll get him to do my wedding.

HAH! Later...

No...I'm not, actually.

I was avoiding work again and looked back to see when I'd first posted about Mike Patton. I noticed I called myself a dork there, too. No, I'm not a dork. I just have a crush on Mike Patton. So what. *giggle* *giggle* *swoon* Haha! No really, I'm working I'M WORKING. Blat.

Going my way?

I'd just about shit my pants if I saw Mike hitch hiking. Just about. But I'm sure I'd manage to hold back the shits and tears of joy to pick his fine ass up. I'm not sure, however, if I'd be able to hold back to pukes of nervousness once he got in the car... Heh. Nope, the obsession hasn't faded and Ron keeps feeding it. The internet keeps feeding it, too. Ron and I are such dorks...the other day we were talking about how awesome it would be if Mike could play at our wedding! HAHAHAHAHAA!! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!!!! Yea. *sniff* We are dweebs. Well, I am anyway. I'm totally in love with this guy! I do believe I WILL meet him some day. I've never wanted to meet anyone so badly in my life. Not even Eddie Vedder. I know Eddie, I know...don't be jealous. I was watching the movie "Singles" the other day and that scene with Eddie Vedder...the one where they're watching that nature show about bees on t.v. GAWD. I just wanna...yea...squish 'im, of course! But I wanna squish Mike more! Give him a big hug and say, "Thanks for the genuine entertainment..." Then we shall all go and have a martini...

Ahem...

So this weekend. And the rest of last week. Blur. ALL OF IT. What the fuck is with time FLYING?! It sucks!! Christmas is coming!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! The wedding is coming!!! HOLY FUCK!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Put on the brakes! Put on the fucking BRAKES!!! I have too much to doooo and I...I...I... Need to breathe. I've started thinking of ideas for Christmas. Last year I had no idea what to get Ron and this year I have tons of ideas. I just have to get it all done. Soon. And be all spirited about it and shit.

I'm moving right along on the wedding plans. Got a photographer picked out. I'm pretty sure who I'm gonna go with. I've also found a hairdresser and someone to possibly print my invites. Gonna meet with the invite girl on Friday. Now what I'm really worried about is finding a DJ. Ron keeps saying he knows someone for this and that, but he is lagging. We need to get these things booked! That's the fly in my ointment right now. Making me too nervous. Nuff wedding talk for now...

Then there's work. I'm getting a little burnt out. Lots to do. Bored. I'm worried about my professional future. I know I can't stay here forever. I know that within the next year or two I'm gonna have to move on. *gulp* And of course there's plenty of work to do for the here and now. I gotta get back at it because it's waiting for me. Later...

This entry brought to you by

Heh...got an idea from Onewetleg a little while ago. And she's right. No one cares what you had for lunch. But what the hell. Yesterday I had one of my favorites and I've decided to share because I can't think of anything original to write about on this stupid blog. And I'm bored. And I had to scan something again. AND I should be working. What else is new?



I had cut up hotdogs in it, too. Shut up. I know I'm still seven years old at heart. I used to line these up on my spoon, biggest to smallest. I'd make little pillars out of them. I'd try to put the biggest one around the tip of my tongue. I still do those things sometimes. When the mood strikes! Mmmmm, sodium rich canned food. So very satisfying!

Erg. I have so much to do, not only at work but for the wedding, the holidays, etc... I'm trying not to get overwhelmed. I certainly don't want a repeat of a few weeks ago. This time of year is always stressful for everyone, isn't it? Ugh. Eeeg. Arrghghh. That's why I'm taking this time out to share my love of Spag-O's. Awright, time to finish my froot loops and get to work.

Bye bye.

There's only one word to describe it

GLUTTON. I was a complete and total GLUTTON over the long weekend. Had aaaalll sorts of plans but didn't get off my ass to do much of anything...but eat, of course. That's all fine and dandy while I'm on my little mini vacay, but it's a huge a slap in the face come mOnDaY morning. Ugh. Now it's back to the grind. Not much to say this morning, other than I wish I were still in bed.

Oh wait...

There IS something else!

IT RAINED this morning! AND we had to turn on the HEATER last night! For the first time this season!! Is winter coming? FINALLY?!?! I'm gonna have a bowl of hot soup for lunch to celebrate.

'Kay...that's all for now.

Thanksgivin'

Well happy Thanksgiving to ya'll! I love Thanksgiving, it's one of my favorite holidays. Now if the weather would just cool down. It's still in the low 80s. Though it's supposed to cool down more by tomorrow and the next day. There was some telltale fog this morning, too. The fog that always comes the morning of a big tempurature change... I really want some weather now. It's hard to get into the spirit of the holidays when it's still so fucking hot out.

