Picture entry!

Some fun pictures I found on my camera... The dirty Stan and Praying Mantis were taken on the same day. Stan destroyed the poor Mantis about 30 minutes after the picture was taken... We should have hid her when we let him out. Poor thing.

I must say I'm loving this busy at work thing. I'm getting SO much done! It feels great. I'm off to pack orders now, one of the last times I'm going to have to do that...for a while I hope. The packing lady is coming back on Monday.

Later!

What else can I say?

I've been sooooooooooo busy. I knew this would happen...no more time for blogging! OH MY GAAAD!!! I have like...WORK to do and shit. So I've got a few minutes right now while I'm eating lunch.

News of the week? Or...uh...almost TWO weeks? I had my first wedding shower this past Sunday! I've been to many, many a bridal shower and it was so much fun to actually be the bride this time! I've planned on having two showers, one given by my sister-in-law, Kristy and the other given by good 'ol Melanie and Lisa, my two childhood friends. The one on Sunday was Kristy's creation. She and three of my cousins, Cathy, Debra and Janine put it together and it was beautiful. The tables were set with gorgeous dinnerware, there were white balloons with curly strings hanging from the ceiling, flowers everywhere and not to mention the FOOD. The food was fantastic! Bridal shower luncheons usually consist of mostly salads and bread so this one was very traditional in that aspect. 'Cept the salads were each so unique. They went together very well. And there were chocolate covered strawberries! YUMMY!

I got lots of great gifts, of course. Things I'd registered for and things I had not. We made a nice pile of them and took a picture. Then I had my mom take them to her house because there was no way in HELL I could possibly fit all that stuff in my postage stamp house. Thanks mom! And Kristy gave me one of the best gifts of all... She got me thank you cards and addressed them to all the people who had come. She even included the stamps! She's so thoughtful!

Next weekend I'm hoping to get together with a few of the bridesmaids and my mom so that we can get these gorgeous invites out. Of course! That's another thing! The invites turned out PERFECT! I'm so glad I went with that lady instead of going to Kinko's. They are just precious! So original and just what I pictured.

The weekend after next is the friend bridal shower on the 11th. This is when time begins to fly fly FLY! I'm stressing and want it to be over already, but at the same time I'm very excited. Typical.

Okay, got loads to do. Later!

Working out the kinks

Happy day after stupid sappy hearts and flowers day. I hate Valentine's day. A stupid Hallmark holiday. Fuck, it's not even a HOLIDAY! A holiday, in my book, is a day you get to spend off of work, in your pjs all day, eating peanut butter out of the jar while sitting on the couch in front of the t.v. like a lazy slob. I told Ron, again, that he's done enough for me this year. He actually gave me an early V-day present, some more Mike Patton work...some Tomahawk CDs. I got him a nice card (damn HALLMARK, I still can't help it!) and I'm gonna make him a wonderful dinner this weekend. I always like to give him things he can use or do things for him. It's more fun that way.


Speaking of Mike Patton, haven't had a moment in a while. Let us have a moment, shall we? No, do not tell me you are sick of him! NO! Haha...


Who is the dork in the sunglass made into specs? I have no idea. But Mike looks so cute in this picture. Sunglasses guy looks lame. I hate it when people make sunglasses into glasses, it looks SO lame.


Ahem.



Hehehehehe...he looks wasted in this one!


One day last week, while browsing for more Mike pics, I came across a survey posted by some teenie bopper. It asked readers to vote on who is cuter, Mike Patton or Johnny Depp. After I finished rolling my eyes, I read some of the responses...


Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp...of course! Who doesn't think Johnny Depp is cute? Ugh...


I'm so fucking TIRED of Johnny Depp I can puke. I'll admit that I thought he was cute during his 21 Jumpstreet days. Had a magazine picture or two up on my bedroom wall... I also loved him in Edward Scissorhands. But now, he's played out. Yes, he's a good actor...but so many women list him as their celeb crush. *YAWN* I've always been the type to not like things that everyone else likes. If it gets too popular, I can't STAND it. Like those stupid fucking mini coopers I keep seeing all over the road. Those things are so trendy. I hate trendy shit! Anyway, I'm getting off on another one of my tangeants...

While we're looking at cute men. Let's move away from fantasy land.


Ronnie poop with his hairlip smile and me with a smile that doesn't show all my huge teeth for a change. 'Member this one? I think I posted it a while back. It's from the car show we went to over the summer. It was hotter than hell that day...


Now let's get to what's going on THIS week. Busy busy BUSY. Work is BUSY! And I LOVE it! It's so good to have the owner back! Working with her has been so productive. We are reorganizing this place and it's already much better. We communicate well and I actually know what's going on now. I still miss the old boss though, he was such a nice laid back guy. But he was a little too laid back. He wasn't very organized at all. Typical man. But he was a great salesman. You know how it goes. Different people are good at different things.


Enough about work. Always a bad idea to blog too much about work. What else is going on? Hmmm...well... I went to a preliminary appointment with a counselor this past Saturday. Whenever there are lots of changes going on in my life, I find it necessary to talk to someone. There's too much going on in my little mind. Marriage is right around the corner. That's the biggest thing on my plate right now. And I can't WAIT to move. I just keep turning the same crap around in my mind over and over and over. It feels good to get it out.


I also went to a massage therapist on Saturday afternoon to get some of these knots kneaded. It felt great! I was so relaxed on Saturday evening. I unloaded my mind and muscles. Then we went for an OUTSTANDING sushi dinner. So very relaxing... Though unfortunately, my back started to knot up again by Sunday night. We'd spent Sunday doing my least favorite thing...shopping. We just joined one of those wholesale warehouse clubs. And I thought regular grocery shopping was bad. Try shopping in a huge, crowded warehouse. What a fucking nightmare. But I now have enough cat food and litter for Stan to eat and shit for the next twelve years.


I can't believe it's Thursday again already. I should get back to it. I needed a break, as usual. Time to work. Oh yes, and I have a cold coming on. I feel like shit. I'd better go take an aspirin. Later!