'Kay...'nuff about the weather...

Thanks for all the compliments on my artwork guys! Keeps me inspired. Drawing has become fun again. I was feeling a bit of an artist's block over the past few years due to the usual pressure that I put on myself. "I should be doing something with this! I should be making tons of money! Why aren't I doing anything with this?!?!" That's finally starting to ease up. I'll always be an artist no matter what I do with it. I enjoy sharing my art with others. It may turn into something, it may not. Heh...I guess in the spirit of Thanksgiving week, I should give thanks for my talent!

Speaking of inspiration, I met up with an old aquaintence/contact I'd done some illustrations for about three years ago. He's another artist, a writer and musician. He's done four short children's books and has asked me to work on another one with him. This time he's got a publisher. A small publisher, but it's a start. He'd submitted his other children's book that we'd worked on three years ago to about 50 publishers, larger companies, that probably didn't even look at it before they slipped the rejection letter in and sent it right back. Typical for this sort of thing. Didn't bother me none. I know these things are all about timing... He was very disappointed and put the project aside. But we've kept in touch through emails. I also had my other project to work on (speaking of which, I haven't heard from that lady in a couple of months so that one is sittin' pretty) so I didn't care. I have a good attitude about these things. They will happen when they happen. I can keep working on projects to build up a portfolio of sorts. Most importantly, I can't let career pressure ruin the joy of it.

Yeap... SOooo...

Mark, the artist dude, contacted me a few weeks ago and we got together over this past weekend to go over his new children's book. It's all written and all he needs are the illustrations. The publisher he wants to use has already published a book his short stories. First thing's first, I asked him to mail me a copy so I can get started on character development. Another fun little side project for me. Another thing that keeps me inspired. I'm also finally going to meet up with a group of artists that he's been telling me about. They get together for potlucks and such, just a bunch of other artists doing their own thing. I'd get periodic emails from Mark about their events and would brush them off. Now I'm ready to socialize with them...there are plenty of opportunities in doing so and what can it hurt? I'd love to meet more crazy artists!

On that note, I'm gonna leave you with some more drawings. I did these for work a few months ago. Needed for a new design idea...


Oooooh! It's Jesus! In't he sweet?

And we can't have Jesus without the beautiful Mary...



Later!

All done!

Ooooh-kayy! Here it is! I'm so very happy with how this drawing turned out. Like I said before, I'm gonna leave it black and white for the invitations. I'm also going to have them shrink it some. I want it to be above or below the wording on the front. Now I just have to take it in somewhere to get it done! Woopie! I finished another drawing! Finally...

Our Anniversary...and why it's good to think ahead

Yesterday was the anniversary of Ron and my engagement. Wow. That sure flew, didn't it? We had a lovely evening. But not before I had an anxiety attack. I am SUCH a baby. It was the usual stressing over things that needn't be stressed about. In this case, it was getting Ron a little something special. Sometimes I really SUCK at being thoughtful. I'd already gotten him a nice card, but wanted to add a little something else. At the last minute. I'd thought about it all week, decided just a card was fine, that we should just celebrate each other on the day. And then I had to go and change my mind At the last minute. I'll ask myself again. Why OH WHY do I do this to myself?

This is what happened... The day started out fine. I was content with the nice card I'd gotten Ron over the weekend. It had beautiful words and I'd done a very nice drawing in it and that was that. Right? WRONG. At about 2 p.m. on the day of our anniversary, I'd decided that I needed to do a little something else for him. Get a little somethin' special for us as a couple. But for the life of me, I could not figure out what to do. By the time I got off of work I was so desperate and anxious that I called Melanie AND Lisa for suggestions. They suggested great things. Great things that I couldn't possibly get done in the half an hour I had before I needed to be home so we could go to dinner.

I decided there was time to do a little shopping near work. I parked my car near the bank because I that was an errand I needed to run before going home as well. I'd known of this cute gift shop not too far from the bank, full of perfect little lovey-dovey things. I thought of getting us something we could use together on the day, you know, and all that worthless lame crap. I saw another shop I thought might have something I needed (Lisa had suggested getting a nice frame for a formal pic of us, to be taken at a later date) but nothing came close. After wasting time in that shop, I went on to look for the one I'd originally thought of. I couldn't find it. I swear, the sidewalk had opened up and sucked it down. By this time I was starting to panic. And panic over the fact that I was panicking over NOTHING and that I shouldn't pressure myself so damn much. I decided forego the shop for now and head to the bank because I had some checks I needed to get in my account so that I could pay some big bills the next day. The shop would surely be in the direction of the bank, right? Wrong again.