Love you

Last weeks problems have been solved and it's on to this weeks problems. The owner is here with me at work. It feels so good not to be alone! We are going through issues one by one and methodically solving each. I didn't realize how much I had missed her. So far it's been great working with her. I feel like we are getting things done. And she really made me feel good when she got here, as she made sure to tell me that she was very impressed with the way I handled the window situation. Little by little we are cleaning this place up. My old boss is still working with us some, too. He and the owner are friends and he wasn't just going to leave us in a lurch. He's such a nice person, of course he's still going to help us! He'll just do it from the comfort of home.

Everything else is fine. I'm still stressed though. It's the story of my life. My back feels like one giant knot again. It's pulling in so many places. I need a deep tissue massage in a bad way and I think I might just take the time to get one. Someday soon. Before I lose my mind. I'm taking a little break from wedding stuff this week. But we have to get back on top of things next week. I expect to be able to pick up the finished invitations by next week and we'll go from there. I have to start meeting up with vendors again to get all the details worked out. Whoo.

So now I will leave you with some pictures from Rons camera. Yes, more lovey cute piccies. Yay!


The happy couple.


The other happy couple.


Kissy kissy!


Can't have enough pics of the fish tank!!


...or the cat.


Yea Stan... Stretch it!!

Back to work for me. Happy Thursday!

Early

It feels very early right now. Probably because I only got about three hours of sleep last night. Yes, the madness continues. My boss is now gone and I am alone at the office again. As I've said before, it's usually when I'm alone that the shit hits the fan. Or in this case, the rock hits the window. I got a call from our alarm company at 10:30 last night saying that the police responded to an alarm and found one of our giant front windows broken. The cops called shortly after that saying that they were at the office and waiting for someone to come file a report and take care of the window situation. Thankfully, Ron has been working days again this week so he was home and I didn't have to deal with this alone. We jumped in the car and arrived at the office 20 minutes later to talk to the cops. Turns out we weren't the only victims. Some dickhead had paraded down the boulevard randomly breaking windows in anger. There were several other incidents last night. I was relieved to find out that there wasn't any theft, just vandalism.

After the cops left, Ron and I entered the office to assess the situation. He started sweeping up glass and I got on the internet to find a 24 hour emergency glass/board up service. Something one doesn't know exists until there is such an emergency. You know that operator message that goes, "We're sorry, the number you have dialed has been disconnected..."? That's a terrible thing to hear at 11:30 at night when you're trying to get something of this nature resolved so that you can go the fuck home and get some sleep. After more than a few such messages I was delighted to hear an actual human being answer the phone. He took down my information and said he'd be right out. Yay. Except "right out" meant at least 30 to 45 minutes, as he was located about 20 miles away. Boo. He finally arrived at 12:45 a.m. By this time Ron had gone to sleep on the bed conveniently located in the upstairs office. Yes, there is a sort of bedroom here for the owner to use when she comes to visit from Poland. It's quite comfortable, I've come to find. So Ron is snoring away upstairs and I'm dealing with a little weird dude...he showed up in a cherry red, 1987 Honda Accord. Two giant particle boards sticking out of the hatchback. Oooooh...a professional! He was nice enough but...there was just something...you know...strange about him. Well, you gotta wonder about anyone who has a job like that. Boarding up windows in the middle of the night, what a lovely and upstanding position to hold. Again, I was so happy to have Ron with me, even though he was sleeping 'cause he had to get up at 4:30 a.m. in order to make it to work by 6 a.m.

Little dude took almost two hours to get the job half done. He was fucking around with his tape measure for what seemed like years before he finally got to work. About 45 minutes into the job he had to leave and get more wood from God knows where. He came back 15 minutes later and tooled around some more. I was pacing the office. I'd go upstairs and lay down with Ron for a bit and then go back downstairs to check on dude. He'd finally covered most of the window by 2:30 a.m. and told me he'd come back first thing in the morning to finish up and secure the thing. I told him to please come back at 9 a.m. As I'm writing this, it is now 9:45 a.m. and he's still not here. I've talked to the owner and she gave me the name of a trusted glass guy in the area. I called him about an hour ago and he said he'd be out this morning. So now I'm just waiting. And waiting. And drinking coffee. And thinking about all the things I still need to do before the owner arrives on Sunday. In my pj top and jeans. With no bra. I'm a quite a sight at the moment. Heh. I'm thinking I'll need to come in for a few hours tomorrow to finish some things. I can't really concentrate right now. I think I'm gonna call the glass guy again and see where he is. I need an estimate before I file a claim with our insurance company. We have quite the deductible.

I got to bed by about 3 a.m. Sleeping (or trying to sleep) in that bed was interesting. There's a down comforter on it. Those things are HOT. Especially when you're wearing a top, sweater jacket and jeans. I woke up sweating at 6:30. Had trouble getting back to sleep so I just got up. Now my eyes are burning and I have that awful, familiar no-sleep feeling. I can't wait to go home. Alright, it's almost ten and I've heard nothing. Shit. Maybe I'll be back later to talk about how the rest of my week has gone.

Bizzy

Hoooo! Still hangin' in there! I'm in the midst of office cleaning and organizing this week. Still tying up loose ends, trying to keep up with daily crap...the usual. I'm hoping to be all moved downstairs by the end of Monday. Exhilarating, I tell you.

The exhilaration continues with the weekly wedding planning update. BREAKING NEWS! I've got ALL my vendors! The photographer, the DJ, the flower guy, the minister and I chose the last one, the cake lady, yesterday. That was the highlight of my day. I got to taste some truly scrumptious cakes! The easiest decision of all! Two bites of the moist, fluffy yellow cake with strawberry filling and I was sold. So I got a three-layer dealie 'cause I've got around 100 people on the guest list. I chose yellow cake with raspberry cream filling (oOoOoOH) for the bottom layer, chocolate marble with custard filling (eEeEEeeeughghgg) for the middle and yellow cake with strawberry cream filling (AaAaAaaHhhH) for the top. Whoopie whoopie yay yay! I think I've chosen my vendors well. They all seem like nice, down to earth people and a few have worked with each other many times before. Now it's time to get down to all the little details. The fun part! Right? Heh...

My invitations are at the printer. OH how I can't WAIT to see how they're gonna turn out! There was a little drama (in my head) with the printer because the first estimates I'd gotten from her were outrageous! I'd found her online and gotten together with her at the beginning of December. A very nice lady who runs her own small shop. We connected and talked easily because she is a fellow animal lover and bird owner. She's got an aviary of canaries and parakeets and a little male lovie, too! Of course she adored my lovebird design and was eager to work with me. After chatting for two hours, both about our respective pets and the project at hand, we came up with three design options. She emailed me the three estimates a few days later and I was FLOORED at the prices! This was right around when the holidays were at their hairiest so I put off calling and discussing the estimates until afterwards.

In the meantime, I stewed. At first I kept thinking, "Shit, she was such a nice lady, I thought she'd give me a better deal! I'm gonna go to Kinko's where I should have gone in the first place! I can buy a fucking used car for these prices!" I'm glad I took some time to think about it because I inevitably came to my senses. I was being unfair because I didn't do my homework and had never even given the poor lady a budget to work with! When I'd orginally met with her, I hadn't a clue what the going rate of invitation printing was! Kinko's here I come! Naturally, the project is muuuuch cheaper to do at Kinko's. That's because I'd have to do everything myself. Choose a design from the pages and pages of the binders full of wedding invite examples, the stacks and stacks of special papers, envelopes, fonts, cards...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have that much energy!! I just want someone to ask me what I want and show me the best options! Therefore, I compromised...took the Kinko's price to the nice lady and she totally worked around it for me! Who KNEW that all I had to do was ASK! Sometimes I amaze myself. *sigh*

Another thing about this lady is that she's got an indoor aviary that she might be able to give me. She just has to ask her husband if it's okay. They have to make sure that they won't need it for anything, you know...before they go and give it away! I hope it works out because I'd love to put my guys in something bigger that they can actually fly around in. The aviary is supposed to be able to be separated in two areas so that I can put two different species in it. It's a good idea to keep the lovebirds and the parrotlet separated...they need their own spaces. They'd fight and get all stressed out if I put them together. Yea.

Okay, that's all for now. I have to get back to work. I've been doing this in between and I really need to concentrate now. Lots more to do!

Serenity NOW!

To say this week has been busy would be the understatement of the year. Work has been INSANE. SO, I'm taking a break to write, dammit! I've been alone at the office again. My boss left Monday to attend his last convention while with the company. So that leaves me here to tie up loose ends from my week away, deal with the shitload of daily issues (always MORE when the boss is gone) and try to get things together for the big change. I haven't even finished closing up 2006...ugh... I also have to move my work space to a desk in another part of the office. In other words, everything is a fucking MESS! I'll get through it slowly but surely... Just have to quell the urge to panic. Not an easy feat for me. I let myself get way too overwhelmed on Monday and ended up getting physically ill, as in having to pull the car over and PUKE as I was on my way to the accountants office. That was fun. I'm sure the two cars that drove by while I was yacking really enjoyed the scene. Whenever I get so nervous that I barf, I know I have to pull the needle off the record and silence my thoughts. Which I did. I sat in the car for a few minutes and gathered myself. Since then I've managed to get a lot done, both at work and at wedding planning. Yay me!

So I haven't worked with the owner of the company much since I started here three years ago. From what I remember, she is type A alla way! That's not necessarily a bad thing, just something I have to get used to again. She'll have me running all over the place when she first arrives. She'll want everything organized to a teeee... She'll have a million ideas running through her head and will want to share them with me. ALL AT ONCE. She's actually quite funny when she gets going. I love it when she's so worked up that she can't even finish a sentence! I have actually changed a lot since I last really worked with her. I'm thinking we'll work well together. I'm HOPING we work well together!

And wedding planning, wedding planning, WEDDING PLANNING. It's getting down to the wire. All kinds of shit needs to get done between now and April. To think I originally wanted my wedding in February of this year! HAH! I really would've had to get off my ass on the planning LONG before I did. Yeap. Glad we changed it to April. I'm soooo not into this. Yes, I want a nice day. Yes, I want to celebrate with friends and family. NO, I don't want to plan what is essentially a huge party! I have never planned a party in my life! I'm all about small social gatherings so this is quite the undertaking for me. All the damn details. I just want someone else to do it. Wake up and SURPRISE! It's your wedding day! Everything is done and simple and lovely! Right. This is also the time when the "what ifs" start. What if any of the vendors screws up, doesn't show up? What if it rains? What if my cousin(s) drink too much? What if my mom has a diabetic reaction? What if I throw up all over my dress while trying to deliver my vows? WHAT IF I FORGET SOMETHING???!!!

It'll all be fine.

It'll all be fine.

It'll all be fine.

How many jillions of people have gotten married?! I must calm myself. Then I think, how many jillions of people have getten divorced?! That's another thing that's been on my mind. I'm getting married. I want this to last. I know it's not always going to be easy. I must not give up like so many others have. Marriage is not a doomed institution! There are just too many people getting married too young, or for the wrong reasons... Too many people who are chronologically old enough to get married, but are too immature to grasp the real concept of marriage. Spoiled people who don't want to compromise... People from an entirely different generation that's all about self gratification. But really, I'm ready for this. I'm sure. I won't be a statistic! Dammit!

Alright, shit...I gotta wrap up. It's jogging time again. I've been a bad girl and have been eating too much. My thighs and stomach feel so flabby. I don't even want to know what I weigh. I've always been of the mindset that if I look good and my clothes still fit (barely) it's fine. Just cut down on the portions. Fuck, I'm Italian! I LOVE EATING. I can't give it up. I can, however, exercise to keep things under control. So here I go. Right now. Bye bye.