I'm walking to the bank trying to get the rolodex in my mind to STOP so I can concentrate. Ron calls my cell. So I'm talking to Ron when I arrive at the ATM. At this point, there is too much running through my mind. This last minute shopping set me up to have a breakdown while I was at the ATM. I was talking to Ron on the phone and trying to make a deposit. He had called wondering where I was and I told him about the picture idea and how I'd gotten anxious over getting him something special blah, blah...

He's like, "It's okay honey, don't stress. I don't care, just getcher ass home."
I'm like, "I WILL...just as soon as I make this deposit, dammit."

Well, some dude had come up behind me in the meantime and made an irritated noise. I guess was taking longer than my alotted 15 seconds. This was the trigger. Without even turning around or getting off the phone, I told the guy to quit being such an impatient asshole and he, in turn, called me the asshole and blah, blah so on and so forth... Commence complete and total freak out. Suddenly, I couldn't add up what I was depositing (because I can't seem to do things ahead of time and because I am an idiot who has to yell rude things at strangers) so I started asking (screeching pleading) poor Ron to add up my deposit. Of course he could't understand what the fuck I was saying because I was hysterically YELLING and the phone volume was apparently up too loud. He'd kept informing me of this earlier in the coversation and I'd kept fiddling with the buttons on the side of the phone, all while trying to find the shop, the bank, my sanity, etc... It was a beautiful moment in life. But it gets even better... The ATM wanted to get in on the fun. It froze up on me. So I'm standing there yelling and crying and pounding the fucking ATM buttons. I must've looked like such an ASS to the guy behind me and God knows who else on the street. I didn't even turn around to look at the guy behind me because by this time my face was flaming from embarrassment and frustration. I've got tears streaming and snot flying...I literally lauched a snot ball onto the ATM screen. NO joke!

After all this, I got the damn machine to spit out my card and didn't even get to make the deposit. OR get anything for Ron. Fabulous. I had to go home before I had a heart attack. I'd managed to irritate the holy fuck out of Ron because of my sniveling, outlandish, totally INSANE behavior. Lovely. He'd tried as much as he could to calm me down, then ran out of patience and told me to get the hell home. It's so great to piss off your loved one ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY. THAT was my gift to Ron. An anxiety attack.

By the time I got home I'd mostly calmed down. Ron gave me a big hug. He also gave me a beautiful bouqet of flowers and an awesome sketchbook. It's really fancy with gold-edged pages and gold filigree on the cover. And he loved my card. I then took HIM out to a cozy Mexican dinner. We had some margaritas, fajitas and a tostada and traded our plates back and forth. Mmmmm-mmm!

Yes, another incident. I haven't had one in a while. Ron is handling them better, though they frustrate him a lot. As is very understandable. I am not as crazy, anxious and stupid as I think I am. I am fine. Everything is fine. There is no reason to get so worked up over these things! And the battle continues...

Wedding invitation...AAAaalmost!

Okay, so finally...THIS is how far I've gotten on my invitation drawing...



This weekend, so help me God, I am going to finish the damn vine! I've actually gotten further than this on the vine part, but I still have to add leaves and ink to it. That's tedious. And I'm lazy. I love how this has turned out so much...that I'm probably going to get it as my fourth tattoo. Definately have to think about it longer, not to mention decide just where on my body it's gonna go. So after the wedding. AFTER the wedding for sure.

Data entry makes me do crazy things...

Like take a much-needed monotony break to do something "artistic". Yup, I'm at it with the scanner again. Heh. Say hello to Gladys.

Weather Gods

Oh yea...and could someone please tell the weather gods that it is supposed to be FALL now! It's fucking 90 degrees in Southern California today! This is BULLSHIT! I WANT TO WEAR A SWEATER, DAMMIT!

News

I'm finally starting to get on the wedding planning ball. I purchased my wedding dress on Sunday! No pics yet, I can't even find it on the website...but it's hanging in my closet in a garment bag. I LOVE IT!!! I'd had a favorite from last time and they still had it in stock so I tried it on again. Then I asked if they could find an alternative one that was similiar to it so that I could compare one more time. I ended up picking the alternative! It's lovely...just a little unique, but nothing too spectacular. I'm very happy with my decision. I made sure to put it far in the back of my closet, away from Ron's prying eyes. I also warned him about seeing it before the day and he, being a guy and all, only needs one warning when it comes to this kind of stuff. Then it's just, "Alright honey, whatever you say." Give or take an eyeroll... Heh!