I needed that

Well, it's the last day of my week long vacation. A vacation that I really needed. I didn't do much, but that's what vacations are for. I spent some time with friends, slept too much, worked on wedding details and read some books. I actually went to the local library and got a library card. I totally forgot how fun the library is. I used to go there all the time with my friend Cathy. We used to rollerblade there, pick out some books, read some and then rollerblade home. A nice way to spend the afternoon. Hmmm...she still lives pretty darn close to me. We should do that again... Whuddya think, Cathy?

Anyway, it's time to get back into work mode. I'm kind of excited/nervous because there are going to be some big changes at the office. The Friday before my vacation I found out that my lovely boss had given his resignation to the owner at the beginning of the year. His last day will be the 31st. I was expecting this...he's been with the company for six years and has worked in our office for three. He'd been working from his home in St. Louis, Missouri before he came to L.A. His working at the office in L.A. was supposed to be a temporary thing, but he ended up staying for a lot longer than he'd planned. He's always been a travelling salesman and was used to being away from his home and family for long periods of time, however, this was getting to be too much for him. Especially since he HATES L.A. Can't say I blame him there. I hate it and I was born here. So he says that it's time for him to move on. I'm really going to miss him. Now the owner, who had moved to Poland to live with her husband and help with the alcohol business they have over there, is moving back to L.A. to sort out things out. She was actually planning to do so anyway since the business really needs to be revamped. My boss' resignation just put the fire under her ass. I'm glad because I feel like the place needs some changes. Who knows what's going to happen...she may even decide to sell. I've been thinking about what I'm going to do a lot lately. I'm going to see what happens with the owner back. After the wedding I'm probably going to start putting my feelers out just so I have some other options. I'm nervous but I've been thinking about how much I need a change so much... Even a little change is good.

Okay, I've gotta go get my stank ass in the shower. I just went for a nice, long jog. Here...have some pictures of the birdies. I recently got some great ones of them hangin' at the local water hole. The digicam I got Ron for Christmas works great!







And then we have the adorable lovies sittin' on my arm while I'm at the 'puter. I can't even tell them apart by looks anymore! Pickles is still doing SO well... He's a happy little birdy now that he's got his flock established.


"Let's you an' me get outtah here... How 'bout my place?"


"First, let me whisper in your ear..."

Another year

Gone in a flash. I'm looking forward to another good year. Sure, the past year has had its ups and downs but it's been good altogether. I guess if I were to resolve to do anything, it would be to have a better attitude. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Stop worrying so much. Be thankful for what I have. Look ahead to the future.

You're not alone

Although you my feel that way. Wow, it's been a week. I'm getting bored with blogging again. Things are gonna change, I can feel it. "SOOOyyyy...un PERDIDOORRrrr!!! I'ma loser bay-beeehhh...so why don't ya kill me! Get crazy with duh cheeze whiz!"

Ahem...

Okay, hilights from Christmas...

*Ron and I loved each other's gifts. My favorite by far...autographed pic of Mike Patton.
*My stomach felt like shit all weekend.
*My neice is a sweet, thoughtful girl...my nephew is a typical 16 year old selfish asshole.
*The food was okay, not homemade this year.
*Finally got a George Forman grill, thanks mom and dad!
*Tequila

Onward to the new year...

Mmmfffmmmffmfmffmmm...Bbbllleeeccchhh

OoOoOoOoOooOOooooOOoohhh...my hay-ed. Not feeling too hot this morning. Annual work holiday party yesterday. If you wanna call it a party. The four of us...boss, Ron, the cleaning lady and I, ate lunch together. Had a little soiree, we did. What made it a soiree instead of just a plain 'ol lunch party, you ask?



Yep, that was the work fridge yesterday. WAS. It's considerably more empty of alcoholic beverages today thanks to our efforts. At least I didn't mix like I did at the holiday party two years ago. I learned my lesson the hard way. Ah yes, what a lovely memory... Let us diverge to the story of that particular work holiday party, shall we? My boss and I, my brother Steve and his friend Bill had our celebratory sushie lunch together that day. There I was, all proud of myself for always having been a "resposible drinker" never having spewed my gut loot after downing a few too many, EVER. "I'm fine", I thought, after two glasses of champagne (DEADLY) and two more glasses of wine. "I'm swell", I still thought, after two beers and a vodka and water drink. "Ev-er-ee-thingz juss daaaaandy", runs through my slushy mind after two MORE beers (by this time my boss had gone home and we'd left my workplace to go hang Bill's place) and a toke off a pipe.

We continued to hang out, drink I think I had one more beer) listen to music, talk...and then...*gurgle* *gurgle* "UH-OH" *gurgle* "SHIT" *gurgle* "I godda go to thu..." *bleeuurrbblshtthffff* You ever try to hold back the inevitable? Silly question, I know. By now my brother had left and it was just Bill and I listening to music while I tried to sober up enough to drive home. Bill's passed out on the bed and I'm over on the couch fighting the waves of nausea. For a half an hour. Until I finally realized I had to get to the bathroom before I...too late. Puked down the front of my sweater. Of course, before the puke landed on my sweater I was feebly trying to hold it in my mouth. Ugh...I'm making myself feel worse as I write this. I look over at Bill and he is indeed passed out. I go into the bathroom and proceed to puke more 'cause, you know, holding it in my mouth with all it's acid-y goodness doesn't quite help with keeping those waves of nausea from becoming behemoth bursts of barf. During my misery I manage to miss the toilet, not entirely, and get some of that lumpy, foamy goodness on the bathroom carpet. I then proceed to try to clean myself and the floor up with none other than WET TOILET PAPER. I couldn't very well use the guys towels. I was fucking MORTIFIED. I came out of the bathroom and Bill was awake. He knew what was going on. I think it was three a.m. when I was finally able to stumble outta there and drive home. Bill followed me to the freeway to make sure I was okay. I shudder to think of the state I left his bathroom...I don't remember how well I did with the wet toilet paper! Haven't spoken to him since, as he was just an aquaintence of my brother's who happened to help us unload our container that year.

The next morning, after two hours of "sleep", I made my hungover way to work. I felt horrid but had to go to work because my boss had left to spend the holidays with his family in the midwest. I had to run the office. While running to the bathroom every ten minutes or so to drive the porcelain bus. My boss called to check in and I tried my best not to sound demolished. Oh the hell. By the time the end of the day finally came, I was feeling a little better because I'd managed to keep some dry bread down.

I'm proud to say that I haven't done anything that horrible drinking-wise since. Well, only once. But I only puked once and then it was over. Today I just feel a tinge of squeemish tummy. The headache was squelched some by my friends aspirin and tea. I was smart to stick with mostly beer yesterday. Had some wine with lunch. The cleaning lady left first, then Ron had to go to work and it was just my boss and I hangin' for a while. It was fun talking to him, he's such a nice down to earth guy. He left 'cause he had to get up waaay early this morning to catch a plane back home. I stayed and tooled on the internet a bit 'til I felt good enough to drive. Got home at about nine, got undressed and went to bed. I should have downed some more water before I hit it though, 'cause I had those thirsty dreams again. I hate those. Then I woke up with leather tongue when Ron got home. He brought be a glass of water after saying, "PHEW...you smell like alcohol!" Thanks, honey. I'm glad I felt good enough to drive well. If I'd have gotten pulled over...shit, I don't even wanna think about it. Heh. And I downed that glass of water like I hadn't had a drink in days. Spilled it all over the bed. Asked for more and did the same thing, this time spilling it on my front. Then I zonked out on my wet bed. Joy.

My, this turned into quite the entry, didn't it? It's slow today, of course. I'm in no mood to work, either. Psshhht. What else is new? But I really should get to a few things. And some dry bread sounds great right about now. Later!

It's okay to be a lil' different...

I just had to save the pictures because I've never seen this before! These are blue and gold macaws, one of the most popular large parrots in the pet trade. I guess you could call them the "typical parrot", as these are what most non-bird people think of when it comes to parrots. They're used in movies and t.v. all the time and their very loud voices are usually dubbed over with some stupid "polly want a cracker" generic parrot voice. Anyway, I've never seen them in white and gold or "lutino" (the common name for the yellow mutation in birds) before now. Interesting... Maybe one day I will own a macaw. Only when I live in a nice house with lots of room out back to build my dream aviary...one with real trees and plants. One day...

Ah...good 'ol moody me. I'm in a great mood for a Monday... Feel much better than I did last week. I'm not feeling bratty or irritated at all, a very rare thing, especially on a Monday. I don't feel like beating the shit out of someone (that stupid bitch yelling into her cell phone, that fuckhead who doesn't use his blinker, that screaming child at the grocery store) quite as much anymore. I guess the main thing that I'm happy about is the fact that I got most of my Christmas shopping done this weekend. HURRAY! I always feel so relieved when I finally get started. Every year I tell myself that next year I'll do it earlier and every year I wait until almost the last minute. Not quite the very last minute (ever) because I know I'll have a nervous breakdown if I do. However, I still don't have much holiday spirit. I wasn't even feeling it at the annual family Christmas party yesterday. It was a lovely day but...I just don't feel it. Oh well, it'll be over before I know it. At least I'm somewhat prepared now. And I'm looking very forward to giving Ron his gifts. SSSSSSSsssssssssssshhhh...it's a soooprise!

Well, I'm off to go work. Got tons to do as usual. I just had to take a break, I've been wrapping gifts we need to get out to our best customers. Now I need to wrap more backorders. JOY! Later...

Why suffer?

"OH whyy do I give val-ua-ble tiiiiiiiiiiime...to people who don't caaaaaaare if IIII...lih-hivv or diiiiiiiie?"

Ahh, again the resolve. My priorities are screwed. Case in point, I STILL give a shit what a whole lotta strangers think of me. As always, the answer is right in front of me. I'll never find what I'm looking for on the internet. The eeeevil eeeeeeeeeeeevil internet. There's plenty more to life.

"Why do III SMILE...at people who I'd MUCH rah-ther...KICK IN THE EYE?"

Moving on...

Happy Birthday, Edvard

Edvard Munch, one of my favorite artists.

Cocky now, aren't we

Heh. I watched this Patton interview again the other day. And while I tootled around YouTube for some more Patton interviews and crud (damn that site is addicting, there's everything from classic Sesame Street clips to drunk Russians...just look that one up, I dare ya)I came across this surprisingly recent interview. Wow. Cocky now, aren't we? Interesting how he's so much different from that 1991 interview. The faint innocence in that first interview has completely vanished from the second. He ain't naive no moh! Well naturally, right? He's done and experienced so much in that large span of SIXTEEN years. I wonder where I'll be in sixteen years. I can only hope I'm happy.

In other news, I am completely lame today. This week has been hell because I'm so distracted. I've been putting off...well...everything. Stupid things like washing the car and grocery shopping. It's the same thing. I'm overwhelmed and want to escape. I don't feel like doing all this shit I have to do. I'm still thinking too much. I'm bored, lonely, unmotivated, worried and depressed. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. I don't have to be...there's PLENTY to do. And I miss Ron, he's on that shitty damn schedule again. I'm not letting him know it's bothering me though. No crying! *sigh*

Another thing that's got me down is that I wrote to my cousin on Myspace last week and have heard nothing from her. Same with a couple of the other people. That site makes me feel like I'm in highschool. It makes me feel so insignificant. So stupid. Why should I care? I feel so worthless again today. I'm just dwelling on these feelings, that's why they won't go away. I'm letting fear get in the way. I can't continue to be afraid of life. I don't know. I'm not getting anywhere. Same old crap. I think I'll go get a sandwich.

It's true, I tell you...

Hey, remember bowling night? Well I just received a lovely Christmas card from Cathie with pictures from that night included. Pictures that were taken on an actual FILM camera! They turned out wonderfully, I think.

First off, we have a fairly nice picture of Ron and I. TOGETHER. Without him making a stupid face. I just might FRAME this one! Finally...



We look cheery on this night of bowling and beer. And if you look over there in the left hand corner, you will see the former teen heartthrob in all his bandanna'd glory. Well, not all of it 'cause it's the back of his head.

This adorable picture of Cathy with a "Y" and I gives a frontal view of the Garrett.