Melanie, Lisa and I dove headfirst into planning on Sunday. Not only did we get my dress, we also picked out the bridesmaid dresses! AND we got together for coffee before we went dress shopping so that we could go over dates and guest lists for bridal showers and the bachelorette party. AAaaand we had a ton of fun doing everything! It was so much fun trying on dresses with them. I love how the bridesmaid dresses we picked coordinate with my dress. Lovely, lovely... So as of today, we have coordinated a great list of contacts. We've also started looking into the photographer and DJ, because those are the FIRST things that need to be booked...like...yesterday. As I get things done and get more information I feel less stressed. I just keep telling myself, after all it's only a wedding. It doesn't have to be the end all, be all of everything. I'm a very simple girl when it comes to these things. All I want is a nice celebration, not an extravaganza! It's the marriage that's much more important.

On the mom front, she's feeling better. She's had a therapist come and walk her around a lot since the accident, only two weeks ago. So she's back on her feet and will be her fiesty old self within a month or so. I'm gonna go visit her and spend the night this Saturday. Ron will follow me there and hang out with us for dinner, then I'm gonna spend the night by myself. I'll probably have a nice Sunday breakfast with my parents and even *gasp* go to church with them! I don't think the place will burn down when I walk through the doors 'cause it's only been about four months since I last went to church. I'ma great Catholic. Ah...but that'sa WHOLE 'nuther story. Before I write a book, I gotta get back to work.

And this one is about nothing

I'm so blah today. I feel poopie. I'm not motivated an' they be lots 'o work to do. As usual, when the boss is gone the phone goes crazy. People calling who want this and that and that and this and I have no idea what they're talking about because my boss has all that with him. Just gotta write it all down and report it like a good little girl. Yes, that's me. I'm SOOOoooo mutherfuckin' GOOD.

So good that I'm taking a break to write some bullshit. This week has been okay. I'm stressing over things so that's making it a little tough. I've been trying to get the exercise in to take my mind off things and help with the stress levels. Went for a great walk with my brother last night. Did a buttload of leg crunches on Monday. Tomorrow after work I'm gonna take the stair climbing to a new level. It helps a lot when I'm feeling bad. It's like, at least I'm trying to keep in shape! And we've been keeping up with the less drinking and smoking thing. 'Cept for Tuesday...we were kinda bad. Went to Melanie's house to do the Halloween candy give-out thing. It was fun, Tyra and her adorable little one were there. We didn't dress up, just wore black outfits...simple black top with simple black pants. I'd dressed in my favorite repeat Halloween costume for Lisa's party on Saturay night...a sexy skunk. I found it about five years ago at some costume emporium joint. I love it! I won a lil' 'ol prize for it at the party, too. Heh.

So...Halloween night we drank wine, ate Melanie's wonderful chili, drank wine, gave out candy, drank wine, ATE candy of course (Melanie just HAD to have peanut butter cups and I cannot leave those alone), drank wine, watched silly Halloween movies and drank wine. I was slumped and drooling all over Ron by 9:30. It was cozy. He's trying to watch a movie, I'm all wishy-washy wine drunk. There's nothing like the wine drunk...it's just different. So cloudy and slurry. And thirsty. I went to bed that night and had a thousand thirsty dreams until I finally got my ass up and slurped a gallon of water from the kitchen faucet. You know the thirsty dreams...searching for water fountains, sinks, fridges with milk or coke...you find them and drink and drink and drink...just like the toilet dreams when ya gotta pee. I hate those. Searching for toilets and peeing and peeing and PEEING. Haven't actually peed the bed though, thank the Lord. Last time I did that I was like, six. Anyway, what the hell am I talking about pee for? That was my Halloween.

Tonight we're going bowling with the two girls Cathy. At least I think we are. Haven't heard from them yet. Come to think of it, I'm gonna go email them now. End of boring entry. Back to work. After the emails, of course. Later!

Anxious

I'm feeling very anxious and depressed this morning. It's been a good while since I've felt this way. I'm worrying and worrying about everything from the wedding, my job, my living situation, my health to the state of the world today, the future...AAAAAAAAAAA!!!! The 'what if's' are gangin' up on me, maaan!

I'll write it down. Read it over. And think. R-E-L-A-X. Does this help? Somewhat. I'm going to go have some caffine now. That should help me relax. HAH!