Mmmhmm. Woo. OH how I wish it were...



...HE that I would see at some random bowling alley in my hometown. *sigh* I can always hope. I'll get him to do my wedding.

HAH! Later...

No...I'm not, actually.

I was avoiding work again and looked back to see when I'd first posted about Mike Patton. I noticed I called myself a dork there, too. No, I'm not a dork. I just have a crush on Mike Patton. So what. *giggle* *giggle* *swoon* Haha! No really, I'm working I'M WORKING. Blat.

Going my way?

I'd just about shit my pants if I saw Mike hitch hiking. Just about. But I'm sure I'd manage to hold back the shits and tears of joy to pick his fine ass up. I'm not sure, however, if I'd be able to hold back to pukes of nervousness once he got in the car... Heh. Nope, the obsession hasn't faded and Ron keeps feeding it. The internet keeps feeding it, too. Ron and I are such dorks...the other day we were talking about how awesome it would be if Mike could play at our wedding! HAHAHAHAHAA!! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!!!! Yea. *sniff* We are dweebs. Well, I am anyway. I'm totally in love with this guy! I do believe I WILL meet him some day. I've never wanted to meet anyone so badly in my life. Not even Eddie Vedder. I know Eddie, I know...don't be jealous. I was watching the movie "Singles" the other day and that scene with Eddie Vedder...the one where they're watching that nature show about bees on t.v. GAWD. I just wanna...yea...squish 'im, of course! But I wanna squish Mike more! Give him a big hug and say, "Thanks for the genuine entertainment..." Then we shall all go and have a martini...

Ahem...

So this weekend. And the rest of last week. Blur. ALL OF IT. What the fuck is with time FLYING?! It sucks!! Christmas is coming!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! The wedding is coming!!! HOLY FUCK!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Put on the brakes! Put on the fucking BRAKES!!! I have too much to doooo and I...I...I... Need to breathe. I've started thinking of ideas for Christmas. Last year I had no idea what to get Ron and this year I have tons of ideas. I just have to get it all done. Soon. And be all spirited about it and shit.

I'm moving right along on the wedding plans. Got a photographer picked out. I'm pretty sure who I'm gonna go with. I've also found a hairdresser and someone to possibly print my invites. Gonna meet with the invite girl on Friday. Now what I'm really worried about is finding a DJ. Ron keeps saying he knows someone for this and that, but he is lagging. We need to get these things booked! That's the fly in my ointment right now. Making me too nervous. Nuff wedding talk for now...

Then there's work. I'm getting a little burnt out. Lots to do. Bored. I'm worried about my professional future. I know I can't stay here forever. I know that within the next year or two I'm gonna have to move on. *gulp* And of course there's plenty of work to do for the here and now. I gotta get back at it because it's waiting for me. Later...

This entry brought to you by

Heh...got an idea from Onewetleg a little while ago. And she's right. No one cares what you had for lunch. But what the hell. Yesterday I had one of my favorites and I've decided to share because I can't think of anything original to write about on this stupid blog. And I'm bored. And I had to scan something again. AND I should be working. What else is new?



I had cut up hotdogs in it, too. Shut up. I know I'm still seven years old at heart. I used to line these up on my spoon, biggest to smallest. I'd make little pillars out of them. I'd try to put the biggest one around the tip of my tongue. I still do those things sometimes. When the mood strikes! Mmmmm, sodium rich canned food. So very satisfying!

Erg. I have so much to do, not only at work but for the wedding, the holidays, etc... I'm trying not to get overwhelmed. I certainly don't want a repeat of a few weeks ago. This time of year is always stressful for everyone, isn't it? Ugh. Eeeg. Arrghghh. That's why I'm taking this time out to share my love of Spag-O's. Awright, time to finish my froot loops and get to work.

Bye bye.

There's only one word to describe it

GLUTTON. I was a complete and total GLUTTON over the long weekend. Had aaaalll sorts of plans but didn't get off my ass to do much of anything...but eat, of course. That's all fine and dandy while I'm on my little mini vacay, but it's a huge a slap in the face come mOnDaY morning. Ugh. Now it's back to the grind. Not much to say this morning, other than I wish I were still in bed.

Oh wait...

There IS something else!

IT RAINED this morning! AND we had to turn on the HEATER last night! For the first time this season!! Is winter coming? FINALLY?!?! I'm gonna have a bowl of hot soup for lunch to celebrate.

'Kay...that's all for now.

Thanksgivin'

Well happy Thanksgiving to ya'll! I love Thanksgiving, it's one of my favorite holidays. Now if the weather would just cool down. It's still in the low 80s. Though it's supposed to cool down more by tomorrow and the next day. There was some telltale fog this morning, too. The fog that always comes the morning of a big tempurature change... I really want some weather now. It's hard to get into the spirit of the holidays when it's still so fucking hot out.

'Kay...'nuff about the weather...

Thanks for all the compliments on my artwork guys! Keeps me inspired. Drawing has become fun again. I was feeling a bit of an artist's block over the past few years due to the usual pressure that I put on myself. "I should be doing something with this! I should be making tons of money! Why aren't I doing anything with this?!?!" That's finally starting to ease up. I'll always be an artist no matter what I do with it. I enjoy sharing my art with others. It may turn into something, it may not. Heh...I guess in the spirit of Thanksgiving week, I should give thanks for my talent!

Speaking of inspiration, I met up with an old aquaintence/contact I'd done some illustrations for about three years ago. He's another artist, a writer and musician. He's done four short children's books and has asked me to work on another one with him. This time he's got a publisher. A small publisher, but it's a start. He'd submitted his other children's book that we'd worked on three years ago to about 50 publishers, larger companies, that probably didn't even look at it before they slipped the rejection letter in and sent it right back. Typical for this sort of thing. Didn't bother me none. I know these things are all about timing... He was very disappointed and put the project aside. But we've kept in touch through emails. I also had my other project to work on (speaking of which, I haven't heard from that lady in a couple of months so that one is sittin' pretty) so I didn't care. I have a good attitude about these things. They will happen when they happen. I can keep working on projects to build up a portfolio of sorts. Most importantly, I can't let career pressure ruin the joy of it.

Yeap... SOooo...

Mark, the artist dude, contacted me a few weeks ago and we got together over this past weekend to go over his new children's book. It's all written and all he needs are the illustrations. The publisher he wants to use has already published a book his short stories. First thing's first, I asked him to mail me a copy so I can get started on character development. Another fun little side project for me. Another thing that keeps me inspired. I'm also finally going to meet up with a group of artists that he's been telling me about. They get together for potlucks and such, just a bunch of other artists doing their own thing. I'd get periodic emails from Mark about their events and would brush them off. Now I'm ready to socialize with them...there are plenty of opportunities in doing so and what can it hurt? I'd love to meet more crazy artists!

On that note, I'm gonna leave you with some more drawings. I did these for work a few months ago. Needed for a new design idea...


Oooooh! It's Jesus! In't he sweet?

And we can't have Jesus without the beautiful Mary...



Later!

All done!

Ooooh-kayy! Here it is! I'm so very happy with how this drawing turned out. Like I said before, I'm gonna leave it black and white for the invitations. I'm also going to have them shrink it some. I want it to be above or below the wording on the front. Now I just have to take it in somewhere to get it done! Woopie! I finished another drawing! Finally...

Our Anniversary...and why it's good to think ahead

Yesterday was the anniversary of Ron and my engagement. Wow. That sure flew, didn't it? We had a lovely evening. But not before I had an anxiety attack. I am SUCH a baby. It was the usual stressing over things that needn't be stressed about. In this case, it was getting Ron a little something special. Sometimes I really SUCK at being thoughtful. I'd already gotten him a nice card, but wanted to add a little something else. At the last minute. I'd thought about it all week, decided just a card was fine, that we should just celebrate each other on the day. And then I had to go and change my mind At the last minute. I'll ask myself again. Why OH WHY do I do this to myself?

This is what happened... The day started out fine. I was content with the nice card I'd gotten Ron over the weekend. It had beautiful words and I'd done a very nice drawing in it and that was that. Right? WRONG. At about 2 p.m. on the day of our anniversary, I'd decided that I needed to do a little something else for him. Get a little somethin' special for us as a couple. But for the life of me, I could not figure out what to do. By the time I got off of work I was so desperate and anxious that I called Melanie AND Lisa for suggestions. They suggested great things. Great things that I couldn't possibly get done in the half an hour I had before I needed to be home so we could go to dinner.

I decided there was time to do a little shopping near work. I parked my car near the bank because I that was an errand I needed to run before going home as well. I'd known of this cute gift shop not too far from the bank, full of perfect little lovey-dovey things. I thought of getting us something we could use together on the day, you know, and all that worthless lame crap. I saw another shop I thought might have something I needed (Lisa had suggested getting a nice frame for a formal pic of us, to be taken at a later date) but nothing came close. After wasting time in that shop, I went on to look for the one I'd originally thought of. I couldn't find it. I swear, the sidewalk had opened up and sucked it down. By this time I was starting to panic. And panic over the fact that I was panicking over NOTHING and that I shouldn't pressure myself so damn much. I decided forego the shop for now and head to the bank because I had some checks I needed to get in my account so that I could pay some big bills the next day. The shop would surely be in the direction of the bank, right? Wrong again.

I'm walking to the bank trying to get the rolodex in my mind to STOP so I can concentrate. Ron calls my cell. So I'm talking to Ron when I arrive at the ATM. At this point, there is too much running through my mind. This last minute shopping set me up to have a breakdown while I was at the ATM. I was talking to Ron on the phone and trying to make a deposit. He had called wondering where I was and I told him about the picture idea and how I'd gotten anxious over getting him something special blah, blah...

He's like, "It's okay honey, don't stress. I don't care, just getcher ass home."
I'm like, "I WILL...just as soon as I make this deposit, dammit."

Well, some dude had come up behind me in the meantime and made an irritated noise. I guess was taking longer than my alotted 15 seconds. This was the trigger. Without even turning around or getting off the phone, I told the guy to quit being such an impatient asshole and he, in turn, called me the asshole and blah, blah so on and so forth... Commence complete and total freak out. Suddenly, I couldn't add up what I was depositing (because I can't seem to do things ahead of time and because I am an idiot who has to yell rude things at strangers) so I started asking (screeching pleading) poor Ron to add up my deposit. Of course he could't understand what the fuck I was saying because I was hysterically YELLING and the phone volume was apparently up too loud. He'd kept informing me of this earlier in the coversation and I'd kept fiddling with the buttons on the side of the phone, all while trying to find the shop, the bank, my sanity, etc... It was a beautiful moment in life. But it gets even better... The ATM wanted to get in on the fun. It froze up on me. So I'm standing there yelling and crying and pounding the fucking ATM buttons. I must've looked like such an ASS to the guy behind me and God knows who else on the street. I didn't even turn around to look at the guy behind me because by this time my face was flaming from embarrassment and frustration. I've got tears streaming and snot flying...I literally lauched a snot ball onto the ATM screen. NO joke!

After all this, I got the damn machine to spit out my card and didn't even get to make the deposit. OR get anything for Ron. Fabulous. I had to go home before I had a heart attack. I'd managed to irritate the holy fuck out of Ron because of my sniveling, outlandish, totally INSANE behavior. Lovely. He'd tried as much as he could to calm me down, then ran out of patience and told me to get the hell home. It's so great to piss off your loved one ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY. THAT was my gift to Ron. An anxiety attack.

By the time I got home I'd mostly calmed down. Ron gave me a big hug. He also gave me a beautiful bouqet of flowers and an awesome sketchbook. It's really fancy with gold-edged pages and gold filigree on the cover. And he loved my card. I then took HIM out to a cozy Mexican dinner. We had some margaritas, fajitas and a tostada and traded our plates back and forth. Mmmmm-mmm!

Yes, another incident. I haven't had one in a while. Ron is handling them better, though they frustrate him a lot. As is very understandable. I am not as crazy, anxious and stupid as I think I am. I am fine. Everything is fine. There is no reason to get so worked up over these things! And the battle continues...

Wedding invitation...AAAaalmost!

Okay, so finally...THIS is how far I've gotten on my invitation drawing...



This weekend, so help me God, I am going to finish the damn vine! I've actually gotten further than this on the vine part, but I still have to add leaves and ink to it. That's tedious. And I'm lazy. I love how this has turned out so much...that I'm probably going to get it as my fourth tattoo. Definately have to think about it longer, not to mention decide just where on my body it's gonna go. So after the wedding. AFTER the wedding for sure.

Data entry makes me do crazy things...

Like take a much-needed monotony break to do something "artistic". Yup, I'm at it with the scanner again. Heh. Say hello to Gladys.

Weather Gods

Oh yea...and could someone please tell the weather gods that it is supposed to be FALL now! It's fucking 90 degrees in Southern California today! This is BULLSHIT! I WANT TO WEAR A SWEATER, DAMMIT!

News

I'm finally starting to get on the wedding planning ball. I purchased my wedding dress on Sunday! No pics yet, I can't even find it on the website...but it's hanging in my closet in a garment bag. I LOVE IT!!! I'd had a favorite from last time and they still had it in stock so I tried it on again. Then I asked if they could find an alternative one that was similiar to it so that I could compare one more time. I ended up picking the alternative! It's lovely...just a little unique, but nothing too spectacular. I'm very happy with my decision. I made sure to put it far in the back of my closet, away from Ron's prying eyes. I also warned him about seeing it before the day and he, being a guy and all, only needs one warning when it comes to this kind of stuff. Then it's just, "Alright honey, whatever you say." Give or take an eyeroll... Heh!

Melanie, Lisa and I dove headfirst into planning on Sunday. Not only did we get my dress, we also picked out the bridesmaid dresses! AND we got together for coffee before we went dress shopping so that we could go over dates and guest lists for bridal showers and the bachelorette party. AAaaand we had a ton of fun doing everything! It was so much fun trying on dresses with them. I love how the bridesmaid dresses we picked coordinate with my dress. Lovely, lovely... So as of today, we have coordinated a great list of contacts. We've also started looking into the photographer and DJ, because those are the FIRST things that need to be booked...like...yesterday. As I get things done and get more information I feel less stressed. I just keep telling myself, after all it's only a wedding. It doesn't have to be the end all, be all of everything. I'm a very simple girl when it comes to these things. All I want is a nice celebration, not an extravaganza! It's the marriage that's much more important.

On the mom front, she's feeling better. She's had a therapist come and walk her around a lot since the accident, only two weeks ago. So she's back on her feet and will be her fiesty old self within a month or so. I'm gonna go visit her and spend the night this Saturday. Ron will follow me there and hang out with us for dinner, then I'm gonna spend the night by myself. I'll probably have a nice Sunday breakfast with my parents and even *gasp* go to church with them! I don't think the place will burn down when I walk through the doors 'cause it's only been about four months since I last went to church. I'ma great Catholic. Ah...but that'sa WHOLE 'nuther story. Before I write a book, I gotta get back to work.

And this one is about nothing

I'm so blah today. I feel poopie. I'm not motivated an' they be lots 'o work to do. As usual, when the boss is gone the phone goes crazy. People calling who want this and that and that and this and I have no idea what they're talking about because my boss has all that with him. Just gotta write it all down and report it like a good little girl. Yes, that's me. I'm SOOOoooo mutherfuckin' GOOD.

So good that I'm taking a break to write some bullshit. This week has been okay. I'm stressing over things so that's making it a little tough. I've been trying to get the exercise in to take my mind off things and help with the stress levels. Went for a great walk with my brother last night. Did a buttload of leg crunches on Monday. Tomorrow after work I'm gonna take the stair climbing to a new level. It helps a lot when I'm feeling bad. It's like, at least I'm trying to keep in shape! And we've been keeping up with the less drinking and smoking thing. 'Cept for Tuesday...we were kinda bad. Went to Melanie's house to do the Halloween candy give-out thing. It was fun, Tyra and her adorable little one were there. We didn't dress up, just wore black outfits...simple black top with simple black pants. I'd dressed in my favorite repeat Halloween costume for Lisa's party on Saturay night...a sexy skunk. I found it about five years ago at some costume emporium joint. I love it! I won a lil' 'ol prize for it at the party, too. Heh.

So...Halloween night we drank wine, ate Melanie's wonderful chili, drank wine, gave out candy, drank wine, ATE candy of course (Melanie just HAD to have peanut butter cups and I cannot leave those alone), drank wine, watched silly Halloween movies and drank wine. I was slumped and drooling all over Ron by 9:30. It was cozy. He's trying to watch a movie, I'm all wishy-washy wine drunk. There's nothing like the wine drunk...it's just different. So cloudy and slurry. And thirsty. I went to bed that night and had a thousand thirsty dreams until I finally got my ass up and slurped a gallon of water from the kitchen faucet. You know the thirsty dreams...searching for water fountains, sinks, fridges with milk or coke...you find them and drink and drink and drink...just like the toilet dreams when ya gotta pee. I hate those. Searching for toilets and peeing and peeing and PEEING. Haven't actually peed the bed though, thank the Lord. Last time I did that I was like, six. Anyway, what the hell am I talking about pee for? That was my Halloween.

Tonight we're going bowling with the two girls Cathy. At least I think we are. Haven't heard from them yet. Come to think of it, I'm gonna go email them now. End of boring entry. Back to work. After the emails, of course. Later!

Anxious

I'm feeling very anxious and depressed this morning. It's been a good while since I've felt this way. I'm worrying and worrying about everything from the wedding, my job, my living situation, my health to the state of the world today, the future...AAAAAAAAAAA!!!! The 'what if's' are gangin' up on me, maaan!

I'll write it down. Read it over. And think. R-E-L-A-X. Does this help? Somewhat. I'm going to go have some caffine now. That should help me relax. HAH!